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Spider-Man, 5/30/18

If you’re going to have entire cinematic universe of stories dedicated to superheroes whose intellectual property rights are held by a specific #brand, I think one of the things that would be good to explore is how the media covers super-combat for the benefit of their mostly non-super-powered readership. Ideally, as I’ve noted before in this space, this exploration would take the form of a Netflix series called Bugle, of which I would be the executive producer, featuring a ragtag group of underpaid twentysomething reporters and bloggers whose lives are made miserable by their overbearing skinflint boss J. Jonah Jameson (J.K. Simmons, who we can hopefully get under contract to do at least six episodes a season) who occasionally yells at them to get more pictures of the Shocker up on the Bugle’s Snapchat or whatever. The big question, of course, would be how you’d do this without Peter Parker, who’s the best known Bugle employee but whose teen MCU arc doesn’t seem like it’d intersect with life as a stringer photographer anytime soon. My solution: there’s one episode where they use some of the blurry Spidey pics he’s posted to Twitter and promise to give him “exposure” and hint that maybe they’ll start paying him somewhere down the line, but when he can’t come up with pics of any other superheroes, they stop responding to his emails. You can’t afford to specialize in just one superhero and expect to get paid! It’s the era of doing more with less, journalism-wise! Get with the program, Peter!

Mary Worth, 5/30/18

I’m a guy who like karaoke, but I’m willing to say that a big part of its appeal is the you’re all in it together, you know? Like, if Wilbur is going to belting out Luke Bryan’s oeuvre, as a reward he should get to see Toby dancing “sexily” while she breathily makes her way through Ke$ha’s “Die Young,” or a stone-faced and extremely sober rendition of “Riders of the Storm” from Ian.