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The Internet Read Aloud is BACK tonight in LA, everybody, and it’s better than ever!

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And also? Enjoy your comment of the week!

“In tomorrow’s Six Chix, a witch flying on a plunger tells her compatriot ‘watch out for a pissed-off plumber with a scythe!’ The next day, a plumber tries to clear a clog with a long pole, and tells his assistant ‘keep an eye out for a decathlete with scythe!’ Thursday, a pole vaulter tries to clear the bar with pitchfork and tells the ref ‘somewhere there’s a farmer with a scythe!’ Friday, a farmer calmly cuts wheat with a scythe.” –Voshkod

Your runners up are also very funny!

“I cannot wait to go swimming! Immersing my fleshform in dihydrogen monoxide is a pastime of which I, like all genuine Earthlings, am inordinately fond!” –Thomas Keith, on Facebook

“What makes this a ‘joke,’ and not just an advertisement for child violence, is that Dennis has a name for his beatings. I don’t get it either, but I like the way he assumes his mother is hip to his lingo: ‘Did you finish him off with a customer satisfaction survey to the ass, dear?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“The physician reporting Beetle’s death is Dr. Bonkus, the Camp Swampy physician. Beetle finds that Sarge has already reached heaven ahead of him. Clearly, these facts mean that both Beetle and Sarge have perished in some military-related incident. And it’s happening soon, given that they are both about their present age. Did they die in combat? Is the nation in fact going to war soon? WHAT DO THE WALKER-BROWNE STUDIOS KNOW THAT WE DON’T, DAMMIT???” –seismic-2

“I’m literally begging the Walker factory to draw a slope in the blanket for Beetle’s thighs so we don’t wind up with strips like today’s, where dreams about his own death give Beetle not one, but somehow two raging erections.” –Dan

“Sure, golf makes Hi horny, but Lois seems to be spending her day boiling a pot of piss, which makes his fetish look positively vanilla.” –pugfuggly

“Which reminds me: I got fired for playing golf during office hours.” –TheDiva

“These are my kind of con artists. So polite, so pleasant, so mutually supportive. I hope they get away with everything.” –Joe Blevins

“So basically Vitamin had to buy the theater to land the lead part in a summer stock production of a high school standard. Wouldn’t a converted barn outside of town been a lot cheaper?” –Guillermo el Chiclero

A dream is like a movie that you get to watch for free! And a nightmare is like a trip to hell that you can only escape by dying! I wonder what we’ll see thanks to all these sleeping pills we took from my parents’ nightstand!” –jroggs

A dream is like a movie that you get to watch for free! And there’s nothing wrong with dreams, right? So there’s nothing wrong with free movies either, right? Or just to cover some expenses, selling them for a price that’s practically free? Anyway, I’ve hidden a camera inside this teddy bear, and I need you to hold it on your lap after we sneak you into the theatre.” –pachoo

“What are the odds that Mark intentionally set up this cave to confuse Doc and make him more agreeable to being moved to a nursing home?” –JJ48

“I’m pretty monolingual, but I’d guess that idioms consisting entirely of common prepositions and pronouns like ‘up for it‘ are probably the hardest to learn. There’s a decent chance that Hugo meant to ask Dawn ‘Are you high?’” –matt w

“I am ze Franshe you know? I am how you say pepper my language with ze franshe words. My hamac a banane eez out at ze cleanairs, so I am wearink dees American how you say ‘short of boxing.’” –Anonymous

“Not that ‘I’m sorry I pulled the gun … I got carried away!‘ is much of an apology for nearly murdering your new acquaintances, but it’s still better than ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’” –BigTed

“I guess what makes it funny is that Jane Fonda and Steve Jobs here are not the biggest grifters in today’s strip.” –Zla’od

“I cannot get over the absolute state of Dawn’s hair. This was either an attempt to draw a stylish messy bob that failed dramatically, or a skilled demonstration of drawing split ends to show us that Dawn cuts her own hair with kitchen scissors.” –Rosstifer

“The fish would say nothing to these two. But it will have a full report for Mary by the end of the evening.” –Gabacho

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