Metapost: New year, new COTW, new Mark Trail in review
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Folks, it is time for your first comment of the week of 2021, but first, a link I have been sorely remiss in sharing with you: faithful reader Mark Carlson-Ghost’s comprehensive guide to Mark Trail’s long, weird history. Check it out!
And check out this week’s top comment!
“I’d love it if Tootsie had an alliterative nickname for everyone in her social circle. ‘So then Chatty Charlene told me that Frowny Frances never wants to see Hairy Harry again. Anyway, how’s Dumb… I mean, how’s Dagwood?’” –Mr. A
Also: Enjoy this week’s hilarious runners up!
“Happy holidays from Mary and friends! Well, she could only get one friend to be with her on Christmas — despite the fact that most of the others live in her building — and the one who’s there is mostly in it for the sex (or maybe the muffins). Mary’s advice? Try not to get estranged from your family this year!” –BigTed
“Wait, are they just piling up damp clothes? I know it’s winter, but good lord, at least hang them up. Slim’s nudist lifestyle will be mercifully cut short by black mold poisoning.” –Schroduck
“I like that the dude is drawing the line at killing five men. He’s just a murderer, not a mass murderer.” –Rube
“I like that a full panel of this is just a peace symbol. To remind us who the true enemy is.” –Joe Blevins
“Today I learned something: you can take two distinctive types of vagueness and abut them to create the semblance of a joke! ‘Boy, past year was quite difficult for a number of unnamed reasons. Not unlike the reports that you prepare about the various activities we perform at this company. Coffee?’” –pugfuggly
“Is Saul bangable? On the one hand, he still has all his hair, he regularly goes for walks to stay fit, and he’s never not in a suit. On the other hand: pink shirt, green jacket, beige slacks, and a yellow tie?!” –Ace
“Finally. Some ‘hot lady pulling on khakis’ action!” –lorne
“The Phantom needs someone to shoulder his blame
And so Hawa and Kay are pulled back in the game.
When a guy needs some stooges for damage control,
He can call on the girls of the Jungle Patrol.That luchador hombre’s an obvious dupe
And Worubu is once again out of the loop.
The gals take up their rifles and shoulder their role
As the cleanup brigade for the Jungle Patrol.The Patrol is a front for a thug wannabe
Who murders folks extrajudicially.
The girls are accessories, not in control
Of the crime at the heart of the Jungle Patrol.” –Uncle Lumpy“There really is endless potential in these pluggerized slang terms for sexual partners. Like how a plugger’s ‘side piece’ is an extra order of curly fries, or how a plugger’s ‘young friend on the down low’ is a neighborhood kid who will take fifty cents to crawl under their porch and clean out the dead cats.” –jroggs
“Sorry, but that is infuriating. Curtis, you cannot introduce a talking, trunkless elephant and then end it with, ‘I’m not magic,’ and consider the matter closed. If this was the banal, The More You Know-style, ABC Afterschool Special lesson you were going for, why not use a wise old hobo/possible genie? That would work. Talking, trunkless elephant? DOES. NOT. WORK. I believe it was Chekhov who said, ‘If you introduce a talking, trunkless elephant into your comic strip on Monday, there better be some god-damn explanation for it by Wednesday.’” –Chance
“It’s so great I asked you out to do a thing I don’t like and turns out you don’t either!” –Jay Pennington, on Facebook
“Tootsie’s name was on the van, but after a strong cease-and-desist letter from Tootsie Roll Industries, they had to drop it. The band Blondie is currently retaining counsel.” –Voshkod
“Of course Marvin is number 2. What other number could he be? I’m so tired, you guys.” –els
“‘Ha ha ha! Imagine if this kid didn’t sit meekly in the corner, as he was told, but did so in a way that defied his mother! Wouldn’t that be outrageously rebellious? How wonderfully absurd!’ –The thought process of someone totally unfamiliar with actual children.” –Urlance Woolsbane
“I admire this guy’s outfit. Does he want to be a trucker, or a character in an old Woody Allen movie? Yes. The answer is yes.” –made of wince
“Wilson is telling the random vagabond he’s come upon that Dennis’s parents are just ‘ordinary people‘ and wouldn’t have the financial wherewithal or political connections to mobilize a large scale search should their child go missing or something.” –Hibbleton
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43 replies to “Metapost: New year, new COTW, new Mark Trail in review”
Shadow COTPWMFTLTBWL
I speak Jive
January 1st, 2021 at 7:52 am Reply
Family Circus: It’s a new year after one of the worst years in memory, and that’s the best platitude holier than thou Grandma can come up with? It’s barely a platitude. Lame! She needs to go back to sanctimony school and take a refresher course.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 1st, 2021 at 9:19 am Reply
Mark Trail: Do they hurt manatees before or after they explode from having a Trail ride them?
Horace Broon
January 1st, 2021 at 11:27 am Reply
Mark Trail: “MANATEES!” screams a man who is decidedly not at ease.
Ukulele Ike
January 1st, 2021 at 2:18 pm Reply
Mary Worth: Mary is serving up her specialty: Steampunk Ham. That’s a baked ham with cogwheels glued onto it.
//Comment of the Previous Week Made Far Too Late to be Worth Listing. Kudos to L’esprit de l’escalier for naming this category.
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
Poteet
January 1st, 2021 at 10:10 pm Reply
@Zla’od: Re Mary Worth: THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS !!!
——————————————————
Are you referring to boardwalks? Hot dog stands? Feeding hot dogs to dogs? Condo friendships? Condo romances? Who should order hot dogs and how? Weird purple urban skylines? Life as we know it?
Only Here For The Ads
January 2nd, 2021 at 8:12 am Reply
@TheDiva: on Curtis: “Elephant Sans a Trunk” would be a great indie band name.
——————————————————
“Elephant Sansabelt” would be merely a recurring Plugger character.
——————————————————
Ukulele Ike: Whereas “Elephant Sans-Culottes” would cast his allegiance with the proletariat.
2+2=7
January 5th, 2021 at 9:41 am Reply
@BigTed: on Mary Worth: Mary Worth: Lunch and shopping? Hoo-boy, Saul, you just suggested the least romantic date idea since today’s activity, throwing out dog poop on the boardwalk. Anyway, good luck in the friend zone — that’s probably where you belong anyway, given your testosterone levels.
——————————————————
Oh please. We all know that Saul’s true love is Greta. The woman is just a “side piece.”
Just John
January 5th, 2021 at 11:03 am Reply
@Sequitur: on Vintage Apartment 3-G:
——————————————————
You know how some people have an ingrown toenail? That doctor has an entire ingrown face.
richardf8
January 5th, 2021 at 11:37 am Reply
@TheDiva: on Mary Worth: I know that there are sit-down service restaurants in malls (usually on par with PF Chang’s and Cheesecake Factory), but I prefer to think that Saul’s idea of a nice lunch date is the food court. “This is fantastic! You can eat from Sbarro’s OR Orange Julius! Or both! The sky’s the limit, my pet!”
——————————————————
Three Words: Bum Boat Express.
Sequitur
January 6th, 2021 at 10:09 am Reply
@Danielakiiki: on Mary Worth: Eve always wears a scarf, is she trying to hide a hideous goiter or something?
——————————————————
Not a goiter, an Adam’s apple.
Bryan
January 6th, 2021 at 3:19 pm Reply
@Old School Allie Cat: on Luann: If Luann had half a brain
——————————————————
Get your head out of the clouds and stop wishing for the impossible.
Dennis Jimenez
January 6th, 2021 at 5:20 pm Reply
@Poteet: on Curtis: What do you call an elephant with no trunk? Dead, usually, but this one managed to grow to adult size and learn to talk, so my answer would be “highly improbable but interesting.”
——————————————————
Four umbrella stands, ten chess sets and 2,000lbs of dog food….
Special Long-form Shadow CsOTW
Uncle Lumpy
January 5th, 2021 at 8:27 am Reply
The Phantom needs someone to shoulder his blame
And so Hawa and Kay are pulled back in the game.
When a guy needs some stooges for damage control,
He can call on the girls of the Jungle Patrol.
That luchador hombre’s an obvious dupe
And Worubu is once again out of the loop.
The gals take up their rifles and shoulder their role
As the cleanup brigade for the Jungle Patrol.
The Patrol is a front for a thug wanabee
Who murders folks extrajudicially.
The girls are accessories, not in control
Of the crime at the heart of the Jungle Patrol.
Chance
January 6th, 2021 at 7:31 am Reply
Sorry, but that is infuriating. Curtis, you cannot introduce a talking, trunkless elephant and then end it with, “I’m not magic,” and consider the matter closed. If this was the banal, The More You Know-style, ABC Afterschool Special lesson you were going for, why not use a wise old hobo/possible genie? That would work. Talking, trunkless elephant? DOES. NOT. WORK. I believe it was Chekhov who said, “If you introduce a talking, trunkless elephant into your comic strip on Monday, there better be some god-damn explanation for it by Wednesday.”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
Rocky the Flipped-Out Squirrel
January 2nd, 2021 at 5:04 am Reply
Fumbly Circus: Billy is always happy to see something slower than he is.
TheDiva
January 2nd, 2021 at 7:52 am Reply
Heart of the City: “Ummmm, Heart, you do know the theaters in New York are closed until June, right…?”
“Whaaa—oh, that bastard!”
I speak Jive
January 2nd, 2021 at 10:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: It’s quite an accomplishment to write something more boring than “Buck goes to the lab to have blood drawn.”
Saul is second only to Wilbur on the list of characters I never want to see again.
TheDiva
January 3rd, 2021 at 7:50 am Reply
Mark Trail: “Also the female’s genitalia closely resembles that of a human woman’s. Don’t, ah, ask me how I know that.”
Guillermo el chiclero
January 3rd, 2021 at 9:23 am Reply
Family Circus: Hey Jeffy. You’re horning in on Dolly’s territory. It’s her job to be the family narc. Are you trying to, as the Chinese say, break her rice bowl?
Guillermo el chiclero
January 3rd, 2021 at 6:25 pm Reply
Phantom: That tears it. I’m sure not going to recommend the Walker body piercing parlor to anyone.
BigTed
January 4th, 2021 at 4:55 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: As soon as 2020 guy sets down that scythe, the others are going to beat him like a too-tough steak. (2021 has better be a big improvement fast, or he’ll get the same treatment, baby or not.)
Ellen
January 4th, 2021 at 4:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: I’m hoping for a surprise storyline in which “Eve Lourd” actually turns out to be “Evil Lord” and witchcraft ensues.
Peanut Gallery
January 4th, 2021 at 5:11 am Reply
Gil Thorp: Nice product placement. “I’m a Coco Nut for Coco Hut!”
Peanut Gallery
January 4th, 2021 at 5:12 am Reply
Phantom: “He has to be taken out–” “No!! I took him walkies last time! It’s your turn!”
pugfuggly
January 4th, 2021 at 5:21 am Reply
Mary Worth, 12/28/20: Whoops, looks like someone is wearing Mary’s signature pastel purple combo. Will the overlord of Charterstone take this as flattery or an encroachment on her fashion territory? I look forward to the upcoming tense invitation for tea…
Jihadi Colin
January 4th, 2021 at 5:54 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Buck, I have bad news. You have too little blood in your sugar stream.”
jroggs
January 4th, 2021 at 6:10 am Reply
Mark Trail: “At least I’m not a hypocrite like you who hurts innocent creatures and steals peoples’ property!” yelled Mark, decking his father in the face and stealing his speedboat.
Little Guy
January 4th, 2021 at 7:17 am Reply
Phantom: “We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the Jungle Patrol.”
Pozzo
January 4th, 2021 at 7:23 am Reply
Phantom: Tune in tomorrow for the further adventures of The Ghost Who Covers His Butt, Semantically Speaking.
Ettorre
January 4th, 2021 at 7:37 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: What a missed opportunity 2020 was for Gasoline Alley! We could have had Walt say “Well, if you survive the Spanish flu, which killed your parents and friends, and you keep healthy, you can live long enough to see Covid-19 kill your grandchildren and remaining friends!” [Sad trombone]. But this would have required some balls!
Rube
January 4th, 2021 at 7:55 am Reply
The Phantom: I like that the dude is drawing the line at killing five men. He’s just a murderer, not a mass murderer.
Dan
January 4th, 2021 at 8:07 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: Damn, I love driving a point home by rubbing my chin, raising an eyebrow, smirking, and pointing at my temple all at the same time. The point I’m driving home is “I’m having a stroke.”
Horace Broon
January 4th, 2021 at 9:10 am Reply
Mark Trail: Has it occured to you, Rivera!Mark, that maybe Allen!Mark bought that speedboat to stop it from being used on Florida waterways, a plan that was working right up until someone started revving it across the water at full speed, hmmm?
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Joe Blevins
January 4th, 2021 at 10:04 am Reply
Dick Tracy, 12/28: I know Dick isn’t punching Sam in the chin. But…I can dream about it.
Nekrotzar
January 4th, 2021 at 10:05 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Looks like Dick Tracy will have to go get a warrant, if by warrant you mean a couple of semi-automatic rifles and maybe a few hand grenades. We’re dealing with *hippies,* damn it!
neographite
January 4th, 2021 at 1:52 pm Reply
Dick Tracy: As EVERYONE knows, 2021 is the sesquicentennial of the Paris Commune. So Dick Tracy is headed up to the top of Montmartre to get those cannons back in the hands of the army, where they belong.
Avoiding the Madding Crowd
January 4th, 2021 at 2:38 pm Reply
Mary Worth: In the first panel, she is looking at that hot dog like she’s thinking “Am I supposed to eat this thing? That dense old fart didn’t catch my meaning when I hinted that I could really go for a hot dog in my bun. Eh, I’ll throw it away when he’s not looking.”
jroggs
January 5th, 2021 at 5:00 am Reply
Mary Worth: Do you enjoy good locations for eating? Come to the scenic Santa Royale Mall on Route 10! We’ve got nice lunch places for the suitable midday meal consumption that you, your loved ones, and your dogs will find perfectly adequate! The Santa Royale Mall on Route 10: your one-stop destination for okay food areas!
Effluvius Erratus
January 5th, 2021 at 5:19 am Reply
Mark Trail: I love that divine sunburst behind Mark’s head in the final panel; it practically screams, “Boat-splosion powers, ACTIVATE!”
Pozzo
January 5th, 2021 at 5:21 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Then after that, I’m going to tie a bunch of balloons to my house and float to South America.”
pugfuggly
January 5th, 2021 at 5:23 am Reply
Mary Worth: So, everything seems peachy keen now, but what do you figure the drama will be? Maybe when the get to the mall on route ten with all the nice lunch places they’ll find out that he likes Cracker Barrel and she likes Country Kitchen and that’s like Romeo and Juliet to old coots? Do we have a *Pluggers* that can confirm that?
Ace
January 5th, 2021 at 5:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: Is Saul bangable? On the one hand, he still has all his hair, he regularly goes for walks to stay fit, and he’s never not in a suit. On the other hand: pink shirt, green jacket, beige slacks, and a yellow tie?!
Maltmash3r
January 5th, 2021 at 5:52 am Reply
Mary Worth: The tragedy of this will be that dogs aren’t allowed in the restaurant since Wilbur brought his imported Mayo Hound who proceeded to fetch all the sandwiches and bring them back to his owner.
pastordan
January 5th, 2021 at 6:36 am Reply
Phantom: “C’mon, it’s Rhodia! We zip in, we zip out! It’s not like we’re going to Harare! It’s like Wisconsin!”
TheDiva
January 5th, 2021 at 6:52 am Reply
Crankshaft: I hope this ends with an ER doctor wondering how Lilian got an entire antique slide projector rammed up a very uncomfortable place. (“The back of a Volkswagen?”)
Guillermo el chiclero
January 5th, 2021 at 7:11 am Reply
Crankshaft: Here’s your problem, Ma’am. The owner’s manual specifically states that this device is not to be operated by loathsome hags.
Uncle Lumpy
January 5th, 2021 at 7:23 am Reply
Mary Worth: Saul and Eve are destined to be together — the *Mary Worth Gulls of Love®* foretell it!
lorne
January 5th, 2021 at 8:00 am Reply
Phantom: Finally. Some “hot lady pulling on khakis” action!
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 5th, 2021 at 8:51 am Reply
Hi & Lois: Lois prefers to be romanced a little more before a wife swap and preferably not have the kids around.
Horace Broon
January 5th, 2021 at 12:58 pm Reply
Mark Trail: I’m no expert, but I’m guessing that when the boat explodes, that’s not going to be great for the manatees either.
2+2=7
January 6th, 2021 at 1:07 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Will they get on with this? The only way the diagnosis could be more obvious is if the ghost of Wilford Brimley popped and shouted “Diabeetus.”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
Tonio
January 6th, 2021 at 4:27 am Reply
What does it say about me that “when will those two just bone already” is my reaction to both Mary Worth and today’s Pluggers?
pugfuggly
January 6th, 2021 at 5:21 am Reply
Mary Worth: Yes, all the sale items at the mall on route ten can be yours, if you make it through our fiendish house of mirrors! Mouhahahaha!
Bill’s Tummy Brain
January 6th, 2021 at 5:41 am Reply
Curtis: A strip advocating individual initiative and accepting responsibility? That’s a risky enough opinion to get you cancelled these days.
Weaselboy
January 6th, 2021 at 6:17 am Reply
Pluggers: “Thanks for taking me to the store!” “No problem, but I can’t help wondering why you couldn’t go to the store a few hours earlier. Seriously, that shows a real lack of planning on your part. Thank God my son-in-law showed me how to use the DVR so I can watch Wheel of Fortune when I get home.”
Shrug
January 6th, 2021 at 7:00 am Reply
PHOEBE AND HER PLOT DEVICE: “You have betrayed me, Cheese” does not have quite the gravitas of, say, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” but I can accept that, when translated into Unicorn worldview, it’s even more devastating.
pastordan
January 6th, 2021 at 7:17 am Reply
Curtis: Magical elephants without trunks spouting platitudes ain’t got nothing, insanity-wise, on dudes wearing white socks with sandals.
2+2=7
January 6th, 2021 at 8:02 am Reply
Mary Worth: Forget Mary, Josh. How are these two going to explain to their dogs what unfaithful hussies they were.
Joe Blevins
January 6th, 2021 at 8:52 am Reply
Mary Worth: The key to getting though a mall date with Saul Wynter? Lack of eye contact. Never look in his direction. Keep your eyes trained on the floor, as if there’s a fascinating little show happening down there.
Just John
January 6th, 2021 at 10:26 am Reply
Mary Worth: I was bothered by the lack of mayonnaise and karaoke and purple drank, but then I remembered that there are other ways to have terrible dates too.
Shrug
January 6th, 2021 at 12:56 pm Reply
FAMILY FREAKSHOW: No, no, Thel, you got confused and panicked. When Bill comes home unexpectedly early, you’re supposed to tell your “tennis instructor” to hide in the closet!
jenna
January 6th, 2021 at 7:29 pm Reply
Curtis: Look, Curtis Writer, don’t give me that “There is no more to say” crap. No one forced you to end this story with Arthur’s hand on the elephant’s butt. Did they fuck or what?
Poteet
January 7th, 2021 at 12:03 am Reply
Mary Worth: Seeing that blue suit reminds poor Eve that her husband died after being run over by the Lawrence Welk orchestra bus.
Liam
January 7th, 2021 at 4:33 am Reply
Judge Parker: “And well a whole domino thing starts and I’m more of a mahjong girl.”
Bill’s Tummy Brain
January 7th, 2021 at 4:56 am Reply
Mary Wurtz: Saul’s days are numbered as Eve realizes she can capture the heart of a tall, dark, and handsome mannequin who always looks good, never asks “where’s my sandwich?,” and is always hard.
jroggs
January 7th, 2021 at 4:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: I think they’re confused by the lack of headless dog mannequins wearing matching purple ties.
Uncle Lumpy
January 7th, 2021 at 5:08 am Reply
On Josh’s Blondie comment: Oh c’mon, Dagwood buys a bird *every time.* He just finishes it on the way home and throws away the feathers.
richardf8
January 7th, 2021 at 5:17 am Reply
Mark Trail: Tomorrow Mark sees he’s coming up on a manatee. He accelerates and the boat leaps out of water, clearing the manatee completely! Mark looks back, but his triumphant expression turns to dismay as he sees a single dorsal fin sticking up out of the water, and realizes that Mark Trail has jumped the shark.
Jihadi Colin
January 7th, 2021 at 5:38 am Reply
Wary Morth: “My husband was beheaded by ISIS! They even put a video online of it. Just wait till I get my hands on a Muslim and I’ll ask Mary to meddle him to death!”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 4
seismic-2
January 7th, 2021 at 6:23 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Wow, Saul, this sure brings back memories. I have a suit just like the one in the middle that I’ve still kept from back before I started cross-dressing full time!”
Mr. A
January 7th, 2021 at 6:34 am Reply
Blondie: I’d love it if Tootsie had an alliterative nickname for everyone in her social circle. “So then Chatty Charlene told me that Frowny Frances never wants to see Hairy Harry again. Anyway, how’s Dumb…I mean, how’s Dagwood?”
Shrug
January 7th, 2021 at 8:30 am Reply
MARY WORMTONGUE: Another theory: Eve is the reincarnation of Marie Antoinette. Or possibly of Charles-Henri Sanson.
Just John
January 7th, 2021 at 8:32 am Reply
6ix Chix: The thing The Man Who Knew Too Much didn’t know was that someone had sawed the legs of his chair in half, and also replaced his carpet and flooring with some kind of tar-like goo. Okay, that makes two things; I am The Man Who Can’t Count.
The Dimensional Otter
January 7th, 2021 at 4:34 pm Reply
Blondie: Mayhaps the situation in Blondie is that being comic strip characters is just their day job and when off the clock they interact with characters from other comics.
“Did you hear about Annoying Arlene? She’s complaining about her boyfriend…again. She should just dump Garfield already.”
Shrug
January 8th, 2021 at 5:08 am Reply
FUNGAL WILTBRAIN: “Is my new TV ‘forky’? I don’t know but I don’t want to risk finding out — that’s how we lost the previous TV. It started being glitchy, so I took the back off and stuck a fork in it…funny story…”
Guillermo el chiclero
January 8th, 2021 at 5:14 am Reply
The Lockhorns: I’ve noticed that the Lockhorns are associating more with people of color. They probably alienated all of their 1960s WASP neighbors by now.
Peanut Gallery
January 8th, 2021 at 5:22 am Reply
Marvin: Marvin‘s parents frequently regret their decision to build a circular house.
jroggs
January 8th, 2021 at 5:38 am Reply
Mark Trail: “Baaaawk! Take up arms against the government, Mark! Western democracy is a sham! Baaaaawk!”
Rocky the Flipped-Out Squirrel
January 8th, 2021 at 5:38 am Reply
Judge Dreadful: It’s a sad day when the liveliest thing about this strip is a long-buried corpse.
pugfuggly
January 8th, 2021 at 5:46 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: “Isn’t that kid weird?” said the old man to the ghost of the union soldier.
Voshkod
January 8th, 2021 at 6:50 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: “I mean, sure, they keep buying the kid new dogs after he kills them. I think this is Ruff number 22 or something. By the way, that’s a frag grenade the kid just threw, not a tennis ball. I’m gonna take cover and flashback to my time on Omaha Beach, OK?”
matt w
January 8th, 2021 at 8:09 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: I…don’t know what a 4K TV is? I am the out-of-touch character in Funky Winkerbean. Congratulations, Funky Winkerbean, after years of trying you’ve finally filled me with despair and the futility of life.
Horace Broon
January 8th, 2021 at 8:44 am Reply
Pluggers: Now I have “Galway to Graceland” by Richard Thompson running through my head. Which is better than thinking about Pluggers.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 8th, 2021 at 8:54 am Reply
Marvin: And he’ll keep it up until someone says, “Nobody puts baby in a corner.” Is that too much to ask?
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
Guillermo el chiclero
January 2nd, 2021 at 11:08 am Reply
Rex Morgan: What’s up, Rex?
Whatever you’re shoving into your piehole, spit it out now!
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 2nd, 2021 at 1:01 pm Reply
Mark Trail: Mark delivers a haymaker to his dad and then escapes in a motorboat, a brilliant halo emanating from his head. The biblical tale being retold here is not one I’m familiar with.
Sunday
———-
Peanut Gallery
January 3rd, 2021 at 6:54 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: When they finally find Mr. Wilson’s glasses, Mrs. Wilson can get back to her recipe for one oatmeal cookie. Getting the right number of raisins out of that tiny single-serving Sun-Maid box is tricky!
Horace Broon
January 3rd, 2021 at 11:00 am Reply
Pluggers: Where does Andy go to wash his hands, that he’s hurrying back to the bathroom from? There’s a sink right there! Wait, I’ve got that the wrong way round, haven’t I? He’s hurrying back from the woods, so he can wash his hands.
Monday
———–
Voshkod
January 4th, 2021 at 7:13 am Reply
Curtis: “I’m not magic. I’m not even an elephant. I’m an hallucination your dying brain is making as you pass out from the gas you left on in your suicide attempt! Well, it’s not an attempt anymore. Congratulations!”
jenna
January 4th, 2021 at 4:41 pm Reply
Curtis: “Hm…” Arthur thought, “You’re advising me to force a better relationship with my unpleasant neighbor through pastries. That makes you sound an awful lot like…wait a minute…” Arthur then ripped off the elephant’s mask to reveal it was in fact (gasp) Mary Worth!
Tuesday
———–
Maltmash3r
January 5th, 2021 at 5:47 am Reply
Phantom: Someone has to clean up after that rhino, and it damn well isn’t “He who walks with Lucha fighters.”
Joe Blevins
January 5th, 2021 at 9:56 am Reply
Mary Worth: Attention, all ill-mannered, disruptive teens in Santa Royale! Get your lazy asses down to the Santa Royale Mall next week! You will not regret this!
Wednesday
—————
Mike Litterest-Ingalls
January 6th, 2021 at 8:06 am Reply
Family Circus: Thel has begun resorting to ever more direct ways of getting her meaning across to Bil. “Kids, your mom is in the-…ohhhhhhhhh.”
Vardian
January 6th, 2021 at 10:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: Eve should pull her scarf up over her nose. Not because of Covid, but because someone might see her with Saul.
Thursday
————
Ace
January 7th, 2021 at 4:46 am Reply
Mary Worth: Eve’s reaction is because she’s never seen an ordinary tie before. Sorry Saul, your bow tie reign is OVER.
Zla’od
January 7th, 2021 at 5:24 pm Reply
Phantom: “This Towns Ellerby…ay caramba! If only I could wrestle him in the ring. We would smear oil all over our bulging muscles, then grip each other tightly, our fingers straining for any purchase.”
Friday
——–
BigTed
January 8th, 2021 at 4:43 am Reply
Pluggers: I object! You’re not a real plugger if your “halfway between thin and fat Elvis” outfit still fits you.
Hibbleton
January 8th, 2021 at 6:14 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Wilson is telling the random vagabond he’s come upon that Dennis’ parents are just ‘Ordinary People’ and wouldn’t have the financial wherewithal or political connections to mobilize a large scale search should their child go missing or something.
Shadow COTW
——————
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 7th, 2021 at 7:28 am Reply
Mary Worth: That awkward moment when you see your lady friend orgasm for the first time while you’re out window shopping.
That Mark Trail history is really good!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guillermo el chiclero
January 2nd, 2021 at 9:15 am Reply
JP: So Toni can afford to live in New York on what a part-time adjunct professor makes? Her plan is to mooch off Sophie once she gets there.
kulele Ike
January 2nd, 2021 at 10:13 am Reply
@Guillermo el chiclero: And now TONI is being coy about just which university in NYC she’s heading for.
Sophie: “I’m going to college…in NEW YORK CITY!”
Toni: “I’ve received a career offer…in NEW YORK CITY!”
Really, nobody does this. You say you’re going to Dartmouth, NOT Hanover, New Hampshire. You’re going to the University of Michigan, NOT Ann Arbor.
Ces wants us to think the girls are bound for Columbia University, or NYU at least. In reality, they will both be attending Al’s School of Air Conditioner Repair, on East 14th Street.
Poteet
January 2nd, 2021 at 10:33 am Reply
@Ukulele Ike: I for one would be excited to see what it’s like to attend Al’s School of Air Conditioner Repair in NYC. It would be such a welcome change from the supposed life in NYC that we are shown in 9CL. I strongly vote for your story direction. I wanna meet Al.
Guillermo el chiclero
January 2nd, 2021 at 10:57 am Reply
@Ukulele Ike: #703: Can Toni Bowen stay at your place if she trades sexual favors for room and board? I already told her you’re a really good cook.
Ukulele Ike
January 2nd, 2021 at 12:29 pm Reply
@Guillermo el chiclero: Sex Rule #843: “Never stick it where Judge Randy Parker stuck it.”
Uncle Lumpy
January 2nd, 2021 at 1:00 pm Reply
@Ukulele Ike:
“Never stick it where Judge Randy Parker stuck it.”
Because Randy Parker is a randy parker.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I speak Jive
January 3rd, 2021 at 7:46 am Reply
9CL – Notice that he didn’t draw her from the front. As tight as that getup is she must have an extremely noticeable camel toe.
How in the world did she squeeze into that?
If anyone who hasn’t been paying attention wonders what Brooke’s fetish is, today’s strip might give you a clue.
Crankshaft – Oh, goody! Loathsome Lillian is hanging out with them. She must be taking a break from churning out her best selling murder mysteries.
Just a reminder that Lillian is a loathsome hag.
TheDiva
January 3rd, 2021 at 7:50 am Reply
FW: I do NOT want to hear about anyone’s Golden Dinkle.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guillermo el chiclero
January 3rd, 2021 at 9:23 am Reply
FC: Hey Jeffy. You’re horning in on Dolly’s territory. It’s her job to be the family narc. Are you trying to, as the Chinese say, break her rice bowl?
RMMD: This story better end with Rex having to amputate Buck’s legs.
And ah-one and ah-two and ah-Scrote for Old School Allie Cat for the name “Buck Wise (and pound foolish).”
Just John
January 4th, 2021 at 9:45 am Reply
Judge Parker: Why is she watching a tv show about cryptic crosswords?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lillian, the Loathsome Hag
January 4th, 2021 at 8:28 am Reply
You clowns think you’re “funny”, huh? Wait til my new mystery comes out: Murder at Comics Curmudgeon
Who’ll be first to go? (cackle)
I speak Jive
January 4th, 2021 at 12:25 pm Reply
@Lillian, the Loathsome Hag: You’re loathsome.
Old School Allie Cat
January 4th, 2021 at 11:53 am Reply
Gil Thorp – I don’t know where this is going… is the plot line that boys basketball is terrible? Is it that the kid with CP is the next Doc Emerick? That Corrina is going to call Tess out for being fake cheerful? Or will Tess call Corrina out for being a fake badass? Confused? You won’t be, on the next episode of… Thorp!
Corina Karenna
January 4th, 2021 at 12:27 pm Reply
Gil Thorp: Check out this super-duper repository of Milford football information, including a purportedly complete list of football players dating back some years, courtesy of somebody going by the handle “Billy the Skink”. Since I’m the new kid at Milford, I would not presume to question the accuracy. I do have one question though: when ya gonna turn your mighty skills toward volleyball and girls’ hoops, Billy boy?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baja Gaijin
January 4th, 2021 at 3:27 pm Reply
Mark Trail: Can you imagine the flatus clouds building up in the miles of intestines inside the dead manatee? I shudder to think someone may harness these super farts for evil purposes.
Myrtle
January 5th, 2021 at 5:02 am Reply
MW: Eve now hopes to have a “social life” in Santa Royale, so she needs to shop for some new Fruit of the Looms. The lacy model. Max will get matching BVDs.
jroggs
January 5th, 2021 at 5:00 am Reply
MW: Do you enjoy good locations for eating? Come to the scenic Santa Royale Mall on Route 10! We’ve got nice lunch places for the suitable midday meal consumption that you, your loved ones, and your dogs will find perfectly adequate! The Santa Royale Mall on Route 10: your one-stop destination for okay food areas!
made of wince
January 5th, 2021 at 5:39 am Reply
MW: I was hoping when she said “I need to do some shopping“, the next panel would say, “Like, right now.” Followed by a plume of dust.
Guillermo el chiclero
January 5th, 2021 at 7:38 am Reply
MW: Have you ever had your tires rotated at the Santa Royale Goodyear shop? The owner lets us stay in the car while it’s up on the hydraulic lift. I’ve heard that Weston girl has had her best sex up there.
BigTed
January 5th, 2021 at 4:37 am Reply
Mary Worth: Lunch and shopping? Hoo-boy, Saul, you just suggested the least romantic date idea since today’s activity, throwing out dog poop on the boardwalk. Anyway, good luck in the friend zone — that’s probably where you belong anyway, given your testosterone levels.
Blondie: Maybe everyone else is working remotely, and only Dagwood and Dithers are left to wander around their cavernous offices. Dithers knows he needs to keep a constant watch to make sure Dag completes even a minimum amount of work — plus, he’s incredibly lonely, and his worst employee is, strangely enough, his only friend. Being an old man in a pandemic with a wife who hates you isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, even if you’re rich!
Peanut Gallery
January 5th, 2021 at 5:14 am Reply
Blondie – “Yes, it was a tough year. There were three or four random days when we were all wearing face masks! What was THAT about?”
Tabby Lavalamp
January 5th, 2021 at 5:58 am Reply
Of course Dithers keeps a chair just around the corner where he can berate and belittle Dagwood without having to look at his annoying little face. If he’s going to have to pay his employees a “fair wage”, he’s going to get his money’s worth, damn it.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I speak Jive
January 5th, 2021 at 8:33 am Reply
Rex Morgan – Rex sent him for blood work and didn’t bother to tell him not to eat or drink anything that morning? It’s going to be a clusterfuck if he ever has to send Buck for a colonoscopy.
Maude R. Fawker
January 5th, 2021 at 7:05 am Reply
Love Is:
“Wanna pic of my tits? Nothin’ to see, though, ‘cept nips, and tiny ones at that.”
“Oh well! Wanna pic of my dick? Don’t have one ‘a them neither.”
“Too bad! Wanna pic of my pubic hair? It’s either shaved or never grew in.”
“No matter! Wanna pic of my butthole? Pretty sure I don’t have one, though.”
“It’s fine! Wanna pic of my cooter? Doesn’t exist. I’ve looked, no sign of one.”
“Why, exactly, are we naked then?”
Zla’od
January 5th, 2021 at 7:42 am Reply
@Maude R. Fawker: They’re nude, not naked. “Naked” suggests a whole constellation of emotional associations. “Nude” just means they happen not to be wearing clothes.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonio
January 6th, 2021 at 4:27 am Reply
What does it say about me that “when will those two just bone already” is my reaction to both Mary Worth and today’s Pluggers?
Uncle Lumpy
January 6th, 2021 at 5:22 am Reply
Saul and Eve communicate exclusively through and about their dogs. Greta knows she’s just a short step away from “Show me on the dog where he touched you.”
Doctor Moreau
January 6th, 2021 at 6:36 am Reply
I’m looking forward to Mary’s inevitable advice: “Saul, if the woman you’re courting 1. needs an apology because you wouldn’t let her take her dog to the mall, where pets generally aren’t allowed; 2. plans to make it up to said dog for “the rest of the week” for being away for a couple of hours; and 3. only owns one outfit … normally I’d advise you to run the other way. But given that you also only have one outfit, and suffer from a neurological condition where you can only make eye contact with the top of someone’s head, well, gather ye rosebuds while ye may, my dude.”
Maltmash3r
January 6th, 2021 at 4:45 am Reply
Pluggers- Do you suppose he still has the “Cash, Grass or Ass- Noone rides for free” bumper sticker he had in the 70s?
pugfuggly
January 6th, 2021 at 5:21 am Reply
Pluggers: Ugh, this gag has gone full circle and now ‘taking me to the store’ just sounds like a terrible euphemism. “Yeah, thanks for clearing my inventory, baby: there was a fire sale in my pants…!”
Dennis Jimenez
January 6th, 2021 at 7:13 am Reply
Pluggers – Boy, you weren’t kidding when you said you couldn’t work a stick….
GeoGreg
January 6th, 2021 at 11:48 am Reply
Pluggers know that a diagnosis of macular degeneration is as good as being sold to a sex trafficker.
Peanut Gallery
January 6th, 2021 at 4:48 am Reply
Beetle – I understand what The General’s going through. It’s so hard to come up with a good %#$!*& grawlix.
Tabby Lavalamp
January 6th, 2021 at 5:32 am Reply
Now that you mention it, I can see Halftrack being the kind of boss who Toobins it at his desk despite his secretary having a clear line of sight through the open door. “My back is turned, she won’t know.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baja Gaijin
January 6th, 2021 at 6:14 am Reply
Family Circus: Bil’s getting some closet nookie if he can get the melonheads out of the way before Thel loses the mood. That’s a big “if,” as big as the kids massive crainums.
Shrug
January 6th, 2021 at 12:56 pm Reply
FAMILY FREAKSHOW: No, no, Thel, you got confused and panicked. When Bill comes home unexpectedly early, you’re supposed to tell your “tennis instructor” to hide in the closet!
2+2=7
January 6th, 2021 at 9:01 am Reply
FUNKY WINKERBEAN: “So how much will my copy of Women, Amirite? sell for?”
I speak Jive
January 6th, 2021 at 8:51 am Reply
Rex Morgan – How can Buck not be aware of the symptoms of diabeetus? On the other hand, why didn’t Rex tell him that that’s what he’s looking at? It’s better to think about that than worrying if he’s testing for cancer.
Meanwhile, the little girl looks around at her family of moron gluttons. She sees her future, and it isn’t pretty.
Just John
January 6th, 2021 at 9:42 am Reply
RMMD:
“Can I have the rest of your fries, then, Dad?
“Sure! If you want to end up like me.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baja Gaijin
January 6th, 2021 at 9:26 pm Reply
Luann: Even dimwitted Jack knows Bernice needs to get laid.
Poteet
January 7th, 2021 at 12:03 am Reply
MW: Seeing that blue suit reminds poor Eve that her husband died after being run over by the Lawrence Welk orchestra bus.
pugfuggly
January 7th, 2021 at 6:24 am Reply
MW: Not sure what’s going on with Saul, but Eve pissed herself, right? I mean that’s how I’m reading that dialogue.
pastordan
January 7th, 2021 at 6:49 am Reply
In all seriousness, Saul’s liberation from stuffy bow tie wearer to, uh, less stodgy long tie wearer may be the most dramatic thing that’s happened in this strip in years. (The dachshund’s going to have a terrible time with her new outfit.)
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 7th, 2021 at 7:28 am Reply
MW: That awkward moment when you see your lady friend orgasm for the first time while you’re out window shopping.
I speak Jive
January 7th, 2021 at 8:51 am Reply
FC – 1995 caption: “Conscience is when God sends a fax to your head.”
Original 1965 caption: “Conscience is when God sends a telegram to your head.”
Horace Broon
January 7th, 2021 at 12:31 pm Reply
FW: Crazy Harry isn’t being sarcastic here. It really is official Komix Korner advice that if your wife makes you sell your collection, you should buy a lifesized Iron Man to spite her and then get divorced, assuming she doesn’t then do that part for you.
I assume the poster with the green-and-black jester’s cap behind them is of Atomikk’s latest totally original character: Punchin’ Ella.
BigTed
January 8th, 2021 at 4:40 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: You can get a large 4K television very cheaply these days, especially if you’re willing to buy an off-brand model. And considering that these guys are drinking sodas whose labels just say “Pop,” I’m guessing that’s an option.
nescio
January 8th, 2021 at 4:42 am Reply
FW: “Is your new TV 4K?”
“Who the fuck is Kay?”
“Your neighbor down the street who died of cancer.”
“Oh yeah, we took it off her porch.”
DtM: This would have made more sense if Dennis were wearing his anachronistic saddle shoes.
Hibbleton
January 8th, 2021 at 6:14 am Reply
DtM: Wilson is telling the random vagabond he’s come upon that Dennis’ parents are just ‘Ordinary People’ and wouldn’t have the financial wherewithal or political connections to mobilize a large scale search should their child go missing or something.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seismic-2
January 8th, 2021 at 5:13 am Reply
I wish Marvin’s parents wouldn’t give him a shirt that explicitly designates him as Number 2.
Liam
January 8th, 2021 at 6:02 am Reply
Marvin-I don’t think she means sit.
Tom T.
January 8th, 2021 at 5:56 am Reply
Luann: Today she’s dressed like a commando, albeit probably with a lot of underwear.
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy.
“Sex (or maybe the muffins)” is how an orgy is listed on the Charterstone activity calendar.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Thanks for the mention, Scratchy. As well as all you others helping my “brand.” There’s no such thing as bad publicity!
Lillian’s holding out for a part in the Loathsome Dove sequel. Nobody tell her!
@Uncle Lumpy: You winsome, you loathsome.
And thank you to Scratchy and Baja for the mentions, plus congratulations to those on the float.
@16 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: 3 Scratchies! Thanks, LXiX!
Thanks as always to Josh, Baja, and Scratchy! I don’t care if this brands me as a Plugger, I love getting back to the normal weekly routine.
Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy!
Happy first CotW of 2021 everybody! Congrats to the folks on the float and thank you to Baja and Scratchy.
Happy new year to all, congrats the COTWs, and thanks to Josh (and Baja and Scratchy) for the mentions! Now, in honor of Mark Trail, I’m going to listen to the soundtrack of Neil Diamond songs from the Jonathan Livingston Seagull movie. (They’re trippy.)
So many good quips, glad to be included.
Thank you, Baja & LXIX!
Thanks to Josh for picking me, and congrats all around! Y’all gave me some good chuckles.
Danke schoen – for all the joy and pain….
Hooray, a Shadow (and an assist, I guess) and a Scrotey! Thank you both, and congrats all!
Hey, where was the “new Mark Trail in review”? Was that a reference to the Carlson-Ghost article? Because that never actually covers more of New MT than its promotional material.
Thanks for the Shadow Ride, Baja. I think I’ll throw hot dogs from the float for all the hungry little doggies lining the parade route.
Oh, the roses are red and the violets are blue
If I had a float, Lumpy’d be on there too
With his keen-eyed perception and verses that roll
With meter and taste, like the Jungle Patrol.
Congrats to all, and thanks for the ride on the shadow float! Throws Bum Boat Express popcorn shrimp to everyone- heck it’s not like I can eat it!
@Avoiding the Madding Crowd: I want my hot dogs stuck to a pineapple.
@38 Zla’od: Like this?
Wow, two throwaway comments I made on the spur of the moment got SCOTWs? Sproinnngggg!
@40 Jihadi Colin: It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality that counts.
Congrats to Mudgeony Mr. A, everyone on the float and my fellow shadowfloaters and scratchies! A Broon Croon to Uncle Lumpy!
Genteel adulation for Mr. A, COTW Winner, and the many assorted winners of other Shadow and Scrote honors. Thanks for the funny! And thank you, Baja and Scratchy, for your generosity in recognizing my comments this week! Also, thank you, Lawrence Welk.