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Blondie, 1/5/21

I regret to inform you that, mere days into 2021, I am back on my bullshit, and I think readers of this blog know me well enough to know that “figuring out how characters in legacy comics occupy and move through physical space” makes up a surprisingly large portion of my bullshit. Anyway, does Mr. Dithers not actually have his own office with a door? Does he just have a desk around … a corner from Dagwood’s workspace, presumably so he doesn’t have took at his worst employee’s dumb face but can hear him snoring and swoop into to pile on the abuse, if necessary? Or, other possibility: does he sometimes just spin around on his chair and scoot around the bullpen on it, as he appears to be doing here, dropping sick burns on his workforce while they’re within earshot before retreating back to the dignified, enclosed office area reserved for his use only?

The Phantom, 1/5/21

Hey, remember that time a lady cop and a waitress quit their dead-end (?) jobs to join the Jungle Patrol, Bangalla’s elite paramilitary force that takes orders from its “Unknown Commander,” the Phantom? This display of “girl power” was a bit undercut by the fact that every subsequent appearance of these two involved them projecting their fantasies on the Unknown Commander and getting extremely horny for him. Anyway, today they’re learning what happens when you commit yourself body and soul to the regime of an unaccountable superhero, which is that sometimes you have to go clean up the mess he left behind, possibly by murdering some dudes so he doesn’t have to.

Mary Worth, 1/5/21

Mary Worth knows that some of its readers might have found the previous storyline, which explicitly depicted the use of illegal narcotics, a little too thrilling, and so, in order to maintain everyone’s equilibrium, the first storyline in the new year will involve a senior gentleman asking a somewhat taller senior lady on a date to the mall (with like a week’s worth of cushion so we all have time to prepare ourselves, emotionally, to read about the date).