Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/11/21
GTV8 ANCHOR BRYCE NEWMARK: Tonight’s top story: One local big sister, previously believed to be “basically OK,” has now been discovered to be “a big ol’ jerk.” Chad?
REPORTER CHAD HARRINGTON: That’s correct, Bryce. Sources on the ground have determined that this elder sibling, far from being “all right I guess” or even just “whatever,” is in fact “a big ol’ jerk.” We’re probing more deeply into this story and will keep you appraised of developments
NEWMARK: Is it possible that the big sister question is actually “a total doody head”?
HARRINGTON: We don’t have any solid information on that point yet. But a lot of our sources are definitely pointing in that direction.
NEWMARK: Say, wasn’t there something involving a comic book about a police cat in this story somewhere?
HARRINGTON: Maybe, but literally who cares!
[EVERYONE IN THE STUDIO LAUGHS]
Gasoline Alley, 12/11/21
Look, I don’t feel like explaining what’s happening in Gasoline Alley and you frankly don’t want to sit through the explanation, but just trust me when I say that the sudden presence of a sinister, grinning talking doll that says things like “Where do you want to go?” and “What’s the hold up?” when innocent children get nervous about the promise to transport them across time and space via dark magic came very much out of nowhere and I am here for it.