Mary Worth, 1/26/22
I hate to say that Mary doesn’t understand even the basic outlines of the personalities of the people she spends all her time with, but I can guarantee you that, if Wilbur’s soul were looking down from heaven, he would very much not want anyone taking a stiff upper lip attitude about his death, but in fact would be achieving the angelic equivalent of physical arousal at the thought of various women weeping and tearing at their hair because they miss him so much. I’m reasonably sure that he’s taking his sweet time asking to borrow a cell phone from anyone on Party Island precisely so he can pump Mary for information about exactly how sad everyone was thinking he was dead. It certainly would be a shame if he overplayed his hand and everyone turned on him once he got back!
Funky Winkerbean, 1/26/22
Speaking of fake deaths, remember when Lisa called Les to stop him from getting on a plane, after she died, which was never really followed up on? What I’m trying to say is that Mary Worth couldn’t let us think Wilbur was dead for more than a week, but if it turns out that Funky Winkerbean has managed to fool us for 15 years, I will frankly be willing to forgive an awful lot.