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FOLKS … nothing gold can stay, because everything gold will eventually develop cancer, or CTE, or a hearing disability, and that’s why Funky Winkerbean at the end of the year will, in the words of the Daily Cartoonist, “reach completion” (ew?). I guess this explains why Funky is retiring and Summer is writing a book about her dad’s boring old friends. Don’t worry, though: Tom Batuik will still be posting occasional Funky stories on Tom Batuik dot com, and Crankshaft will keep on aggressively malaproping indefinitely, so there’s still hope that we’ll eventually find out whether Cayla divorces Les or not.

Funky Winkerbean has of course been one of my favorite strips to make fun of since the Masky McDeath days, and it goes without saying that I am sad to see it go! Say what you will about all the cancer, but it was its own unique multilayered world and, somewhat bizarrely, had multiple lives as a cultural touchstone. I hope Batuik enjoys (semi) retirement. I just want to point out that I’ve been doing this blog since 2004, and I never taught my spellcheck the word “Winkerbean” and now, sadly, it appears I’m never going to have to. RIP to a real one.

But we must plod on and do what we can in a Funkyless world! Credit goes to Bowsnonk on Twitter for the title of this post, and credit must also go to the comment of the week:

“One thing all the building-up of the Truck Tyler legend didn’t prepare me for was how exquisitely bitchy his between-song patter is.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

And here are this week’s runners up! Very funny!

“Boy it’s true what … [flips over to open google tab] … Indian actor and film producer Mohanlal says: ‘Life is just a collage of events.’ Really. That’s why, every once in a while, it’s ok to have a Sunday strip that doesn’t advance a storyline, provide any new information, or is interesting in any real way. Because chatting with someone in the lobby of your building is just one of those ‘events’ that we gluestick onto the great poster board of life, ok? Just enjoy the collage, folks.” –pugfuggly

“I kind of wonder what’s going on in Sarge’s mind right now. He gives his bipedal, clothes-wearing dog a command, and the dog responds by walking away in silence with a sad, resigned look on his face, only to come back moments later with a bottle of hot sauce and an air of grim determination. Is he horrified at how his cruel order is affecting his loyal companion? Or is he worried that he’ll wake one morning to the smell of hot sauce and hot, drooling breath just inches from his leg?” –TheDiva

“I bet someone hooked Mary up, whether Tommy is still dealing or not. Just look at panel two. No way does a simple shopping trip for a bagful of groceries provide that much dopamine — not in this economy! Have you seen the cost of butter lately, dude?” –made of wince

“[tries for five minutes to express my feeling of queasiness and revulsion at a married couple submitting to Pluggers together] Do pluggers really like pistachio?” –matt w

“With his army routed by the winged hussars of Poland and the campaign to capture Vienna an abject failure, Grand Vizier George Wilson Pasha is punished as befits a high-ranking Ottoman officer, by strangulation with a silk cord. [1683, colorized]” –jroggs

“The best part of Dennis the Menace is how resigned both Wilsons are to Dennis murdering one of them. Mrs. Wilson is at least a little surprised that her husband isn’t even trying to fight back against the child he outweighs by a good 150 pounds.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘How are things going in your life, Iris?’ ‘Amazingly well…’ ‘Excuse me, Iris, I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the flowers outside. You’re not the only Iris here, you know. So rude.‘ ‘Things are going great, Mary, thanks for asking. Sunny day, so photosynthesis is underway, and I think a bee might stop by later!’” –Voshkod

“I want to take the opportunity to congratulate Walker & Associates for getting it right and presenting a recognizable — potato? lemon? — foodstuff in the first panel. Way to go, Contract Worker #36! You have earned work until Thanksgiving.” –Bobby Sneakers

“Mr. Dithers seems a bit confused by this protest, as well he should be. Who are these people? Why are they shouting and circling in the middle of his office? How have they managed to corral his dipshit office manager into their antics? No, wait, he’s got that part.” –pastordan

“Hi is microdosing testosterone to make life more bearable. The beard shows that the physical effects are there, but the face shows it did not solve the psychological issues.” -Ettorre

“What is that empty space where they’re picketing? This strip does this all the time; they are post-modernists who have deconstructed the concept of a ‘room.’ Here’s a wall, here’s a floor, here’s some wainscoting, here’s a … doorway(?), all scattered randomly without logical connection.” –Tom T.

“Say what you will about Dorothy, but I for one appreciate how accommodating she is in the midst of tragedy. ‘Get up! I’m going to kick your #&%.‘ ‘Why, certainly, Keri! One mo. Do I face you, or the wall, or what?’” –els

“I suspect what Dorothy is laughing at is some parents’ choice to spell their daughter’s name as ‘Allyson’. That’s much too trendy for Milford.” –seismic-2

“Are they actually selling a Trixie NFT? Because between this and the mug… I dunno, I just think maybe somebody at King Features is overestimating how much people like looking at Trixie.” –Dan

“The audience is so disappointed. They were hoping to hear songs from Mud’s new album, Glutton for Nourishment.” –Inspector Gotcha

“I don’t know the name of the town in this strip, but the citizens have shown they’re pretty progressive by electing a mayor who’s a sex android.” –BeckoningChasm

“Notice that Henry is taking advantage of Dennis’s complaints to slip his food back into the serving dish. Maybe he and Dennis are working in tandem, and maybe Alice’s food really is awful. This whole family is made of menace!” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Didn’t Coach Hernandez refer to his kid as the ‘Little Bedwetter’? Maybe this common bond of sons with nocturnal enuresis will unite Gil and Hernandez — enemies on the streets, but plastic beneath the sheets?” –Old School Allie Cat

“Look at these disturbing creatures. They should rename this strip Uncanny Alley.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

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