For better or for worse, or at least for a while
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Mary Worth, 1/13/23
Iris and Zak just had a church wedding, but it’s never been entirely clear what their religious/spiritual deal is. Zak in particular seems unsure but curious about what happens after death. Will he and Iris be resurrected bodily, and be able to enjoy each other bodily, in the next life? Will they transcend this plane of existence and love one another as spiritual beings of pure mind, delighting in each other in ways we can’t currently even imagine? Is it necessary for Iris to go through an elaborate mummification process after her death, and for Zak to be buried alive in her pyramid, to ensure that they will be together forever in neter-khertet, the underworld realm of Lord Osiris? These questions and more await them on their journey!
Gil Thorp, 1/13/23
On the other hand, he may discover that marriage is a long slog and that twenty years or so from now one or both of them will, like Emily “Mimi” Thorp, find themselves flirting with their golf coach. Who can say! The future is unknowable!
169 replies to “For better or for worse, or at least for a while”
Mary Worth: Someone please tell me today’s strip was sponsored by the Barfbag Manufacturers Association of America. I’m sure I’m not the only one reflexively regurgitating after reading it.
Family Circus: I can tell Jeffy’s been eating candles again: He always gets a bad case of “the stupids” after a bayberry taper.
Rex Morgan: It’s our favorite aunt, Tildy! What kind of hijinx will she bring to the Morgan household? I hope she’s dating the Mud Mountain. A match made in whimsical heaven!
The Lockhorns: You wanna see something funny? Look at Leroy’s shoes.
Mary Worth Mashups: Gratuitious T&A to distract from the glurge.
Panel 2 is where Iris finds out Zak is Mormon.
MW: Like all good sci-fi, the plot is best told in retrospect. There was only one survivor at Piccadee falls and millionaire tech-wiz Zak has made a fairly good replica, with perhaps, one fatal flaw. He has placed the on-off switch, curiously shaped like an ordinary faucet handle, in plain view on its right, face cheek.
Lockhorns: I really must admire how Leroy, this master of passive aggression, protests against his employer’s “casual Friday” policy. “Screw casual Fridays,” he’s thinking to himself, “I’d rather just wear a suit like on all other days. But if we have to have casual Fridays, and the policy allows me wearing a business suit with pink crocs and no socks, that’s damn well what I’m going to wear!”
FC: If there was a comic strip that would rapidly become a slasher flick I would’ve never guessed it would be Family Circus.
Phantom: It seems the Bandars have actually adopted one item of modern technology, and it’s Spandex. Because if that thing she’s wearing on top were made with traditional Bandar technology, it would just be a piece of cloth wrapped around her chest, and it would in no way fit like it was painted on.
I guess she figured that if she was going to cover up to fit the colonial standards of modesty, she might as well go the whole hog and use that strange “sports bra” contraption the last set of missionaries were handing out before they were killed off.
JP:
Sudsie: “That detective left.”
“What?! Before he opened his presents?”
GT: Bored out of her mind after twenty years’ marriage to Gil, Mimi is flattered by her coach’s flirt attempt. Maybe there is something to this bisexuality thing after all?
SFx: Today’s cartoon is a nice little drama of jealousy and raw, animal desire. The blonde realizes, too late, why her date chose this particular pizza joint, and that his desire is not just for pizza. Meanwhile, the cat is not interested in hot, spicy waitresses; his desire is just to sink his teeth into that delicious, hot, spicy pizza topping.
MW: “Mmm, yes, I’m the best man you know…best man… By the way, who was that guy you chose to be my best man? We never got the chance to talk. You know, the one with hair just like yours. Timmy, Tommy? You picked him out of pity, right? Where’d you meet that clown?”
Today’s strip makes more sense when you understand that by “God” Iris means “Mary.”
MW: Well, I hope Zak is not Christian then. In the gospel, Christ when asked about it said, “in Heaven there is no marriage-that’s why it’s Heaven!” We can be certain the Lockhorns,if not Christian already, have converted.
Perhaps the only time in our lifetime that a Gil Thorp/Luann crossover makes sense.
Phantom – THAP*
*”Hey big boy, how ’bout a little penetration?” In the Bandar tongue.
FC: In a rare SFx/FC crossover, Count Weirdly has snuck into the Keane Compound and replaced some light bulbs with his latest invention, the dark bulb. It’s an ingenious invention, really: it sucks up all light in the neighbourhood, converts it into electricity, and sends it back to the grid.
But since Count Weirdly is who he is, he isn’t using this invention to help reduce society’s dependence on dirty, expensive fossil energy; no, he just uses it to mess with people’s minds. Though, in the case of the melonheads, there isn’t much mind there to mess with. Joke’s on you, Weirdly!
MW: Whoa! There’s a lot to unpack here! Why is Iris referring to her groom as the BEST MAN? Did she marry the wrong guy? Why doesn’t Iris have a wine glass and utensils—is she Zak’s Little Piggy now, expected to gobble the upcoming “hamburger gravy over white rice, with roasted glazed carrots on the side” like Randy Parker in “A Christmas Story?” Why don’t her drop earrings obey the laws of gravity? Is Zak developing a goiter? (Is that thyroid thing contagious?) Most distressing is Zak’s promise of carrying this revolting relationship into The Beyond. I don’t think Mary Worth would countenance there being anything at all outside the limits of Charterstone and her own iron grip on the characters’ lives, unless The Moy has decided to branch out with a new, Topper-like strip focused on Zak and Iris in the Afterlife, bedeviling the living daylights out of everyone with their sappy dialogue. GoodgodIhopenot..
Also, is that a floral horseshoe on the wall?
Phantom: Perhap’s we’re barking up the wrong tree when we’re snarking at this comic for its dated, colonial values. There is a radical, woke message in today’s strip, where the woman of colour is turning the tables and penetrating the male, white, violent fascist with a phallic arrow. If this isn’t intersectional feminism, then what is?
FC: Jeffy’s indignant appeal to the lord about the sudden plunge into darkness is reminiscent of Capt. Ahab. “Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I’d strike the sun if it insulted me.”
He may be a moron but he’s got a lot of spunk.
MW: “People may look at us and wonder what we’re doing getting married…” /smash cut to reverse angle of the entire ballroom looking at them in silent disgust/
GT So, Emily Thorp just has a thing for coaches of any gender, is that what I’m getting? Makes sense, sort of a light sub/dom thing. Plus you get to keep score.
Can we just get to the part of this Mary Worth plotline where the Deadly Vipers kick in the chapel doors?
MW- I’m guessing that the author has not attended a modern wedding. Between having to greet everybody, check on troublesome family members and pure stress relief (drinking, smoking, alone time) all while fighting the urge to cry, the happy couple never has time to sit and talk this drivel. It’s more like “wow, glad we’re almost done”, “check out Aunt May’s dress”, “when’s the cab coming to take us to the airport”, or “are you wearing the edible underwear?”
Family Circus : “Dolly, please TURN OFF THE DARK!” … I didn’t Dolly grew up to become Julie Taymor.
*******
Gil Thorp : Geez, Back off, Ericka, Mimi’s married and straight, you’re coming off a little strong for “I plan to divorce my husband”, when all Coach Mrs Thorp said was “my marriage is kind of in a rough patch, the feeling is not there anymore.”
*******
Luann : D. Coverly is Jack, and the heroine is a thinly-disguised Bernice, because of course everything revolves around Bernice and how awesome she is.
Always remember “Inner Beauty” initially referred to Nancy, Karen’s OTHER author avatar (once she realised they’re the same age now)That, or it’s professor Zebo, because
he hasn’t been used in a whilehis “uses big pretentious words to pretend he’s smart” translates very well into “writes unreadable purple prose dumb people are convinced sounds intelligent”, which is a neat angle for “actually, this erotica is very well written and clever!”(Nah, that won’t happen, that would make BERNICE the butt of the joke, and Bernice is NEVER to be the target of ridicule!)*******
Mary Worth : “I wish for happiness for however long God gives us to live on this Earth”!? Sheesh, Iris, you’re just in your 50s, it’s not like you’re a terminal cancer patient with only 6 months left to live, what’s with this “I could drop dead right after the ceremony” stuff?
********
Pluggers : think any phenomenon that annoys them is recent, even though I’m pretty sure Saint Augustine, Florida got wrecked pretty hard by HURRICANE ANDREW in the early 90s.
Also, didn’t Rhino-Man hock his TV? Did he buy it back?********
Slylock Fox : “This pizzeria is kinda grody. There’s a live cat, like, right over there!” “Oh, come on, babe, it’s not that bad! I’ve eaten at worst pizzerias!” “I don’t believe you.” “Well, there was that place, back in Ohio, called Monotony or something like that…”
MW: Or they could just be reincarnated as Pluggers — the possibilities are endless!
DtM: Frankly, the roots of Burning Man I didn’t see coming.
@Baja Gaijin: Holy smokes, these are excellent.
MW: “Maybe even beyond?”
Either Zak’s a confirmed agnostic, or he’s expecting to find someone better after he dies.
SF: Oh, dear Heaven, are the Forths finally getting therapy? They’re sure to pick the weirdest practitioner in town.
MW: Oh, for crying out loud, shut up and get some food! You did order food, didn’t you?
GT: We’ve seen Mimi be a total bitch to her husband and plot behind his back to divorce him. But she has a different sob story for the outside world. If Gil is well-insured, this could take an ugly turn.
DUSTIN: You’re gonna break every bone in your body, you decrepit old sexist.
Oh, damn it. You know, one of the things I liked about the comics is that, whenever WLW show up, they’re side characters whose relationships aren’t in jeopardy and I don’t have to be gripped with anxiety about how their relationships will go. But Gil Thorp has broken this pattern and I have no idea whether Mimi will find new love or get shoved back into heteronormativity.
Pluggers: To be clear, I live in St. Augustine but I didn’t send in this submission BECAUSE IT NEVER FUCKIN’ SNOWS HERE!
MW: What the happy couple doesn’t see is Wilbur spying on them from behind the floral arrangements.
RMMD: June seems to live life in a state of High Peeve. I like that about her.
BG&SS: Your jury pool is only as deep as your gene pool. REALLY bad news…
It’s called “foreshadowing”, specifically “incredibly clumsy foreshadowing written by authors who can perhaps be forgiven since they have correctly assessed their average reader’s skill at picking up narrative clues.”
MW: Zak believes in an afterlife. And maybe he’ll still love Iris in it.
MW – Having fought each other to a draw on the field of sentimental glurge, Iris and Zak resort to literally butting heads in the manner of rams competing for dominance.
@Hibbleton: #30: Actor Richard Boone lived in St. Augustine for a while and taught drama at the college there. One time Boone was a guest on the Tonight Show and Carson asked him if he was teaching drama there. Boone answered sarcastically, “No, nuclear physics”.
Fun fact: Richard Boone and Pat Boone are very distant cousins and share Daniel Boone as a common ancestor.
@Little John: Yeah, your first mistake is thinking this thing even HAS a plot line—it’s all denouement.
I’m just complaining today.
MW: So when did Iris’s thyroid problem become life threatening? Two weeks ago in the car?
GT: is really becoming unlikable.
GT – “You are lovely, Emily. Can I call you Emily?” “Heh. Thanks. Of course. My name is Frances, but whatever floats your boat.”
MW: “I know we will love each other even beyond! I have met Wilbur, so I know that you already earned your entry into heaven!”
MW: If you’re worried about a higher authority deciding how long this marriage will last, I would be less concerned about God and more about Mary Worth
GT: “I don’t know if my husband finds me attractive anymore! The new writer is still finding his footing and seems uncertain between a divorce storyline and a rekindling old love storyline!”
GT: I don’t know what’s the bigger revelation: That Mimi’s real name is Emily, or that Ericka dated a Wilbur.
RxMD: I’m waiting for ailing customers to start trying to touch June’s cloak as she moves through the aisles.
DT: Shadow Butt!
Luann: Let’s see…. cheerleaders evil…. actors evil…. romantic novelists good. Hmmmm….
That dialogue is better than anything Brooke has written for Pigporn and for 9CL, you got that.
This has better potential that the Lisa Trilogy and Stone Season.
@Guillermo el chiclero: So, what you’re saying is that they were Boone companions…?
MW: Some interpretations of heaven argue that one of the blessing of the saved will be witnessing the damned suffer eternal torments. This doesn’t seem very Christian, but I guess we could ask Francis whether is it fine to watch for all eternity Wilbur stepping on a rake and crying himself to sleep. At least, that’s my idea of heaven!”
GT: “Amelia was so jealous! She always wanted to be right next to me! For example, having sex? She was furious if happened while she was not in the same room as me!”
MW: A hulking tech genius with a desire to keep his wife partially alive forever? Has this all been a backstory setting up Zak as the next Mr. Freeze? Nah, that’s silly. It’s not like we have any evidence that Mary Worth is set in the DC universe, right? Unless…
9CL: Last week when I decided to throw away my dignity by praising this strip, I assumed the joke was that Juliette had described the mechanics of sex to Amos, who then gave Edda a misguided impression via the telephone game that made her think he was describing the hokeypokey (and also that the joke would only be told one time). Since then, it’s been made very abundantly clear that Juliette really did just tell Amos that conception was literally the result of the popular children’s song game. Given that these sheltered idiot children apparently believe Juliette’s absurd joke, they are currently performing what they believe is the act of sexual reproduction out in the snow in front of their religious school. This is excellent retroactive foreshadowing to their future of public lakefucking, as snow is kind of like a premature body of water.
HtH: Haha, what an adorable display of domestic violence! There’s nothing like vicious spousal abuse for a good family-friendly chuckle!
GT: I much prefer the Taster’s Choice commercials with Anthony Head.
Dustin: I’m not quite sure what’s going on in this conversation. Is the instructor just informing Ed about what he really should know if he’s the least interested in pole-vaulting, viz. that people are jumping much higher now than they did thirty-plus years ago? Or is he passive-aggressively telling off the fat old braggart? Is he even out to humiliate and age-shame Ed?
Silly question. This is Dustin; of course he is out to humiliate him.
Next strip Ed humiliates himself by failing his jump in a spectacular fashion and ending up in the emergency room.
Frazz: Yes, Frazz, take to the mountains, get eaten by grizzlies or grabbed by an eagle…
Luann: You know, a lot of the language in romance novels is metaphorical. I don’t even want to guess what the sorceress’s glowing crimson dagger represents.
CS: Oh, that Crankshaft! Boing!
HtH: Everybody knows that Hägar loves his work! He just can’t get enough of pillaging English monasteries, raping nuns and slaughtering hapless monks!
Dustin: I’m surprised the creators of this strip wanted to court political controversy.
FC: Watch out, Billy! The Vashta Nerada are after you!
MW: At least one other person brought up the weird “best man” line, so I’ll just caution Iris that she should die first, otherwise Zak will haunt her for the rest of her days. And it won’t be them doing pottery.
HtH: If the point is that Hägar isn’t running out the door because he’s eager to get to work, but because Helga is mad at him, then why is he smiling in the first panel? The artist should perhaps give just a little thought to internal consistency, that’s all I’m saying.
HtH: Speaking of internal consistency: I know that sloppy anachronism stew is a trademark of this comic, but was there any reason to have the lady in the first panel wear a 1960’s style dress, complete with bullet bra? Couldn’t the artist just have drawn one of those generic mediaeval-style dresses the ladies in this comic usually wear?
@jroggs: 9CL – I also faced the dissonance of finding the first Hokey Pokey joke to be not objectionable. I took it as a “haha she just whispered the lyrics to him and he’s never heard them before so he fell for it!” joke. Then he did the same joke the next day. Then we visit Eliot and find him leaping around the room dancing the Hokey Pokey and at one point doing a swan dive face first onto the carpet to show his enthusiasm. (As far as it is possible to tell what is going on in a Brooke action scene, given that we only see a partial foot and ankle. Pity that there isn’t a visual medium available to the artist that will allow people to understand what he is drawing.)
But this brings us to today, where we go all in on this farce and, as you note, Amos and Edda think they are having sex on the front lawn of the school.
Maybe we will learn that they were never disabused of their misconception (!) and that ever since they have been just dancing the Hokey Pokey until Amos collapses (after about 30 seconds) into a heap with his arm still sticking up and shaking all about.
@Baja Gaijin: Those are all great. Cassandra Cat wins by a slim margin.
CS: So if some kid appears in pajamas or in glitter-covered Christmas clothing, what is Ed going to do about it? Kick them off the bus and let them walk to school? Force them to undress and arrive to school in their underwear? Both of those options are going to be really popular with the school administration and the parents.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Maybe Edda doing the Hokey Pokey while Seth was trying to have sex with her turned him gay temporarily.
Mary Worth – I’m trying to understand why Iris’ necklace has pearls/beads on her left side, but her right side appear to be backward threes, or more accurately, testicles. Is this some ancient fertility sign? A body count?
Gil Thorp – So Mrs. Coach Thorp is on vacation in Arizona and being seduced by her lesbian golf coach, who still works with her jealous ex. All the makings of a true soap opera story.
But I have to figure the writers are signaling their incompatibility by the fact that Coach Erica ordered the soup, while Emily ordered the salad as their opening course.
The golf coach collects the wedding and engagement rings of her conquests and wears them as trophies. I admire that, and it appears that Emily “Mimi” Thorp does as well.
Mary Worth: Jesus taught that we will neither marry nor be given in marriage in the resurrection, but then he never had to contend with a demonic love force like Mary Worth. Overruled, creator of heaven and earth!
MW: “You’re the best man… Yes, surprise, we didn’t get married at all! I’ll be marrying Wilbur after all, and we just need you to hold the rings and give a little speech.”
@gardenornament:
Crankshaft regularly speeds past kids who are at the scheduled stop on time without picking them up. He and his buddies routinely laugh in celebration of Crankshaft getting a “shutout”, ie Crankshaft not picking up ANY of the kids and showing up to school with an empty bus.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I have a foolproof method for finding the best bakeries!”
“The ones with the richest pastries?”
“Yes… but I don’t have to taste anything”
“I just follow the smell of weed!”
@pastordan: *The idea being that marriage is a comfort (and economic alliance) while we are separated from God. The resurrected, who live in the constant presence of God, have no need for it. This has been your theology lesson for the day, but it has not received Mary Worth’s nihil obstat.
@Philip: Mary Worth – I’m trying to understand why Iris’ necklace has pearls/beads on her left side, but her right side appear to be backward threes, or more accurately, testicles. Is this some ancient fertility sign? A body count?
Zak has given Iris a much better pearl necklace than Wilbur ever did.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Not surprised. We have a good theater scene going on down here. Saw John Byner of all people performing in the opera New Years Eve.
@taig: 9CL – Seth was temporarily de-gayed when he accidentally started by sticking his right hand in, and then only shaking it in and out but not all about. This led to the unfortunate marriage to Fernanda. However, she yelled “panty” at him one time too often and it re-gayed him, which is why we never see Fernanda anymore, even though Edda and Amos both live in Seth’s apartment .
@gardenornament:
Hagar might have played a prank on his wife before heading out, or he tried one of LeRoy Lockhorn’s snide comments about Helga’s cooking as a poorly thought out joke.
As for the lady in the 1960s outfit… time traveler? Maybe the other guy is her nerdy cosplaying boyfriend who invented a time machine just to hang out in Medieval Scandinavia? That could explain the anachronisms that seep into the strip.
Mary Worth: It’s actually very clever how the artwork covers up the gears and pistons that drive the animotronic love-spouting Iris and Zak machines.
“Gil, do I have to wear the should pads and helmet? They’re very uncomfortable.”
“I told you, I need this, Mimi!”
@pastordan: Darnit. @Scratchy Scrotum LXIX, maybe our comments should switch places?
WuMo: Why I don’t do traffic reports from a helicopter.
9 Chickweed Lane: Eh…get back to me when they explain ess-ee-ecks using the chicken dance.
@pastordan: Too late. You have already earned the final Special Scrotal Award of the week.
In that vein, however, I think it would be classier – not to mention more believable – if Zak and Iris demonstrated their love by climbing on that table and doing a 69 in front of everyone.
@pastordan:
animotronic love-spouting
Sounds like a too realistic dildo. Very apt for # sixty nine
Wait, was Zak the best man at his own wedding?
Pluggers: Isn’t that the same ancient TV that Rhinoman hocked all those years ago? He recovered it fron the dumpster behind the pawn shop when the owner decided to de-clutter.
Mary Worth: I object to this strip’s insinuation that the cast of Mary Worth will go anywhere except Hell when they die.
Gil Thorp: If this strip had any balls, this would be the beginning of a lesbian milf affair going on behind Gil’s back while he bleats platitudes to his team.
@Ace: It was either him, Tommy, or Wilbur, so yeah, he went with the most reliable option.
@Charterstoned: it’s all denouement
It’s the comic strip that has a denouement every day!
@Hibbleton: Sort of a cross between Futurama’s suicide booths and death by snu-snu? I like it.
@Philip: “Hagar might have played a prank on his wife before heading out, or he tried one of LeRoy Lockhorn’s snide comments about Helga’s cooking as a poorly thought out joke.”
That’s a reasonable explanation, except that wouldn’t Hägar’s smile in panel 1 be more of a smug smirk than a genuinely happy smile? Or am I permanently damaged from reading too much Funky Winkerbean?
“As for the lady in the 1960s outfit… time traveler?”
That would actually explain a lot in this comic.
@ectojazzmage: “Gil Thorp: If this strip had any balls, this would be the beginning of a lesbian milf affair going on behind Gil’s back while he bleats platitudes to his team.”
With the new writer, the strip has acquired quite a big pair. I’ll actually be disappointed if Mimi doesn’t turn out to be at least a little bit bi-curious.
@Little Guy: GT: “Ericka dated a Wilbur”
A female Wilbur, even. Perhaps Ericka’s ex is what Dawn will be like in ten years?
BG&SS: It really is National Blame Somebody Else Day. But why wasn’t Dagwood there in Blondie to inform us of National Peach Melba Day? To heck with them both, I’m still blaming the Habsburgs, and I’m sticking with them.
Luann: “…his heart swelling, suddenly aware of his terrible error, Jacques turned, but the sorceress was already striding away, her ample but firm buttocks jouncing, bouncing, jauntily in the morning light…”
The critics rave:
“This D. Coverly is a fine winter read.” – Albert Camus.
“I could not put down Peek of Passion.” – Grant Stockbridge, Jr.
MW: It’s become clear that Moy’s mission is to try to normalize this conversation as a way actual humans speak. Once she’s achieved this, the pod people invasion can start in force.
“It’s been such a great wedding, Iris. But do you think we ordered too many flowers?”
“What? I didn’t order any flowers. But there are a lot of flowers here, aren’t there?”
“Where are they coming from? My god, so many flowers! The room is filling with petals and pollen! What’s happening, Zak?”
Meanwhile, Wilbur watches, his fingers tented, and mad gleam in his eye and mad smile on his lips, as his prayers to Chloris, Greek goddess of flowers, finally pay off. “If I can’t have you, Iris, then you can drown in flowers!” He began to cackle, then to cough, and suddenly remembered his severe allergies.
@85 Nehemiah Scudder:
It’s also National Gluten Free Day.
FREE THE GLUTEN! FREE THE GLUTEN!
@Joe Momma:
This doesn’t sound like a religious quote, it sounds like a “Dad Joke” honestly.
And no, please no-one link scriptures to confirm it, I don’t care.
@Ettorre:
Well, there is that old Simpsons joke where Marge invited Homer’s old army drill sergeant, an IRS agent and the local Reverend over for dinner. (Which ends up completely ruined and everyone is angry)
Sergeant (while leaving): Simpson! See you at 1600 tomorrow!
IRS Agent: I’ll see you at the IRS!
Reverend: I’ll see you in Hell!! (slams door as he leaves)
(reopens the door)
“…from heaven.”
@Voshkod:
If Wilbur ever sold his soul to the devil I am sure it would be be regifted (often times with malicious intent) between the various deities and demons who find it a curse and a burden.
GT: I’d be more on board with this “tawdry lesbian pulp novel” turn if I weren’t convinced it would disappear down the rabbit hole of plots along with transgender Tobias’ athletics career, Kari’s school shooting-related trauma, the epidemic of student opiod deaths….
MW: That is an absurdly small head table, possibly because Zak and Iris knew that if it could seat more than two people Mary would have demanded a seat.
@Midtown:
No, this is a more modern TV set, one that appears to have cable instead of relying on rabbit ears. It is still a CRT TV incapable of HD broadcasts, probably bought on clearance at the pawn shop with the COVID stimulus check. Good to see Rhino Man is doing a little better financially
@Philip: “Hey, Abbadon, you want a soul? It’s free, man.”
“Well, sure, Azazel, free soul is free soul . . . wait a minute. Which soul?”
“It’s . . . mumble mumble.”
“Didn’t quite catch that, bro.”
“Wilbur Weston, OK? Yeah, I traded him a gift for his soul.”
“Dude! Wilbur Weston? No, man, you can keep him. Or like, maybe the Wood of Suicides’ll take him? I don’t want his soul mayo-ing up Sheol. The Nephilim would revolt!”
Zits – Longtime beloved fixture of the series destroyed after being run over by a semi . Still more mourned than any Funky death
9CL: In the play (and subsequent musical) Spring Awakening, a teenage girl is given vague information about the mechanics of conception by her overprotective mother. Later, she has (questionably consentual) sex with a slightly more knowledgeable boy, gets pregnant without realizing that was a possibility, and dies of a botched abortion forced on her by the same parent who left her so unprepared for the world. It’s a grim look at how keeping growing adolescents in repression and ignorance will not sheild them from either the ways of the world or their own developing bodies, and is an absolute laugh riot compared to whatever the Hell Brooke has been doing this week.
Dustin: Dustdad strikes me as exactly the sort of person who would feel his masculinity threatened by being athletically outdone by a fourteen-year-old girl, and I approve of his humiliation here.
JP: “Dammit, at this rate we’ll NEVER get around to taking down the Christmas decorations!”
Luann: Figures that after a week of “enjoying steamy romance novels is fine, actually!” the actual sample of the work in question reads exactly like a “romance novels are badly-written trash” joke.
RMMD: If this is about how June finally cracks under the pressure of doing all the household labor in addition to bein a full-time nurse and carrying the emotional and mental load of keeping up the relationships that Rex is too indifferent to bother with, I will take back the bad things I said about the arc. At least until it fizzles out into nothing like every other Rex Morgan story.
@Voshkod: Now you have me wondering what Wilbur would have traded his soul for. I’m guessing it was a bottle of Jonnie Walker Black and a pork spareribs platter.
Mary Worth–This kind of oneupmanship is unhealthy in a marriage.
@Hibbleton: #66: That guy’s still alive? He must be ancient. Here’s a John Byner fun fact: He was originally cast to play Mork from Ork in that Happy Days episode but backed out a few days before shooting began because he considered the part too ridiculous, even for him. Robin Williams was brought in as a last minute replacement. Damn you, Byner! If you had just swallowed your pride and taken the role we’d of been spared Mork and Mindy.
MW: “People may look at us and wonder what are we doing getting married…”
I look at this strip and wonder why I’m still reading it… :-p
@Malaclypse: #3
…and she quickly learns that she is one of several sister wives who will be sealed in marriage to Zak for eternity…
GT: You know what they say, Mimi. “What happens is Scottsdale, stays in Scottsdale.”
JP: Don’t worry, Sam. Yelich is definitely in no position to drive but he came in with Gloria, who already left in a huff. Remember? We do. The worse that can happen is he’ll stumble into a ditch and die of exposure.
love is... choke holds in the rain.
@Charterstoned: #17
“Also, is that a floral horseshoe on the wall?”
If it is, it’s a subtle reminder to Zak of who *really* financed his tech business and paid for his elaborate wedding…Big Luigi and da boyz from Sicily…
MW: Zak and Iris’ wedding ceremony and reception seem to have been dragging on for longer than their courtship. God, we still have to get through the speeches.
@Anonymous: #23
“Mary Worth : “I wish for happiness for however long God gives us to live on this Earth”!? Sheesh, Iris, you’re just in your 50s, it’s not like you’re a terminal cancer patient with only 6 months left to live, what’s with this “I could drop dead right after the ceremony” stuff?”
If that isn’t foreshadowing, I don’t know what is…
@Ken: #33
You said it (“foreshadowing”) first – my apologies!! But I think we can all agree that Moy is anything but subtle…
@Joe Momma: @The Rambling Otter: I’m pretty sure that goes “in heaven there is no beer”. It’s an old Wisconsin folk song or spiritual.
@Charterstoned: Wait until they get to the traditional “praising of the dogs”.
MW – I’m guessing there’s some sort of blue flame immersion in a MW wedding – a little reminder that Meddling Mary is She Who Must Be Obeyed…
GT – Splak comes in vanilla – who knew…..
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Daisy: If Mary Worth had any balls and was a real soap opera strip, Iris would get murdered on her honeymoon. The suspects? Wilbur, of course – means, motive, and mayo at the scene. Zak, natch. The look-a-like Nanny, obviously, because she’s vanished. Mary Worth herself? Sure. Weeks of investigation by Ian and Toby (after the police simply arrest Wilbur on the grounds of ‘no one’s really going to object’ finally uncover the shocking truth – the dead woman is actually the Nanny, it’s Iris who is on the run, funded by her son’s drug profits. But is Iris guilty, or is she fleeing the killer who has just realized his mistake . . .. .
@Ramblin’ Nehemiah Scudder: This is correct.
JP: “No worries, Sam. He left on Neddy’s old pogo-stick.”
Mutt & Jeff: Check this out! The historic last episode of M&J. They went out with a bang! Jeff tried to carry on for a while with the Sunday panel, “…and Jeff”, but it didn’t have the same chemistry.
// Jeff eventually left the comic business, and began writing soft-porn romance novels under the pseudonym D. Coverly.
@Ramblin’ Nehemiah Scudder:
No beer in Heaven?
That’s it, I’m converting to the Norse Gods… Valhalla would definitely have beer.
@Philip:
Well, there was an episode of Spongebob where Krabs sold his soul to The Flying Dutchman.
When The Flying Dutchman came to claim his soul, he was told to “get in line” as there were already countless other demons that Krabs already sold his soul to. (And his employee Spongebob, whom he sold his soul to, to avoid paying him one evening.)
Dumbing of Age: The latest hip campus trend in America — being autistic.
It’s ginchy!
@Ramblin’ Nehemiah Scudder:
Also, Heaven being “eternal paradise” for Heaven to NOT have booze and sex. Makes little sense.
Almost seems like the concept of Heaven is a massive self-contradictory plothole.
@The Rambling Otter: “That’s it, I’m converting to the Norse Gods… Valhalla would definitely have beer.”
I’m afraid you may be disappointed. While the Vikings knew how to make beer, and imported wine from continental Europe, their preferred drink, especially in religious contexts, was mead. Valhalla would of course only serve the best of the best, so there’s a risk it would be mead every day until Ragnarök.
Phantom: “I said, ‘there’s a hot half-naked native babe about to shoot an arrow at you. You might want to duck.’ Ooooops, shouldn’t have mumbled, I guess.”
6Chx: Patrinos is going to spend the weekend fucking.
@Guillermo el chiclero:JP: Don’t worry, Sam. Yelich is definitely in no position to drive but he came in with Gloria, who already left in a huff. Remember? We do. The worse that can happen is he’ll stumble into a ditch and die of exposure. Gloria left in a Huff? It looked more like a Corolla to me.
@Anonymous, Luann: Yeah, knowing the Evansii, I should know better and place a bet on who is ghosting all these romance novels, since it’s someone that the Evansii totally love, or at least don’t hate with a white-hot obsession (so, that rules out Tiffany and Toni’s brother).
GT: As Mimi eats salad, the golf coach enjoys a large cup of something ethnic.
Luann: Bernice is the type that, if allowed an expression of sexuality, would masturbate to “Eye of Argon”.
Mary Worth–For richer and for poorer, for better and for Worth.
@Baja Gaijin: They’re great! The one with the beached Wilbur seems to be most appropriate.
@Hibbleton: It looks like he’s watching the Weather Channel, which goes all out on winter storms all over the country. When the five minute block of commercials starts, he can get up to get something out of the refrigerator. That’s assuming he didn’t pawn it.
@gardenornament: Weirdly swiped that schtick from the old Justice League animated series. In the “Legion of Doom” episodes there was a guy who was a snake, a girl who was a wildcat, Lex Luthor in a fatsuit, two big strong guys, a girl who was Green Lantern except red, and a tall skinny guy who had a stick that could make it dark.
The skinny guy seemed really outclassed to me, especially during battles when the first League member who ran into him just took his stick away and broke it in two.
Zak and Iris will die and be reincarnated as salmon, their last appearance in the comic a close up of their eyes as Mary brings down the cleaver. Zak will see Mary’s Ronco Fish Boner™and his final thought is “Hey, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.” Just as Wilburp starts playing “Circle of Life” on the piano.
Gil Thorp: “You are lovely, Emily. And by lovely, I mean bow-chick-a-wow-wow lovely.”
Rex Morgan – First, June dealt with two actual medical issues. Now it’s the return of a beloved character. Beatty is on a roll.
Rhymes With Orange – A question for Baja: where do jesters fall on the clown spectrum? Are they QLUNK inducing, or does that apply only to circus type clowns?
PBS – I love how the bingo card includes “cyclist.”
FC – I’m guessing that Jeffy got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, which is really good for a three year old. Good luck getting out of those pajamas, which apparently have a zipper in the back. In the morning Thel will find soggy pajamas with a ripped zipper in a puddle of pee in front of the toilet, setting a record for how early she starts in on the vodka.
@Ukulele Ike: “Weirdly swiped that schtick from the old Justice League animated series.”
Or from any of a number of fantasy stories where wizards can cast spells of darkness. His original contribution may have been putting the whole thing in a lightbulb – sorry, darkbulb.
And of course Weirdly will swipe other people’s ideas. He is a nihilistic supervillain, after all. Why should he respect intellectual property when he doesn’t respect anything else?
Mary Worth: Of all the bridal speeches I’ve heard, “People think we’re a ridiculous couple, but it doesn’t matter because I’m probably going to die soon!” really isn’t the best. Although it’s not the worst, either. I have a good feeling about these crazy kids!
@Baja Gaijin: For gratuitous T&A, it’s obviously #2. I hope this isn’t the reason Dustin Dad suddenly decided to get into shape.
(How long did it take you to search through your bulging Cassandra Cat folder for the perfect pose?)
FC: “Hey! Who turned the dark on me?” It’s funny because Jeffy usually only says that when he closes his eyes.
I, for one, can’t wait for the spinoff strip Iris Beedie, Billionairess. Not least because it means Zak is dead.
@Garrison Skunk:
“Piscine marital aids for 800, Mayim!”
love is… knowing she’s naked under that raincoat, and ready to flash at a moment’s notice.
Garfield: This strip has been running for almost as long as I’ve been alive, and has pretty much only had half a dozen characters for as long as I can remember. I simply don’t believe that this is the first time Davis has thought “Say, I wonder what would happen if Arlene met Pooky?”
JP: There is nothing funnier in today’s comics than Abby’s cod-psychology sending Sam into a state of absolute panic. Being shot at (for still unclear reasons) is one thing, but the slightest hint of self-examination? “My life isn’t a hollow sham that I’ve filled with material goods and danger in order to plug the endless void where my personality should be! It’s not, it’s not, it’s not!”
MT: Look, I realise the whole point of the past week has been to get us to “Mark crashes the boat”, but I think that if Rusty and his friends had actually been on the look out for bassigators, they’d have probably noticed the alligators as well. I know the human eye-brain interface is a complex system that ignores a surprising amount of stuff it deems irrelevent, but I don’t think that includes alligators, especially when what it is keyed towards is an alligator-like creature.
Pluggers: Pluggers remember when a thing was different from how it is now, and are automatically angry about it changing!
@Little Guy The Trufans are betting on Mr. Fogerty. I haven’t visited the comments yet today, but my bet is they think it’s Tara Starrrrr now.
MW: has KM ever attended a real life wedding?
Luann: Cleanup on aisle 5!
@brendancalling: I’m betting on Mr. Fogerty, too. Nancy said that the D. Coverly books were “full of history,” and Mr. Fogerty was a history teacher. He retired from teaching at the same time that Luann and her friends graduated from high school, so we haven’t seen him in a while and he could have taken up a new career.
@Joshua K.: LUANN – No, it is the now “Mrs.” Fogarty, the little minx with the big nose for gettin it aaaaaawn!!!
MW: with all this talk about death I’m pretty sure the wedding will outlast Zak and Iris.
FC: Now, now, Jeffy. It’s better to light a little candle than to curse this GOD DAMN FUCKING DARKNESS!!
CS: I could nitpick and say Crankshaft’s bus isn’t street legal to pick up schoolchildren (missing the rear view mirrors by the entry door and the twin crossover mirrors) but I won’t. Kind of reminds me when Jimmy Carter kept saying he wouldn’t bring up Ford’s pardon of Nixon but by saying that he brought it up.
GT: Yeah, yeah, obviously the moment at least some Thorp fans have been waiting for for years, but I can’t help be distracted by Mimi’s lunch. Dry kale washed down with a vanilla milkshake? Just when you think you’ve seen every weird diet out there.
MW: If this Wilbur character we saw yesterday is anywhere near representative of the males in Iris’s orbit then yes, I believe Zak is the best man she knows.
Phantom: Who could have predicted that Col. EZ Pickens’ days as a prison commandant would end in such a way?
RMMD: June has to get home in time to feed her family because one time she left it to Rex and, well, let’s just say the Morgans don’t live in that house anymore.
6C: We’ve all had one of those days where either a comet or a giant flaming sperm have taken aim at our empty bed, am I right?
SFx: Fridays are all about pizza dates with your slutty boyfriend.
9CL I think with a week-and-a-half of hokey pokey jokes, Brooke isn’t going to bring home a Reuben this year. Hopefully, it all ends with tomorrows strip set in the present with the twin Hellspawn wondering why their parents uncontroablly convulse whenever they sing the Hokey Pokey.
Would you watch a television show like this?
MT: I was going to keep these thoughts to myself and not be petty. But hey, I gotta be me.
I just checked the internets and confirmed that alligators prefer slow waters or waters that don’t move at all. Marshes, lakes, lazy rivers, that’s what alligators like.
I can understand what I assume is Jules’ view that it is much more fun to portray alligators who are crazy about the excitement to be had by threatening boats that are navigating fast foamy rapids. But her alligators are kinda weird.
@Sequitur: *Thinks carefully, trying to be honest and accurate and remembering certain shows she has watched in the past*
No.
@152 Poteet:
I agree.
@Sequitur: Errr, let me think… no!
And thanks for the reference. I think.
@131 I speak Jive: on Jesters: Hm. I hadn’t thought about it. Do jesters wear scary facepaint?
@134 Flipper: Took about 2 seconds. File System Search to the rescue!
MW: Note that in panel 2 Iris has removed her dentures. Pretty smart of her to wait until their marriage is official.
@154 gardenornament:
It does not mean you’re a pantless rhinodude. It means nothing but a shout out to my fellow mudgeons. So, hi!
@Baja Gaijin: I don’t think they wear face paint, just those strange hats.
I’ve read that the court jester (fool) could pretty much speak truth to the monarch through their jokes. Clowns don’t seem to have that kind of purpose.
I’m not afraid of clowns, but I don’t “get” them.
MW: I am truly genuinely hoping that Iris and Zak will have a long happy marriage, even though the past several days of watching them swoon over each other have tried my patience. But I have a bad feeling that their incandescent happiness, okay their deeply boring happiness, may be doomed, in the spirit of Foreboding. So if the worst happens, I want dibs on a drunk driver being the cause. Thank you.
@The Lusty New Nehemiah Scudder: I want to know why Mutt has his finger in one ear. Maybe he’s trying to protect the hearing in that ear just in case he misses?
@160 Peanut Gallery:
I think he must have gotten a gnat in his ear and is attempting to extract it. It’s really annoying when you’re trying to shoot yourself to have a gnat buzzing in your ear.
@Sequitur: The gnat is telling him, “Don’t try it, Mutt! You’re a lousy shot!”
@162 Peanut Gblallery:
Gnat self preservation. You’re right. Mutt would probably miss his brain and hit the gnat.
But the buzzing would stop.
We’re watching TV coverage of the border collie trials at the PA Farm Show – it’s fascinating.
Dogs are good!
@The Rambling Otter: If not beer, we will surely mead in Valhalla, Otter.
@Peanut Gallery: No, he’s afraid the loud noise will throw off his aim.
// I’m pretty sure this is an old vaudeville gag – I’ve seen it other places, I think. Looney Tunes? Stooges?
@Sequitur: “It does not mean you’re a pantless rhinodude.”
Well, it doesn’t mean gardenornament is NOT a pantless rhinodude, either. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
// In a deeper sense, brethren and sistrens, are we not ALL of us pantless rhinodudes and dudettes, Cthulhu preserve us!
@Nehemiah Scudder: 166
“Don’t laugh Jeff, you’re next.”
@I speak Jive: I’ve spent afternoons at Iowa State Fair stock dog trials. They are touching, the dogs are so determined even in hot August weather.