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Judge Parker, 3/28/23

Look, we’ve had a lot of dragged-out and sometimes baffling emotional processing between these two over the past few years, and I for one am not ready for them to sheepishly admit that they probably should never have broken up in the first place. I am grudgingly prepared to allow for an eventual reconciliation so long as Abbey’s “find[ing] out what [she] want[s]” involves a voyage of sexual exploration across the great state of whatever state Cavelton is in that lasts at least through the summer.

Daddy Daze, 3/28/23

I was about to say that the Daddy Daze baby has finally figured out the central joke of the Daddy Daze comic strip, which is that the Daddy Daze daddy “repeats” everything the Daddy Daze baby “says” so that we at home can understand it, but of course the baby hasn’t figured anything out at all; he’s an infant and all his various “ba”s really are just pre-verbal babbling. No, what actually happened is that the Daddy Daze daddy has decided to get increasingly meta with his bit, which really is a product of his desperately lonely and increasingly unhinged mind. The baby can’t understand you, man! And you can’t understand him either! You’re talking to nobody!

Beetle Bailey, 3/28/23

Beetle Bailey has been slowly adding more rounded characterization to Zero of all people over the past few years: we’ve learned that in addition to being very stupid, he’s a farm boy and also a terrifyingly accurate killer. He’s also a teetotaler, I guess? Adding this information to the file [I open an enormous file cabinet next to my desk and pull out a folder labeled BEETLE BAILEY CHARACTERS M-Z]