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The Phantom, 9/11/26

Happy Friday, everybody! I was going to explain the backstory to today’s Phantom to those who haven’t been reading along, but, you know what? Snakes, aliens, devil-Phantoms, screaming, flames … this right here is art and it doesn’t need any explanation. Just let it wash over you! Let loose with an enthusiastic “YAAAAHHHH!!!” while you’re at it. The weekend is almost here!

Marvin, 9/11/26

Marvin’s grandmother lives with her husband in an apartment building for which she has to write the newsletter because the Great Financial Crisis wiped out all their retirement savings, which forced them to briefly move in with Marvin’s parents (an episode for which their son-in-law has never forgiven them) before eventually settling into their current digs. Sometimes I feel like I must be one of the only people on earth walking around with this amount of Marvin lore in their heads, but I’m pleased to learn that the strip’s current creative team at least remembers that they’re too poor to live in one of the nicer apartment buildings that gets first dibs on the bingo guy.

Mary Worth, 9/11/26

Damn, Nelly must be a true master of the gossiping arts. How else can you explain the fact that Alma has gone in mere minutes from “So what?” to “Wow, that Worth lady always seems so proper, but if you say she and Prof. Cameron were engaged in full penetration intercourse right there in her car in the Charterstone parking lot, I have no choice but to believe you! I guess you can never really tell about a person!”

Daddy Daze, 9/11/26

Men will literally project a truly awful death-related pun onto the nonsense “ba” syllables their children produce rather than going to therapy so they can deal with their grief at losing a parent. It’s sad!

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Dennis the Menace, 8/27/26

As my readers well know, part of Dennis’s whole deal is that he hates his mother’s cooking and will insult it at any opportunity. Today, though, he ruefully admits that, even though his mother is bad at cooking, he doesn’t know anyone who’s better at it. Presumably he knows what good food tastes like as a result of his parents’ occasional attempts to bring him to fancy restaurants, but he doesn’t know any other cooks personally because his parents’ occasional attempts to make friends end in disaster when Dennis repeats their catty insults, so they never get invited over to anyone else’s house for dinner.

Daddy Daze, 8/27/26

Uh oh! The Daddy Daze family’s car is being fixed, but the garage won’t take credit cards, and the Daddy Daze daddy doesn’t have enough cash. What is he going to do? Follow the Daddy Daze baby’s suggestion, and … steal money from a carnival bathroom, I think?

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Beetle Bailey, 8/21/26

Big news, everyone! The men of Camp Swampy have finally decided to murder Sarge!

Daddy Daze, 8/21/26

Big news, everyone! The Daddy Daze daddy and the Daddy Daze baby are going to die in some kind of fiery car disaster!

Dennis the Menace, 8/21/26

Lots of strips have managed to shift focus over the years, even minimizing their title character: Blondie is really more about Dagwood now, Funky Winkerbean became a second banana in his own strip to Les Moore of all people, and Barney Google famously became Barney Google and Snuffy Smith and then Barney Google vanished from it for a good chunk of the 20th century. And sure, the remaining comics all have decades more of nostalgia built into them now and are less malleable in the public mind, but Dennis the Menace definitely seems to be making a bid to be about unpleasant interactions between Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, like it’s a Lockhorns for seniors, or an edgier Pickles. Sure, for the time being, they have to have Dennis frolicking somewhere in the panel, but soon, well, here’s the big news, everyone: get ready for Hank Ketcham’s Legal Heirs Present: The Wilsons! Featuring Dennis “The Menace” Mitchell.