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Mary Worth, 8/4/23

Greta and … Max? What about Greta’s prison love, Holly? Man, if you had told me that Mary Worth’s grimdark tale of dogs being held hostage in hellish conditions to satisfy sadistic whims would in ony a few weeks resolve itself into “Ho ho, is it a doggie love triangle?” I … well, I wouldn’t have been that surprised, actually.

Judge Parker, 8/4/23

Good news, everyone! That little kidnapped girl has been reunited with her family some fairly menacing guy who she seems to like and I guess works for her wealthy father. Anyway, it’s a real shame that Sam and Abbey are going to spend a good chunk of what was supposed to be their sex vacation trying to find and give money to a bear.

Gil Thorp, 8/4/23

I’ve been betting on these poor boys. Big money, too! That’s legal, right?” [Coach Kaz whispers in his ear] “Uh, no further comment, this press conference is OVER, get those cameras OUT OF HERE”