Mary Worth, 9/15/23
Ahh, it’s Friday, so that means that this eternal plot has got to be wrapping up and we’ll finally be moving on to someth– oh no. Oh no. Sources inform me that Mary Worth will now be doing a storyline where Saul introduces Eve to the world of “online,” much like the 2011 story where Wilbur showed Mary how to use Twitter, except that 2023 internet is much darker than 2011 internet so we need to set our expectations accordingly. The best case scenario, given Saul’s seemingly out-of-context emphasis on Eve’s physical beauty, is that he has plans to turn her into a social media influencer, posting tasteful content across platforms aimed at statuesque senior women looking for fashion and beauty tips, and also appealing those of all genders and ages who find such women attractive. Worst case scenario? Well, let’s just say that the person who was driven by the Pizzagate conspiracy theory to bring a gun into Comet Ping Pong in 2016 had only gotten home internet a few weeks before, so imagine what going from zero to extremely online could do to Eve’s delicate psyche!
The Lockhorns, 9/15/23
I guess the joke is that Loretta’s mother is calling Leroy fat, but I prefer to interpret this as meaning that she either has finally accepted the couple’s S&M relationship or that she’s encouraging Leroy to hang himself.