Enter the CYBER-SENIOR
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Mary Worth, 9/15/23
Ahh, it’s Friday, so that means that this eternal plot has got to be wrapping up and we’ll finally be moving on to someth– oh no. Oh no. Sources inform me that Mary Worth will now be doing a storyline where Saul introduces Eve to the world of “online,” much like the 2011 story where Wilbur showed Mary how to use Twitter, except that 2023 internet is much darker than 2011 internet so we need to set our expectations accordingly. The best case scenario, given Saul’s seemingly out-of-context emphasis on Eve’s physical beauty, is that he has plans to turn her into a social media influencer, posting tasteful content across platforms aimed at statuesque senior women looking for fashion and beauty tips, and also appealing those of all genders and ages who find such women attractive. Worst case scenario? Well, let’s just say that the person who was driven by the Pizzagate conspiracy theory to bring a gun into Comet Ping Pong in 2016 had only gotten home internet a few weeks before, so imagine what going from zero to extremely online could do to Eve’s delicate psyche!
The Lockhorns, 9/15/23
I guess the joke is that Loretta’s mother is calling Leroy fat, but I prefer to interpret this as meaning that she either has finally accepted the couple’s S&M relationship or that she’s encouraging Leroy to hang himself.
153 replies to “Enter the CYBER-SENIOR”
Today I casually skipped to Mary’s Worth’s second panel and read it totally without context. I…I don’t like where this is going.
MW-“Just don’t look at my Internet history and don’t open the folder that says ‘Female Dogs in Bowties’.”
RMMD-It’s already a long story.
FC-Special guest appearance: Pig from ‘Pearls Before Swine’.
Blondie-They already put Christmas decorations in with Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations so why not gifts.
Luann-You already do live in a serial killer shack.
Family Circus: I totally laughed. It’s comedically perfect: Jeffy spouting some inanity, Dolly giving him her heavy-lidded “What a dumbass” look, and the ham sitting there silently judging both of them.
MW: “…So can a beautiful young bitch like you!” Unmixed your idiom, Saulie. You’re welcome.
Now I don’t want to stereotype but Saul is about to show Eve how to bury your computer with viruses by indiscriminately searching for porn online to spice up their already dull love life. And also by clicking every email offering deals on boner pills. Saul’s computer is probably 80% virus now is my guess.
MW: First of all, that looks like a diaper changing table, so ewwww. Second of all, where is the dog to punctuate Saul’s line with a “Woof?!?”
Lockhorrors: It’s that combination belt/necktie I’ve heard so much about!
“Leroy & Loretta’s Anniversary Week” is a series we’ll be looking back fondly on for years to come. It’s the Lockhorns’ equivalent of the Aldo Kelrast story arc.
Frazz: I dunno. When it’s 10 degrees Fahrenheit and there’s ice hanging from the trees, I can definitely say I’m out of summer mode.
Luann: Dammit, Les! Grunter’s life was mournfully masturbating to Instagram posts of Bets in cosplay outfits! What’s he going to do now?!?
CS: What fresh hell is this?!?
MW: At first I was going to write something snarky about Saul calling Eve beautiful and young, but then I realized that he was comparing her to himself, and, yes, relatively speaking he’s telling the absolute truth.
MW: That multifunctional cocktail cart makes a great computer desk. With this new arrangement, Saulie and Eve can now explore the interweb while simultaneously getting plastered. What could go wrong?
@taig: “Dammit, Les! Grunter’s life was mournfully masturbating to Instagram posts of Bets in cosplay outfits! What’s he going to do now?!?”
I dunno – maybe go to OnlyFans to watch videos of cosplaying women doing far more advanced stuff than Bets?
9CL: Did I accidentally ingest shrooms? What is happening today?
@gardenornament: That’s way too spicy for Gunnie. Also, what would happen if Irma were to walk in while he was looking at that filth?
MW: “You know how we’re saving up for a honeymoon? Well there’s this thing called OnlyFans…”
LHs: I like how the box it came in doesn’t look like its giftwrapped, but more like its warning that it is carrying dangerous contents. So maybe the joke is actually ‘polonium’.
MW Oddly, this week’s Arlo and Janis has also been about people of a certain age dealing with their possessions. Predictably, Arlo and Janis has been both amusing and poignant, and Mary Worth has been, well, this.
Zits: The Instagram posts of Bets in cosplay will be there in the morning, Jeremy.
FC: Thel knows she’s got quite the dilemma. Answer “no” and there will be so many more stupid followup questions. Answer “yes” and Jeffy will be hammering tacks into his body within the next couple of days. Maybe if she doesn’t answer, Jeffy will forget and return to jamming all of his fingers up his nose.
I love love love that Saul’s computer desk is a little dinner trolley with handles. “Hmm, methinks I shall partake of some internet. Garçon, the laptop, if you please. And a smartphone for the lady.”
MW: Saul, realizing that he and Eve are living on fixed incomes, decides to get Eve into OnlyFans as a way to earn some more scratch. Look how he’s buttering her up there!
So, Arther Zerro will scam Eve, and Saul is going to sic Greta and Max on him.
I hope against hope.
Just wait till Eve discovers how to open Saul’s browser history. Oof. I mean, WOOF!
MW: Saul: “And since the computer desk is all that I have…it’s yours.
Phantom: Phantom: “Um…Sarvana? That’s not the saddle horn….”
JP: Sam’s HOA takes cleaning up after your dog very very seriously.
RMMD: Truck: “Orrrr…” [takes out deck of Uno cards] “the time could just fly by…”
L’horns: Loretta’s face is the very picture of resignation. She’s not even going to attempt a snarky comeback. “My mother actually had a 10-foot long belt custom-made, and went to the expense of shipping it here, all for a one-off gag,” Loretta’s thinking. “As dysfunctional as Leroy and I may be, my mother is stone-cold NUTS.”
Phantom: The look in Savarna’s eyes and the way she’s clinging to the Ghost say it all: all that death and destruction has made her horny, and she’s not going to let the presence of a few Bandar warriors stop her. It’s a good thing Guran has drugged Diana senseless, or this would have turned ugly.
Crankshaft-Don’t come a knockin if the school bus is a rockin.
Lockhorns-Looks like the noose came undone.
CS: So it looks like grandma here is going to seduce Crankshaft in order to get her granddaughter a ride to school. I didn’t think even a Batiuk character would stoop quite so low.
MW-Saul is hoping that what is Eve’s is also his. He’s been eyeing some of her lacy outfits and hopes to sashay around town in them.
MW:
“What’s mine is now yours, dear.”
“Actually, Saul, in California, no. Property that each of us owned prior to the marriage continues to belong to us individually.”
Mary Worth – I wonder if this storyline is an attempt to get a significant chunk of the Mary Worth readership to finally switch to reading the comic online, before the last of the newspapers go under.
The Lockhorns – Judging from the wrapping paper Loretta’s mother had this gift since Christmas, but decided to hang on to that insult until their anniversary
Is “Giantess” a popular category on OnlyFans like it is on PornHub? Uh, I mean…so I’ve heard. From a friend.
MW- “I’m open to learning new things”.
“Oh wow, you’re going to love this site then. How limber are you?”
MW: Whoa whoa whoa, a computer desk? Take it easy there, Kevin Poulsen, not everyone is some big online person who needs dedicated furniture for their mainframe-hacking Macbook Airs. Then again, Eve is open to learning new things from Saul about the ineffable depths of the world wide web, though that’s probably not going to amount to much more than buying yellow bowties in bulk for delivery and posting hundreds of dog pics everyday on whatever they’re calling Facebook this week.
JP: Last we knew, April’s mom was #1 on the CIA’s target list. So I don’t know where this plan to get spotted by government surveillance teams is coming from, but most likely? It’s going to be really, really dumb.
Luann: “Delete?” Delete what? Does Greg mean “uninstall” or “unsubscribe” or “unfollow?” What would Les be deleting other than Bets’ contact info, which would be very unhelpful and do nothing about the notifications Gunther is receiving every few seconds? Not that it matters, since it sounds like Gunther is about to grab a kitchen knife and hit backspace on Les’s entire existence.
Crankshaft: Get help, Brooke.
@jroggs: “…much more than buying yellow bowties….”
Since they became a family, Saul, Greta, Eve, and Max have switched things up and now they wear only blue neck fashions.
Lockhorns: Inscribed on the gift, “This is Our Get Along Belt.”
MW – Gullible as she is, even Eve will balk when Saul introduces her to the new on-line forum Twatter.
I shudder to think what Saul does on that computer…
His self-insertion sexy escapades of him and a 7ft bipedal Greta should be not seen and burned.
Crankshart – What is the pictogram on a warning sign for a flashing cooter at a bus stop?
MW – PLEASE let the next MW rabbit hole be cyberporn addiction….
Schlockhorns – Mother says you’ve got a little dick, too….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: Next week: Eve starts exploring the Net, opens an OnlyFans account and discovers how many young men are into older women.
MW: Hey, where’s the Pet versions of the neckwear merch? I thought we had a DEAL, ladies!!
Lockhorns: This is the natural consequence of Leroy saying “I need a big belt.” every time Loretta’s mother came over.
@nescio: I expect to see that one when Josh does COTW later
The internet may have gotten a lot darker since 2011, but Mary Worth has gone the opposite direction. Still think they should have killed Wilbur, though.
Whoever compared Gil Thorp yesterday to one of those electrical 1950s football games must have witnessed a prophecy of today’s strip.
Phantom: Hold on, did Kit bone Savarna while he was under the veterinarian’s horse tranquilizer last year?
@Schroduck: And here I was imagining Saul wheeling it over to the bed late at night as he re-watches Attack of the 50-Foot Woman. Again.
MW – Toby will be over later to show Estelle how to
avoidfall for phishing scams.Saul already dresses his dog like a person and treats her like one. We all know that he’s just one step to google the fateful words that are going to change his life “What’s a furry?”
The Lockhorns: Encouraging Leroy to off himself is well-meaning.
MW– That’s one small hop into marriage and one enormoushop.com into the dark web.
MW: Oh God, when will this glurge end? I’m actually welcoming a Wilbur story.
RMMD:
Buzzy: You know, we do have the ingredients for a three-way sausage fest, if you get my drift.
MW: Fun fact, Bill Gates is almost seventy now. I say this only to point out that both Eve and Saul are of the proper age to be reasonably internet savvy at this point, but you know Moy is going to go with Eve being a naive little waif, because reasons.
Hot older women with kerchiefs
Dachshund bowties
Is Mary Worth spying on me
Bowties for dachshunds
What is “salmon loaf”
Green Bay Packers score
New things for seniors
How to deal with an addled writer
Ask Jeeves
@Old School Allie Cat: That would be enormoushop.onion.
If this ends with Eve exploring the internet of things and accidentally causing an uprising in our new smart refrigerator overlords, I will take back several mean things I’ve said about Mary Worth.
MW – “And I’ve cleared out a corner of the garage where we can put your bed and your food and water bowls.”
MW: “Ok, Eve. First, let me log into my account. Now, let’s just turn the camera a bit this way. Good, good. You just stand there. And on my signal, start removing your kerchief, but slowly. Real slowly. Let the drama build.”
MW – Not a big online person? Baby, you’re a big person anywhere!
One week later
“Boom! Headshot! Eat it, BowtieWeiner23!”
“Eve, dear, we’re on the same team here.”
“Alt-F4 if you can’t handle the heat, Saulie!”
MW – “Saulie”!?
Don Abundio, translated:
[Sign: ART GALLERY]
“What is that painting supposed to represent?”
“I know! It’s a beautiful woman getting out of the bath!”
“Wrong! It’s ‘An abstract arrangement of colors and forms'”
“Who cares?”
“The important thing is the artist just died, so it’s going up in value!”
MW: As a privileged white woman with too much time on her hands and an overinflated sense of her own judgement*, Eve is a prime target for the worst online conspiracy theories. The only question is which one will catch her eye. QAnon? Jewish space lasers? The trans conspiracy? Big Pharma squashing the panacea that is essential oils?
*I realize this also describes Mary, but since Mary is more of a “too good for this newfangled technology” type and also never, ever allowed to be wrong, the disinformation machines will have to take the next best target.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Don’t be a loafer – salmon squares are where it’s at, daddy-o! It’s hip to be square!!!
@Peanut Gallery: Saulie Walnuts, he was an associate of the Westanzo crew back in Jersey, but he couldn’t get made because he wasn’t Italian and also he liked dogs with bow ties.
Saul: By the way, did you know that according to WhitePages, there’s a Steve Lourde with your exact same birthday? What a coincidence.
(Eve tents fingers, looks at ceiling and softly whistles.)
@Old School Allie Cat, @I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
In Emily St. John Mandel’s post-apocalyptic novel Station Eleven there’s a character who believes the Internet must still be out there somewhere if only he could find the right frequency to connect with it. The way I feel about Enormoushop.
@Peanut Gallery: @I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Yeah, among the Chosen People, that nickname is usually spelled “Solly.” Eve is such a goy, it even comes out wrong phonetically.
Wait till Saul brings her to his favorite kosher deli and she tries to order a lean pastrami on raisin toast with mayonnaise. The old waiter will rear back with the menu and give her such a shmek on the kopf.
MW: Eve, I found this great site where someone reads the comics so we don’t have to!!! And then we can make pithy comments about the comics. Gee willikers I have a lot to say about Maggie & Jiggs and Steve Canyon. Maybe I can get the COTW with something pithy about Luann.
@Ukulele Ike: #43: re-Phantom: No, but Savarna did treat Hero to a Tijuana girl and pony act.
Apple computers: Nothing says we’re a hip, young, cool brand like product placement in a Mary Worth comic!
Mary Worth, missing final panel: Once focus is off them, Eve puts the plastic tarp on the davenport while Saul places the wrestling mats on the floor as a prelude to a sick sick interspecies orgy. Everyone wears their respective neckwear. They may be sickos but they’re not about to abandon their sartorial standards.
C’shaft: Ugh, who let Brooke McEldowney guest write?
Dustin: “Okay: I’m in a passionate committed long-term relationship with Sam Winchester, and it is foretold that if I ever break faith with him the portal to Hell will re-open and consume us all, so I can never go out with you. You understand.”
GT: Visual storytelling? Is Gil Thorp allowed to do this? Where are the awkward close-ups of indistinguishable characters? The breathless narration boxes rattling off names without context or meaning?
JP: April’s mom is taking advantage of the fact that Sam and everyone connected to him is obliviously stupid.
Luann: “How DARE you insist that I accept Bets’ happiness is not entirely dependent on me?”
MT: “Sorry: the glorified thugs whose primary function is to uphold systemic inequality.”
“Better.”
Pluggers have done absolutely nothing with their lives since they were eighteen.
RMMD: Forced to share a hotel room and there’s only one bed? I didn’t even know Rex Morgan had fanfiction!
FC: Jeffy never disappoints, does he…
@Ukulele Ike:
The old waiter will rear back with the menu and give her such a shmek on the kopf.
Weirdly, I assumed early on that Eve ate knish. Well, mazel to her and the alter cocker anyway.
I hope the long Phantom arc ends with the Trial of Mozz, for his many crimes. Against us, mostly.
@68 Old Man Shadow: They’re powering half the city of Cupertino from how fast Steve Jobs is spinning in his grave after he saw today’s Mary Worth.
MW — Isn’t there a sign at the entrance to Charterstone that says “Thank you for not talking about the outside world” (per the Simpsons, back when they mattered)?
Locked Up: “It’s from your bartender! He knows you like a big belt now and then.
It’s from Bryce Harper! He’s knows you’re going to belt one out of the park.
It’s from Xi Jinping! He wants you to join the Belt and Road Initiative.
MW: “What’s mine is now yours, dear.”
Eve can’t suppress her smile of joy and relief ~~~ You got that right, Saulie baby! Why else would I have married a little creep like you? Sure, bring your rolling computer cart right in. I hope you’re not planning on bringing over any more of your old-man junk. Ha. Old-man junk. I’ve seen enough of that already.
I can’t believe you are giving up your apartment… you were supposed to keep that for your and Greta’s “activities.” And it’s not like you can’t afford it, with that fortune you have. We need to see about setting up some joint accounts soon. I guess I can accept you and Greta being here full time. Without the expense of other living space you’ll be increasing the value of your estate, for “down the road” …
So I’ll just play dumb here and let you show me all about the “mysteries” of the internet. I think I have erased all my online past well enough.
MARY WORTH: By “learning new tricks”, Saul is going to become Eve’s new cyber-pimp.
@taig: “@gardenornament: That’s way too spicy for Gunnie. ”
You’re probably right. I’m actually a bit surprised that he’s even watching Bets’s cosplay videos. Even though she covers herself up quite thoroughly, they’re still a bit on the sexy side for this comic.
Pickles I like Pickles today.
Normally it’s just grandparents raising their son alone (?) and a dog, with the grandma doing most of the work while grandpa loafs on the couch and makes snide remarks about his wife to the dog and grandchild.
Today, however, after grandpa tells grandson that grandma uses a pencil to make her eyebrows more visible, grandson is in front of the bathroom mirror with the eyebrow pencil saying, “Oh yeah!”
Could be a sign the grandson will be a Goth, or trans.
@TheDiva: Mary Worth is her own “disinformation machine”, thank you very much!
Correction Re: Pickles
Grandparents raising their grandson alone.
MW: As a CYBER-SENIOR myself, I experienced the full history of the home computer and am the person other people turn to when they need technical assistance. I am not prepared for whatever “blind leading the blind” plot we’re being queued up for.
MW “See, there’s lots of websites about ‘doggy style’. We can pick up tips on new fashion accessories for our doggies.”
REX MORGAN M.D.: Hey “authorities”? You couldn’t have shut down his bank accounts before he picked up that green eyesore he’s wearing?
Lockhorns: I assumed that Leroy was unpacking a leash, not a bespoke belt made for a genuine beach ball of a human being, but the holes in the leather prove me wrong.
Mary Worth: Wait, did Saul sell his condo? I’m guessing a place in this spacious, well-maintained building on huge grounds in a Southern California beach town would go for more than a cool mil. Which I’m sure isn’t why someone would marry a grumpy older man with no close human heirs, right? Although the likelier case is that it’s still on the market. As soon as any potential buyer noticed the permeating smell of fish and bran muffins in the hallway — or was waylaid by a one-person welcoming committee anxious to know how they are and to tell them how to fix it — they would decide that renting for a few more years doesn’t sound that bad.
Mary Worth: If this strip was more willing to embrace madness, this would be the start of an arc about Estelle being radicalized by internet communists and becoming a terrorist who blows up government buildings while putting out manifestos on the goodness of dogs.
The Lockhorns: Loretta’s look of sadness and despair is an… interesting choice for pose and expression here. Given that the Lockhorns’ relationship largely consists of complex psychological insult mind games, you’d think she’d be happy of her mom joining in on bullying her dickweed of a husband.
I recently heard the compelling argument that elderly people are more susceptible to conspiracy theories because they’re also more vulnerable to scams. The more you have to adapt to a world where strangers are constantly trying to steal your money, the easier it is to imagine everyone is out to get you in an organized fashion. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the two most likely endings here — Eve emptying her and Saul’s joint bank account to pay a fraudulent dropshipper of bulk dog bowties, and Eve accosting Wilbur as a representative of the liberal media cabal while screaming “WWG1WGA!” — are not mutually exclusive.
WuMo: Ew!
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Dear Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars! Speaking of merch, I received the collar to go with the clip-on bow ties your shipping department sent. I appreciate the fast service. Unfortunately, the collar I received today does not coordinate at all with the blue polka-dot clip-on, as promised, but is leather and has spikes. Is it possible this is from the Otto Collection? I don’t think it will work on my dog. When I first tried it on my Dalmatian, the dog suddenly started exhibiting aggressive and might I say KINKY behavior of the type we don’t encourage in our conservative household. I would appreciate your sending the collar that coordinates with the tie so that my Dalmatian and I can finally match each other when we go on our walks. Because the shipping and handling charges for your merchandise are so high, I will keep the spiked leather collar and perhaps may find another use for it….
@Guillermo el chiclero: I remember at least one old strip that showed Savarna, in bed, gloating over her swollen belly full of baby Phantom. Maybe I got the wrong impression, and she took the vet’s husband back behind the horse stable for a quick one while his wife was operating on the bullet wound.
@Navigator: ‘I read the most interesting fourteen words today, Saul, and I think you and I have to talk . . . .”
Luann: Yes, Gunther, kill! Kill him! Kill them all! Muahahahaaa!
Rex Morgan – Bankers’ hours! Now the discussion seques into a week long argument about how banks are closed at night. I’m on the edge of my seat already.
Pluggers – Even when pluggers peak in high school, it was all in their imagination.
Mary Worth – If we start seeing comments from “Giantess,” “Matching Neckwear,” or “Woof!” I have a good idea who it is.
@Ukulele Ike: “I remember at least one old strip that showed Savarna, in bed, gloating over her swollen belly full of baby Phantom. Maybe I got the wrong impression, and she took the vet’s husband back behind the horse stable for a quick one while his wife was operating on the bullet wound.”
No, you got the right impression. That was the part of the prophesy timeline where Savarna has killed Jampa and indirectly turned Kit Jr. into a bitter guerilla fighter, Heloise’s BFF has killed herself for reasons, Diana has left the Ghost for a new life as a midwestern housewife, and Savarna has moved in with the Ghost.
FC – Yes, Jeffy, and if we shaved your head it would look just like that ham. Including the tacks holding it together. Creepy, innit?
@gardenornament: “The Days of our Phantom will return after these commercial messages.”
@Charterstoned: Dear valued customer: C.S, we are so sorry that you received the wrong item.
My InternOur shipping department has been overwhelmed with the demand for our fine products, so I’m afraid mistakes may happen. I will personally see that you are sent the correct collar post haste! (expedited shipping charges may apply) And please keep the spiked leather collar as our gift to you. More uses for it may be found on the internet,@Col. Havoc: Bwahaha!
RxMD: “All your accounts have been shut down, and you’re so desperate for funds, you’ll kidnap my manager and put him in the trunk of a car….. you know, Rene, you could have led with that!”
Pluggers- Does Andy Bear also work in a woman’s shoe store?
LUANN: If this scene is lining up a new story in which Gunther and Luann will get together, I am begging Les to strike first and hard. Kill Gunther! Kill! And then put me on the jury!
JP: What I’m expecting is the CIA gunsels and Pavel’s thugs will run into each other’s at April’s house and get into a raging gun battle. The next day’s strip will show April and her mom casually stepping over the piles of bullet-riddled corpses on the way to shop for shoes. The day after that will be a bucolic scene of spring comes to Cavelton and time for s new story.
MW: Saulie. Saulie. My brain refused to see and recognize that name until I read the comments here. Saulie…is the face in the misty light…
@Guillermo el chiclero: re JP: That’s exactly what will happen. I love how April’s Mom sees all and knows all. She’s the only character here who’s shown to have any sense. Too bad she doesn’t have a more prominent role.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I was with you 100% of the way… until you predicted what the strip would “show,” rather than “describe,” in a “characters recite walls o’ text” Sunday wrap up.
MW. That’s not a computer desk. It’s a bar cart with a laptop sitting on it. I’m assuming Saul picked it up at a Wilbur “I’m sober this week” garage sale.
RMMD: why isn’t Rene in jail?
@taig:
9CL: Did I accidentally ingest shrooms? What is happening today?
_____________
Is tripping with the Chickweed Laners worst then tripping with the Bradys?
When it’s time to f***/ make sure that you don’t get stuck in a place that would embarrass a normie / know where you are and where you wanna be.
“What’s mine is now yours, dear. Did I mention I have shingles?”
MW: The first thing Eve does with Saul’s computer is make an appointment for him at the opthalmologist.
@Guillermo el chiclero: #103: Oops, wrong season. I should’ve said Fall comes to Cavelton. Not that it matters. During the drug dealing judge episode Ces had them all standing around their Christmas tree at the beginning of baseball season.
@Voshkod: “What’s mine is now yours, dear. Did I mention I have
shinglesherpes?” FIFY@8 taig:
Old fresh hell.
The same could be said about almost every Judge Parker character.
MW: “Open to learning new things.” You know. Sexually.
Phantom: I never fully understood the logic of the prophecy. Kit simply revealing the secret city where his son is located doesn’t tell Savarna anything interesting. Were Kit’s delirious ravings so detailed that he also disclosed that Jampa was there too?
@Tom T.: Kit’s delirious ravings were so detailed he was able to provide Savarna with Jampa’s office fax number and underwear size.
@Guillermo el chiclero: SHOOOOOOOOOES
I was talking to my cousin about ChatGPT and the lawyer who was in danger of being disbarred because he used it to write a brief and ChatGPT made up some cases. He said he was impressed that an older guy was willing to use a new technology like that after practicing law for 30 years. I pointed out that it was one thing when our grandmother was born in the Great Depression and had to learn e-mail, but the lawyer in question was our age. The conversation kind-of petered out after that. Sorry, Nathan.
@Dennis Jimenez: #37
“MW – PLEASE let the next MW rabbit hole be cyberporn addiction….”
In other words, the next story will be about Wilbur.
@Tom T.: re Phantom: As I recall, Savarna wanted to get rid of the Phantom’s son, and went to the Mountain City to do that. Once there, she recognized Jampa and had her revenge. She wanted to eliminate Kit, so her own future children by the Phantom (yes, they “did it” in the prophecy) would inherit the legacy or whatever.
I may be mis-remembering, but it seems like this is what may have happened.
Luann-Les just hired a former CIA agent to have Bets removed.
Zits Spanish to English.
The afternoon terrorist Family Circus.
@Myrtle:
“re Phantom: As I recall, Savarna wanted to get rid of the Phantom’s son, and went to the Mountain City to do that. Once there, she recognized Jampa and had her revenge. She wanted to eliminate Kit, so her own future children by the Phantom (yes, they “did it” in the prophecy) would inherit the legacy or whatever.
I may be mis-remembering, but it seems like this is what may have happened.”
Actually, Savarna knew that went Jampa was in Mountain City, after listening to the Phantom’s fever ravings and putting two and two together. She went there to kill Jampa, nothing else.
There was a lot of speculation here that she went there to assasinate Kit Jr (for reasons), and I seem to recall the comic being drawn in a way that made it seem he was the target, but that was a red herring.
@Daisy: Or Iris gets upset when she discovers that discovers that Zak has subscribed to Eve’s OnlyFans channel. How will Mary fix this?
@gardenornament:
Savarna: “Kit, I’m just back from Tibet, where I assassinated your son. You ready to get jiggy now?”
Kit: “You killed my SON?!?”
Savarna: “Kit, Kit…face it, he wasn’t that good a son.”
@Ukulele Ike: You just made me laugh out loud. Many thanks!
Pluggers: With talent like that don’t let it go to waste, Andy Bear. There’s a guy in Milford named Thorp who’ll want to sign you up.
Crank: So … it’s the following day? And I guess after their chat, Ed just drove off laughing, which is why grandma now has to resort to unsavoury measures to get the kid on the bus? Or something? Batty heard about narrative coherence once, and decided he wanted no part of it.
DT: I like that Dick doesn’t know Anders’ motive for ratting out Madsen, the guy who shot him. Is that something that could lead to bad feeling between criminal confederates? Maybe, but Dick leaves that stuff to the prison shrinks. Or maybe he means he doesn’t know why Anders got involved in the first place, which I would guess is money. (I doubt he means he doesn’t know why Anders arranged for Madsen to hijack a delivery Madsen’s boss had ordered legitimately, because nobody is ever going to know that.)
JP, yesterday: So once again, everything is Sam’s buddy Detective Yelich’s fault for being hopelessly incompetent. I look forward to him facing no consequences for this because did you miss the part about “Sam’s buddy”?
MW, meta: Wow, that link takes me back (obviously, that’s how they work). Remember when Mary was shown Twitter, and immediately said “I don’t understand this, therefore it’s bad and I hate it”? And Extremely Online Mudges such as myself laughed at her? Well, who’s laughing now, eh? I bet she’s not spending her time desperately trying to work out if Bluesky or Mastadon is the best bet for when X finally implodes!
OTF: Congratulations are due to Bil Holbrook, as I think this is the first time an “All Just a Dream” ending has not only been a total cop-out, but also resulted in the story making less sense
@Garrison Skunk: Oh, yeah, tripping with the Chickweed Laners would be so much worse than tripping with the Bradys. For the former, I’d have constant flashbacks to Edda unhinging her jaw to tear my head off.
@Horace Broon: re: OTF: I’m not going to read back over that plot, because I feel life is too short to spend any of it reading Holbrook’s work. I mean, I could be hanging around down at the pool hall!
I’m puzzled by the “I just dreamed” thing going on in The Legend of Bill, not because I can’t suspend my disbelief at the recent events, but because the brunette fortune teller somehow turned into the pink-haired Princess. Are the girl sidekicks supposed to be THAT indistinguishable?
@Ukulele Ike: The orcs had the princess with them, although isn’t she still the Dark Queen in the Princess’s body? The fortune teller girl seems to have disappeared, possibly abducted by the surviving orc? Anyway, I don’t think it’s a dream, I think Bill went Berserker when the girls were threatened, then passed out when he saw what he had done.
Lockhorns: Loretta’s mother, like Sam Weller’s dad, equates width with wisdom and prosperity.
@Rube: Thank you, that clears up a lot. I didn’t realize the Princess came in WITH the orcs. Yes, she’s still the Dark Queen under the skin; her alter ego is somewhere with DQ’s bald husband trying to switch things back.
Did an orc survive? ‘Cause FT seemed undamaged last week, except for the touch of PTSD.
No, definitely not a dream — But Bill thought it was for a second.
Lockhorns: Regardless of what the YUGE belt is supposed to mean, that big candy stripe box is hardly the most efficient way to ship it.
MW: Eve isn’t a big online person, not counting the OnlyFans that Saul will see for the first time a few days from now.
@What the dickens, Scudder!: I’d forgotten that Sam Weller had a dad. I picture Sam springing forth fullgrown from the thigh of Zeus.
@Ukulele Ike: That would be a picture, that would.
9CL: Was…was he afraid to rinse it out before coming to school? Anyway, as per usual, the only good thing about Amos’s hair is that it sometimes distracts from his face.
C-Shaft: And so the pool for betting on which deceased notable Crankshaft would cause to turn in their grave comes to a close. Those of you who had Claudette Colbert please collect your winnings in an orderly fashion.
Dustin: I don’t know if Dustin would have a better chance with the blonde if he straightened up and threw his shoulders back, but it would help his chances in the fight against scoliosis.
JP: Yelich has to wait for Sam and Abbey to finish that reunion sex they’ve been talking about. So about another three minutes, tops.
Luann: Joke’s on you, Gunth. Les doesn’t have a life either!
RMMD: Rene needs money because he still owes the Riddler a suit. That hack drycleaner washed all the question marks off this one.
Ziggy-Ziggy’s got a romantic rendezvous with a bear.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Re: Crank: God, don’t let Batiuk have her raise it Colbert-high tomorrow.
re: JP: Knowing these folks, it’s be more characteristic to have had Sam wander away from his phone, possibly into the kitchen to make a sandwich, possibly to take a massive dump, possibly to see if there’s anything good on th’ teevee.
@Ukulele Ike:
Okay, so, (from someone who has NO idea what you’re talking about) :
Bill is a dimwitted underpants barbarian with his pet dragon.
He meets a pinkhaired Warrior Princess. She’s competent, so she hates him.
He meets a ravenhaired Vampire Princess. She’s spooky, so he rejects her.
The Vampire Princess, who was actually interested in Bill, kidnaps the Warrior Princess, and uses a spell to switch bodies.
Vampire-Princess-in-Warrior-Princess’s body tries to hit on Bill, but suddenly he’s uninterested for reasons.
Warrior-Princess-inVampire-Princess’s body teams up with her allies to try to get her body back (with the time limit that if she stays in an Evil Vampire Princess’ body for too long, she’ll PERMANENTLY mentally become an evil vampire princess?)
Bill meets a gypsy soothsayer girl who tries to warn him about what happen but he’s too stupid/too horny for the cute fortune teller to understand what she’s saying
ORCS ATTACK
Bill goes full BERZERKER RAGE on the orcs, kills them all, one orc goes all “What!? But he is comedic, bumbling fool!? WHAT AN IGNOBLE END FOR ONE SUCH AS I!!!!” when dead-ed
Bill wakes up, Pinkhaired girl and dragon next to him (even though the girl wasn’t there when he started his rampage)
Pinkhaired girl is apparently still Vampire-Princess-in-Warrior-Princess’s body, as that hasn’t been resolved yet.
…How much did I get wrong?
@Anonymous: …Bill is a dimwitted underpants barbarian with his pet dragon. He meets a pinkhaired Warrior Princess. She’s competent, so she hates him. He meets a ravenhaired Vampire Princess. She’s spooky, so he rejects her. The Vampire Princess, who was actually interested in Bill, kidnaps the Warrior Princess, and uses a spell to switch bodies. Vampire-Princess-in-Warrior-Princess’s body tries to hit on Bill, but suddenly he’s uninterested for reasons. Warrior-Princess-inVampire-Princess’s body teams up with her allies to try to get her body back (with the time limit that if she stays in an Evil Vampire Princess’ body for too long, she’ll PERMANENTLY mentally become an evil vampire princess?) Bill meets a gypsy soothsayer girl who tries to warn him about what happen but he’s too stupid/too horny for the cute fortune teller to understand what she’s saying ORCS ATTACK Bill goes full BERZERKER RAGE on the orcs, kills them all, one orc goes all “What!? But he is comedic, bumbling fool!? WHAT AN IGNOBLE END FOR ONE SUCH AS I!!!!”
Jeez, skip reading Gasoline Alley for a week…
MW-Heavy emphasis on tricks.
Late Thread Cuisine: In honor of all the Mudges celebrating wedding anniversaries, have a ball!
How will Eve react when she opens the closet containing Saul’s Greta fursuit?
@Baja Gaijin: That doesn’t look too bad, apart from the fact that there’s a 32.761% chance of it containing a facehugger.
@Baja Gaijin: But I can never remember which year is The Blob Anniversary.
@147 taig: Really? [skims recipe] Well God damn! There it is, the third ingredient, 1/3 cup facehugger eggs, fertilized.
@148 Peanut Gallery: You’re not alone. The diamond cartel does its best to bury all non-jewelry anniversaries.
@Anonymous: DAMN close. Except that Pinkhair Princess arrived with the orcs (Thanks, Rube) and Cute FT is still mysteriously disappeared. Unless she is resting off-panel.
Now do Girl Genius! THAT has lots of weird-hair Princesses, scary monsters, and cute girls. Also cute monsters and scary girls.
@Baja Gaijin: Good grief. I think I would like that. I like cheese, and that actually looks not bad.
Did hell just freeze over?
I do like the fact that that the olives were not arranged to look like eyes.
@151 I speak Jive: Are you suuuurrrre those aren’t olive-eyes staring at you? The ball is made up of cream cheese, Roquefort or blue cheese, and processed hickory-smoked flavor cheese spread, among other things.
@Baja Gaijin: *considers that combination, turns pale green* Pardon me, gotta run. *runs*