Tuesday quickies
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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/19/23
Sadly, due to the free availability of firearms and ongoing unchecked clan warefare, PTSD is endemic among the population of Hootin’ Holler.
Pluggers, 9/19/23
I’m not usually one to praise the art in Pluggers, but I think this panel is pretty evocative of an aging beast-man who, in a moment of solemn reflection, realizes he is slouching in only one direction now, and that direction will see him grow smaller and smaller until he ceases to be altogether.
Blondie, 9/19/23
That’s right, everyone! Please don’t stop subscribing to print newspapers, even though that’s how you learn about all the crazy stuff going on in the world today. Because without a newspaper, there’s no other way for you to read the comics! [Aide whispers something in my ear] Oh NO
199 replies to “Tuesday quickies”
Wary Morth:
“I’m Waldo Kelrast! I believe you knew my brother Aldo?”
“Wha…no! That was some other Mary Worth! She moved away a long time ago! I never had anything to do with forcing your brother to drive off a cliff! Well, must be going, bye bye!”
—————————————-
Wrecks Moregone:
So, the Mirakle method is to meddle your victim into submission by telling him that he only has to imagine things to make them come true? Mary Worth should sue for copyright infringement!
Wary Morth 2:
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
Poor man, you have absolutely no idea what you’re in for.
Doc Pritchart and his amazing flying car (which no doubt runs on ‘shine).
Buying two newspapers to read at the same time? What, are the Bumsteads made of money?
Tom Hesbach of Midlothian, Virginia sure is gunning for the late Reed Hoover’s crown.
BGSS: Just look at Doc, driving around smugly in the knowledge that by 5:00 tonight, he’ll have completely sold out of his latest batch of ‘nerve tonic’.
Pluggers: At least they assume that they’re cuffed down there? Pluggers haven’t seen their ankles in a while now.
Blondie: “There’s only one thing that makes sense anymore: the comics! Well, except for Heathcliff. A helmet that just says ‘meat’ on it? What does that even mean?”
Today’s Blondie is like one of those Platonic dialogues where one character’s lines are all “yes, Socrates,” “to be sure, Socrates,” “certainly, Socrates,” if Socrates were an idiot.
Arlo and Janis Tom Batiuk, please note the correct use of the expression “salad days”. Also, the presence of a joke.
MW – “Yeah, thanks, Exposition Lady. Now, either grab a box or leave me TF alone. I’m tryin’ to move in, here.”
@pugfuggly:
Blondie: “There’s only one thing that makes sense anymore: the comics! Well, except for Heathcliff. A helmet that just says ‘meat’ on it? What does that even mean?”
“Why is he at a Tiki bar, dressed as a banana, while the bartender tells him that daiquiri sales are continuing to plummet?”
“I don’t know, dear. I couldn’t tell you; my newspaper doesn’t carry Heathcliff.”
BG&SS: A lot of inner-city folks are reading this and saying; “True that.”
Blondie “There’s only thing that makes sense anymore. The comics! Where else can you learn that Uber drivers say things like ‘The Bumstead estate, sir’, and that Amazon delivery dudes walk into your house with a bouquet of fresh flowers!”
Y’know, Blondie, that’s actually a pretty effective stab at “Tell me your local newspaper doesn’t carry Six chix without telling me your local newspaper doesn’t carry Six chix.”
@Anonymous: I only see Heathcliff regularly because I followed an account on Twixxer that reposts them (I thought it was a parody at first…). I don’t know if that strip still runs in many paper newspapers, but it must be baffling to the casual reader who isn’t in on their ‘joke’.
MW: Mary eyes her large and muscular new neighbor and hopes the periscope fits the submarine.
@els: Or 9 Chickweed Lane.
Pluggers: “As they grow out of them?” What does that mean…do Pluggers grow a foot in height once they hit 94*
*12 in dog years
JP: I’m not sure how a fully charged Microsoft Zune is helpful here, but I suppose I’ll be tuning in the rest of the month to find out.
RMMD: Too bad the first step of the “Miracle Method” isn’t “If you have any hostages, release them.”
GT: At what age do you become Coach {Last Name}? After having children? I’d guess it was gender based, but what about Coach Kaz….oooooohhhhh….
Phantom: [Stranger walks past hidden Bandar…staring at their story beads*]
*Kids these days, amirite?
“If doc wants to keep folks healthy, he would get rid of his car.” But he doesn’t and it is not surprising given his financial incentives
YOU LIAR, DAGWOOD! YOU STINKING, ROTTEN LIAR! *shoves comics page into Dagwood’s face, points at literally any strip but let’s start with Mary friggin’ Worth asking if normal people act like any of them before moving on to, ooooh, let’s say goddamned Blondie with characters reading the newspaper with their noses touching the goddamned pages and men wearing goddamned red bow ties to the kitchen table*
@Schroduck:
The Bumsteads still live in one of the few major metropolitan areas that have two competing daily newspapers
MW: “Hello there…I’m MARY WORTH from the first floor in Building A!”
“Call me Ishmael.”
MW: The newcomer is perceptive. One look at Mary, and he knows that she’s the one to defer to and address as “Ma’am”.
@Pozzo: Hootin’ Holler rarely sees any vehicular traffic, and most fuel would be made from grain. They are a century away from getting the infrastructure for electric cars, but they are far ahead of even California in having a low carbon footprint.
BGSS: This is all part of Doc’s scheme to perform expensive and dangerous open-heart surgery.
Pluggers: Pluggers also hate going to specialty stores to find 54W/40L jeans.
Blondie: I get it. You get all confused and angry about how the world is changing, and you want the comfort of an art form that hasn’t changed at all since you were a child.
Pluggers like to pretend they outgrow pants by their legs getting shorter, but the real culprit is always their big, fat, ever-widening ass.
6Cx: I’m not sure about the “ferocious” part (they look more scared than ferocious to me), but those boots are huge! They’re almost half as large as Bianca’s body, and I’m not sure even one pair will fit in her tiny suitcase. Well, maybe, if she unpack all the non-essential items, like that change of clothes or extra underwear. If she can bring her boots, it’s worth having to go commando in dirty pants, right?
Pluggers contemplate the grass-covered earth in Autumn, the sod that covers the just and the unjust and their dear Mildred. Soon it will be their turn, time to say goodbye to the friends and kids and grandkids, time to say goodbye to the sun and the rain, time to slip below to rest with Millie and the worms. Can’t be fast enough to cover the ass sticking out of their jeans.
Pluggers: As a child, pluggers struggled with singular/ plural subject agreement issues in their grammar.
Blondie: The comics make sense? I guess Dagwood and Blondie don’t read Judge Parker, or Rex Morgan, or 9 Chickweed Lane, or Blondie.
JP: How very coy. Clever writing is withholding basic information from the readers, right? Too bad this arc also withheld all the discourse between Sam and Gloria regarding their situation outside of a couple empty eyerolling quips. In fact, Marciuliano is being so “clever” with this story that it’s impossible for anyone to understand or care about any of it!
RMMD: It has come to this – Mud is now turning the dreaded Mirakle Method on its own creator. I have no idea why, but we’re doing this. So far it seems to be a combination of light hypnosis and The Secret, so it’s probably not going to be effective on anyone that isn’t desperately gullible. Still, just to be safe, do not attempt to perform the Mirakle Method yourself, and if you must picture playground equipment in your mind, be sure to imagine it only in public parks with normal Earth gravity, lest your risk consequences such as mental health disorders, financial destitution, and boring old women demanding that you play “Muddy Boots.”
Luann: Why choose between providing someone with laughter or adrenaline when you can dress up like a clown and chase them with an axe?
Blondie-“I don’t get these new fangled modern day comics.”
MW-And in what might be a shocking first ‘Mary Worth’ has it’s first redheaded character.
JP-And so three months later. “Man that really got out of hand. That escalated quickly.”
FC-To dream the impossible dream.
Blondie: Only Daisy knows the truth–the comics are just as bad as the rest of the world.
Frazz: Sadly, the homework was long division.
Luann: It’s not grating at all when Luann talks like Ralph Wiggum. I also find it amusing that after yesterday’s discussion about Curtis having the same teacher year after year, we learn that Mrs. Horner is teaching this semester’s “creative” “writing” class.
CS: You know how a joke getting stretched out too much makes it unfunny? Regrettably, this started out as unfunny, so now it’s excruciating.
Beetle Bailey-But Sarge can still beat you.
9CL: So…the joke is that Edda is turning into her mother? For Brooke, it makes sense that he’d find this funny.
Pibgorn: So, Luda shows how healthy she is by using Padraig as a stripper pole for her routine while she’s still got arrows jammed in her back. Also, major turn on: being used as a stripper pole by a barely pubescent fairy girl.
JP: Place your bets — will the ending be more like “Mad, Mad… Mad World”, “What’s Up, Doc?”, or “Clue”?
GT: Gil reminds her it’s ‘LORD God Thorp’, as she is painted green and given a pendant.
6Chix: I think the standard advice here would be to wear one pair of the boots. But I’m saying leave both sets at home. They’re ugly, and you need room for the pumpkin.
Zits: This is how my oldest procrastinated on everything.
FC: The boy on the right is thinking he needs to find new friends.
MW: Expositional dialogue provided by Tom Batiuk.
Lio-Lio, don’t let him out! You have no idea what you’ll be unleashing when you break the circle.
MW – Ginger McBurly looks a little old for Dawn. He’s hardly the type to tempt Toby to cheat. Estelle is dating Dr. Ned, or Dr. Ed or whatever. Iris is married, Eve is now married. Who is Mary going to force him into a relationship with?
@astroboy: you forgot Wilbur.
@Professor Well Actually:
Out of shape, no fashion sense and as far as we know, he’s not a fan of show tunes.
@Professor Well Actually: From the looks of the new dude, you could quite easily go with him being gay, if such a thing existed in the Worthverse.
GT – “Well, my tic-tac-toe game has gone off the rails, so yeah, I’ve got a minute. What’s up?”
@astroboy: Dawn has frequently chased after much older men like Prof. Harlan and Dr. Marriedman, so Muscles von Firecrotch is well within her strike zone. What worries me is the all-too-plausible possibility that others have suggested – Red the Neckless is a relation of Aldo’s, and we’re about to see a lame fanservice retread. Either that or more pet crap.
Plugged:
That rendering of that solitary figure without a toilet present, or a complant about the dogman being out of sorts with modernity, is quite sublime.
The newest artist nailed this.
Blondie:
Okay. In the last panel, Daisy the dog opens her eyes indicating Dagwood said something shocking which disturbed her nap.
However, when Dagwood says his line, he pulls a thing where he hides his mouth with the newspaper. If this where a tv show, I would say they totally dubbed over what Dagwood really said using an impersonator.
But, I guess we are supposed to take the last panel as Blondie and Dagwood burying their faces deeper into the newspapers because their failing eyesight makes it difficult to read the increasingly smaller, printed comics section.
@26 gardenornament: Forget the boots, check out the booty! This character had to be designed by Sir Mix-A-Lot.
PIB – “‘Twas just a flesh wound, I’ll be fine!”
From day to day he can’t decide if she is dying from mortal injuries or just mildly inconvenienced by them. And the arrows themselves will vanish completely as she lies on her back, then reappear dangling from her shoulder blades the next day.
One thing that won’t go away is our sixty-something author’s love of boner jokes. Hahah, the mortally injured little girl half his size with the green spots all over is giving Teen Monk a hard on! It’s funny, because the author has the same reaction!!
Deep into year five of this storyline and he’s still clearly just making it up as he goes.
Mary Worth – You are very strong and muscular, which makes it totally OK for me to stand here, blocking your ingress as you carry a heavy box of household items. Let me tell you about myself…
[Three Hours Later]
But enough about me. What do you think of me?
LUANN – ratsaraT aka Tara Star still can’t fit into her characterization. She’s a poor girl from a troubled childhood, but she also loves to go parasailing and practice her archery at the elementary school and just generally do extreme sports in an extreme manner! It’s a good diversion from an adult comic where she would have been fucking Piro all summer. (“Piro? Yeah, we went parasailing together. You might say I took him for a ride!”
Poor Luann, meanwhile, is required to still be a clueless pre-teen who doesn’t go outside much….
@Schroduck: Dagwood gets the front section, Metro, Sports, Opinion, and Comics. Blondie gets Arts & Style, Coupons, and a crippling lack of self-worth.
Blondie – “There’s only one thing that makes sense anymore!” “What’s that, dear?” “Choosing our wardrobe and our home furnishings as if it’s still the 1920s!”
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: How does Tara Starr finance all her archery and parasailing anyway? Stealing television sets can’t possibly be *that* lucrative. Smuggling cocaine? Acting as a caser for Mafioso Grey’s stable of burglars? One can safely rule out prostitution because nobody in this strip has genitalia.
Blondie – Daisy ain’t buying it.
@jroggs:
I’m voting for Waldo Kelrast’s Revenge then! That would be more fun than a Mopey Dawn story.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Also how does she know she’s transitioning into a fairy?
(That’s apart from the fact that she’s an illiterate twelve year old peasant with a thesaurus for a vocabulary.)
Don Abundio, translated:
“Humm! It smells like the house is on fire!”
“Don’t worry, Marsha… The cook burned my scrambled eggs!”
“I thought my captors had finally met their doom!”
Maybe if I just stand here as the light fades into darkness I can fade away too. That’s a good end. A dignified end. – Pluggers have depths unplumbed.
“Hello. My name is Waldo Kelrast. You and his own problematic behavior, including a drinking problem and an inability to respect women, killed my father. Prepare to die.”
True story: The small-town newspaper where I worked for about 35 years, up until 2020, was shut down this summer, along with several other papers owned by the same investor. A chain which operates papers in several neighboring small towns swooped in, hired up most of the old staff, and launched a new, unrelated newspaper, with a different name. I was happy to see my old friends and co-workers still able to work. The community seems pleased at still having a paper, but the biggest complaint I’ve heard about the Post, as compared to the old Times-Gazette, is that the Post doesn’t have any comics!
It seems like a strange complaint. The T-G, which published five days a week when I first started there in 1985, had gone down to two days a week by the time it shut down, so they really weren’t able to publish the traditional daily comics anyway, and the Post is only one day a week.
MW: “Here, let me set my boxes of Duluth Trading Company underwear down. I get lots of freebies for starring in their commercials. Mary, would you like some undies that won’t rip when you fight a bear?”
“Why yes I would! Come in for some muffins while I try some on.”
Blondie: Spoken like people whose local paper doesn’t carry Heathcliff.
Pluggers refuse to buy pants that actually fit.
@Baja Gaijin: 6Cx: “Forget the boots, check out the booty! ”
Yeah, I noticed that, too (it’s hard not to), and I couldn’t help referring to todays’ Pluggers. Despite being otherwise about as un-Pluggery as you can imagine, Bianca has a Plugger body!
What is Blonde reading? Caterer’s Daily?
(I don’t need to ask what Dagwood’s reading; it has to be The Glutton’s Gazette and the “crazy things” he’s talking about are casu marzu and pineapple pizza.)
@astroboy: “MW – Ginger McBurly looks a little old for Dawn. He’s hardly the type to tempt Toby to cheat. Estelle is dating Dr. Ned, or Dr. Ed or whatever. Iris is married, Eve is now married. Who is Mary going to force him into a relationship with?”
In today’s comic, I think it looks like Mary wouldn’t mind accepting that part herself. Dr. Jeff be damned, this is some man!
He should run for his life.
@Ukranazi Stepan:
An easy way out of this whole “Tara can somehow afford to perform expensive extreme sports despite being poor
discounting her “through being a private tutor, I make in a month what you earn in a year!” claim” AND “Tara, who had been previously characterised as a lazy delinquent, is a hyper-prolific writer” would be “Tara’s antisocial behavior also manifests as her being a pathological liar”.Snuffy Smith: This is clearly set up for a tragic, award-winning court drama storyline in which Snuffy accidentally shoots somebody during a trauma flashback caused by Doc’s backfiring car and is subsequently put on trial.
Pluggers: If you lose your eyes to the eldritch powers and simply stand in the middle of a field listlessly as your mind falls into forever… you might be a Plugger.
Blondie: You can tell this strip is an attempt to pander to the target audience of modern newspaper comics — particularly out of touch and crotchety old people who possess no social life and dislike anything that “them darn kids” are doing unless it’s their grandkids sucking up to them — because the writers don’t specify WHAT crazy stuff that supposedly doesn’t make sense is happening. Normal people rightfully don’t know or care what creepy shut-ins bitch and moan about, but they do know that creepy shut-ins spend most of their time doing that. “Yo, my guy! You hear about all that, uh, crazy stuff that’s been in the news? It’s nuts! Nothing makes sense anymore because it’s not like when you were a kid, yo!”
RMMD: Mud is using the Mirakle Method to put Rene to sleep, it’s already working on Buzzy.
RMMD: Since you guys are trying to keep yourselves entertained with mindless head games until morning, how about addressing the elephant in the room? Like how the hell did Rene escape from the brig, evade the ship’s search parties for the remainder of the cruise, and then sneak ashore while evading US Customs?
BG&SS -There’s no way the sounds of backfire or gunfire cause anything but glee in Hootin’ Holler. If there’s a sound that puts fear in their hearts, it’s the intro theme to Masterpiece Theater, or the binding of a book cracking.
BCN: Also, you’re cats. Just pretend you find something fascinating in the area and bat at it, or just stare at it fixedly.
GT: “Luke, even though you’re partially responsible for this conflict can you mediate it? I’m going to be busy doing…other stuff…”
HotC: Fancy way of saying he has a podcast called “The Layered Cut.”
JP: Gloria, whatever Sam’s paying you it can’t be worth loading your car with explosives and wiring them to a deadman’s switch in your Fitbit.
Luann: Love how Tara mentions parasailing as if it was the latest trend in extreme sports, and not something sixty-five-year-old cruise ship passengers do for their shore excursion in Cozumel.
Pib: TL;DR: Padraig tells Ut Luda is dead. She is in fact not dead because something fairy biology something. She kisses Padraig and he gets a boner.
MT: Jules is a bit behind on her invasive species: the current interloper is the kudzu bug, which keeps its namesake vine in check but can also wreak havoc on soybean crops. No word yet on what we’ll need to bring in to deal with that particular threat, or what it will threaten in turn.
MW: Beefy Aldo will soon come to deeply, deeply regret those words.
RMMD: Meanwhile, Buzzy is seriously questioning the life choices that have led him to this moment.
@taig: Seriously! Luann’s dialogue in panel #1 might as well be: “Piro, you choo-choo-choose me?”
MW: Nice to see Sgt. Slaughter getting work again.
MT: “I weeded this vine out of your garden. That leaves only 397 zillion quadrillion bazillion other kudzu vines for me to get rid of. — Sincerely, the Kudzu Crusader”
Phantom: “Let them go on thinking the element of surprise is all theirs.”
[Suddenly, 75 poisoned arrows, flying in from all directions, strike the stranger simultaneously.]
“Perfect! I have them right where I want them!”
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Remember when Brooke brought the arc to a screeching halt and started over after supposedly finding an old outline of the story he really wanted to tell?
I suspect the outline was something like:
I. Sexy legs
II. Water sex
III. Boner jokes
IV. Hellmaw
V. Lots of pretentious, long-winded exposition
Yep. That’s comics perfection right there. Move over Spiegelman and Moore. Make room for McEldowney.
Pluggers-I cuff my pants so the bottoms don’t drag on the ground.
BG&SS – And even if’n they see Spark Plug a’comin’ they think it’s the pale horse of judgment….
Pluggers – Based on a proportional physique, Walmart assumes a trouser of their waist size must be at least 7’ tall….
Blondie – Epoch Times has a comics section? Oh…I forgot – the editorial page!
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Luann-“And I took Piero muff diving,” says the third person.
Pibby: “Fairies have no heart.” Mr. Humphries scowls, disapprovingly.
Later, her head is chopped off with a kitana, as a Scottish Pibgorn absorbs her lifeforce.
How does Dagwood not know about online comic strips and webtoons when this modern day version of him is literally on a computer at work everyday goofing off? Also wasn’t he the one that was featured in the strip perusing this very website?
MW: Okay, a new character. That’s promising. Maybe he’ll have a problem that doesn’t end up with him having a bland romance with and marrying one of the regular cast. Though who’s even left at this point? Wilbur?
Actually, that would be pretty hilarious. I’d forgive yet another old people romance plot if it involves this guy seducing Wilbur.
@astroboy: “Ginger McBurly looks a little old for Dawn.”
Too old for Dawn the sexual omnivore? Dawn has proved over and over again that an age difference is no barrier to romance.
Yvonne’s happy place is anywhere as long as they play “Muddy Boots”
@Strip4Comics: “How does Dagwood not know about online comic strips and webtoons when this modern day version of him is literally on a computer at work everyday goofing off?”
To be fair, Dagwood doesn’t seem to be implying that you can only find comics in newspapers; he’s just saying that he enjoys the comics in the paper, not that he isn’t reading online comics all days at work.
On second thought, why should we be fair to Dagwood? Snarking and misunderstanding him in order to snark even more is much more fun!
MW: Going out on a limb here, but I think we are heading into a Mary Worth sci/fi plot line. The new neighbor is obviously a clone of Joseph Stalin.
Hi and Lois Spanish to English.
Dick Tracy-“Enemies? There was that meddling bitch Mary Worth.”
GT- They’re already on the same page. They both hate his guts.
Blondie: Nothin’s more normie than having your comic strip peers (Maggie, Flo Capp), brandishing their favorite weapons (rolling pin, cast-iron frypan) because their hubbies just want to gamble and get drunk all the time.
MW: does burly stranger’s use of the word ma’am mean he’s retired military?
RMMD – “You idiot. The visualizations are just a distraction. The real reason you mellowed out is because of the magic mushrooms I slipped into your lunch.”
“See!? You can do this and still be a criminal! You don’t have to give up your dreams!”
LUANN – The best version of today’s strip and the “oh, Piro? Yeah, I took him parasailing” diversion is, of course, that Tara did not, actually, take anyone parasailing. Nor did she use parasailing as a cover to boink Piro. No, Tara mostly sits around in her efficiency apartment eating corn out of the can with a plastic fork. Later, she grabs a hammer and heads down to the dorm to play smash and grab with the vendos, before she hits the street for some “walking”. EXTREME walking. On the street. And that’s just what she’ll do!
@Guillermo el chiclero: Mud ate logic. He was hungry.
Blondie-“Look at the way Derwood’s boss beats him for being so incompetent.”
Are Dagwood and Blondie both reading the same newspaper? Am I to assume they bought two separate subscriptions just to read the same comics simultaneously without needing to share?
@Professor Well Actually: Nah. Texan.
@Ukulele Ike: well, okay.
They didn’t update Vintage Apartment 3-G today. However, I can give you Sunday’s strip.
Tuesday Squickies:
BG&SS: When the Doc bangs you, you holler some form of the name of the Lord.
Pluggers: Not only can a Plugger not see his penis anymore, he doesn’t even remember where he left it.
Blondie: “There’s only one thing that makes sense anymore. Put down your newspaper and let me see those tits.”
Rex Morgan – Everyone reading RMMD has the same expression as Buzzy, and we haven’t even been locked in a car trunk.
Speed Bump – It’s Carl the turtle!
6Chix – She wants to lug around heavy boots that won’t leave room for essentials in her suitcase. And she’s crying about it. Get help, Tuesday chick.
She could always take a larger suitcase, if those boots are so important.
Pluggers – Sigh. In the past 12 years I’ve lost an inch in height thanks to spinal surgery, and another inch or so just from ageing. Pants that used to be the right length are now too long.
Hi and Lois – What’s that old saying? If you don’t know which person in your office is the Dagwood, you’re the Dagwood.
6ix Chix: Life’s full of
difficulttrivial choices, isn’t it?Doesn’t someone from today’s Judge Parker remind you of Apartment 3-G’s Queen Bee?
@TheDiva: Pib: TL;DR: …
FYI Maude did a similar pithy synopsis yesterday when it was still hot off the presses.
So K.C Green has a new comic.
“God’s Hands”
I mean, (un)Funny Online Animals was more than enough.
Just because a guy creates a successful meme, doesn’t automatically make him talented or hilarious in everything he does.
@Pozzo: He’s short two Chittys and a Bang.
@The Rambling Otter:
This isn’t usually me.
I am usually not so harsh with my critiques. I mean, I usually try to be fair and open minded :)
(Unless it’s 9 Chickweed Lane, that deserves every insult it gets)
@Myrtle: Oh, them ain’t her wearin’ boots. Them are her talkin’ to boots.
@The Rambling Otter: @The Rambling Otter:
(Looking through its archives)
No, this comic is pretty terrible… I stand by what I originally said.
@103 Peanut Gallery:
If they be her Sassy Boots they be talking’ back.
@Professor Well Actually: not in Moy world.
MW: Many a time, Mary has acted as a garden variety cock-blocker. Today she steps up her game and blocks someone trying to perform some actual work.
The Lockhorns: Loretta’s latest scheme to kill off Leroy.
Pluggers: No, they cuff their jeans because the legs are still not the right length. Waist measurements are a separate issue.
SSmith: Don’t worry about Doc Pritchart’s jalopy, Snuffy. Given the nonexistent state of paved roads in Hootin’ Holler, it won’t be too long before the entire machine falls apart and he has to get around by donkey cart or whatever.
MW- “Ah! I couldn’t decide if the place smelled like old man or dog shit. I guess it’s both.”
C-Shaft: Well past strips have made it clear that actually getting dressed and putting on real shoes isn’t an option, even in a heavy thunderstorm.
GT: “What’s all this about pages, Ochoa? Is there supposed to be reading on this job? I wouldn’t have gotten involved if I knew about all the egghead stuff.”
MW: Mary’s new neighbor has had some rough going since Nintendo scrapped the idea of giving Mario and Luigi an Irish cousin, but he’s hoping to get back on his feet.
Phantom: They’ll never expect that a man might disregard the ancient wisdom of TLC and go chasing waterfalls.
Pibgorn: Okay, I got as far as “in the metaphorical sense…more heart than…” and then I passed out from cringe.
RMMD: Buzzy seems to be much more into the exercise than Rene is. He’s closing his eyes and picturing himself far away from these bearded morons.
Shoe: Okay, I have to admit this one made me laugh.
WofI: Hereditary monarchs run campaign ads?
@Lake+Neuron: My local newspaper used to publish daily, but a few years ago it went to three days a week (Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday). The paper still carries the comics, but it runs two days (three on Sunday) of strips at a time. Anyone who wants to see Monday’s comics has to wait till Tuesday, unless they read them online.
I’m annoyed that I can’t do the New York Times crossword every day.
@Sequitur: Thank you for that. I haven’t been reading the vintage strips because the seattlepi website is a pain in the butt. Yesterday I finally caught up with Apartment 3G and Vintage Judge Parker. I still have to catch up with Rip Kirby. I may drop Juliet Jones because it’s turned into a hate read.
I’m not sure if I like this story, mostly because I’m not a fan of the Professor. It’s time to move on to something else – as long as it isn’t Newton Figg (shudder).
@The Rambling Otter: Don’t be so hard on yourself! Harsh criticism of comic strips is what we’re here for.
Hating on comic strips is fine, as long as we’re civil to each other. (That’s in the guidelines.)
@109 Artist formerly known as Ben:
And then Doc will become Joel’s new sidekick.
@Philip: Love the idea of the Hootin’ Holler EV revolution. “Didja hear Doc Pritchart got himself a Tesla?” “Tesla? Ain’t that Barney Google’s ex-wife?” (Guffawing ensues)
Mary Worth: Open up that bag and a pack of rats pour out!
Daddy Daze-“Ba. Ba. Ba.” “No they’re not penises.”
@116 Liam:
Yes, they are.
@Sequitur:
This is going viral.
BLONDIE: Was that… was that the punchline? Talk about an unearned use of Daisy’s reaction shot.
LUANN: Oh look, Luann is just as much of a scumbag as Bernice, wanting to manipulate a troubled guy for her own ends under the guise of caring about his mental health. Bonus points for it being the same guy. Will she ghost him once she tires of him too, just like Bernice did?
@Professor Well Actually: “MW: does burly stranger’s use of the word ma’am mean he’s retired military?”
Combine that with his neatly trimmed hair and mustache, athletic build, and reference to having moved a lot, and military would be a reasonable guess. Only problem is, that would show a connection to ordinary reality that this strip doesn’t usually engage in.
@Rube: Great; Mary Worth is going to diagnose and treat PTSD. I’m sure this won’t be shameful in any way.
Up on the ridge line, Barlow waited, Snuffy’s face grossly enlarged in his telescopic sights. The doctor came along, right on time, his engine backfiring with predictable regularity. BANG went the engine. Barlow counted down, three, two, one, BANG went the engine, Barlow counted down, three, two, one, BANG went the engine and the rifle as one . . . – excerpt from Day o’ th’ Jack’l.
@Voshkod: Hey, the strip’s already dealt with handling PTSD. Own a dog! Dogs are good!
MW: “The Case of the Lustful Landlord”
Perry Mason walked briskly into his office and placed his briefcase on his desk, quickly withdrawing a sheaf of papers to review before that morning’s court session. No sooner had he settled into his chair to begin reading than he was interrupted by the arrival of his private confidential secretary from the outer office. Della Street favored Perry with a teasing smile.
“I hope you have room on your schedule to see a new client, Perry. This one just walked in–but the case should be interesting: sexual harrassment.”
“I’m sure it’s interesting, Della, but I have to review this brief before 10 a.m. Have the client make an appointment to see me tomorrow.”
Della moved closer to the desk and replied in a low voice. “Perry, the client is a burly man who looks like he could take out three men, with just one of his arms. I’ve never seen such muscles!” Then she smiled and added lightly, “He’s the one lodging the complaint, against a little old lady who he claims is his landlord!”
Perry looked up from his brief and favored Della with a grin. “Well, in that case, show him in. This should make a good story for Paul, at any rate!”
When the door opened again to admit the client, Perry saw at first glance that Della had not been exaggerating. This ginger-haired man was enormous, but not a bit flabby. No, he was fit–and clearly lifted weights, by the looks of his bulging muscles and the taut fit of his jeans. Perry leaned back in his chair as Della sat down with pad and pencil, ready to take notes. He smiled inquiringly. “What can I do for you, Mr….?”
“Corky Cameron. Corky’s short for Cormac. My friends call me Waldo.” The beefy visitor eased into the guest chair facing Perry’s desk. “Look, I just want the harassment to stop. What can you do for ME?”
“Why don’t you explain the situation?” Perry invited.
“Sure. The old bat won’t leave me alone.”
“‘Old bat’ did you say?”
“The landlady. She laid eyes on me and the next thing I know she’s all over me, introducing herself and inviting herself into my apartment so she can check out my stuff, and asking me to come see her anytime if I “need” something, and ‘come to the pool party’ she’s organizing to introduce me to the other residents.”
“That just seems like welcoming behavior, Mr. Cameron. I don’t see where harassment comes into this.”
“Listen, I wondered if getting a condo where my brother Ian lives was a good idea, because he and I don’t really get along that great. I figured if I just lived on a different floor in Building A, it would be all right. But the old bat is good friends with Ian and his promiscuous wife, and I’ve heard enough about her to know that she’s a frustrated old biddy who needs to get into everyone’s business. I don’t want her getting into MINE, okay? I figure if I slap her with sexual harassment I can nip it in the bud.”
“I’m not sure I can help you, Mr. Cameron. There’s no proof that she’s done anything wrong.”
“Well, she couldn’t take her eyes off my muscles, that’s for sure. And she kept following me around as I tried to move in. Never offered to carry anything, just got in my way. Then she saw my guitar and wondered if I was any good with a G-string.”
“Excuse me, how old did you say she was?”
“I don’t know for sure, but by the white hair, purple cowl-necked top, and boobs flapping around her belly button, I’d say she’s on the shady side of 65. Too old for me, that’s for damned sure. But I know her type. Widow, lives alone, has no pets, presses food on people, gets into their business, looks for something on the side. Well, I’m no side dish.”
“What did you say her name is?”
“Mary. Mary Worth.”
Perry started in his chair and said to Della. “Mary Worth again. Better call Paul.”
Scratchy will thank me for this heartwarming story of a widow in her 80s who embarked on a porn career, after she was given the promise that she only would have to perform with much younger men. You’ll find her name in the story and, if you’re brave enough, you can do an online image search with the censor feature turned off; you’re on your own for that. Maybe there’s video out there for free, I wouldn’t know. Oh, and spoiler alert, she is not skinny, which may be a plus for many viewers.
@jroggs:
“Pet Crap” would be a good title for an album of Beach Boys outtakes.
@Pozzo:
Doc Pritchart and his amazing flying car (which no doubt runs on ‘shine).
_____________________________________
My favorite Troy McClure movie! co-starring Terry Thomas as Snuffy Smith.
@Sequitur: I tried to read it but for some reason my eyes just kept going back to the first panel.
Blondie: So everyone’s already done the whole “the comics absolutely do not make sense and we’ve been pointing this out for years” bit, right? Thought so. Man, posting in the evening BST really does mean all the good snark’s already been taken sometimes.
DT: I can never see the “Did the victim have any enemies?” “No, nobody could have wanted to hurt them” trope without thinking of the Discworld Watch novels, where they have multiple riffs on it like “Yes, somebody blew a hole in his chest, but apart from that, did he have any enemies?”
FC: No, Billy, when you’re in eighth grade, you’ll know all you’ll ever know, which isn’t quite the same thing. In fact, you’re probably there already!
MT: Honestly, the fact that Violet’s first thought on getting angry notes about environmentalism is “That sounds like something Cherry would do”, suggesting Jules hasn’t forgotten this was their relationship until maybe two weeks ago, just makes the fact it suddenly isn’t even more baffling.
MW: You might want to wait for more evidence before reaching that conclusion, newbie.
Phantom: I was going to say that the blond beard suggests it’s Kit, somehow already in his Craggy Mountain Man persona years before this would have happened in the timeline where it had any reason to happen. But then I realised that this assumes anybody bothered telling the colourist who it was, and they then remembered what he looked like. Given past experiences with comic strip colouring, I’m not sure that’s a safe assumption.
Peanuts: Hm. I’m not sure about this riff on “Peppermint Patty thinks Snoopy is a funny-looking kid with a big nose, and for some reason nobody corrects her”, which I think makes her look particularly dim. Even Billy Keane probably knows what an obedience school is!
RMMD: Shoutout to Buzz there, thinking “This is what happens when I take clients who were rejected by freakin’ Buck.”
SH: Maybe I’m a naive fool, but I like to think that, if the UN had actually requested delegates from Atlantis or whatever, and those delegates had turned out to be sentient, talking lobsters, the UN would not have immediately thought “But lobsters are food! We must plunge them into boiling water and then devour them!” which I think is what we’re being led to believe happened here.
Or maybe normal people can’t hear animal talk in this universe (I don’t know if that’s been clearly established), in which case I guess the joke is “the undersea society is run by idiots”.
MT: “Sincerely, the Kudzu Crusader” This has to be the goat from the Sunday strip, right? Good job, Sid!
Six Chex and a Cat Named Marlo: The pilot episode to “That Depressed Girl”
Peanuts-Wait until Peppermint Patty finds out this isn’t the discipline she is looking for her. Although there will be walking around dog leashes.
@KMD: #30
If only Daisy could talk…oh, the stories she’d tell… *WOOF!*
@Sequitur: Thank you. Wow.
@The Rambling Otter: Hey, you’re entitled. And I say that as a Mudge who just yesterday called for a giant flaming meteorite to destroy CRANKSHAFT. I think it was yesterday. It has happened before:-).
@I speak Jive: re NYT crossword: They are easily accessed at the Seattle Times site, along with other puzzles. It’s not the current day, but from a month or two ago. However they are still new to me. Each puzzle remains up for a week, so I go a couple of times a week and print out several at a time.
I stopped getting my local printed paper about five years ago when the cost became exorbitant for little content, and their website doesn’t have much more. I was already reading comics online, and I can still read the obituaries without going to the actual newspaper site. Although most people don’t bother publishing obits there anymore. A neighbor died last month and I learned about it from my daughter (a thousand miles away) who saw it on Facebook.
Blondie-Page three.
Snuffy Smith-It’s the 21st Century the doctor should get a new car like an Edsel or a Pinto.
@138 Liam:
Or a WWII jeep. It’s higher off the ground.
In the 1960’s a friend of mine bought a new WWII jeep for 50 bucks. However, assembly was required. No problem for him. That jeep ran forever.
@Alter Ego: I know, right?
Having only read Apt3G since Josh began covering it in the Aughts, by which time the Girls were thoroughly unsexed, I am shocked — shocked — to learn the 1970s-era provided fanservice.
Cuffed jeans? Bad news folks, 80s kids are now Pluggers
@Rube: I can’t wait for him to see Wilbur looking like a slob as usual. He’ll storm up to Wilbur and yell, “Non regulation uniform! Drop and give me twenty-five!”
Mary will inform him that MREs are Muffins Ready to Eat.
@Arabella: Thanks for the information. I also know that I could subscribe to the New York Times and get the puzzle published that day. Other newspapers are five weeks behind.
I figure that, since we’re paying for the local paper, I may as well just do the puzzle when it comes. However, for years I did the puzzle every day, and I miss that.
@Horace Broon:
On Peanuts : this storyline is actually set AFTER Peppermint Patty has finally realised Snoopy is a dog, IIRC.
If you think Patty is being portrayed as particularly stupid NOW, wait until the full week of her ATTENDING the school while being incapable of realising anything is ‘wrong’. Or the full week of her showing off her diploma before Marcie(?)/her teacher tells her it doesn’t count as HUMAN education.
…She does kick Snoopy’s ass for ‘tricking’ her, though.
Mary’s Worst : “Do you have a method to remove old man stink from an apartment?” “Well,yes I do,but it involves cheap booze and a steep hill.”
“Roads?!? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.” “Aw, Doc, Hootin Hollow AGAIN? What is it with you and that town?”
@Rube:
@Professor Well Actually: “MW: does burly stranger’s use of the word ma’am mean he’s retired military?”
___________
Either that or he’s Adam.
@Everybody Posts, Nobody Reads:
FYI Maude did a similar pithy synopsis yesterday when it was still hot off the presses.
_______________________
Who can keep up with Bea Arthur?
@Anonymous:
On Peanuts : this storyline is actually set AFTER Peppermint Patty has finally realised Snoopy is a dog, IIRC.
_________________
Did they do a whole arc where they show her realizing it, or did they just have her acknowledge his canine-ness in a throw away panel without explaining how?
@147 Garrison Skunk:
David Letterman announcer: “Bea Arthur. Actress and comedian on stage and television. Best known for her roles as Maude Finley in Maude and Dorothy Zbornek in The Golden Girls. Where is she today?
Biff Henderson: “She’s daid.”
@Garrison Skunk: According to the Peanuts Wiki;
Peppermint Patty can be dimwitted; until March 21, 1974, she did not realize that Snoopy was a dog. Her realization came during a period when she refused to go to school and instead attempted to stay with Snoopy. During a scuffle with Marcie, Snoopy’s doghouse (which she thinks is a “guest cottage”) is destroyed, and Marcie finally convinces her friend that Snoopy is a beagle, not a “funny looking kid with a big nose.”
@Rube: Peppermint Patty is dimwitted. Charlie Brown is depressive. Lucy is megalomaniacal and has anger-management issues. Schroeder is monomaniacal. Pigpen is neglected, Linus is insecure and suffers from hallucinations, Marcie is submissive, and Snoopy is just flat out insane. And this was meant for kids.
An afternoon with Jeffy from Family Circus.
@151 Voshkod:
I’m not so sure it was.
@Sequitur: DId Radar O’Reilly mail it home 1 piece at a time?
@154 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
Where do you think O’Reilly Auto Parts got its start?
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: No, but the Soviet worker was stealing wheelbarrows.
@Voshkod: And Violet and Shermy were deeply embittered and hostile on account of their becoming the Barney Google to the other kids’ Snuffy Smith.
MW: I would ordinarily be hesitant to interrupt someone who is carrying a heavy load because I would figure that having hoisted the load into the air, the person would want to carry it to the appointed destination and set it down in minimal time. But maybe load-totin’ interruptions are not a problem for muscular Li’l Abred here.
@seismic-2: Not to mention the original Patty, who ended up in serious long-term therapy.
If there’s one thing this comments section has convinced me of, it’s that Mary Worth needs some new, eligible female characters. Because let’s face it, Moy isn’t going to do a Lynn Johnston and go all Brokeback Condo here.
Time to bring back trAshlee! And/or her frenemy, Shauna. Or, dare I even hope to dream it, ESME!
MW: The man hasn’t even moved into his new place and Mary is already meddling. Some would say that’s a terrible thing to do to a new neighbor. But she sees it as her fastest time from meeting to meddling.
RMMD: I’m on Team Buzz, and if I had the mad computer skilz, I’d steal this image of him and use it frequently. Also, I know that Mud should perhaps see a real shrink, but that’s no excuse for his head size in Panel One.
@astroboy: Hmmm. Interesting. I’m not entirely sure I agree. And MARY WORTH being what it is, I’ll be watching to see if Li’l Abred unpacks a collection of vintage Streisand albums or a set of kickass gourmet cookware.
@Poteet: Priorities. Before Mr. Muscles here can carry his carton of possessions into the apartment, Mary must first introduce herself as his new overlord and require him to eat the Muffin of Subservience.
@astroboy: #160: And let’s not leave out Fabiana the Columbian giantess, hopefully with a fat, little kid that looks a lot like Wilbur in tow.
@seismic-2: Bwahaha!
And then the mental images started to hit. *face of horror*
Late Thread Cuisine: This looks good until you find out what the secret ingredient is.
@166 Poteet:
Remember he has the Bag O’ Rats at the top of his box. If Mary gets out of control he’ll release them in his new digs and sue Mary and the ownership of Charterstone for allowing unclean and disease-addled conditions.
@Baja Gaijin: I haven’t looked at it yet, but I’m going to guess…people. It’s people.
@167 Baja Gaijin:
Gawrrr! Aspic! Aspic is a venomous serpent: same as asp, but used chiefly in poetry. But in this case is mingled in beef!
@95 I speak Jive: on Six Chix: Maybe she should wear her giant pumpkin head. She can fit into it everything that won’t fit in her carry-on bag.
@Baja Gaijin: Hmmm – globs of aspic around the beef, and it looks like fat (the white stuff) glopped on top. Yum.
What is the yellow stuff glued to the beef and covered in more aspic?
@Baja Gaijin: Wouldn’t that pumpkin head be rotting by now? She’s been carrying on about it for almost a year now.
SixCx: She’s carrying the pumpkin head as a fanny pack.
Halloween 3: Season of the Witch made me vow never to wear a pumpkin over my head.
@169 taig: Close.
@170 Sequitur: No aspic. Seriously.
@172 I speak Jive: No aspic. The white stuff is photo light shine on the, uh, secret ingredient. The yellow stuff is lean bacon strips.
@173 I speak Jive: She gets a new giant pumpkin head when pumpkin spice returns to America’s seasonal flavor palette.
@Baja Gaijin:
Is the secret ingredient SOAP?
Or making the fat in the meat become soap-like for reasons?
@178 Anonymous: No and no. Hint: A similar ingredient was in yesterthread’s Cuisine.
Sick Cheeks:
If I were she I would be more concerned about having already packed my nose.
@Baja Gaijin: We have at least the rest of the week coming in all pumpkin spice jokes from Between Friends. Canada is, as usual, 20 years behind. When the end of the world arrives I’m moving to Mammamattawa, Ontario. Happy Autumn!
OK, you’ve dragged it out of me. The secret ingredient in the Late Thread Cuisine is…[drum roll] 1 calf’s foot.
@182 Baja Gaijin:
I suppose that’s to give the recipe a bit of a kick.
@183 Sequitur: Oh, you!
luann oh oh looks like either luan is going to wind up breaking jacks heart trying to at last date pyro or finaly got some inspiration to write something for class that tara is not going to like. rmmd are you eyes closed rene good as mudd suddenly whips out his guitar and knocks out renee while buzz accepts and tells the room service dellievery person to call the cops the delivery person turns out to be nicky making his final apperance at last.
@Baja Gaijin: Oh, no! The poor, three-legged calf!
@186 Myrtle: Don’t be so melodramatic–the calf has all its legs; it’s just missing a foot.
@Baja Gaijin: If you don’t happen to have a calf’s foot lying around, can you just substitute Jell-O®? That’s basically the same thing, right?
@188 seismic-2:
Yeah, with Jell-O® you’ve got the hoof of the calf’s foot.
As the gentrification (Whiteification) of Brooklyn marches on, the number of butchers/groceries where I can find fresh calves foot or pigs foot is dwindling. Let alone tripe, kidneys, or neckbones. Soon they’ll be carrying nothing but boneless chicken breasts and pre-formed hamburger patties.
I’ve never cooked a foot myself, but I do love lamb and beef and veal shanks, which come from just above the foot.
@demoncat_4:
El Kabong
@188 seismic-2: Good question.
@189 Sequitur: Good answer.
@190 Ukulele Ike: Yesterthread’s Cuisine was sheep feet should you wish to try cooking a trotter or eight.
@taig: How often are you tempted?
@Poteet: so, I wasn’t the only one with that mental image… shudder.
@Myrtle: Oh, no! The poor, three-legged calf!
What do you mean, poor? That calf’s a hero! That calf saved my life! You don’t eat a calf like that all at once.
@Baja Gaijin: Oh dear god. No it doesn’t.
Blondie is right! The only thing that makes sense anymore are comics, most of which are decades old – in some cases over 100 years old – and have lived long past their creators! The early-to-mid 20th century just makes sense!
@Ukranazi Stepan: @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
Yep,and it didn’t cost him a dime. Johnny Cash neither.
Six Chix and a Cat Named Mickey: Chix just go to those things to see a mouse explode.