STOP THE MADNESS
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Dennis the Menace, 4/19/24
There’s been a disturbing trend lately of Dennis the Menace panels where Dennis doesn’t figure into the gag at all, even as an unseen presence, and instead it’s just Mr. and Mrs. Wilson going about their daily lives, and while I guess it might be a smart move to pander to the newspaper comics’ aging audience, frankly I’m not a fan. This could have been yet another George-and-Martha only installment, but instead it includes Dennis as a silent observer of Mr. Wilson’s petty gripe and his wife’s resulting discomfiture, which I think is a truly if subtly menacing move, so kudos.
Mary Worth, 4/19/24
Ha ha, what if Wilbur, to get a little measure of revenge against his ex’s young, hot new boyfriend, imagined his rival as a brutish ape? That would definitely be amusing and … oh no. Oh no. Look at his face, look at those drooping eyelids and little smile, he is definitely becoming aroused, abort abort abort
Pluggers, 4/19/24
No! No!!! I don’t care how cheap they are — a plugger would never purchase tofu, do you hear me? Never! Never!!!!
167 replies to “STOP THE MADNESS”
MW: Zak has pretty much been one of the few characters who have been nothing but cordial to Wilbur and giving him far more respect than he deserves. And Wilbur has rewarded that by mocking him repeatedly behind his back and imagining him as a gorilla.
Now who do you think Moy will portray as the sympathetic character, class?
Mary Worth Mashups: I thought Wilbur’s mind would wander somewhere else.
@Baja Gaijin: With how he was ogling those muscles earlier, the first one is way too fitting.
MW: Destroy this mad brute!
Luann: “A big meh. Forgettable. Unchanged since high school.” I fully agree, but for clarity, are we talking about Luann the character or Luann the comic strip?
DT: Close your eyes. Imagine that you’re a writer and you’ve been told to visualize a tense clandestine transaction between two hardened violent criminals. Take a moment and picture the scene in your mind. What is the setting? What are they wearing? What are they saying? What do you see? Now imagine the same scene, only this time you’re an extremely sheltered comics fanboy. What do you see now? Open your eyes.
Blondie: Not surprised Dagwood’s safe word is food related.
Today’s Blondie is baffling. Elmo just has to say a word? Doesn’t have to spell it? Or define it? Is he in pre-school? Or just ragingly stupid?
MW: “Zak and I have both been lifting weights, and we wanted to try something NEW…” Wilbur hears, suddenly lifted off his feet and raised high above the ground as Zak and Iris complete a series of overhead presses.
DtM: Dennis sees dead people.
Luann: Part of the rebranding will include a new strip name: Sterculinum Publicum (public manure pile).
(Thanks to today’s Monty)
JP: Henchman: “No weapons on this bound and gagged woman”
Petrov: “Probably no money either. Make sure to check her for explosives too.”
I can’t decide if this guy has idiots for henchmen or the best trained henchmen
Phantom: Kit: *gurk!* More like… dolt cutters! Amirite? *gasp!*
MW: Next week Wilbur joins a gym
JP: In English, when you’re switching between subjects or objects that use the same pronouns, it is necessary to make the distinctions between them clear. As a university-educated American who has been writing professionally in this language for decades, Francesco Marciuliano is surely familiar with this very basic grammatical convention. So while some might want to argue that the “she” in “Thinks she can still bargain” could be referring to April, I am going to have to ask you to not butcher this highly-experienced literary master’s vision with your arrogant rewriting of his work.
Pavel believes that Helena gagged and tied herself up and left herself on his driveway as a negotiating tactic. This is exactly what today’s strip is stating. And if you’ve been following this series for the past few years, you know that this direct interpretation is very plausibly intentional.
That’s probably today’s standout moment of insanity/ incompetence, but as usual there’s so much more. Yes, Pavel actually came outside to check the “package” despite the obvious dangers. Yes, Pavel has no reaction beyond mild irritation and wariness when finally getting the one thing he wants most. Yes, Helena’s gag is obstructing all of her airways, presumably to keep Pavel from wondering why she wasn’t calling for help with her famous deafening sneezes. Yes, Pavel’s henchmen apparently ignore dynamite sticks and C4 bricks when searching someone for weapons unless specifically told to watch out for explosives as well. And on and on and on. See you tomorrow for the next pile.
@Anonymous: Wow, DDG really does try to keep your privacy
FC: Dolly makes yet another trip to Pet Sematary.
“No, Billy! PJ doesn’t fit!”
@Anonymous: Honestly, if he did and stuck with it it would probably do him some good. If nothing else, it would give him less time to wallow in self-pity.
DtM: Mr. Wilson had to think fast to preempt Dennis, so Mrs. Wilson wouldn’t hear something like, “Remember last time you had corned beef hash, an’ you said, ‘more like corned barf hash.'”
MW: I suppose “Zak as an ape” is slightly more inventive than, say, “Zakula.”
Pluggers: A lot of Pluggers would declare that coupons have gone “woke” and burn them all in defiance of societal changes.
“I’ve had worse. From a C-ration on day four in Bastogne. I ate it cold because a flame would have have drawn snipers. So, yes, dear, I’ve had worse – but with better company.”
“even as unseen presence” should likely read as “even as an unseen presence”.
“frankly, I’m not fan” should likely read as “frankly, I’m not a fan”.
“as a brutish ape>” should likely read as “as a brutish ape?”
Pluggers: Tofu is dried bean curd!?!? That’s disgusting! All this time I’ve been eating it I thought it was just people.
@Baja Gaijin:
Definitely the first one.
DtM: Dennis as audience proxy, I’m uncomfortable and would rather not be a part of this scene.
Subtle menace factor high.
MW: Well, Wilbur’s finally lost it. Mary’s going to find him nude and trying to scale the nearest high rise to win back Iris and Estelle. She’ll have to shoot him down by throwing muffins. ‘Twas gluten killed the beast.
@taig: Personally, I’m disappointed Wilbur didn’t picture Zak as an Asian bovid instead. Then again, maybe he has to be drunk to remember Yak Boy.
Frazz: “Then she said, ‘I’m turning your dull-as-lead questions into gold, aren’t I?'”
Luann: Great, the Evanses have finally realized their lead character is a dud. Sadly, they actually won’t do anything about it.
CS: Too bad we’re not seeing the next panel where they’re all hurling their books at Dinkle.
JP: “Boss! She swallowed a nuclear bomb!” “Quick! To the refrigerator bunker!”
RxMD: I don’t know how many animal lovers read the strip, but I’m sure all week, we’ve been hearing the mantra “FIND THE FUCKING DOG AND GET HIM TO THE FUCKING VET!!! out there.
GA: Upcoming slam on absentee voting/voting by mail?
MW: Wilbur is offering us a glimpse of the future: one day millennials and zoomers will age into the Plugger demographic, beast men who actually would purchase tofu. Call them Grinders.
“A grinder will buy something just because he saw a discount code for it on TikTok.” [the ape man is thinking ‘I guess I could use an AI-powered meal kit subscription’]
“A grinder’s truck doesn’t get many miles to the gallon.” [the ape man is guzzling Prime drink on his bike wearing an Uber Eats box]
“Grinders still watch the evening news.” [the ape man is in bed at 2 AM watching a YouTuber explain how Taylor Swift lyrics reveal a cover up of the lost city of Atlantis]
MW: “Mary, all my women have left me! What should I do?”
“Wilbur, the key to happiness is to accept what you cannot change and just make the best from a bad situation. Have you heard about the ancient Japanese art of Netorare?”
MW: Brigman is at her best when she get hallucinatory. In a just world, we’d have a storyline in which Wilbur accidentally consumes a quarter ounce of mushrooms and watches the world melt around him.
DtM: Here I disagree with Josh: Irish cuisine is pretty menacing
MW: Never mind the Brutish Ape. Wilbur thinks Iris has a Vintage Judge Parker bustline.
DtM — As George and Martha Wilson awoke one morning from uneasy dreams they found themselves transformed in their bed into gigantic Lorkhorns. Menace level: literary and existential!
Dennis the Menace: George Wilson has had worse corned beef hash than the corned beef hash he’s having now? Woo-hoo! I’m cutting that one out and putting it up on my refrigerator!
MW: I, for one would be content to spend the next few days watching a suddenly pumped Wilbur rescuing Iris from Zak Kong.
Pibgorn: Oh, goody! It’s another new Pibgorn, this time featuring an attempt to make sure the “wedding” is pure, and Ledda going, “LAGLAGLAGLAGL!”
9CL: Here we see Brooke’s attempt to tackle the Church’s sex crimes. It’s not going well.
Translate is via Finnish.
“I just saw Father Durley staring like a calf at the window of your apartment. You’d better warn him.”
“I did as you said, sister. I hope I wasn’t too harsh.”
“What did you say?”
“Very…”
“Yes, but did you actually use the words?”
“I …..cleared my throat.”
MW: Wilbur enjoys a moment imagining Iris as his sexual surrogate.
Luann: Why do I get the feeling this part of the story was originally supposed to have Bernice be the center of Bets N’ Tiff (which has the same ring as Bets ‘N Gun which is to say none at all) and their moronic babbling but then the Evansii remembered ‘hey, we have a title character who actually hasn’t been the central character in the past several arcs!’
RMMD: Yes, the dog ate the whole pan of brownies and has crawled off somewhere where you’ll never find her to die of chocolate poisoning like we’ve been told ever since we were children (seriously, I was told point blank that chocolate kills dogs as a kid in flippin’ 1993). CAN WE MOVE THIS ALONG, PEOPLE???!!!!
MW:. As I remember, Zac is Iris’s hot new HUSBAND. Verdad?
PLUGGERS:. Some of us buy weird items not just because we have a coupon, but also buy them again next time we’re in store to thank the vendor. Both packages sit on shelf for years past expiry date.
DtM: It’s hard to tell with these kind of illustrations, but that looks a lot more like beans to me? Maybe the real punchline is “George humours his wife’s increasing dementia”
MW: Man, I hope Wilbur goes into a whole intricate Island of Dr Munroe-style fantasy in his head, with the whole cast of Mary Worth transformed into crazy animal hybrids. When he finally comes to, he’s still standing in the same spot in the park, completely alone, in darkness.
Pluggers: I dunno, this feels like one of those ” Tap a slice of buttered toast to the back of a cat” kind of situations. I think if you actual gave a plugger a coupon for tofu, he might spin around so fast that time would fold back on itself.
Zits: This implies that Connie checks up on Hector and Sara when they’re doing schoolwork. Kinda weird.
FC: Looks like Dolly had to raid Mommy’s medicine cabinet, so she load Kittycat up with ‘ludes.
@Activist 1234: That is correct. Josh was having a day, evidently.
DtM – It looks like shit. And I mean literally – it looks like shit….
MW – Don’t you go infringing on Alley Oop’s intellectual property! I knew Alley Oop – I worked with Alley Oop, and you sir, are no Alley Oop….
Pluggers – Pluggers still argue with self-service checkout ‘bots over their expired coupon for Pizza Spins (TM) and that it should be doubled cuz it’s Tuesday, and where are you hiding the Pizza Spins (TM), anyway….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Baja Gaijin: I laughed at #1, but I like the second option the best.
MW: “We wanted to try something new! After all, we’re still only three-quarters of the way through the Kama Sutra!!!”
MW: Does Wilbur think Zak is guilty of breaking Belgium’s neutrality?
What’s the deal? I posted early about Candorville, Lola, and a couple others but my insightful comments have disappeared!
JP:. I presume Helena’s idea is to let Pavel credit both Sam and April with her delivery to his estate, thus be freeing both.
@Ettorre: Let me have a pull off your water bottle, Hun….
@Little Guy:
I read that as “British”
Now I’m just picturing Zak talking with a soft pleasant English accent. Which would probably infuriate Wilbur even more. Because English accents can be seen as sexy by many.
DtM: The Wilson’s have a secret code for discussing their sex lives in front of other people, and you’ll never guess the phrase for Mrs. Wilson’s vagina.
@Activist 1234: You probably used one of the “forbidden” words: t0rture, any word containing “c1alis” (like spec1alist), and a couple more I can’t remember off the top of my head.
Ya know, maybe I give MW too much crap. Like Nabokov in Lolita or Salinger in Cather in the Rye, the exploration of a deeply unpleasant character is a valid artist pursuit, even if doing it too well can be really hard to take.
In this case we have a deeply inadequate man imagining his ‘rival’ as an ape to avoid admitting to himself that he’s objectively inferior to this dude physically and, if we’re being honest, in every other way as well. I’m disgusted and sad. Mission achomplished.
Chix (sic): Sheesh! Patrinos acts like she’s the only person to ever have bedbugs.
If the Evansii had any mercy or imagination, they would conclude the strip at the end of this storyline, by ripping off, I mean paying homage to Grant Morrison’s final Animal Man issue. Luann could demand answers from her creators as why they didn’t bother endowing her with any real personality or purpose.
@JP: I’ve been noticing these types of things more and more recently.
Dennis the Menace: George “accidentally” mistaking the corned beef Martha prepared as “the corned beef on Martha’s plate” and noshing accordingly = a far higher menace level than we’ve seen from Dennis in a while.
RMMD-“Oh no! I am having serious thought. It makes my head hurt.”
MW-“Heh. Heh. Monkey.”
Good on the Wilsons for practising portion control. It may not be the best corned beef hash, but a small serving on a desert plate means they don’t need to suffer through it for long.
***
Mr. Wilson probably thinks of himself as a no BS kinda guy, but his inability to take the feelings of other people into consideration explains why his only friend is a sociopathic child who says anything that comes to mind. One of these days he’s going to realize his hatred of Dennis is mostly just a reflection of his own self-loathing.
Mary Worth: Is…is Zak a subtle shade of purple? Are we dealing with a grape ape kind of situation here?
@taig: Names of banned posters will do it, too, and at least of of those is a pretty common first name (Lee ….Oswald)
Given the absurd distribution of submissions, I motion to rename Pluggers to Pennsylvanians, possibly Pennsyltuckians.
RMMD: The way Michael talks with his hands shouldn’t he be saying “Mama Mia!” in the last panel?
@Tonio: Oh wow, I can scarcely imagine how banal that conversation would be.
JP: “No money or weapons, sir….Wait! What’s this big fuse sticking out of her head!?”
@2 Baja Gaijin:
Well, you proved me wrong. @Y191 Sequitur
Well done.
@Activist 1234:
Es verdad. And Zak debuted in November, 2016, so no es nuevo either.
@62 Sequitur: After I had some time to think about it, I realized maybe there could be good alternative final panels. Which did you like best?
@Baja Gaijin: Definitely the first one.
MW – “… So our new workout is lowering weights. And as soon as we get good at that, we’re going to try combining the two!”
DtM – Because Dennis is there, the Wilsons are speaking in code. “Corned beef hash” refers something else completely.
@jroggs: Maybe Yak Boy will be Wilbur’s superhero persona.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!”
“That was beautifully done, sir! I’ve been working in restaurants my whole life”
“And yet this is the first time I’ve heard that old classic… A fly in your soup indeed!”
“I won’t ruin this moment by using any of those tired old punchlines!”
@64 Baja Gaijin:
I like how you inserted today’s Curtis strip in one.
BF: We’ve had a week of Friend-Who-Doesn’t-Write-So-Good contemplating penning her memoirs, and bending Blonde Friend’s ear about it. Meanwhile, Slut Friend has been getting her ass pounded by a large Frenchman for the last five days. It was nice of Bell-Lundy to allow them a little privacy.
@71 Sequitur: Thanks. Today’s Curtis seemed somehow appropriate for Wilbur.
MW – This had better not awaken anything in me…okay, good, it didn’t.
DtM – Is there a joke here? I’m not sure there is. Anyhow, I’ll just note that if you haven’t heard the two-part Behind the Bastards podcast about Hank Ketcham…it’s probably worth a listen, mainly because it turns out Ketcham was kind of horrible and also Dennis Ketcham ended up serving in Vietnam. I didn’t say it was a fun listen.
MW: I just wish Wilbur could get that monkey off his back.
DtM – Look, I love corned beef hash. Love. But the spectrum between the best corned beef hash and the worst corned beef hash is tiny. It all has that Alpo-esque quality to it that makes you question your sanity.
@Baja Gaijin:
I laughed harder at the Curtis/mayonnaise one than I’ve ever laughed at *any* newpaper comic strip, Mary Worth, Beetle Bailey, Zippy the Pinhead, Curtis, Wee Pals, you name it!
100% chance that Wilbur takes a sip.
Zach is rich, successful, handsome, Wilbur is none of those things, but by golly he put Zach in his place in his imagination in which Zach is an ape… and Iris still chooses dating him over Wilbur. That’ll show ’em.
Lio-RUN! The Keanes have escaped the Circle!
The For Better or For Worse re-runs just killed off Farley, who died saving the family’s daughter from her own stupidity. And now Rex Morgan’s dog is endangered by his daughter leaving out a pan of chocolate brownies. Has anyone checked on Marmaduke lately?
Dennis the Menace – You see, this is the writer referencing their own work, Like corn beef hash, this is a mix of elements of several standards foods, but Martha’s hash, like the strip, is nothing special.
Mary Worth – We are dangerously close to Wilbur deciding that women like ape-like men, Googling Ape-Man seeking some illegal steroid that promises results, but accidentally falling down the Furry rabbit-hole (No pun intended) and emerging as a terrifying ape persona!
However, if this ends up being a King Kong storyline with Wilbur shot down from the tallest tower in Santa Royale, it will have been worth it.
Pluggers – Pluggers would buy tofu if it was marketed the right way. Despite being a urban elite media worker (by Pluggers standards) my tendency to look up mainstream history videos on YouTube exposes me to ads intended for a terrified small-town prepper types, so “dried bean curd” could be sold as an alternative to the globalist plan to make us eat bugs. In lieu of coupons there will be a savings code, but it still costs 5X more per pound than just buying a block of tofu from the small vegetarian section in Kroger.
Dennis the Menace-“I wouldn’t feed your corned beef hash to an Irishman.”
@W.D. Howells:
Marmaduke just killed a Little League team.
Libby’s > Mary Kitchen
Begun, the Corned Beef Wars have.
Hey guys, first the big news: my Twitter account is now designated as a major “enemy propaganda account” by Ukraine’s SBU (it’s down at No 66 on the list) which puts me in the August company of such luminaries as Medvedev, Putin’s official Twitter account, TASS, Margarita Simonyan of RT, the Russian Foreign Ministry, and Dmitry Polyansky, which is…a fairly gratifying reward and recognition after 12 years of drawing a comic strip.
Anyway, I’m thinking of a cameo featuring Weelbur Weston (on another trip for his “I shouldn’t be alive but I am” column) volunteering for the frontline in the unit commanded by Ukranazis Stepan and Andriy, so as to prove himself a “hero”. It’ll be a good way of humiliating him in ways Brigman and Moy can’t.
At the same time for obvious reasons I don’t want to run afoul of Comics Kingdom’s copyright laws. So what name do you think I can give Weelbur that absolutely will not result in a legal suit?
1. Weelbur Dawnsfather
2. Weelbur Easton
3. Abu Weelbur al Charterstoni.
4. Weelbur Fabianafucker
5. Something else?
@Peanut Gallery: MW – “… So our new workout is lowering weights…”
”In another six weeks, we hope to be floating above the ground.”
— Thanx and a tip o’ the hat to H.G. Wells; “The Truth About Pyecraft”
@Ukulele Ike:
I loved that story.
@astroboy:
Libby’s > Mary Kitchen
Begun, the Corned Beef Wars have.
I agree on this point. I don’t think you’re making waves with that statement.
@85 Ukranazi Stepan: I choose #3. Abu Weelbur al Charterstoni.
The dialogue in the Phantom today is exquisite. David Mamet, Edward Albee, Moliere, Shakespeare, and Sophocles have got nothing on “Glokkk…, glurk…” “Thump!”
Pluggers: Showing a plugger anything that could be described as health food is like showing a crucifix to Dracula.
CS: I imagine Stumpy Becky at the end of that line forcing everyone to buy Dinkle’s book at gunpoint.
CS: Those people waiting in line got to be high school band directors, right?
MW: If Mary Worth and Me ever comes back, I think we have our Panel of the Year in the Mary Worth Awards.
@83 Liam:
My gosh, you’re right!
@91 Guillermo el chiclero:
Another thing pluggers have in common with Dracula is that pluggers suck.
@Amateur:
I’m holding out for Yak on top of the Empire State Building with a tiny Iris in his paw, and Wilbur transformed into a helicopter with a Wilbur-face shooting at him.
DtM: Much like all cassette tapes left in a car for more than two weeks become Best of Queen albums (per the Pratchett-Gaiman Principle), any comic strip couple married for more than twenty years inevitably turns into the Lockhorns.
MW: Ape-Zak gazes down at Iris with soulful eyes. His large, hairy arms are no doubt imbued with the strength to crush a ribcage to powder, yet he holds Iris with extraordinary tenderness and delicacy. Meanwhile Iris looks at her monstrous suitor in wonder, marveling at how such savagery and such gentleness can be united in one remarkable whole. Wilbur’s such a perennial loser that even his self-gratifying fantasies end with the woman turning him down in favor of a Shape of Water-style monster-f***ing.
Blondie: Was there ever a time when it would have been unremarkable for a small child to go play at some neighbor’s house? Not with a neighbor kid, just hanging out with the adults? It would never have occurred to me to do this back in the 1970s. I’ve never seen this trope in any media, except in comic strips, where it’s common. Is it an extension of the onetime prevalence of kid sidekicks in superhero comics? Is Elmo meant to give kids a way to imagine themselves in Dagwood’s universe?
@MKay: Put me down for some of that action, especially if Wilbur is dressed in overalls and a little hat with a “W” on it, and proclaims “It’s-a me, Wilbur!” as he jumps over barrels tossed at him by Zac.
CS: This arc is actually a flashback to the infamous toilet paper shortage of 2020. That explains why the people in line look so miserable and why they’re buying Dinkle’s crummy book.
Luann: Is this going to end up with Luann wearing a ton of makeup, like a 14-year-old?
9CL: Is this a flashback on the priest-nun couple that already exists in this strip, or is Brooke just doing the same thing over again?
MW: I’m having a hard time deciding whether Wilbur or the dad from Dustin is the most unlikable character in newspaper comics.
Luann: “A big meh. Forgettable. Unchanged since high school.” You could say the same thing about this strip. Seriously, none of the characters have changed since their high school days.
@Tom T.: “ 9CL: Is this a flashback on the priest-nun couple that already exists in this strip, or is Brooke just doing the same thing over again?”
I was going to ask the same thing. I think this is the origin of the ex-Preist and ex-Nun who left the clergy to boink each other but are still practicing Catholics. They make up after every fight they have by making another baby, and we’re up to a dozen last I recall….
@Tom T.: Ah, what small boy, immersed in the comics section, has not imagined that he himself IS Elmo, reveling each day in the companionship and camaraderie of Dagwood Bumstead?
@JamesBont: Well, Tiff got fat. But she seems to have gotten better lately.
@Anonymous: #10
“MW: Next week Wilbur joins a gym”
The next day, Wilbur finds himself strangely drawn to the great ape exhibit at the zoo. He observes a pair of bonobos giving each other a “bonobo handshake” and considers that that may be the answer to all his problems romancing women. He notices a lovely lady approaching the exhibit and decides it is time to put his new knowledge to the test. It doesn’t go well for Wilbur, but it sure entertains the apes!
Pibgorn – the depiction of Pib as a mentally challenged thirteen year old with a oral fixation and a baby due any second is not encouraging me to learn more about these fascinating characters.
Back in the Day has been reading Baja‘s late thread recipes.
@105 Sequitur: I’m not so sure. There’s nothing floating around in the Jell-O nor anything festooned atop it, or both.
9CL: Because Catholic priests using their position and authority to commit sexual exploitation is a charming little quirk, and not a serious issue being swept under the rug at an institutional level.
C’shaft: I can’t believe that all these people bought Harry’s book, let alone want him to sign it. Maybe the line is for people to hit him with remaindered copies.
Dustin: Dustdad is a Horrible Hypocrite, Part 3,159,205.
JP: “This woman was used as bait for us once, but I don’t see any reason to think why that would happen again…”
Lio: Good for them! Maybe they can find asylum in a strip about ex-evangelicals.
Luann: How can you say Luann is mediocre and forgettable? She’s a great actr…oh wait, we’re not doing that anymore…she’s a wonderful teach…no, that kind of dropped off as well…she’s loves to wr….um, no….well, her name is above the strip, that must count for something, right?
MT: I don’t suppose there’s any chance this Artemis will turn someone into a stag and watch him get devoured by his own hounds, is there?
Phantom: Being strangled by a large chain adds thirty years, you know.
Pibgorn: Apparently the strip was stalled for so long because Brooke was trying to figure out how to best assuage his Catholic guilt. (“What if Brother Ut just backdated the marriage certificate? That would fool God, right?”)
RMMD: The lesson? Always eat the brownies right away–sure, you’ll scald your tongue, but you’ll save your dog’s life!
@106 Baja Gaijin:
They’re concentrating on the WORST PART!
Mannequin On The Moon: Nice brush off.
@jroggs: April certainly tied her and gagged her, but she was acting only as Helena’s agent when doing so, so in a hyperliteral legal sense, Helena bound and gagged herself, April being only the instrument of Helena’s will.
Now the real question is “what’s their safe word?”
@Baja Gaijin: Well, well, BG – it looks like The Ladies have been spying on your crowd-pleasing mashups and decided to get in on the action heh heh heh. I guess I shoulda warned you that they called earlier this week to see if I had any Blond Apes available. Unfortunately the closest thing we had was an Orangutan and they said they needed something larger. So I don’t know where they got that talent – but apparently size matters.
RMMD: Folks, we can look forward to some
gut-heart-wrenching Dog-in-Peril scenes in the days to come! Notice how they are creating dramatic tension with their skillful pacing and characterization! I know Candy is gonna knock it outta the park with her, uh, gastro-intestinal distress! Of course she’s not one of our clients, but I think she represents All Dogs Who Live With Stupid People…@TheDiva:
Lio-Sadly they end up in ‘Mary Worth’.
MW: Y’know, though, June Brigman is the kind of artist who draws all men as being pretty muscular (hell, just look at how defined Wilbur‘s arms are), so Zak doesn’t really stand out as being especially buff.
Yaffle:
Oddly enough, this is the same thing Wilbur thinks when he enters a bar.”
@Tom T.: (Luann) Didn’t she already do that? I don’t feel like slogging through the strips to find out, but I feel like she’s done the makeup thing recently.
MW: Get your hands off of her you damn dirty ape!
Rex Morgan – “I think Candy got to ’em.” Wait! Don’t jump to conclusions. There are other possibilities. A random, starving stranger could have broken in and eaten them in a frenzy. Aliens could have beamed down and took them as samples of earthling riches. A troop of Civil War reenactors could have marched through and took them as part of their confiscation of the enemy’s food supply. Why don’t you spend the next two weeks blathering about it? It was so interesting when Andrzej blathered about his boot.
Frazz – Mrs. Olsen missed an opportunity to assign the little asshole a ten page research paper on the question, due tomorrow.
The other kids look like they’re thinking, “Doesn’t that jerk ever shut up?”
Ripley’s – Nice!
Far Side – The last one is a companion to yesterday’s Gearhead Gertie’s blender.
FC – “Our vet’rinarian gave the baby carriage to me. He said he didn’t need it any more since he made Pierre and Odin sleep all the time!”
Perry Bible Fellowship – If you want to see dinosaurs boinking, here’s you chance.
@Baja Gaijin: I like the second one. The thought of that makes me want to barf, but I bet Wilbur would drink it in one gulp.
@Charterstoned: Better yet, Zak and Iris pick Wilbur up and toss him back and forth to each other.
@Rube: Thank you for explaining that. Some time ago I made a reference to the guy the Warren Commission blamed, and the comment disappeared. It didn’t occur to me that his middle name was the same as someone who was banned here.
@118 I speak Jive: on Far Side
I was able to copy the picture but not the caption. The caption reads,
@Activist 1234: but my insightful comments have disappeared!
Aim for ‘trenchant’ next time.
@Tom T.: I was a small child in the early 1950s, and I frequently went to my next door neighbor’s house to visit. The wife was a war bride from Germany, and she had young children that were still living with her parents there. She was always welcoming to me, and now I think that it did help her to be around children here. She had a toy hedgehog that I really liked.
@JamesBont: Re MW – The most unlikable character in the comics is Harry Dinkle, at least in my opinion. It’s not even close.
@Sequitur: Thanks!
@Baja Gaijin: Curtis and mayo, but Curtis is far too nice a kid to be subject to Weelbur. The Wrecks Moregone brats are more deserving.
Pluggers checks out for me. “I might need some new dried bean curd. The stuff I have is what, fifteen or sixteen years old?” He probably has a ton of supplies he’ll never use just in case, some of it probably left over from the Y2K scare.
@taig:
taig, thanks for verboten words and letters. “Doctor referred me to a speclalist.”
@Ukranazi Stepan:
#85. US:. It’s parody. You can get by with morder if you call it parody
The plugger has no idea that “dried bean curd” is the same thing as tofu.
DT: Protip: If you’re a criminal buying a copy of a comic that contains clues to the location of hidden treasure from (presumably) another criminal, always check the provenence before purchase. But maybe don’t announce the presence of the clues right in front of him, because he might jack up the price, or even decide he wants to find the treasure himself!
JP: Quick reminder: When he mentions money, Pavel is referring to the fact that Helena “wiped out one of [his] largest accounts” (somehow) and he expects April to repay this along with delivering Helena. Apparently, he also expected Helena to be carrying the money in, like, $5,000 dollar bills.
OBH: No, Ruthie, Dennis Mitchell innocently repeats things his elders have said about their peers in front of said peers. Your thing is weird loopy logic that kind of makes sense! And it’s actually entertaining, unlike the Dennis Mitchell thing, so maybe stick to it?
Peanuts Begins: Huh, last year, when it went right back to the beginning, one of the things I thought was “I must watch out for the first appearance of the zig-zag shirt”. Apparently it was back in January, and I never registered it, because of course Charlie Brown is wearing a zig-zag shirt.
RMMD: Beatty tries to give the not-twins distinct personalities, going for the always reliable “left brain/right brain” duo. So one of them reacts to learning their dog ate chocolate by analysing how it could have happened, and the other responds by clutching his head in panic. It’s a bit broad, but keep this up and one day I might even remember what their names are and which one’s adopted.
Hopefully, Baja doesn’t follow the Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal webcomic. Today’s is very scary.
@Ukranazi Stepan: I’ve read your webcomic occasionally and seen some of your comments. I have always understood your political position to be deeply anti-Ukraine. Here, for example, you refer to the Ukrainians as the “Nazi puppets” of the United States.
Gee, I wonder why Ukraine would put someone like you on list of someone spreading Russian Propaganda? It’s a real mystery.
@130 taig:
I hate it when that happens.
@129 Horace Broon: on OBH
You’re looking at the GoComics OBH and those are old reruns. That one came out on 21 Feb 2009. I think Ruthie’s learned her lesson about doing that.
If you want to see the current OBH go here.
@brendancalling: Drop the fucking politics.
@brendancalling: At least be more subtle about them than “Ukranazi” Stepan.
MW – Tomorrow, Wilbur walks off shaking his head while Zak and Iris tenderly pluck insects off each other – and eat them.
PLUGGERS: Calm down, Josh. It’s the thought balloon that is wrong. Dogman is purchasing dried bean curd for the new neighbor who just bought the small house across the street and who brought him a plate of home-made cookies as she was introducing herself to the neighborhood. He saw a Nature Conservancy bumper sticker on her car and figured she must be the kind of person who would enjoy dried bean curd. Anyway, it’s not like he bakes himself, and also, he has this coupon.
@137 Poteet:
I’m not saying they aren’t out there but I, personally, have never seen a coupon for dried bean curd. I’m certainly not looking for one.
But another thought just occurred to me. Baja Gaijin‘s gonna put out a recipe for dried bean curd later this afternoon, isn’t he. I think I’ll shudder in advance.
@Sequitur: I hope it has olive eyes!
@139 taig:
Dried bean curd in a gelatin mold with shrimp cavorting on top.
@Horace Broon: RMMD: they have names?
In Mary Worth it certainly helps not only that “Zak” (sic) is drawn to look reasonably stupid in the first panel, not to mention his generally demeanor is that of a dimwit, so it’s not like Wilbur’s mental image is made out of pure spite, there’s a basis in reality.
@Sequitur:
#137. PLUGGERS:. my early Plugger comment disappeared so let it be known, we Pluggers not only buy weird food because we have a coupon, we buy it again the next time we’re in the store to thank grocer for honoring our coupon.
Both packages will sit on shelf until expiration date. Unless a new neighbor would like it, then it’s that housewarming gift.
PHANTOM:. As we discussed Senior and Devil are hidden, watching on so KJ learns to take care of himself. Afterwards, he says “Keep your tights, Dad, I don’t want to grow as hardhearted as you.”.
The name I forgot is the son of Babudan, who would make an incredible #22 if his village can afford to lose his full-time skills as scout, tracker, warrior.
MW: For most of us that thought balloon image might be the result of a late night, chemically-enhanced viewing of Planet of the Apes. For Wilbur it probably means he’s having a stroke.
Pluggers: The Plugger thinks he has a coupon but he accidentally grabbed one of his nephew’s Magic: The Gathering cards.
C-Shaft: Anyone just entering the book expo now can easily find the line for Harry Dinkle’s signing by the air of deflated resignation emanating from everyone in it.
DT: Croptop’s biker book dealer doesn’t have a lot of time for chitchat. He has to get back to Jack Webb’s dreamscape before sundown.
Dustin: If I’m not mistaken Dustmom is a radio host, so if her predecessor runs long it should be obvious to everyone. Just as obvious as it is that her husband is…what he is.
GT: This is generally how things go with Milford sports, which is the primary non-Sapphic reason that Mimi left.
OTF: Holbrook might think he’s showing HR departments at their best but he is not and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
Phantom: Glad the THUMP! Effect is there to let us know that Kit Jr. actually hit his assailant in the head and isn’t just pulling his hair with the bolt cutters.
Pibgorn: Is Pibby turning into a lizard in the middle of her wedding? Please say yes.
Shoe: Then Biz reminds Roz that since they’re birds when he says “the bathroom” what he means is the airspace over some guy’s immaculately preserved, just-waxed Series 62 Caddy and the two of them laugh and laugh…
Late Thread Cuisine: In honor of Wilbur’s thoughtbubbling.
@Baja Gaijin: ICBING
(I can’t believe it’s not gelatinized)
@Baja Gaijin: Cuisine – Omit the bananas and apples, and I’d eat that.
On second thought, I’d eat the apples, too.
From the way the bacon is wrapped around those bananas, I think it wouldn’t cook thoroughly when it’s broiled. Undercooked bacon is awful.
That dish looks really weird, but I think it wouldn’t be bad. I don’t like bananas, but apples with brown sugar and cinnamon sounds good. And (well done, crisp) bacon is always welcome.
@146 Baja Gaijin:
The bacon has no business being there but the rest might be okay.
@Baja Gaijin: I knew bananas would be involved somehow. (Just occurred to me that if Wilbur tried to become more apelike, he’d turn into Homer Simpsom but somehow suckier.)
@150 Artist formerly known as Ben:
Homer: “Ooooh, look Marge. I’ve turned into Wilbur.”
Marge: “Aaargh!”
@147 taig: I looked at a few jiggly recipes. I just couldn’t pick one.
@148 I speak Jive and @149 Sequitur: You two need to get together on this dish; Jive gets the bacon, Sequitur gets the rest.
@pachoo: #125:
“some of it probably left over from the Y2K scare”
Knowing the typical plugger he probably has some of his dad’s leftover doomsday supplies from the Cuban Missile Crisis.
@146 Baja Gaijin: You know, in all my *cough* years of life, it never once occurred to me that it was even possible to broil a banana, but apparently it is. Of course, just because something can be done is insufficient reason for actually doing it, much less consuming the results. Tomorrow – bacon-wrapped poached ground glass! After all – it’s possible!
Pluggers: Pluggers are cheap # 6397.
@154 seismic-2: Did you know it’s possible to bake a banana?
@156 Baja Gaijin: That… looks like something out of an art film that I would go clear across town to avoid seeing.
@157 seismic-2: It’s only bananas wrapped in boiled ham slices topped with…oh.
@Baja Gaijin: Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean….
@seismic-2: Doesn’t the famous N’Awlins Creole dessert Bananas Foster include broiled bananas? Too lazy to look it up.
@Poteet: If tofu is “dried bean curd,” howcum it’s always sold in tubs of water, eh, smart guys? (I think seitan might be dried bean curd, it’s always shinkwrapped in the refrigerated case)
@156 Baja Gaijin:
Uh, oh. Someone is catering pluggers.
@Ukulele Ike: Bananas Foster is usually cooked in a skillet. It’s fairly simple and absolutely delish. Here’s my favorite recipe for 2 servings:
Slice 2 bananas lengthwise, then crosswise, into large pieces.
Coat banana slices with a little lemon juice.
In a skillet over medium heat, melt 2.5 Tb butter and 1/3 cup brown sugar.
Add bananas.
Cook at a gently bubbling level for 3.5 minutes, turning bananas over halfway through.
Remove from heat.
Sprinkle with cinnamon.
Serve over vanilla ice cream.
The original recipe called for the addition of 1 Tb banana liqueur at the end, plus some rum which you’re supposed to light on fire, but that was too much trouble for me and it’s great without it.
@161 Peanut Gallery:
Sounds like monkey shines to me.
@Sequitur: I’ve only had it in restaurants but it’s fantastic, believe me. PG’s recipe sounds authentic, try it. (I would def add the rum at the end)
@161 Peanut Gallery: Next time you make it, before you photograph it, stage it with some shrimp with big black eyeballs. Make ’em appear to be emerging from the bananas. It’ll be perfect for a Late Thread Cuisine.
@163 Ukulele Ike:
It is probably great but rum is the only alcoholic beverage that makes me physically sick.
@164 Baja Gaijin:
And don’t forget to encase it in gelatin.
I dunno … when did tofu actually first make a splash in the US, the 1970s? Plugger-wise, it checks out.