Wednesday quickies
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Blondie, 6/12/24
Hmm, you’re saying that every time Dithers is in a room with Dagwood, his strength is being sapped by powerful Bumstead Radiation? No wonder he’s so cranky whenever they interact! It’s honestly a testament to his generosity that he keeps Dagwood around the office.
Mary Worth, 6/12/24
I know I should be grateful that we were spared a strip where Mary forcibly bathes and grooms Wilbur, but honestly? I’m a real Mary Worth sicko and feel pretty cheated.
Shoe, 6/12/24
Everyone in Shoe seems pretty depressed most of the time, but the Perfesser looks absolutely crushed in that first panel; presumably he’s just outlined the devastating end of his latest love affair. Roz, a good friend, offers a platitude to allow him to pivot to his emotional safe space: insufferably corny wordplay. It makes even less sense than usual, but it’s what he needs right now, and he’s grateful.
195 replies to “Wednesday quickies”
MW:
All of the hand-wringing about his romantic travails has gone completely out the window now that cheery Wilbur is content with a final resting place for his fish. Makes perfect sense.
Blondie: I imagine that a pre-Dagwood Dithers was a lean, tall man who had legs that could span the length of the room with a single stride and the kindness of a saint. Decades of Dagwood have turned him into the short (in stature and temperament), squat man we see today which implies that Dagwood is not so secretly some soul sucking Euclidean ghoul.
MW: So I guess Wilbur’s depression is suddenly “cured” after an hour of empty platitudes, yelling at him to get over it, and indulging the four year old in him by promising him a goldfish funeral? It’s pretty much in line with telling a child that her grief is an inconvenience to others and that a woman should stay in an abusive relationship because it’s better than being alone.
Blondie:
I wonder when J. C. Dithers Construction Company is going to go business casual, like 80% of the American work force.
“But Wilbur had to admit, the second fish funeral wasn’t nearly as emotionally satisfying as Stellan’s had been. Perhaps funerals weren’t the one-way ticket to happiness he had been promised… or perhaps he needed bigger corpses. When was Dawn getting home again?”
Blondie : That, or somehow Mr Dithers is not familiar with that specific bit of Superman lore, and somehow thinks “Kryptonite” is the name of Superman’s archenemy.
***********
Mary Worth : What’s more likely?
a) Wilbur stepped into his bathroom, STRIPPED NAKED, and took a shower. Meanwhile Mary was occupied with cleaning up his living room and didn’t notice any of that happening.
b) Wilbur didn’t take a shower, he just combed his hair, shaved and put on a clean shirt. He *may* have used Febreeze ™ or something to hide the several weeks of stench, but that’s a best case scenario assuming Wilbur knows/cares about that.
It’s not an exact copy of what I posted when I read the spoiler yesterday! I slightly rephrased it!Curtis: Those kids and their summer vacations…..
RxMD: By the time Parker gets their books, it will be vacation. Christmas vacation.
JP: The Spenser-Parker-Drivers have their own “Burger of Summer”. It’s called LIfe.
Blondie: Okay, I laughed. That was good.
Blondie: If Dag goes lazy, then will Dithers still call him supervisor?
MW: No need to recap the dozens of chronic problems Wilbur has with his mental state and behavior. They’re all completely cured now because Mary told him he could throw a dead fish off a boat. No. Seriously.
CS: Sure, go ahead and use the word “shoot” as a synonym for “scan,” Batiuk. Never mind that no other English speaker does that. You’re not a pointlessly confusing troll, you’re an innovative wordsmith.
JP: Neddy hasn’t received much page time in the past two or three years. Today she reminds us why she wasn’t missed. Meanwhile, Declan better straighten up if he doesn’t want to become the latest irredeemable villain. If there’s a group Francesco Marciuliano demonizes more than anyone else, it’s people who have been framed for crimes or otherwise victimized by people they trusted.
MW: {Floating Mary Head} “A week of polishing a turd and it is still a turd, but a polished turd.”
[eyes ceiling fan]: “Oh god, yes! Sweet release!!”
FC: Dolly: “When mommy says ‘Maybe’, she’s still trying to decide between ‘Yes’ and ‘No’.”
[Bill upstairs in restraints and leather suit]: “Ooooohhhhh….”
I once ended a love affair with exactly five cents left in my bank account. God help me, I identify with the Perfesser.
Family Circus: Mom is saying “Maybe” about whether or not to throw PJ out the window.
Blondie: All that radiation Dagwood emits would explain the endless hunger.
MW: Little does Wilbur know, Mary threw away Stellan while she was helping him clean up.
Shoe: Take my wallet. Please.
@jroggs:
On Crankshaft and saying that a printed page was “shot” : See, Batiuk is SO Old-School he’s still in the mindset where pages are assembled on giant screen, PHOTOGRAPHED, and then said photography would be printed as the page.
I dunno, I *THINK* I’ve heard magazine pages were made that way in the 60s, even though that sounds like a really weird way to do it…I’m thinking a Mary Worth / Wile E. Coyote collaboration involving an ACME catapult and Wilbur sailing into the great beyond. Brigman can repurpose the artwork of him falling off the ship.
“and I look forward to sending Stellan peacefully off into the great beyond”
Smash-cut to Wilbur flushing him peacefully’ down the toilet.
Shoe: “No, literally.” Pulls out wallet. “She was a peacock. Check out these new boots.”
Frazz: Say…did you know that Frazz is a runner?
Luann: “That was a stupid thing to say. Must be Luann.”
CS: Shoot my pages. Please.
MW: “Oh, that. While you were showering and shaving, I took Stellan out of the freezer and stuffed him down the garbage disposal. And now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my Post-Meddle Victory Gloat!”
9CL: Practically a member of the family, and Edda doesn’t remember his…………..age? (I hope I got the ellipses right)
FC: Jeffy asked Thel if she was going to let him live. Dark!
Zits: Connie doesn’t know how to use technology, so Jeremy is in the clear!
MW: Mary enters the bathroom carrying a wire brush while Wilbur is bathing.
“We’re gonna take care of that cradle cap once and for all!”
JP: Another day featuring the Seagulls of Soap Opera! With bonus closeups! I told ’em we could parlay this into a week-long gig if they played their cards right. Well, they almost blew it yesterday when one of ’em snatched off Neddy’s sunglasses and then pooped in her hair – that action panel had to be cut.
But the crew retrieved her glasses and got her cleaned up in time for today’s episode. The show must go on – never mind authenticity…
Blondie: Glad to see Dithers is celebrating Pride Month by having a bisexual colour gradient installed as a feature wall in the office (open floor?) where Dagwood (and others?) do business
Is there going to be any follow-up to the part where Wilbur, before his breakdown, developed the power to mindlessly barge through the streets, randomly injuring people or saving their lives?
MW: “You look better, my friend. Our matching outfits are the perfect touch!”
RMMD: Isn’t Bully’s teacher noting his absence? As a former teacher of kids with special needs, I can tell you it’s very important to keep track of your students at all times.
DtM: George’s favorite daydream is Dennis at the bus station with a suitcase.
H&L: The NHTSA recommends age 13, so good luck, Trixie.
9CL: Edda: Protective (if hypocritical) mother, or pouty wannabe MILF? I think we all know.
SHOE: Spoken like a man (bird) who has sent all of his money (birdseed) to a Nigerian princess.
MW – Cleaning up the place and getting Wilbur to shower and shave is all well and good, but why did they both need to grow neckbeards?
Blondie – Turns out, J.C. Dithers’ large gut is the result of Bumstead Radiation sending all those excess calories toward him.
Mary Worth – Mary’s pained expression in panel one is as close as the newspaper censors allowed the horrors of the cleansing of Wilbur to be shown. Wilbur is the greatest test of her meddling powers.
Shoe – Many newspaper readers will see today’s Shoe and recall the various better comics that have come and gone, cut due to shrinking budgets, page sizes, and cartoonists deciding to end their strips rather than keep this going on in zombie form.
It’s going to require the return of Mike Manley and the re-enhancement of Neddy’s breasts to keep Declan interested enough in following through with the marriage.
@jroggs: Ah, but that’s exactly what Eclair here is going to turn out to be. HE’S the evil twin brother (whom I will dub Kreplach)! He killed Eclair (off-panel, of course) and assumed his identity in order to marry Neddy under false pretenses and thus gain access to the Spencer-Parker-Driver fortune! All to rebuild the weapons smuggling empire of his beloved father, Pavel, now currently mummified in bandages, Rene Belluso-style, in some superdupersecret hospital!
Kreplach/Eclair will tell his story, and Neddy won’t think to ask the question made famous in that one meme: ‘How do you know about the parts you weren’t there for?’
P.S. Kudos to Ukelele Ike for pointing out that Ces is indeed playing the ‘evil twin sibling’ card, AGAIN (remember the Buttress?).
RMMD: There was a whole episode of ‘King of the Hill’ where Bobby took a self-defense class (designed for women, natch) where the primary move was to kick your assailant in the testicles. Bobby subsequently pulled the move on Hank when Hank wouldn’t stop needling him. It turned into a complex story about how Bobby chooses to defend himself, and the responsibilities that come with that choice, etc., etc.
What I’m getting at is, there is an easy way for Parker to get his books and not have to fight.
So, is Wilbur about to learn that the official term for a small dead fish on a boat is “bait”?
Beginning next week, Blondie makes an abrupt pivot to social realism with the release of J.C.’s Story, about a man’s brave but ultimately losing battle with Dagwoodium-caused multiple myeloma. And a new pastry chef starts!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: (Social realism-ish.)
FC: Thel shakes PJ and asks; “Can Jeffy have a katana?” He speaks; “My sources say no.”
MW: Mary’s already got it all planned out. A hearse. Police escort of the cortege to Jeff’s boat. A priest. Twenty-person choir. Three eulogists. U.S. Navy color guard. Afterward, reception at the Bum Boat. Announcement of an endowment in Stellan’s name. A round of toasts to his memory.
No exes will be invited, and she’s flying Dawn in from Connecticut.
Wilbur’s son deserves no less.
Next week on Mary Worth, Mary is revealed to be Santa Royale Hospice Home of Hope’s health aide with the poorest boundaries.
@MKay: Who said anything about Lord Haw Haw Jr. here being a registered student at the school? He could be some 75-year old escaped mental patient who’s blending in by mimicking the popular culture of the time before he was institutionalized (YOU come up with a better explanation for why he’s talking like it’s the 1950s!).
Or, perhaps this is a prelude to a crossover with the Phantom and he’s the secret love child of Elan Mollusk, who’s been homeschooled his whole life but is regularly turned loose to give these ‘woke’ Gen Z kids what for?
CS: Flash: “Artists are never happy when a printer does a lousy job of reproducing their meticulously created artwork!”
Flash, Mopey, and Jeff: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
Mopey: “Yeah, what a bunch of divas!”
Flash, Mopey, and Jeff: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
Jeff: “Yeah, entitled much?”
Flash, Mopey, and Jeff: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
It would not surprise me at all to discover the Perfesser responded to an email regarding Russian birds looking for American husbands. Also one hawking pills that would make his penis larger or his cloaca more enticing or whatever the hell it is his species has going on down there.
Shoe, 6/12/24: “It makes even less ense than usual…” It’s makes no ense that you refuse to proofread and keep proving what an idiot you are.
Blondie: Maybe Dagwood being radioactive would provide some kind of explanation for why the walls of the office have inexplicably turned neon for today’s installment.
Mary Worth: So Mary’s solution to helping Wilbur get over his despair was to just shake and yell at him than forcibly help him clean up his apartment? Who needs therapy or self improvement when you’ve got old ladies screaming at you, right?
Shoe: Just one day I want a Shoe strip where the characters acknowledge that the dumb puns and wordplay make no sense and the person telling it has to explain their thought processes, making themselves look insane in the process.
Blondie: Dithers is an alien originally from a planet made out of Dagwoods (since destroyed).
It seems as though Mary is doing the majority of the clean up work while Wilbur just shaved and put on a shirt. No word on whether or not he also put on pants but I wouldn’t be surprised if this jackass thought that cleaning was “women’s work” and it was Dawn’s job when she was at home. Mary of course enables this because she believes in traditional values and that children should be slaves to any and all adults.
@Anonymous: What makes it even more confusing is that we just learned about Mason’s Starbuck Jones movie that’s coming out in a few days (despite being nowhere near completion?) and “They must have been shooting these pages from the actual comic books” sounds like something one would say about authentic adaptation of the source material. But then, when has Batiuk ever cared about context?
@The Quiet Man: Unfortunately, the Buttress stuff happened before I was really following the series. Someday I kind of want to go back and read the whole Marciuliano era for context, but that would mean paying King Features to endure the spinning crown, and… not in a huge rush for that at the moment.
JP: “Okay, okay, I never told you that I was indicted for fraud about a year ago and that I’m a fugitive. Happy now?”
RMMD: Douchebag here is a bully with honor. He doesn’t want to be the one who takes the first swing. Very chivalrous of him.
Shoe
Between what Roz and The Perfesser said, it sounds like some golddigging goldfinch took The Perfesser to cleaners and left his feathers ruffled.
And so it goes.
MW-If only we could see Wilbur go off into the Great Beyond too.
Blondie-And yet for some odd reason you can’t fire Dagwood.
FG: I am charmed that Vultan is thoughtful enough to take off his hat in the elevator.
MW: Shouldn’t Mary at least be wearing gloves to do that? And additionally, a high-grade mask? Best option – a full hazmat suit.
@Veronica: is [wherever Dagwood wortks] celebrating Pride Month or did the illustrator take acid this morning? That final panel is bizarre!
MW – “Congratulations, Ms. Worth, on your lifetime achievement award. What would you say was your most challenging meddle?” “It all started when my friend’s fish died.” (Harp glissando)
FC: It looks like Thel is strangling PJ.
JP: It’s best not to tell Needy anything.
Phantom: I don’t.
PMP: Eww.
MW; Wilbur’s expression is totally unmoored. It looks to me like he’s planning on killing several people so his dead fish has companions on his way to a peaceful rest, hence the creepy smile.
Mary Worth: I’d hoped by the end of this storyline Wilbur’d be resting in
peacepiss, specifically Libbby’s.Unironically love Mr. Dithers’ ensemble today. The spotted pants, vest with contrasting back, striped tie… lovely! Beautifully drawn.
Blondie – Blondie’s boobs make Dithers weak as a kitten….
MW – When Wilbur threw himself in the ocean, the bad taste made the ocean spit him out….
Shoe – It’s better to have shit a stream of diarrhea, than never to have shit at all.
Plugger Wisdom
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@taig: 9CL: If you’re going to do a flash forward, the characters have to have memories or the intervening years.
Jeff is going to use Stellan as bait, isn’t he?
Phantom: Don’t count your rocket ships before they
hatchmake it past the troposphere without exploding.@Lord Flatulence:
Like Edda notices or cares about her own children’s existence most of the time…
(Also, it’s weird isn’t equating “Edda tells the twins they’ll only get to date boys ‘over her dead body’ ” and “whenever Edda and Amos ask what the twins what game they’re playing, it’s always them fantasising about committing gruesome murders, specifically of their parents”. I mean, this is a ” ‘Over my dead body!’ ‘Glad to oblige!’ ” situation, isn’t it?)
@MKay: RMMD: The bully isn’t a student, he’s just a random 30 year old wandering the halls.
If I were Mr. Dithers, I’d be less concerned with kryptonite and more concerned with the fact that the Phantom Zone is following him around.
@Ukulele Ike: FG: He’s bald!
MW: Wilber and Stellan should go overboard together.
And thus did the Perfesser [sic] lose the quickest game of Aphorism Challenge in history.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: It’s going to require the return of Mike Manley and the re-enhancement of Neddy’s breasts to keep Declan interested enough in following through with the marriage.
Ever since Marciuliano took over, the cheesecake has been downplayed in favor of what he thinks are “strong female voices.” Of course, each of those voices sounds exactly like Ted Forth.
@The Quiet Man: Worst The Orphan remake ever.
Shoe: Well, this is a pretty frank admission about the sex trade going on in Treetops.
It makes even less sense that someone who hates the mistakes made on this blog would continue to read the blog.
Wilbur’s dick is a dead fish.
@Lord Flatulence: Yeah? Then where’s his AR-15?
@Lord Flatulence: Siring all those illegitimate Valkyrie daughters drained the vitality from Vultan’s hair follicles. Still, he maintains one heroic beard. Doc Zarkov rubs his sparse little girly whiskers in envy.
Come to think of it, “Project M” is probably a super-Rogaine development program, something of primary importance to the Prince, who dreams of running his fingers through his new lush ginger tresses.
9CL – So, we’ve aged Xiulan’s toddler up to a teenager, and now have a new dweeby loser character who wears a lime green sports coat (so popular with the high school kids these days).
And The Twins, when last seen, had matching sets of tig old bitties and were wearing sexy outfits.
But, as far as we know, everyone else is still the same age. Certainly Edda and Juliette won’t suddenly be twenty years older.
I’m suspecting they Amos is holding out for more money, and just learned that the producers weren’t bluffing when they said they could replace him overnight without even needing to buy a new lime green jacket.
GT: Poor Coach Kim. The melted face. The monstrous hand. The hand is the size of a dishpan. Dishpan hands!
MW: “Are you suffering from grief and major depression? Hi I’m Mary Worth for Marworthxli, the fifteen minute cure!”
I’m not proud of how much I’ve been thinking about Mary Worth continuity.
MW: Mary had been seething with concealed fury ever since the “lost at sea” Wilbur had walked through the door. It wasn’t the thoughtless cruelty of allowing his daughter and his lover to believe him dead – Mary could almost respect that. But Mary had told people he’d been lost at sea. He’d made her… she shuddered… Wrong. Mary Worth was never Wrong. It had taken careful planning to reach this point. Wheedling Dr. Jeff into buying a yacht and establishinga pattern of regular use. Driving away everyone close to Wilbur culminating in a series of emails impersonating Dawn’s estranged mother. Muffins laced with subtle tranquilizers. Just the right amount of fish poison. Soon, Wilbur would be lost at sea, for real this time. Soon Mary would be Right again.
@MKay: @Lord Flatulence: re RMMD: I still think the Big Reveal will be that “new kid” Bully – will he ever get a name? – is actually the new gym teacher.
9CL-“Mrs. Edna, you’re trying to seduce me.”
I have the image of Wilbur stripped down to his boxers, standing in a DIY car wash while Mary scrubs him down with one of those long handled, foaming broom brushes. It’s not a pleasant image. Also, I’m pretty sure the people running the car wash would complain.
MW: Between the ellipses and the psychopathic grin in the first panel, I am expecting Mary to kill Wilbur any moment now. A man can hope at least.
MW: Oh jeez…so with timely intervention from Deus Ex Machina/Fairy Godmother Mary, Wilbur is back to his old self. I can’t stand it. I just can’t stand it.
Blondie: No, no, Dagwood is asking about his boss’s *kryponite* [stet]. Much more volatile stuff.
PLUGGERS:. Humorist Garrison Keillor noted disappearance of “permanent files” we learned of in grade school. Why, they decided what classes you could take in high school and might even prevent you from getting in the military! This was Vietnam era, so we tried to sabotage those files. Now those files still exist and follow us through college and work-life. They’re called “internet”.
PHANTOM:. At least they didn’t call him Ian Muskrat.
MW:. Bianca from 6C knows and teaches more about depression in one strip than Mary Worth every could.
JP: So the evil brother is Aidan. I was really hoping he’d turn out to be Hunter Biden.
MW: Mary thinks stuffing old takeout boxes into a trash bag is big work. Wait until you see the bathrooms, girl.
FG: I’ve got a feeling Project M has something to do with bringing Ming back into the picture.
Pluggers: As a kid we were always warned about our permanent records. The Simpsons even did a spoof where future Lisa was elected president but was impeached and exiled to Monster Island because she flunked gym in second grade.
FC – Worst version of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave ever.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:
#21. Sid, those seagulls are priceless! Let them know they’ll soon get a reward if they fly over to Dr. Jeff’s boat in MW.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Aiden Biden? Old Handsome Joe wouldn’t be THAT much of a monster at the christening.
Prince Vultan is plotting to bring Ming back from the dead….via radio! (Love all the funky old tech Schkrade is keeping in the script.)
Pretty rude of Mary to throw away Wilbur’s painting of a pizza that earned him an A- in high school art class without even asking him. Acrylic on canvas has never looked so
deliciousmoderately edible if you’re drunk enough.MW: “After helping Wilbur clean up his place…”
To what, exactly, is Moy referring when she says ‘his place’? Is it his condo? His private parts? His standing in the whole universe of being? Considering how many boundaries are broken every day in this benighted strip, I can’t help but imagine the worst.
MW: So this was just a long con to get Mary to clean Wilbur’s apartment yet again. Well played Wilbur.
MW (2): “Bum Boat!
We’re waiting for you!
Take a shower, Wilbur, we’re expecting you!
Fish, life’s sweetest reward.
We’ll fry Willa up if you don’t throw her in too.
Dr. Jeff’s boat soon will be making another run–
Dr. Jeff’s boat, and your dead seaworthy son!
Set a course for banality, your mind on the surf and turf!
We don’t have karaoke anymore, but Mary is sure to bore!
It’s Stellan! it’s Willa! It’s sashimi!
It’s the Bum Boat-ah!
It’s the Bum Boat-ah!”
FC – That’s not how “maybe” works. It means that for some reason Mom didn’t say “no.” But it means NO.
JP – This situation is one that calls for a quiet, serious discussion. Instead, Neddy is flipping out and being her usual drama queen about it. Declan should recognize this as the big red flag it is. Does he really want to spend the rest of his life married to an irrational drama queen? “Honey, I forgot to pick up milk at the grocery store.” “YOU FORGOT TO PICK UP MILK!!???”
Frazz – Some of us still move, and we’re superior to the tubs of lard who don’t run. Let’s cut up Mrs. Olsen behind her back.
Super-Fun-Pak Comix – That’s funny – there’s another comic that could be called Dinkle, the Unlovable Egomaniacal Asshole.
Mary Worth – The AMA is having emergency meetings, now that the word is out that platitudes, yelling, and fish funerals can cure severe depression in minutes.
Crankshaft – I refuse to try to remember which one of the artists is which. The Easter Island head of the tall one is almost as annoying as Pete’s and Jeff’s smirks.
9CL – Speaking of Easter Island heads, Alistair has one in the first panel. Brooke can’t be bothered to get proportions right if meticulously shaded female legs aren’t involved.
If Alistair is sixteen, that means that the twins are somewhere between age twenty and twenty-six. It’s difficult to figure out, because they were somewhere between four and ten when he was born, and it was impossible to tell from the drawings. In any case, they’re apparently still dressing identically, still totally wrapped up in each other, and not separate personalities at all. This should be a big red flag.
@Rev. Cheez: Wile E. Coyote would definitely improve Mary Worth. Seriously.
@Liam: Brooke would definitely draw Alistair framed by Edda’s meticulously drawn and shaded leg.
“BIRDS GOT WALLETS!” “Now we must peck him to death!”
I just can’t fathom WHY Dagwood is asking this question. Is it a doomed attempt to get closer to his boss by inviting him to open up about his insecurities? Is it idle conversation in attempt to avoid work? Or is he planning a trap?
@I speak Jive: Re FC: “Maybe” can also mean “ask your dad, and he can later take the blame for how things turn out.”
@Veronica: I know, right? I was going to ask what the hell was up with that weird gradient but then wondered if it was actually Blondie saying trans rights. Which, if this somehow turns out to be the case, that’s pleasantly surprising.
Curtis: This is yet another example of a cartoonist having a potentially interesting story idea and abandoning it before taking it to a logical conclusion.
For those who missed it, the bullies Derrick and Onion demanded that Curtis write reports for them so they could avoid failing their classes. Curtis asked his brother Barry to write two reports and left it up to Barry what the subject would be. Barry responded enthusiastically, saying that he liked writing reports and was excited to have “creative control.” Curtis gave Derrick and Onion the reports which they went to turn in.
Now, in an interesting story, there would be something wrong with the reports. Maybe Barry would sign the reports himself, or the teacher would notice that they were in the exact same handwriting. Or maybe Barry would write proper reports for Derrick and Onion, but on a topic that they didn’t want to be associated with. (Teacher: “Derrick, I’m giving you an A on this report, and I want to display it for the whole class. ‘The History of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic,’ by Derrick.”)
But none of that happened. And, frankly, it would have been more in keeping with the comic strip for something like that to happen, because then Derrick and Onion would again want to bully Curtis and thus go back to the status quo of the strip. Instead, they leave him, saying, “We’re truly grateful, bro.”
@Little Blue Bicycle: Thanks for making me realize that targeted marketing jingles are not just plausible but inevitable in the near future thanks to AI and data hoarding.
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Mary Worth: Since Wilbur looks so relieved and Mary looks as if her mental health is still intact after cleaning his condo, I guess she never came across his extremely large and exotic porn collection.
Shoe: Is that tree moving, or is Roz’s place actually a revolving restaurant? You’d think a cool feature like that would bring in a lot more customers, but I guess a great view doesn’t mean as much when everyone’s a bird.
Hi and Lois: We make a lot of jokes about Lois being a neglectful parent, but her baby is literally crying and she couldn’t be more annoyed about it. In that context, the fact that she’s also a dangerously bad driver doesn’t seem so important.
Who needs Zoloft & Wellbutrin when you’ve got Mary for a friend?
JUDGE PARKER: I’m kinda with Declan here. Why would this be a “big deal” when it’s been the plot of the last 4 story arcs?
JUDGE PARKER (2): Declan: “It’s not that big a deal. It happens to everyone. I mean I’m sure you’ve been framed in a business by a close confidant you trusted, right?”
Neddy: “Er…
(Flashback to Godiva angrily slinking away as her and Neddy’s factory collapses)
Neddy (looking away sleepishly): “…No?”
MW: This story is simultaneously too extreme, and not extreme enough.
As many have said, Wilbur’s behavior calls for real professional help, not meddling. But his deterioration is way too mild for Mary to get this hands-on. Why is she cleaning his house for him? Wilbur’s an adult. He’s not in a wheelchair. He’s not special needs. He didn’t lose a body part, or a child, or his life savings, or anything else that would devastate you to the point of neglecting your daily chores. That Mary would fall for such a manipulative tactic, from a character with a long history of manipulative tactics, makes her look weak.
Blondie – Color gradients, man. Those color gradients are slowly killing Mr. Dithers, and no one knows it.
@Sense: I read an article on Gizmodo today about writers being fired because their writing had erroneously been flagged as AI-generated. One of the tells the AI scanners looks for is writing that is too grammatically perfect. I like to think that Josh is aware of this and sneaks an occasional typo in to let us know he’s a real person — just one little way that he fights for humanity!
@I speak Jive: 9CL – “ If Alistair is sixteen, that means that the twins are somewhere between age twenty and twenty-six. It’s difficult to figure out, because they were somewhere between four and ten when he was born, and it was impossible to tell from the drawings. In any case, they’re apparently still dressing identically, still totally wrapped up in each other, and not separate personalities at all. This should be a big red flag.”
It would be too much work for Brooke to establish independent personalities for The Twins. He’s only got “”Dweeby Male”, “Sexy Woman”, and “Catholic Authority Figure” available.
What’s worse is that in-strip they are treated as a single entity – nobody has pointed out to our suddenly appearing 16 year old that he can’t marry both of them at the same time because they are two different people. Hard to imagine one day one of them decides she’s a little bit country … and the other is a little bit Rock and Roll.
I assume he’s not going to fix this Gordian knot he tied himself into. Either “Alistair” will vanish forever after this sequence, or he will hang around the strip as a sixteen year old forever, though Edda will not be sixteen years older.
The only suspense is whether The Twins de-age out of their boobs again and go back to fantasizing their mother’s violent death.
love is… erectile dysfunction..
MW – In Mary Worth, clinical depression can be cured with a shower, shave, and change of clothes. It’s the mental-health equivalent of Rex Morgan curing a drug overdose with smelling salts. And yet, my health insurer still won’t pay for more than 20 Mary Worth visits a year, while Rex Morgan is unlimited!
Shoe – Thank you to everyone for the explanations. My only guess was that the Perfesser was saying his wallet loves money, but is unhappy because he keeps spending it.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I don’t care what Don Abundio says, I’m sure this thing has moved since the last time I was in here!”
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
@Daisy: So…Zeus steps in – Wilbur becomes the incredible Mr limpet, Mary takes the Earthly form of the harpy she has always been, and Dr Jeff is transported to Thailand where he hooks up with a ladyboy. And as for Stellan? Hey, he’s just a fuckin’ dime store goldfish – who gives a shit….
CS: Haha, it’s funny because Jeff paid a small fortune for it and the graphics suck.
Frazz: Frazz and Caulfield — the Brothers Superior.
@Anonymous: In the late 1980s, my school district’s vo-tec had a line camera for exactly this purpose. Basically a giant bellows with a 1:1 lens for converting graphics/pictures into something that could be used for laying out a newspaper or magazine.
MARY WORTH: Mary: “Well, huffing lemon Pledge does take the blues away” (Look at Mary’s expression in panel#1 and tell me I’m wrong, people!)
MARY WORTH (2): Oh my god! Has Wilbur become such a douche that his whole life has morphed into one big Massengil commercial.
Wilbur: “Ah, my life finally feels fresh! Thanks, Mary!”
Phantom — No, we already don’t like you. We hope you get a skull-ring punch in the face.
@Scott Christian Simmons: Bingo!
(I’d love to see Dr.Jeff with a marlin-fishing rig. “Ahhh, Wilbur. You’ve brought bait.”
Blondie: Quack!!
Mary Worth: Quaack!!!
Shoe: Quacking me up!
FC – So the new schtick is “kids say the most literally true things right out of the dictionary”? Eh, it’s not funny but it still beats “kids say the darnedest things.”
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: ” just one little way that he fights for humanity!”
That’s why we love him so.
JEFF: Let me get this straight: you want me to burn up $100 worth of fuel so we can take an unstable man-child out on the water to bid farewell to a fish he considered a son??? Jesus Christ, Mary. This is exactly why I love you.
love is… being secretly pleased when he gets bad news.
Pluggers pay good money to have a dominatrix re-enact this little scene later in life.
One implication is that Ted has been lurking in the shadows, eavesdropping on teenage girls. I do find that a little hard to believe. A pop culture obsessed man with the mentality of a 13-year-old who yells at leaves, creates some ridiculous meat creature every summer, and fantasizes about being a TV trope family called The Chadwells is far too mentally and morally stable.
Fun fact: “eavesdropper” came to describe someone who stood within the eavesdrop of a house to overhear conversations.
My family uses the term “eavestrough”. When I first used that term with my husband, he stared at me as if I was speaking an alien language. I explained what I was referring to, and he said, “Ah. What normal people call ‘gutters’.”
Thank you for reading this. You won’t get this time back.
@I speak Jive:
” It’s difficult to figure out, because they were somewhere between four and ten when he was born…”
Lolly and Polly were “born” in March, 2020 while Alistair arrived in May, 2022. Brooke cannot come close to drawing little kids that look like little kids so he ignored the toddler era. I don’t think he meant for them to be literally older. Precocious geniuses to be sure but not older time-wise.
Phantom: That’s a … remarkable likeness. Will we soon read the comics on “Z”, formerly known as CK? I imagine Phantom will be dropped from the line-up.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
FC — is Thel throttling PJ in the background?
MW and ObRealMentalHealthExperience: when someone is very depressed and suddenly pivots to cheerful, that can often be because they’ve made up their mind to kill themselves.
I mean, where Wilburs concerned, I dare not look so high.
MW: Saying it aloud so it cannot possibly happen, I deeply hope this won’t devolve into a scene in which Mary has gathered alleged friends of Wilbur as a surprise at the boat launch or the boat return so that Wilbur will see how much he is loved and cherished. I really don’t want to have to projectile-hurl so hard that it hits Nebraska.
@Put Your Camel to Bed: COTW nominee.
@BigTed: Now I can’t stop thinking about what Wilbur’s special kinks might be. I think I hate you.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Look, he lost his GOLDFISH. OKAAAAYY?? The thing was his SON. The LEAST Mary can do is bathe him, shave him, iron him some fresh clothes to wear, and clean his apartment, before making all the arrangements for a burial at sea. Jeesh. How about a little empathy??!!!
I guess they figured we weren’t getting enough Superman. There’s two today.
Day By Dave and
Half Full.
Frazz: For heaven’s sake, all this fuss and palaver about self-winding watches. All of my wristwatches except two are self-winding, and I adore them. It’s fun to watch the tiny mechanisms spin around when I wind them up and they are so well-made and lovely to look at and to wear. They are analog, which is comforting to me, and will never need batteries. So know-it-all Caulfield and Frazz, you can keep your *stupid digital watches and gloat all you want while you mock people who aren’t as intellectually or physically perfect as you.
*this is not meant to offend anyone *here* who has digital watches – just to insult smug Frazz and his acolyte in arrogance. :-p
Yaffle: Blind leading the clueless.
@Ukulele Ike: #85:
“funky old tech”
One thing I like about the tech in this strip is despite the Mongovians having a lot of tech far in advance of ours they still prefer to fight with swords because swords are cooler. Their affinity for hand-to-hand combat saves a lot of collateral damage. That way any newly conquered areas can be immediately exploited without spending a fortune rebuilding the infrastructure normally destroyed by massive bombing campaigns.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Somehow . . . Ming returned.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Wilbur should go to a therapist and NEVER, EVER trust that meddlin’ she devil ever again
@Activest 1234: PHANTOM:. At least they didn’t call him Ian Muskrat
____________________________
It would have been the perfect Captain & Tennille cue.
@Poteet: Then you really don’t want to see videos titled “Flamenco Findom,” “My Ex’s New Boyfriend,” or “Grandma’s Tasty Muffins.”
@130 Poteet: They involved mayonnaise superhero costumes. You probably guessed that.
@143 Sequitur: Mrs. Horner leading Luann deGroot?
Six Chex and a Cat In Search Of A Punchline: She’ll change her tune once Willburp comes swimming by.
@Arabella: . Will we soon read the comics on “Z”, formerly known as CK?
______________
Nah, it’ll be called ZUCK until Zuckerberg complains.
@Dennis Jimenez: Blondie – Blondie’s boobs make Dithers weak as a kitten….
________________________
I thought Dagwood WAS Blondie’s Boob.
MW: Wilbur will throw the goldfish into the sea tomorrow so we’ll have a new storyline by the weekend, right?
@Banana Jr. 6000: It could be that she’s making Wilbur more dependent on her. Like I said earlier, I wouldn’t put it past the Aldo 2.0 version of Wilbur to think that cleaning is something that only women should do which is why Dawn would always do it. Wilbur has a strong tendency to treat his partners like they should mother him and Mary is doing this to indulge in that mindset. She doesn’t want Wilbur to change; she just doesn’t want him to get affectionate with her.
I feel like both Mary and Wilbur have been replaced by pod people.
@Poteet: I’m afraid I have bad news for you…
@taig: Poor Jeff is going to have to pay out his nose for this stupid “funeral” all so he can stay in the closet…
@Professor Well Actually: On Sunday my local newspaper for whatever reason ran the strip dated June 23. Not only is this shit not over, it gets much worse.
@Sequitur:
#142. Seq, a quick search online reveals June 12 is indeed National Superman Day! Many ways to celebrate, but please don’t try to leap tall buildings.
Moy really wants to get the same amount of attention that Aldomania got years ago but with Wilbur instead since he’s the new Creator’s Pet due to being a hate click generator. The Summer of Wilbur is already proving to be a disaster and it isn’t even technically summer yet.
@Activist 1234:
#150. I mistyped, comment refers to two great comics cited on #132
@150 Activist 1234:
I tried to bend steel with bear hands but the bear didn’t like it.
*That’s BARE hands!*
Even harder.
@Activist 1234:
Am I allowed to celebrate by pretending I’m a completely different person when I take off my glasses?
@Anonymous:
154. Only if you also put on a cape and squeeze a bears hand.
@Joshua K.: Remember, in the Saturday strip Derrick and “Onion” expressed gratitude and expressly said “If ya ever need nuttin, give us a holla!” I am fully expecting Billingsley to swing this plot point into action within the week.
It would have been cool if D and “O” had given Curtis an ultrasonic watch, like Jimmy Olsen’s, or a lamp he could rub when he needs their help.
@Needless Exposition: Interesting idea, but I’m not seeing Mary’s endgame. What’s the benefit to her in infantilizing Wilbur? He hardly needs outside help in that area. If anything, she should want to make him LESS dependent on her.
@Anonymous, @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: This nostalgia for old newspaper production is getting a tad out of hand. First we have a Linotype and a hot-metal press lovingly detailed in Dick Tracy, today we have an old grump complaining about lousy reproduction from comic books that originally were never meant to be high quality. The “shoot” he mentions is legit; as Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol points out, cold-type presses used a camera to shoot the entire page at once and that was used to make the plates for the camera. Because an entire newspaper broadsheet page was shot at once, the cameras tended to be rather large. For comic books (and the pulp magazines before them), the paper they were printed on wasn’t much better than grocery sacks.
@Die Rosenkavalieren: At first I said “Huh?” because I thought it was a law firm.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Mary is a narcissist at heart who adores the attention people give her when she “fixes” them. Like a crooked mechanic, she keeps everyone a little bit broken to depend on her to fix them.
@MasterMahan: And I am not proud that I didn’t think of this scenario first. This would be perfect
DT: Quick reminder that what Peirce’s son told Lizz was that his father was being blackmailed!!! So well done to the detective geniuses of Neo-Chicago for combining this with other evidence and making the brilliant deduction that Peirce was being blackmailed. If they keep going at this rate, then by the end of the month they might even have reached “this might be connected to why he committed suicide.”
JP: Aw, I was hoping Declan’s brother would be named Anthony. (Nobody outside the UK is going to get this, sorry.)
Pluggers: Pluggers are occasionally gripped by the thought that the threats that kept them in line as kids were lies, society’s so-called “rules” are an illusion, there are no real consequences, and they are actually free to do whatever the hell they want! Then they shrug and fall asleep in front of the TV again.
RMMD: Ah, okay, I’ve been commenting that Flattop doesn’t actually seem to want to get into a fight with Parker either, just talk about it, but goading your victim into giving the first punch, so when the fight gets broken up you can declare “They started it!” and your victim (in theory) can’t disagree, is a classic bully tactic. He’s smarter than I thought. (Well, he could hardly be dumber.)
Late Thread Cuisine: “This nutritious spread resembles egg salad…”
@162 Horace Broon: on Judge Parker: Ant and Dec? Gotcha.
@163 Baja Gaijin:
OBOY! YUM! (He said sarcastically.)
But then there’s this.
@Baja Gaijin: Mary wouldn’t cook this since tofu is too “exotic” for her.
MW: “I’m glad to see you’re looking better, too! I mean, you’d pretty much have to, right?”
Shoe: We get it. Cosmo likes prostitutes. I only wonder if Skyler still calls them Aunt This and Aunt That.
@Sequitur: Those colorless muffins look so unappetizing that I wouldn’t be surprised if they were just muffin shaped rocks.
@168 Needless Exposition:
She’ll have Wilbur eat them so he’ll be good and heavy when she pushes him overboard.
@Baja Gaijin: I guess the garish color is from the turmeric. My problem with that is the texture – it looks like it was mixed too well. I know that I’m probably – definitely – the only one who would say this, but I like tofu and would try that if the texture were more like egg salad. However, I would never hear the end of it from Mr. Jive if I had anything like that in the house. He does NOT like tofu.
Also, those olives must have been enormous.
@Sequitur: Oh, we all wish for that to happen but like hell will Moy let go of her prized pig so easily.
@Needless Exposition: Wilbur’s broken enough already. And in a realistic world, Mary’s past foisting of Wilbur onto other friends like Estelle would have caused them to reduce their trust in Mary, thus reducing her meddling opportunities overall. Wilbur’s a net loss. He”s only useful to Mary in just how much he’ll debase himself, but Mary’s not taking advantage of that. This meddle is way too mild.
@Banana Jr. 6000: And yet somehow Mary still wants to try “fixing” the schmuck so she can foist him onto others. Everyone in Charterstone is basically a dysfunctional idiot who is one step away from a nervous wreck that requires Mary to fix.
@165 Sequitur: What? You don’t like something that tastes like egg salad yet contains no eggs?
@166 Needless Exposition: Have we ever seen Mary Worth use sliced green olive eyes in her cooking?
@170 I speak Jive: They’re queen olives. Check their size at the grocery store. They’re big!
@165 Sequitur: I didn’t think I’d be able to mash up tomorrow’s strip yet I have one done already.
Dustin: Okay, yeah, when this is the family…
GT: When a man whose hand just doubled in size tells you that you should be proud of your son, be proud of your son.
HtH: The director of this Medieveal theatre production has really made a commitment to verisimilitude, having a whole goose cooked as a prop when the actors aren’t even really going to eat. He should probably just work Hagar and Eddie into the show.
JP: After a few months of fucking Neddy stupid(er) Declan chooses now to reveal that he used to run a Totally Legitimate Business with his brother until the brother tried to frame him for a crime. The guy is sus AF, as the kids say. They’re perfect together.
Phantom: About as much as when you married that contrivedly weird Canadian singer, Greases.
@174 Baja Gaijin:
I don’t HATE egg salad or tofu but I also don’t go out of my way to find it.
MW: Come on Wilbur! There’s still time!!
https://imgur.com/a/xuCnTW4
@The Rambling Otter:
Also that may fall under Late Thread Cuisine? I’m not sure, as it’s virtual food.
@I speak Jive: You’re not the only one who would say that. When I started reading this recipe, I actually thought it sounded pretty good.
I agree that the tofu should be chopped instead of mashed; I also would want to boil it briefly. And I would definitely leave out the sweet pickle and some of the other seasonings. But given all that, I would not only eat this, I’ve probably made something a lot like it.
On the other hand, wouldn’t it look even better with a few severed prawn heads for garnish?
@taig: Just curious why your comment isn’t a direct reply to who you’re obviously speaking of.
When my Mom said maybe she meant no but didn’t want to immediately deal with the begging and pleading that would follow.
FC: That’s also what Mommy says to Daddy most nights.
@Baja Gaijin: Egg salad with tofu instead of eggs. It would work, but it wouldn’t replace real egg salad. No yolks melting deliciously into the goo. And Jive and PG are right about the texture — better to use extra-firm tofu and chop it.
@Peanut Gallery: naw. In Rex Morgan M.D. it would be cured with an impromptu roots country concert at the local greasy spoon.
@Lurking: Oxygen
Also, I’m not having a dialogue with that person. If it’s obvious of whom I speak, then I don’t need to “at” them.
@Baja Gaijin: If it resembles a food, it must therefore taste like that food. That’s how it works, right?
@taig: Right. Sometimes.
@2+2=7: If Mud Mountain Murphy ordered a pre-concert egg salad on whole wheat at the RMMD greasy spoon and Beehive Waitress brought him a tofu, would he perform “Muddy Boots” or just cover the entirety of John Prine’s first album?
@189 Ukulele Ike:
He’d shove that tofu in Beehive Waitress’ face.
@Sequitur: He’d tell her to hold the tofu. Between her knees.
MW: No. No! You cannot tell me that Wilbur, who sequestered himself in his apartment for several weeks, is all of a sudden all ready to go outside, and have his apartment completely cleaned, all in what seems like a span of a couple hours at most. Mary Worth is not Mary Poppins!
Dustin: The irony of this scenario is that everyone in this family hates each other. Well, except maybe Dustin, but he’s never allowed to have nice things.
@taig:
Every time someone here acknowledges this cretin’s pathetic existence, he has a troll-gasm. All you’re doing is encouraging him. From this moment forward, let us all vow to just ignore him. He’ll get bored and move on.
@Sequitur: @Rube: A shame. I wouldn’t mind hearing Mud’s attempt at “Angel from Montgomery.” He’d probably beat Bonnie Raitt all to bits.
@187 taig: That’s the way it works in Plugger households and explains why Plugger wives had to get rid of those fancy lemon scented bathroom soaps they love so much. And the lack of wax fruit on the dining room table.
@189 Ukulele Ike: Mud Mountain’d re-enact the “hour on the toilet” shtick except for real this time.
@192 JamesBont: Yes, Mary Worth has the Power of the Meddle® behind her.