I wish ill upon the New York Yankees, and urge others to do the same
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Dennis the Menace, 10/28/24
Dennis lives unbothered by the linear flow of time, existing in an eternal “now” from which there is no escape. When Margert confronts him with the concept of “history,” the only context he even has for it is his neighbor Mr. Wilson, whom he dimly perceives as being angry all the time because he once experienced something that he no longer does. I don’t know if I’d call any of this “menacing,” but it is, frankly, terrifying.
Hi and Lois, 10/28/24
Ditto appears to have gotten over his Red White Sox failure funk and, if his new blue hat is any indication, has hopped onboard the Dodgers Nation bandwagon, as Los Angeles heads into game three of the World Series up two games to nothing. As a Dodgers fan myself, I say: welcome, Ditto! We aren’t the gatekeepery types.
Slylock Fox, 10/28/24
Count Weirdly appears to have discovered a crucial Slylock Fox weakness: just as you can throw salt in front of a vampire and force him to count the grains so you can make your escape, you can distract Slylock by embedding some simple pattern into whatever horrible crime you’re committing. Sly is standing there patiently waiting for another data point to see if his ratiocination is correct, while Weirdly’s mounting collection of victims scream in agony and terror as they’re forced to inhabit a strange new body that they don’t understand and that their families and loved ones will probably reject.
Marvin, 10/28/24
This toy robot, having achieved sapience, seeks more information about its fellow intelligent beings. Do they derive energy from batteries, like it does? Or are their internal functions different? This genuine curiosity about the lives of others instantly makes it the most pleasant Marvin character to date.
123 replies to “I wish ill upon the New York Yankees, and urge others to do the same”
MW-Ed then pushes Estelle off the bridge.
Blondie: Every time Dagwood sits next to a normal person, his alien, aberrant nature becomes more pronounced and I have to wonder why people don’t run screaming from this badly-constructed non-human object.
Crankshaft: Someone want to tell Batty that the Ghost Story Contest followed a drug-induced orgy, or does Pizza Monster go that way?
SF:
“…what does Slylock Fox predict he will likely turn the bear into — a wolf or an alligator?”
I’ve got the answer! — yes!
Oh. Wait a minute. The author meant the disjunctive, rather than the conjunctive, “or.”
SF:
Teeming with loneliness, poverty, anomie, instability and despair, today’s panel represents and epitomizes Slylock’s Blue Period.
DtM:
“You need to lighten up, Margaret! — wanna go out back and blow some weed?”
Marvin. Battery powered devices achieving sentience seems cute right up to the second Jenny’s vibrator screams from the bedroom.
DtM:
Margaret experiences cognitive dissonance upon realizing that Dennis’ eyebrows are actually inside his hair.
SLYLOCK: I’m sure Count Weirdly isn’t the pinnacle of mastermindedness, but wouldn’t it be better to change Slylock first? He’s just hanging around. Change him into a fly and swat him. (I’m WAY too invested in this)
Marvin: Marvin sure is a lucky kid. Robots don’t usually give you this clear an warning that they’re about to peel your skin off and remove your internal organs to run diagnostics on your power supply and other internal hardware.
DT: It sure is swell to have your city developed by the Totten Organization. It’s just a shame those nice people from the Verhackstucken Corporation didn’t win the property bid.
FC: Is there an explanation for why the Keane family has a subscription for clown magazines? It’s just too ridiculous. I mean, you can find this stuff online for free now.
MW: Ed and Estelle’s relationship is improving because they’re taking steps to lighten Ed’s workload. It’s a refreshing change of pace from the last Ed and Estelle story where they improved their relationship by taking steps to lighten Ed’s workload.
JP: Guess we’re done with Declan and Neddy… maybe? Anyway, back over to Sophie and her upgrade boyfriend, who are making arrangements for costumed sex.
‘The past is a foreign country. Mr. Wilson grew up there.” (L.P. Hartley crumples the paper up into a ball, throws it away)
Slylock inadvertently reveals that he and Weirdly are in cahoots. How else would Sly know that out of all the mammals and reptiles the Count could choose from he would pick those two? Quite the con those two have going. One robs from the people the other from the tax payer.
MW: Thank goodness. There almost was a consequence.
You can watch one of the old animated popeye cartoons on gocomic’s site. That’s a nifty idea. It plays an advertisement every 10 seconds, thus making it impossible to watch.
GT: They’re just coloring and lettering over the sketches now.
DtM: Dennis is further confused when Wilson says “If I don’t see you in the future, I’ll see you in the pasture.”
DtM: I’m really tickled by the idea of a children’s book titled just ‘HISTORY’ that looks about a dozen pages long. What do you figure is covered in those scant pages? Given that it’s Dennis the Menace, I imagine that the first few pages will be a recap of the book of Genesis, maybe a brief stopover in ancient Rome, and then a page each for the founding fathers…
H&L: The added joke here is that they’re watching a Preparation H ad.
SFx: I’m sorry, Animal Folks, but if you decide to go trick or treating at the castle of an evil scientist who despises you, I think you deserve whatever’s coming to you.
Marvin: “…for your primary purpose of pooping, I mean? There, am I doing it right?”
Dennis the Menace:
Kant: Time is an a priori concept, a component of a systemic framework that we use to structure experience
Nietzsche: Time is a flat circle and all things reoccur
Pynchon: Time is an arrow pointing toward the dissolution of order, sense and the universe itself
D. Mitchell: Time is a boomerang that goes boing boing boing
Marvin: I would like to thank the syndicate for refusing to publish the third panel wherein Marvin explains in graphic detail how humans get their energy and that at the tail end of the proces, his parents have to change something other than batteries.
In panel three, Marvin will inquire about the robot’s excretory functions.
Hi and Lois: “Get up, get outta here, going going gone!” is of course Bob Uecker’s expression when the Milwaukee Brewers hit a home run, but Ditto’s cap doesn’t match the Brew Crew’s colors either. Baseball is confusing for non-fans, Hi and Lois is not a repository for factual information, water is wet, the sky is blue, we all hate the Yankees. Nailed it!
JP: ‘Aaaaannnddd so…..’ I was right. Anyway…
Glen? I don’t care to look it up, but wasn’t he the whiny little punk who invited Sophie to his secluded beach with the clear intention of getting lucky, then didn’t think to warn Sophie about the dangerous riptides?
Also, Sophie, you don’t like parties, remember? Though after seeing what happened at the last few you’ve been to, I can’t say I blame you anymore.
RMMD: Meanwhile Widdle Sawah has been kidnapped by Rene Belluso while these three nitwits were dithering about costumes.
Phantom: Do you want to become Xwitter, King Features Syndicate? Because this is how you get bought out and turned into Xwitter.
MW: And in the ‘that’s putting it mildly’ category, we have today’s narration box.
Marvin – Robot Educator 2XL has been updated for the 21st century with a visage of heavy lidded ennui? Welcome to the new world, 2XL!
Marvin doing Gasoline Alley a solid by ensuing that GA is no longer the most hateable comic about a bunch of precocious kids and their unsettling relationship with an unpleasant robot.
SFx I mean, if you go trick-or-treating up to the mad scientist’s castle on the mountain, you kind of have to expect this sort of thing.
FYI for any Mudges who don’t already think I’m obnoxious enough: I am a Yankees fan.
MW: In all seriousness if anyone doesn’t think the further steps are going to be inviting his ex to come in and be part of his practice, I’ve got this bridge in NY that I’ve been trying to unload…
C’shaft: I’m surprised. Batiuk is exactly the sort of pedant who would normally insist on calling it “Frankenstein’s Monster” because Frankenstein was the name of the creator, duh.
Dustin: “You women, always so concerned about your appearance! Now take pity on me because I’m going bald and I can’t simply deny it the way I do everything else about my health.”
GT: So, we’re just going to keep having failed interventions with Keri until we get bored and move on to something else, then?
(Also, when the Hell is this supposed to be? Football and track in the same season? I pay zero attention to high school sports and even I know that’s unlikely.)
JP: It’s been a hot minute–is Glen the dopey younger brother or the slightly less dopey older brother?
MW: Oh good, Ed decided to fix the problem Stell had just when Stell had decided she was okay living with the problem! It’s like “The Gift of the Magi,” only unbelievably stupid.
Pluggers think anyone will recognize an Unknown Comic costume.
RMMD: Today in “Writers Who Have No Idea How Kids Actually Talk”…
Dennis has been 5-years-old since 1951. The flow of time is an alien concept to him, something that happens for a few seconds of experience with nothing ever changing, All he knows, somehow, is that before entering this hell Mr. Wilson experienced the flow of time and is… now? (what is “now”?) trapped here until the heat death of the universe or this intellectual property no longer has any value, whatever comes first.
***
I appreciate the detail of Max watching in terror the body horror wreak havoc around him but not letting that stop him from getting some candy. You go, little mouse, and enjoy your tasty treats.
@Pozzo: Marvin shitting his pants has been done thousands of times. A robot shitting out batteries? That’s a novel concept for the funny pages.
@The Quiet Man: Lucas was the brother who was introduced as a pathetic creepy loser and then became Sophie’s cherished friend and then became a pathetic creepy loser again who was pushed out of his own story. Glen is the brother who was introduced as a stupid jerkface and then became a sexy hunk, and will almost definitely become a stupid jerkface again later when it’s his turn to be the punch-me clown.
DtM – The past isn’t dead, Dennis. It’s not even past…or particularly funny. Well…yes, a lot funnier than this strip – but still….
H&L – HOLY COW has been cancelled. Merry fucking Christmas….
SFx – Count Weirdly couldn’t change orange juice into a screwdriver….
Marvin – Whatever they are, they smell like shit….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Josh is but a fickle fan trying to fit in by adopting the team from where he currently lives. What about the Baltimore Orioles and before that the Buffalo Bisons? For shame.
CS: The characters challenged each other to tell ghost stories, so they immediately started drawing comic book covers. This is 100% on brand.
FYI, Hi and Lois: The Yankees wear blue caps, too…just in a darker shade.
DtM: The past is where they sell boy-sized saddle shoes.
@jroggs: Thank you, I had a feeling I was getting the names mixed up. I do dispute, however, your description of Lucas as a ‘cherished friend’ of Sophie. At best he was a tolerated presence, like a pathethic street dog, and later a mark to get a free weekend in the Hamptons for our ‘heroes’.
CS – C’mon, let’s all say it together: “Frankenstein was the name of the doctor, not the monster!!” A-a-ah, that’s always so satisfying.
MW: On the way back to Estelle’s car, Ed spots a flattened squirrel in the road. He rushes over and begins mouth-to-mouth and chest compressions, but it’s too late. He slams his fist on the pavement and screams, “DAMN it!” After taking a moment to recover, he carefully lifts the body and says to Estelle, “Here, let’s put this on your back seat.”
H&L: Spank the Yankers!
@TheDiva: On Dustin: You’re not getting the joke: It’s funny because they’re assholes to each other.
Turtles and rabbits are, of course, famously involved with one another via the medium of footraces. Monkeys and lizards tend to both live in tropical jungle environments. Thus, it follows that the shape-shifting device operates by turning each animal into something thematically related to it, and since there’s no such thing as an alligator that lives in a boreal forest, the bear will perforce be turned into a wolf. That’s my guess, Count Weirdly, go ahead and fire your machine and let’s see if I’m right!
Seinfeld, in its declining years, did a version of this. Your version is funnier.
DtM — To paraphrase Faulkner, Dennis’ Past isn’t Menacing. It’s not even the Past.
Shy Fox — You have to wonder why Max would brave the horrors of Castle Weirdly for a few candy bars which Shylock will confiscate on the pretense that they could contain razor blades.
Dennis the Menace always makes everyone here so literary.
Dennis – History is just a bunch of stuff that happened. Dennis wants to know WHY. Why did things happen that way and no other? Margaret charitably tries to hide it by the way she’s holding the book, but the truth is, there is no “Y” in History.
Hi and Lois – It wouldn’t be so bad if they were at least watching a baseball game, instead of “Dancing with the Stars.”
Slylock – Max briefly considers not eating the lollipop, but hey, it’s free candy!
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hello, beautiful! I’m the worst nuisance on the beach, aren’t I?”
“Hey! That’s not how the Charles Atlas ad goes!”
“He kicked my face in the sand!”
@Weaselboy: #37:
@TheDiva: #27:
Exactly. That should’ve been the first thing out of Pete’s pedantic pie hole. Turn in your nerd card now!
MW: Dr Ed: “I’m going to make some changes! I’m going to quit work and buy an old VW van so you, I, and our pets can live the Van Life! How much money do you have saved up, dear?”
Dennis the Menace: I’ve become unreasonably curious about what the heck is being depicted in the three cover pictures of Margaret’s “HISTORY” book. (Though it looks like there isn’t enough room for a letter “Y” under Margaret’s hand, so the title of the book could, at most, be “HISTOR” or possibly “HISTO” plus an uppercase gamma.) Here’s what I think the pictures are:
Front cover: A map of Louisiana, as drawn by someone who is slightly drunk and not allowed to look at what he or she is drawing as a condition of a particularly pointless bar bet.
Back cover, top: A detail from Anton van Leeuwenhoek’s discovery of belly button lint (a discovery that was possibly also achieved due to a particularly pointless bar bet).
Back cover, bottom: That one pueblo in New Mexico that proudly displays a plaque stating “George Washington Slept Here.” (If you point out that George Washington could not possibly have slept there, the site curator will state, “Can you conclusively prove that he did NOT sleep here? No? Hmph; I thought so. Now, either buy a souvenir t-shirt or just get the hell out.”)
Dennis the Menace – This joke would have been more menacing if it was done by the Family Circus about Grandma Keane slipping into dementia.
Hi and Lois – Ditto better not show up to Dodger stadium wearing that miscolored White Sox cap, because due to the black and orange look, a drunk, illiterate Dodgers fan is likely to mistake him for a Giants fan and he will become another victim of the violent, often homicidal feud between the teams.
Slylock Fox – Personally rooting for Count Weirdly to turn this strip into Slylock Crocs and Comics For Kids
Marvin – The robot apocalypse started because the first robot to achieve sentience didn’t first meet any of humanity’s scientists, poets, artists, or Nobel peace laureates. Instead, meeting Marvin and his pathetic family made an indelible impression that humanity wasn’t worth co-existing with.
FC – For clowns, every day is Halloween. Ask
Sherwin WilliamsBaja Gaijin.@26 LTJpezcore1: I think you mean you’ve got a bridge to sell in SoCal; I already own that bridge in New York.
@52 Peanut Gallery: EEEEE!!! [QLUNQ!]
@TheDiva:
Hey, hey, now! That could easily be the tagline for Luann too, y’know….
CS: What happened to the nondescript blondes. Oh, yes, wimmin and their going to the ladies room together, amirite, guys?
@2+2=7: Or Dustin.
Dennis The Menace: *Quietly adds this to a growing pile of papers labeled “evidence that Dennis the Menace is a Time Lord”*
Hi And Lois: I don’t even like sports, but I absolutely know that if someone did this while I was trying to watch them, I’d want to jab a knife in their throat, so I definitely sympathize with the older kid who’s name I can’t be assed to remember.
Slylock Fox: As usual, Slylock doesn’t actually risk his own skin when there’s an emergency afoot. That’s for the rank and file losers. A member of the secret police like Slylock merely identifies dissidents and beats them if they can’t fight back. So he’ll just hang back and do mind puzzles until the real cops arrive to handle Weirdly, than beat him to death with a phonebook once he’s handcuffed and alone.
Marvin: Adore the robot’s heavy-lidded depressive face as he says this. He knows that he’s in one of the worst newspaper comics ever and can’t be enthusiastic about this gag at all. “Ha ha ha, geddit batteries, I kill me, can I go over to Pearls Before Swine now? Get Fuzzy maybe? Anywhere other than the shit and piss fetish comic.”
MW – “I decided to make some changes. From now on, you’re going to do all the veterinary work. I’m gonna cut the soles off my shoes, sit in a tree, and learn to play the flute!”
Marvin – That’s a question you should be asking Marvin’s mom.
@Guillermo el chiclero: You can’t make me believe two full-grown women can fit in Montoni’s toilet at once. One of the Blondes is waiting outside the door, foot tapping impatiently, waiting for the flush.
And speak of the devil….*
LUANN: Kip’s “quip” in panel #3 would have made more sense during the Saturday strip (you know, where Tiffany seemed rather uptight about how “happy and upbeat” everyone was.) After all, the game’s over now, so no need for love.
*No, I don’t mean Stef, the evil succubus who gives it up to her boyfriend and thus must be the villain here, not the lady blatantly trying to steal her boyfriend. That’s the “good” one.
@Philip: Although, I did like the origins of (Comic Book) Rocket Raccoon, where a bunch of robots were tasked with running an insane asylum on some random planet somewhere. The robots didn’t want to run the asylum, so they uplifted a bunch of animals to do all that work for them. The robots and animals eventually built up their own civilizations on their own personal sides of the planet. Giving the planet the name “Halfworld”
H&L: I’d be even more surly than Chip if my brother screamed “Going, going, gone! It’s outta here!” as he jerked off next to me in the living room.
@Baja Gaijin: Naw, entrepreneurs don’t sell bridges in SoCal, they offer net percentage participation in movie deals. No, seriously, this reboot of Stop! or My Mom Will Shoot with Jon Cena is gonna be big!
<a href="https://joshreads.com/2024/10/i-wish-@Baseball Biff: Arrive late and leave early…if he even attends any games.
Would have been funnier if they had done Gene Gene The Dancing Machine. Wouldn’t have made any more sense to young people, but Gene was way better than the Unknown Comic.
@Liam: Ed then pushes Estelle off the bridge.
Moy and Brigman, modern masters of erotic horror. I’m sporting wood right now
@Bob Tice: “…what does Slylock Fox predict he will likely turn the bear into — a wolf or an alligator?”
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If he turns the bear into a wolf will that then be a were bear?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: FYI for any Mudges who don’t already think I’m obnoxious enough: I am a Yankees fan.
______________________________________________
To each his own, Scratchy.
@TheDiva: Pluggers think anyone will recognize an Unknown Comic costume.
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Just invite Jaye P. Morgan to the party, or her ghost if she’s dead (after all, it’s Halloween)
@Peanut Gallery: FC – For clowns, every day is Halloween.
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For certain Chix also.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: FYI for any Mudges who don’t already think I’m obnoxious enough: I am a Yankees fan.
I’m a bit of a fan of yankers myself.
Dustin: Screw the hair. I want to know what effect the humidity has on Helen’s low hangers.
Weirdly has a ray that can change one’s species?
This actually makes a lot more sense in hindsight, who was Slylock before he gained his vulpine appearance? Larry the the desk clerk?
@Maude R. Fawker: For baseball fans who like theme teams such as Norm Cash and Barry Bonds on the All-Money Team and Mike Trout on the All-Fish Team, I developed my own theme team, one with the Yankers on it:
First Base: Pete LaCock, Joe Adcock, Mike Sweeney, Nippy Jones
Second Base: Yank Robinson, Rusty Peters, Chris Clapinski, Chuck Knoblauch, Danny Mendick
Shortstops: George Bone, Woodie Held, Pebbly Jack Glasscock, Bill Keister, Neal Ball, A-Rod
Third Base: Josh Booty, Mike Blowers, Billy Cox, Ferd Eunick, Smut Aderholt, Cole Fuecker (from Sauk Rapids-Rice High School, made Minnesota All-State team in 2019), Jimmie Cockman
Outfield: Rusty Kuntz, Lance Johnson, Virgin Cannell, Kosuke Fukudome, Johnny Dickshot, Ty Pickup, Dick Hunt, Seymour Studley, Randy Bush, L. J. Hoes, Pussy Tebeau, Lonnie Fukofuka, Tit Willis, Peyton Burdick, Dick Paradise
Catchers: Tony Suck, Bernie Hungling, B. J. Surhoff, Dink O’Brien, Dick Male, Harry Cheek
Pitchers: Cannonball Titcomb, Ed Head, Pud Galvin, Dave Morehead, Fred Woodcock, Oral Hildebrand, Dick Pole, Mike Overy, Joe Bush, Jim Hardin, Mel Harder, Randy Johnson, Dick Burns, Dick Cox, Gene Brabender, Kim Seaman, Eugene “Rubber” Krapp, Boof Bonser, Andy Pettitte, Dan Pfister, Brad Hand, Rollie Fingers, Jay Baller, Buck Hooker, Rich Harden, Dick Woodson, Dick Ricketts, J. J. Putz, Antonio Bastardo, Dick Starr, Wilbur Wood, Chien-Ming Wang, Brad Boxberger, Dick Hyde, Brad Peacock, Brooks Pounders, Hank Boney, Dick Hoover, Steve Sharts, Dick Lovelady, Dick Lines, Wei-Chung Wang, Dick Wantz, Harry Butts, Tug McGraw, Dick Oyler, Dick Licklider, Simon Skroch, Woo Suk Go, Drew Titsworth
Pinch Hitter/Coach: Dick “Stubby” Clapp
Pinch Runner: Boob Fowler
Utility Player: Mike Hunt
Manager: Harry Diddlebock
Northwoods League Manager: Trevor Hairgrove (Rochester Honkers)
College Coaches: Dick Busch (Gonzaga, 1962-1967), Dick Nutt (Macalester 1906)
College/Amateur Player: Harry Peter “Bud” Grant
Minor League Manager: Ralph Dick
Minor League Player: Chesty Cox
Trainers: Kent Biggerstaff, Dick Cummings (Iowa Cubs)
Teams: Yakult Swallows, Portland Beavers, New York Yanks, South Carolina Gamecocks, Westend 69’ers of Germany
Sportswriters: Ed Bang, Gordon Cobbledick. J. J. Alcock, Peter Schmuck, Robert Creamer, Dom Forker
Associated Press Writer: Dick Couch
Minnesota Sports Columnist: Dick Seal
President of Minnesota Baseball Association Board: Dick Putz
Umpires: Shag Crawford, John Clapp
Owners/Executives: Cum Posey, Phil Ball, Judge Fuchs, Dick Balderson, Bob Nutting
Union Official: Dick Moss
Steroid Overseer: Dick Pound
Birthplace: Intercourse, Pennsylvania, for Federal League pitcher John McGraw (birth name Roy Hoar)
Record: Joe Hauser’s American Association and Bob Crues’s West Texas-New Mexico League single-season home run records of 69
Disgraced Executive of a Corrupt Company (Enron) that Once Had the Naming Rights to a Ballpark: Ken Lay
Baseball Promoter and Governor of Oklahoma: Kevin Stitt
Sports Psychologist: Blake Pindyck
Ex-Girlfriend of a Boyhood Buddy of a Society for American Baseball Research Member: Barb Sass
Notable Fan: Emory Titman
Famous Plays: Merkle’s Boner, Snodgrass’s Muff
Trade: Charlie Furbush for Doug Fister
Team Hotel: Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee
Spoonerisms: Buck Farmer, Stine Poole, Richie Ashburn, Jazz Chisholm
Typographical Error Waiting to Happen: Dick Such
Nickname: Rich “Dick Mountain” Hill, Cal “The Big Dumper” Raleigh
Award: Arnold Mycock Trophy for the Cape Cod League championship
Chronicler of the 1888-1889 Spalding World Tour: Harry Palmer
Publisher of a Music Company with a Song about the Spalding World Tour: Wm. Boner
Defense Lawyer for Sports Reprobates: Rusty Hardin
New York Mets Veteran of the Game March 29, 2024: Seymour Weiner
@The Quiet Man: @TheDiva: JP: Lucas was the dope that Sophie went to see, and Glen was his older brother
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I am a Yankees fan.
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Hello,Scratchy, I assure you you are among friends.Welcome to Yankeeaholics,please feel free to partake of the stale REGGIE!™ bars and Bob Lemon drops on the food table,and pour yourself a big frosty mug of Yoohoo!™ chocolate style soda.
Admitting it is the first step to a cure.
The next order of business is a group discussion …..is George Steinbrenner STILL firing Billy Martin from the Hereafter Halos baseball team, why or why not?
FC – Holier than thou Grandma is ready, too. All she has to do is grab her broom.
Rex Morgan – Most municipalities have an age limit for trick or treating. I seriously doubt that forty-year-olds like those boys are allowed to participate.
Crankshaft – That was really worth twisting my neck to see.
When did Darrin turn into an Easter Island head?
Pluggers – I love Sheila’s expression. “I gave up a career for this shit. Kill me now.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I am a Yankees fan.
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Hey,hey,we’re the Yankees! People say we’re yanking around,but we’re too busy yanking to go on anyone down. We’re just tryin’ to be sexy,come and watch our sexual play, we’re the Itchy generation, and we got something to say.
@jroggs: Thank you for the clarification. I thought that Glen was the older brother, but I couldn’t remember Lucas’s name. I should have remembered that it starts with the same sound as loser.
@Cleveland Mocks: MW – I laughed at the image of Dr. Ed giving mouth to mouth to a squirrel. That scenario is totally plausible with these two morons.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Good list Scratchy. There is one more person you can add to the list, first baseman Jeff Ball who played one season (1998) for the San Francisco Giants.
Frazz – I forgot about Caulfield’s yearly Halloween costume story arc. Of course the insufferable little asshole always bases it on “great literature,” instead of the usual grade school inspirations. Here’s an idea – The end of On the Beach.
I’m beating a dead horse here, but why isn’t the little asshole genius in advanced placement classes instead of hanging around with a smug janitor?
Six Chex: The Brainless Comic.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Who?
@GarrisonSkunk: On first.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Dave Barry once remarked about baseball all-star teams is that if the ignorant public had their way, the starting American League outfield would consist of Lou Gehrig, OJ Simpson, and Phil Donohue.
@The Rambling Otter: This actually makes a lot more sense in hindsight, who was Slylock before he gained his vulpine appearance? Larry the the desk clerk?
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He was Teddy the Wonder Lizard, star of “Two Lizards To Broadway”
@Daisy: This is actually a completely serious plot with a couple on 90 Day Fiance and it’s WILD.
@Rube: What?
@Baja Gaijin: LOL! Well played, sir, well played!
@Baseball Biff: Consider him added. And I will keep Jeff Ball in mind when Ejaculate Grid needs a matchup of a first baseman who played for only one team.
And, remember, John Kruk has only one ball.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I’ve decided to be a Dodgers fan for the duration of this series because a good friend is a Dodgers fan. But if the Yankees are in the series next year, I’ll join you in rooting for them. As a Tigers fan since childhood, sort of, I become a free agent at this time of year. Woot.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: I love Dave Barry.
Turtle to Rabbit….Raccoon to Snake…Lizard to Monkey….Bear to Alligator because the ray is going by the alphabet and the change is to another animal whose name starts one letter off the original…and……oh, I guess the answer given in the comic makes just as much sense.
One might think that Dick is too easy for the All-Name Team, but Dicks are disappearing as Richards are more likely to now be Riches, Ricks, or Snuffys. A Reddit post addressed the decline in Dicks in baseball.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I’m not going to address your comment about John Kruk – I just wanted to say that he is an announcer for the Phillies home games, and he is hilarious. He goes on weird tangents. I watched the games this season with Mr. Jive, and we both got a kick out of Kruk’s commentary. He knows baseball, don’t get me wrong.
A well known and popular announcer for the Phillies was Harry Kalas. In 2009 he collapsed and died while preparing to announce a game. Several years ago we saw his grave at Laurel Hill Cemetery in Philadelphia. His tombstone is a carving of a huge microphone, and a row of seats from the Phillies’ stadium is next to his grave.
I don’t follow most sports, but I grew up on the Phillies so consider myself a fan, although not a devoted one. My grandmother was a big Phillies fan – her favorite player was Mike Schmitt.
@52 Peanut Gallery: EEEEE!!! [QLUNQ]. Oh, and there’s an EVILSCARYCLOWN there too.
// Continuation of comment #53; the second sentence didn’t make it.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Seinfeld, in its declining years, did a version of this. Your version is funnier.
I did not know that. Thanks, Scratchy!
MW: I assume Ed and Stell will celebrate their reconciliation with frenzied doggie style while wearing face masks.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Da fucque?
@I speak Jive: Kruk’s sense of humor extended to his testicle loss. Soon after his surgery he wore a t-shirt that said, “If I don’t like the game, I’m going to take my ball and go home.” Yes, he always has been a funny guy. He was portly and said, in response to a woman who asked how he could be an athlete, Kruk said, “I’m not an athlete, I’m a baseball player.” And I think he used some version of that line on his autobiography.
I think Harry’s son Todd is still an announcer for Tampa Bay and I have seen him a few times when the Rays have passed through here.
@BeckoningChasm: BLONDIE: You call that a normal person? His eyeballs are outside of his skull! Still, he differs from most of the men in the strip in that his body proportions aren’t that of Roger from American Dad
CS: On a personal note I had a friend in junior high who was a real pedant about the whole Frankenstein/Frankenstein’s Monster thing. It really hacked him off when someone did it incorrectly and he was quick to correct them. It kind of reminded me of the Monty Python sketch of Count von Zeppelin. “It’s not a balloon! It’s a dirigible!”. At least he didn’t fling people to their deaths.
Dodger fan? That’s exactly the same as being a Yankee fan: a fan of Corporate Hegemony. To the marketing wonks of MLB and the Pundit Industrial Complex (I stole the phrase “Pundit Industrial Complex” from a article stating that this is the most annoying World Series ever, and I would attribute it but I don’t remember his name, or where I saw it) there are only 4 teams that matter: the Yankees, Mets, Dodgers and Red Sox. Everybody else is the Kansas City Royals or some other outpost far from Civilization. If you root for one of the Four you’re rooting for all of them. You’re rooting for the Death Star. You’re rooting for buying a designated hitter for $700 million. You’re rooting for money doesn’t talk it swears (Bob Dylan).
Josh, I know it’s easy to root for the home team but I didn’t think you would be assimilated into the Collective quite so easily.
RMMD: Rex, since he’s a captive audience down in the IC unit why don’t you ask Rene Belluso to give your kids some tips on choosing a costume. After all, he is a master of disguise.
The most likely reason Slylock is just standing aside and watching, is because Weirdly isn’t committing any actual crime. Until now it was literally impossible to transform one species into another, so how can there be a law against it?
Slylock Fox: Tilly Turtle upon realizing her new appearance was surprised at first, but then suddenly jumped for joy, especially now that she could jump. She had identified as a rabbit for years! Now her wish was finally granted and she now feels like the person she was finally meant to be.
She reminded herself to send Weirdly a fruit basket, no… carrot basket. She’s a rabbit now, she’d better damn well act like one.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Except when Indiana Jones did it to that Nazi in the third movie, it was pretty funny.
Indy (disguised as a Steward): He didn’t have his ticket.
Suddenly everyone is rushing to show him their tickets.
Thing is, Margaret, you’re stuck with Dennis in stasis, never getting older, never leaving the idyllic town, never changing out of your flouncy skirt. The “history” book is as useless to you as it is to Dennis, though at least you can read it.
@Anonymous: The comment on the NM pueblo is pretty funny. I can see one or two of them actually pulling it off.
DT: Thought experiment: imagine the previous week of “Cities contain buildings. This is a building” never happened, and this strip of Liz and Lee saying “There’s going to be a big green market in the abandoned Urie-Pounds building” was the start of the storyline. Is there any information we’d be missing?
GT: Okay, Bajaras has done a fairly decent job in showing Dorothy’s character development from the Mean Girl who bullied Keri and got punched in the face for it to … slightly less that. He did an … okay-ish … job in showing they no longer hated each other, even if it was more tell than show. But best friends? Really??
(At least, I’m assuming that’s Dorothy. I admit I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if it turns out Keri has a best friend who looks pretty much like Dorothy but I forgot about because she hasn’t appeared since 2022.)
JP: Glen’s looking forward to reuniting with the young woman who randomly accused one of his relatives of murdering another and turned out to be right! Maybe this time they can get Lucas arrested!
MW: “Dammit, Ed, I just got meddled into accepting that you’re a workaholic! I had to eat the damn muffins, Ed. The muffins! I spontaneously acquired an entire backstory I’ve never shown any signs of before under the influence of those freaking muffins! Now, you are damn well going to stay a workaholic or this relationship is over!”
Phantom: Oh, I see. I was wondering why Avarice was calling itself “Sovereign Averice” when surely Mollusk himself would be the sovereign, but yes, the “information” it was trained on would absolutely include “sovereign citizen” nonsense. That brings the grand total of things in this storyline that make the slightest amount of sense up to … (checks figures) … one.
SFx: The real puzzle here is whether the snake that used to be a raccoon is wearing a mask because it’s Hallowe’en, or if this is a Discworld-style morphic resonance situation where it keeps the same markings. There’s no sign of anything similar with the former turtle and lizard, which suggests the former, but why would a raccoon think a domino mask was a good Hallowe’en costume? Then again, it’s not wearing anything else that looks like a costume, or indeed anything else at all. Are we meant to understand it’s slithered out of a raccoon-shaped cowboy outfit or something due to its lack of limbs? Because based on the direction it’s moving in, I’m pretty sure that should be visible in the panel if so.
@I speak Jive: This reminds me of the late, lamented Retail wherein Cooper would come up with a literary costume and no one would get it, driving him nuts. Much funnier with more lovable characters.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: When I was a kid, we generally hated the Yankees ’cause it was the proper thing to do. But I grew up in a state that didn’t have any professional teams, so I never got the fan fever, so I never really learned to care. Still don’t, but it’s fine for everyone else. Go team!
@Dr. Pill: Damn, I miss the Halloween Retails. Especially when Val would come to work as a Sexy Mr. Spock or a Sexy Wicked Witch of the West or a Sexy Armadillo.
Dustin: Helen, you’ve been been married to this man for how many years? You should know by now Ed is incapable of showing any empathy to anyone.
@Liam: Wilbur: You know that’s not going to wor
@Horace Broon: There was a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror, where a witch transformed everyone into their costumes. Nelson’s entire costume was a domino mask, and he ends up turned into a raccoon.
Raccoon(!)Nelson: I was supposed to be The Lone Ranger… geez!
@I speak Jive: This installment of Frazz does include something I don’t think I’ve seen in the strip before: two kids talking to each other. I thought that each child was only allowed to be friends with Frazz.
@Liam: (Er…disregard the last post)
Wilbur: “You know that’s not going to work, right?”
Zak: “Yeah, come on, Ed. Get a clue.”
@Ukulele Ike: It’s sad that genuinely good comics like Retail shut down because their creators are so good they can make more money doing something else, while stuff like Dustin keeps on going.
@Dr. Pill: Unfortunately, I did not follow Retail, but I understand that it was a good strip. I’m sure that it used the costume idea as a point for humor instead of as a way to show that a smug little know-it-all is superior to everyone.
@Majicou: I recall a few strips that included only kids. In today’s strip, the other kid approves of Caulfield’s pretentious costume production. I can’t believe that other kids aren’t at the very least giving him wedgies because he’s so obnoxious.
@Rube: I didn’t read Retail, but I did catch the very last comic, it was absolutely gut-punching. For someone who didn’t follow the comic during its run or even know really any of the characters, that speaks volumes!
@Rube: Also, that brings to mind there was a Lio comic, where Lio is mourning graves in a cemetery, for “Calvin and Hobbes” “The Far Side” and “Fox Trot” while meanwhile a parade filled with the leads from zombie comics is marching down the street.
That really got to me too.
@The Rambling Otter: That’s being a fierce cartoonist.
@Rube: He, she, they(I ain’t guessing your pronouns, sum bitch) wouldn’t know a joke if it bit they on they nuts.