She needs to “duck” more so she doesn’t hit her head on things
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Mary Worth, 1/12/25
This Mary Worth storyline is sadly all too realistic in its depiction of emotional abuse and manipulation. But it’s extremely unrealistic in its depiction of someone who isn’t wearing her usual corrective lenses. I’m sorry, if Dawn’s vision is so bad that she’s just squirting ketchup all over the table in a vague attempt to season her fries, I refuse to believe she has any ability to see anything other than vague colors or shapes, or has any idea where she is or who she’s even talking to. I was also going to say that the transition that got us to “Duckgirl” isn’t realistic either, but I guess I need to keep in mind that Dirk is extremely stupid, so I’ll allow it for now.
Daddy Daze, 1/12/25
I swear that I am usually capable of processing a deliberate incongruity in the fictional world of a comic strip as a “joke,” but my least favorite instance of this is when an animal or some other entity that shouldn’t be able to read or write at all can, but is bad at it (probably the canonical version is the Far Side “CAT FUD” panel). That’s why I kind of approve of this strip, in which the Daddy Daze baby, who we are meant to understand is capable of advanced cognition that he communicates in a series of “ba”s, appears to have produced a professional-quality pamphlet, and hasn’t just handed over a piece of paper with squiggles all over it. Of course, you all know my theory that the baby is just a baby and the Daddy Daze daddy is insane, but nothing we see here precludes the possibility that the daddy produced the pamphlet himself in some kind of fugue state.
Hi and Lois, 1/12/25
Do you ever feel envious of Trixie, who lives outside the world of adult responsibilities and even childhood fears and enjoys a simple existence with her best friend, the light of the Sun itself? Well, it turns out that actually she perceives all sources of light and heat as separate conscious and jealous entities, and is constantly caught in their complex web of social relations as they jockey for status. Sounds real stressful, honestly, so maybe we should rethink our attitudes about her life.
Shoe, 1/12/25
I was about to make fun of Shoe for saying you can’t make money on the Internet, but then I remembered that he’s a newspaper editor, so he probably knows from pretty hard experience about not making money on the Internet.
61 replies to “She needs to “duck” more so she doesn’t hit her head on things”
Has Shoe’s desk always been a trashcan? I guess it’s easier to balance on a tree branch than a real desk would be, but it gives the strip a different vibe, and I’m not sure I approve.
MW-Watch it, Dawn. Dirk’ll report you to school management.
RMMD-Have you considered giving women a try?
It’s a shame The Worthy Awards aren’t around anymore. Because P4: “If it looks like a duck….” would be a strong contender for Panel of the Year.
Dirk’s sudden shift into violent, red-faced rage in the penultimate panel is best read in a “death metal” growl!
MW – As usual, Moy couldn’t be bothered to come up with a plausible causation for a character’s actions, in this case Dawn not being able to wear her contacts.
In real life, if BOTH of Dawn’s eyes were THAT infected for MULTIPLE days, she would have high-tailed it to the doctor by now and started a course of antibiotics. And learned to wash after she wipes.
Then again, Dawn IS incredibly stupid…
MW: Once again, how is a vision problem that bad corrected with contact lenses? There must be an audible squeak every time she blinks.
I would’ve imagined Broke In Butte’s question would be more appropriately addressed to Ask Wendy.
Shoe: Dear Broke,
There are plenty of ways to make money on the internet. For example, if your butte is already broken-in, might I suggest starting an OnlyFans account?
JP: Sure enough, Sam goes straight to Alan’s house for a week or two of “I can’t be-lieve you did this!” and “I’m… I’m sorry.” It’s the biggest waste of everyone’s time possible (especially the readers), so naturally Marciuliano is all over it with a drunkenly slurred battle roar and a belly flop. Oh well. At least we might get some more wacky retconning to tide us over.
Luann: I had to look this up, but sure enough there was once a use of the verb “crown” that meant to beat someone over the head. Pretty obscure usage, but let’s go with that over my interpretation of this threat which involved something more… anatomically challenging. (Then again, who knows? The Evanses are into some really weird shit.)
MW: given that Dawn is legally blind how important is it that Dirk is gorgeous?
MW: yes and how much longer can this keep on, given that there’s a serious problem here and Dawn appears to be unhappy about it?
@jroggs:
Luann: I had to look this up, but sure enough there was once a use of the verb “crown” that meant to beat someone over the head.
Pretty common usage in the Three Stooges shorts
SHOE could have suggested saving on overhead by mooching off a neighbor’s wi-fi, since that’s apparently what he’s doing. Unless he has some kind of treethernet.
MW: Since Jared was mentioned early on, I half expect him to gallop to Dawn’s rescue. But what, realistically, is he going to do; squirt ketchup in Dirk’s face and run?
RMMD: Get out there, Summer! Messrs. Brees, Skwash and Campe await you!
MW: I’ll assume Dawn squirts ketchup on the table due to nervous clumsiness from fear of her abusive boyfriend. It’s the only thing that makes sense other than she’s “white cane” blind.
H&L: No snark today. I really like this one. Maybe it’s this cold winter morning affecting my mood. I like the realistic detail of Hi using a log carrier, and the panel where he’s joyfully reaching down to pick up his little baby is really sweet, as is the contentment the two show in setting by the fire.
Alright, enough of this sappy sentimentality. Back to my usual cold, black-hearted snark.
This Mary Worth storyline is sadly all too realistic in its depiction of emotional abuse and manipulation
Um, sir, I believe you are confused. If Mary Worth has taught us anything, it is that these behaviors are “endearing quirks.”
@astroboy: The entire Weston clan is “unlucky at love”, demonstrated many times over. Sad.
Shoe: ‘Start an OnlyFans. Not only will you make money on the internet, but you’ll learn the real meaning of “Broke in Butte”.’
@Tom:
Disturbing, isn’t it? If Moy & Co wanted to help people they would make this series a PSA on how to help people stuck in toxic relationships. But they don’t, so they won’t. [I hope I’m wrong.]
RMMD: Tell me more! Tell me more!
RMMD: Summer is perimenopausal which in some cases can greatly reduce sex drive. No problem. Doctor Rex can prescribe topical estrogen which will help with that and reduce dangerous UTIs.
Ha, ha, just kidding. What ever Summer’s underlying issue is it won’t be resolved medically.
MW Maybe Dirk slipped something into Dawn’s drink and she’s about to pass out, or at least be more amenable to going to his apartment for a “good time.”
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – I first wondered if Summer realized that women have no obligation to change their names. Then it was revealed that her last name is Knight, something I never knew nor cared about. Here’s hoping she meets a guy whose last name is Fuckfest.
I am familiar with the CAT FUD Far Side cartoon, but I never knew – and still don’t – what Cat Fud is or what the spelling-challenged dog meant it to say. So after Josh referenced it, I did what any logical person would do and googled Cat Fud. There are Reddit pages on that topic with people saying they didn’t know what it was until their 10-year-old niece explained it to them.
So I didn’t feel so stupid anymore for not knowing, but I still don’t know what Cat Fud means. A little help here?
MW: Dirk tells Dawn to go sit in the car while he finishes his lunch in peace and not to waste gas playing the radio. She complies.
Not snark just sad reality of serial abusers.
H&L: Trixie Flagston, infrared radiation junkie.
MW: Did Dawn drive herself there?
JP: So Sam went to Alan’s house right after meeting with Yelich, which means Sam and Yelich’s breakfast lasted all day long, since it’s dark now. Hope they left a nice tip.
MW: Dawn no doubt blames herself for upsetting Dirk and hopes he will forgive her. Because, you know, he’s so dreamy.
CS: I imagine that the only reason that somebody who just needs some kind of income would not want a job where you work for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon and then spend the rest of the day drinking coffee and reading the sports page would be prolonged exposure to Crankshaft.
MW: For as much as Brigman likes to recycle art and draw house pets in physically impossible yoga poses, she is quite skilled at depicting facial expressions. And seeing accurate depictions of fear, stress, and upset on Dawn’s face throughout this is making it flat out uncomfortable to witness.
Duckgirl is the worst spoof of Babygirl. He’ll make her crawl on the floor and eat a bag of breadcrumbs
MW: Duckgirl.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: At the risk of missing your sarcasm, the simple explanation is that the dog is trying to lure the cat into the dryer with the words “cat food.”
Today’s Mary Worth confuses me.
As Dirk says to Dawn “Get your problem fixed” by which I interpreted that Dirk was concerned about her stumbling around blindly, THEN comes the next panel where he declares that he has complete control over her.
Mary Worth: Dirk is a past version of Wilbur, somehow flung forward from the past.
Thanks. And no sarcasm there – I really was that clueless.
Mary Worth: So, before turning physically violent (wait a week), Dirk is warming his victim up with the emotional abuse of calling her “Nerdgirl,” “Stevie Wonder,” and “Duckgirl”? Well I guess we can see where his warped personality is coming from. He’s frustrated: he’d like to be clever, but. . .
H&L: Hi has amassed pile of uncovered logs in the middle of winter, and imagines starting a fire by lighting them directly with no kindling.
Today’s comic is Trixie’s hallucination while dying by hypothermic exposure.
MW: Wow, that escalated quickly. Dirk apparently seems to be operating on the scammer model where you deliberately include obvious red flags so only complete morons who you can easily string along are roped in, only in this case, he’s gone almost straight from negging to “I control you!” without even trying to do all of the usual abuser prep work, which only someone with literally no spine whatsoever would accept.
Ahahahah, it’s funny because Dawn is in an abusive relationship! Wait a minute, that’s not funny, that’s horrifying! Are you crazy Moy, you cannot make Mary Worth suddenly realistic and depressing?!?!
MW – I refuse to believe she has any ability to see anything other than vague colors or shapes,
This is actually a pretty good description of my uncorrected vision. I, nonetheless, would by this time have squirted that entire bottle of ketchup, full force, at the vague flesh colored blob from which the vitriol was emanating.
Dawn is a doormat part (there really needs to be a cardinal number for Aleph Prime to count this high).
Shoe: Today’s comic dedicated to the influencer community on TikTok.
MW – “The one who cares the least is obviously constipated, cuz they don’t give a shit.”
DD – It makes me think of that party gag where they put a baby doll and a diaper on a platter, fill the diaper with bean dip and use it as a buffet table centerpiece – hilarious….
H&L – Burn baby burn – Flagstone to inferno – burn baby burn – burn the mother down….
Shoe – I’m about to lose my Tic-Toc gig. How can I serve my Chinese overlords now….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
H&L: I’ve come to accept Trixie sitting alone all day in the damaging ultraviolet rays of the sun. However, the thought of her crawling around near a roaring fire with no fire screen is a little unnerving to me.
@Hibbleton: As jroggs said, archaic. Of course I remember that usage too, but that Tiffany should be using it is an example of how badly they write. Of course their target audience probably remembers the Three Stooges as shorts that ran between the newsreels and the feature at the movie theater.
Blondie: I guess depending on your inclinations. This is either the worst or best booty call ever.
DD: The brochure just says “ba ba ba” all over it, and Daddy is interpreting it, like he does the kid’s speech. So he has learned to write, but only the first two letters of the alphabet, which is still pretty good.
MW: If she shot ketchup all over him, and then said she mistook him for a basket of fries, and called him Mr. Potato Head, this would be a lot more effective in a worm-turning way. But we all know Dawn’s worm is never going to turn. It’s going to take Mary’s platitudinous counsel to get Dawn out of this one. Dawn is at something of a disadvantage in this relationship, because she’s the one who went all Tex Avery cartoon wolf over Dirk the Bowler.
But when WILBUR is abusive to his girlfriends (and girlfriend’s cat) and stalks them… that’s “endearing quirks“
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I only vaguely remember the cartoon, but my recollection is that the dog was labeling something lethal to cats “Cat Food” in an effort to off the cat.
MW: Assuming the quote is about a two person relationship, it should be the “less” or “lesser.”
That is all.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Ah, this is idyllic!”
“Now I understand why you wished you could be a tree, Polonio”
“Yeah, I guess so…”
“But I really never thought about the hammock part of it!”
mary worth – no one has asked how dirk is affording all these dates when he only works PART TIME at the mall . you would have thought the roast beef platters would have broke the bank two weeks ago
From yesterday:
Guillermo el chiclero
January 11th, 2025 at 10:38 am Reply
GT: Sweat from her wrestling practice, my ass. Wouldn’t she have showered before going home? By the looks of that whitish goo I’d say Keri was giving her boyfriend a handjob in the car.
**
Reminds me of the penguin whose car was acting up so he took it to a mechanic, who said it would be about an hour to diagnose the problem. The penguin went across the street to a diner and came back in an hour. The mechanic said, “Looks like you blew a seal.”
“No,” said the penguin. “That’s just mayonnaise.”
Slylock: First seductively blowing a harmonica Cassandra and then how to draw a sex doll cowgirl, Weber is really feeling it today.
Curtis: I always believed that the animals on Noah’s Ark were just normal animals that had no exceptional awareness or ability and had to be captured to be put onto the Ark. Is this story with the chimps actually supposed to be a metaphor for persons of color? I know that would be incredibly racially offensive but what other explanation is there for what he is talking about?
@richardf8: Thanks. Maybe this is a reflection of where my mind is all the time, but all I could think of was that it was supposed to be CAT PUD.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: A lot of Far Side jokes can be this to people, I cite the infamous “Cow Tools” joke as the peak of incomprehensibility.
Also, to quote a Simpsons joke, where Homer finds a Far Side Calendar, flipping through the pages.
“I don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it. Hahahahaha…. I don’t get it.”
Shoe should have just replied “Feet pics”, but then I realised that they are birds, so I don’t know whether there is a market for “claws pics”
@Anonymous: Classic Animaniacs did a Noah’s Ark cartoon, a very overlooked gag, is where Buster and Babs Bunny from Tiny Toons show up on the ark and say their introductory catchphrase.
Buster: I’m Buster Bunny
Babs: I’m Babs Bunny
Both: No relation!
Noah: I should hope not… this is a kid’s show!
The overlooked part is that I only recently realized, that beloved childhood cartoon characters Buster and Babs Bunny are not only officially put into a Sex/Incest joke, but the fact it’s confirmed that they came to the ark to get it on.
MW: My guess is that this arch ends with Mary saving Dawn from this abusive relationship while at the same time making sure Dawn understands that this actually is her fault.
“Mary, my abusive boyfriend keeps calling me ‘duckgirl’!”
“Dawn, I know it’s weird, but sometimes you need to accomodate the desires of your partners, even if you think they are bizzarre or not very masculine”
“What has this to do with being a ‘duckgirl’?”
“Oh ‘duck’! Sorry, I thought you said ‘dickg…'[BANNED for lewdness and/or transphobia]”
No joke, if Wilbur comes home and kicks Dirk’s ass, we will forgive him a lot. Like, a lot!
MW: Dirk, please don’t be mean to Dawn. That’s our job.
RMMD: I got it!! They’re gonna name Summer’s soon-to-be-adopted Pet “Smoke”!! “Summer and Smoke”!!! That’s genius, Mr. B! We have some premium Gray clients available now for your selection.
I know you said “don’t call us, we’ll call you” – but I hope all is forgiven about the unacceptable fruit baskets….