Soapy Tuesday
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/7/25
Look, I get it, soap opera strips are a slow-moving medium, you can’t count on people reading every day so you have to repeat stuff, etc., etc. But I think if you start the week by introducing a new storyline, like “Sarah’s ex-babysitter Kelly, who used to be a hot goth but was transformed into a square-ass loser by long-term exposure to the Morgans, is in college now,” by Tuesday you should have advanced beyond the “Wow, linear time sure does progress” phone call stage.
The Phantom, 1/7/25
The Phantom recently wrapped up a story arc that lasted literally seven years, so I guess we have to understand that its pacing game is on a different level. Throughout this whole “there’s a novelty pub in London where everyone’s been punched by the Phantom” plotline, we’ve been seeing bits of an interview the proprietor did on a thinly veiled version of the Graham Norton Show where he dishes on Phantom lore. Not sure if this is an attempt to get new readers up to speed on the strip; I think it’s a bit too impressionistic for that, but I do admire the narrative ambition.
Mary Worth, 1/7/25
Mary Worth, as always, shows how it’s done. Nothing much happens in today’s strip per se … but a crucial decision has been made that we feel in our bones will lead to wacky results, and now we’re on the edge of our seats waiting to learn what those results will be. Maybe Dawn will end up making out with the incorrect slab-shaped man down at the club, maybe she’ll put hot sauce in her salad instead of ranch dressing and have a meltdown on her date, or maybe she’ll simply mow Ian down with her car as she swerves around the Charterstone parking lot. The possibilities are endless!
146 replies to “Soapy Tuesday”
Mary Worth: If you hate being called “Nerdgirl” and have told your date that, and he persists in calling you “Nerdgirl” anyway, I would think that would indicate…oh wait, she’s a Weston. Forget I said anything.
RMMD. Time moves so fast that Kelly is apparently now at least five years older than her own mother.
“I hate wearing my spine, yet I hate when Dirk calls me ‘spineless!’ …I’d better leave it at home.”
Phantom: Let’s just hope Graham doesn’t have Old Man Mozz lined up to tell a story in the Big Red Chair, or we’ll be here another seven years.
RMMD: Kelly might not be old enough to be independent just yet, but everyone in Glenwood is old enough for middle-aged phone conversations.
Phantom: Baldie’s sentence pauses last so long that his hair grew back in.
DT: Another day, another crateful of evidence showing that Costello did no research about anything he’s writing. Ad seps do exist, but they don’t work like this at all, least of all in this manner where it sounds more like Junior is gently being broken up with like a well-meaning boyfriend that his CO just didn’t quite see a future with.
JP: What possibilities either of these simpletons are talking about, who knows? More importantly, what does it matter? I’m getting tired of saying it, but it just keeps being the most relevant issue: none of these people have talked to Ann about what happened. Not her obsessed father, not her inconsistently interested brother, not the CIA superspy, not her lawyers, not even the frigging police or DA. This cart has been screaming down the road for miles with no brakes and the horse hasn’t even been born yet.
H&L: “Th-th-tha-a-at i-i-is-s-n’t-t th-the c-car r-r-rem-m-mote-te, Th-th-thirs-s-ty-y.”
RMMD: I’m pretty proud that I was actually able to dig up a recollection of who that even IS.
MW: So, when Dawn totals her car driving blind, will she sue Dirk for damages and mental anguish? On a TV court show? Or would that be just too IMPROBABLY STUPID for belief?
MW: Dawn steps off the curb and right in front of a four horse McCormick reaper driven by Mr Alora.
I saw a commercial for The Graham Norton show yesterday, that was literally the first time I had ever heard of him.
And now I see a reference to him in The Phantom? (Which was written about months in advance)
This has always been a weird personal phenomenon with me.
Alongside
-Store products being discontinued immediately when I decide that I like them.
-Reddit mods locking a thread containing a controversial discussion right at the exact moment that I’m typing a reply. (Despite the thread had been up for hours prior)
Sorry, that’s incorrect. Grover Cleveland was born in Caldwell, NJ not Philadelphia.
@Hibbleton: You beat me to it. I was thinking they’d go ice skating and Dawn would step in front of a Zamboni.
FC: For all its faults, sometimes this strip really nails big brother dickishness.
@Charterstoned: Maybe Carlos Alora could be driving the Zamboni, as a second job.
@Giant Pondering Otter: That’s not Graham Norton, that’s Derek Jacobi, star of I, Claudius and Vicious. I know what happens now, the Ghost Who Walks shows up and asks, “Where’s Ian McKellan?”
RMMD I like the narration text on this one, as it seems to serve as a caption, some like “Still Life with Fruit”
@Charterstoned:
An ecologically correct four-horse Zamboni.
To all of you Orthodox Christians who still mark your religious holidays by the Julian Calendar, merry Christmas.
RMMD:
“Mom, I find myself distracted from my studies by the frequent lightning strikes here, one of which you can see between our second and third panels!”
MW: So now instead of calling Dawn “Nerdgirl,” Dirk can call her Mr. Magoo.
The Phantom:
“And yet others still say that he is man, wolf and phantasm, leading to the portmanteau ‘manwasm‘ !”
GT: There is some improvement in illustrating basketball players moving today. The first panel shows visualization i wasn’t expecting.
MW:
If Dawn were to literally “wing it” and be observed through a plane window, that would truly be “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet.”
Rex Morgan, M.D.: I have seen the future drift of Dandadan, and I can’t say I’m pleased. (IYKYK)
Mary Worth: No, Dawn, honey! Going without glasses is how you wound up dating Jared! It could happen again!
The Phantom: It’s the goon’s cauliflower ear that really sells it. “He marked me for my sins, forever changing me and saving me from a life of crime. Then he whaled on my ear, just for the fun of it!”
CS: Oh I know! You could hire Amazon to pick up and drop off the kids! [My genius amazes me sometimes!]
JP: I’ve noticed that these two always sit at the counter rather than in a booth. I guess it makes it easier for both of them to give each other the side eye.
MW: Without her glasses, Dirk’s handsomeness is no longer apparent. Thus Dawn can base her assessment of him on just his personality and the way he treats her. Will she finally realize that the guy’s a jerk? Not likely.
So anyway, whatever happened to the big ski trip with Jared and his girlfriend?
MW: Never go full Simple Jack, Dawn.
GT: Leo’s big night is all the more amazing considering that he has no muscles, tendons, or ligaments in his right wrist. It just kind of flaps around.
If “Nerdgirl” torments her so, I’d shudder to see her reaction at being insulted by a functioning, intelligent human.
@Buck Ripsnort: Derek Jacobi also played one of the incarnations of The Master in Doctor Who, he was only on screen for 5 minutes (technically he was in the entire episode, although not as The Master for most of it) he did the role SO WELL, that he was considered one of the greatest actors to portray him.
That is just the mark of a very talented actor.
If I grew hair like the guy in the phantom, I definitely wouldn’t Bic it. Is he some kind of germ freak with an astronomical razor bill?
Dawn’s going to be a Magoo for a new millennium. The same vision problems and the same brushes with death, just with none of that Silent Generation self-confidence or humour.
MW. Dawn – look into LASIK surgery
MW: “…or maybe I could just stop seeing that dick. Decisions, decisions…”
Phantom: It’s a shame that Americans only know Graham Norton from his interviews, and not from his extremely bitchy commentary at Eurovision, because I’d love to see him bringing some of that camp energy to Phantom. “Oh now here comes the representative from Bangalla, and you will not believe what he’s wearing. Oh honey. They say stripes make you look longer, so I’ve got to ask ‘Are those stripy speedos compensating for something?'”
As an aside, there’s a Magic the Gathering (and sometimes Lorcana) content creator who uses the name MTGNerdGirl, NerdGirl for short. She really needs to sue Karen Moy for destroying her brand in a Dawn Weston story line.
Far be it from me to tell the creators of a brilliant comic strip like Dustin how to do their job, but maybe a gag about somebody eating a cookie they don’t even like would work better from the character whose main personality trait is “compulsive eater”.
Rex Morgan, MD – I am sure the soap opera strips still hold to some outdated idea that there are people who resolve every year to be better on following current events, hence why January was the month for new storylines and reintroducing characters to old readers who slacked off, and new ones just getting in. But that makes about as much sense as MTV running a series of “Best Of” Ridiculousness compellations to help new cable subscribers catch up on all 42 seasons and 1,500+ episodes of the series that have aired since 2011.
The Phantom – The pacing is so slow, the guest on this show has gone from completely bald to growing noticeable hair just in the space of one question being asked.
Mary Worth – Dawn’s going to win Jared back by being under his care after her stint in the ER
RMMD-“It just seems like you were in high school for decades.”
MW-Hilarity ensues when Dawn drives down the street and runs down a person on the sidewalk when there is no self-absorbed fat man to push the person out of the way.
Mary Worth: Power goes to Dirk’s head: “Still wearing a bra, ‘Nerdgirl‘?”
Unfortunately, this is not the only thing where Dawn will prioritise avoiding awkward conversations over terrible consequences by deciding to go raw
MW – Oh, I know this plot from The Brady Bunch! Except, Jan only crashed her bike and no one got injured, whereas Dawn’s going to crash her car and get injured. Hopefully not seriously, I wouldn’t even wish that on Daw…oh, hell, I’ll just admit it. I at least hope the conflagration burns off her hair-don’t and she can start over in the tonsorial department.
“Inside of you there are two wolves. One is the Phantom, the other is the Phantom’s companion wolf. Now this is tricky, because the Phantom also has two wolves inside…”
@MKay: She’ll put on some old spooky ring she found and skull punch him.
Mary Worth – I’m excited for the opportunity to repurpose Helen Keller jokes: Dawn Weston walked into a bar . . . and a table, and a chair, and a wall . . .
DT: Freshly baked croissants at the mess hall tonight, to go with the peas and meat loaf. The U.S. Armed Forces are certainly pampered these days.
Crank: Come on, you’re in northeast Ohio. There’s thousands of junkies around who’d jump at a simple job like driving school bus; you don’t even need to be sober.
JP: Yelich mulls over the classic “waffles vs. pancakes” dilemma.
RMMD: Four months at college and Kelly’s roommate hasn’t offered to give her a makeover yet? My hands would be itching to get into that limp, stringy hair. “The headband goes first, geek. What were you even thinking?”
MW…and then Dawn ends up in the hospital, and Dirk the Jerk doesn’t even come to see her, or he does, but he insults her, and meanwhile Jared calls off his ski trip to attend to Dawn, which pisses off Jess, and re-endears him to Dawn, and then Jared and Dawn end up back together (ugh!). The end.
Bookmarking this to see how right I end up being.
Fifty years ago today, American newsreaders contemplated a sharp decline in auto sales, the US Treasury was having trouble selling gold at under $160 per ounce (It peaked at $850 per ounce just four years later), the Senate prepared to take up adjudicating the results of the recent Senate election in New Hampshire and the AP suggested 1974 Oscar candidates for Best Picture (including Godfather Part II and Young Frankenstein) were rehashes of prior movies.
Meanwhile, Peanuts provided a joke about New Hampshire’s most famous poet, Dick Tracy sought a suspect’s car, Donald Duck address his own money problems, and Kerry Drake mocked someone who objected to his smoking in his living room.
The only consequence of this glasses snadu will be she can’t see the piece of spinach in her teeth so he starts calling her “goat girl” instead.
Flash Gordon: Nice tribute to Alex Raymond as the strip celebrates its 95th anniversary today.
RMMD – The RMMD code today – Hard Trust Know Yesterday – fuckin’ right….
Phantom – Some say that cat Phantom is one bad mother…shut yo mouth! Well, we’re on cable….
MW – And thus was born, Ms Magoo….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Phantom: “All we know is….. HE’S CALLED THE STIG!”
DT: “He kept saying the “inside voice” parts outside!”
MW: In exploring the concept of “negging,” Karen Moy has inadvertently stumbled on another modern relationship neologism, the “pick-me girl.”
Phantom: I’m just finishing up M.A. Carrick’s Rook and Rose trilogy (pretty good epic fantasy, think Game of Thrones-style social and character development but without Game of Thrones-style incest and relentless pessimism), wherein the titular Rook is a vigilante/folk hero who’s been around some two hundred years. There are rumors he’s immortal, but many assume (correctly, it turns out) that the role is passed down through the generations, with a new Rook taking up the identity when the old one dies/retires. I’m surprised the patrons of the Skull and Jaw haven’t come to a similar conclusion, instead going with much more reasonable theories like “he must be some sort of deathless wolf-man, I guess.”
RMMD: Surely they have something more interesting to talk ab–oh wait, sorry, forgot I was talking about Rex Morgan for a second. Yeah, the inevitable passage of time is pretty much the highlight of their lives right now.
The Ghost Who Trends — What’s next, a livestream from the Skull Cave? A Diana Only Fans channel? A Bandar duolingo course?
Don Abundio, translated:
“They say the speargun is a formidable weapon”
“But to me it seems useless”
“These stupid fish never have any money!”
9C: Alistair is no Lucy Van Pelt and Brooke is no Charles Schulz. I paraphrase Tom Servo: “Man, never refer a good comic in the middle of your crappy comic.”
Pibgorn: It’s been 151 days since the last update. Think they’re finally done shagging?
MW: So, what cruel nickname will Dirk come up with for Dawn when she can’t see at all? “Daredevil”? “Mr. Magoo”? “Blind Girl”? Yeah, probably “Blind Girl”. Dirk is not a man of strong imagination.
C’shaft: “You think I want to be on the road with Ed Crankshaft? I’m not crazy!”
DT: “Sorry, Totten, but we can’t have blatant white supremacists in the US military. If only you’d stayed a covert white supremacist; you would have made a great commanding officer.”
Dustin: I’m just glad Dustin and Dustdad don’t know about the “in bed” rule.
GT: Maybe the MIlford football team would do better if it wasn’t made up entirely of the Milford basketball team.
Lio: Come on, Lio, get with the times. It’s all about hating on Cybertrucks now.
Luann: Yeesh, no wonder Luann’s been in college forever. You’d think by now she would have taken at least one accounting or intro to business course.
@astroboy: He brings her* a giant Teddy bear
*The woman in the bed next to Dawn’s.
MW: This is either going to be a don’t change yourself for a man type storyline OR…a Mr. Magoo storyline and frankly I’m absolutely giddy with the possibilities for either!
@Liam: If Mary Worth was written by Tom Batiuk, he would have Dawn inexplicitly travel back in time, and end up being the car that almost runs into the kid that Wilbur pushes out of the way.
MW: “I’ll just go without and wing it,” mutters Dawn as she walks right into a wall…
Peanuts: Peppermint Patty’s got moxie!! You go, girl!!
Wrecks Moregone:
Yes, I was wondering about the breathtaking speed of this strip while I am literally reduced to using multiple split panels to move my story arcs along, but then I’m an amateur and not paid by the panel. Even so, I don’t think I could manage Wrecks Moregone’s lightning speed.
@Mr. A: Surely he’ll stylize it as “Blindgirl,” just like “Nerdgirl” and “Greengirl” beforehand.
Wary Morth:
If we can’t have Dusk pregnant, can we at least have Dusk crashing her car while half blind and ending up in hospital/prison?
Could she perhaps keep her spectacles on while driving and take them off before meeting Dirk?
No, I guess.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Viennese Plugger Landlord: “There was a third man.”
Dustin: Here’s a clue: it was baked in a factory and arrived at your table sealed in cellophane. If you want a cookie that tastes good, go to a bakery. Didn’t they cover that in your college courses?
9CL: Charles Schulz is going to come back from the dead to take bloody revenge on McEldowney. Or just haunt his ass to an early grave.
The Phantom: I’d guess the name of the host is “Graham Adjacent,” but that kind of advanced wordplay is not within the realm of The Ghost Who Walks’ special powers.
Phantdumb….some call him the space cowboy, some call him Meowreesee…he’s A luncher, A huncher, A midnight puncher.”
Phantom: Busty starlet is wearing a patch on her left buttcheek leaking a slow release of cocaine into her bloodstream. Hence the broad smile and why she’s not fallen asleep yet.
The Phantdumb: “Some say he never dies, time can’t touch him!” “Cant touch this!” “No, M.C.! That wasn’t your cue to come out!” “But I’ve been in your f-ing green room for nine years!” “Then another twenty minutes aren’t gonna kill you, will they?”
MW: I’m probably the only one thinking about this but I thought the proverb about men not making passes at girls who wear glasses was ancient history. Nobody thinks that anymore. There’s nothing off putting about glasses anymore. Besides nerdygirl has a better rhythm than nerdgirl.
Let me withdraw back to irrelevance.
Terry Beatty is this week’s featured cartoonist on Komics Kondom, and I found out that he taught at the art and design school in my hometown.
There’s a Daria episode where Daria get contacts “for driving” and then has to grapple with the fact that she cares about how she looks despite her identity depending on her not caring what people think about her. When she has an allergic reaction to the contacts she finds she can’t bring herself to go back to glasses, so she goes to high school without any vision correction, which she definitely needs. My point is there’s far more interesting media out there to enjoy besides than this Mary Worth garbage.
Phantom – The We . . . Just . . . Don’t . . . Know from Lex Luthor makes me think of the response of Reese McGuire, then a catcher for the Blue Jays, when he was arrested in a parking lot on a Saturday morning for pleasuring himself. When asked why he was doing that, he said, “I . . . I don’t know.”
Meanwhile, this is must-see stuff, Cal Quantrill – in an FU battle with McGuire a couple seasons ago – referencing McGuire’s solo car date:
Pitcher brings up hitter’s arrest record during trash talk, a breakdown
Watch that. It’s hilarious.
Mark Trail Mix: “Cant get enough of those manatee crisps!” “Oh, no………. Sugar bear!”
JP – Reminder: A year or so ago, Yelich had a drinking problem so severe that the PD put him on leave so he could get treatment. While he was on leave he took a job as Sam’s private investigator. After some time, the PD suddenly ordered him to return to work immediately, with no regard to his “treatment” status. Now he has apparently recovered completely from his severe alcoholism. He’s now behaving like a cliche hard boiled cop.
Another reminder: I have Yelich in the dead pool, so I will be cheering for any danger Marciuliano writes him into.
Mary Worth – All this story is saying to me is that Dawn is a shallow jerk. She’s met her soul mate in Dirk.
Frazz – Caulfield is smug and superior over the people who write checks. Frazz would be proud.
I still write checks, although not a lot. On January 1 I do a very plugger thing and write the new year on the packet of checks in my checkbook. By the time it runs out I’ve adjusted to writing the new date without having to think about it.
What will Dawn do without when Dirk starts calling her Bighead?
Pluggers: If you can hear (or feel) your bones creak, but not the stairs you’re on, you need to put in your hearing aids.
Six Chex:”That’ll be $400.” “It’s an apple.” “Its an official Apple Mary™ apple, see the worm?”
Rex Morgan: Summer and Kelly both really HAVE mutated from their original selves into square-ass WASPs. Just look at the contrast between today’s strip and the one Josh linked to. Kelly as a non-conformist goth, Summer dressed in a tank top without bothering with a bra, and both of them able and willing to act adversarial and defensive; a total contrast to this strip where they’re both studiously dressed in the most conservative attire possible and nothing but polite and sweet at all times, with Kelly in particular totally deferential to her mom. This is actually a trend I’ve noticed with many characters in this strip. Mud Mountain Murphy, for instance, went from a jolly, fun-loving fat dude to a boring straight-laced sadsack apologizing to everyone for not formerly being a boring conformist. I’m starting to think the Morgans emit some kind of radiation that saps the individuality and humanity from everyone around them.
The Phantom: The artist’s drawing of this totally-not-Graham Norton guy is so accurate to the real person that part of me wonders if the comic was originally scripted with the actual Norton but got told off by the lawyers for it. Personally, I think it’d have been way funnier if they risked it and had the real Norton trying to keep a straight face while a professional hired goon talks about the trauma of getting beat up by a guy in purple spandex.
Mary Worth: In any other comic, I would assume this is going to end in Dawn breaking up with Dirk the Dick and learning a valuable lesson about not jumping into things, but this is the hideous world of Mary Worth and I acknowledge a strong possibility that it will instead end in a “compromise” where Dirk stops calling Dawn nerdgirl but also gets to keep emotionally manipulating her into acting like a 50s housewife.
Phantom – They keep bringing in characters from the real world, but somehow it just doesn’t support the illusion. For example, this is clearly a universe where The Phantom doesn’t appear in newspaper comics.
“You don’t know who that guy is? Here, lemme tell ya!”
On the sidewalks of Charterstone, Toby stands transfixed, struck by the realization: Dawn Weston is actually Superman. “No, Toby? No,” says Ian. “We’ve talked about this. They’re just glasses.”
Mary Worth: It does seem kind of unfair that in a strip full of old people. Dawn is one of the few characters who needs glasses. (Oh, did I say unfair? I meant hilarious. You’re such a loser, Nerdgirl!) (Wait, why are you making out with me? Who’da thunk it, negging actually works!)
MW: I haven’t been scouring this site thoroughly, but has anyone challenged the implied proposition that wearing glasses is enough by itself to make you socially awkward, boring, obsessed, and/or unpopular? Don’t you have to actually exhibit those traits? (I guess it’s a form of Show, Don’t Tell.)
To all of you stargazers, Mars will be making one of its closest passes to Earth this month. Look for what appears to be a bright orange star in the Eastern sky after sunset.
Six Chex and A Cat Named Uncle Duke In Search of A Punchline: Moral — If you can’t afford to buy an apple, don’t buy Zonker Harris’ hair at the Celebrity Comic Character Auction.
GA: The HOA storyline is going to be a retread of the “Electric Acres” and the Senator trying to bulldoze Corky’s Diner. Just jump to the end where the Big Bad for the HOA (with the name as a bad Dad Joke for “Big Bad” so we know the person is a Big Bad) gets some official government documents (from George Washington amd Abraham Lincoln themselves) that they can’t do to Walt and/or his property what they want to do.
@Dan: On the sidewalks of Charterstone, Toby stands transfixed, struck by the realization: Dawn Weston is actually Superman. “No, Toby? No,” says Ian. “We’ve talked about this. They’re just glasses.”
_______________________
“But her father IS Stupidman, right?” ” Well, yes, that goes without saying.”
Garfield: See, this is why cat-owners read Garfield, because sometimes, between all the run-into-the-ground gags about spiders and Mondays, you get a moment of “Yep, that’s what owning a cat is like.” Except that Garfield’s bored “whatever” attitude isn’t really a good match for my cat’s histrionics as she tries to convince me she hasn’t been fed all day and I must be misremembering if I think I fed her five minutes ago. So, in conclusion, I’m still not sure why I read Garfield.
JP: “They all lead us to the same conclusion: None of this makes sense on any level.”
“So you’re saying she’s innocent?”
“No, that would make sense on some level. I’m saying the whole thing is completely incoherent from beginning to end.”
Phantom: This is possibly the most niche reference I’ve ever made, which is saying something, but there’s a comedy Doctor Who audio drama set on a space station that’s got elements of Deep Space Nine and Babylon 5, but is mostly a spoof of Moonbase Alpha from Space:1999. Graeme Garden plays the station’s science officer, and his catchphrase is “I don’t know. I just don’t know,” which he says every time anyone asks him a science question. It eventually turns out he’s been drunk for years. Anyway, Neville reminded me of that.
(There’s also sort of a Graham Norton connection now I think about it, since the station is hosting the Intergalactic Song Contest, and Norton currently does Eurovision on the Beeb.)
RIP Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul, and Mary.
@jvwalt: The host’s name is Graham Vincent. DePaul then worried that this joke was too
incredibly obscureclever and subtle, so devoted an entire strip to Stripey not being able to remember the man’s name, but just that it was a British motorbike, suggesting Matchless, Triumph and, yes, actually saying Norton right in the strip. We should probably count ourselves lucky he’s not Graham Avast.@Just John: I think a lot of us have challenged Dirk’s usage of “Nerdgirl”, but more because Dawn doesn’t like it than because it’s inaccurate. The issue is that I think it’s generally held around here that being Dawn is enough to make you socially awkward, boring, obsessed, and/or unpopular, glasses or no. (Personally, I’m all in favour of Dawn dumping Dirkhead, but keeping the specs and going full Geek Pride, but that’s just me.)
RMMD-She doesn’t want her daughter to turn out Luann DeGroot.
Baja:. He’s missing again today. Sure hope he isn’t regurgitating the norovirus, in a coma from a sking accident, or locked upin solitary for having killed Don. Does anyone know? We miss him.
Six Chix-And I expected a joke but here we are.
@Horace Broon: #91
“yes, actually saying Norton right in the strip.”
Wasn’t there a “Norton” character in another strip, like “Judge Parker”? If so, is this the “Phantom/JP” crossover none of us want to see??
@Hibbleton: An ecologically correct four-horse Zamboni.
________________________________________
That would be your basic ZEN-boni, especially if the driver is chomping on a big old meat filled five dollar footlong, as he’s crashing into her.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: #90
Oh my goodness – I love Peter Yarrow and his late song mates, Noel Stookey and Mary Travers. I imagine they are making beautiful harmony in heaven now. His duet of the song “the Great Mandala” with Ritchie Havens is unforgettable. RIP.
Six Chix – Don’t you hate it when a basic
gag-a-daygag-a-weekweirdness-a-week strip tries to go “topical”?I’m not saying Xunise should bring back the sandwich — that bit’s been done into the ground — but I was hoping for some more of the same kind of wackiness. Xunise, you can do wacky AND be topical! Like, I dunno, next week there’s a problem with the $400 apple and she has to take it to the Genius Bar to be fixed. And they tell her it’ll cost so much to fix it, she might as well upgrade to the new model with Bluetooth or whatever.
@Daisy: Wasn’t there a “Norton” character in another strip, like “Judge Parker”? If so, is this the “Phantom/JP” crossover none of us want to see??
________________
There’s A Norton in “The Honeymooners”. “Hey, Phanty-boy! I see you still get around, especially in your spandex waistline!”
@ectojazzmage: #80
“I’m starting to think the Morgans emit some kind of radiation that saps the individuality and humanity from everyone around them.”
Reading the strip definitely has that effect on me…
@McManx: Phantom: Let’s just hope Graham doesn’t have Old Man Mozz lined up to tell a story in the Big Red Chair, or we’ll be here another seven years.
___________________________________________
Pull the lever!
@Peanut Gallery: Xunise, you can do wacky AND be topical!
_________________________________________
Maybe she will be when she comes down from the contact high from Zonker’s wig.
@Liam: You were expecting a joke on a Tuesday?
”That’ll be $400.”
”It’s an apple.”
”It’s a $400 apple.”
There, how’s that? At least Xunise didn’t try to buy eggs. The flying sweatblobs would have been epic.
Luann: “Penis goes where?”
Wow, Josh’s link to “hot goth Kelly” provoked some really weird feelings.
I like the current Rex Morgan artist – he truly gets the up nostril camera angles, and the Giant Hand Gestures, but he doesn’t have quite the appreciation for ogle-able female forms the older artist had. Which is true of the Judge Parker artist succession as well.
Seeing Apt 3G with consistent, euclidean geometry also brought a tear to my eye! It’s not like the Apt 3G’s of 2011(!!!) were great compared to the lush, pin-up style artistry that appeared during the 1960s, but consistent backgrounds are helpful in figuring out what happened in the strip. My only regret is that my home town paper never ran Apt 3-G when I were a lad, and reading newspaper strips on the regular.
Marvin Spanish to English.
AAGGGHHHH: Why Baja Gaijin does not play golf.
Bliss: mouse – “This game didn’t seem as shitty on TV.”
MW: In Dawn, the quasi-biblical adage tha, “There are none so blind as those who will not see” is embodied in the most thuddingly literal way possible.
Phantom: “Some say girls must be discreet, nursing their fathers locked inside, they masquerades as his bride.”
RMMD: Well I thought once we were past Christmas break and in the first full week of the year an actual plot would commence, but once again Beatty has subverted my expectations. Postmodern!
@Just John: MW: has anyone challenged the implied proposition that wearing glasses is enough by itself to make you socially awkward, boring, obsessed, and/or unpopular? Don’t you have to actually exhibit those traits? (I guess it’s a form of Show, Don’t Tell.)
It’s not just Karen Moy: over at Luann one of the Trufans gushed over Luann’s (incredibly brief) love interest Phil as “a little bit nerdy” upon his first appearance, based solely on the fact that he was wearing glasses. It was such a stretch that even the other Trufans called that person out.
@TheDiva: Luann: Yeesh, no wonder Luann’s been in college forever. You’d think by now she would have taken at least one accounting or intro to business course.
She was too busy taking Art 101 eight times in a row.
C-Shaft: *sigh* There’s going to be another week of Amazon jokes, isn’t there.
Dustin: We all know fortune cookies are rubbery and flavorless. Dustin’s acting like he’s surprised is either commitment to the bit or anterograde amnesia.
GT: Gil’s team is just running up the score, which is good for them but still Marty Moon’s not really missing anything.
JP: Of course at this point what’s most important in the case is which perspective the DA chooses to see, so that’s who Sam really wants to talk to. But blah-blah-blah, appearance impropriety, yadda-yadda, so he has to be satisfied with flapping his jaws at Detective Peter Graves here.
Luann: Luann and Bernice are still having the same boring and annoying conversation but I guess we’re supposed to be grateful it’s not being drawn 80s-style.
Ziggy: Wait, is that the top of a brick wall they’re leaning on? Never mind geezering, both of them are Kilroying.
@Sequitur:
#107. Just a geometry question. Would teeing off from a height a tually increase a golfers distance,? Providing he doesn’t get a shaving cream pie in the face.
Is it the c______s that scared Baja away?
@113 Activist:
Somewhat but mostly having to run around the fairway on stilts.
BETTY:. This kid will never make it on The Apprentice. Like racism, greed must be instilled early in life until it becomes a part of the psychological, social, physical makeup.
PEANUTS:. Peppermint Patty is a girl of action.
MW,:. I still insist shallow Dawn does not merit the term Nerd. You gotta at least look intellectual for that.
RMMD:. Conversation is a little painful. Whenever I talked to Mom after high school, it wasn’t about classes or aging but was a push to find a husband.
Gil Twerp: “Oh no, the Milford players have been huffing helium again…Leo’s right hand has sprung a leak!”
@Daisy:
Peter Yarrow’s cover of “Buddy Can You Spare A Dime” was also great.
Dustin: “Well, what does your fortune actually say?”
“It says, “Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.’ Huh, I swear I’ve gotten that one before.”
@Activist: re RMMD and the Mrs. degree… it could be worse. my mother kept wanting me to drop out of that college “club” I was devoting a lot of time to. That “club” was an Air Force ROTC unit, and was paying my tuition.
MW: Maybe Dawn & Hannah Dingdon will run into each other. Literally! And then, after a megameddle, Mary will take them both to the animal shelter because Dogs Are Good. (Makes as much sense as anything.)
Oh, Magoo, you’ve done it again.
And seeing-eye dogs are BEST!
@Daisy: I, too, love Peter, Paul, and Mary. Noel Paul is the only surviving member now.
I love their version of The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.
@Daisy: Convicted child molesters don’t go to heaven.
@Kenny Copeland: There are other people who believe in a heaven that will disagree with you. Some say all you need to do is say the magic words and all is forgiven.
@Just John: Dawn’s dad wears glasses, but I don’t think Lasik would help. Well, one less expense the next time he goes overboard on a cruise ship, I guess.
@Pozzo: MW: “…or maybe I could just stop seeing that dick. Decisions, decisions…”
________________
” Of course, if I take off my glasses, I’ll automatically stop seeing him! Win,win!” (Dawn high fives a weeping willow.)
@Kenny Copeland: #123
@Nobody: #124
In my personal understanding of Christianity, no one is beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness. Receiving this forgiveness is a matter of the heart and sincere repentance. We don’t know the state of Yarrow’s soul when he died but I believe in the infinite love and mercy of God.
My stating that Peter and Mary are enjoying harmony in heaven was more fanciful than a statement of theological truth, a gentle way of saying that is where I hope they are, like sayin* “All dogs go to heaven.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: … where he led a seminar, “How to Draw Young Children as Middle Aged Adults.”
@Daisy: On his deathbed, WC Fields was reading a Bible.
A friend stopped in and said I didn’t know you are a believer.
Fields replied: “Just looking for loopholes.”
@Just John: has anyone challenged the implied proposition that wearing glasses is enough by itself to make you socially awkward, boring, obsessed, and/or unpopular? Don’t you have to actually exhibit those traits?
________________________________
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@Daisy: Peter will spend eternity locked in a room with Roman Polanski and Woody Allen, until the last trumpet sounds.
After 200,000 years, they get a Pinochle deck.
@Die Rosenkavalieren: megameddle
___________________________________
Isnt that Mary Worth’s MCU villian nickname?
MW: A nearsighted Dawn will stumble down a well and Bella and Pierre will find a rope and rescue her because dogs are good.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
#119. Al, you must have then served in the military after graduation, possibly during a war. Thanks for your service which was real unpopular back then
FRAZZ:. Afraid our favorite little genius is wrong on two accounts.
1) I and some of my neighbors pay our rent every month using checks, so we have proof.
2) no history extra credit this year as you merely remembered his joke from last year instead of figuring out why it was funny.
For the record, when I opened an account at my new bank four months ago, the rep was amazed– befuddled– as to why I would want to order checks. Guess it’s a generational thing.
Gil Thorp: The spectators are wearing bags over their heads in support of Marty Moon. (Get it? In the bag?)
@133 Guillermo el chiclero:
Tomorrow you will see the first of Dawn’s vision impaired faux pas.
@GarrisonSkunk: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
…Though, ‘Vita-mayo-vege-MOY’ was right there!
@Sequitur: Dirk asks her to thread a needle for him, I bet!
So far what we know of Dirk is that he disrespects Darn for not eating meat, and disrespects Dawn for having glasses. I know Karen Moy likes to write for the hate readers but what possible rationale does Dawn have for spending time with him?
@Amelie Wikström: PS. “Darn” was a typo but admit it works as a nickname.
@Amelie Wikström: Dawn will bamboozle Dirk by wearing meat and eating glass.
@138 Ukulele Ike:
She can’t get out of her room.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I’m excited for the opportunity to repurpose Helen Keller jokes: Dawn Weston walked into a bar . . . and a table, and a chair, and a wall . . .
Q: Why can’t Helen Keller drive a car?
A: Because she’s dead, you sexist pig.
@Amelie Wikström: PS. “Darn” was a typo but admit it works as a nickname.
She hates when you call her that, but puts up with it because you’re so attractive.
@143 Maude R. Fawker:
She’s not dead, she’s pining for the fjords.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Helen Keller jokes
You people should stop making fun of Helen Keller, a courageous and inspirational woman who learned to read and to write despite being from Alabama.