“Guy with glasses looks at cop,” exactly the sort of front-page photo that grabs the reader
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Gil Thorp, 2/19/25
Gil Thorp of course always deals with teen issues both of-the-moment and timeless, and there’s one of the latter type that I don’t think we’ve seen before, which is the phenomenon of the Horse Girl. We’ve actually been in the middle of a wrestling-themed story for the past few days so I’m not sure if this is a classic Thorp-style abrupt transition to the spring B-plot, which will involve the intensely competitive and hitherto undocumented Valley Conference equestrian tournament, or if Valley Conference wrestling follows WWE rules and allows unorthodox techniques like riding a horse into the ring. Either way, I’m looking forward to learning more about this young athlete who loves Silver in a way that the Lone Ranger never could.
Heathcliff, 2/19/25
It’s very true that you can’t judge a book by its cover. There really are people out there who appear to be ordinary, solid citizens — collared shirts, flattop haircuts, the whole nine yards — and yet behind closed doors full-on bathe in meat, like absolute freaks. Only animals with powerful noses can identify these sickos!
Dick Tracy, 2/19/25
Today’s Dick Tracy really has a lot to say about contemporary journalism. Sam reacts with irritation and impatience to Dick’s attempt to explain the corpsenapping background to him: “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he says, thrusting a broadsheet into Dick’s face. “I know all that, I read about it in our constitutionally protected free press, ever heard of it?” But in the final panel, a local citizen refers to “tottering Tribune towers,” a reference to the fact that Chicago’s largest newspaper was forced into bankruptcy by vulture capitalists and is now part of a hedge-fund-owned chain that’s increasingly starved of resources. (The tower in this case is metaphorical, as the real one was sold and converted to condos in 2018.)
The Lockhorns, 2/19/25
Cases in divorce court almost never involve jury trials, of course, which means that Leroy lied to Loretta about having jury duty and convinced her to accompany him to the courthouse just so he could do this bit. Ironically, this just shows that he’s willing to put in the work to keep their dysfunctional marriage fresh and interesting.
141 replies to ““Guy with glasses looks at cop,” exactly the sort of front-page photo that grabs the reader”
Gil Thorp:
“Hiyo. Silver!”
“Ed McMahon! — what are you doing here?”
That girl looks like she’s taking a bite out of Silver’s face
My wife is a court clerk in NY (where the Lockhorns takes place) and, yes, they do occasionally have jury trials in divorce cases.
TL: I wondered whether the Lockhorns’ joke was originally about a uxoricide trial and the editor forced them to neuter it
Lady, alliteration might not be officially a crime, but don’t think this will stop Tracy from shooting you!
Anyone who takes meat baths would have their yard filled with hungry animals from miles around. And I don’t know this from personal experience, honestly, and hey, no kink-shaming!
Heathcliff turned Elizabeth Báthory into a man, truly the era of DEI is over!
GT: She changed the horse’s name to Silver after he got second place in the last horse sportsball contest. She won’t let him forget he’s a failure.
Heath: Is “That just happened” a typical response to this strip?
DT: “BODY SNATCHED! Police officers baffled by robbery of the corpse of the lab rat known as Snuffles.”
Lockhorns: “And the judge said we have to stay married for at least another 50 years as punishment.”
DT:
“Alliterative arithmetic asymptotic adapted apartments! — whoa, wait a minute. What did I just say???”
Lockhorns: Meanwhile, Loretta has been swiping right like mad, just in case.
GT:
“But I know she can’t beat me.”
“Don’t be a neighsayer!”
MW: Truly, Moy is a master of fiction. Lesser writers would be concerned with things like “how will the psychological scars of abuse impact Dawn’s relationships moving forward?” or “will Dirk come back for revenge when Dawn is no longer in public?” But Moy knows what the readers truly care about: “Has this experience turned Dawn off of bowling?”
Heathcliff: So is a meat bath when you sit in a bathtub of meat juices and drippings, or is it sitting in a bathtub of meat itself? Is the meat raw or cooked? Red meat? Pork? Poultry? A combination? Do Catholics substitute meat baths for fish baths on Friday? I need answers, yet I fear to have them.
“Meat bath” is some sort of gay coded euphemism and Heathcliff is the head of the local chapter of the Moral Majority.
Luann: Not sure why Luann felt compelled to giving Mrs. Horner a poem about finding a glove up her hoo-hah, but whatever.
CS: What about comic strip replacement surgery?
9CL: Our story so far: Amos, intending to throw a snowball at Edda, accidentally targeted the scary nun at such a low velocity that Edda could intercept it, and now Edda is angry at Amos for throwing the snowball, plus the nun has noticed Edda beating the tar out of Amos. I think.
GT – I thought the traditional greeting was, Hi-Yo….
Heathcliff – Entrepreneurial concept – meat/blood scented men’s cologne. It will bing out the savage beast in her….
DT – I dig the picture of the cop on the front page making the universal, what the fuck do you expect me to do about it, gesture. I wish more public servants could be as direct about their commitment and intentions….
Shlockhorns – They said I wasn’t a human peer, but they’d put me on the list of potential jurors for homunculi defendants….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: “This might be worse than that time I met and broke up with someone on the Ferris wheel.” “It must be tragic for you to return to a place where magic was made originally, only to have the memory soured.” “‘Return?’ No, that happened on the same ride.”
FC: Thel knows which child is going in the fireplace next.
Dustin: “Don’t be silly. I actually care about cows.”
DT: I’m trying to remember, did the PBS superhero parody “Wordgirl” have a villain that used alliteration as their shtick? This is going to bug me now…
So, Teen Horse Girls are a phenomenon. That would explain the plethora of teen horse girl recs I get on YouTube. For some reason many of them seem to be named “Evelyn.” The girls, not the horses. All of which is odd, because I am neither a teen nor a girl, and I’m not particularly into horses. Improve your algorithms, YouTube!
Pluggers get hungry at meal time. Nobody else does that.
@Fizzle: That girl looks like she’s taking a bite out of Silver’s face
__________________________
Are we sure this is Gil Twerp and not a McGruff PSA?
Take A Bite Out Of Horse Crime….watch “MURDER, SHE WHINNIED” starring M. Mare.
@The Rambling Otter: But then again, in that show most of the villains’ word gimmicks were meant to be obnoxious.
The Butcher: Butchers the English language (also has meat related powers)
Lady Redundant Woman: Speaks in redundancies (also can create copies of herself)
Nocan the Contrarian: Is very contrary.
Meanwhile alliteration I wouldn’t call it bad, per say, as it can be very nice on the ears at times.
Heathcliff: While domestic cats have a sharper sense of smell than humans, it’s not particularly keen compared to other animals. Now, if this guy really took meat baths, every beagle in a nine-state area would be battering down his door to get at that heavenly aroma. (Heathcliff would still be the first to eat his corpse. Cats are assholes.)
Why is everyone wearing black in Dick Tracy? Did somebody die? I mean, I’m sure several suspects have, recently and gruesomely, but those usually don’t get mourned.
The Familliar Mucus:”Mommy,I’m censoring your Upper Frontals from those Comic Commudgeon Creeps!”
“WE MAKE HOLES IN COMICS”- The Comic Commudgeon Creeps
The One Where Billy Becomes Self Aware.
MW: I mean at least Dawn is really learning the important lesson here of never EVER bowling again…
MW – The root of Dawn’s problem is that her only criterion for dating Dirk was that he’s good looking, and the only reason she put up with his outrageously abusive behavior was that he’s good looking. So, of course, both Mary and Dawn will completely miss the point. Yes, the evil bowling alley is at fault, Dawn. You go with that.
@astroboy: So, Teen Horse Girls are a phenomenon.
________________________
Well, they were when Home star Runner was still being updated.
Lockhorns: We don’t normally get to see Leroy’s family, except for his freakish doppelganger mother. Is she getting divorced? Did she commit one grotesque mother-in-lawism too many and alienate her husband (who, for completeness, should also look like Loretta in male drag)?
Heathcliffe: I don’t think he’s even noticed Heathcliffe watching from the window. He just wants to stop his meat baths for other unrelated reasons. Health reasons, probably. Can only imagine the salmonella situation around this guy’s junk.
Gil Thorp: Silver, dead-eyed, stands pondering. How many teen girls has this been for whom he has served as a transitional object of affection, as they move from dolls to fathers to adult love and then their own foals and fillies? Silver cares not, he was gelded long ago. Now he is docile at best, saturnine at worst, on the cold and wet days when he has no blanket to keep him warm. As long as the oats come and the stable is mucked, he is content. Joy is the occasional apple or carrot, ecstasy the opportunity to run through grass. Tonight, the blonde girl will dream of Silver. He will forget she ever existed, until the morning. He is content, as content as any horse can be, or so he thinks.
DT: so Captain Haddock’s kids settled in neo-Chicago?
@astroboy: I am neither a teen nor a girl, and I’m not particularly into horses.
__________________________
You mean,like Catherine the Great?
Dick Tracy: I kind of unironically love the cop on page one: “So what you want to do is let the vegetables caramelize before you reduce the sauce. You want a great mutton chukka, it’s what you gotta do! Oh yeah, I guess somebody tried to steal a stiff or something, too.”
@Garrison Skunk: She wasn’t into horses. She was under them.
Lockhorns: Based on the stiletto that Loretta is holding, she went along with Leroy’s strange and strained comedy bit so she could shiv somebody in the courthouse. That truly opens up a host of new possibilities for this comic strip.
Heathcliff: Based on the fogged-up window–so thick you can’t even see these people’s feet–Heathcliff is more interested in another kind of meat.
GT: Why is she so into horses? Probably the face she sees looking back at her in the mirror.
Gil Thorp: “I know she spends all day sniffing horses. Unlike me, who just snorts horse.”
Is Dick Tracy trying and failing to dabble in gothic fashion today? Every character is dressed head-to-toe in black, and has black hair. Maybe there’s a new colorist who misunderstood what ‘detective noir’ is.
@Rube: Pluggers get hungry at meal time. Nobody else does that.
____________________________
Melvin Mustachedog will return as Agent 007 in “For Your Chicken Thighs Only”
(Cue Sheena Easton)
Nobody gets hungry better/Makes me long for the rest/no-one does hungry better/Plugger, you’re the best.
I’ve read some Slylock Fox so I fancy myself a bit of a detective, Tracy, and may be able to help you. Has anyone with a criminal-sounding name like “Sneaky Snake” or “Always Lion” been seen around the morgue wearing an unusually large coat on a particularly warm day?
Heathcliff: He switched to meat baths after his vegetable baths attracted hundreds of feral rabbits to his yard every day.
MW: Not exactly bowling’s loss, Dawn.
CS: “With back replacement surgery, your back will take a month to get better or about 30 days, whichever comes first — or last, whatever.”
FC: If Thel has to go through another damn snow day she’s going to scream.
JP: “I owe them everything, and that sucks!”
MW: Wow, does even Mary have the stuff to convince Dawn that yes, she CAN don those rented shoes again? The world is holding its breath.
GT: “Girls Love Horses” is a recognized phase. Not sure if/why it becomes a problem that needs intervention. Not sure I want to know.
@taig: CS: What about comic strip replacement surgery?
_______________________
Paging Doctor Darling, Dr. John Darling.
MW – What are all the other places Dawn now avoids because of painful memories of a “break up”? The college? The diner? The hospital?
Is she the type who would boil a guy’s rabbit? (I mean that literally, not metaphorically or in the euphemistic way that some people, such as Sex-Negative Nellie, would infer.)
“There’s nothing in the rules that says a horse can’t play basketball!”
“Uh, Rule 18.2, clause 6.b, Coach. ‘No quadrupeds.’ They call it the ‘Air Bud’ rule for some reason.”
H&L: Trixie, starring in “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”
Pluggers: No, his best alarm clock is his prostate. Take it from one who knows.
RMMD: Kelly has nothing to worry about. Teach is going to get sick of that stupid hairdo real fast. She wears it that way so she’ll never have to wash it.
Dustin: Ed’s such an annoying pain in the ass that even RFK Jr. would say, “Let him eat meat. He’ll die sooner.”
I’ll play! Dawn avoids airports (Hugo) the ocean (Jim) Horse stables (Dr. Drew) The hospital (Dr. Ned) Yoga studios (Harlan) and anything Star Wars-related (Jared)
Just off the top o’ my noggin.
@MKay: I mean, I remember the controversy surrounding “Bronies” but now girls are apparently getting ostracized too?
@astroboy: I would just love for every single one of these characters to return, team up and hold an intervention for Dawn as to why she should NEVER date again.
GT: Is that Britney S[p]ears, Inma’s arch wrestling enemy? Is that Dorothy who smells so good? Is that an entirely new character? Is that Torch? Is that Mimi aka Emily? Is Meemaw dead? What the heck is happening???
The Lockhorns-Leroy took Homer Simpson’s advice and said he was racist against everyone.
MW-Dawn is upset because she never got to meet Dirk’s brother Dick.
@Lauralot: Thus leading to a bowling redemption story and the opening of a new bowling lane with karaoke so both Westons can wallow in their insipidness.
@astroboy: Going to class. Europe. That French restaurant that changes its name constantly.
@QWERTY: I believe one of my favourite trials, was during a child-custody case, the ex-husband accused the ex-wife of being a “homeless drug addict” the enraged ex-wife immediately ran across the courtroom to beat him up, she was subdued by the bailiffs and then she started beating them up, then she escaped the scuffle and fled the room. Then a few seconds later came back in to continue beating up more people, this went on for a while and she was eventually subdued and arrested.
Edit: I’m not saying that I condone violence or scuffles or the like, I found it interesting in the “Wow, this is something that just happened.” sense.
The art in Gil Thorp is insulting. I assume this is a new character but for all I know its one that’s been around for decades but has been rendered unrecognizable by the current “artist”
To me, the new GT art looks like first sketches for artwork that was never completed.
@The Rambling Otter: per se
GT: My goodness, Josh! You gave me quite a start this morning! I thought I was being featured – in my new Pale Horse mode at the Mawitaan Livery Stable, only with Heloise! And I didn’t remember doing the scene! I’m relieved to see that it’s only some minor comic that I’d never appear in. I have no idea who that Horse is… at least
shehethey have a character name.You know, those oats I had last night may have tasted a little off…
DT: The outfit says “genderfluid Realtor,” the posture says “three-year-old throwing a tantrum,” and the language says “parody of a nineteenth century robber baron.” Someone needs to work on their branding.
GT: I’m guessing this is Inma’s wrestling rival, who we last saw when Keri punched her out for her Islamaphobic trash talking, subsequently causing them to spiral into an anorexia-induced sugar coma. So maybe this is the A-plot, and Rodney Barnes being the subject of a student-made documentary that frames him as brash and arrogant is the B-plot? Or maybe it’s the other way around? I don’t know, it will all be forgotten in a couple weeks as we pivot to some new drama with Coach Permawave anyway.
Luann-Luann is hoping an older lady wears her like a glove.
I assume Heathcliff is pasted to that window like a classic Kit-Cat Klock, but instead of his tail swishing back and forth in metronomic monotony, it’s his tongue, lolling left and right like a meat windshield wiper, while his eyes, full of murder, stare straight at his chosen victim.
Hägår thé Hørrïblê:
After launching his long planned coup d’etat and deposing Hägår, Lücký Êddïé became the dictator he’d always accused his predecessor of being.
Dustin: It takes a lot of work to make the Lockhorns look like a happy, loving couple, but damn if the Kudliks don’t pull it off.
JP: “Look, I just expect everything to go my way without any inconvenience or burden on me, is that so hard to accept?”
MW: From how well Dawn was bowling, I’d say she wasn’t doing it much to begin with.
Gil Thorp-Shame that’s not a white horse.
RMMD takes advantage of its sliding timescale to make readers ask “How old is Kelly, anyway, so why would she care about her mom dating a previous teacher?”
And said readers aren’t so interested as to archive dive for a year of back entries.
MW “And the worst part is, I found it so enjoyable and was getting so good at it!”
BG&SS is set in a rural area where a nonagenarian can discern the preponderance of habits around him as “bad” for his health. I call bullshit.
CS: Therapy? The kind he needs you can’t give him.
Luann recites her poem, but it really only goes over with the aged audience when she continues with “Finding Lube”.
Heathcliff-“You’ve got to come out of that house sometime. Garbage Ape, throw a trash can through the front window.”
@taig:
Garfield Sr. – Heathcliff under its current artist is extremely surreal. It includes recurring themes like the Garbage Ape, random robots, a Man-Eating Giant, and of course, the Meat Tank. I love it.
“Oh, God,” thinks Silver, “she’s starting the foreplay again. Let’s get this over with. I’ll close my eyes and think of oats. Mmmmmm. Oats.”
All jokey snark aside, I don’t get today’s Gil Thorp’s phrasing and emphasis. Emphasizing only the last “me” seems pointless, and “beat” seems like the right word to bold instead.
Also, the “but” should be replaced with an “and”. There’s no contradiction between her not being privileged and her not being able to beat whoever’s talking.
Dustin: Why can’t the Kudlicks have an honest conversation about how they eat? I mean, no snark just talking with clear expression of preferences and the whys behind their choices.
And, the return of the Heathcliff Weird Moon. Wrong phase as usual, unless this conversation is taking place at 4 am. Which, given the circumstances, it could be. At least the shadow on it isn’t square.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’m your biggest fan, Juan! Remember this autographed picture?”
“Of course!”
“What did you think of my latest movie?”
“The real star was that adorable dog who stole all the scenes from you”
“Mom can be so tactless sometimes!”
Between Friends: Look, I love Canada. I could live happily in Toronto or Montreal or Vancouver. But if anyone had to choose between those cities and PARIS? C’mon.
Add back doctors to those who have earned Batuik’s scorn.
Dustin: Grass-fed, grass-finished beef is easily available, you bimbo.
RMMD: They’ll have a lot to talk about, anyway.
“That Kelly is such a shit.”
“I know, I know.”
Zits: It’s a good thing that we now live in a world that has Chat GPT and a plethora of other ways to quickly produce a multi page document that in past decades would have been very tedious.
Heathcliff: This is a Son of Sam situation, this guy is a psychotic serial killer who believes that this cat he sees watching him is ordering him to kill and bath in the blood of his victims.
Mother Goose: My husband was having an affair with an actual Nanny Goat, because he likes to fuck goats! Anyway how is life as a literal goose-person?
Gil Thorp – @astroboy: That was my thought, too. I was one of the few who liked the artwork of the last artist, because I thought that it had a kind of goofy charm. The current artwork looks like the artist sketched it and didn’t bother to finish it.
FC – Wait a minute. Billy can’t be a moron. That’s Jeffy’s shtick.
JP – Yeah, they were homeless, but they turned out to be wealthy heiresses. This is Judge Parker, where the poors aren’t really poor.
Mary Worth – Mary panics because she can’t immediately remember a platitude about bowling.
Strike while the bowling ball is hot?
Sometimes life deals you gutter balls?
Pluggers – I call BS. Pluggers are constantly snacking, so they’re never hungry. They still eat meals right on schedule, dadgummit.
Gil Thorp – Horse girl or not, this whole strip could use a good shovel.
@The Rambling Otter: #45: It’s more of a phase of development during pre-adolescence. I had model horses when I was a kid. That was WAY yonder many years ago.
MW-“Dawn, if you like emotionally abusive men then I have one for you. His name is Wilbur Weston.”
Crankshaft: The doctor’s obvious joke about therapy being useless gets no love from Batiuk, who won’t even grant his character an on-panel smirk.
Heathcliff: Presenting the new Health Secretary’s prescription for getting iron nutrients without pills.
(WOW, this is one of the most bizarre Heathcliff’s ever. Right up there with Garbage Ape and HAM!)
BTW: thanks Josh for that link to that Tribune Building site. It was thrilling to see how they saved the building but oh so sad to know a once-great newspaper was destroyed. I hope the lobby is somehow open to the public. Say what you will about Col. McCormick’s politics and eccentricities….he was damn serious about the role of public journalism.
Heathcliff: At first I pictured a bathtub brimming with lamb shanks or turkey drumsticks, but then I recalled a long ago visit to the mud baths of Calistoga. Fill the tub with a mix of ground beef, pork, and veal, beat in a couple dozen eggs and a bucket of fresh bread crumbs, add a few cups of parsley and oregano, salt and pepper to taste.
Voila — Meat Loaf Bath.
Dick Tracy: Fun fact: What’s now the Tribune Content Agency — which still publishes Dick Tracy, along with many other classic comics — was founded in 1918, largely as a way for the Chicago Tribune to distribute its family strip The Gumps to other papers across the country. So in a way, this Dick Tracy comic strip has more in common with the original Chicago Tribune than the newspaper itself does. And now they’re talking about it IN Dick Tracy? That’s more meta than Sam reading a headline that would make your head explode, just as his own head is about to be taken off by a low-hanging ceiling fan!
But in the final panel, a local citizen refers to “tottering Tribune towers,” a reference to the fact that Chicago’s largest newspaper was forced into bankruptcy by vulture capitalists and is now part of a hedge-fund-owned chain that’s increasingly starved of resources. (The tower in this case is metaphorical, as the real one was sold and converted to condos in 2018.)
Cool! It’s the Comics Curmudgeon/Daily Cartoonist crossover we never knew we needed!
@Ukulele Ike:
I’d Eat Anything For Love (But I Won’t Eat That)
@Little Blue Bicycle: It’s Britney, and equestrianism is the ultimate WASP marker, and I hope Inma not only kicks her ass, but takes her horse and puts on a dressage display that thoroughly dresses her down!
(And I think I’ll leave that last turn of phrase dangling for the Puerile Humor Generator 0x1B39).
Gil Thorp: This feels like a strip that would happen just before the horse is tragically assassinated and his owner is sent on a John Wick-esque revenge spree.
Heathcliff: The red-shirted man has only enough time to make this lame, incoherent joke before Heathcliff bursts through the glass and eats the flesh on his bones.
Lockhorns: Leroy has an expression that just screams “yeah, I know, this one doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, but what do you want from me? I’ve been having to come up with ways to verbally abuse my wife since the 60s, a man runs out of material.”
@Peanut Gallery:
Meat Loaf Bath. I’d Eat Anything For Love (But I Won’t Eat That)
I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna eat you!
Dustin: my late wife and I didn’t always agree about diet but we talked about our differences and worked it out.
FG: I hadn’t noticed it before, but I unironically love how this gladiator-games-loving governor looks exactly like a corrupt governor of a Roman province in Asterix.
GT: I’m intrigued how this seems to be backwards from the usual sports story tropes, with Horse Girl determined she can beat her opponent even though she comes from privilege and her opponent doesn’t. Not so intrigued I’m going to start reading Gil Thorp again, though.
…wait, horses, privileged blonde girls who think they’re hard done by. Are we quite sure this isn’t a Judge Parker script that got handed to the artist by mistake?
HtH: It’s funny because the Viking can’t kidnap this woman as a sex slave due to weight restrictions on the longboat!
Heath: “Meat baths” reminds me of that xkcd where a guy buying ice for a party is lured into a house and wakes up in a bath full of liver without his ice. And, funny though it was, I never want to be reminded of that.
JP: I thought the Mr Spock “these human emotions are highly illogical” bit was Sophie’s schtick, not Reena’s?
DT: This is like Tommy Lee Jones getting the latest intelligence on human/space creature interactions by stopping for a couple of tabloids at the newsstand.
If I had the skills, I’d replace Sam’s newspaper with the classic NY Post: “Headless Body in Topless Bar”.
@richardf8: “equestrianism is the ultimate WASP marker”
At the Olympics a few years ago, there was coverage of “poet of the working guy” Bruce Springsteen watching his daughter compete in the equestrian events.
DT: Is this Neo-Chicago’s version of “By jungle law, the Ghost Who Walks calls forth the power of ten tigers”?
Meat Loaf did a helluva job singing hard rock during his brief stint with Ted Nugent. I wish he had stuck with that.
@ectojazzmage, GT: The Sopranos did it first. Really. Look up “Pie-O-My”.
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@UncleJeff:
@richardf8: “equestrianism is the ultimate WASP marker”
At the Olympics a few years ago, there was coverage of “poet of the working guy” Bruce Springsteen watching his daughter compete in the equestrian events.
Coincidentally, I happened to listen to my Springsteen greatest hits album yesterday, and I thought that it had not aged well. I used to love his stuff, but many of those old songs today just struck me as whiny and self-pitying. I didn’t enjoy them as much as I used to.
@Cleveland Mocks: @Cleveland Mocks: Bruce was in his twenties when he wrote most of those songs.
Now he is 75 years old.
(Let THAT sink in).
I have Sirius/XM in my car and the other day, the Springsteen Channel played a concert from this past Halloween.
Bruce’s voice is finally getting a little dry and creaky.
@Peanut Gallery: “You’re soaking in it!” — Madge the Manicurist
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
@Horace Broon: re: FG: I posted on Monday how much I liked guest artist Bone’s “Bigfoot” cartoon style. The image of Hydrox as a young successful gladiator seemed suspiciously Asterix-y.
JUDGE PARKER: Oh look! Despite all odds, Judge Parker managed to expand into a new media market! That has to be what happened, right, since we’re getting the “Welcome to Judge Parker: Spencer Girls’ Origin Story” introductory pack here?
@I speak Jive: Re: Mary Worth: It’s going to be something about “picking up the spare” with lots of “subtle” hints rhapsodizing Jared’s “endearing quirks.”
@2+2=7: King Features is green with envy over the big profits earned by the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Over the next few years, we’ll see three-hour film epics based on Judge Parker, Rex Morgan, MD, and Mary Worth, including scenes of Neddy, June, and Dawn bare-ass nekkid.
Luann-After that you should hear Luann’s other poem entitled “Love Gun”.
BG&SS: “Unheal Thy Livin’!!” When random kerning produces a killer opening line to a sermon.
LUANN: Poor senile Ms. Hoover has woefully misinterpreted Luann’s ode to safe sex (“No glove/no love” goes just one sonnet)
LUANN (2): Actually the misunderstanding goes even deeper then we think, as this isn’t “metaphorical” or even a poem; as Luann just turned in a page ripped from her old first-grade diary about when she literally lost a mitten.
Rubes: Baja Gaijin‘s favorite clown.
(If he’s trolling here THAT should get a reaction out of him.)
@astroboy: Art museums (Dave).
LH – Loretta’s standing there with her tablet, pissed as hell because her Stardew Valley character got killed by a green slime while she listens to Leroy. She thought voir dire would give her time to get to at least level 5 in the town caverns, but leave it to Leroy to fail out of a jury pool in under 5 minutes.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
@UncleJeff:
Bruce’s voice is finally getting a little dry and creaky.
It’s hard going to concerts of some of the greats. I saw Willie Nelson, maybe 10 years ago now – and it was rough. Worth it, but still rough.
@Sequitur: The weed from over the septic tank is really the shit.
Erma Bombeck
LUANN:. As much as I prefer the older Lu who is poised around Nil and Phil, I’m also disappointed she didn’t follow through with the blood drive. Ok, New Year’s was too soon but Valentine’s Day would have been perfect.
BETTY:. Same with hubby (Bubba?). Maybe he couldn’t get that IKEA endtable made for Christmas, but surely by VD!
Perhaps both Lu and Bub need help with their memories.
@Activist:
#110. fRAZZ:. Or on focusing, as does Caulfield
CURTIS:. Wait a minute, isn’t one of the bullies in the same class as Curtis, smiling at the teacher?
BF:. But she wouldn’t like be him if he weren’t her boss.
MW and RMMD:. The creeps SHALL return.
FG:. Isn’t this “Canterbury Tales?”
DT: We don’t know for sure yet if the lesbian standup comic who really likes alliteration is Dick’s latest adversary but as Doubleup would says she’s got her gimmick picked out. Picked out.
GT: On the GoComics site Silver shows up with a brown coat, which makes me wonder if Barajas is about to tackle the heartbreak of teen colorblindness.
Lockhorns: It’s always been assumed that the Lockhorns never had kids. I mean, for numerous reasons one would hope not. But looking at Loretta’s profile here, I’m wondering if there’s some family connection between them and beloved-if-forgotten comics character Henry.
BB: If Gen. Halftrack will voluntarily Ludovico Technique himself some prostitutes near Camp Swampy must have hair-raising stories to tell.
C-Shaft: Not too hard to see the doctor going for that. How often does Crankshaft walk into places and beg to get fleeced?
HotC: Heart could tell the gang what happened to Dean Martin’s actual son if she’s willing to bring the party—such as it is—down.
Luann: The Q&A session with the author will more properly be called a “Q session.”
MW: If Mary just advises Dawn to avoid bad memories by switching from tenpin to duckpin bowling we might have this mess wrapped up by Sunday.
RMMD: Uh-oh, looks like we’re in for some duh-RAMA! Oh wait. Kelly’s in college and hasn’t seen this guy in years. Who cares?
Shoe: Cosmo and Roz look out at us while he stews about someone else laughing at him. Nothing to worry about, chief.
@KDF021: The art in Gil Thorp is insulting. I assume this is a new character
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“The horse is new, but the girl is a rerun. I’m gonna be your number 1Nuuuuuuuuuuuuumber One one one one….”- Blondie (adapted)
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
A bit of the ol’ ultra-boredom…
@Activist: FG:. Isn’t this “Canterbury Tales?
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Thats the miniseries Sid lined up for Mel Mare.
GT – The middle panel looks like the animation from the music video of “Money for Nothing.”
That ain’t drawin’ / That’s the way you do it…
@Activist: MW and RMMD:. The creeps SHALL return
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“WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!”
@Artist formerly known as Ben: MW: If Mary just advises Dawn to avoid bad memories by switching from tenpin to duckpin bowling we might have this mess wrapped up by Sunday
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Mary will just sell Dawn the complete DVD set of “Celebrity Bowling For Dollars” “Dawn dear, get drawn in to the majesty of Charles Nelson Reilly’s hook shot and the way the ball lightly bounces off of Jamie Farr’s nose.”
MW: Alone in his apartment, Dirk stares at his personal bowling ball. His eyes light up as he focuses in on the thumb hole. “Who needs Dawn?”
SlylickFox And Comix For Kinx: In the first panel the dog is (judging by his eyebrows) taking a rather painful poop.
@Garrison Skunk: Reilly had quite the legacy between Horatio J. HooDoo, Jose Chung, and that.
Gil Thorpe – Maybe this will lead to a recreation of the rather infamous WCW match where Terry Funk almost got decapitated by a horse.
@Garrison Skunk:
Garrison, I don’t understand the “WE MAKE HOLES IN . . .” Bit. Saw it yesterday, and here it is again today.
What the hole?
DTs: Hey – do you suppose the guy with glasses in the photo is Clark Kent? Will Superman burst through the window and give Dick and Sam an indignant lecture about law and order and the American Way?
*I’m renaming the strip DTs, as in delirium tremens, because that’s the feeling I get from reading it…with or without liquor.
MW: …Gott im Himmel…we are being trolled, aren’t we? Can Dawn actually be so psychically void that the only thing she regrets about her breakup with Dirk the narcissistic Jerk is that she can never go bowling again??? Are there not more bowling establishments in Santa Royale that she could visit? Are there not other sports she could learn? Are there no other possible activities she might consider investigating, like a community theatre group? Has she thought about giving her time in service to those more unfortunate than her so she could put her troubles in perspective? Has she thought about adopting a puppy from a shelter? No? Well, then, life is brutal…
As usual, Dawn flubs the pronunciation. She meant “Mary, I can never go boweling again.”
@Daisy:
Daisy, the answer to your questions would be No, Yes, Maybe, No (we’re talking Dawn here), Not interested, Are you kidding, Oh ick, No, It is.
@Cleveland Mocks: #129
Of course, I know all those questions were rhetorical, unlike the one I ask myself every day, “Why do I keep reading this absurd drivel? Am I punishing myself?”
@Daisy: #127
Yikes – I must hasten to add for *Sid’s* benefit, that I would never expect someone as self-absorbed and immature as Dawn to even think about adopting a shelter pet…literally, that is something that would never enter her mind, as it would require her to focus on something besides herself. It’s okay, Sid – you can breathe easy! (Although I am a bit worried about Willa…is *she* still breathing??)
Heathcliff: I still don’t know what a meat bath is, but in trying to research it I ran across something called the Kentucky Meat Shower, which sounds like a sexual variation you don’t want to look up on Urban Dictionary even on a dare, but in fact is an event that may possibly have actually happened for real no kidding pinkie swear, when meat fell from the sky, conveniently before the age of cell phones having cameras.
The other explanation that kept coming up for meat bath was a type of sous vide cooking.
Neither one makes any sense in the Heathcliff cartoon today, which I suppose is par for the course?
@Daisy: It’s especially strange that Dawn is upset that she’s giving up bowling, because the story established that she sucked at the sport. It’s not like she has to drop out of the world championship bowling tour.
MW: Dawn, stop this pointless exchange about bowling, which Mary knows via the word on the street you are just terrible at anyway. Simply praise Mary and move on with your life. Praise her for her wise advice which you will totally take to heart going forward. There is no other way, else you will remain caught in this endless Twilight Zone loop of muffins and gray goop and Splak on your plate for dinner after dinner. Praise her! Praise her! Praise like you’ve never praised anyone or anything before. Praise like your life depends on it! Because it does!
@ectojazzmage:
Keep hope alive.
@I speak Jive: It’s especially strange that Dawn is upset that she’s giving up bowling, because the story established that she sucked at the sport.
It’s unstated but likely that she also sucked at Dirk’s abode, après-bowl, but she’s not giving up that either.
@Daisy: Oh, don’t worry
your pretty little headabout Willa! She – and Stellan – are just fine and nowhere near the Weston household! Yes, we have reached an impasse with The Ladies regarding her contract, so don’t expect to see her in Mary Worth any time soon. And as for providing a Shelter Pet for Dawn – that is of course out of the question. Why, that would be as crazy as placing a new Puppy in the Sally Forth comic.@Cleveland Mocks:
#125. “We put holes in teeth” might refer to villains in a old Crest™ commercial.
@Activist: The Cavity Creeps.
@I speak Jive: #133
I know!! How ridiculous is that?? I swear..
I just…I can’t…. *banging head on keyboard* I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE! AIEEE!
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: #137
Yeah – as if “Sally Forth” isn’t manic enough without a puppy!!
P.S. hey Sid…what’s that malarkey about “not worrying my pretty little head”…huh??? I know you big city types think you can say and do anything just because you’ve got the big bucks (okay…I really did mean that figuratively, apologies to the Elk) and that Hollywood vibe…but I’ve heard a thing or two from some of your former “interns” and…well, it isn’t pretty…but you can buy my silence by arranging a private “meet & greet” and a spin around town in the saddle with Melody Mare…whaddya say, Sid ol’ boy? *hic*