Josh goes off in some weird directions
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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/15/25
Hey, here’s a fun fact for you: did you know that ventriloquists don’t “throw” their voices anywhere? They just learn to speak with their mouths closed while working a puppet to match their speech, which creates the illusion that the voice is coming from elsewhere, because our sense of vision is much more precise than our sense of hearing and we tend to lock on to the moving puppet and assume that’s where the sound is coming from (and it’s generally not too far from the puppeteer anyway). Advanced practitioners can alter their voice to be softer so it seems to be coming from far away, but nobody can actually make it sound like it’s coming from a completely different direction. And yet there are so many comics and cartoons that imply otherwise! Much like this one! I attribute it to comics and ventriloquism emerging from the same milieu of popular entertainment and so cartoonists felt they would be violating kayfabe if they let on how it worked, but it’s also possible they didn’t know either because you couldn’t just look stuff up on Wikipedia back then, and now we’re stuck with the tropes. Anyway, my point is that as a child, I, like I assume many of you, had wildly incorrect ideas about ventriloquism, so thanks a lot, comics. And don’t even get me started on quicksand!
Heathcliff, 2/15/25
Oh, are you saying a robot and a cat can’t be friends, Grandpa Nutmeg??? I guess this really is the last acceptable prejudice, huh. (Not going into the details of what “this” might refer to, please write some fanfic about it if it interests you.)
Dennis the Menace, 2/15/25
I’m not sure what exactly Dennis is blathering on about — like is he saying that he did a bunch of sins over the past week because he hadn’t heard the good news about how he shouldn’t or something, maybe? — but I don’t actually think that’s important, because he’s only talking to distract the minister so he can get close enough to deliver a solid punch to the nuts. And the minister knows it! That’s good defensive use of the Holy Bible there, rev, I know they don’t teach that at seminary, you learned it from hard experience.
143 replies to “Josh goes off in some weird directions”
RMMD:
“Now, what were we talking about?”
“I was about to tell you that, what with my being an English teacher and all, I dabble a little bit in badinage. In fact, right now I’m copleting a parodic take on Oscar Wilde’s ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’ that I’ve called ‘The Significance of Being Sincere’ !”
“No. Don’t say it, Augie.”
“Yep. It’s a play on words on a play on words!”
RMMD:
Oh, look. The Mystery Science Theater 3000 creatures are behind Summer and Augie. And they’ve brought a couple of their friends!
RMMD:
“Do you see this look of smug self-satisfaction on my face, Summer? — I’m inspired to verse!
“Love Gloat!
Love, inciting, and through
Come aboard; I’m expecting spew
Love, life’s bleakest reward
Let it go; it bloats back to you
The Love Gloat soon will be making a smothered run
The Love Gloat promises numb things for everyone
Set a course for indenture
Your mind on a skewed romance
Love won’t spurt any fun
It’s a gropin’ pile on unfriendly shores
“The Love Gloat soon will be making a smothered run
The Love Gloat promises numb things for everyone
Set a course for indenture
Your mind on a skewed romance
Love won’t spurt any fun
It’s a gropin’ pile on unfriendly shores
It’s love! It’s love! It’s love!
It’s the Love Gloat! It’s the Love Gloat!”
BG&SS: “Yeah, but the cow’s still rubbing up against me! I mean, what the hell?”
DtM:
Geez. Even the clergy here has rosacea.
DtM:
“Go to hell, Dennis. Literally.”
Heathcliff. What really bothers Grandpa is the crudely drawn, but clearly recognizable, R2D2 in the gym window. Kinky robot-cat shenanigans are one thing, but infringing on the intellectual property of the extremely litigious Disney-Lucasfilm corporation is very much quite another.
Dustin: At this point, hatred, scorn, and rejection are the only emotions Dustin recognizes. After all, it’s the only emotions he’s ever received from his family…and apparently every living creature on Earth.
Luann: So this whole week’s story was about how Brad couldn’t get his “cake” to rise, so he needed TJ’s help to get his “cake” into a form that would please Toni?
Sigmund Freud is spinning in his grave right now.
DtM: The most menacing thing about this panel is that Alice is mortified and Henry isn’t. Specifically she committed those sins last week, and he knows it. Sick.
HtH: Scientist still have deciphered the lost Nordic art of color photography.
BG&SS: There even used to be a synergy between comics and ventriloquism. Those comic book ads for stuff like x-ray specs included one for a book on how to throw your voice.
BG&SS – A cow is a cow, and no big wow; And no one can talk to a cow, how now; Unless somehow, that crazy cow….
Heathcliff – Is that some Illuminati script over Heathcliff? Fuck the satanic taskmasters – robot overlords all the way….
DtM – Yeah – some competent spiritual inspiration and KC would have pulled it off….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Bob Tice: Alice has pink cheeks. Dennis has pink cheeks. The minister has pink cheeks. Henry does not have pink cheeks. By “last Sunday” Dennis means “nine months before I was born.”
The Lockhorns-Loretta’s purse is bigger on the inside.
FC-That’s a rock.
MW-“That the salmon I ate tonight tasted funny.”
RMMD-“Oh yes. Now if you excuse me there is another bar I have to go to. Don’t follow me.”
Dennis is looking thin in this one. Alice’s shitty cooking is part of her long play to be rid of this menace. Or instead of adderall, she started giving him ozempic. Who is the real menace now?
Heath.: Two Americans standing in front of a never ending row of linked DeepSeek AI servers are unnerved by its early attempt at producing a Heathcliff strip.
BGSS: Ok, weird question, but are there any kind of defined conventions for how Hill Billy Speak gets rendered into our flatlander Standard English? “L’arned?” What the hell is that? LUH-ur-ned? So what, all of a sudden we’re pronouncing past tense suffixes but splitting up digraphs? Can we get a linguist in here to sort this shit out?
Heathcliff: I think Gramps is mainly bothered by a very Star Wars looking droid in that gym, as he know just how litigious the Walt Disney Company can be. In the worst possible scenario, Heathcliff becomes their property in an out-of-court settlement and they’re all forced into a trilogy of truly awful CGI films.
DtM: Is that JD Vance? C’mon Dennis, punch that book with all you’ve got!
MW: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [catches breath] Wait, you’re serious?? BWAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
JP: Sophie, you could have just hung up on Randy when he called you in the first place. Think how satisfying that would have been. Of course, then that would have deprived you of the opportunity to passive-aggressively bitch about it to Glucas here, who is clearly about to ‘go to the men’s room’ and climb out the window, never to be seen again.
RMMD: Ugh, this guy must have matriculated at the Tom Batiuk School of Smarmy Smirking.
Luann: I say again, B-wad’s ‘cake’ was a charred black inedible brick. TJ didn’t ‘do’ anything, he just pulled some stale cake pops from last Christmas out of the cupboard when B-wad wasn’t looking and gave them an extra coat of frosting. Hope they have a good explanation when Toni breaks her teeth on one!
MW: Mary must have presidential security, making sure that yuts from the megalopolis in the background in no way disturb or even come into view while on their private pier off their 10 acre frontage on the water while they make reassuring noises to each other.
DtM- okay, the Mitchells apparently jump from church to church, as each new congregation discovers the evil that has come amongst them and drives it away (and Dennis has to go too, they are his parents). They seem to be quite open to clerical style: full vestments, cheap suits that would look bad on a community college philosophy professor, likely a rolled sleeve and unbuttoned collar megachurch look will be coming next.
Jeez, Josh really wanted to bring back some blasts from the past this week. Now it’s his first Heathcliff post (not counting Uncle Lumpy and a Heathcliff-adjacent mention in a COTW post) since 2016.
RMMD: Teach’s jaw is getting bigger and more square.
DtM: “I hear ya, kid. I didn’t know about that whole ‘Neighbor’s wife’ thing until last night.”
MW: So if I’m interpreting this correctly, Mary is saying: “Too often, young people let petty bullshit get in the way of good fucking.”
DTM: That looks like a suspiciously urban setting for their church. My working assumption was that the Mitchells attend a stadium-sized megachurch run by a smooth faced multimillionaire who replaced the collection plate with a $GODCOIN wallet. I just don’t believe they’d attend a small city ministry run by an apple-cheeked beardy in a shabby tweed suit – what next? Charity for the poor?
Last time Josh commented on Heathcliff: 2016.
In that commentary, Josh suggested “I don’t like that” should be the caption for every single Heathcliff cartoon. Today’s “That bothers me” comes close …. maybe in the 9 years since Josh’s comment, they’ve been trying all sorts of variations, a new one each day (“I think that sucks”; “That’s disturbing”; “I find that unlikeable”; “Hark! That thing which is happening over there is bothersome to me”) till they find the absolutely perfect all-purpose Heathcliff caption.
DtM: Uh, did anyone else notice that Dennis has gotten taller and lost that baby fat? Holy mackerel, is he going through a GROWTH SPURT…? Because if Dennis is going into prepubescence, all bets are off. Henry and Alice should just go straight into the cornfield, now, while they have a chance.
DtM: With the minister in normal clothes instead of clergy-wear, looks like the Mitchells have changed houses of wirship — maybe to one of those megachurches, the better for Dennis to launch spitwads from the balcony.
@Jay Fawley: Oops — *worship*
MW – Dr. Jeff: “Speaking of hand . . . “
@Bob Tice:
Oops. “completing.” The typing fingers, and the brain-to-hand coordination, are not quite as robust as they once were.
MW:. With unlikely seriousness, I agree with Mary– the next couple of generations are terrific. Undue expectations, sure, but they also look at the larger picture and are often empathetic. Just talk to a couple dozen. They’re great!
BG & SS:. The cow has also adopted cat-tongue.
RMMD:. This relationship will gross out Kelly.
DtM: I was going to say the most menacing thing here is the increasing inability of the artists actually draw. But then I read up on the real Dennis, his dad, and how the poor kid was treated. Hank Ketcham was a rotten piece of shit who essentially abandoned his youngest (and learning-disabled) kid in a boarding school in the US, while living the high life with his new family in Geneva Switzerland. When Dennis’s mom died, Hank didn’t even TELL him until she was buried.
One of Ketcham’s other kids, Scott, writes the strip now and it seems he cares as little about the fictional Dennis as his dad did about the real one. Now THAT is menacing.
MW: So the blue hair yesterday wasn’t just some one-off atmospheric illusion. She definitely went and dyed that sucker powder blue. And now she’s spouting blather about being young. If she shows up Monday sporting leather and a nose ring, buck up, Jeff, you just might get some yet.
CS: Ed pulls a dine and dash on his buddies.
JP: Glen is thinking “Check, please” in more ways than one.
RMMD: “Go out with me, Summer. Where else are you going to find a guy with a massive jaw like this?”
@Activist:
All kidding aside, my law students for the past twenty years have been, and my current students are, flat-out terrific. The current crop (and others) will absolutely be ready to lead for generations to come — they are incredibly smart, thoughtful, public-spirited and open-minded.
H&L: Hi is absolutely gobsmacked because . . . because . . . anybody?
GT: “A-HA! You’re right! My egotism and self-absorption aren’t the problem! It’s my jealous low-achieving loser friends who are the problem. Gee, thanks, Coach Tays. I can’t wait to tell them!”
SS: Hmmm, “kayfabe.” Never saw/heard that before, and probably never will again. But if I do, I’ll know what it means! Unless I forget. But anyway, thanks, Josh.
BGSS: I guess Jughaid couldn’t make the cow say “Meow, meow!” or it would be too close to that “Ventriloquist Cat” cartoon.
Heathcliff: is Heathcliff crying?! Did the robot beat him up in that gym?
@JamesBont:
Dustin: At this point, hatred, scorn, and rejection are the only emotions Dustin recognizes. After all, it’s the only emotions he’s ever received from his family…and apparently every living creature on Earth.
I’m stuck in a loop here. I read the Dustin strip for a while and then stop because the whole thing is so annoying. But then someone like you will mention that Dustin got dumped on again today, and this fills me with such joy that I call it up, read it, and bookmark the series again. Then I’ll read it some more until I get annoyed in a week or two and stop. I guess I can tolerate it in just small doses.
But anyway, thanks for the heads-up today. I really did enjoy it.
You have to admit that Jughaid has real ventriloquism skills, given that his mouth is closed in a big smirk while he continues to make the cow purr.
Snuffy – “Where’d he l’arn it ?!” “From one o’ them How-To books, Ventrillyquism for Dummies !!“
Heathcliff – It bother me too. Robots don’t need to exercise! If anything, exercising will just make them wear out faster!
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’m going to buy a surprise gift for my girlfriend”
“Does she like surprises?”
“Yes. But I like them even more”
“Some sexy underwear, please”
[Signs: LINGERIE; SALE!; BRAS – HALF OFF]
DtM: In other words, if the Good Right Reverend had preached his sermon on the Sixth Commandment a week earlier, the Mitchell parents wouldn’t have had to spend the week hiding the bodies after Dennis went on that mid-week killing spree.
LUANN: So, essentially, Brad got cuckolded (or should I say, cake-kolded?)
LUANN (2): This is going to be TJ rationalization for when he steps in to knock-up Toni as well, isn’t it?
DtM: Criticizing reliance on the Common Lectionary for designating readings throughout the year, which in turn guides the content of the officiant’s sermons? Not exactly menacing–you’d think Dennis would at least aspire to the level of a proper heresy.
Heath: We may not have created artificial intelligence that can answer a question like, “Are there health benefits to drinking gasoline?” with any accuracy, but the robots in today’s strip have learned to be ashamed of their bodies and to spend massive amounts of time and money attempting to conform to socially approved beauty standards, which may or may not be a bigger accomplishment.
MW: “Yes, the future is in good hands! Except for Dawn Weston. She’s a mess. Her hands can’t bowl worth a lick. Stupid %#€£!”
C’shaft: The Tom Batiuk School of Humor: 1.) Notice one word or phrase bears a resemblance to another word or phrase. 2.) Have Crankshaft use the second word or phrase in place of the first. 3.) Repeat ad nauseum.
DT: Give him credit, that’s a pretty detailed skull-and-crossbones for having been drawn by your fingers in your own blood.
GT: “The documentary wasn’t scripted…and since documentaries are always 100% accurate with no agenda and there’s absolutely no way to edit and cut candid footage in order to create a misleading impression, the only logical conclusion is that you are a terrible, terrible person.”
Pluggers hate their lives.
DtM: This is clearly supposed to be a caricature of an actual person and it’s probably someone the artist knows and the confusing thing Dennis is saying is a reference to something nobody outside of those specific people would know about. The REAL menace at display here is that the syndicate doesn’t even care about the cartoon they are distributing making any sense.
MW: Wait—are all the young people Allstate INSURANCE brokers…??!
Zits: Jeremy wants to be a societal leech and this self entitled mindset is exactly why a lot of the current generation of young persons is having issues integrating into the workforce. Their expectations of what life should be has been warped by social media influencers and they have no practical skills. I really don’t know what the solution is here but something needs to change or our society is going to be fucked.
@JamesBont: Luann: So this whole week’s story was about how Brad couldn’t get his “cake” to rise, so he needed TJ’s help to get his “cake” into a form that would please Toni?
I’ve got a 12-inch ‘cake’ but I don’t use it as a rule.
@TheDiva:
Gasoline you say? A delicious, refreshing beverage… in the Monoverse.
Don’t worry, old man. The robot in the window is legally distinct from R2D2 so the Disney lawyers won’t be suing your little comic into oblivion.
***
I’m bothered too. It appears Heathcliff has been spending too much time on incel forums and has convinced himself that a robot girlfriend is a better route than putting in the work to meet a real woman only to find out she has ideas of her own.
***
I getcha, old man. I’m also bothered by the fact that no amount of exercise will make a robot more fit, but someone for some reason programmed them to be gullible enough to fall for it.
Dennis the Menace has been old, tired, cliched, every possible word that means washed of meaning by astronomical amounts of repetition, my entire life, and I’m mid-60s. I remember first-run Peanuts, fer chrissakes.
Josh’s commentary on this DtM made me laugh out loud. I worked as a church janitor in the early 80s and I will testify in court that defending dick punches is absolutely not in seminary curriculum. Plumbing apparently is, but not dick punches.
Thank you Josh, today’s DtM commentary was A-1, the best.
@Cleveland Mocks: H&L: Hi is absolutely gobsmacked because . . . because . . . anybody?
He’s not gobsmacked, he’s blind, due to looking directly at that monstrosity of a vehicle.
“Robot Gym” may be gunning for the “Cow Tools” Hall of Fame.
MW: With a couple of additional days to reflect on the Dawn-Dirk story arc, it’s become clear to me that Dawn brought this whole disaster upon herself. No good at rock-climbing or bowling? Easily finessed. “Honey, let’s skip the dinner-and-bowling thing tonight, and just chillax at your place.” Dirk may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but he’ll get her drift, that she’s ready now for up-the-butt.
Hi and Lois: “What’s the point of a crippling alcohol addiction if I can’t also occasionally endanger innocent people with my reckless driving”?
Family Circus: I like how even Jeffy can’t believe how stupid this is.
Dennis the Menace: When did JD Vance purchase a degree in divinity? Although kudos for knowing where the Bible should go when kids are around.
@paws: “Robot Gym” may be gunning for the “Cow Tools” Hall of Fame.
Or, the “Christ, what an asshole” award for captioning laziness.
I might not have much going for me, but I can recognize R2D2 and JD Vance when I see them.
Bliss: GoodGodamighty!! I thought they had toned down the salacious Saturday hi-jinks, but I see they’re back to their old ways again!! When they think nobody is looking. Well, just because Bailey and Mittens are permanent cast members over there doesn’t mean we’re not still looking out for their interests and well-being. They are clearly in an altered state of mind to participate in that kinky scene! My Intern is on the way over right now with the drug-testing equipment… and some nicotine patches for Bailey.
Meanwhile, next door at Bizarro – a little Wallaby wordplay by a couple of our talented Marsupials. A nice presentation and I have to commend them for making the best of this simplistic scene.
Sally4th: Well, this is not the way we suggested they introduce the new Pup to the kid… but we gave up some of the creative control just to get the placement. And if they get the expected positive response from this adorable cutie-pie, they may be amenable to adding a Domestic Animal companion to Judge Parker… although it would take a special type of resilient Dog or Cat to survive there. Wish Snooty would consider coming outta retirement….
Dennis the Menace: That’s capital-R Rev. Abouttobedickpunched to you, Mister.
Also Dennis the Menace: Come on, now. Any experienced preacher knows not to block parishioners’ exit from the sanctuary. If they didn’t like the sermon, they will run you over on the way out the door. (They’ll do it even if they liked the sermon, if the Packers are playing at noon.)
DtM: Mr. Vance, I did however, enjoy the part of your sermon where you told of rising from Appalachian trailer trash to vice president of the United States.
Snuffy Smith: This one reeks of the writer having absolutely no idea how to follow up the setup idea of a cow purring and just throwing something random at the wall, with the result that it’s completely nonsensical.
Heathcliff: No other newspaper strip, no matter how bizarre, can get on the same utterly batshit wavelength as Heathcliff, so they should just stop trying. Even stuff like Six Chix or Alice at it’s weirdest can match the completely incomprehensible nature of the average Heathcliff comic.
Dennis The Menace: That’s the long-suffering expression of a pastor who’s had to talk this dumbass kid and listen to his “darnedest things” blather after every sermon for years now and he is so over it. I imagine all of his prayers now include “and could you please zap that Mitchell kid with lightning so I don’t have to sit through another lame pun for lonely grandmas to tape to their fridge?”
@pugfuggly: Vance is nursing his couch burns it’s scripture
@Nobody:
* with scripture
Heathcliff: Hey, cats and robots have a long and storied history. Just look at all those silly video clips of cats riding Roomba(R) vacuums proliferating on YouTube(TM) and the plethora of robotic self-cleaning litter boxes. When the Anthropocene era sputters to a halt, planet Earth will finally be ruled by cats and robots, as it deserves.
@Bob Tice: #1
Ouch…mind where you go, good Sir…too much “wordplay” inevitably leads to “swordplay”! :-)
Heathcliff: The most startling thing about Heathcliff today is the R2-D2 in the window is a real life thing that exists. Google “art deco r2d2” and have a gander. Wild.
@Pozzo: #4
“Mabel” the cow is an admittedly improbable feline/bovine genetic hybrid, so she is marking Elviney with her cheek pheromones. Just wait until she tries to curl up on your lap and “knead” your tummy with her sharp hooves!
BG&SS: Ironically, I learned this one from comic books! Back in the days when Superman had bullshit nonsense powers like “super-ventriloquism” rather than sticking to the sensible, logical ones like firing laser beams from his eyes, a footnote would inform the readers that the difference between super-ventriloquism and normal ventriloquism was that Superman did actually project his voice so it was coming from somewhere else, which regular ventriloquists did not.
Curtis: Is the idea “Why don’t I try to make friends with Michelle, like I’ve been attempting to do for the past week and indeed decades of real time now”? Do you think Michelle will have to be friends with you if you tell her it’s a school assignment? I guess it’s arguably less distasteful than trying to buy her love, but it’s also stupider.
MW: Since Mary only knows two young people, and she can’t possibly mean Dawn, I assume she’s visualising a future in which Olivia the Magical Tummy Brain Girl has used her Magical Tummy Brain powers to become the benevolent dictator of Earth.
Peanuts Begins: First appearance of bipedal Snoopy! In an imagine spot. Where he’s in prison and facing the chair. Yipes.
Phantom: “No, I just wear my arm in a sling as a fashion accessory.”
@Nobody: Ah, yes – couch burns. Always a risk with couch sex. Just ask JD Vance….
Dustin: Tip here, Dustin — don’t go hitting on ladies who look like realtors and drink kale margaritas. Out of your zone, kid.
@Nobody: BtW – are you related to the Nobody in that early ‘80s song by Sylvia?
JP – “I’m responsible, but the real reason is that I’m a genius and Neddy is a moron.”
Mary Worth – WTF? If that’s Mary’s conclusion, then the Dawn-Dirk story sailed so far over Mary’s head that it reached orbit.
I’m trying to figure out if this is Mary’s victory lap for the half assed platitude she dropped on Dawn.
Rex Morgan – Lately I’ve had the impression that “dating” = boinking, and Teach’s expression confirms it.
9CL – Brooke is trying to make readers demand more Polly and Lolly. It hasn’t reached the point of demanding the return of Arthur Peel, but it’s dangerously close.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: I was worried about your reaction to Bliss. I admit that I was shocked, and I don’t consider myself a prude.
I agree with you about Snooty. Bring back Snooty!
Mary Worth Mashup: The way things should have worked out.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Bliss
Good one. First Bliss I can recall in a long time that I thought was funny.
God, I miss Mannequin on the Moon.
RMMD: Update on project Doggy for Augie — Okay, I admit I was beginning to get positive vibes from mild-mannered “Teach” here, who seems to have landed the role of Summer’s new Love Interest. And we were gonna push for him to have a Pet companion. But I dunno – that expression of his today – sort of a combination smug/smirk – has generated some negative feedback in the ratings. So whether we wanna pair up one of our clients with him remains an open question for now. We’ll give him the benefit of a doubt… maybe he’s just trying to project quiet confidence. We’ll keep an eye on him for further developments….
Tiger Spanish to English.
@Guy Nerdlinger: Who knows, Dustin might just get lucky.
@Horace Broon:
It was Olive. Or, as we called her, Pimento.
Zits Spanish to English,
@Dennis Jimenez: Not that I’m aware but anything is possible
@63 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:and @79 I speak Jive:
I’ve been racking my brain and I can’t come up with who Snooty is/was. I tried looking it up and got a manatee, a shark, a basset hound, a beaver, a fox, a pig and a wide assortment of people.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
@Sequitur: Snooty was the yappy little dog who belonged to the Chubbs, the elderly couple who Neddy hired to work in her sweatshop/factory. My memory isn’t crystal clear, but I think they were going to be managers. They were in the shipping container office when the sinkhole swallowed everything. I believe that Snooty survived the collapse.
@91 I speak Jive:
Oh, THAT Snooty. I have completely removed the memory of that story out of my brain pan. Thanks. Now I’ll remove it again.
MW: “Jeff, the knowledge that a complete nutjob like Dirk was still perceptive enough to know that Dawn is a total loser makes me very optimistic that the future is in good hands. And speaking of which, if your hand slides one millimeter closer to my buttock, I’ll break it.”
Oh I remember ads in the back of comic books that promised you could totally throw your voice across the room and all that. X-ray glasses, sea monkeys, voice throwing, OJ’s dingo boots, it really take me back.
Old joke: A music hall performer visits a farm. The old farmer gives him a tour, and the performer uses his ventriloquism skills to have conversations with some of the animals. A bit agitated, the farmer pulls him aside and says, “I have to warn you, sir. The sheep are all bloody liars!”
Fictions that show ventriloquists literally throwing their voices, as shown in those comic books ads, really annoys me as well. It works not just because your eyes gravitate to the dummy’s flapping mouth, but because the ventriloquist is controlling your focus and actively selling the illusion through his interactions with the dummy. It’s up there with characters presented as illusionists doing stunts that can only be achieved through camera tricks and/or preparation not allowed by the script. Yes, it IS possible to grab a man’s collar and yank out his shirt intact from under his suit jacket. It’s NOT possible unless the man is in on it and his shirt has been prepared.
@93 Jerp+jump:
Don’t forget Draw me.
JP & RMMD: Sophiopaths dinner date behavior makes the Rex Morgan jerk dates seem less problematic.
Perhaps Grandpa is trouble not by the friendship, but by Heathcliff’s apparent laughter. What could these two be getting up to? What IS this robot’s stance regarding the Garbage Ape?
Dennis the Menace-So many animals Dennis killed last week because he didn’t hear the right sermon.
Bliss-Cats and dogs sleeping together.
Dustin: “By the way, did you really walk up to the bartender and ask him to make you a whole fishbowl of green liquor? I thought that was something people only ordered if they were in a large group, on a dare.”
Fifty years ago today, a judo master took down a blowtorch wielding villain in Mandrake the Magician, and America planned to break up OPEC!
Jeff Cobb was confronted by the difficult work schedule of bakers and the AP reporteed that Americans would rather be on unemployment compensation than work.
Rick O’Shay considered the afterlife at the wrong end of a rifle, as the Copley News Service reported that sermons don’t have to be dull.
In Joe Palooka, Mr. Samisan said the great spirit had been good to him, and the conservative leadership of the Missouri Synod sought to rein in a “rebel seminary.”
The death of P.G. Wodehouse was reported. Dagwood’s dog had fleas.
I guess they’re at church, which is why Dennis isn’t wearing the usual red jumpsuit. However, in past scenes where Dennis is menacing the pastor, he’s wearing a suit. Standards have changed during the long years of Dennis being the same age.
Grandpa Nutmeg is bothered because he’s a strict segregationalist. It’s a ‘Robot Gym,’ and a cat cheerfully working out there shows that the strictures of Grandpa Nutmeg’s society are loosening. What’s next? Binoculars in the same train compartment as a cow? A toaster marrrying a dog? A Casio keyboard playing for a major league ball club?
Wait, the Mitchells are now Seventh-Day Adventists? I guess Dennis is now truly a menace to the (quickly scans the relevant Wikipedia article) … meatpacking industry?
@I speak Jive: Usually Furry/sexual-animal stuff is self-contained within its own fandoms, so I was shocked too. Not by what was shown, but just the fact that the writer had the balls to publicly show it.
Too bad Barney Google didn’t buy the Smiths a mountain lion to go with the kangaroo and ostrich, they can purr, but can’t roll their Rs, even without Jughaid’s help. (Vixen Park ref).
Tune in to “Vixen Park” on your local YouTube station to see a mountain lion arguing with a husky!
Brought to you from your neighborhood bucketters of Charlie’s Chicken Chariot™ Remember: Isla Grace has her eyes on the thighs.
@Sequitur:#91
*Everything* about “Judge Parker” is best forgotten.
@Jerp+jump: #93
Sea monkeys!!! Yes!!! And those collections of little plastic soldiers – grey and blue for the Civil War or green for WW2…oh, the innocence of childhood…
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – Given that Ganny Creeps exists in this strip as a legitimate witch, I will go along with the idea that Jughaid has some sort of folk magic powers, acquired genetically from some indigenous shaman several generations back in the family line, that gives him such shocking abilities. But this being Hootin’ Holler, even the extraordinary skills will be never be put to productive use.
Heathcliff – This is a commentary about artists who would train AI to replace them and their peers.
Dennis the Menace – Last week the Pastor quote Proverbs 26:7 “Like the legs which are useless to the lame,
So is a proverb in the mouth of fools.” which Dennis used to mock him because the clergyman clearly skips leg day.
This week the Pastor quoted Psalm 147: 10-11 “His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”
This Pastor spent his time in seminary imagining he was training to be the next Luther, contending against the forces of evil outside, and the corruption within the Church. He finds, instead, that he has feet of clay, and has to battle against a precocious 5 year-old menace.
I think the idea is that Heathcliff is……a robot? Or he’s hacked the robots to make them believe he’s a robot?
Beetle Bailey-“We drink to forget the memories.”
Dustin-“I come here to drink to kill the emotional pain. I get put down and insulted everywhere I go I’m surprised I haven’t killed myself yet.”
When I was a kid, there were a series of novels based on the board game Clue.
They were just tiny mysteries that the reader could solve.
Although one of the stories, involved Miss Peacock writing a gossip column under a pseudonym, slandering the other five of the group. They soon deduced it was her and were chasing her around Mr. Boddy’s mansion trying to kill her, she is shown to be remarkably skilled, as she could hide in the shadows like a ninja and throw her voice to sound like she was in other rooms and all that s***
Also, there was a mystery to solve in there… somewhere… I think.
DtM: A towheaded moron has penetrated the security barrier and Vice President Vance is going to have some serious words with his Secret Service detail.
H-Cliff: I’m just trying to figure out if the stout little gizmo in the window is R2-D2 or just part of the treadmill.
SSmith: Are Elviney and Lo’weezy convinced that Jughaid didn’t l’arn ventrillyquism by selling his soul to th’ dibble? Because I’m not.
Insanity Streak: When nuns disappear.
Heathcliff: I still can’t get past that one videogame, where you play as a kid trapped in a giant entertainment center being stalked by a serial killer, who also hacked the animatronics to hunt you down as well.
The robots which are so brilliantly designed that they actually have realistic personalities and even psychosis’s.
I mean, not saying that it’s an impossibility at this point but…
Also I don’t know why the wolf robot literally sniffs the air while she’s looking for me. I mean, yeah, because she’s a wolf but… robots don’t need to smell, would they ever need to?
I mean if years in the future, robots assisting with one’s cooking and need to smell or taste to give you advice on 100% efficiency with the meal, would be interesting.
C-Shaft: I could try to figure out what kind of shot Crankshaft’s malaprop is supposed to refer to, or I could spend that time examining the lint from my pocket. Guess what?
DT: Why the skull and crossbones, though? You’re a Nazi. If you want to be a pirate you’ll have to do a whole different ridiculous crime spree.
Dustin: It would certainly gibe with his terrible posture.
HtH: The guy with what look suspiciously like plaid polyester pants somehow saw Honeymoon in Vegas but since movies don’t exist yet he doesn’t know it wasn’t real, and that gambling the persons of your loved ones never ends well.
JP: “Just when I think I’m out they pull me back in.”
“Don’t do Pacino, Soph.”
MW: Leave it to Dr. Jeff to agree with the “but, you know, whatever” part of Mary’s half-thought.
Phantom: It seems that in my week’s absence from most comics reading Savarna has killed Jampai, once again forefronting Mozz’s prophecy. That’s…that’s just great.
@Sequitur:
Nun the better.
Cockroach Bailed-out:
What they don’t drink to:
Their upcoming promotions
Their retirement
Their getting laid
None of those will ever happen.
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
C-Shaft: I could try to figure out what kind of shot Crankshaft’s malaprop is supposed to refer to, or I could spend that time examining the lint from my pocket. Guess what?
You found more substance in your pocket.
FG: Oh man, I LOVE Frame Stories. The Decameron, Count Potocki’s The Manuscript Found in Saragossa, Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, Italo Calvino’s Castle of Crossed Destinies.
Schkrade, you are a gentleman and a scholar. And one hell of a comic strip writer/artist. Could you take over Dick Tracy and Judge Parker? And maybe bring back Buck Rogers and Captain Easy and Abbie n’ Slats?
And this one is going to be particularly toothsome. There’s an Old Fart, a Bruthah, Mara Llave, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, and a pile of butt hair. Best storyteller gets to go home with the hot bartender when her shift’s over.
@Cleveland Mocks: #36: re- BG&SS: Kayfabe was originally a carny term but now it’s mostly used as the code of secrecy that the pro wrestling industry uses to try to convince people that they’re a real sport and not a rigged entertainment thinly disguised as a sport.
@Ukulele Ike: Having the same cartoonist on Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers might tear a hole in the fabric of reality, but I could see him on Radio Patrol.
@SomeJerk: c’mon now.
Not ALL ventriloquismacts are bad.
My favorite was Edgar Bergan, who did his act on the RADIO.
Favorite Charlie McCarthy line to W.C. Fields: “Fields, you weren’t born, you were squeezed out of a bar rag”
@Jerp+jump: Don’t forget the Charles Atlas ads.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: The same cartoonist doing both might be fine, considering that Buster Crabbe played both Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers on film.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: MW – Dr. Jeff: “Speaking of hand . . . “
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Sounds like quite a job.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: @Peanut Gallery: The hell with Buck Rogers, then. He can just take on Wilma Deering Battles the Tiger Men of Mars in Exciting Lingerie.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Dennis the Menace: That’s capital-R Rev. Abouttobedickpunched to you, Mister.
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That’s either him or it’s his associate, the Rev. Bentley Ballsack.
@Ukulele Ike: Dustin: “By the way, did you really walk up to the bartender and ask him to make you a whole fishbowl of green liquor? I thought that was something people only ordered if they were in a large group, on a dare.”
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I remember the fishbowl. It was offered at a local bar for ladies night.
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
116 PHANTOM:. As I take it, yes she did kill Jampa but this time it was outside presence of KJ. His tutor also was out of town, so informant could not truthfully say KJ and tutor had set it up. But informants are not known for their veracity.
@Anonymous: I feel lucky to often meet young people who are doing field conservation work like cutting and treating invasive exotic trees and shrubs, even though it’s very hard work for not much money. It would be nice if young people like that were featured in MARK TRAIL, instead of the parade of weird humans that tend to show up instead.
@Pozzo: BG&SS: “Yeah, but the cow’s still rubbing up against me! I mean, what the hell?”
_____________
Its been years since she “jumped over the moon”, as the flat lander kids say today.
Barney Google and Slylick Snuffy Smith and Comix For Kinx : Rachel Rabbit has accused Dr Weirdly Barlow of creating a self feeding/ milking Cowcat™and stashing it at the Smith residence. Why does Sly think she’s been eating those “funny” carrots again? (Answer printed upside down).
Mary’s Worst:”……and you’re in good hands, Jeff, with a policy from our new Sponser… AllState™…now offering Bum boat policies, I’m still the benefactor if your boat suddenly explodes, aren’t I, Jeff?”
MEDDLING AND MAYHEM GO HAND IN HAND WITH ALLSTATE™
©2025 Allstate Companies Inc.
I’m still trying to ascertain whether this is really VP Vance or just a ventriloquist’s robot dressed up to look like him.
@GarrisonSkunk: Cowcat, aren’t they the devs who made “Brok the InvestiGator?”
@UncleJeff: Edgar Bergan was very obvious that you could see his lips moving… but on the other hand he was so hilarious that it made up for it.
@Activist: Ah, I see you’re right about KJ not being involved or even there. I hope that’s not just another detail that can be swept aside as the Phantom Legacy loudly grinds itself to death.
Pretty sure “Robot Gym” is an Adult Swim show. Is Adult Swim still a thing?
Oh no! Josh never took middle school hygiene! He never saw the propaganda films!
DtM: Wait, Dennis is not in his traditional overalls, nor is he wearing a little church suit! He’s in civvies! This probably happened months ago and I just never noticed, right? Nothing is sacred anymore, nothing.
“That bothers me,” How is this even a punchline?! You can’t just use a third party’s unfunny comments as the joke of the whole strip! This isn’t even new! Heathcliff has been doing things like “I don’t like that,” and “Radical,” for years!