Meditations on aging, plus [extremely heavy sigh] Wilbursex
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Gil Thorp, 3/26/25
A thing about getting old that is absolutely a cliche but also 100% true AND also something that you can’t really understand until you experience it is that time really does feel like it goes by faster. It seemed to me that Luke went from Gil’s rival to his faithful retainer in the blink of an eye, but it’s been two and a half years since he came on the scene, so maybe these arcs really have run their course. Maybe it makes sense that now he’s just a schlubby guy in a polo shirt and khakis saying stuff like “You know what I learned from Coach Thorp? That it’s cool to lose, actually,” and it’s not setting up a sick burn where he says “because Coach Thorp is a loser!!!!!” Anyway, at least we have Coach Gerard‘s endless enmity! At least we have that!
Herb and Jamaal, 3/26/25
Politicians, generals, warlords! Know that if you’re planning some new armed conflict, anywhere on earth, the Herb and Jamaal published on March 26, 2025, will apply, thanks to its carefully crafted ambiguity. Perhaps just seeing this strip will make you think twice about unleashing the horrors of war, knowing such a cutting commentary was prepared for you, in advance!
Mary Worth, 3/26/25
OK, yes, fine, here’s Wilbur delivering a spit take so vigorous it shakes his combover out of place, prompted by the idea that he might be on the verge of doing sex to a lady in such a way that she would derive pleasure from it. I know I should be chortling with glee, but I’m not feeling it, OK? Not the way I was when I thought Wilbur had died. I guess I’m really more a thanatos guy than an eros guy, when it comes to Wilbur.
Pickles, 3/26/25
I definitely haven’t reached the “bothering to learn the characters’ names” stage with Pickles — and, Lord willing, I may never get there — but I am taking a shine to Grandson Pickles, just based on this strip. I like how he’s not letting his grandmother shake him off from this line of inquiry. What if someone died, Grandma? What if you died, right here in the living room? Would they still call it that? Because you wouldn’t be living in it anymore, if you follow me.
173 replies to “Meditations on aging, plus [extremely heavy sigh] Wilbursex”
MW, Meta: If you’re a Thanatos guy, where’s your Infinity Glove?
GT: “Remember all that nonsense about your opponent was your enemy and the crap I gave you when you spoke to her before the match? Forget it. We good?”
MW: I am horrified that Belle might derive intense pleasure from having cola spat all over her. If that is the case, Wilbur has at last found his One True Love.
Well, Pickles Kid, in some regionalisms (possibly going out of style), it’s called the sitting room, and you’re sitting. Is that good enough for you? If not, try a little standing and get out!
MW – Wilbur has never heard of one of the tenets of the Man Code: Never stick your dick in crazy.
MW: No way can Wilbur handle this one. Can we introduce her to Dirk?
RMMD: Up next: Summer complains for a week about the crick in her neck.
H&L: Pity that after getting into Chip’s stash Trixie’s first trip is a bummer.
Belle’s hand greets the bellend
Pickles: Junior is just getting started. “And what’s so great about the Great Room, huh, Grandma? And what about the Mud Room? There’s no mud in it! And the Drawing Room – why isn’t anybody drawing in there? Huh, Grandma? Huh?” Meanwhile, Grandma sneaks a double dose of Ritalin into the kid’s orange juice.
Pickles: “Wait! I get it now, Grandma. Some people call it a parlor, like a funeral parlor. When Grandpa dies can we keep his coffin here?”
GT:
“If Coach Thorp has taught me anything…winning isn’t every thing — and losing isn’t the end. But come to think of it, he hasn’t taught me anything. So forget I just said that.”
Wouldn’t it be weird if Wilbur died in the living room?
Mary Wormtounge: Wilber will receive a stern cease and desist order from the Danny Thomas estate very soon. Don’t steal the bit, Wilberman!
MW: For me the real highlight is panel 1, where Belle is seductively twirling a strand of Wilbur’s lank combover between her fingers. Just imagine how greasy her fingertips must be once she’s finished.
H&J: A globe would have been a more visually interesting image than the back of a roll of paper, but then the artist would have had to draw the outlines of real continents that specify that this strip takes place on the planet Earth. Better to leave it to the reader’s imagination. Maybe this is all happening on an alien world that just happens to have territories called “Germany” and “Afghanistan”. Either that, or Herb’s a hardcore flat earther.
GT: Wait, that’s Luke? I thought it was Marty Moon. I’d complain about Rachel Merrill’s art, but I also couldn’t tell them apart in Rod Whigham’s 8/9/22 strip. Did I miss some backstory setting them up as twin brothers?
@BeckoningChasm: Wouldn’t his One True Love prefer to be slathered in mayo?
MW:
I think that this Belle is a baddie —
Presumptuous, forward and chatty
And look at that spit! —
Last time I saw it
I think it was “Make Room for Daddy”!
@Guts Dozier: Wouldn’t it be weird if Wilbur died in the living room?
Two words you’ll never be able to get out of your mind: Erotic asphyxiation.
MW: Some questions: Where is Belle looking? Why are her eyes Like That? Is she actually blind? I’d say that explains a lot, but she’d still be able to feel the combover. Why is Wilbur so scandalized at the thought of receiving pleasure from this woman he’s already trysted with? Why is Moy doing a Summer of George plot with Wilbur in March? Does Belle know Wilbur has a daughter? If not, what does she think of Dawn’s pictures everywhere? Again, is she actually blind?
MW: Wilbur blows over the opening in the empty can to recreate the tune that first caught Belle’s attention. His rendition of Jammin’ was a big hit at the resort.
“Okay, time to decide on the layout for this first panel. Wilbur’s on the right — manspreading, obviously — with a can of COLA that almost-but-not-quite blends into the wall behind him. Easy. Belle, though… okay, should she be looking seductively at him, or — hear me out — staring into the far distance with the widest cocaine-eyes you’ve ever seen, right? And then, icing on the cake, let’s have her gently placing a piece of shoe-leather against Wilbur’s forehead. Can’t you just see it? You can see it, right?”
MW:
She’s tawdry, quite pushy and campy
Impossibly vulgar, and vampy
But Wilbur deserves
The fate that she serves —
The one I feel bad for is Lampy!
Um…why is there a strip called “Beetle Moses” at USA Today, and when you click on it, there’s nothing there? Cree-ee-py!
@els:
Yeah, something definitely went wrong there with the artwork re: the hair-twiddling. I thought Batts Belfrey was removing a piece of Wilbur’s brain matter a la Hannibal Lector.
Dammit, Grandma Pickles, he is not being literal at all! Literally you are both doing living in the living room right now! The contrast between “living” and “boring” is specifically non-literal!
How high is Belle, to have nerved herself to embrace the idea of carnally embracing Weelbur?
Going by her expression, very, very high.
@Lauralot:
Belle is hehhehind.
RMMD: Talk about lazy repeating of artwork! I can only spot one difference between the panels (Augie’s hand.)
@Guts Dozier: He already lives in the dying room.
Candy App:
“It says here that Happy Harry will win the Derby.”
Say that and Andy won’t lose interest for a moment.
__________________________________
Zits:
Looks more as though spring break broke him.
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Wrecks Moregone:
If this gets any more exciting we will need smelling salts for the ladies in the audience.
Mary Worth and Pickles: Did someone mention dying?
Pickles: They need to monitor Nelson’s TV viewing. He’s watched too many Seinfeld reruns.
@Lauralot: Because this is basically just Fatal Attraction “Karenized” (in all sense of the word) for modern audiences.
Mary Worth (somewhat) more substantively: This is one of those times where I can hardly even crack wise, only stare in awe. I 100% sincerely love everything about this: the Kate Gosselin wearing early-aughts white jeans who is somehow more vapid than Kate Gosselin and can’t even be bothered to look at her prey, Wilbur’s spit take, the sure knowledge that this can only end once again in his defeat, disappointment and humiliation. It’s all good, mate, it’s all good. Except that chocolate background, what’s up with that?
Herb and Jamaal: Why is he pointing at Columbia University?
GIL THORP: I guess now that Gil has found someone to spot the trite, cliched pablum for him, he has even more time to ditch work.
Judge Parker RebootPhantom: Kadia swims out “to end it all”, Kit saves her, and, in swooning gratitude, agrees to marry his and have his Phantom babies.Or, she gets caught in a riptide, gets pulled down, and sees the image of her father at the bottom of the sea tied up and weighed down by cement, before being rescued.
Or, the lifeguards and another guy go in to rescue Kadia, Kit gives them all blackeyes, and, as he carries her back to shore, explains he “had to beat off three other guys.”
MT: Now, now, Mark. New York isn’t such a big, intimidating place – their airport is so small that they not only don’t have any US Fish and Wildlife Inspectors stationed there, they also don’t have a PA system and can get out an announcement to the whole terminal by having one person shout in the hallway!
MW: Can we just skip ahead to the scene where Sheriff’s officers are evicting Wilbur and Dawn from Belle’s condo!?
Pickles: When I was that kid’s age it wasn’t unusual for people to hold funerals in their living room. So he might be onto something, and by “something” I mean a conundrum probably commented on by Skippy, Kayo in Moon Mullins, Skeezix in Gasoline Alley, Jughaid in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, Sluggo in Nancy, Dennis the Menace. Say, I bet The Yellow Kid had something to say.
@Anonymous, 1: That’s me!
For the record, the kid’s Nelson, the old lady’s Opal, and the Grandpa (probably off taking a dump) is named Earl. God help me, I know these without having to look them up.
Mary Worth: I like that picture of Wilbur and Dawn in the corner, reminding us that Belle is distracting Wilbur from his relationship with his daughter. I also like Belle’s eyes, reminding us she’d have to be crazy to go to these lengths to be with Wilbur. Those are the eyes of a woman ready to fry a man’s skin and eat it!
Herb’s not educating his son about world conflicts – he’s just workshopping a new parody of “The Major-General Song.”
REX MORGAN M.D.: Is…this a sofa ad? That’s the only way I figure that Summer would “feel so comfortable” sitting upright in that uncomfortable back-breaking position all night instead of lying in her warm cozy bed.
@Bobby Sneakers: looking at that panels, I’d say Wilbur Weston is “holding a funeral” in his living room right now.
@Lauralot: It’s Mary Worth. It will be at least a month before they get that far.
I’ve got it! Belle flirted with and then used Wilbur to smuggle some maracas filled with stolen diamonds from Mexico to the US, and now she’s there to collect them!
Oh, waitaminute. That was an episode of The Flintstones. It *would* work, though!
BG&SS: Snuff being lazy while Loweezy toils will never stop being funny…to its target audience.
In Blondie the husband at least goes to (other people’s) work.
Wilbur, once he’s finished sputtering: Oh, how rude of me. Would you like a cola, Belle?
Belle, unblinking and leaning in: No, hon. I never drink…cola.
Are they about to show full on pornographic sex in the panels of Mary Worth? It may seen like a ludicrous idea but with Wilbur and Belle involved there will be no furious letters to the editor or calls for boycotts because everyone who comes across it will avert their eyes and purge their memories so that years from now there will only be a faint echo in the backs of our heads asking, “Did I see Wilbur Weston fuck?”
***
Dennis, I’m going to have to ask you to read Pickles please, because that is menacing.
Pickles: “You can wait here in the sitting room, or sit here in the waiting room” — Catherwood.
Gil Thorp – Gil Thorp is treating the assistant coaches like it would have done students in the past, as characters who grow up and mature, before presumably moving on for new characters to fill the role every four years.
Herb and Jamaal – Given the son’s 90s haircut, the vagueness, and that this trip has been produced since 1989, this could be a repeat referring to any of the Iraq Wars.
Mary Worth – Wilbur is going survive this, as he always does, but rewrite this in his survival column where he plays the role of a hardboiled detective, and Belle a femme fatale.
Pickles – “How come words don’t always maintain perfectly literal adherence to their own definitions?” is a common phase for children as they expand their vocabulary and develop a voice for themselves. As a cartoon child, Grandson Pickles will be forever stuck in this phase as the demands for content requires. Sadly for real world pedants like Neil DeGrasse Tyson, they will be forever stuck in this phase as the demands for content requires
“This is Kadesh, where Ramses smashed the Hittites, and these are the plains of Armageddon, where the final battle of all mankind will occur. And here’s Afghanistan, where everyone goes to fight and lose. Any other questions?”
Dustin: Add celery to the list of things DustDad doesn’t approve of. Who does he think he is, Caulfield?
GT: Almost imperceptibly at first, but later with increasing momentum, Coach Martinez became assimilated into the Thorp Cult.
Also, Wait Until Dark. Dawn’s taken the doll with the heroin in it, and Wilbur will be terrorized. I’d accept that, as well.
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver: Did Augie Doggie Style roofie Summer?
RMMD-“Looks like I’m going to have to finish myself off.”
MW-Wilbur, never keep in touch with your one night stands.
FC-Joan Van Ark!?
MW: Wilbur sure seems surprised that he’s about to get to do the sex for a guy that does the sex all the time…
AAGGGHHHH Spanish to English.
EEK!: Speaking of disembodied heads…
Scary Gary; And yet the strip which regularly features a disembodied head, there is none.
Shoe: A punch line in search of a sensible context.
RMMD: What was your first clue, Columbo?
CS: Aw, how sweet, they finish each other’s sentences. If you were ever wondering about these two, now you know.
MW: Wilbur, you found someone who can stand being with you, so just run with it. You’re never gonna do better.
FC: (holding a copy of The Da Vinci Code). “Know who Jesus’s wife was? Jo Anne Worley!”
MW: Yep, panel 3 is pretty much our reaction as well to the idea that any woman would desire Wilbur. You know, sexually.
BETTY:. Heres an idea, grab a ball or kite and head together to the park instead. It’s spring, you know, and you can see an old friend or make a new one instead of watching actors
BF:. No need to learn coffee order of new receptionist as she’ll be just an automated voice. At least until your customers leave in disgust.
MW: (Correction…panel 2)
GT: You’d think Milford athletes would be more used to losing by now…
MW: Belle must have a strong stomach to flirt with Wilbur like that without vomiting. Even Wilbur is susceptible to that particular ipecac.
(Where IS Dawn during all this, anyway? Did she have to run ahead to the karaoke bar to warn them Wilbur was coming, and they’d better have “MacArthur Park” cued up and ready to go?)
@62 Ukulele Ike:
Was that a chicken joke?
DT: And now Whistler’s Mother is involved? What the Hell?
Dustin: As much as I hate Dustdad whining about the food his wife puts in front of him like he’s a picky six-year-old and not a full-grown adult who can damn well learn to cook his own meals rather than expecting someone else to do it for him, there’s no way that putting down a plate with a single unadorned stalk of celery on it isn’t a passive-aggressive hint to lose weight at best and a deliberate act of cruelty at worst. At least spread some peanut butter on that thing, Dustmom.
JP: I still see absolutely no down side to this situation.
Luann: Now, now, TJ, you know full well that experiencing sex for anything other than procreative purposes is the mark of evil in the Luannverse.
Phantom: Kadia would rather drown than get strongarmed into being the Skull Cave baby factory by her so-called best friend, and who can blame her?
MW: Dawn walks in on the happy couple and Belle immediately thinks it’s Wilbur’s girlfriend. “Don’t be shy, honey. There’s always room for one more;” she says while taking off her top.
@Sequitur: Oooooo! Deep dive!
JP: ”As a warm-up, I’m sending you to Minnesota for two months. Try the lutefisk.”
Phantom: Kadia’s not the first to attempt self-immolation immediately after meeting Kit.
@astroboy: Beetle Moses had a very, very brief run.
I looked at it once (Seattle Times) and it was so awful, I don’t remember anything else about it. Just that it was awful and forgettable.
And then I read somewhere that it was cancelled.
(Apologies if the writer and artist are looking in. I’m sure you did your best. I know I couldn’t do anything a comics syndicator would the chance you got.)
MW: Belle’s working name is Dominatrix Madame Belle. Her pet name for Wilbur is Loathsome Worm.
FG and PBS: Subtle but relevant “messaging” here? Yessss!!!!!
Flash! (AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!): “I know! With a whimsical music montage!” “I have dibs on the tambourine!”
‘give the chance you got’
H&J: Well, now we know the identity of the “Herb and/or Jamaal” guy who was included in Pete Hegseth’s super secret war plans group chat on Signal.
That’ll save the congressional committee some time before it doesn’t do a damned thing.
Mary Worth: Ha, Wilbur is about to learn the difference between “vacation sex” and “woman I met briefly is living in my relatively small condo with me and my adult daughter and it turns out she’s kind of embarrassing to be with in public and how can I get her to leave?” sex. Luckily, he has a secret superpower: The ability to screw up every relationship! (Okay, that one’s not so secret.)
GT – Yea – don’t take losing so seriously – like they say, it’s just hijab…
H&J – When life hands you castor beans, make ricin….
MW – I have the feeling this is as close as Wilbur will come to blowing his top….
Pickles – Hey – it happens all the time…in fact, your grand dad…and right where you’re sitting….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@UncleJeff: Hard to believe Kegbreath and the cabinet shared super secret war plans with Jeff Goldblum. My god, what if Wes Anderson got his hands on them?
Gil Thorp: I can’t be the only one who finds the last two panels of Luke hugging this teenage girl kinda creepy.
Herb And Jamaal: This particular strip is probably kept in a filling cabinet to be printed anytime news of a military conflict actually manages to reach the ears of the average reader of a newspaper comic.
Mary Worth: “Suh-suh-suh-sexual intercourse?!?!? Zoinks!!!”
Pickles: That kid is totally about to murder his granny.
Am I the only one who’s noticed the significance of Belle’s name? Is it not a play on the expression “bats in the belfry”? I guess you’d have to be nuts to go for Wilbur.
@ectojazzmage: Pickles: That kid is totally about to murder his granny.
Or fuck her.
“…and here’s where things are going on today.” [Gestures at the whole map]
MW: Wilbur does a spit-take at the thought of the heavy burden ahead of him…she expects ‘all pleasure’? With HIM? Is he man enough for the task…….and he seems to think she’s blown into town for ‘business’ for a few days? I don’t think he’s going to wave bye-bye for QUITE some time, and there will be helll to pay until he gets rid of her. (she’s like one of those evil spirits who attach themselves to someone who visits a cemetery – they pay their respects, go home, and then have to call an exorcist!)
@UncleJeff:
Interesting. Never heard of it before. I was picturing Sarge yelling: “Let my people go!…to the firing range.”
GT: Too bad Inma didn’t win.
We could’ve had Coach Girard going full UConn Coach Hurley on the referees (and then weaseling his way out of trouble by threatening a Milford podcaster)
@astroboy: Apparently “Beetle Moses” is the nom du comix of the author.
He’s still doing webcomics.
I looked at a couple.
I stand by my first reaction.
Sorry, Beetle.
MW: the universe quakes and trembles as it prepares itself for the second time Wilbur Weston has ever had sex.
Oh no. I laughed unironically at Family Circus.
Pluggers: Reminds me of the old Smilin’ Jack, where one character was a stereotype, either Mexican or Chinese, I forget which. He was always popping a button from his shirt, which would then be eaten by a nearby chicken. I guess you had to be there.
“Make Room For Wilby” is a Desilu Production.
@The SURREAL Sex-Negative Nellie: ….or both.
Pickles-In a special ‘Pickles’ someone is going to die tonight.
MW – Oh, dear god. This is code for Roman Showers, isn’t it?
@taig: #88
Oh my gosh – me too!! :-)
Some of the ancient counties of England still pay homage to the Saxons that settled them. Wessex, the Western Saxon Kingdom. Essex, the Eastern Saxon Kingdom. Sussex, the Southern Saxon Kingdom. Middlesex, the Middle Saxon Kingdom. But erased from memory, expurgated from the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle and the Domesday Book alike, is Wilbursex, the infamous Wilbur Saxon Kingdom, remembered, if at all, for its Marian devotions, poor selection in queens, and love of karaoke.
MW: I have a mental image of Dawn with dark rings under her eyes eating a muffin and complaining to Mary about not getting any sleep thanks to all the noise her dad and Belle make all night. Now where did I leave that brain bleach?
@taig:
If it makes you feel any better, Dolly is wading into a hotbed of religious controversy. Noah’s wife is not named in the Bible, and apocryphal sources list over 100 different names. So her whimsically ignorant comment could easily end with her being burned at the stake as a heretic.
Mark Trail vs.NYC’s giant pigeons!
@Guts Dozier: With all those fetching farm animals around, who needs a wife?
MW: Heh heh
@Guts Dozier: Wouldn’t it be weird if Wilbur died in the living room?
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
How come we die in the living room and live in the dying room?
Note to self, don’t click on Josh’s links in any Gil Thorp commentary, it will only lead to some of the worst art you’ve ever seen.
JP – “The Firm?” Glenn is a member of the British Royal Family!? He’s known as Prince Dumbass the Stubbled. Younger brother Luke is the Spare. If she marries into the family, Sophie will be the Princess Royal Pain in the Ass.
9CL – Isn’t Alistair supposed to be either sixteen or twenty years old? In addition to looking like a giant, he appears to be middle aged.
Rex Morgan – Summer emulates the readers.
Mary Worth – If I were there, that “heh heh” would lead me to slap her.
@taig: It pains me to admit it, but I did, too.
@JeffMcm: In a world contained Alice and 6 Chix this is a very bold claim.
LUANN: I don’t get it. How are Brad and Toni not “having fun” with a nosy, intrusive roommate to listen in and smarmily interfere with their time together? What is wrong with them?!
@TheDiva:
#68. JP:. Right, no downside. After undergrad many go overseas in Peace Corps or military. Her more affluent sister went to Paris (or was that for an undergrad degree?). In any case, there’s nothing like a freshly minted alumna of a US college to have the knowledge and skills needed to run a Norway organization! /s
Luann: Have they tried using a condom or diaphragm, but secretly putting holes in it? I hear these maneuvers really up the conception rate.
I appreciate the care and attention to detail in the Mary Worth artwork. Making Belle’s rack roughly the same size as Wilbur’s gut is perfect.
Maybe Wilbur couldn’t perform during the vacation, so Belle is visiting because she feels unfulfilled.
Wilbur’s spit-take has finally given her closure!
@Pozzo:
#41. PICKLES:. Thanks for reminding us of names, Pozzo. Now what we’re they again….?
@anon:
#83. MW:. Anon, Wilbur has an easy out for this unplanned visitor. Suddenly, he claims his editor requires HE be the one to write “Ask Wendy” so he needs the space.
I’m not sure if the Pickles kid is simply taunting his grandmother with her inevitable mortality (‘Hey, grandma, do you think you’re going to DIE in the so-called LIVING room? Like, soon?’) or if he’s threatening to kill her, or if he’s trying to rope her into a plot to kill someone else (‘Wouldn’t it be WEIRD if someone died here? Let’s find out!’). If I were grandma, I would send that kid out into the yard, pronto.
Luann: TJ already does everything for Brad — let’s just cut to the chase here.
9CL: Were today’s panels printed out of order somehow, or translated into another language and back? I can’t make them make any narrative sense.
Pickles: My actual mother did actually die right here in the living room where I am sitting right now. We still call it the living room, though.
MW: OK – now it begins.
DT: so, all the pieces are falling together, but what is the angle? Is uncle and angry auntie running an insurance scam? He does a competent job are various companies, and fakes his death using homeless men whose dental work he has done to match his? Seems awful complicated.
GT: it has reached a point where it is not bad-good and now just bad-bad.
@Tom T.: 9CL doesn’t make sense any which way you arrange those panels.
GT – You think you failed. But you know who really failed? Whoever arranged the type in this freakin’ word balloon!
Don Abundio, translated:
“Tell me something, Don Abundio. Why did you buy such a huge bed?”
“I have very long legs”
“I can do without your sarcasm, Polonio!”
RMMD: Good. She’s finally asleep. Now I can strangle her with her ponytail. The Glenwood Strangler strikes again!
FG: Maybe lizard girl Pepa will make like a spitting cobra and shoot caustic venom into Peekaboo’s eyes, blinding her, while flyboy and geriatric gladiator take care of the other two.
9CL: Well, it happened: Brooke wrote a strip in which a woman gives her fiance (?) a handy on a park bench, after which she falls asleep and the cops show up. I’m not sure why she falls asleep, but the rest is indisputable. Too bad Brooke no longer keeps that blog where he can complain that the total pervs in the audience have imputed a sexual meaning to his entirely innocent comic.
The next few installments of Mary Worth will be guest-drawn by the artist who does Chickweed Lane, because we are in hell.
Crank: Jeff, I know compulsive collecting is a real issue (which these assholes find both hilarious and profitable), but it’s Three O’Clock High, so in this case I think you can probably cure the compulsion by actually trying to read it.
DT: Today in “Could Dick Tracy villains at least make a token attempt at not acting suspicious?” Claire dons the widow’s veil she purchased the very moment she and her husband concocted this faking the dead plan, to identify a body which she should still have very little reason to assume is said husband, who she’s supposed to think is away on a business trip.
GT: “Winning isn’t everything, and losing isn’t the end. For instance, suppose you want to be a professional comics artist but worry that you’ll never be able to draw a hug. Just keep trying, never give up, and maybe it’ll turn out you can find a gig where nobody cares!”
(I know, I’m the one who keeps pointing out that Merrill can actually draw better than this. But this should in no way detract from the simple fact that she isn’t.)
MW: For the past couple of days I’ve been thinking “It’s going to be so awkward when Wilbur has to say ‘Well, I’m cool with you staying here, but I have to check it with the teenaged daughter I never told you about,'” but of course he doesn’t! It doesn’t even occur to him! Awkwardness … well, I was going to say postponed, but actually achieved for completely different reasons!
MW: Anyone else (except for Dawn, and Mary) hearing that some lady thinks she’ll get pleasure from Wilbur would spit-take, too. Except theirs would be immediately followed by: “WAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!”
@Treetown: Whatever’s going on in Dick Tracy is probably even more complicated than that! Assuming Costello remembers what he wrote in February’s strips, Piltdown said the “main plan” could continue as long as the body wasn’t correctly identified, which is why he wanted Huey, Louie and Dewey to steal it when it wasn’t identified as him immediately (due to the stolen wallet, which I don’t expect to ever be explained to my satisfaction). Claire asked him about the insurance, and he said that would be nice, but they could drop it without affecting their actual goals. Whatever they are.
DT, addendum: Oh, good grief, I’ve just realised; it’s a guy named Piltdown with a fake corpse. Dick Tracy, where the villain’s name is always a stupid pun, even on the rare occasions it’s an actual name.
Dennis the Menace Spanish to English.
@Guillermo el chiclero: the alchemist needs something to do, too, but her story arc makes it unlikely that she’s carrying mind-control potions on her person at all times. Maybe she’ll whip something up after the fight to make the death squad forget Wilda completely.
@Horace Broon: At least it’s a pretty sophisticated pun.
@Dmsilev: #109 — I usually come in late, and the snark is covered. I was surprised that it would get to over 100 comments before someone said it, as you implied — MW fills in for Juggs Parker — (heh heh…).
@CanuckDownSouth: The fenugreek, man. Look to the fenugreek.
Luann-Maybe you should stop doing anal.
Gil Thorp, Panel 5: suicide bomb vest detonates
GT: “If Coach Thorp has taught me anything…It was probably by accident, but let’s give him the win anyway.”
MW: Belle thinks that staying with Wilbur in Mary Worth’s condo building is going to be all pleasure, for those of you who bore some doubt that she was off her rocker.
Pickles: It’s really going to blow this kid’s mind when he finds out that so-called New York City is 400 years old.
C-Shaft: Of course. If their business were fueled by people actually wanting to read “Three O’Clock High” there would be boards on the windows.
DT: Lee 10 Minutes Later: Huh? Oh yeah, I had a very thorough look at the washroom. Don’t go in there for a few.
JP: So the whole job offer is just Glen’s way of putting an ocean between him and his high-maintenance kinda girlfriends so he can limit their contact to texts and the occasional bøøty cåll?
Luann: TJ really just wants Bwad to stop eating walnuts in front of him, and I for one don’t blame him.
Phantom: Huh? Why the ellipsis/beat before Kadia says “strong swimmer”? Is this some kind of grim pun? Should she be wearing sunglasses so that she can pull them down while Roger Daltrey screams on the soundtrack?
S&S: Someone told the cartoonist about bumper stickers but he’s never seen one so he just assumes they take up the entire bumper.
Mary Worth
Gross.
And what if Wilbur has been in a coma since he washed up on party island after he fell out of the coconut tree? And the past few years have been a wacky dream for him since then and interspersed with Worthy-Brand®™ “Real Reality”™ for? us? I guess?
No, the fall from a multi-story cruise liner had no impact on Wilbur, but pulling a Keith Richards knocked him cold. After all, there can be only one.
Rubes: What cows might have to contend with while swimming.
@Chance: Well, Pickles Kid, in some regionalisms (possibly going out of style), it’s called the sitting room, and you’re sitting. Is that good enough for you? If not, try a little standing and get
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Fun fact: Rod Serling called his bathroom “The Toilet Zone”
@Sequitur: Thats udderly ridiculous!
@Majicou: 9CL: Well, it happened: Brooke wrote a strip in which a woman gives her fiance (?) a handy on a park bench, after which she falls asleep and the cops show up.
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Was a Walnetto™ involved? I think I know what he was there after.
@Father McKenzie: “Am I the only one who’s noticed the significance of Belle’s name? Is it not a play on the expression ‘bats in the belfry’?”
By Gadfrey, you may be onto something there, padre.
@Guts Dozier: That does make me feel better.
Her hair is Garnier gold
Her lips touched Weston’s surprise
Her hands are full of mold
She’s got June Brigman eyes
She’ll turn her charms on him
He won’t have to think twice
She’s pure as Ocala snow
She got June Brigman eyes
And she’ll tease him, she’ll unease him
All the better just to please him
She’s gold-digging, and she knows just what it
Takes to make him wiggling
She got Tonya Harding’s blonde highlights, she’s got June Brigman eyes
@144 taig:
You got Kim Carnes spinning’ in her grave.
Oh, wait. She’s not dead. Never mind.
@Sequitur: She’s not dead yet? Then why does she pace back and forth in my bedroom at night, moaning and gibbering and dragging a chain?
@astroboy: That would be a good plot. But I would prefer that she has stolen a curséd emerald from the forehead of an ancient stone idol, and wants trick Wilbur into taking the emerald and the curse.
“Help control the Weston population! Please have your Wilbur spayed or neutered.”, the ironically named Bob Barker.(There’s your Sunday Quote, Mary Worth creative team. I can be reached for payment at my commissions email.)
@Peanut Gallery: Wilkie Collins is someone whose work Moy would only know from BrainyQuote, so an homage to The Moonstone is right out.
@¹46 Ukulele Ike:
That’s not Kim Carnes, that’s Bette Davis.
@GarrisonSkunk: I think an arrangement can be made if you’re willing to take your payment in the form of stale muffins.
MW: Ordinarily, I’d say she’s laying it on a little thick, but I think this is the appropriate amount of subtlety for Wilbur.
@Rita Lake: I was about the Pickles kid’s age when I asked my grandma why (soap opera character) dying was such a big deal after all she was old. Said character was probably in their late 30s. Grandma responded with “You want me to die because I’m old!” She didn’t let me in the house while her stories were on for a long time after that.
And as I write this, I realize I’m the same age as Grandma was back then; maybe older. Circle of life.
LUANN: I see Greg Evans has never actually watched a person eat walnuts before. That second panel is certainly an artistic choice; normally you gotta go to Mary Worth for that kind of weird hand positioning.
@Tilaney: I remember believing, when I was a child, that at some point, old people must reach a point where they feel dying is entirely okay and is no big deal. Looking back, I hope I kept such thoughts to myself, but I was a yappy child, so probably not. Belated apologies to the kind adults who put up with me.
@Father McKenzie: I have hated Belle’s full name since it was first mentioned, and then it turned out that she also has horrible hair and rolls her eyes and says “heh heh.” Die, Belle, die.
@richardf8: I think P.G. was going more for the Lord Dunsany vibe.
Luann: Put it on a plate, Brad. You’ll enjoy it more.
@Sequitur: If it’s 1934 Bette Davis, I’ll take it. Yum.
@richardf8, @Ukulele Ike: I forgot about The Moonstone and never knew about Lord Dunsany; I was actually thinking of how that plot has been used in dopey sitcoms, such as the Season 4 opening episodes of The Brady Bunch.
Anyway, the closest we’ll ever get to that in MW is Wilbur, for the umpteenth time, ruining everyone’s latest chance at being rescued from Mary Worth Island.
@astroboy: Oh, waitaminute. That was an episode of The Flintstones. It *would* work, though!
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It worked on The Monkees! Thats what this Mary’s Worst needs! Mickey Dolenz and Davy Jones singing “I’m A Retriever” as Mary, Toby, Libby and Pierre romp in the background.
@Ukulele Ike: #158: There’s an old story that when Bette Davis first arrived in Hollywood from the New York stage scene, the studio sent a driver out to pick her up at the train station. When asked why he returned empty-handed with no Miss Davis, he replied, “I didn’t see anybody there that looked like an actress.”
Another story has a studio wag commenting about her stardom and looks, “She got where she was on talent alone.”
@158 Ukulele Ike:
With the pacing, moaning, gibbering and dragging chains, it was probably the 1962 “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” Bette Davis.
Wilber sex,Wilber sex/put our Wilber to the test, try his grey stuff its delicious/don’t believe me? Ask the dishes….
@Artist formerly known as Ben: @Artist formerly known as Ben: @GarrisonSkunk: I think an arrangement can be made if you’re willing to take your payment in the form of stale muffins.
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Its a deal! I’ll sell them at Mary Worth World (the Meddlingly best place on Earth) as paperweights
@Sequitur: “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”
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She bombed with the rest of the “Tarzan Babies” cast.
Sex Organ V.D. presents Al Jaffe’s Rube Goldberg’s SNAPPY SNARKS TO CARPY QUESTIONS “You’re asleep again, aren’t you?” “No, moron, I’m exercising my pet bee.”
This cute and realistic Wilburp Weston robot toy is the perfect gift for Easter.
Awright, everybody, I want to know what one or two or three of us did that was so extremely awful that we are now getting these Wilbur and Bwad sex stories at the same damn time.
@Poteet: SOMETHING’S got Moy and the Evansii lightin’ up the Ameche. I blame you.
I will just step aside from these two strips for a while, and go enjoy the comic stylings of 9CL AAACCCCCCKKKKKK
Wilbursex, Wilbursex, friendly neighborhood Wilbursex/Spitakes some soda,any size, watch as Belle takes him for a ride/She’s in it for the Wilbursex.
@Myrtle: Pickles: They need to monitor Nelson’s TV viewing. He’s watched too many Seinfeld reruns.
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Wait till you hear what he wants to do in the Master bedroom!
The notion of sex with Wilbur is unpleasant enough, but somehow using the term “Wilbursex” nakes it ten times worse.
Funny thing: the room for hosting guests we call the “living room” used to be called the “parlor”. But among its functions at the time was serving as the viewing room for funerals – viewings generally weren’t held at funeral homes at the time. But in the 1918-20 flu pandemic there were so many deaths, and so many viewings in the parlor, that “parlor” started to make people think of death. So they starting calling such rooms “living rooms”.
So, yeah, there often used to be dead people in what we now call “living rooms”.