Tales out of school
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Marvin, 3/1/25
When I was in graduate school, I was the TA for a class taught by an elderly British professor who was eccentric in ways that were variously entertaining (he took snuff in the middle of lecture, much to the students’ confusion and horror) and off-putting (the class was “Intro to Western Civ” but he built it around four or five specific and obscure topics from ancient Greece and Rome for which the students had no real context but which he found interesting). He wanted no contact with undergraduates beyond lectures, and we were expected to run interference for him. I didn’t think much of him as an educator, as you might be able to tell, but I didn’t wish any specific ill upon him. I later learned that he had, after being married his entire adult life, been recently widowed; because he no longer had anyone to cook for him, he was losing weight, but he also didn’t have anyone to pick out new clothes for him, and so one day, in the middle of lecture, his pants started to slowly fall down. There was a brief moment when my fellow TA and I looked at each other in horror — was it our job to intervene? — but he did eventually realize what was happening and pull them up, continuing to write on the chalkboard the entire time, and nobody ever said anything about it, not even the students, who generally liked to ask about his odd behavior during section in an attempt to avoid talking about the ancient world. This incident made a big impression on me, and I’ve thought a lot about what it says about what happens when you age or when your life circumstances abruptly change, and I bet a not insignificant number of older men go through something similar. So if I were the syndicated newspaper comic strip Marvin, I don’t think I’d be so cavalier about old people losing a bunch of weight and their pants falling down in public, because let me tell you, even though this strip is ostensibly about a baby and his parents, old people are reading it. Old people are all the comics have left! Don’t freak them out!
Archie, 3/1/25
When I was in high school, I was on the speech and debate team, and my senior year we organized a tournament at our school, with us students put in charge of doing a lot of the scut work for it. One of my tasks was to get the trophies, and let me tell you, discovering that you could just go to a store and buy a trophy that says you’re the best debater or whatever completely rewired how I thought about trophies and awards. They’re just things you can buy! They’re not even that expensive! Anyway, as a high school principal, I assume Mr. Weatherbee has a preferred trophy vendor and buys in bulk, and under those circumstances I have to imagine that temptation to do little bits like this would be overwhelming.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/1/25
Not sure why, but I really enjoy the choice to set this cartoon on a plane. They could’ve done the same joke in a restaurant, but this just seems more specific, which I like. I’m sure that smells great in an enclosed space!
Luann, 3/1/25
How’s Luann’s date with some guy named “Phil” or whatever going? Well, good news: she’s been told up front that she will not be getting any action at the end of it, which should really make it an enjoyable experience overall.
65 replies to “Tales out of school”
Mother Goose and Grimm:
“We’re having a ‘Kansas‘ dinner tonight, Junior!”
“How so, Pops?”
“Carrion, my wayward son!”
Marvin: “…he built it around four or five specific and obscure topics from ancient Greece and Rome…”
Great now I’ll be guessing all day. The assassination of Hipparchus by Harmodius and Aristogeiton?
Luann: Since he seems to have brought Luann to this ice cream shop in order to dine on free water, I don’t think who pays will be an issue. Or kissing, for that matter.
Mother Goose and Grimm: What airline is that? I don’t even care about the vultures — the seats look surprisingly spacious and comfortable, and I’ll take what I can get.
Mary Worth: Um… what? This advice couldn’t make less sense if it had been written by Wilbur after an all-night karaoke bender.
Pluggers: You’re an old plugger if you have an Andy Rooney impression ready to go, and also if you know who Andy Rooney was.
Marvin: There are a lot of layers of kink going on here. I’m not sure if you can hire professionals who’ll pretend to be doctors in order to orchestrate public humiliation scenarios for you, but if you can, it’s got to be more than you can afford on social security.
Marvin: “But Officer, I’m not a flasher, I’m just following my doctor’s orders.”
Good to know that Josh was once a master debater.
Marvin – A see a spot on the sex offender registry in your future….
Archie – That Archie laugh generator thing better up its game or be left in the rubble of history. It doesn’t have the cards…it just doesn’t have the cards….
MG&G – I requested a Kocer special bloated opossum meal….
Luann – I could see this guy in a successful relationship…with TJ….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: Dear Ask Wendy, I have a two pack-a-day habit along with drinking a quart of vodka daily. Should I quit? —Sheena
Dear Sheena, Is the risk to our well being worth it? The ill effects of those habits don’t occur for twenty or thirty years so you’re good.
Luann: Behold, the ultimate Evansii man! Polite, non-threatening, and cockblocks himself with no prompting!
JP: Hey, maybe Ces didn’t actually forget all of Ann’s various other crimes! ‘Sorry to interrupt but we need to talk… about how your visitation rights will work while Ann spends the rest of her life in jail for wire fraud, identity theft, misuse of public funds (oops, that’s for Judge Sr., how’d that get in there?), grand larceny, conspiracy, and crimes against fashion and the dramatic arts!’
RMMD: What, was June late to work because she had to deal with her toe-headed brats? Is her office hermetically sealed? Why isn’t Stickboy McRent-a-Cop informing her of this incident that took place in HER clinic and getting a statement? How is she hearing about this secondhand like this? And WHY does she still have that stupid cowlick on her forehead?? GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
Luann: “Do you first date a lot?” = “Is this a huge red flag?”
Mary Worth:
“Dear Penthouse…”
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
LUANN: Oh, please, let this last long enough for Luann to meet the family.
MW: …and some people learn the hard way because it’s like they just hatched from the egg EVERY SINGLE DAY.
FC: “Before flatscreens, people put their TVs right on the floor.”
MG&G: “Bloated possum” would definitely explain what we were accosted with on our last flight. We almost employed the oxygen masks.
Marvin: I think this old guy’s doctor might actually just have some kind of public nudity fetish that he’s desperate to get his patients in on.
Archie: Upon turning a corner, Weatherbee immediately breaks down crying over the fact that his nice gift to Archie wasn’t appreciated.
Luann: He’s severely prudish and probably sexually repressed, which means he’s the perfect man for Luann!
Archie and Jughead probably are continuously flunking so they are stuck in college for life
RMMD: Summer is in for a difficult, perhaps even threatening, time. Douchebag will end up with a broken face.
Marvin: I cant believe I’m saying this but Marvin speaks to me today. I mentioned recently that I quit drinking (Sunday makes 2 months). I went to the doctor Wednesday, and since I quit, I’ve lost 10 pounds, so yeah—my pants are falling down all the time now. Including while I’m teaching, to the joy and disgust of my middle school students.
@BigTed: Pluggers: You know, he could trim those eyebrows. It’s really not that hard.
Marvin: If only there was some kind of invention that people could use to help keep their pants securely at their waist. THAT kind of innovation is what the creators of Marvin should be working on.
MW: Mary’s entering data into her new AI start-up business venture, The PlatBot 2000 Advicenator.
JP: Uh-oh, here comes Detective Buzzkill.
CS: “Oh my God, you’re right! If we add a month to summer vacation, that means we get an extra month of summer vacation! Why didn’t *I* think of that?!” Wow, Batty is at the top of his game today!
Luann: At no time, EVER IN MY LIFE, have I had a date start with a conversation like this (although I’ve had a few that pleasantly arrived at “wanna fuck?”). Not as a teenager, not as a 20 or 30 or 40 something, and not now. Not even when I (ugh) tried dating apps. No one talks like this. “Do you first-date a lot?” WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Because in normal human talk, America’s Favorite Undiagnosed Down Syndrome Patient is saying “Do you rarely get second dates?”
Also, too, is Phil actually Bernice in drag? Because that hair and jacket wouldn’t be out of place at my local lesbian bar (now I have Jonathan Richman in my head) and Luann is definitely stupid enough to be fooled by a costume like that.
Also, as well, at least Phil is up front about his hyperhidrosis and the attendant miasma that follows him everywhere (which, TBH, might be the reason he “first-dates” so often). Treatment exists, Phil or Bernice, I looked it up online!
Watch out Luann—he might ask you to go on a solo car date, and maybe even roadside! Once you’ve “been there, you ain’t comin’ back,” Luann!
@Hibbleton: FC: “Before flat screens, people put their TVs right on the floor.”
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Yes, they really did.
Archie‘s name is now engraved on the most items in the Riverdale HS trophy case.
Pluggers eyebrows are a cultural signal to their dates: Don’t expect any manscaping.
FC shows the wonder of radio in the most unimaginative way possible. The kids will grow up barely able to visualize a talking head when listening to an audiobook.
CS takes place in a wonderfully strange town where the bus drivers’ union has more power than the police and firefighters put together.
Dustin is practicing for half a century on when they’ll be Crankshaft’s age.
H&L: Forget Thursday’s “love scene” and Chip. Maybe don’t leave Toddlers and Tiaras on the TV in front of the baby. We can all see where this is going.
Especially since the Flavor of the Day is Greg 3-1. (I first read that part as a grawlix, which somehow makes sense.)
Aren’t all animals in Mother Goose and Grimm sentient with human-level intelligence?
This s*** is turning into Kevin and Kell so fast.
RMMD: It’s not his fault. He can’t help himself. He’s bewitched by the beauty of Summer’s hairstyle.
H&L: This is what happens after you have completely run out of even the lamest ideas.
GT: “We’re doing the last runner-up all practice tomorrow.”
I’ve been on a number of sports teams over the years, and I have never heard anything close to that gibberish. I cannot imagine what it means. But such is life in The Bizarre World of Henry Barajas.
Do they still serve food on planes? I need to know what airline this is. Unless they just serve roadkill, in which case I’ll pass.
Zits: “Wow, my kid is really smart! But he’s also so dumb, like all young people! But he apparently has a GPA over 4.0, so he’s really smart! But this strip is all about how terrible young people are, so OH GOD EVERYTHING’S SPIRALING INTO ITSELF AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”
A few evenings ago, I was walking down the sidewalk, in my neighbourhood, when my pants started to slide down a little bit. So I immediately pulled them back up.
A woman standing down the road across from me, and was watching me do this, she was shouting out loud in an accusing voice.
“WHAT IS HE DOING!!??”
I think she thought I was going to drop my pants or something.
Newsflash! Not EVERYTHING is lewd or obscene, many things happen for a reason.
What stresses me out in Marvin is that these two old men have no other friends in the world and also hate each other so much that they’re only ever seen sitting side by side, arms aggressively folded like they’re trying to keep from strangling each other. Or the artists are so afraid of going off model that they can’t even draw these guys and give the joke about losing weight to the one who’s fat.
Marvin: I realize the “art” in this strip is cut-and-paste, but from the poses and expressions, doesn’t it look like it was originally about two men staring bitterly at the television, wondering why they’re watching this crap? Or is it intended to be a picture of a couple of modern comics readers, with the same idea?
Blondie-“Then there are the beatings…”
MW-“What the heck is this? How does this answer the person’s question,” the readers ask.
RMMD-“It just shows me how much of a loser that guy is if he’s following me around.”
last comment should say “draw these guys the other way round…”
OK while meticulously researching that comment, I went back through Josh’s Marvin archives to verify that they only ever draw those two characters in that pose and found that that’s not true at all. Here they are sitting on a bench, not a couch, in different outfits, and Roy not only doesn’t have his arms crossed but he’s smiling! And the other guy has a name (“Bernie”)! And they both have wives! I’m hoping you won’t notice this.
Marvin-“It’s a shame too because I’ll have to start wearing underwear.”
@Bob Tice: That’s a better joke than I’m going to see in the comics all week.
@brendancalling: No snark, just congratulations and best wishes.
JP: I don’t remember Ann’s hair looking like that last month. Cheap jail shampoo?
FG: Hey, eventful week. How many months would it have taken the Phantom to get shot down, climb into that jet, rescue Dale and Barin, and throw the pilots out?
Gobbo shouldn’t bitch, he at least looks cool now. Back when he was legit he resembled the little man on the top of the wedding cake.
Marvin – Better punchline: “How much do you weigh?”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Do you get any good insider tips from handling Don Abundio’s phone calls?”
“No, he’s too lousy a businessman for that to be of any use!”
“But I do get some great blackmail material!”
“Characters not getting any at the end of the date, or ever” is pretty much the Luann mission statement. An ase/aro father-daughter team is really something to behold, if you think about it.
9 Chickweed Lane: Speaking of mission statements, Who are these people? Why are they obsessed with sex? Why should we care? These and many other questions will never be answered, thanks be to God.
Marvin: I haven’t seen him in a while, but there used to be a guy at one of the facilities I visit who would walk around with his pants hanging full off his ass, leaving his adult briefs to show off for the world. I think he liked the ventilation to be honest, and oh also aren’t you glad Marvin confines the poop jokes to the babies?
Luann: will he *ever* unwrap his straw?
GT: What is Imra, the Muslim Wrestle Girl, doing in the boys’ locker room, and why isn’t Allah smiting her?
Luann: “If you stir a few spoons of the free sugar into the free water, you get a refreshing soft drink for free.”
LUANN: Phil: “Yes, this will totally, for real, take the stress off
me being a closeted gay guy escorting a ‘beard’ around to appease an intolerant mommy and daddya first date. Yep, that’s the only reason I’m suggesting it.”LUANN (2): Actually that kinda goes the other way too, since doing out with a sexually repressed, overly-analytical basket case means Luann is essentially dating the spear version of her best friend.
LUANN (3): Hmmm. Luann, a naive, not-too-bright collegiate young woman is also head over heels for some maladjusted weirdo she barely knows and has nothing in common with simply because he’s “hot.” (“See, see, it’s not just me!”, Dawn cries.)
Mother Goose and Grimm: This panel reminds me of Josh Johnson’s anecdote about a plane passenger unwrapping, and consuming, an entire rotisserie chicken sans plate or silverware. If buzzards flew coach, this is what they’d do, and it’s not even much worse than slightly substandard human behavior!
Marvin: Credit where it’s due: everything about the old men’s body language says that they hate this conversation, they despise the company they’re in, and whatever show they’re watching or activity they’re engaged in is miserable. I don’t know if this is court-mandated couch-sitting or what, but they’re mad about it!
MG&G: Now I know folks are wondering – Is that an actual three-day-dead Bloated Opossum? While we strive for authenticity – of course it’s not!!
Most people know that Possums can appear to be comatose or dead as a defense mechanism. But many of you may not be aware that they can also “puff themselves up”… to the point of being unrecognizable as a Possum! Parker Possum is a master of this trick, and with the help of lighting and makeup, is able to pull off this role in a highly believable fashion!
Props also to our Vulture duo, who are doin’ a fantastic job of anticipating this feast! And Josh shouldn’t worry about any odor problems for the other passengers. The producers didn’t feel any need to manufacture offensive scents for scratch ‘n sniff. Maybe back in the old days of print venues, but the digital version is just too expensive.
@Gerry Quinn: That’s just Luann saucily asking him for sex. (“So do you want to ‘unwrap that straw’ back at my place? Wink, wink.”)
@2+2=7: Since Luann’s place is her parents’ place, she better hope Frank and Nancy went to the movies.
(I just noticed that they’re named after the line in the Velvet Underground song “New Age:” It seems to be my fancy/To make it with Frank and Nancy.
Greg Evans is about the right age to have been a first-generation Lou Reed fan, if it’s possible he’d ever been that cool.)
REX MORGAN M.D.: I guess June was in her “Roots Country Meditation Chamber” (a nuclear explosion couldn’t breach the implementable bubble of Muddy Boots twangy refrain!) when all this stalking and harassment went down in the office.
Schools these days are can’t afford basic supplies but lobbyists from the award-industrial complex ensure their trophy budgets are always ballooning.
@The Quiet Man: Re:JP: Maybe this strip is returning back to it’s roots an that guy is just here to give Ann a big check for no reason…you know as her initiating rite of being a true Parker now (“Ann Parker, you were our 10,000,000th prisoner! Therefore you won the sweepstakes! Here’s a check larger than the GDP of New York. Congrats!”)
Josh, regarding that ancient history professor, that sounds almost exactly like the guy I suffered through, Professor Seeley (Sealey? God, its been years), when I was an undergrad History major at Cal.
GIL THORP: Hahahaha. Gil is so used to losing that can’t really alter his usual speech for shifting circumstances.
Gil: “I don’t care if we did win, we have a routine to upheld! Now go out there and do your ‘last-place exercises’, dammit!”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Weren’t many of us, at one time or another?
Frazz Wow, spring weather that changes quickly! How many years have you been alive, Purportedly Wisest Guy In The Strip?
Marvin – Marvin’s grandpa Roy’s overreaction to a doctor’s joke suggests he has lived his whole life where jokes are meant as put-downs and belittlement. He is not ready for a world where light sarcasm is meant as a form of encouragement.
Archie – Somewhere a principal is reading this strip and thinking this would be a funny idea that they hope will motivate a student. It will blow up in their face when they hand the trophy over only to be torn apart in the local news and social media because it turns out the student is facing homelessness, a sick parent unable to help them, or any number of valid reasons for struggling at punctuality.
Mother Goose and Grimm – Given the state of aircraft safety, these vultures are going to spoil their appetite eating that opossum rather than waiting for the plane to crash.
Luann – Instead of hoping for love at first sight, Phil or whatever is looking for every potential exit. That behavior is typical of cops or military people with unaddressed PTSD, which gives a hint at his trauma from past dates.
Marvin: The old man in the purple shirt needs to wipe his nose. Not as disgusting as Marvin himself, but still gross.
Archie: Panel 1 hints and panel 2 makes clearer, Mr Weatherby has a goiter. Gross.
MG&G: Gross.
Luann: Gross.
@Benjamin Frankenstein: @Benjamin Frankenstein: @Benjamin Frankenstein: 144 Gross.
FG:
“an alien clown in a red shirt”
It could’ve been worse, pal. Flash could’ve been wearing checkered pants and a neon orange wig.