Milky Monday
Post Content
Gil Thorp, 4/14/24
Look, my mission is as always to read the comics so you don’t have to, but sometimes with the continuity strips you really do need to read them daily, because the seemingly insignificant ones are there to set up the highlights. For instance, today’s strip, in which Marty is doing Step 9 of the twelve AA steps at the lady who took over his job and his beloved wooden crate press box, is much funnier if you had read Saturday’s strip, which establishes that he’s doing this in the middle of a game, probably in the hopes that some of his apology goes out on-air and people feel sorry for him and proud of the hard work he’s doing and give him his job back.
Heathcliff, 4/14/25
I’ve always assumed that Team Heathcliff resents Garfield at some level because, even though Heathcliff was the first orange cat comic on the block by several years, it never became the multimillion dollar marketing and merchandising juggernaut that Garfield evolved into. But then I see strips like today’s and realize that Heathcliff clings fiercely to its punk rock ethos. “You hate Mondays because you’re pandering to some sub-Dilbert level workaday everyman relatable feeling,” you can imagine Heathcliff saying here. “I love Mondays because I get to make other people hate them by ripping their face off and stealing their milk. We are not the same.”
Slylock Fox, 4/14/25
Wow, the post animalpocalypse society really is becoming more and more like ours every day, as Slylock (who I assume works for the Forestville Bureau of Investigations) becomes increasingly focused in getting one up in the bureaucratic war against the FSA (“they rely too much on high-tech gadgets and refuse to do the real legwork of law enforcement!”) and kind of forgets to do anything about Weirdly and the current giant robot situation.
Pardon My Planet, 4/14/25
Hey, man, uh, what do you think is in the milk you buy in the store. Like, for real. Because I don’t think milk works the way you think it works, like, at all?
177 replies to “Milky Monday”
Gil Thorp:
“Marty, why do you look like a dissipated Keanu Reeves? Or possibly Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters?”
RMMD: so Mysterious Stranger didn’t murder Stalker Dude? Maybe there is something weird going on in Mitford.
Anyhow I have to hand it to Stalker Dude. There was no lying around in bed when there was stalking to be done. That’s dedication to his craft.
MW: Is the reason that Belle is not going to try to kill Dawn in her sleep because she thrives on seeing the growing terror in her victims’ eyes as the life fades from their bodies, or is it because Karen Moy is a hack? Discuss.
GT: “I can’t help you get your job back, Marty.” “That’s okay, I’ve decided to be a mountain man, like Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant.” “…Have you watched that movie all the way through?” “No, why?”
Slylock Fox:
Oh, I’ve got it. The camera is like the GPS tracking device that was affixed to the bottom of Jones’ car in U.S. v. Jones. So it was a search, and the Fourth Amendment would ordinarily require Slylock to procure a warrant to install it.
How’d I do?
RMMD: No matter how much you dress down, it’s hard to remain inconspicuous driving a hot pink pickup.
PMP: “Psst! There’s an Amish farm out on rte 10 that sells raw milk. How’s your immune system?”
GT – Ah-mends – AH-mends – AH-MENDS – AH-MENDS – AH-MENDS….
Heathcliff – Soylent Milk – it’s soybeans…dear god, it’s soybeans….
SFx – So…it’s a dick sucking device…right?
PMP – And where does this demeaning of raccoons come from? Is it the mask, cuz most of us find that adorable….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
PMP:
Nothing quite stimulates the appetite to purchase lots of groceries like a cashier with multiple piercings.
B. Bailey: Remember when you couldn’t walk into a drug store, sit at a terminal, and print photos from a thumb drive in a matter of minutes? Neither do the creators of Beetle Bailey.
yRxMD: So, remember when they kvetched that there was no legal way to get rid of the stalker and the only way was bad and evil and illegal and bad?
Look like someone bypassed the kvetching.
yMW: Why are we surprised? We all know Wilbur’s hidden superpower is klutziness.
SF- well, i couldn’t find it- i guess it was because I had no Idea that the artist has always drawn every animal anatomically accurate.
GT: I read the first panel as “I can’t help you get your Joe back.” I thought someone stole his cup of coffee.
I’m disappointed in Heathcliff. I expect it to be full of arbitrary signifiers like Heathcliff tramp stamps and novelty foam fingers reading “meat”. Having “market” written on the market and “milk” on the milk cartons and milk truck makes perfect sense! Boo!
Pardon My Planet has always seemed like a world of never ending misery, so it doesn’t surprise me that the grocery cashiers comment on your purchases.
PMP: If anyone ever has to summarise Pardon My Planet‘s target audience, I think today’s strip does it perfectly: “Aging Gen X grunge fans who are also paranoid raw milk freaks.”
Heathcliff: Not enough supermarkets are painted hot pink.
Heathcliff: It really helps the gag if the reader know that guy is delivering milk. Apparently.
Pardon My Planet: It doesn’t matter that it’s milk, that cashier is going to have comments about “Bac,” Can,” the flattened bag from chips, and anything else that comes down the conveyor.
MW: It’s so typical of Wilbur that he is oblivious to Belle’s deranged expression. Didn’t she look like that in Cancun? It’s the kind of face you cross the street to avoid.
DtM: Margaret looks like Belle Battsfrey in training. It has to start somewhere.
9CL: For the best in emasculated groveling advice, see your future father-in-law.
Milk; from larceny-inducing lust to self-righteous superiority. Something for everyone.
You got me again, Weber. In a world where snakes are pink and foxes dress in pretentious cloaks, it never occurred to me to question the anatomical accuracy of a six-legged spider with two googly eyes.
Anyhow, I’m sure that spider-camera managed to get some great photos that will enable the FSA to build their own super-robots and tighten the police-states at home and abroad.
GT: “… that he’s doing this in the middle of a game…” Yes, well he also has to apologize to his fans —all six of them.
Heathcliff: In what universe are there still milkmen? I’m 69 and I haven’t seen one of them since my high school days. The only working milkmen left are the ones who get to boink Thel Keane, Lois Flagston, and Alice Mitchell when Bil, Hi, and Henry aren’t home, and that’s the only reason they stay on that job.
PMP – I’m more concerned about the contents of BAC. That sounds worse than SPLAK!
9CL – it was predictable that, once Edda had twins, Brooke would update the strip to feature two 18 year old HOT-CHA blonde twins who wear skimpy bikinis every day and spend their lives swimming in UNIDENTIFIED BODY OF WATER.
Less predictable, but still probable, was that Brooke would make himself into a character in the strip – a senior citizen virgin who appears out of nowhere and marries one of the eighteen year old girls.
Now, one of the girls is married to an avatar for present day elderly Brooke and the other girl is married to an avatar for awkward teenaged Brooke (aka Alistair).
Heathcliff really operates on a whole different level than most comics and especially Garfield. That is all.
Milk in my country mainly comes in 0.5, 1.5 and 3% fat varieties, and boy am I happy they’re branded as “light milk,” “medium milk” and “milk” respectively. It causes a little bit of confusion with the lack of modifier on the last one, but at least no one develops paranoid conspiracy theories based on reading the percentage number written in large print on the package and then nothing else.
Nice try, Heathcliff, but it’s the Dead Milkmen.
SFx – As usual, I’m siding with Weirdly here. The FSA clearly did not have proper authority to trespass on his property and install a recording device based on “a tip.” Stick it to The Man, Weirdly!
Also Heathcliff: If you were really hardcore, you’d throw a full bottle (of milk).
MW: FAR be it from me to criticize someone’s method of murder, and Belle certainly is resourceful for using what’s available, but that’s like an 8oz cup of tea…it would have REEKED of drain cleaner (which, having just used Drain-O this weekend, it’s also kind of a thick liquid, so I don’t even know how she mixed it in to give it the consistency of tea). It would have, likely, taken the finish off the table. This isn’t a reasonable story line even in the realms of MW.
Pardon My Planet: To be honest, I prefer whole milk rather than the typical psychologically scarred, fractured milk, but maybe that’s just me.
@Lauralot: Discuss Moy being a hack? Okay.
On April 3, after Belle spilled harmless soy sauce on Dawn, the narration box said that Belle did this “accidentally”, complete with scare quotes. Today, after Wilbur reached way across a table at the last second to spill deadly poison, it just says “Wilbur spills Dawn’s contaminated tea before she drinks it.” The writing and art imply that Wilbur knew what was going on!
Apparently Wilbur had a last-second change of heart. But he doesn’t tell Dawn what he knows, doesn’t attack Belle, doesn’t call the police, doesn’t even get this psycho out of their home. Moy has no clue that Wilbur is 100% complicit in this murder attempt. His reaction is to go out for ice cream, which makes zero sense. And Belle’s reaction was “Darn! There’s always tomorrow” instead of fury.
On top of that, Belle has absolutely no motive to kill Dawn. She’s not a romantic rival. If Belle wants Dawn out of the picture, all she’d have to do is ask Wilbur. If Belle is a random serial killer, she can find plenty of random victims where she lives, which is one of America’s major tourist destinations and also one of its worst-designed cities. Wilbur has a motive, since Dawn is a useless adult layabout living in his home, consuming his resources (SEE ALSO: Dustin), and is currently an obstacle to him getting laid.
@astroboy: The tip consists of the single sentence Count Weirdly is awake.
Really, not since The Big Bad Wolf in Disney’s “The Three Little Pigs” has a character been so pre-coded to be the villain.as the bad guys and gals in SFx. Teach your children well!
Dangit, I thought I’d solved the Slylock Fox by noticing the “spider” only had 2 eyes. I guess I have a lot of learning to do.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I understood that reference!
PMP – Last time you were here, you were a cow, and even then you didn’t understand milk.
GT – “I am getting help. I promise I’ll do better.” I sure wish this statement were coming from the artist who draws this strip. It looks like it was gouged in a piece of wood with a dull chisel.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Look at it snow, boss!”
“Yes. Better start calling my prospects”
“I should be able to earn a lot of brownie points tonight”
“Here you are, sir”
“Want me to plow your driveway too?”
MW: Belle does not act rationally. She is psychotic – we know that already since she appears to actually want to deepen her shallow relationship with Wilbur.
DT: Kudos to the creators, for not immediately jumping to the end, but adding more clues.
RMMD: Nice reuse of the last image of the Sunday strip. Recalls the great Wally Wood: “Never draw anything you can copy, never copy anything you can trace, never trace anything you can cut out and paste up.”
GT: Marty’s doing his best. If the expressions on her face were better drawn, this would impact me more.
GA: I’ll admit that seeing Mutt & Jeff in another comic from when my grandparents were kids is pretty cool.
H&L: Who put Joe Rogan on Ditto’s radar?
@LTJpezcore1: Hitchcock’s Shadow of a Doubt is one of my favorite movies. A side thread off the main plot is how the dad of the female lead, and the dad’s best friend, are fascinated with murder mysteries and “the perfect murder”.
This will be the first, and likely last, time I mention Mary Worth and Alfred Hitchcock in the same sentence.
RMMD: Mysterious Stranger must just have completed driving school. He’s holding the steering wheel with his his hands in the perfect nine and three positions and his thumbs are on top of the steering wheel instead of wrapped around it so they won’t get broken in the event the air bag is deployed.
MW: I’d snark about Wilbur offering to make up for a poor dinner outing by going out for food (as if that would go any better), but that’s consistent characterization.
DT: Countdown to complete mockery of priestly silence of the confessional in 3… 2… 1…
Heathcliff-Looks like Heathcliff over shot his mark and is going to end up face down in the middle of the street.
MW-“Now let’s all go out for frosty chocolate milkshakes.”
RMMD-In case you missed the exciting final panel from yesterday.
Pardon My Planet-Pardon Me for the Lack of Humor
MW – Too bad Dawn is an adult, then Belle could send her off to boarding school like a normal person.
Easy to imagine Heathcliff fans sneering at Garfield the way fans of traditional punk have long dismissed Green Day and their pop-punk successors, or original fans of Metallica and Megadeth despising Bon Jovi and Poison.
@treetown: As much as I respect Wood, he is one example of artists being, well, pervs. Frank Cho and Milo Manara are in that group. Maybe even Bil Keane may have secretly sketched Thel nude a time or two.
Assuming the FSA had a warrant, Slylock may have thought the flaw would be that it would be evidence instead of relying on conjecture and coincidence, so how would that hold up in court?
***
It’s a good thing kids don’t read newspaper comics anymore, because the weird anti-milk propaganda would probably cause a lot of letters from angry parents if they were aware of it.
@rosa: If Belle wanted Dawn out of the house, all she’d have to do is ask Wilbur to kick her out for the night. Or, ask him to rent a hotel room. The only reasons Belle has for eliminating Dawn have much easier solutions than murder.
Gil Thorp: “Note to artist, this lady is supposed to be sincerely accepting Marty’s apology, please don’t draw the middle panel in a way that makes it look like she’s rolling her eyes and only accepting to make Marty go away. Thanks.”
Heathcliff: Heathcliff as the radicalized punk to Garfield’s capitalist conservatism makes scary amounts of sense. Now I want a crossover strip where Garfield and Heathcliff get into a fistfight because Garfield called Heathcliff a commie motherfucker.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Based on the character’s first and last name, solving problems easily probably has less appeal for her than simple bloodlust. By Saturday at the latest, she’ll be maniacally lunging at Dawn with a kitchen knife and Mary will shoot her dead.
@MKay: Oh, I am so sorry to tell you this, but that is her new husband, not her father-in-law…
@Guillermo el chiclero: There’s a local dairy in my state that does weekly deliveries, so I guess we still have milkmen (and other gender identities of milkperson). They always come by super early in the morning, though, so I can’t confirm if they still wear those white uniforms.
GT: Man, I liked Marty more when he didn’t have to suffer consequences for his actions.
PMP: Give the strip credit, when it comes to envisioning an appearance for “social-media bred health nut who goes on about ‘chemicals’ and doesn’t realize that ‘2% milk’ refers to the percentage of fat by weight and not how much milk is in the product,” they pretty much hit the nail on the head.
G. (*&#@$! Thorp – Marty better not do his on-air apology when Nick Castellanos is at bat.
@Tonio: Finding victims for one’s simple bloodlust is still a problem that must be solved, and has easier solutions than what we’re seeing. Why didn’t Belle just kill random people where she was? Or better yet, in Cancun, where the strip could have disposed of Wilbur? Mary could ghostwrite Wilbur’s final book I Shouldn’t Have Been Alive And Now I’m Not.
Heathcliff – He probably hates this particular Monday because he just realized he was not part of the rapture.
Perhaps Brooke could do a crossover with Family Circlejerk. That would do the trick.
MW: I don’t know which part of Wilbur’s offer to take “Dawnie” out for ice cream is more insulting: her newfound veganism or how he thinks that she’s six years old and that sweets will solve everything. No wonder this plot is so inane when Wilbur can’t even be bothered to remember how old his daughter is because he either infantilizes her or treats her like a substitute wife.
Gil Thorp – I doubt the creative team at Gil Thorp is talented enough to be this intentional about this, but new announcer Jackie shows between Panel 2 and 3 how she, as a woman of color, has to swallow her righteous anger and annoyance not only at Marty’s past actions, but his intruding on her at work, in order to serve his story and ego. This is Wilbur Weston level self-absorption, but it feels like we’re supposed to be rooting for Marty’s redemption here.
Heathcliff – If you ever worked in theater or film, one of the most annoying things is when extras or walk-on characters break with blocking and direction and draw attention to themselves. This milkman is parked on the wrong side of the street opposite the market so he can be centered in the frame. He’s facing the wrong direction so he break the fourth wall. He’s not even looking at Heathcliff or reacting to him, undercutting all the stunt work Heathcliff meticulously planned out for the jump.
This milkman will be blacklisted from this strip for this blatant unprofessionalism.
Slylock Fox – Say what you will about Count Weirdly, but he has himself as a human, a snake, a vulture, and that Grimace mutant working together in common cause with each other, while Slylock and Max are serving a corrupt fascist regime that is rife with internal power struggles.
Pardon My Planet – Reading this nonsense I wonder is Vic Lee is some preachy vegan in the same vein that Johnny Hart became a preachy Christian in his comics.
I didn’t find the answer, but the first line in the About page of to comic says enough to show what an egotistical douchebag he is.
“Vic Lee grew up the son of actors who recognized at an early age that their boy was saddled with a huge sense of curiosity, talent, and rebellion.”
Count Weirdly’s purple, detachable primary sexual characteristic, “Li’l Scrote” is back and helping The Count fit together various aerospace-grade Mil-DTL-38999 Series III wiring harness connectors. The connectors are mysteriously missing the pins and sockets necessary for a functioning cable connection, demonstrating once again that Count Weirdly suffers from Oliver Sacks level of perceptual malfunctions, and realistically offers no harm to any Forestville resident, or the government.
PMP: for some reason, I remembered that the characters in this strip have names and backstories, and I have always wondered WHY. It’s not a continuity strip. The characters don’t interact with each other. They aren’t deep, multi-faceted characters—freakin’ LUANN has more depth. Also, too, it’s not funny. It’s never been funny. Not even “gag-a-day” funny. Also, also too the percent is the amount of fat, not milk. The rest is water, protein, and minerals. DUH. Not funny.
GT: It’s been a few months now since Marty Moon lost his job for being drunk right? Everyone else is wearing short sleeves because it’s spring (baseball season), but not Ol’ Marty. He’s been wearing the same ratty denim jacket since January. Probably hasn’t changed ANY of his clothes, TBH. What I’m saying is that Marty might wanna start working on his personal hygiene along with his addiction issues. Pretty sure you can do both.
PmP – This cashier belongs in the Shitty Customer Service Hall of Fame. She’s been brought in by Big Nut Milk (or Malk, if you will) to try and sabotage the Safeway.
I bet she also hates touching the packages of raw chicken. Having been a cashier for 7 years in HS and college, I can tell you that touching raw chicken was my least favorite part of the job. And that’s coming from a store whose seafood counter sold conch (smelly), and “assorted fish chunks”, which is exactly as described. It was not a job for the hungover, I can tell you that.
@Needless Exposition: I think Wilbur’s biggest misdeed is his failure to say the words “oh, by the way, Belle is trying to kill you.”
SlyF – It’s much more important to understand that spiders have eight legs (at least until some sadist at the FSA pulls two off). The current Giant Robot situation will take care of itself as the full face mask that Weirdly should be wearing for this hookup leans idly against the switchgear and the, um, “light show” that ensues from a floating ground wire that Weirdly neglected to bind to the case leaves his face charred and smoking Wily E. Coyote style as a cautionary tale on the importance of using your PPE.
PMP: The grocery checkout in Pardon my Planet is a hotbed of anti-dairy propaganda, sometimes on the cashier’s part, sometimes on the customer’s (even when the customer is a cow): https://joshreads.com/2025/03/grim-tuesday-3/
PMP – MadTV’s “Olestra” skit did this joke better with “5% less anal leakage.” The cashier is right, of course and the customer should hurry back and get the carton that says “2% milk fat.” Labeling matters.
C’shaft: Let’s see…*Google search* All the articles about the possibility of Sports Illustrated coming to an end were in…early 2024.
Like clockwork, I tell you. Sluggish, clunky clockwork.
Dustin: And just where does Dustdad go rather than be “cooped up” in his house all day? His office, an environment at least as joyless and stifling? His doctor’s office, to talk with the only person in this universe more nakedly misanthropic than he is? Maybe the gym, so he can whine about how it’s so hard to work up a brisk walk on the treadmill?
Luann: I mean, how big of a hurry can they be in? Spring Break was almost a month ago.
MW I look forward to Belle trying to kill Dawn in increasingly obvious ways, and Wilbur remaining completely oblivious to all of them even as he manages to inadvertently thwart them.
“Gee, Dawnie, it looks like the brake line to our car was cut! Must have been raccoons or something. Good thing I had a sudden hankering for Krispy Kreme right before you took your weekend trip to Kelrast Memorial Ravine!”
CS: I don’t understand the basis of this coffee buddy friendship. They represent at least two full generations with Ed being at least in his 90s, the former jazz musician must be even older and the third guy can’t be 70. It makes no sense to me.
@nescio: A local grocery store has a checker who provides a running commentary on your purchases: “Good morning hon how are you?…bananas, good way to start the day…grapes, so delicious…paper towels, gotta clean up the spills…doggy treats, I’m a cat person…bacon, watch your cholesterol hon…lettuce, always have salad…etc” Apparently, other customer find this charming as she will have lengthy conversations them about her church activities, her grandkids, or the weather.
@ValdVin: And possibly, the first time they ever have been as well!
Slylock Fox: Back at headquarters, Special Agent in Charge Barry Beaver of the Forestville Security Agency glares at the surveillance feed of Count Weirdly’s laboratory. “What’s this giant green thing I’m looking at?” he growls.
“I think it’s the back of Weirdly’s robot,” a subordinate meekly responds.
“Where’s Weirdly? What’s he doing?” thunders the SAIC.
“We don’t know. The spider-cam was hung directly behind the robot, and we can’t see anything else.”
“You mean the six-legged spider-cam?” SAIC Beaver rubs his eyes. “I shoulda stayed in dam construction, like my dad wanted.”
@Banana Jr. 6000: I don’t even like Dawn but she deserves better than to have Wilbur as a parent. Obviously she tried reaching out but her mother rejected her (likely with good reason since Dawn is directionless and shallow) so her best bet is to get a job and maybe get an apartment with Cathy (Ack!) since she’s the only person in Dawn’s life who isn’t simping over her or a childish parent.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: It’s like he turned Robert Heinlein’s Time Enough for Love into a graphic novel!
Heathcliff needs to bring back Milk Ape™!
Slylock hasn’t forgotten about the giant robot situation. He’s ignoring Weirdly on purpose. As the robot lies in the smoking wreckage of Forestville, defeated at the cost of dozens of lives, Slylock will wait for the cameras to point at him and then reveal the meticulous photographs he took of the FSA’s spider-camera screwup. “There wasn’t time to mention it before,” he’ll say, the consummate performer, near tears at the innocent animals snuffed out by this mistake. Those holier-than-thou FSA paper pushers will never have jurisdiction here again. Slylock will make sure this gets in front of the President, who’s probably a tortoise or something.
Mark Trail Mix: Sam the eagle also saw what you did there,Rusty, and he doesn’t like it one bit.Not one bit.
How much trouble could a legless robot cause, anyway? Looks to me like Weirdly and his cute l’il gremlin and helper snake are just making a really cool-looking oven.
@Navigator:
Princess Pussycat is the sovereign of the Forest Kingdom
BB: Even the U.S. spy satellite operation has had its budget cut. I hope the Forestville Security Agency doesn’t need to develop its pictures at CVS.
@Professor Well Actually: Ed Crankshaft is at least 106 years old. I base this on the fact that he canonically played for the 1940 Toledo Mudhens, a real-life team whose youngest member was born in February 1919. This is also consistent with Crankshaft’s baseball career being interrupted by World War II, and also overlapping with the beginnings of racial integration, which started in 1946.
GT: Jackie, the announcer who took over for Marty has lot to do during the commercial breaks or time out or whatever it is that is allowing her to be off air. She isn’t a beat reporter that will type up a recap later. She is supposed to be doing the play-by-play call and color. A better framing of the scene would be to have Marty hang around outside looking forlorn and trying to avoid eye contact with anyone until after the game and then make his apologies. As a professional he would know better than interfere with a live broadcast.
I understand that these calls for more realism and logic is asking a lot from a strip that showed an 11 man total blitz yet somehow had one guy get back in time to make a pick-6, but a just a moment of thought would actually help the story.
@Lauralot: Belle wants to offer dead Dawnie to Wilbur like a cat with a yard mouse. But that’s only the prequel to what will happen when Belle discovers Mary’s hold on his life.
MW: So now Karen Moy is just trolling all us haters, and she’s loving it. One would think that a writer would derive more satisfaction from doing a good job rather than being a hack, but in this case one would be mistaken.
BB: Evidently Sarge is following orders from Defense Secretary Hegseth.
@Guy Nerdlinger: You should submit that to Pluggers. This sounds like something they would love. Because anyone born after 1959 would find it rude and invasive, and no store opened after that would allow it. If some snotty cashier talked to me like that, I’d bring her a purchase worth commenting on: kitchen knives, heavy duty cleaner, large trash bags, rubber gloves, and a shovel.
@Cleveland Mocks: And Moy can’t even get the trolling right because while Dawn is as useful as an asshole on an elbow, her being dead is hardly going to get a reaction. At the very least, people will be like “Huh. She actually did it” and at most, they’ll say that it should have been Wilbur.
SF: oh, so the six legs are significant, but the great big googly eyes with blatant sclera, like no spider ever, are not?
@Banana Jr. 6000: he struck out Hank Greenberg 85 years ago.
MW:. When Wilbie Dearest sees the hole the drain cleaner ate in the table, will he get a clue? Guess that’s a rhetorical question.
Six Chex And A Cat Named NORM! in Search of a Punchline: She forgot “throw away the scribbled cocktail napkins once they come back from the syndicate.” (Those things have absolutely no value on the after market.)
@Guy Nerdlinger:
Reminds me of the joke where the guy buys a single TV dinner, a single apple, one steak, a bottle of soda, etc. and the the cashier says, “You must be single”. The guy snarks back, “Yeah, you can tell from the groceries?” And she says, “No, because you’re so ugly!”
Luann-Sadly the writers won’t understand the appeal of three college age women in the shower together.
Gil Thorp-Marty has already committed himself to a higher power. Mary Worth.
I could say that after the Animalapocalypse the vulpine dictatorship abolished privacy rights and due process, but it is now clear that they are not to blame, it was us
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Clockwork Orange?
I’d be really impressed if I met or even heard of someone who’s kids read Fox Cop for Kids on the daily or even on the somewhat daily.
@Nobody:
*WHOSE
I sometimes read read as read when it should have been read as read.
Heathcliff: In these days of assembly-line content and computer-enhanced art, it’s heartwarming to see a comic strip provide a clearly human touch. For instance, that handwritten “5” in the copyright date.
@Nobody: Love and Rockets!
Bold move of Slylock to start making puzzles that rely on accurate animal anatomy after drawing more than ten thousand of these things. Oh spiders don’t have six legs do they? well I’m pretty sure they, along with snakes and vultures don’t have two big googly eyes right on the front of their head either, so lets maybe slow our roll before we encourage kids to really pick apart the minutia on how these guys are depicted.
@Needless Exposition: Yeah, of all the characters in Mary Worth someone would want to kill, Dawn is way down the list. There is nothing to gain from it, and she’s only mildly annoying. Wilbur is a much better target; he’s relatively wealthy and easily manipulated. He’d immediately put Belle in his will if she asked. Making Dawn the target also brings a creepy “disposable woman” feel to the proceedings.
My top-of-the-list qualification for automatic induction in the Shitty Customer Service Hall of Fame is anyone who has ever said, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Just got that from a twatwaffle at the Apple store a week ago.
Do they actually teach that line in customer service classes or only in shitty customer service classes?
Slylock, you’re a fox whose mutated to be bipedal with increased cognitive abilities and self-awareness. Weirdly’s skin is literally green. There’s a small purple blob man assisting the Count. A six-legged spider is the least unusual thing in this entire cartoon strip.
Slylock Fox: Somehow, there was quite a slip-up between the artwork and the story in the text in this one. The scene was originally set up with me doing a Tom Cruise-style incursion to Weirdly’s lair on behalf of my fellow ants, I think to thwart some kind of Suck-O-Matic device that threatened our colony. Instead, they concocted a different explanation, and only at the last moment noticed that the creature in the starring role was an ant. Oopsie!
@TheDiva: #50: Forget about the white uniforms. I want to know if they still get to boink horny housewives while hubby is at work.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I’m 69
Nice!
Arlo & Janis – Lampy II, the new generation.
Frazz – Mrs. Olsen 1, Caulfield 0.
Mary Worth – If Belle actually succeeded in offing Dawn, the police investigation would be wrapped up within seconds. This is the stupidest murder plot I’ve ever seen. It’s unbelievable that Belle isn’t already spending the rest of her life in prison. And Wilbur, allegedly an advice columnist who should at least recognize nuances in human behavior, is so obtuse that he misses the fact that Belle is insane. She’s no Ted Bundy who is charming enough to pass as a normal person. Belle is so over the top batshit insane that Wilbur, Dawn, and every other person she meets should sense that something is really off with her.
A competent writer could possibly do something with this character, but Moy has made her so over the top crazy that this story is eye rollingly terrible.
Non Sequitur – Is there any chance of sending this bear to Dale Evans when Crankshaft is having lunch?
Rex Morgan – A repeat of a truck cruising by a parked car does not build suspense. Just saying.
SFx: Belle next turns her murderous attention to the spider. “Eight legs good – six legs bad!”
@astroboy: It was popularized in that universe by the hit song, “Baby Got BAC.”
I love everything about the wacko Wilbur girlfriend plot in Mary Worth. Belle’s impeccable “speak to the manager” 2000’s hairdo, her crazy-eyes expression, her cheerful attitude toward murder. 10/10 would read Bats in the Belle-fry spinoff comic. Just her going town to town causing mayhem. Truly a delight. I guess it’s going to take Mary to get a look at crazy-eyes before anyone figures out she’s dangerous?
@Guy Nerdlinger: @Banana Jr. 6000: I was born before 1959, and I would loathe that. One positive comment is acceptable, but a running commentary? Nope.
@TheDiva:
When I was a little kid back in the ’50s, my dad had an egg route. Early every morning, before he went to his regular job at the Post Office, he would drive around the neighborhood and deliver eggs to his customers. He took me along with him once.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: All the greats do that! I wouldn’t be surprised if Billy Shakespeare wrote himself as Romeo or Macbeth.
@Cleveland Mocks: “He took me along with him once.”
Only once? Did you take all the eggs out of the baskets?
Luann: Dez is upset, because she was going to take her monthly shower today. She’s a hippie, you see…
Also, under what circumstances would the three stooges arrive simultaneously and shoulder-to-shoulder?
CS: Crankshaft is upset he won’t see Kathy Ireland and Elle Macpherson in the swimsuit issue. Magazines are very out of date in doctors’ offices, you see…
Weirdly’s vulture is short a toe on each foot. How many secret cameras did they put in his lab??
Flash Gordon: Well over one hundred comments and no mention of the extreme nakedness of Hot Witch Queen? I am very, very disappointed in you all, and sure hope Azura is wearing underpants.
Crank: I’m guessing this is a reference to the Sports Illustrated licencing issues around Jan-March last year, which I’ve just looked up. While I appreciate the history lesson, I can’t help thinking that if I were writing a strip a year in advance, I’d probably do fewer “ripped from the headlines” stories.
DT: So obviously, shortly after I’ve quit GoComics due to terribleness, Seattle Times decides not to show me today’s strip. So back to fight with the GoComics site, and for what? Man Enters Confessional! The plot congeals!
FC: And, with the suggestion that Little Bo Peep may have had a fluid gender identity, the Keane Kompound has yet another book burning.
GT: I’ve been criticising Merrill’s art a lot (well, not a lot a lot, because I’ve stopped reading the strip except when it appears here) but if panel 2 is meant to show the expression of a woman wondering if Marty is about to turn violent, and whether she’d be better using those papers as a shield or throwing them at him as she flees, then job done.
HtH: It’s funny because Hägar is a sadistic monster who was looking forward to torturing someone!
Pluggers: Yes, that’s … that’s something people set alarms for, if they have a device they can set multiple alarms on, because they have to do it every day at the same time and it’s good to have a reminder. Is there a joke here at all?
(And am I more of a Plugger than Shelia because, while I have a smartphone, I had previously set up my reminders on an old digital watch, and will only see the point in transferring them when it dies? Actually, don’t answer that.)
RMMD: How much longer will Beatty try to build some suspense over something he’s already told us, viz. that Pound Shop Aldo died due to being on The Drugs?
@Myrtle:
Only once? Did you take all the eggs out of the baskets?
Well, maybe it wasn’t EVERY day. Maybe a couple times a week or once a week or whatever. Can’t remember. But I thought it was cool. And no, I didn’t take or break any eggs. I have no idea why he took me that one time. Maybe I was getting on my Mom’s nerves.
Pardon My Planet seems to be about a whole community of people trying out new haircuts to see what works. Or mostly, what doesn’t.
@I speak Jive: There was an actual Pluggers about chatty pharmacy employees talking about other people’s prescriptions. Which is not just rude and embarrassing, it’s highly illegal under HIPAA laws. Which have existed for 29 years now. Pluggers is always celebrating outmoded behavior. As does most of the comics page, come to think of it.
@richardf8: “It’s like he turned Robert Heinlein’s Time Enough for Love into a graphic novel!”
If so, I can’t imagine why. We all hated “Time Enough to Die”.
@Emmet Pismire:
Emmett! You animal! Who loves you, baby? It’s great to see you here again! Don’t be a stranger! And beware of Terros bearing bait.
I don’t think it’s fair to call Weirdly paranoid for looking for cameras when they are, in fact, planting secret cameras in his home. Actually I would go so far as to say that the man working on a science project with his friends, who so far as I know has never actually hurt anyone or violated their civil liberties, is not the diabolical one here.
@Banana Jr. 6000: I remember that one. In a previous life I had to deal with HIPAA (it applies to Medicaid), so I notice if there’s a violation. A cashier chatting about her church activities is annoying, but a medical office employee chatting with a patient about other patients is against the law.
@wesccov: #49 I meant that the twins’ fiances could go to Amos for whipped lessons.
Today’s Dick Tracy clue: Beardy McShoppingbag is actually an Anabaptist.
@I speak Jive: I once worked for a store chain that had pharmacy, so I got the HIPPA training. And even if I didn’t, I can understand why people don’t want the world knowing what meds they’re taking! It can reveal things people would prefer to keep private. Especially in the small, rural, closed-minded towns Pluggers tend to live in.
@taig:
Luann-I know why they would arrive simultaneously but they wouldn’t be shoulder to shoulder.
@Liam: Too bad they didn’t all get stuck in the doorway, a la the Three Stooges.
@Banana Jr. 6000: “So, who’s got a boil on the semprini?”
Slylock Fox is a fucking amateur. Six legs? Six legs!? That “spider” only has two eyes, you half-wit pedant! And they’re the size of its body! If Count Weirdly has any knowledge of animal anatomy, he already knows there’s a camera on him. On the other hand, with Grimace’s little brother hanging around, I don’t know why we’re thinking about reasonable anatomy, in any case.
@Horace Broon: Much as I preferred GoComics prior interface, I’m comfortably using the new one, and I must say that Comics Kingdom still holds the crown for worst user experience.
@Cleveland Mocks: When I was a little kid back in the ’50s, my dad had an egg route. Early every morning, before he went to his regular job at the Post Office, he would drive around the neighborhood and deliver eggs to his customers.
All the greats do that! We wouldn’t be surprised if Billy Shakespeare’s dad was an Eggman, long before John Lennon got the idea.
@McPerson: Weirdly’s vulture is short a toe on each foot.
That’s a very unusual variation, but you-do-you.
MW: Does Belle use special eyedrops? There is no way I could make my eyes stay in Nutjob Mode like that.
@Ukulele Ike: #114: We all know you have the hots for witchy wonder babe Queen Azura so we were all waiting to see how long it would take before you commented on her wardrobe malfunction.
@Ukulele Ike: Too bad they didn’t all get stuck in the doorway, a la the Three Stooges.
Oh, you got Inner Beauty, wise gal? Here’s your Inner Beauty. *doink*
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
*doink* That goes for you too.
FG: Old, ugly General Tahl must be nursing a major case of blue balls by now. Azura’s always teasing him with her near nakedness but he knows he’ll never get any even if he was the last man on Mongo.
FG: No, Tahl. This job calls for someone who isn’t a total fuck up like you.
GT: I appreciate Josh’s link because of the contrast. I can understand every single word of today’s strip, whereas the linked 2009 strip, as far as I’m concerned, might as well be written in Sumerian.
@The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers: John Waters had an Eggman in Pink Flamingos. He ended up married to Edie, Divine’s demented mother.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Bad Girls RULE.
(That thigh slit goes up to her waist. I didn’t know thigh slits could do that)
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: The twins are MARRIED now?? How old are they?? It seems Brooke’s cheese has slipped completely off his cracker.
@Banana Jr. 6000: And even if I didn’t, I can understand why people don’t want the world knowing what meds they’re taking! It can reveal things people would prefer to keep private.
“Prescription pickup for Jardon… There’s a Viagra prescription for a Hugh Jardon.”
“Didja hear that, ladies? I’ll be home in 30 minutes. Please form an orderly line at the patio door for the next four hours.”
@Banana Jr. 6000: I had more annoyance with that “woke” redhead who vehemently hated cops and was practically throwing tantrums if anyone ate meat in her vicinity than I do with Dawn. Dawn might be a boring, shallow skank but at least when she decided to go vegan, she didn’t get on her soapbox and acted like she was holier than thou while ripping off the heads of anyone who didn’t follow her diet.
@Ukulele Ike: Oh, now you’ve thrown down a gauntlet in front of 9CL.
@Poteet: The twins are MARRIED now??
Yes, and they’re both pregnant already! With twins, the both of them! You know about exponential growth? You remember Mickey Mouse as the Sorcerer’s Apprentice in Fantasia? Well, this is what we have to look forward to!
I suppose water is technically something that you wouldn’t feed a raccoon, in that it’s something you would give one to drink instead. I guess this is subtle advocacy for buying powdered milk instead, and…eating it straight? I’ll stick to BAC, thanks.
@Ukulele Ike: #138:
“Bad girls RULE”
Then how come over in Buck Rogers you’re a Wilma Deering man and not an Ardala Valmer man?
The art in Gil Thorp is so bad. Like after-a-stroke level bad.
Dennis the Menace-There’s Something About Margaret
Dennis the Menace-It’s been about a week since Jay North has died has “Dennis the Menace” made any sort of mention of him?
@Guillermo el chiclero: Wilma was drawn prettier. I am nothing if not shallow.
Josh’s metaphor works: Garfield is Kiss (not entirely, early Garfield was…okay), once potent, now a total product. Heathcliff is G.G. Allin, flinging poop in the audience, smearing it on itself, eating what is left. Actually, that only kinda works, modern Heathcliff kinda rocks, Allin’s show would be shut down by the end of this sentence
Was Ardala Valmar named after the Valmor Products Company, a South Side Chicago-based producer of cosmetics for African-Americans, including hair straighteners and skin lighteners?
Discuss.
(Valmor (1926-1984) was known for its Distinctive labels. [scroll down to the slideshow!] R. Crumb published an article devoted to their hysterical graphics in Weirdo magazine back in the early 80s.)
@Guillermo el chiclero: I don’t believe he’s specifically a traditional milkman (who brings them directly to ones’ front door) but a delivery-man who brings milk to the grocery stores.
On another note: love how Marty has adopted that coat as His Look. I could see him, roaming the once-Southwest, having adventures. You know, a la Kung Fu, or, perhaps, The Incredible Hulk
@The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers:
All the greats do that! We wouldn’t be surprised if Billy Shakespeare’s dad was an Eggman, long before John Lennon got the idea.
OMG, you’re right! That never occurred to me. My Dad was The Eggman! And for that one glorious morning, I too was The Eggman — or more precisely, The Eggwhelp!
Goo goo g’joob!
This is what it sounds like when Dawn sighs…
Mary Worth
This is what it sounds like when Dawn sighs…
@The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers: Hahaha, good one! Highly amusing! Because you are kidding, right? Right? *pause* Right?
Anybody reading the Vintage Judge Parker at Comics Kingdom? It’s 1969 and principled Legal Aid Society lawyer Sam Driver meets famous sexy rich lady Abby Spencer for the first time. This after a week of remote foreplay: She sends a chauffeured limo with orders to fetch him. He sends word back that she has to make an appointment through his secretary like everybody else. Abby does so, telling him it’s black tie. When he does condescend to dress up and get in the limo sent for him, she offers alcohol and playfully explains the black tie requirement was to demonstrate the foolishness of social convention.
Anyway, Abby has heard about his work and wants to put him on retainer — $40,000 per year, 1969 money — to defend her hippie proteges (playing acoustic guitars and reciting blank verse by the pool) as they Challenge Laws That Should Be Challenged. Right now she’s persuaded sternly disapproving Sam to come along to jail to meet one of them in jail, charged with possession of pot among other things.
In years to come, under Sam’s influence, Abby will replace hippies with horses and become far more respectable.
I also worked at a store that had a pharmacy when I was young, so we got the HIPPA training. As an added twist, this pharmacy was very close to Orchard Park, where The Buffalo Bills play, and a whole lot of the players got their scripts filled there. So we were extra, extra, EXTRA warned to never, ever disclose what meds the players were on.
They scared us so much, I still won’t tell after all these years. We were also strongly discouraged from asking for autographs.
Me, yesterday:
“Dustin: I’m guessing tomorrow’s strip will be about how Dustin is a terrible person because he lacks discipline.”
Ehhhhh…close enough.
Heathcliff; I have no idea what’s going on. Is the cat coming or going?
@TheDiva: “Gee, Dawnie, it looks like the brake line to our car was cut! Must have been raccoons”
-If Wilbur bought the GOOD milk that raccoons would drink 98% of, this wouldn’t have happened.
-Being a comics universe, I would personally prefer that The Guardians of the Galaxy have a bounty on Wilbur’s head, being a fugitive from Galaxy Burpon 5. That Rocket Raccoon did literally cut his breaks.
This is a perfect example of the anti-dairy jihad waged by a small number of extremists. There’s a reason it’s called lactose “intolerant”.
@Needless Exposition: Yeah, the entire Hillend family is awful.
https://imgur.com/a/UO4sp53
@Someone Else: “Boink-Mayonnaise: It’s So Boinkin’ Good!”
GT: Since Marty now looks like late ’70s Michael McDonald I tried reading his lines like he’s singing a Doobies song in Michael’s voice. 100% improvement.
‘You are a FINE sportscaster,
And you took some HEEEAAAT for my absence!’
It really works, unfortunately.
@Mikey:
Sir…I sm in your debt.
FG: How come Queen Azura and General Tahl have wiggly word balloons, but O’Margrave (faith and begorrah!) has normal ones? Is he less EEEEEEVIL?
(Yeah, I went back for another peek. Don’t judge me)
Questionable Content: I see the QC complainers haven’t stopped by today to complain about today’s open discussion of wanking. Maybe because it is simply adorable.
Anh is blushing in a full 50% of the panels. (I love how that loose lock of hair reflects her mercurial mood)
@Ukulele Ike: FG: Meh, Azura’s near-nakedness is par for the course*, didn’t seem worth commenting about**
*humourously noted by Calvin and Hobbes, https://calvinandhobbes.fandom.com/wiki/Amazon_Girl?file=Screenshot_2017-02-20-19-31-06-186.jpeg
**of course, the fact that pulchritudinous female depictions does nothing for me may have something to do with this as well (-:
@Ukulele Ike: #168: A margrave (or margraf) is a German title of nobility dating from the Holy Roman Empire. It’s equivalent to a French marquis or a British marchess, ranking below a duke but above an earl or count.
@Bob Tice: To be fair, I knew someone who had about 20 (maybe even more) piercings up both ears, and she was an absolute sweetheart.
@Poteet: Hahaha, good one! Highly amusing! Because you are kidding, right? Right? *pause* Right?
It’s going to be Fuck Pond filled to the brim – and then some – with Edda clones and their thralls!
SF: I am generally very fond of spiders. I stop to admire them outdoors, I carry them carefully outside if they’re in my bathroom or bedroom, I leave them alone if they’re in the garage or basement, etc. But if I saw a really ginormous spider with two big googly eyes in my living room, I would seriously investigate regardless of the number of legs. I think the spider-camera we’re seeing today has extremely limited, emphasis on extremely, practical applications, is what I’m saying. I’m not sure there is any place other than Weirdly’s lab where it would have even a small chance of being effective.
@The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers: Gaaaaaaaaaaah!
@Poteet: Gaaaaaaaaaaah!
Worse than turtles, it’s Eddas all the way down and thralls all the way out to the sides!
I see that like a lot of legacy strips, Heathcliff and Pardon My Planet have failed to adapt with the changing times. Heathcliff because of the presence of milkmen and Pardon My Planet because they forgot that milk is regulated now and you’re not likely to get a bottle full of river water and white chalk delivered instead, thanks to the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906. …Wait, what do you mean Pardon My Planet premiered ninety years after that act was passed?