Sitcom-adjacent jokes
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/20/25
On Sunday, June got the mail, and told her sons that the family had gotten a wedding invite, and they were like “You get free cake at a wedding! That’s the reward for sitting through the boring parts!” Then yesterday and today, she also told Rex about the invite, and he gave the exact same response. This would’ve been a perfectly serviceable bit if it had played out over a minute or so in a sitcom, but it works significantly less well in a continuity strip, where it takes three days and at the end you have to remind people what happened over the previous two days, in case they never read those strips, or just forgot about them.
Luann, 5/20/25
“Sassy old lady” is also a hoary sitcom trope, and I probably shouldn’t get as much amusement from it as I do, but you have to admit it works particularly well in Luann, when the sassy old lady quips are generally along the lines of “Hey why don’t you loser kids shut the fuck up for once in your extremely overthought lives, huh? Let’s have some tea.”
Crankshaft, 5/20/25
Look, buddy, this lady works at a florist shop, so I agree that she should not just repeat the name of the flower you named back at you as a question, but should rather let you know if they have them available and how much they would cost if they do. However, I do not think taking her question as an opportunity to launch into a meandering soliloquy about times gone by is going to speed up this transaction. Quite the opposite, in fact!
134 replies to “Sitcom-adjacent jokes”
CS: I dunno Josh, my Mom once had to explain to two hardware store workers what rakes were…
RMMD: June, what have they done to your hair? Blink twice if you need help, June!
MW: You know what would be hilarious? If Belle didn’t actually do anything to Willa at all, just pointed out that it’s weird to name a goldfish after yourself, and that’s the final straw that causes Wilbur to throw her out.
MW: Let me gaze into my crystal ball and predict this arc.
I see… I see…
Belle questioning why Wilbur would care for something as insignificant as a fish.
She starts thinking it over and over and over, and realizes that love is a thing that exists, not just mindless death.
She then embraces love in her heart which grows three sizes that day.
I like to think that the retirement home in Luann is called “Cleepy Creek.”
@Lauralot: Or she does something like, eat the last Twinkie in the fridge.
RMMD:
“Once we get through the boring parts of the ceremony, June, the rest of the event will be a cake walk!”
MW: When your crazy girlfriend thinks you might be too crazy for her.
Luann: Yeah, you did have a sustainable job without your parents’ help, but Tara sort of like sabotaged that….
Phantom: So, does that allow kerfuffles?
Phantom2: Victorian Boston Marriages are still possible, according to Mrs. Daft, I see.
CS: The popped-collar trenchcoat and fedora mean that he’s a spy and this is a code phrase, right? Rooting for him to be the one that’s gunned down in the opening minutes, I hate him already.
RMMD: Beatty is just trolling us now with head shots of June.
I think it’s pretty clear that the sweet, delicious cake at the end of a long, painful wedding is supposed to be a metaphor for what the Rex Morgan, MD writers have been going through. They had to write a series of strips where it almost looked like something was going to happen, and after that excruciating ordeal, they’re savoring the opportunity to get back to what they enjoy and write strips where nothing at all happens. Sweet, delicious nothing.
@BeckoningChasm: So glad someone else is having trouble with that font. Solving for pattern, my mind made “Creepy Freak” out of it.
CS: “Wisterias?” the salesgirl says in a surprised tone when the old man doesn’t flash her.
Crankshaft: Sounds like spy code to me. I think the proper response is “The goldfish swims in mudddy waters.”
Luann: Hey, old lady, you can suggest they “celebrate the weeniejob”, but I assure you nothing sexual is going to happen between these two.
It’s less boring if you imagine what the boys said was the message June got sniffing a fire hydrant.
RMMD: I am 100% with Rex and the boys on this one. If I have to put on respectable clothes and sit through a wedding, the cake had BETTER be good!
MW: “I’m going to start dinner now, Wilbie. Do we have any wasabi?”
LUANN: In books, you can rely on sassy old ladies to say, “Hmph,” at least as often as they make tea. I think it’s in the handbook.
Crankshaft: “Uh, you do know ‘Wisteria Ballroom’ was just a name, right? They never really had flowers there. And for god’s sake, man, put some pants on, this isn’t Summit Beach Park!”
RMMD: Yeah, pretty sure Rex just heard ‘the boys’ give that response and then repeated it to seem more human. I mean, look at that face: is that a guy who likes cake? “Mmm-mmm, I sure do enjoy foodstuffs with a high dose of sucrose. Is that an ova-based product binding the starch?”
Luann: You know what? I’m just going to erase those first 2.5 panels and just focus on the old lady saying “Celebrate the Weenie Job”. Sounds like old-timey slang for a handy!
CShaft: Oh no, it’s two lonely old people with lots of nostalgia and time on their hands. It may case a feedback loop so strong we all get sucked into a black hole of boredom…
CS: Eugene, just go to Lillian’s house and punch her in the face. You’re a World War II veteran and the same age as her, which means you’re both at least 96 years old. No jury on earth will convict you once they hear why. And it would be the best moment in the history of Crankshaft.
Also: if your florist doesn’t know what wisterias are, she’s not going to know the Wisteria Ballroom at Summit Beach Park, which closed in 1958. She was probably born later than that.
Luann: Overthought, but also underthought. A “part-time weekend” fast food job part-isn’t going to afford anything.
MW: And that’s one point for Belle.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!
WHAT th’?!! Is that STELLAN mounted on that top plaque in Rex Morgan’s study? That expression of blank surprise is hard to mistake. If it IS Stellan, good work on perpetuating royalties on a dead fish! Who’s the carp on the lower plaque? It looks like a fish that was on the menu at The Bum Boat the last time Mary and Jeff had dinner there. I gotta give it to you, Sid. Only you could find the way to introduce new, deceased clients into the mix for our amusement. Looking forward to seeing some of the dogs and cats who have come out of ANIMAL HOSPITAL.
Eugene laboriously recounts the time he squandered his one chance at love for some cheap, maudlin, self-indulgent posturing. It takes the clerk quite a while to realize he’s hitting on her.
Luann: Finally, Phil in panel two asks what we’ve all been asking for years.
Luann: Fully staffed? No problem. They can always fire someone to make room for the boss’s kid.
If free cake is a reward for sitting through the boring parts, where’s Josh’s cake for sitting through Rex Morgan, M.D.?
RMMD – Please tell me one of those Billy Bass plaques sings Achy Breaky Heart….
Luann – I don’t follow the strip too closely – is Ann Eiffel still an assistant manager in training….
Crank – Or was it Listerias…whichever one gives you diarrhea. I’m plaqued by chronic constipation….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RMMD: Every day June shaves a bit more off her head, just to see how long it takes Rex to notice. She’s down to “80s old school hip hop star”, and so far no dice. But to be honest, she could go cueball bald and Rex still wouldn’t realise. Chris Rock could tell June she looks like GI Jane 2 and all Rex would say is “I enjoyed the first film. Didn’t realise they were making a sequel, although it seems highly unlikely it would star my wife”.
Luann: Incredibly tickled that you can apparently print the word “weeniejob” in the newspaper now. A shame that she didn’t get a job as a hand model or a blow-drier or maybe vet at a titmouse sanctuary.
Crankshaft: This strip is just teeming with nostalgia about the “good ol’ days.” That florist is suddenly moved by the memory of that time she went down on two guys for a hit of riitalin at a Molly Hatchet concert at the Wisteria Ballroom at Summit Beach Park!
Crank: “Sir, a florist shop sells cut flowers, and wisteria is a climbing vine you generally see trained to grow over a trellis or hang from a balcony. I think what you need is a real estate office. Also, this is an Arby’s.”
@Little Guy: Now now, Luann sabotaged that job all by herself. She was the one who allowed Tara and her deadly weapons onto school property without proper clearance, then got all huffy and self-righteous in the face of accountability for her stupid, stupid actions.
JP: Oh fer cryin’ out loud, just start making out already! This is ‘Juggs Parker’ after all!
Rex Morgan, M.D.: “Actually, wedding cakes have historically been symbols of fertility and prosperity. In ancient times, the groom would break the cake over the bride’s head to represent her submission and willingness to give up her virginity to him.”
“Wait, we didn’t have any cake at our wedding?”
“There’s a reason for that.”
The art in Rex Morgan isn’t anything special, but credit where it’s due, you can practically hear the mechanical creaking in the first panel as Rex comes out of rest mode to interact with his wife.
Crankshaft: “Wistful for Wisteria” is the new “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,” except with less sugar and more smirking.
Flash Gordon: Short skirt, boots, mask, cheeky sleeveless top. All right, it makes no difference whether they’re in a penis, a vagina, or a rectum. This guy is clearly prepared for all three.
CS: To be fair (as if we ever are!), that could easily be an incredulous response from any reasonable florist. Wisterias are big bloom clusters that attach pretty darn close to the parent vine, which can grow to be branch-like. You don’t chop the vine to put the blooms in a bouquet, and the bloom cluster base wouldn’t have much of a stem to hit water in a vase. They are *spectacular* flowers climbing homes or on trellises – I went to a Wisteria Festival in California once where you could walk through almost-tunnel trellises. But at a florist shop? Nope.
(Checked – FTD has no matches, Google shows you *artificial* ones for bouquets)
and oversnarkpologies to Ukelele Ike, it took me a bit to type up the above!
Crankshaft: “Oh, sure, I’ll get you all the wisteria we have,” says the florist, before going into the backroom and gluing purple flowers onto a bouquet of poison ivy.
CS: am I supposed to know who this is? Yesterday I thought it was Crankshaft but it clearly isn’t. So who is he? I’m embarrassed that I care enough to ask.
SHAFT – Wisterias? This is a janitorial supply shop. May I interest you in some urinal cakes, like they used to have in the Wisteria Bathrooms at Summit Beach Park?
Luann: I used to visit a quite independent 103-year-old lady at my first church. Before going out the first time, I asked some other parishioners if there was anything I should know. Yes, they said: she’ll offer you some tea. Don’t drink it. Turns out she liked to spike her iced tea with Jack Daniels, and it sometimes wound up being more Tennessee sipping whiskey than actual tea. Another 98-year-old turned to her granddaughter one day and said “Oh Mary, I’m so horny, I just don’t know what to do.” If Luann were renamed Mrs. Horner and Barney Googled all its characters, I’d note hate-read it, is what I’m saying.
CS: She would know wisterias if they appeared in a Silver Age comic.
CS: after waaaay too long, I finally realized Batiuk’s approach to comics. Either hammer the same joke over and over again for two+ weeks (“run the school bus like Amazon!” “Lena’s brownies are bad.” “Bean’s End,” which was the worst since he put the phrase “Bean’s End” into every. Goddamn. Strip. Every. Goddamn. Day.) or “long, rambling, nonsensical flashback in which Batiuk forgets his own plot points.”
Two questions. How is it that Crankshaft is even stupider than Luann, and why do I read comics I hate?
HtH: Fat old men get the ordinary bound-around-torso-and-ankles. Women get fascinating Irving Klaw-style BDSM ropework. The Vikings were truly a remarkable culture.
By “cake” the boys mean cake. By “cake” Rex means booze.
MW: Ooooh! Isn’t this great? The dramatic tension is just palpable! I think my wistful expression really sells it! Belle is adding to the suspense by not looking *quite* so crazy today – what a terrific actress she is, as well as such a sweet person!
I’m so glad The Ladies gave me a chance to show my acting skills here as a Murder Victim!! All Stellan had to do was float motionless after having a heart attack or something, but here – I’ll be the Star who is in deadly peril! Facing a horrific demise! A victim of a crazed maniac! It doesn’t get any better for a serious thespian!
They’re unclear on the details of how I’ll meet my end, but they assure me it’ll be a life-changing performance for me. I’m so lucky to be a part of this!!!
Luann: It’s okay to want independence but the price of rent means that “weeniejob” is going to be a way of life rather than just a misprint.
MW: Belle has just realized that maybe trying to kill Dawn isn’t worth it with a father like Wilbur…or she’s taken an extra hit of ecstasy and it’s kicking in.
GT – Either Pops is not paying attention and is having everyone spell out “yes” rather than guiding them directly to the actual word in the upper left, or he’s just messing with them. If it’s the latter, he’ll probably have them spell out the first chapter of “Bang the Drum Slowly,” just have a good laugh.
RMMD: If you imagine the panel-one dialogue spoken by the two mounted fish, it’s—not better, exactly, but at least it’s not Rex and June speaking.
@Professor Well Actually: It’s Eugene, a man who proposed to Lillian McKenzie’s sister Lucy by snail mail in the 1940s, only for Lillian to hide the letter and keep it hidden for 60+ years. This drove Lucy into an santiarium, and Lillian to care for her, though it never occurred to Lillian she might have been the villain here. See also Uncle Lumpy’s link at #22, which also contains the best thing ever written about Funky Winkerbean: “This is not romantic, touching, or poignant. It is stupid, and you two deserve exactly what you got.”
I can live with Hi and Lois shifting to some punchline-less art-house mode (we get it, Hi, you’re above popcorn-shilling crap like the latest Garfield Movie) and Snuffy Smith turning into a punchline-less crime drama (maybe Snuffy’ll get “snuffed” by Dick Tracy?), but I don’t know if I can handle those punchlines getting transferred over to Rex Morgan. Judging by their expressions, not sure Rex and June can handle it either. They’re stretching smile muscles they haven’t used since their honeymoon.
“Yes, wisteria. You know, purple and toxic? Confusion, collapse, diarrhea? I need a lot. Actually, I just need a lot of wisteria pods. That’s where the poison concentrates. On second thought, I’d take castor beans. Or polonium. I need to kill someone. Hit man, right here, but I bet the hat and trenchcoat gave that away, ha ha. Ooh, maybe you have some really toxic pesticides back there? Yes, definitely here to kill someone and not a Fed. Not me. Anyway, toxic stuff? We cool?”
Belle is going to serve Willa for dinner, under a stainless steel dome, like Bette Davis did to Joan Crawford in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?”
Frazz – Elementary classes in the same school building as senior high? What is this – a one room schoolhouse? It certainly has the most irritating schoolmarms.
Crankshaft – “[A] meandering soliloquy of times gone by”… throw in cancer and comic books, and you have Tom Batiuk’s mission statement.
Pickles – Dogs are good! I love Roscoe’s expression.
Rex Morgan & Mary Worth – I can’t decide whose hairdo is worse – June or Belle. June’s looks like a greasy helmet with an Elvis spitcurl. Belle’s looks like she combed the front but took a weed whacker to the back. It’s a toss up, unless there are extra points for crazy eyes.
MW: It would be a classic Wilbur move if he doesn’t care that his daughter is terrified of Belle, but then kicks Belle out because she makes fun of him keeping fish food in his refrigerator.
MW2: Nonetheless I am worried by this fish-in-jep story.
Crankerbean: “You know, the Wisteria Ballroom! That’s where all of us old comics artists used to dance the night away. Let me introduce myself, I’m Tim Bitiuck. You can call me Avatar 3.”
GT: On a serious note, GoComics seems to have stopped updating Gil Thorp, although it still pops up in the Seattle Times site. The rumor is that they’ve had enough with Barajas and Merrill, and dropped it. Anybody know anything?
Pluggers No they don’t. Pluggers have always complained about customer service.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Luann: Finally, Phil in panel two asks what we’ve all been asking for years.
Between this and Phil immediately calling Bernice out for staying at the DeGroot as a perpetual “freeloader”, I’m starting to wonder if Phil’s characterisation is intended to be “spouts all the nitpicks about the comic the non-fans constantly bring up”.
Luann: Fully staffed? No problem. They can always fire someone to make room for the boss’s kid.
Also, fully staffed? They have three waiters, one chef and one bartender. Any of them call in sick (especially the latter two) and the service is disrupted to the point that they probably have to CLOSE FOR THE DAY.
And I notice they don’t have a dedicated janitor.
@The Rambling Otter:
Went to Home Depot years ago to buy a hammock for my dad. The clerk, obviously from a foreign country said “What is hammock??” I said it was for sleeping outside. He demanded “Why I would want to sleep outside??” I headed for Lowe’s.
FG:
“Who are you?”
“I was once the voice of Milford sports.”
RMMD-“You heteroes and your boring weddings. Our weddings are more exciting,” Rex says.
FC-“I had this wonderful dream where I was dead.”
Moy, if you’re trying to convince people that Wilbur isn’t a raging narcissist because he cares about his goldfish, that’s even more ridiculous than making Dawn vegan because of people being offended by how you portrayed vegetarians as whiny harpies. Nevertheless, I am instantly filled with concern for Willa since she’s the only Weston who has an IQ above a stick of butter.
RMMD: Before they leave for the wedding, June will have to tie Rex’ tie and comb his hair.
MW: “To a FISH? Jeez, you’re more screwed up than I am!”
GT: The seancers are stunned when the third letter turns out to be an S.
Phantom: There’ll be no hurly-burlyin’ around here if Mrs. Daft has anything to say about it, and she most certainly does!
Luann &c. “Sassy old lady” is also
a hoary sitcom tropemy dating pool, Josh.H&L should not be throwing around jokes which hang on the word “generic”.
MW: Kipper for breakfast would be the expected outcome except Wilbur is more protective of Willa than he is Dawn.
RMMD – June’s transformation into a butch lesbian is going well. I could do without the mounted-fish props, but I’m looking forward to seeing her hitting on the bridesmaids.
C’shaft; I’m going to be charitable and assume the florist’s “Wisterias?” isn’t ignorance but the standard customer service tactic of “confirming the information provided so you can handle the request effectively.” Though as others pointed out wisteria is kind of a dumb choice for a bouquet (among other things the flowers tend to hang down from the vine, rather than standing upright), so maybe she’s just repeating what Eugene said to avoid laughing in his face.
And speaking of Eugene….God, I hate this guy. I think I forget about it sometimes because he doesn’t show up in the strip as much as, say, Harry Dinkle, but even for a strip that runs so much on “self-indulgent nostalgia for things and experiences that haven’t existed for decades” he’s infuriating. It’s been seventy-five years minimum, dude! The Wisteria Ballroom is gone, kayaks and stand-up paddleboard rentals have replaced the canoes, and Lucy died of Alzheimer’s so long ago that those teenage girls who inexplicably hang around Lillian all the time probably don’t even know she had a twin! Either move on with what little remains of your life or die already, but quit forcing everyone else to play along while you pretend it’s still 1950!
RMMD: Well, of course Rex is interested in the cake. What do you think he’d go to a wedding for? Celebrating love? Supporting his friends? Get real.
CS: is this Wisteria Lodge from the Sherlock Holmes story?
Luann: Maybe Mrs. Horner assumes “WeenieWorld” is a cam site, and Luann has hit on the only part-time work that could possibly give her financial independence.
MW: By Friday, Bella’s demented jealousy will mean Wilbur will be bound and gagged to a chair, with
french frieschips stuffed into his nostrils, while Bella will slowly slurp Willa into digestive doom.Crankshaft – “Wisterias?” “Yes… as in the Sherlock Holmes story The Adventure of Wisteria Lodge, a tale of murder, voodoo, and a ruthless Central American dictator. But perhaps I should begin at the beginning. I am a bachelor, and being of a sociable turn, I cultivate a large number of friends. Among these are the family of a retired brewer called Melville…”
@Professor Well Actually: No, it’s an Archie Comics plot about Veronica Lodge’s long-lost identical twin sister, Wisteria. Hijinks ensue!
Rex Morgan, MD – In a strip notorious for intellectually disinterested characters who are routinely given gifts they never deserved, Marie Antoinette’s apocryphal line “Let them eat cake” is a philosophy for living, not an ironic sealing of one’s fate for a life of decadence.
Luann – Hot dog restaurants are the “also rans” for the fast food world, lagging far behind hamburger, pizza, taco, and sandwich shops. Its apropos for Luann, a strip that has run among much better strips without really standing out or making a cultural impact, to have its titular character settle on that for a survival job.
Crankshaft – Crankshaft wearing a fedora is more troubling than it ought to be. Either he is dressing up for date, or about to place those flowers on a grave, but in either case the living or the dead will suffer his tortured wordplay.
CS: Okay, what’s going on here? That’s got to be Ed or his identical twin, and I don’t think even Batty would want two of them around. So what’s Ed up to, and why the mysterious hat and overcoat? What incredibly stupid, mawkish story line are we in for?
H&L: Um, the whole point of buying generic brands is that they’re already cheaper, dipshit. I don’t think this moron is gonna graduate on time.
Don Abundio, translated:
“What’s wrong, Don Abundio?”
“Pierre! He’s running a diner in the kitchen again”
“I see, and you’re upset that he’s neglecting his regular duties?”
“Not at all”
“I’m upset that he’s only cutting me in for twenty percent!”
[Signs: EXECUTIVE LUNCH, DESSERTS]
DT: “This couldn’t possibly be a trap, of course.”
Dustin: “…From either of you.”
GT: I wonder if partially obscuring “Ouija” is enough to keep the Hasbro lawyers from coming down on them. Either way that wasn’t what the board said last week, so maybe they should focus on that unexplainable phenomenon rather than the planchette.
JP: I can’t believe you didn’t start packing until after the graduation ceremony.
MT: …And that was how Mark decided to become an exotic dancer.
MW: Belle realizes she’s been wasting all her time trying to kill Dawn, when her real rival for Wilbur’s attention and love was swimming right in plain sight the whole time.
Phantom: What about rumpus, hullabaloo, or katzenjammer? Are those okay?
“Wisterias?”
“Yes, I have fond memories of ‘Wisteria Lane’ from the show ‘Desperate Housewives'”
“What fond memories? That’s a recent show! The last episode was [checks] 13 YEARS AGO?! Oh no, I’m old!”
“It barely covers gas”
“Light a match or buy a stronger perfume”
Nurture is stronger than nature! Rex is thinking the same things as his sons, despite the fact that one is not his biological offspring. To be honest, I’m not sure even the other is his biological son, but, as we said, nurture stronger!
@I speak Jive: Frazz: Neighbourhood school model? A K-6 /7-12 split with short Grade 7 kids? Literally adjacent schools so they can see from the schoolyard what the high schoolers are up to?
Despite ending up in a district where my kids have separate schools for 1-2/ 3-5/ 6-8/ 9-12 the Frazz situation doesn’t seem too weird to me because I grew up in an area that had 3 public school types (English, Francophone, Immersion) and they concentrated the types together so there were two K-9 and one K-12 school in walking distance (although I was on one of the two K-9 tracks and had to take the bus to my 10-12 school)
MW: Deus ex Oceania
MW: if the purpose of this comic were good storytelling, W & B would be enjoying a tasty fish dinner when D comes home to discover an empty tank.
Instead, the point is to hook the readers, so D will enter just in time to save life of strips most popular character. (Pretty sure Sid has her under long term contract.)
This Crankshaft works better if it turns out the strip’s turning into a musical.
I’m looking for a…wisteria.
Wisteria?
Wisteria!
[music swells]
Just like they had in old
[falls off stage, dies]
“OK, how do we show that Rex Morgan (M.D.) is pulling down the big doctor dollars. I’ve got it! Rex is so rich, he can afford two Big Mouth Billy Basses and listens to Don’t Worry, Be Happy in harmony. No, wait, that song is kind of . . . ethnic for our readers. Let’s go with Take Me to the River, but the Al Green version, not the Talking Heads version. Rex isn’t some bohemian type.”
@Cleveland Mocks:
Mrs. Daft don’t allow no easy riders here
No, Mrs. Daft don’t allow no easy riders here
We don’t care what Mrs. Daft don’t allow
We gonna barrelhouse anyhow
Mrs. Daft don’t allow no easy riders here.
— W.C. Handy, “The Maitwaan Blues,” 1912
(Mr. Handy was subsequently detained and imprisoned by the Jungle Patrol on charges of promotin’ that low-down blues music and smokin’ them jazz cigarettes)
MW: Belle has been at Wilbur’s place for weeks, and *now* she notices the goldfish?!? Was she too intent on her comically inept attempts on Dawn’s life to notice this? It’s not like Wilbur would have stopped acknowledging the fish while Belle was there, uh, sexing him up in between murder plots.
Never mind, I fixed the blatant plot hole. I’ll just assume goldfish can take care of themselves while being neglected.
@Ettorre:
On a more serious note, would getting a second job you ALSO need to drive to actually help in the “affording gas for travel”? I feel it’d more likely result in Luann now having TWO jobs with a net revenue of zero due to spending all her wages affording to be able show up at work on time.
Rex Morgan: Rex only deigning to attend a friend’s wedding for the free food and describing it as a reward for sitting through the pain of socialization feels like a joke Josh would make about this comic as part of his whole “Rex Morgan is a misanthropic freak” running gag, but here it is, happening in canon. It would seem Rex Morgan as a comic is crossing into the Tyson Zone of being beyond parody, which is bad news for this blog.
Crankshaft: This florist can actually only say “wisterias?” akin to figures like Groot or Hodor. This exchange of money for goods is gonna take a while.
@TheDiva:
I’m wondering what’s replaced the courtship ritual of ballroom dancing followed by a canoe ride. I mean, getting pregnant on a stand up paddleboard seems quite a trick.
@taig: After Stellan went belly up, Willa became the favorite by default. Dawn is still at the bottom of the pecking order.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I think the question “we’ve” been asking all these years is “Luann is doing some “Freaky Friday” thing where the real her switched bodies with a five year-old right?” (It’s nice that the rest of the community is in on the joke and accommodate her simple-minded child-like silliness and ignorance.)
MW – Wilbur’s going to suggest a threesome, isn’t he?
@ValdVin: Sex in a tippy canoe in the middle of a lake sounds perilous, but remember 1940s Ohio heterosexual sex means the male grunts and thrusts in and out for 90 seconds with his pants around his ankles while the female bites her lower lip and tries not to move.
Luann: Luann is so eager to tell her parents that she’ll be doing part-time weeniejobs.
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – Someone should tell Rex that the food is better at a funeral. And you don’t need an invitation for it either.
@Ukulele Ike: He could get a hanging basket at a garden center. Add wisteria to the long list of things Batiuk doesn’t understand.
@Peanut Gallery: Omigod. Don’t tell me Veronica ruined her sister’s life.
@CanuckDownSouth: That makes sense. I didn’t stop to think that the elementary school could be adjacent to the high school, and the kids could see the seniors.
However, Caulfield and the other kids are still insufferable twits.
@taig: Maybe she just didn’t pay attention until now, when Wilbur expressed how much he loves Willa. That will be what sets her off. Imagine being jealous of a fish.
Speaking of plot holes, what about the defaced photo of Wilbur and Dawn?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I’ve heard that some people crash the luncheons after the funerals of people they don’t know.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: re MW: “You, me, and Willa in the shower! We’ll turn on the radio!”
@I speak Jive: Hey, I didn’t just crash the luncheon. That would be tacky. I crashed the whole darn funeral.
It was the last item on my Goals for Life list after having spent an entire Saturday at Old Country Buffet.
@TheDiva:
Yup. A complete tool, who wallows for decades in his self-inflicted misery. Everybody justly blames Lillian for hiding Eugene’s letter, but let’s not forget that the letter itself had one of those hoary old “if you don’t reply I’ll give up” tropes built in. Doesn’t even have the self-respect to be sad about it.
P.S. Mopey Pete, this is your future.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Thanks for the link. The article is good and certainly explains why the place figures so prominently in Eugene’s romantic memories. After all, nothing makes the heart sing like toxic industrial waste and overt racism.
I do have a question, though. Did Eugene always look so much like Crankshaft, or did Davis just repurpose old Ed art and say “good enough”?
@I speak Jive: Wilbur’s put Dawn on the “neglected class” so he’s not going to notice the picture unless it’s only of his favorite person: himself.
@Myrtle: God forbid that the radio breaks and Wilbur goes full murder-suicide mode which causes Belle to freak out and call the police…actually, this sounds like a best case scenario.
“Welcome to Sleepy Creek Retirement Residence, home of Sleepy the Snake, our mascot – you can see him on the sign out front! Ol’ Sleepy’s ’bout twelve feet long and takes care of the slower residents.”
Crankshaft:
— “I’m looking for some wisterias, like they used to have at the Wisteria Ballroom at Summit Beach Park!”
— “We don’t carry those.”
— “How about some roses, like the designs at the Rose Bowl Flea Market in Pasadena, where I used to shop for cheap used furniture in years gone by?”
— “We’re all out.”
— “Fine, then I’ll take some chrysanthemums — like the ones used to make poisoned chrysanthemum tea in the once popular but now seldom-performed musical Pacific Overtures.”
— “Nope, sorry.”
— “Darn it. Okay, just give me some daisies, like the slang word for a multi-person group sexual position, known as a ‘daisy chain.’ ”
— “Coming right up!”
@I speak Jive: @Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Then there’s the urban legend about the woman who really needed to pee, and claimed to know the deceased so the funeral parlor guys would let her into their ladies’ room. Even signed the guest book in gratitude. Two months later a letter and certified check arrives in her mailbox from a lawyer who explains the dead guy was a much-hated miser who left his entire fortune to anyone who attended his funeral.
@Ukulele Ike: A staple of early 20th century-set fiction is the canoe or rowboat ride where the young couple go out of sight. It was one of the few “she’s gonna get pregnant” signals that would slip past the Hays Code.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Forget the haters, June, I understand! A lot of newbies have been coming into this strip with really stupid hairdos and June wanted to show all those upstarts who the queen really is!
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): What Rex says doesn’t make any sense. In this strip the “boring parts” are the rewards. They’re the “prize” the strip is perpetually reaching for, while “potentially interesting development” is the obstacle they’re supposed to artfully dodge.
REX MORGAN M.D. (3): It’s even more repetitive then you think, Josh, since (as someone pointed out yesterday) this is extremely similar to what Rex said at Jordan and Michelle’s wedding as well (that one had a parking garage blow up in town, but that was one of the “boring parts”, so who cares, right?)
Hilariously, despite Rex bitching about it constantly we never got to see all this “delicious food” that was going to be the highlight of this event where Rex’s “friends” publicly expressing their love for each other. If that lack of edible entertainment is any indication, Rex shouldn’t get his hopes up about non-meatloaf food showing up at this event either. Sorry Rex, but I firmly suspect the cake is a lie.
@Ukulele Ike: That really happened to a friend of my cousin’s brother-in-law’s grandmother! Or was it my grandmother’s brother’s cousin-in-law? Well, anyway, it was someone I’ve never met who may not even exist, but IT HAPPENED.
@Uncle Lumpy: He did all that? I mean I hated him just because he was a middle-aged-to-elderly guy in the Funkyverse and old instincts kicked in.
Luann – I have long assumed this strip takes place in California. My 17-year-old nephew, who also takes place in California, likes to tell me how expensive gas is there. He has a job with a name almost as funny as Weenieworld.
He teaches surf lessons for a place called Tommy Tsunami.
It gets funnier. Apparently, in California parents hire experts to help their kids apply for college – my sister has engaged Party Pete – that’s how he’s known in the surf community, but he is also a college application counselor. I assume in his role as academic sherpa, he just goes by Pete.
@TheDiva: #64:
@Uncle Lumpy: #96:
I’ve always wondered why after he got out of the army Eugene couldn’t be parsed to look Lucy up, if anything to satisfy his curiosity. Centerville’s a small town, he wouldn’t have to look far. Unless he moved odds are he’d have several run ins with her while doing everyday things.
Why didn’t he go meet another girl and start a life with her instead of obsessing over a lost love for 75 years?
FC: A hungover Bil wakes up without his glasses and sees talking mice. “Did I pass out at Disneyland again?” He thinks in a panic.
@BigTed: I was hoping this would go the way of the Cheese Shop sketch.
@Ukulele Ike: #28
Ha!!!!!
DT: hmm, telling the cops clues unknown to the public in a murder and high profile theft case sure seems like the perp wants to be caught. Is this person going to wear a bullseye shirt to make easier for Dick to plug him?
MW: Is this another fake out? Surely, the creative team, won’t have Bats harm the goldfish? Or perhaps she’ll try and Wilbur stops her and that and not the danger to Dawnie is what ends their relationship.
GT: high school coach caught holding seance at the school – yup, this does top all of the other goings on. Meanwhile has Marty Moon with Clambake completed his apology tour?
RMMD: Clearly, this is not Rex Morgan, licensed doctor, but the boys dressed up in a RMMD suit.
S4th: Ted needs to be patient and hold twenty to thirty minutes of pressure on that small arteriole bleeder if he hopes to avoid a ER trip.
Blondie: “Code, please!” And with that, Dagwood’s Night Agent marathon crashes to a halt when he fails to complete Netflix’s two-factor authentication.
Luann: Only in “Luann” would working for your parents mean pissing off your parents. Millions of people probably work with their family members, but for Luann? Nah, that don’t make no sense. (I think her parents basically hate everything she does and says, anyway.)
@ValdVin: Canoewise, there’s also the big 1920s risqué vocal hit “Paddlin’ Madeline Home,” introduced by Cliff Edwards, aka (ahem) “Ukulele Ike.”
Skip to 1:40 to avoid the girl accordion solo and get to the good part, and be sure to pipe the pippin of a brunette standing behind Cliff’s left shoulder. Whatta tomato!
@Guillermo el chiclero: They could justifiably fire that fire bug TJ. The Fuze was named after his joy of exploding food trucks, after all. But they probably wouldn’t hire her out of spite.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Because in the Funkyverse you’re never allowed to get over your first romance, not even when she’s been dead for over twenty years and you’re well into your second marriage. The complete inability to cope with your loss in a healthy manner is how you know it’s real love!
@Uncle Lumpy: No, Mopey Pete actually pulled the trigger and made a proper (if long overdue) marriage proposal to Mindy. Which makes him ten times the man Eugene is.
The Eugene/Lucy/Lillian story has the same problem the Belle story in MW has: it requires the status quo to remain over an interminable period of time. Belle tried to whack Dawn twice in five days, and then just stopped? Have they been pretending they’re not hungry every night for a month now? There’s no way the murder attempts wouldn’t continue. And tensions would continue to rise. (And Dawn told Mary that Belle’s been living there “for weeks” now.)
Same with this dumb letter. Eugene or Lucy would have reached out at some point after WWII ended. Lillian might have re-thought her actions once they drove her sister into an sanitarium. Or they would have run into each other just from living in a small town, and having the same social circles. But needlessly suffering in silence is the Funkyverse’s greatest virtue, so here we are.
@Needless Exposition: #59
“an IQ above a stick of butter”
Or in Wilbur’s case, a jar of mayonnaise…
@treetown: Ettinger could be cribbing from a certain well-known Batm@n villain.
”Riddle me THIS, Detective Tracy! WHICH famous painting is rolled up and hidden in the wastebasket of the second floor ladies’ restroom at WHICH famous neo-Chicago museum?”
”Lizz, go to the second floor john at the Art Institute and pick up ‘American Gothic’ and give it back.”
”….God DAMN it.”
Still, this would improve upon Tracy’s current plan, which is to arrest everyone in the city and inner suburbs who’s missing a button.
@Old School Allie Cat: I’ve read there are now experts who help rich kids get into the right fraternities and sororities. Which makes me wonder what the point would even be.
MW: Belle is an absolute lunatic (and perhaps morphing into some sort of alien in today’s comic, idk), but even she draws the line at Wilbur’s fish antics. There’s a lesson there, Wilbur, not that you’ll ever learn it
Luann-“They’re fully staffed.” With only three employees covering all the shifts.
@Liam: Luann’s tiny brain can only register three people as a full house since she grew up with her parents and Bwad and then Borenice took over so that she wouldn’t start thinking that the house was empty.
@taig: Hilarious! I bet Crankshaft himself is a “Monty Python” fan, given that the show was first broadcast in the U.S. right around when he would have been a teenager.
@Guillermo el chiclero: LUANN: Fully staffed? No problem. They can always fire someone to make room for the boss’s kid.
You, like Luann, think “fully staffed” is the honest truth rather than the flimsy excuse Luann’s parents gave to avoid hiring her. The place has already been robbed once thanks to her; you think her parents want her anywhere near their livelihood after that? They know her well enough to keep her far away from the place. Better to be understaffed than allow that dimwit any more access.
9CL: Brooke is the ultimate example of the mediocre white man confident in his own superiority. The Thorax strips hammer it home more than anything else, with Brooke using his characters as a mouthpiece to lecture all of us on his superior wit and wisdom. What a pretentious asshat.
Does it bother anyone else June looks like Elvis in makeup? Because it bothers me.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: The bird’s name is Sonny. Is that accurate?
Today in Curtis, Lovebug or whatever his name is steals a boast from Mirko “Cro-Cop” Filipovic circa 20 years go or about that.
Phantom: Given how much of the Phantom legacy is based on deception, it’s hilarious how bad everyone is at it. Granted, in this case Kit doesn’t entirely accept the reason he can’t be Weezie’s brother if she’s meant to be Kadia’s sister, but still.
(Also, I’m reminded of a Victoria Wood routine about being invited to spend Christmas with a friend’s extended family, where the matriarch is very strict that unmarried couples do not share a room, but this doesn’t apply to Gavin and Wayne because she hasn’t worked that one out yet.)
RMMD: The mistake June is making here is the idea that Rex thinks of Truck and Wanda as his friends. He barely thinks of them as people he’s met!
Luann: She looks invested in this
@Bryan: re: Brooke McEldowney is a gas gas gas: This was an original and clever concept when Ambrose Bierce published his first “Devil’s Dictionary” column, in the San Francisco News Letter newspaper. In 1875.
But what does the fox say about wedding cake?