Trouble brewin’
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Mary Worth 5/26/25
OK, sorry, it’s very funny that Wilbur’s instinct upon stumbling onto this perfectly insane scene is to address not Belle, his girlfriend/sex partner/whatever who is capable of understanding and responding to normal human speech, but rather his fish, who is not. I guess he really does love that fish and/or is untethered from reality, ha ha! Speaking of which, check out those pinprick constricted pupils on Belle. Clearly she was neither kissing nor preparing to eat Willa, but was rather somehow getting high from interacting with the fish, using some advanced technique currently known only to Florida men and women.
Blondie, 5/26/25
Ha ha, it’s funny because the Bumsteads are in a financially desperate state, and Dagwood has turned to gambling in a last-ditch effort to pay the family bills!
165 replies to “Trouble brewin’”
MW – “No, Belle! No! Bad girl! Leave that fish alone and go play with your squeaky toy!” This discipline technique didn’t work on Dawn, either.
MW: Even Belle’s breasts inflated from the excitement.
Florida men and women are essentially stoned ALL THE TIME — it’s the only way to explain the behavior down there. All the weed and cocaine that washes up on the beaches gets into the ecosystem somehow, which leads to the shooting and gator wrasslin.’
Blondie – “On fire? Shouldn’t we go put him out?” “Meh. He usually remembers to stop, drop, and roll.”
Mary Worth: Belle believes Willa is actually a sarpa salpa, or “dream-fish,” which is said to induce a induce psychedelic effects similar to LSD or DMT when consumed. It isn’t toad-licking, but it’ll do in a pinch!
Blondie: The situation is much worse than Blondie thinks — Dagwood has been spending all afternoon watching “Hi and Lois” porn.
Don Abundio, translated:
“How discouraging! I’ve gained two pounds!”
“Isn’t that too little to worry about?”
“Yeah, except I’m right on the borderline”
“I’m trying to qualify for the middleweight boxing championship!”
Dustin: I wish this strip were actually funny.
Mary Worth: Wilbur immediately knows Belle’s lying: if Willa could “blow,” he wouldn’t need Belle.
Crankybean: Oh, good, Batton and Skip are back. This will be thrillizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
MW: OK, I had imagined a list of plausible excuses Belle might use to try to get out of this one — but where her mind goes, mine cannot follow. “Returning a fish’s kiss” just never occurred to me, I’m ashamed to say.
I was the only person working in a liquor store when the most tweaked-out meth-head in New England came in. As manic as he was, he still looked saner than that woman in Mary Worth!
MW: Yeesh, if Wilbur decides to take Belle’s excuse at face value, he’s still assuming that she has the mental capacity of a four-year-old. So choose your next step wisely Wilbur, we’re all watching…
Blondie I’m trying to imagine what being ‘on fire’ paying your bills might mean? Like, there isn’t much skill involved in it either than like, finding the number in bold and making a deposit? It reminds me of 90s film and TV depictions of ‘hacking’, which seemed to involved a lot of fast typing and drum and bass music, rather than just running script and getting a coffee.
RMMD: How adorable that Truck thinks his wedding to Wanda ‘Kiss My Grits’ DinerDrudge is going to attract a ‘couple hundred’ people. Lou’s going to be PISSED when he learns he gave up a prime Saturday night to these two bozos when the only people who show up are the Rex ‘Cake!’ Morgans, Buck and his Vaudeville Troupe, Jordan like the sneaker and his own personal drudge, Summer and Augie (plus Mr. Dying StalkerSlayer on parole for good behavior), the Hank “PLAY MUDDY BOOTS” Harwoods and Rene Belluso in a bad wig.
MW: You know what? I want to see this turn into a Tom & Jerry cartoon with Belle setting ever more elaborate traps to catch Willa. Maybe it can end with her blowing Charterstone up and we last see everyone sitting in hell (but how would they know the difference?! Heh-Heh!)
We all know that Dagwood has an addictive, self-destructive personality — the binge-eating, the napping, the obsession celebrating weird festivities and events — but until recently there was some gatekeeping to gambling. Not anymore, everything now is on an app! Progress!
Pickles: Yeah, I’d like to see what’s in her purse!
C’shaft: “Tell me, Batton, can I make this question establishing we’re talking about the comic that you were doing for the local paper any more awkward?”
DT: Again, if you think it’s even possible that’s the real American Gothic, maybe take a little more care than letting it rattle around in the backseat of your police car?
Dustin: Glass houses, Dustin, glass houses….
GT: Nice of those big “I just came from the eye doctor and my pupils are still dilated” shades to materialize on Coach Luke’s face in an attempt to make his exorcist line more badass. It didn’t work, but hey, points for effort.
JP: “Also I can’t wait to get away from this insane family.”
Luann: You’re telling me Bernice–stick-in-the-mud, oh-so-responsible Bernice–doesn’t have some kind of employment? I mean sure, she gets free room and board for doing the Fuze books, but surely she doesn’t want to live with Luann’s family forever?
MW: There is a better than even chance this excuse will work on Wilbur.
RMMD: I think you really overestimate how many people are interested in this wedding.
I just want to say that between yesterday’s Mary Worth and today’s, I am traumatized, emotionally scarred for life. Yet I will come back for more tomorrow. So I am, you know, just like anyone else who has interacted with Wilbur Weston.
Blondie: Online poker hasn’t been a thing since about 2005, when an act of Congress shut down access to money transfer services like NetTeller. Or so I heard.
CS: Tom Batiuk, you have got to be kidding me.
Luann: Luann possibly moving in with Phil and started life on her own was an interesting development. So let’s cut away from it as quickly as possible!
MW: So Wilbur’s not even going to do anything after he catches Belle eating his beloved pet alive?
Pluggers: Pluggers do have a few noble qualities.
JP: Hey, Soph! You know they sell stuff in Norway, right? If you forget your toothbrush, go to the damn drugstore.
Crankshaft: Not a bad idea to spike the contest. Consider when the UK wanted to name a new research sub – a popular vote named it Boaty McBoatface (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boaty_McBoatface)
DT: I guess DT must have a 30 x 20 size evidence bag handy, and not just those little ones used to collect cigarette butts. Sam and DT are clearly from the same police training program as the cop in RMMD. They immediately suspect the guy who called them!
GT: Gil is very disappointed in coach Martinez! But it isn’t over yet! Will see Gil’s head spin around 360?
MW: Wilbur showing more concern about the welfare of his goldfish than his daughter, Dawnie, is perfect. He’ll order Belle out of the condo, and only as the day turns into night start to wonder what ever happened to Dawnie.
RMMD: Wanda, most couples fight and divorce over money and how it is spent. This is just the beginning!
Slylock: Why would the cheater submit a copy of the quiz – and risk not having an exact match of the paper and often the quality of the copy is off enough to be easily seen by the naked eye, especially if Slylock is using an old Ditto machine. IF it were a multiple choice quiz, he could just as easily scramble the key. It is a written short answer quiz, he could change the questions – Slylock is just getting lazy!
Mary Worth: Rounding third, headed for home, then a big juicy “Florida people” crack shows up. The Comics Curmudgeon is where we all go to learn comic timing.
And credit to Belle for the distraction: work “blowing” and “I was going to kiss it” into the explanation and Wilbur will forget what he saw, maybe wake up downtown later wondering what he’s been doing the past few hours.
The best I can say is it’s a good day for boobs today. Oh, wait…I just remembered – it’s Mammarial Day….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Blondie: Online poker is still legal in a few states: Nevada (of course), NJ, Penn, WV, and Michigan so we’ve narrowed down where the Bumsteads live.
Luann: Oh, you were expecting the plot to continue? That was the whole arc!
MW: Belle unhinges her jaw and swallows both Willa and Wilbur. “Now I have you FOREVER, Wilbie! Heh heh!”
GT: Can someone introduce Coach Martinez to Ms Battsfrey? I think they’d make a cute couple.
RMMD: Well, Truck, get up off your wrinkled old root country ass and set up a fundraiser!
H&L: Thirsty reveals how often he’s been thrown out to live in the garage.
@Ukulele Ike: Yeah, but they don’t sell normal stuff! Probably the only kind of toothpaste you can get is lutefisk-flavored.
MW: I hope Wilbur’s gun has silver bullets because Belle ain’t human.
MW-Attempted murder of Dawn is one thing but don’t you dare try to kill Wilbur’s fish.
FC-Grandma is just remembering how she used to be against the War but now supports the War.
@Bill the Splut: I watch real-life Courtroom reality shows for entertainment. (What crimes they committed aside) some people are so flat out bonkers… one guy barking like a dog at the Judge, another guy just screaming “Leave!” over and over in the courtroom at no-one in particular, and one guy who was just completely obsessed with pushing a giant button at the podium he was standing at.
These people are NOTHING compared to Belle.
(Well, maybe the guy with the button was a bad example, because who can blame him?)
Phantom: Well, I certainly hope no thinks that’s ME in the role of Kit’s getaway Horse! Of course I was the Horse he rode in on, but I’m unavailable to continue the role right now. However, I can’t *believe* they got Polly Pony to fill in! She usually only appears with children so her short stature will be in proportion to her rider. But she’s a sweet little thing and I’m glad she’s getting work
I’m right now sailing to Italy along with Prince Val and Aleta! You probably won’t see me on panel during the voyage since I’m not a part of the cast at this time, but a production manager to do choreography for the Italian Horses. Oh don’t worry, they’re not keeping me down in steerage hahaha I get to sit on the deck when the cameras aren’t rolling . I’m delighted to see that I’m not the only full-figured gal on board! I hope we can chat in Italian so I can get some practice…
@The Rambling Otter: Although, its not uncommon for many criminals to fake insanity in court, because being sent to a mental hospital is preferable to prison.
MW: Damn, Belle’s really got boobs in her batsfrey. Bats in her boobsfrey. Bells in her…shoot, I’m as articulate as Willa over this strip.
Mary Worth – Sorry, we’re supposed to believe a lot of things about Wilbur, but the first panel just breaks my suspension of disbelief.
There is no way Wilbur owns that many books, let alone has read that many in his lifetime.
Blondie – Due to ongoing cuts at newspapers, and the “success” of merging Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft, King Features Syndicate is looking to merge their other strips into one continuity.
After Dagwood loses the family home and his impressively large stake in J. C. Dithers Construction Company to a mob-connected gambling outfit, the family and other characters are forced to move to Hootin’ Holler, where they have extended relatives.
Watch Blondie learn Loweezy’s recipe for Hootin’ Holler Hot Chicken – not “hot” as in spicy, but “hot” as in freshly stolen by Snuffy
@Philip: MW: Oh they’re books on the history of the Mayo Clinic. (He still hasn’t gotten around to reading them though)
Oh god, Belle is trying to distract Wilbur by flashing him her sex face.
MW: panel one offers a hint as to what Wilbur sees in Belle.
Wilbur’s bookshelf:
The Best of Ann Landers (cribs this for Ask Wendy)
The Best of Dear Abby (ditto)
Cooking With Mayo
More Cooking with Mayo
101 Best Mayo Recipes
The Mayonnaise Cookbook
Better Karaoke in Six Easy Lessons
The Kama Sutra
No Mas! – Avoiding Scams in Latin America
Faking Your Own Death: A Step-by-Step Guide
The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Unread. His ex-wife forgot to take these in the divorce.)
The Fish Fancy Reader
Complete set of 1978 World Book Encyclopedias (Also never read. Bought those for a few bucks at an estate sale thinking that having them on the shelf would make him look smart.)
MW:
Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!, leaned back in his tufted leather desk chair and took a sip from his coffee mug as he perused that day’s newspaper comic pages. This was the first chance he’d had to catch up on all the stories. He had missed the previous day’s episodes, having spent his Sunday on a day-long cruise with Dr. Jeff Cory on that ridiculously oversized yacht of his. Cory was a bore, but the beer was free and a few hours in the sun had rejuvenated Sid’s tan. Now, relaxing in his office, he absently scratched his chest hairs at the open collar of his white linen shirt and crossed his sandaled feet on the desk. He smiled in satisfaction as he reviewed the wide array of his agency’s talent, calculating commissions and royalties as he read one comic after another. Business was good, he smiled, mentally congratulating himself on all the great placements. There was a reason he was the agent of choice for the animal stars, and he knew it. Even the new talent he had picked up to replace the ones he’d lost in the latest ANIMAL HOSPITAL fiasco seemed to be working out. The new pets were going to bring it in, he was certain. He made a mental note to look into a different veterinary practice—that Ed Harding was losing his touch, and costing the agency more dough than he was worth. Sid picked up his smoldering cigar to take a puff, when suddenly he spied the unfolding piscine disaster in Mary Worth. Exclamation points of surprise appeared over his head, and the cigar stopped short of his lips, floating in mid-air.
“WHAT TH’?!!” Sid ejaculated, taking a favorite line from vintage Mark Trail. “Belle wasn’t supposed to so much as TOUCH Willa! It’s right there in the contract, in black and white! My god, she was going to EAT her! That wasn’t in the script! What the hell are those ladies up to?? And look at the boobs on that crazy woman!! They’re flagrantly THRUSTING! Way to take the attention off my client! I’ll SUE! Intern!! Get that lawyer—what’s his name, Goulde Fisch?—get him on the phone pronto! But first cut out this first panel from Mary Worth and enlarge it! No, don’t include the second panel, just the first one with those taut, thrusting breasts!”
It’s 2025 and Dagwood would be a Millennial. He could be watching videos, gaming, doomscrolling on a bigger screen because of his aging blank eye sockets, getting radic… Never mind. Your friend is right to be concerned, Blondie.
***
I’m starting to think Belle might be unhinged. I just wish Brigman could convey it more in her art. Less subtlety, please.
BG&SS: A dozen co-pilots have radioed Air Traffic Control about the signal fire for family endangered on a mountain.
TWO SOBERING MEMORIAL DAY STRIPS:
MF: The strip that must not be discussed
PLUGGERS: The guilt inducing strip
MW: Wilbur once again becomes a hero, at least to his fish. We still haven’t heard from Willa have we? I’m afraid this role may have been too much for her
@Peanut Gallery: A good point. I remember needing to buy dental floss in Lyon once, and it tasted like pork fat and Burgundy.
The artwork in that first MW panel is just perfect. The crowning touch is the photo of the island resort where Wilbur washed up after falling off that cruise ship. Even in his condo decor, he’s an utterly self-centered jackass.
JP – @Ukulele Ike: That was my thought, too. Norway has a high standard of living, so she will be able to find whatever she forgot. Maybe Sophie thinks that she’ll be too busy helping Norwegian poor people that she won’t have time to shop.
It makes perfect sense that Sophie waited until the last minute to pack up her dorm room but is packing for Norway weeks before she leaves. I wish that Marciuliano spent more time on consistency of character and less on attempts at madcap wit.
Crankshaft – If Batiuk’s goal is to make me add more of his characters to my most loathed characters list, it’s successful. Soon my list will consist of characters from Crankshaft, with Frazz and the Van Hoesens squeezed in.
Rex Morgan – Here we go. The next month will be spent talking about how much this hayseed wedding is going to cost. And who would have guessed that Truck would turn out to be a groomzilla?
MW: Is “never stick your dick in crazy” still valid advice if she is constantly asking, “is it in yet?”
Blondie: “Dagwood’s must be on fire! He’s paying the bills for every family on our block! He’s really in the zone right now!”
Only a few comics marked Memorial Day. These are the ones I saw:
Frazz – Caulfield technically mentioned Memorial Day, but only as the beginning of summer. Whatever he’s blathering about, he’s smug about it.
Pluggers – The most smug Memorial Day strip. Yeah, pluggers are the only ones who remember people who lost their lives in war.
Last Kiss – I thought this was a good one.
FC – This was a good one, too, and the first time I’ve ever empathized with holier than thou Grandma. She’s mourning but isn’t smug about it.
@treetown: Consider when the UK wanted to name a new research sub – a popular vote named it Boaty McBoatface (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boaty_McBoatface)
Not bad, but a little too on the nosey Mc’on the noseface.
@Peanut Gallery: Your version is cool. The original demands a response of “Cristo! Que ano!”
@Just John: Yes, I fucked up the last edit I threw in just before clicking Post, thank you for asking.
BLONDIE: Look, Blondie, we’re all adults here. You can just admit to your friend that Dagwood is looking at eroticized sandwich art on tube sites (“Wait till you see how they stick this footlong down their throats! Ooh baby!”)
@I speak Jive: What’s up with Gasoline Alley? Scancerelli usually takes ANY holiday as an excuse to hit the links early. “All of the Gasoline Alley family wishes you a very happy Saint Swithin’s Day!”
@TheDiva: Those glasses? Very important PPE for a job which, as far as I can tell from popular culture, involves getting pea soup spewed in your face by five year olds.
Blondie – Lady Luck has seen the striped horrors on Dagwood’s feet and decided that, yes, daddy does need a new pair of shoes.
MARY WORTH: Well after “being with” Wilbur, Belle is already used to putting small, slimy, wriggling things down her throat*, so….
*Probably with the exact same dialogue seen in Panel#2 and everything.
Let’s hope that doesn’t become habit-forming.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: See? If you were Cthulu, rather than merely playing him on TV, this sort of thing would be just another day in the life.
@2+2=7: Dag could get one of those things that switches your screen to a spreadsheet when someone starts to amble by.
I was reading The Signal and the Noise by Nate Silver. In about 2004 he had a high-tech job that bored him, so he developed the PECOTA baseball formula. He said it was great because it was on a multi-colored spreadsheet, which had the same look as whatever the spreadsheets his company used looked like, so if someone ambled by, they’d think he was working on a big project for a client.
Gotta love Nate Silver.
@I speak Jive:
On what the hell Caufield is talking about : he’s saying that it would be poetic if Memorial was the official start of summer, but also its abrupt, tragic end, like how an 18-year old was at the official start of adulthood, but met his tragic end being shot in the head storming the beaches of Normandy in ’45 or something.
Too far, but I swear that’s what Caufield is trying to say!@Peanut Gallery: Lutefisk with clarified butter. You have to go to Sweden for the lutefisk with cream sauce flavor!
@Ukulele Ike: But it’ll be a metric toothbrush and won’t work on American teeth. BTW: What’s so bad about dental floss that tastes like pork fat and burgundy, unless it was previously used by an obese alcoholic? Do they recycle floss in France?
9CL — And, instantly, Mary became everybody’s favorite character.
@Tabby Lavalamp: The only way this arc could be more subtle is if Brigman drew two small cuckoo birds flying around Belle’s head as she made circular motions with her finger near the temples.
@Philip: MW – So much concern for the bookshelf and what it says about Wilbur’s literacy, so little concern about Occam’s razor: That’s where Dawn stores the books she has to buy for her university classes, but has never cracked open! See? Simplest explanation is the best!
“How dare you try to French Willa, Bats! Only I get to do that!” – Wilbie Hon.
MW: “Oh Wilbur, it was blowing me kisses. I just wanted to kiss it.”–Belle attempts to disarm Wilbur by initiating their usual foreplay routine.
@richardf8: Thanks! They’ve done too many of these stereotyped “Lady Veronica is sad about her weight” strips, and this is the first one where I was actually able to think up a half-decent gag.
@2+2=7: Oooh, oooh! Then she could stick a Napoleon hat on her head and do the ‘blblblbl’ noise with her mouth! Then Screwy Squirrel pops out of the fish tank and bops her over the head with a mallet!
“What’s got Dagwood so focused on the computer?” “BALLS! He’s been looking at his porn sites all day!”
“What’s got Dagwood so focused on the computer?” “BALLS! He’s been looking at his porn sites all day!”
MW: This is pretty much confirmation that Wilbur has no idea how to talk to humans after his period of isolation. Rather than tell Belle to go find a hotel and lose his number, he scolds her like she’s a puppy that peed on the carpet. Then again, Belle might be insane but she has more braincells than Dawn and Wilbur combined so it’s not like he can gaslight her into submission the way he does to Dawn.
@The Quiet Man: Next up, Belle receives a package from ACME.
Sex Organ V.D. :”I’m just worried about the cost of all that CAKE we are gonna be feeding to the Organs!”
“What’s Dagwood so focused on the computer?” doesn’t read right and you can’t tell me it does. Well, you could but I won’t believe you.
@Peanut Gallery: Well, really, given the description of Lady Veronica’s type in American Cornball, the correct way to write this strip is for her to deck Abundio in the penultimate panel, and for him to walk off the final panel with a concertina shaped torso squeaking out musical notes. Hell, that would actually work great with the dialogue you wrote too!
Wilbur’s weird grin in panel 1 is unnerving.
@Dennis Jimenez: The best I can say is it’s a good day for boobs today. Oh, wait…I just remembered – it’s Mammarial Day….
Let us all show respect for our fallen glands.
MW: No, Belle, no! Not without tartar sauce!
Pluggers remember the fallen and the fact that they have five minutes to eat them.
REX MORGAN M.D.: “Wedding planning is so hard when you have to actually pay for things instead of sponging off your girl!”
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): “I’m just nervous about the expense. I don’t know why though because as people who are about to become economic, as well as romantic partners, we’ve obviously been sharing our plans for the wedding with each other and setting up a budget to support it, right?”
MW: Belle, what are you even doing? Wilbur left his wallet unguarded! Do you know how many napkin ring holders you could have purchased on Temu before maxing out his credit card? Seven. Seven napkin ring holders, Belle.
Blondie: I know how the Bumsteads got into such a financial predicament. Look at all that ivory furniture! I mean, who needs an all-ivory monitor stand?
@made of wince: Yeah, unfortunately Willa is the Estelle of Wilbur’s fish, the consolation prize since Willa is merely his “best friend.” Stellan, however, was his son that he treated even better than his actual child and even froze in the freezer with an elaborately decorated fish sized coffin.
@Needless Exposition:
Belle: “Which is totally a hypothetical, metaphorical turn of phrase and not something I’ve actually done, of course (looks away nervously….)”
@2+2=7: I’m instantly invested in Belle’s backstory and how she became so unhinged rather than watching Karen Moy writing herself into another corner.
@richardf8: Now I gotta go find my copy and look up the “Fat Ladies” entry.
@made of wince: Tartar sauce! Mayonnaise with a college education!
What A Frazzhole!: “Frazzhole, mind putting down your arms, you get disturbingly sweaty around us kids.”
LUANN: Very apropos that the strip considers actually going to classes and doing intensive paperwork for those classes as “doing nothing.” Luann does have a very busy schedule of hanging around senile old ladies all day (as one does when you’re a young lady in the prime of her life), so I guess I shouldn’t criticize.
MW: I think Wilbur needs to get Belle a bottle of Chianti and some lima beans.
@Ukulele Ike: I usually don’t look at Gasoline Alley – the artwork gives me the creeps, and I can’t stand the stupid characters. Looking at it today confirms that opinion.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Not a chance. Today was an outlier. Next time she shows up I’ll be hating on her.
@Anonymous: Thank you for that. It’s fitting for Memorial Day, and I stand corrected. I’m so conditioned to seeing Caulfield blathering about how superior he and Frazz are that I didn’t give the strip enough attention. I figured it was more of the same smug blather when it actually wasn’t.
MW: Belle pleads insanity by injection.
@Ukulele Ike: I hate pickles (hide the pickle, heh heh) but tartar sauce is okay.
@20 treetown: on Mary Worth: Uh, you overestimate Wilbur’s paternal instincts. He’ll wonder about Dawnie only when he runs out of mayo, even the backup vat. Calling out to Dawn for his password to mayo_world_totally_not_for_pervs dot com, he finally realizes he hasn’t seen that kid in ages. Then a shiny potato chip bag flutters outside the window, and she’s out of his mind again.
@2+2=7:
#86. LUANN: I too had to think awhile on this. Based on her ugly short, Luann might be at work at Weenie World — note new boss in background.
Indeed, Bern might be reading a textbook as/like a student should. More likely, it’s a bodice ripper loaned to her by Nancy.
@Baja Gaijin: Dawn is Wilbur’s organ bank so he’s not exactly going to keep her from being killed unless it’s in ways that damage those precious organs.
MW: This is no worse than the MW storyline with that schlubby woman and mr 50’s crewcut that needed their relationship to be blessed by their pets as if angels sent by god. Disney is less cloying than Moy.
@Charterstoned: Sid’s absence so far today suggests that he is taking action, much like Liam Neeson in “Taken,” and it won’t be pretty.
@23 treetown: According to the original author, the Bumsteads live in the outskirts of Joplin, Missouri. If this is true, Joplin’s doing a great job of hiding the fact. When I visited, I saw no reference to Blondie other than a tattoo shop containing the name.
MW: Watch out, Thel Keane. You’re being outjutted.
GT: Did Coach Luke import that sport ute directly from Japan? The steering wheel is right hand drive. It could also be one of the Australian Holden SUVs.
RMMD: A couple of hundred people? If you invited Mud/Fergus it will be more like feeding a thousand.
RMMD: A couple of hundred people? What did you do, invite every person who bought your last album?
@I speak Jive:
#88. CURTIS: Thanks to you both, Anonymous and Jive. But for your comments, I would have missed this wrenching reminder of who fights and who dies.
@54 2+2=7: EWWWW! There is no part of that comment that is not irredeemably disgusting.
@97 Guillermo el chiclero: on Gil Thorp: You’re wondering about the left-drive car. I’m wondering who put Gil’s head in a rack and stretched it like a Silly Putty egg.
LUANN: So Luann, over the phone, actively encourages her brother-in-law, or whatever the hell Jonah is to her, to dump his horrid six-year-old-who-usually-acts-like-she’s-three-years-old on Luann’s alleged best friend? The Evansii have weird ideas about college friendships, and this is one of the weirdest yet.
@2+2=7: Ewww ewww EWWWW. You have a very strange gift, be careful how you use it.
GA: Today’s strip takes up a subject that actually interests me. After years of following GA, it’s a very strange feeling.
@Baja Gaijin: The role of Gil Thorp will be played today by esteemed dead actor Fred Gwynne.
@Professor Well Actually: Those need to go to Mary. I’m sure she ran out of Ted, the Character quite some time ago, and she’ll need something to serve with Belle.
@Charterstoned: re MW: Now, now, CS! I’ll have you know that while I was enjoying a well-earned day of relaxation on Dr. Jeff’s yacht, my capable intern had the Willa situation completely under control!
You see, Willa had gone rogue for this gig, signing a secret deal with The Ladies to get a Death Scene that would surpass Stellan’s, and the actress playing Belle was drugging that poor naive Fish to make her think she was her BFF. All in cahoots with The Ladies to get a Fish-in-Peril plotline that would generate a megabuzz and culminate in the horror you *almost* saw yesterday!
But we’ve been monitoring all this very closely, and my Intern sprang into action yesterday, getting over to the set in time to activate deus ex Wilberus and save Willa from a gustatory fate! She’ll be OK – if Wilbur doesn’t drop her gettin’ her back into the tank. So it’s all over but the
thrustinglawsuit. Intern, see if Goulde Fisch has had his license re-instated after that “unpleasantness”….Crank: We’ve just had a week of glurgy Eugene nonsense, now we’re back to pseudo-autobiographical Batton nonsense? Is the plan to make us hate Ed less by reminding us of the alternatives? Are we going to follow this with a week of Harry Frickin’ Dinkle? Won’t work, Batty, I can hate all these people!
HtH: Clean-shaven Hägar is even more unsettling than that time Scooter from the Muppets broke his glasses and they gave the puppet tiny eyes.
MW: Yeah, you’ve got two choices now, Wilbur: you can accept the increasing evidence that you’re dating a homicidal maniac, or you can choose to believe that you’re dating someone so clueless, she doesn’t know fishy need water to live. Neither is great, although to be fair, they both work as explanations as to why she’s dating you.
@Astroboy: Hamm On Five, Hold the Mayo by Shirley Youcantbeserious.
hahaitsfunnybecause hahaitsfunnybecause hahaitsfunnybecause
Get a new line for chrissakes. So lame.
@Poteet: Chicken tractors? I didn’t even know that was a subject! I mean, sure, chicken motorcycles, chicken scooters, of course, but not chicken tractors…
CS: Not One-Armed Skip interviewing Batton Thomas! Bring back Eugene and his 80 year long pity party!
CS: Back in 1963 the CBS affiliate in Cleveland, Channel 8, held a contest to name their new late night horror movie host. The station had already settled on Ghoulardi but what they did was pick 5 entries that came closest and gave them a prize. We know where you got that one Tom. We old Cleveland hands have elephantine memories.
@Tabby Lavalamp: It’s 2025 and Dagwood would be a Millennial. He
__________________________
In the year 2025, if Dagwood is still alive, if his overly kicked hinder can survive….they might find…..
@Stacker:I like Saul and Eve and their amiable companionship centered on the goodness of dogs, and rather hope that their absence from the strip means that they are off somewhere living their best life without interference from dognappers or Mary.
This, however, will only reach a satisfying conclusion by finally just concluding.
@richardf8:
Ahhh, bit even moreso, sir! They came with the room! Neither Weston has journeyed with Don Quixote, suffered beside Candide, whatevered while chasing Moby Dick (like everyone else in Christendom, I too never read it)!
JP: As long as Sophie remembers ‘ei saa peittää’ she’ll do fine.
MW: If Willa were a kissing gourami instead of a goldfish, Belle’s insane excuse might be a little more believable…but just a little.
@haha: Your lack of self awareness would be funny, if it were possible for anything about your pathetic existence to be funny.
@A Grave Mind: Rest assured, even those of us outside of Christendom have never read it. I mean one tries because one understands one ought to, but like so many before me, I was stopped short by the epic catalogue of cetacean taxonomy.
MW: Henceforth, Wilbur will never sing “Lonely on a Saturday Night” by Hootie and the Blowfish without gagging.
@richardf8:
It’s a bit like Ulysses, no? Sure, any self-respecting litdork (perhaps an oxymoron) is supposed to read it, I refuse to believe anybody’s finished it. Looks cool on my shelf, though!
@A Grave Mind: @richardf8: Get a copy of the University of California Press edition, with the woodcut illustrations by Barry Moser. Moser’s art is so good you’ll keep turning pages just to get to the next one.
Also, the famous “Chowder chapter” has appeared in EVERY anthology of classic food writing ever published. “Clam or cod to-morrow for breakfast, men?”
@I speak Jive: #46
Agreed.
“Last kiss” was memorable. FC was sweet.
@Rube: Feel better? Didja get’em good?
@Ukulele Ike:
Touche. I WASN’T hungry for chowder. Now, I’m going to the store.
@Why bother: Once again, that self awareness thing.
@A Grave Mind: I began Ulysses. Introibi ad altare dei and all that. I finished it. Yes. Yes. Yes. I heard a rumor that somewhere in there a kidney was fried and eaten. But I never read the middle.
@Ukulele Ike: Moser’s art is so good you’ll keep turning pages just to get to the next one.
Gotcha. Look at the pictures, skip the text. Really the best way to deal with that period in Am. Lit.
Ahab and Pip: Those Are Pearls That Were His Eyes by Sharon Cameron is a well written critique on the relationship of Pip and Ahab. You can download it here for free if you have library access.
@richardf8:
Gotcha. Skipped 800 pages?
@A Grave Mind: Dubliners is all that is readable of Joyce. Everything else was him having a joke on the critics.
@richardf8: In the similar vein, it’s kind of funny, within Disney’s canon of their version of Hercules, they at one point covered the Prometheus lore.
Being Disney, one would think that they’d censor the whole “Bird comes and eats his liver every morning”
But nope, the writers went all out with it.
@richardf8:
With zero sarcasm, I love how this particularly drab day of comics has become a breakdown of Lit 404
I would also say A Portrait Of The Artist et cetera is at least readable
@The Rambling Otter: It’s Disney. So I’m sure that no blood was depicted. That was the red line, wasn’t it?
@I speak Jive: Red and Rover did one, and as usual, it was nice.
“Belle, his girlfriend/sex partner/whatever who is capable of understanding and responding to normal human speech”
Assumes facts not in evidence.
“check out those pinprick constricted pupils on Belle. Clearly she was neither kissing nor preparing to eat Willa, but was rather somehow getting high from interacting with the fish, using some advanced technique currently known only to Florida men and women.”
I know we live in a time where we routinely see the most bizarre headlines, but “Florida Woman, Scamming California Man, Eats Goldfish while High on Pilocarpine” would be a sure sign we are living in some simulation that just needs to be rebooted.
@richardf8: I dunno, I first read The Scarlet Letter at age 40 and really enjoyed it. But I did get odd looks from all the people who were forced to read it in high school. “DUDE! Dincha read that in HIGH SCHOOL?”
Similar deal with Billy Budd. My sister, not the best-read person in the world, told me they made her read it in college.
@richardf8: Yeah, pretty certain. Although the eagle at one point was casually arguing with Prometheus over what he should season the liver with, which while softening the tone a bit, still veers it into dark comedy.
Although midway through the episode, Hercules (being the protagonist of course) is the one that frees Prometheus, which is probably one of the rare instances where the Disney canon gets the myth right.
@richardf8: I enjoyed the kidney-frying part. Also the scene where Bloom whacks off on the beach.
And you must admit that “Blazes Boylan” is one of the greatest character names ever.
My goodness, the glass house the writer of Dustin lives in is sparkling delightfully in the morning sun! What a perfect day for them to indulge in projectile mineralogy!
@Hibbleton: As long as her artist remembers that as well…
I love how Wilbur addresses Belle like she’s a pet, like she’s Garfield and he’s Jon or something. I could see a strip where Garfield raids the fishbowl and when Jon catches him his excuse is “I just wanted to kiss it?”
@Morgan Wick: There was this whole theory in “The Room (2003)” that the character Denny was originally written to be a cat, or that he IS a cat and it’s metaphorical or something?
-Lisa and Johnny let Denny in and then leave him alone to go have sex because that’s normal with a cat. When he tries to butt in when they’re in bed together, they’re amused and unsurprised — cats crave attention, and they have a knack for trying to get it exactly when you’re trying to have a private moment.
-He stops by randomly uninvited for an extremely brief visit. Randomly shows up, then randomly leaves. Like a cat.
-He wants to kiss his friend’s “future wife”. It’s how a cat would express affection — it’s normal behavior.
-He likes to hang out in high places because he’s a cat.
-In one scene he enters the room, and for no reason sits on the floor, in a pool of sunlight streaming from a window. Just like a cat would.
-He doesn’t want to admit which specific drugs he’s using because he thinks he’s people, and he doesn’t want to admit to his human friends that he’s been high on catnip.
-Johnny insists on taking care of Denny, paying for his every whim. Cats can’t pay for themselves; someone has to do it.
Maybe it’s the same with Belle? She wants to kill Dawn because canonically she sees Dawn as a rival for Wilbur’s affections, a cat would just hiss or claw at her, but Belle if she’s able to have other means… also this explains why she’s so crazy, she’s a mindless animal in a human body.
I am a Floridian and can safely say Belle has engaged in our official state sport: doing lots of meth.
@Rube: Fair enough. I guess some have time to waste. I personally wouldn’t bother engaging with them. To each their own.
@A Grave Mind: I read Moby Dick in 1999 and managed to read the entire book. I took it at face value and didn’t attempt to look at symbolism or anything like that. Learned more about whales and whaling than I wanted to know. Shortly after I started reading it I broke my leg (not while reading it), so I didn’t have anything else to do besides go to work, go home, and read Moby Dick.
Never read any of the others.
@Ukulele Ike: I loved The Scarlet Letter. The first time I read it was when I was around fourteen, and it went over my head. I tried again when I was much older, and I I loved it. It was not on the school reading list when I was in high school.
@I speak Jive: What was work that you could do with a broken leg? Just curious.
I showed today’s Blondie to my Sister, in which she said ‘Who would ever say “he’s on fire” towards paying bills?’
Bats I T Bellefry had always had a plan. She wanted to be a professional translator, the greatest the world had ever seen. However, she had neither the innate talent nor the patience to learn more an basic American. But, one day, on holiday, she read The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy and discovered the Babelfish.
“Jeepers,” she said to herself, “somewhere in the world Babelfishes must exist. I must find one. The easiest way is to start sticking fishes in my ear and see what happens. Heh heh. Or maybe sticking them up my nose will do the job as well. Heh heh again.”
A vast shadow fell over her and she looked up to see a cross between a human and a walrus standing over her, quaffing a glass of mayo. “Wilbie hon,” she said, “you did mention you have a fish, didn’t you?”
@The Rambling Otter:
“He’s fired.”
@Ted Baxter: I worked in a government office, desk job. I was hoping that the doctor would tell me to stay home, but he said, “Sure, you can work.” It was in the summer, so my son drove me to work every day.
After dealing with Wilbie’s, ahem, shrimp, Belle needs a super long ebi fry.
@I speak Jive: I was assigned Ulysses in my first college semester, after we read the Iliad, the Odyssey, the Aeneid, The Divine Comedy, and Don Quixote. I have no idea why professors would assume a 17-year-old had the knowledge of Irish history, Christian history, Shakespeare, Dublin geography, adulterous fucking, or basically ANYTHING it would take to make head or tail of it. I stopped reading after the kidney-frying and fudged writing the paper, probably got a shit grade on it, don’t remember.
Finally read it through during the 100th anniversary year. I admit my brain STILL went blank through several chapters.
@I speak Jive: Oh, you should really check out the “Killer B’s.” Bartleby the Scrivener, Benito Cerino, and Billy Budd.
Especially Benito, the only novella I ever finished where I went immediately back to the beginning and read it all over again. (Trust me, it is necessary. Amazing book.)
@Ukulele Ike: I’ve never been anywhere near a copy of Ulysses, let alone attempted to read it. I don’t plan on trying any time in the future.
@Ukulele Ike: Thanks for the recommendations. I did not know about Benito Cerino, so I just looked it up – it sounds like it’s an engrossing story.
@I speak Jive: It’ll snap yer stix
Maybe we’re looking at Wilbur all wrong. Maybe the reason he connects so powerfully with fish and doesn’t seem to understand even the basics of interacting with other humans is that he’s a Deep One. He kind of has that Innsmouth look, doesn’t he?
@157 Craig!: Does the “deep” in “Deep One” mean “the idiocy runs deep?” Or ” the oblivious self-centeredness runs deep?”
MW: Belle has big tits.
This Blondie is really a bleak look into the lives of the average newspaper comic reader. Why would you interact with a computer for more than a few minutes? Must be to pay bills.
@Everybody Posts, Nobody Reads: BIG tits.
Did anyone notice that Belle has some bigguns?
@Ukulele Ike: Yeah, the Scarlet Letter was fun. Did a nice little Freudian analysis of that one that got me an A.
@Peanut Gallery: no more “mehs” please
@I speak Jive: I saw two other strips that mentioned Memorial Day.
Hi & Lois: A cookout scene. Lois: “Happy Memorial Day!” Irma: “The start of summer.” Hi: “And the beginning of barbecue season …” Thirsty: “I’ve been cooking out here all winter.”
Mallard Fillmore: Mallard standing in a cemetery with an American flag nearby. Caption: “For those who gave everything to secure our freedom, our gratitude and memory will never die. In Memoriam — 2025.”