The emperor does have clothes, but they are stinky
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Luann, 7/5/25
Many dads enjoy drinking coffee out of mugs that declare them to be the “World’s Best Dad” or “#1 Dad” or the like, generally purchased for them by their children. Not Frank Degroot, though. The mug he’s holding as he hands out extremely noncommittal advice merely acknowledges the bare fact that he is in fact a father. How does he rank compared to others in similar roles? Well, that’s not for him or his mug to say.
Dick Tracy, 7/5/25
I guess I never really explained the plot of this current Dick Tracy art theft storyline in any detail, huh? Well, it’s wrapping up now, and it turns out the solution to the mystery was “time travel, somehow”. I don’t really feel like getting further into it but I do want to suggest that you use phrase “Hypocrite! Without this ‘time portal’ you’re nothing!” in your everyday life, because it’s pretty great.
Pluggers, 7/5/25
You’re a plugger if you determine wash day by sense of smell … which you can do very easily, because your sense of smell is very keen, because you’re a dog! You’re a damn dog! Nobody wants to say it out loud, but I’m brave enough to tell the truth about what we’re all looking at! That’s a dog smelling that shirt!
89 replies to “The emperor does have clothes, but they are stinky”
Pluggers: Yes, he’s a dog and thank god he’s not holding a pair of pants. You know what’d he’d be sniffing.
Luann: Compared to dads like Ed and Wilbur, Frank vaguely listening to his daughter is miles ahead of the competition. He’s not being contemptuous of her existence or preparing to sacrifice her to get laid so…yeah, good on you, Frank.
MW: Dr. Jeff looks like he would rather have dental surgery without anesthesia than spend another second on this date.
MW: The artist and writer are not on the same page today. Jeff’s look of utter disdain should be saved for post-coital conversation.
MW:
In today’s second panel, Jeff appears to be suffering from what is known in medical parlance as “dyschezia.”
PLUGGERS: Considering the olfactory proclivities of dogs, a shirt doesn’t even make the “Ick” list.
MW: The redecorating of the Bum Boat could have been a good plotline. The indecision, the duplicitous decorator, Mary saving it all in the end. My genius is wasted.
RMMD:
“Sing along with me, Wanda, to the tune of the song introduced in the 1956 film ‘The Man Who Knew Too Much’:
“When I was just a little churl
I asked my mama, ‘What will I be?
Will I be ‘Daddy’? Will I be hitched?’
Here’s what she said to me:
” ‘Que sera, sera
Whatever you’ll be, you’ll be
A smoocher’s got hours to flee
Que sera, sera.’ “
Pluggers: Dog-Man dilemma: “Do I wear it or roll on it?”
DT: An alarm beeps on Tracy’s watch: the “cartoonish trenchcoat-clad flasher from the 1970s” sensor has found a hit.
Plugger: You’re a plugger if you’ve actually been in a comfortable office-based job for the last 30 years, but you still cling onto vestiges of a now-almost-mythical blue collar existence by wearing lumberjack shirts and writing folksy newspaper comic strips about how bad you smell.
Crankshaft : Amelia and Bedelia, of course, subscribed to Lillian’s Youtube account using burner accounts.
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Dick Tracy : it involves identical ancestors/descendants, I think? I *still* have no idea who stole what and when, and the latter is ESPECIALLY convoluted due to a time machine being involved!
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Luann : I’m an idiot, I forgot that Luann’s past experience as an assistant to the assistant assistant daycare worker doesn’t count as experience as a camp counselor (and neither would that time she thought a drama class at the Fuze to like, three kids), if she doesn’t have camp counseling training already she’s not actually qualified for the job, and probably wouldn’t be selected if she applied.
**************
Pluggers : don’t realise they’ve gone nose blind.
MW: why does Mary have a death grip on her glass of wine? Is Mary a secret alcoholic?
MW: run Jeff, run!
MW: Looks like it’s time to play the next round of “What’s Wrong with This Picture?” Okay, I’ll bite:
1) Mary is holding a purple microphone, not a glass.
2) Jeff seems to have removed his white tee shirt after ordering his surf and turf.
3) The NEW DECOR at the Bum Boat does not look good. Those three pieces of shell are no improvement over the life saver things that were there before. The decor in the Bum Boat has always been hideous and will likely remain so.
4) Mary’s neck is absolutely smooth. There is No. Fucking. Way.
5) Avery Batsfry is eating at the next table with someone other than his sister, Belle. HOLY CRAP, THAT MEANS BELLE IS ON THE LOOSE AGAIN…!!
6) Jeff is delusional, thinking if he does an impression of The Flamingos, he’ll induce Mary finally to say “yes” when he proposes.
MW: The decor is early Kristy Kean.
DT: swapping places makes some sense but where does stealing the paintings fit in? Well DT is happy now. Gets to wave his model 1911 around and with luck plug some perp. Be careful DT a stray bullet hits portal and goes back to the past and changes history!
JP: And here is where the two pilot lines meet and the CIA covert mission. Is blown up when two American girls recognize the asset and sits down and creates a scene and the contact disappears.
RMMD: so in about two weeks we’ll get the results at this pace.
DT:
“This rebus on my watch in today’s second panel offers a description of the perspective depicted in the third panel: ‘Man! A wrecked angle‘ !”
Pluggers – Yeah, the smell’s faded. Time to put it on and go roll in a deer carcass again.
FC: Bil left Jeffy alone in the yard with a sizzling hot grill? Father of the year, he isn’t.
Jeff will say anything if it means that Mary will remove the shackles keeping him from escaping the restaurant and getting on the first plane to Thailand.
JP: Sophie’s stops mid-sentence as she turns and sees the cat staring angrily at her through the glass doorway -to be continued…
Luann: I like that dark shadow that passes behind Luann in the second panel, as if it were Satan himself that was trying to convince her to go to camp. Normally the Prince of Darkness would probably be trying to push a young woman to stay close to her boyfriend in the hopes of tempting her into extramarital sex, but he’s already seen what a weenie she is, and probably figures that there’s a better chance of convincing her to murder out in the woods.
DT: Does Tracy’s watch give him any additional details on those silhouettes, or does he assume that one is armed with a gun and the other with an Ikea cabinet flatpack.
Pluggers: I feel like this is more of a college student thing. To me, a Plugger is someone who puts a clean shirt into the washer to make a full load because ‘I do laundry and Wednesdays and what am I supposed to do, wait another day? If I move laundry to Thursdays then I can’t watch Blue Bloods and the whole system falls apart!”
@Needless Exposition: He’s still basing his ultimate decision on his personal economic benefit, so I’m not giving him that much credit. Indeed, his next question will probably be whether WeenieWorld will miss a carload of kitchen supplies to help prop up his own (surely failing) business.
MW: “Yes, look at that new starfish poster too. Is that Monet? This w
DT – I need someone to explain to me how his watch shows him the heat signatures(?) of the people in the next room. Do you have to download a thermal imaging app? Is there hardware you have to pre-install in whatever room you plan on busting into later? It all seems a little tech-dependent to me. And don’t even get me started on time portals.
@Little Blue Bicycle: MW: “Yes, look at that new starfish poster too. Is that Monet? This wine is great too!”
“That’s the candle holder Mary.”
@The Quiet Man:
In before the habitual reminder of Frank’s “I’m not wasting a single penny on my kids’ post-secondary education” attitude. (IMHO, I think that the threat of cutting off her tuition money could have been used to get Luann to shape up, whereas this forcing her to only take the free classes at the local community college has made complacent, since she can just attend whatever class without having to worry about her major (she doesn’t have one! She just takes random classes!) or grades).
As for the Fuze/Kafé Kablooie situation, how involved is Frank in it again? Is he the owner and/or the manager, or did he delegate all those tasks to someone else (Mr Gray, Nancy, Bernice (apparently))? Like, I’m under the impression that Frank still works his old 9 to 5 office job, and has only a vague understanding of whether or not the restaurant makes him money (and that’s as far as his knowledge of what the business at the Fuze is like goes).
DT: “Let Eta get her own damn back-up; I’m busy!”
Gasoline Alley: Has anyone heard of an Independence Day parade with prize money? And does Slim do his own repairs or is that money already tabbed for a mechanic?
Beetle Bailey: Don’t worry, Sarge. Beetle will order a year’s worth of cliff-rescue rope. From Shein.
Blondie: “I’m watching a Japanese detective story about the molecular structure of seaweed.”
“You don’t mean-”
“Yes, it’s a film nori.”
H&L: :Ouch!”? That cupcake’s gonna leave a welt. I thought Lois’ baking skills were more FC/Blondie than Bringing Up Father/Flo Capp.
RMMD Say what you may about these two, but at least this looks like two humans showing some affection. Mary Meddler and Jeff could take lessons.
Luann: Quitting a permanent job to make the same money in a temporary, much more inconvenient job isn’t a “pro,” you dumbasses. Especially when you don’t have any of the skills it requires.
Pluggers: Look how rumpled the shirt he’s wearing is. I bet it smells far worse than the one’s he evaluating for future wear.
RMMD: I just want to say that the first AI suggestion in Bing for “Rex Morgan comics” is “Can I cancel the Rex Morgan MD comic strip?” If this is clickbait, it’s good clickbait.
CS: No, I’m sure she won’t.
9CL: “Encore” is definitely not the word that comes to mind and finishing this week’s arc. I must be too low brow to understand the genius behind this.
DT – “Two inside, one armed, one appears to have swallowed a landscape painting.”
Pluggers – You’re a pinball wizard if you play by sense of smell.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Want a lift, Veronica?”
“Thanks, but your car is very small, Abundio”
“Do you think I’ll fit?”
“Sure!”
“But the shmoo will have to sit on your lap!”
@Anonymous: the Evansii appear to have no idea how small businesses work. Frank spends no time at The Fuze. Luann only goes there as a customer and Nancy works there to bring extra money into the household.
Luann: A normal dad speaking to a normal daughter might say; “Are you sure this is about the job and not a desire to go to summer camp yourself?” Or “Are you serious about Phil or is this a way to get away from him?”
Instead we get; “Stay? go? Who knows? But, one thing I do know is hotdogs cost money.”
Dick Tracy: “Well, dammit, I’m going to show you that I can make something of myself, even without my time portal! All I’ll need is this gun, a high-rise railing, and a police officer who’s not dumb enough to let the eternal mystery of time travel slip through his fingers and fall over said railing. Uh-oh, what’s that sound?”
MW: Jeff is nothing more than the Queen’s Physician and Commander of the Royal Navy, called upon at will and is as kind and deferential as Francis Bacon.
RMMD: I’m pretty sure the only thing he’ll be calling you is “More flapjacks!” and “You got any Heinz, or just this off-brand ketchup?”
JP: “Thanks for the wingman help, Soph. You sure there isn’t a busboy or janitor or something around you could fix me up with?”
Mary Worth Mashups: Which missing final panel should have been included in today’s strip?
@Activist: This isn’t the place to do it but I have plenty to say about this. None of it nice.
Luann-Isn’t Camp Skye that summer camp with the notoriously high murder rate committed by former camp counselors who went deranged?
MW-“Oh look they got a boar’s head.” “That’s just Wilbur.”
@25 ValdVin: on Hi and Lois: Yeah, I wondered about that “cupcake.” Lois really shouldn’t actually serve Late Thread Cuisine recipes to her family.
I had written this whole thing about how “Al Batt of Hartland, Minnesota” was obviously a Plugger’s Plugger and then it turns out he’s a professional writer and humorist? Mistaking the appearance of the thing for the thing, AGAIN!
@Hibbleton: Dad must not like hot dogs that much, if he hasn’t already inquired about Luann’s employee discount. She’s been working there for a good month.
Pluggers-“Oh no. I can’t wash this yet. It still has her scent on it.”
9CL: Which one farted?
MW: Yes, this is certainly a fresh and original take for seafood restaurant decor. (When I get around to opening “Ukulele Ike’s Boiled Sea Urchin & Fish n’ Chips Bistro” I’m going to go with dramatic Victorian canvases of Sirens, Undines, and Lorelei dragging sailors to their watery doom.)
Serious question. When one orders “Surf and Turf” (usually filet of beef tenderloin and a lobster tail, although there are variants) do you call for a red or white wine? Or call for a jug of each and alternate swallows?
@Banana Jr. 6000: Hot dog restaurants have always mystified me. There is nothing easier to cook than a hot dog, and why would anyone pay a restaurant premium to have a professional cook do it and place it in a roll for you? You can make a case for a serious grillman preparing a better HAMBURGER than you could do at home….but not a freakin’ hot dog.
Luann’s toothless maw makes me feel like I’m watching a Sesame Street sketch with Luann demonstrating what “Hating” and “Loving” are to the kiddies, in a condescending manner that would make Elmo go “What the Hell?!”
@Ukulele Ike: Where I live, there is a hotdog stand outside of (I think Best Buy?) 8 dollars for one hot dog.
Even if it’s huge, it still doesn’t justify the price.
@Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women: Well, I mean, of course the time machine is going to be destroyed, unless they have a elaborate Professor Layton-eqsue explanation that debunks the entire scenario.
Luann: I’m sure that you can just get a leave of absence from Weenieworld, Luann. It makes as much sense as anything else job-related in this strip.
DT: I used that line when I was paying for groceries, and I just got a blank stare.
Pluggers: “Smells like advancing decay, so I should go good to go.”
MW: Mary’s left hand is definitely holding a gun pointed at Jeff’s crotch.
FC: That’s a Dolly line. Stay in your own stupid lane, Jeffy!
Dustin: I can’t say I’m surprised Ed Kudlick doesn’t believe in zen.
Luann: Frank has seen the results of his parenting. He’s not sure if nature or nurture is to blame, but he’s hedging his bets.
Pluggers are offensive in many ways, but especially olfactorily.
CS: “But I’m sure there’ll be more. Like your sister. Oh, no. She died sad and lonely, thanks to you.”
9CL: I’m hoping “encore” is French for “they died.”
@Baja Gaijin: Nicely done with Mary’s look in option 1.
FC-Don’t do it, Bil. Don’t try to beat Jeffy with that baseball bat. You’ll drop the steaks.
@The Rambling Otter: There are “fancy” urban hotdog joints that do elaborate and expensive preparations. We’ve got Crif Dogs in the East Village, which has an erotic branding…the logo was a 40s-style showgirl embracing a giant wiener. The neighbors eventually made them take it down.
The “Chihuahua” was pretty good; I was surprised.
Zits: Many have commented before on Jeremy’s cereal bowl having the Charlie Brown jagged stripe. Today it’s on the lamp. Does anyone know if Scott/Borgman do this as a homage (pronounced homage) to Chas. Schulz?
C’shaft: By the end of the day, the video has 10,000 views. 9,990 of them are from Lilian herself, two are from the twins, another two are from people who mistook Lilian for Margaret Atwood, five were accidental clicks made while looking for the block option, and one is Curt Cameron trying to explain to his bosses why doing an unpaid voiceover for central Ohio’s second-pushiest author was more important that his assignment covering how Medicaid cuts will affect the local community.
Dustin: “You tried to tell me that meditation increases self-awareness, but every time I tried it I kept thinking that I put too much of the domestic and mental labor burden on you, I scarf donuts and fast food to fill an emotional void, and my contempt for my son is a way of compensating for my own mediocrity. So clearly the whole idea is stupid.”
GT: I wouldn’t think a cover of “I Can’t Help Falling in Love” with inexplicably gender-reversed lyrics would be big on a high school prom set list.
MT: Golf courses are one of the huge banes of environmental advocates–disruption of natural habitats, high water usage, pesticide and fertilizer pollution–yet this is the first Mark has heard of one being opened in his community? I think he studied journalism at the same school that gave Ed Kudlick a law degree.
@43 Ukulele Ike: When eating Surf and Turf with Mary Worth, iced tea tumblers of Everclear is recommended. Notice the plural of “tumbler.”
@44 Ukulele Ike: I’m with you. Hot dogs can’t really be improved upon by skillful chefs as other foods can. There’s only so much you can do to an emulsion of pig ear flaps, snouts, and tails in a piece of specialized bread.
@46 The Rambling Otter: I know that’s Canadian dollars but damn! You could get a Grandpa Burger for that.
@52 taig: Thanks! I just turned Mary’s smile upside down. It goes well with Jeff’s expression.
@54 Ukulele Ike: I’ve heard of “gilding the lily.” This ain’t that. It’s more like, “hiding the disgusting tube of slaughterhouse floor sweepings under a bunch of tasty toppings.” A vegetarian hot dog with hummus, pickles, and pepperoncini sounds about as appealing as deviled lettuce. What a waste of hummus, pickles, and pepperoncini.
@56 TheDiva: on Dustin: It’s about time for Dustin’s Snarky Grandad to return to verbally bitch-slap Ed around.
Pluggers: “This should be good for one more day because it’s MY shirt! My shirt, dammit! Here, smell this — it’s not your shirt, it’s MY shirt! I might even have to pee on it a little to may my point more emphatically.”
Luann: From the purple coloring and zany “DAD” lettering on that mug, I’m guessing it’s from the early 1980s. Could it have been passed down to him from his own father? In that case, I’d say it’s highly sentimental — I’m getting a little misty here myself. (On the other hand, it’s probably got some lead in the coloring, so drinking from it isn’t really the best idea.)
Dick Tracy: Geez, if today’s smart watches had the same cool features as the two-way wrist radios developed by the Chicago police department in the 1940s, Apple would make a billion dollars! (Oh, they made $391 billion last year? Never mind.)
@Baja Gaijin:
I’m not sure the strip even remembers that DustinGrandpa lives with them, much less that he’s LIVING IN DUSTIN’S ROOM.
@61 Anonymous: Wait, what? I knew Marvin’s grandparents moved into his home. I didn’t know DustGrandpa moved in. The fact he’s rarely seen shows he has a far more active social life than his son and his pathetic family.
DT: Um, how is Icarus Lovejoy the Elder a hypocrite? Was there a strip where he expressed his disapproval of people who rely on time portals to achieve anything? Was it the same strip that explained why the painting is a time portal, how Lovejoy Sr discovered it, and how it actually works on any real level, because I know I missed that one somehow?
Peanuts: Wait, does Snoopy mean a “dogfight” as in “a fight he has with another dog” or as in “a fight he has with the Red Baron, in his trusty Sopwith Camel?”
…Wait, was that the secret joke behind the WWI Flying Ace strips the whole time?
SH: If I’d been asked if I’d considered taking my further education somewhere I’d find exotic, I’m not sure my immediate reaction would have been “Do they even have a Scottish Studies programme?” This is because I wanted to study physics. You’d think that with all the merpeople introduced in this strip since Remora, Holbrook would have stopped making “being a merperson” their primary personality trait!
Marmaduke-Who is Marmaduke going to drag down into that hole while they desperately claw at the ground? You are.
@Ukulele Ike: I am not a huge surf and turf guy, but if I were to have it, I think an ice cold martini, maybe a Gibson, would be the appropriate accompaniment.
@Baja Gaijin: “slaughterhouse floor sweepings”, or as the Arrogant Worms’ song would put it “the particle board of meat” (may or may not contaiinnn: chicken and/or pork and/or meat!)
I do understand restaurants with custom sausage / brat on artisanal buns, but the idea of upscaling the standard hotdog beyond the street stand level is weird to me
@Horace Broon: re: DT:
Jules Verne: “Nice! How does it work?”
H.G. Wells: “Oh, I just made it up.”
Jules Verne: YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE THINGS UP
@CanuckDownSouth: The “fancy” places do either make their own frankfurters or source them from a reputable sausage-maker. I doubt any of them are re-purposing Oscar Meyers they bought at the Dollar Store.
@Ukulele Ike: Although given the business acumen shown by all the Fuze stuff in Luann, I wouldn’t be surprised in Weenie World is doing exactly that (dollar store buns, too!)
Luann-Damnit, Luann, stop playing it safe and apply for the summer camp job. You apply for the job and they may or may not hire you.
LUANN – I remember back during Obama’s second term we introduced the idea that Luann was a brilliant thespian and had a great career ahead of her in teaching acting to children.
And then a waif appeared and Luann tried to turn the waif into a thespian, but it didn’t take and the waif disappeared and we were free of this “Luann has hidden talents related to show business” crap. (She a GENIUS at stage design!!!)
Let’s go back to where everyone just accepts that she’s a simpleton and will be wiping tables at Weenie World for the rest of her life?
Luann: why wouldn’t entrepreneurial Frank stop by The Fuze for his morning coffee on his way to the office? This is as bad as calling Wilbur Weston an advice columnist.
@Liam: Good reason to go
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: No way is that happening!
Weenie World will fire Luann within the next two weeks, as her table-wiping is not up to par.
Luann: could it be that the Evansii have entirely forgotten that the DeGroots own The Fuze? In the real world Frank would be obsessed with the business and Luann would have to put in her sweat equity.
Pluggers: This is literally where “old man smell” comes from.
9CL: Who farted?
@ValdVin: #25
Re “Blondie”: That was great!!
Someone with a working time portal would indeed be something. They could go back and stop history’s greatest monsters or become the next Biff Tannen. They could go to the future and brink back miraculous medicines or spoilers for all the movies. They could have it all until they reach that one fixed, unchangeable moment in time where they die to the inevitable rain of bullets from Dick Tracy.
DT: Baja and our other meme artists have to save that last panel.
It could be used in so many ways.
MW: re: surf&turf. I bow to the expertise of my sommelier William Joel: “A bottle of red. A bottle of white”.
Forget “hot dog restaurants”. It’s hot dog carts in the park or nothing. Love that used weenie water smell.
Oh. Forgot a couple of positive things to mention.
Friday’s A&J: Arlo remembers his textile worker father joining co-workers on beach vacations. And then the jobs went away.
(Funny. Those textile companies were based in the Carolinas and A&J are still vacillating on joining their kids “at the shore”).
A terrific “Wallace the Brave” arc has ended. Check it out.
@Professor Well Actually:
I don’t think the Evansii have forgotten that the DeGroots own Kafé Kablooie, what with them specifically being labelled as the owners on the official cast pages, and said cast pages having been recently updated to include Phil.
It’s more likely just that they have never thought through the effects that “Luann’s parents own a restaurant” would have on the comic.
Break of Day: If you think about it, there’s a joke here about men’s underwear.
@UncleJeff: re:DT: Tracy takes a well-deserved break to attend a concert of the latest avant-garde pieces at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. Who says he’s not a man of culture?
Luann: The real driving question is: Does Greg feel like drawing campgrounds and new characters for the next six weeks? Weenie World is already an established set, and as a generic corporate restaurant can be filled in with a few quick scribbles.
RMMD:
“This is a lot ro digest.”
“Darlin’, I thought that was the punchline to the riddle-joke, ‘What did one geophage say to the other geophage as they were voraciously eyein’ a tract of land?’ ”
Pluggers:
It looks as if today’s Plugger was a little less than careful with his right hand while around fireworks yesterday.
@68 Ukulele Ike: Even if these snooty hot dog places (a phrase I never thought I’d write) make their own hot dogs, they would be wasting serious money if they use anything recognizable as meat. Remembering that technically and legally, “all beef” franks can contain meat from cows’ heads, feet, and skin that’s not usable for leather (assholes and pussies). All this is ground up into a fine paste before adding the spices. No one could tell whether they using rib eye or strip steak in their tube steaks. Why bother with all the added expense when no one could tell the difference without specialized lab instruments?
Regardless, if the toppings and dogs form a tasty satisfying meal, what difference does it make? You enjoyed the Chihuahua dog. That’s all that matters.
@79 UncleJeff: on Dick Tracy: I hadn’t thought about keeping any panel from today’s Dick Tracy. You’re right, the final panel’s a keeper.
@82 Sequitur: Especially with how Oscar’s practically leering at Big Bird’s big ass.
@86 Bob Tice: Second-looking the strip, it could be a fireworks-related loss of finger. Using past as prologue, I’d bet that he lost it in a feeding frenzy at the Golden Corral. I’ll let you ponder who bit it off.
@Ukulele Ike: Yes, but hamburgers don’t cause you to giggle like a schoolgirl having “sexy” summer adventures in naughty, “aren’t-we-so-daring-for-crossing-the-line” titillation at talking about “weenies” the way a hot dog joint would.