Tuesday quickies
Post Content
Six Chix, 8/26/25
Look, in the Tuesday Chixiverse, people have sex with sandwiches and pizza, so I wouldn’t be too quick to dismiss out of hand anything anyone suggested to me about how reproduction works there.
Hi and Lois, 8/26/25
I really love Lois’s face in the second panel here. She’s like, “Oh shit! Oh fuck! They’re right! This is why I never sell any houses!”
Dustin, 8/26/25
FINE, I’LL ADMIT IT, THEY FINALLY MADE A DUSTIN THAT I LAUGHED AT, I’M NOT MADE OF STONE
65 replies to “Tuesday quickies”
Dustin:
“Well, there’s that European news agency, ‘Reuters’ !”
“Wow! What a genius you are!”
Awwwww, look at those…hookers? Those horrifying, kewpie-doll-looking hookers? No wonder nobody knows how sex works in this strip.
Lois fails at another sale, returns home. Thirsty, hangover-ravaged and reeking, answers his doorbell.
“I get it, Lois, come with me,” he says, tossing her a cold PBR.
Six Chix – “Chest burster” is from “Alien.” If you want to stay with 70s movie references, may I suggest “you’re gonna need a bigger stroller.”
6Cx Judging by that shade of blue, I’d say that was a baby…
H&L It’s hard to know exactly what time and place Hi and Lois is taking place but today I think we can place it in early 2008.
Dustin I feel like this is the first third of a handout on workplace harassment.
Six Chix could use the MST3K Mads’ invention of the Alien Teething Nook
Chix (sic): Alien as a post-feminist horror story of what the world would be like if men had babies (or maybe just John Hurt).
The thing with investments is, you have to count on the risk they may fail. Even if you’re in the 1% who may be able to afford to buy a house, you’re probably not comfortable enough to buy one knowing it might deprecate in value. Lois may be better off selling to the 3118 people left in the world with any real money, and hasten the day when those guys actually own all property and just keep trading it between themselves in the grand game of investing, which will certainly ensure her own wealth remains enough to pay rent on the family home.
Dustbin:
Looters
H&L: Home ownership is the clearest path to wealth for the working poor.
“Yeah, I should have led with that,” thinks Lois.
H&L: Lois wonders; is her trademark “Welcome to Lifelong Debt!” slogan NOT a good thing?
MW: What, exactly IS Mary getting credit for this time? She didn’t teach Olive to swim. She coughed up a few dusty “love yourself” platitudes. She’s been resting on her laurels for WAY too long.
RMMD: Cody: “Poor me, blah, blah, blah.”
Jonah: ” I wish I’d had my machete.”
@Ukranazi Stepan:
Freebooters
Cooters
Routers
Pluggers: If your lunch IS a tub of whipped topping, you’re a plugger.
MW – Olive must be desperate. She just threw a Hail Mary.
H and L:
“What kind of house are you trying to sell us that’s encircled by fall foliage in August, anyway?”
H and L:
“Well, ‘fee simple’ can be ‘fee complicated’ !”
@Anonymous: Considering that he was bringing up hooters, “cooters” was my first thought. But I guess that would literally sound a bit redundant with the previous use of “scooters.”
H&L: Lois is momentarily caught off guard by the realization that this couple is so in sync that they’re finishing each other’s sentences. She had forgotten that married life was not miserable for everyone, at least not at first. She shook herself and steeled her jaw. One more sale; that was all she needed. One more commission, and she could afford to start over, alone, someplace far away…
FG: Tomorrow: Quid Quo Pro! In return for Flash’s help, the Empress agrees to build the first ice cream factory on Mongo just for the three Earthlings. Dr. Zarkov still has his Mom’s recipe for Fudge Ripple!
DT: Does Tess Lakoyle need constant affirmation – her name on the lab, company, workplace, logo.
MW: This all makes sense now. With MW empty mind filled with vacuous thoughts and platitudes it provides the perfect clouding of Olive’s powerful spidey sense. This allows the parents to not only indulge their pent up carnal urges (without Olive yelling ‘Yuck, yew’) but also plot on how to destroy this monster.
JP: That’s fine Randy – take your crazy pills and start crazing up “CIA HQ”. No doubt it will help the situation, rather than say, telling her about the frantic phone call.
RMMD: Aww, and in the next moment, both will sudden spin around and run and hug each other in tears – by the way, wonder what RMMD is up to? Probably some doctoring stuff.
GT: Could be forshortening but it looks like the possible receiver is about 5 yards away from the QB. If only there was a source of easy reference material to base these drawings on, like the countless hours of college, professional and now even high school games available on Youtube, cable, and over the air broadcast and magazines. If only, maybe one day.
@Gil Bates: I prefer the facehugger cpap mask.
H&L: Lois being a terrible real estate agent explains why she hasn’t left Hi and the kids to sit poolside at a Hawaiian hotel resort.
MW: I don’t know what I find more irritating about this: the fact that Mary is still in NYC, Evy and Ed still leaving those two alone after the near drowning incident, or Olive whining like the spoiled narcissistic brat that she is.
Six Chix: Girl, you might want to aim a little lower on the anatomy bursting. And take 9th grade Sex Ed again.
@Ukranazi Stepan:
The town’s on fire!
Here come the looters!
Lean out the window
And show ‘em your hooters!
Lois: “Anxiety makes the world go ’round. No wait it’s money. fuck.”
MW: “You can learn so much about history and nouns at museums!”
Dustin: How about “neuters,” which is what the woman is going to do to you when she gets that poem.
MW: Even if Evy and Ed weren’t ridiculously negligent because they just want to boink without their cockblocking daughter around, they could at least send Olive off to boarding school after threatening to press charges against Mary if she didn’t leave on the first available flight. Then Mary would be back meddling in Santa Royale, Olive would be off pretending that she’s super special and unique, and Evy and Ed can have all the “private time” they want without having to remember that they’re parents.
Hi and Lois: “Oh crap, they understand the rate of return on housing is modest with high friction, especially with restrictive interest rates, and investment in ETFs and index funds is a safer bet! I better lean hard on the good schools and bonus room.”
Dustin: GO BACK TO BEING A STONE
Dustin: “Computers,” “shooters,” “looters,” “neuters” … nah, maybe you should avoid that last one.
@Needless Exposition: You say “Mary back in Santa Royale”, but I hear “Wilbur Weston”, so all-in-all I’m OK with padding this story a little longer.
RMMD: Aaaaaaannnnndddd cue the heart attack…. [several strips later] ‘You saved my life Spudson! You’re okay!’
JP: Boy, is Randy going to be embarassed when Marcie the CIA boss here tells him April pulled the wool over his eyes (AGAIN!!) and went gallivanting off to Norway on her own, NOT under the auspices of any government entity (and with no backup), and if it weren’t for the incredible cowinky-dink that Dumb and Dumber wanted coffee at the exact same time she was having a monologue-off with Pavel Jr. she’d basically have vanished into thin air.
MW: Wait, what? They’re at a museum now? Where are the mean girls? Shouldn’t they all be together now, one big happy, deeply deeply creepy family?
CS: Lemme guess, he spends the whole week under the bed and the big capper gag is that he’ll finally change his mind but be unable to get up off the floor because his decrepit body won’t let him?
Gil Thorp: He’s passing the football using the well known “I’m a little teapot” stance.
C’shaft: I’d shame Pam for making her nonagenarian father mow the lawn, but I think we all agree the sooner Crankshaft drops dead of heat stroke the better.
GT: “Focus, fellas!” “Get your minds right!” With inspiring coaching like that, it’s easy to see why Milford teams enjoy the level of success they do.
JP: What “intel” is Randy supposed to have received? All he knows is that April is in Norway, and the CIA already knows that thanks to Agent Fake Landlady. Can we find someone who does know what’s going on so we can move the plot along, please?
Luann: Wait…are we trying to set Tiff and Les up as a couple? I thought she was waiting until Kip realized that Stef was awful and his affections were better lavished on her instead?
MW: Yes, you are in New York City, home to some of the finest museums in the world (including “this one” which the art indicates is the Met but we can’t actually name because…?), a renowned performing arts scene, and the single largest public library in the country, not to mention a wealth of historic sites and a confluence of cultures, but the only way you can learn anything is by getting tired axioms from a smug old woman who spends most of her time interfering with the lives of the other people in her condo complex.
Pluggers can’t even afford a five dollar pack of food storage containers from Wal-Mart.
RMMD: So we’re in for, what, three or four more days of Cody and Jonah mulling over their brief encounter?
Luann: This is actually sweet. They learned to appreciate each other’s interests. You’ll never see Little Miss Inner Beauty doing this.
MW: Case in point. Olive went to all that effort to be accepted by the popular kids, and immediately blows them off to go hang out with her old lady friend some more. And don’t tell me she’s a house guest from out of town; Mary’s been there as long as Belle Batsfrey. She’s had enough time to close the deal. Its’s time to go home.
6C: I’ve long had a pet theory that the chest burster scene in Alien was written by a man who’d just witnessed childbirth for the first time. It’s not that much of an exaggeration.
Dustin: Agreed, this was actually pretty funny.
Pluggers: Well, of course you’re going to eat your lunch out of a whipped topping tub when your entire lunch *is* whipped topping.
CS: Just keep him under the bed long enough to start the It’s A Wonderful Life sequence. Let the crusty old bastard see the entire town’s ecstatic response when they think he’s gone. Pam would be doing him a great mercy. He’s well over 100 years old, and needs to retire anyway. I’d wish him a quick, painless death, but we know he’s got years of decrepitude scheduled because Tom Batiuk is a sicko.
Six Chix: Hey, be nice to the blue people and stop treating them like monsters! #Blue Lives Matter!
Six Chix still hasn’t mastered punchline technology, but creating slang for infants based on Ridley Scott’s venerable Alien franchise represents a significant step forward. Not a joke, exactly, but someone could definitely use this premise to tell a joke. Progress!
Six Chix – Bianca Xunise decided that rather than worry about not being able to come up with her one comic idea a week, she would just draw a real scene that came out of her daily life.
Hi and Lois – There are more home buyers over the age of 75 than under the age of 35, as economic conditions, increased insurance costs, and other factors mean no one is foolish enough to expect they could make it to the end of a 30 year mortgage financially, or alive.
Dustin – Fitch was (middle)-named not after the painter, but the 90s band The Rembrandts, most famous for the theme song to Friends. His knowledge of poetry comes from a CD his family got titled “TV Guide’s Best TV theme songs of All Time”, earned from being loyal subscribers to the only periodical they ever read.
Girl, that baby is blue. So is its caregiver. I will believe anything you tell me about how that species reproduces.
***
Just doing something about all that foliage that is engulfing the house would make me want to sink my life savings into the down payment.
MW:
“Mary, I was especially moved by the portraiture in the ‘Dogs in the Boardroom and Dogs Playing Bagpipes’ Gallery!”
To My Ornithologist
I love your owls,
And I will protect them,
From looters and shooters,
With me they are safe,
Your majestic hooters.
Dustin: “I’m writing it on paper because Chip told me girls dig that.”
9cl: even for Brooke, this one is skeevy.
Six Chix: Soon Trixie and Marvin will show up for their “Blue Baby Group” performance.
RMMD: Jonah’s musical genes kick in as he starts singing:
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
And send him on his waa-aay.
6Chix – Here, let me throw in this random term that likely most people won’t know what it means in an attempt to be funny(?). John Hurt is rolling in his grave. Why is this cartoon strip still around?
MW: Teach me, Obi-Wan Ke-nosy.
Pluggers is brought to you by Dream Whip, which could not get a product placement but for a small sum persuaded McKee to not use Cool Whip.
Crankshaft: Ed’s school kids are inured to his life-threatening bus driving? Even when they’re waiting to board? Wow.
Suitors would actually be vaguely appropriate, so that obviously is right out. Others have suggested neuters. Rooters would be an option, not so much for the sports fandom but in the context of plumbers coming out to clear blockages in sewer lines, a much more pleasant way of passing time than reading typical Dustin strips.
“This one of the biggest investments you’ll make in your life,” Lois said.
Foolish mortal, the voice boomed in her head. You cannot save them. They will buy me, live in me, be devoured by me. The curtains in the window shifted.
“You’re bleeding,” the woman said.
“Just a nosebleed,” Lois said, “this dry weather. Big investment, sure, but big rewards.” She put a chirpy lilt into her voice and smiled at the husband.
Better. Feed me or be food for me, that was our . . . arrangement, the house said. Do not forget your place.
FC: Billy continues; and if you’re really bad they put you in the ‘gas chamber’ which smells worse than when Daddy goes to the bathroom!”
6C: Hypoxia explains so much in this comic strip.
HnL: Lois hasn’t even told them the outrageous asking price.
Dustin: It’s about time Dustin got some use out of that useless degree!
Dustin-I had no idea Dustin’s Friend worked at Hooters.
Blondie-You should see what she makes for National Blowjob Day.
MW-Don’t name the drop the museum or anything.
FC-I hope they get Ranger John Johnson and he tells the story about Machine Gun Kelly.
MW: May does her once-a-year crawl out of the isolation chamber and learns of Ghislaine Maxwell.
“Oh, Fuck…”
Luann: Tiffany bankrupts her dad with in-app purchases.
CS: “Just let me live here with the spiders.”
9CL: Brooke has gone for a muscular look for Edda the past two days.
Next week in Pluggers: If you still have a “made in America” steel lunch bucket, you’re a Plugger.
Sally Forth I don’t understand why people get upset about squirrels eating their birdseed. Just figure that you set up a “wildlife feeder”.
FC: PJ is perfectly fine with that, as long as it gets him away from the other melonheads.
MW: “Let’s go to Restaurant after our visit to Museum!”
In a quick continuation from late yesterday: Ukelele Ike! How DARE you suggest those 9cl concert-goers should be subjected to witnessing…Mahler?
@Ken: But what about Mary’s thoroughly undeserved victory dinner at the Bum Boat where Dr. Jeff gets extorted and cucked as usual?
When first I met you at Hooters
You gave me the quivering fits
Be done with your Bubbas, your Earls, and your Scooters
Come over and show me your… menu.
JP: Natalie from Facts of Life pulls out a blunt.
“If that’ll calm your ass down, sure!”
Crankshaft is canonically a WWII vet in his 90s. Nobody would complain if he retired.
Dustin: A genuinely funny Dustin strip? What the hell?! Next there will be pigs flying and fat women singing!