“The Bum Boat never disappoints” is a phrase that will haunt my nightmares
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Mary Worth, 10/28/25
Wow, did you know that Dr. Jeff doesn’t even like seafood? Did you know he’s just been choking it down every other week for years, just for a chance to spend an hour or two in Mary’s presence? She knows it, too. “My sole filet is delicious. How are your scallops tonight, Jeff?” she asks, knowing that they make him want to puke, but it doesn’t matter. She’s already filleted his soul. Maybe that’s why he bought his boat: he thought that if she loved fish so much, surely she’d love being on the open water with him even more. And maybe he’ll eventually find the courage to simply head out to sea and never come back.
Dennis the Menace, 10/28/25
You know, everyone seems to be enjoying whatever it is Dennis whipped up in the blender, and sure, Joey’s an idiot, but he’s also a feeble little boy who probably couldn’t handle something really disgusting, and Gina’s always been the most sensible character in the cast. There isn’t even any mess on the counter! None of this is menacing at all! The colorists had to make the smoothie or whatever it is a weird set of hues just to imply some menacing, but it’s not working on me. I don’t buy it!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/28/25
An economic landscape where it’s somehow economically advantageous for a dentist to drum up more business by ruining kids’ teeth, but also advantageous for a doctor to invest in preventative care, seems unspeakably perverse, so I’m going to avoid doing the kind of research that I fear will tell me that it’s exactly the system we operate within today.
84 replies to ““The Bum Boat never disappoints” is a phrase that will haunt my nightmares”
MW: “It’s funny…I was ever a SEAFOOD person until I met YOU!” sounds very much like Jeff is accusing Mary of giving him an intractable case of the crabs.
While Mary Worth keeps babbling retcons, Luann’s old lady is positioning herself to show off as the better old-biddy-advice-giver, but she’s going to have some stuff competition from Judge Parker’s preternaturally-parentified-kindergartener Charlotte.
As soon as I read the first panel of Mary Worth this morning I knew it was going to be a Bum Boat kind of morning. Josh Fruhlinger never disappoints!
@Charterstoned: or, um, that she introduced him to certain… acts… that he’d never before considered to pleasure a partner.
More likely he realized seafood wasn’t so bad at the Bum Boat compared to salmon square glop!
Dennis the Menace: Actually, it’s a Halloween horror strip.
“Want some, Dad?”
“Not now, Dennis, I’m looking for my lower torso and legs.”
“And they’re delicious!”
“NOOO! Wait… where’s your mother?”
***Slurping straw sounds***
“NOOOO!”
MW: Mary’s smile was bright as she happily claimed CREDIT for BROADENING his PALATE. But Jeff, who actually had an aversion to seafood and had only acquiesced to Mary to avoid trouble, had noticed that Mary was gripping her fork menacingly in her fist, its tines pointed in the direction of his crotch. He cringed imperceptibly.
“Oh, dear God,” he thought with dread, “what in the world is she going to make me eat NEXT?
Dustin: somehow a break room doesn’t fit with a law firm. I’m sure Ed is not a partner but he also doesn’t punch a clock.
RMMD: Augie looks creepy.
DtM: Shouldn’t the punchline be an otherwise indigestible ingredient on the counter, like extra hot tabasco, or ant paste? Otherwise, this is reaching Hi & Lois levels of non-jokiness.
Today in Garfield: Ummmmmm, WTF?
FG Those look like some pro-level, not at all improvised-by-breaking-something staves the random audience folks just happen to have to attack Barin with. Even allowing that Velle was some special guest allowed her Emotional Support Wicked Dagger, I’d say Mongo’s stadium security is a bit… lacking. Budget should be for fewer easily-fooled champion-quarters waitresses, more bouncers at the gates
Mary Worth: “I happily take credit for broadening your palate. It is the highlight of my life! It certainly puts into perspective all that life saving crap I do as a physician.”
Dennis the Menace-From his time in the cult Henry knows never to drink unknown beverages.
RMMD-Got to love the comic strip world where a first time novelist can become a big time person with people fawning over them.
MW-I’m sure Mary was a ‘seafood’ person.
Six Chix-AI can tell better jokes.
“The ‘Bum Boat’ never disappoints! On the other hand, its sister restaurant, the ‘Bummer Boat’…”
DtM: Hey, Dad. We’ve replaced our childhood vaccines with this concoction. I got the recipe off CDC.alt.su
Dennis the Menace: The menace here is extremely subtle but Dennis is using a wooden spoon in a blender. Henry’s serving is going to be full of splinters! Although that could also be considered extra fiber which is somehow manages to be so un-menacing it’s scary.
And here I was assuming that Wilbur was the Deep One among the cast. Foolish, I was. It was Mary all along. The meddling must be how she forestalls The Change. Insmouth is calling to you, Mary.
DtM: I came to the same conclusion; if Dennis had whipped up a stray cat smoothie, Gina wouldn’t be drinking it. And there’s not pink and blue goo dripping from the ceiling, so it’s a win!
BB: Would have been funnier if Beetle were lifting a leg on the corner of the building.
RMMD: This lovefest will come to a screeching halt when Summer discovers that Augie has lifted her stalker story, making himself the Reacher-like hero, and re-branding her as a ponytailed hooker who gets murdered.
Dennis: Dennis just pureed a bunch of random fathers in the neighborhood. That’s the joke right?
@Liam: well… I don’t think that Jer. k Rowling wrote anything before Harry Potter.
I admit, I’m not a professional comic writing person who has to churn out 365 strips a year (366 on leap years) so I understand there is no world in which every day is going to be a winner. However. I’d like to think I still be able to avoid a day where it’s just two people talking about their dinner in the most generic way possible. Even Dr. Jeff’s revelation about him not being a “seafood person” until he met Mary could have been “I was not a seafood person until you talked me into trying that amazing, eye-opening lobster roll” or something and explain the experience. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but borrow from anime! I wish I could love food as much as anime characters do.
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There is trick or treating in Hootin’ Holler and kids get treats instead of threats and shotguns pointing at them until they leave the property?
***
The lobster roll was a deliberate choice because the best seafood I ever had in my life was a lobster roll in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I’d get into anime-level detail but it was years ago, so it’s most just the memory of it being amazing that’s left now.
MW:
In an ironic twist, Dr Jeff can’t recognize Mary’s cognitive decline due to mercury poisoning due to his own cognitive decline due to mercury poisoning.
MW: To further enhance your reading experience. Imagine every character talking in Ben Stein’s voice. Even Mary, even Olive.
(It makes the comic more exciting)
Why does Doc Pritchart’s nurse have a medical chart nailed to the front of her desk? Is it to track the diabetes she’s developing from them sodees she’s been sucking down? (I’m surprised she doesn’t have a two-liter of Mountain Dew.)
DtM: Dennis sets up a Jamba Juice in his family’s living room. Menace level: negligible, unless this is the first step in gentrifying their home.
MW: You know, the only time we see Jeff these days is when he’s on these postmortem excursions with Mary. Do you think he dreads the days when he has to squire Mary about while she brags about her latest meddle, or is he relieved because it’s the only time he gets fresh air anymore?
BF: “My daughter is a clinically diagnosed psychopath. Hope your life insurance is paid up.”
FG: Love the little pose Dale is throwing in panel one. Casual knee bend to draw the eye to those tight-pantsed legs, thrust breasts, insouciant flip of her long gorgeous locks (that last bit always drives Velle nuts). Like a model in a K-Mart women’s fashion catalogue.
Jeff: I’m sure glad you suggested the Bum Boat on our first date instead of Wally’s Rocky Mountain Oyster Emporium
Doc Pritchard is torn between delivery methods for razor blades. Caramel apples hide the blades better, but make them all sticky. In any event, his recent training on oral reconstructive surgery will not go to waste.
DrM: Letting your child (and two neighbourhood kids) play with the incredibly dangerous if misused blender unattended… this is realistically menacing.
@Tabby Lavalamp: Oh, New England/Maritime Province lobster rolls are a kind of heaven seldom experienced on this benighted sphere. I don’t know if it’s the freshness of the catch or some other regional secret, but it’s something you can’t duplicate anywhere else.
DtM: Now, now, critics. Remember Batiuk’s First Law of Comics: It doesn’t have to be funny, or even entertain.
DtM: Wait… why is he stirring a wooden spoon inside a blender? The entire point of a blender is that it blends on its own, it doesn’t need a spoon.
MW:
“I was never a seafood person until I met you.”
Looks like a 69 night for Jeff and Mary.
DT: Okay, is this a rehash of the Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club?
GT: Young Gil before he got all jowly.
GA: Wait, didn’t the owner dismiss applicants who wanted long term work earlier? Now he has a second shift???
JP: Please let the big twist be that Charlotte is a mole and has the source of the issues happening to Judge Parker and his gang.
MW: Okay, so this palate talk and such is some new hip sexual innuendo, right?
Phantom: Hmmm, what do all of the goons have in common? After a long discussion they realized that they all got their jobs through Goons-R-Us, the Goon app linking goons, henchmen, and lackeys with despots, tyrants and crime bosses looking for temporary or permanent staff. Big twist reveal – the Phantom runs Goons-R-Us.
RMMD: Please let this be a vanity press scam. So Augie, how did you, an unpublished writer get an actual agent?
MW – “It’s funny… there were all sorts of things I used to enjoy before I met you. Hobbies… interests… But you disapproved of them and they all fell away, one by one. I really can’t remember any of them now.” “I know, Jeff. I know and I take credit.”
“My sole filet is delicious.” Is Mary negging Jeff for not buying her two filets?
Don Abundio, translated:
“A mud puddle! How will I cross the street?”
“Don’t, worry, I’ll protect you!”
“Do you suppose I should wear sensible shoes instead of these foot-destroying symbols of submission to sexist demands?”
“Heavens, no…”
“This is a perfect opportunity for my butler to show his submission to the power of capital”
@treetown: DT: A couple of us discussed the possibility of a Sayers
rip-offhomage a few days ago, but the differences are adding up, so I think not.As for JP, you’ve got an interesting idea there. Charlotte’s line about “my dad” opens up some avenues; personally I’m hoping she goes on “My real dad, the Prince of Darkness and Lord of Evil, who will crush this rotten planet like an egg and feast on the screaming souls of humanity. Can I have some more mustard for my sandwich?”
DT: A foreign noble and a beardy clergyman — suddenly we’re hopping with auspicious suspects! Now, where’s the porter and the upstairs maid?
JP: Neddy wears a shirt with the Iowa postal code to show solidarity with the alfalfa farmers.
MW: ”To think I spent all those years eating nothing but Arby’s when there was an ocean full of fish literally yards away!”
Phantom: “Hey….we’re all circumcised! You don’t run into a lot of us here in Africa. I wonder what the purple stripey guy is planning….?”
BGSS: Well this is a big deal about nothing. Hootin’ Holler’s population has about a dozen teeth between all its residents. Dentist Hyde can go back to the darkest corridors of Doctor Pritchart’s sick mind.
C’shaft: One of your silent partners? What, are their other local cryptids who have invested money in keeping Montoni’s afloat?
DT: Okay, we have the doctor, the foreign aristocrat, and the clergyman. Now all we need is a young playboy and a retired military man who constantly reminisces about his campaigns in India, and we’ll have a Victorian Murder Mystery Suspect Bingo.
GT: Is that supposed to be a teenage Gil Thorp? He looks more like a drama club senior who’s been cast as Gaston in the spring production of Beauty and the Beast.
Luann: So Bernice is also a one-dimensional dud? Yeah, that tracks.
JP: At this point Charlotte just needs to either sue for emancipation or start charging money for being Neddy’s caregiver.
Pluggers are so old that their peers can be counted on one hand.
My objection in today’s Mary Worth goes beyond Dr. Blue Balls using “disappoint” as an intransitive and to him ordering something other than his traditional surf and turf. And I’m sure that their food looks as disgusting as usual, even more than Garfield’s Mount Tuna, which looks like a giant penis.
Gasoline Alley gives us the worst “Who’s On First” imitation ever.
Blondie is reminiscing of a world in which tech companies have a human call customers for quality reviews.
BG&SS: Have we ever seen him actually practicing dentistry?
FC: Dolly, let’s start with the basics, such as covering your nose and mouth.
RMMD: “…and now the publisher wants to take a second look at my five previously rejected novels.”
Apple Annie – Oh my god, I just had a horrifying thought. What if…what if…stay with me now….
What if the Bum Boat is actually just an allegory for sex?
What if the “Bum” refers to Mary’s backside? What if her “sole fillet” is actually a foot fetish? What if scallops…I dunno, something? What if Jeff saying he’s “broadened Mary’s palate” is actually him saying they’re into BDSM or something? What if every Bum Boat scene is actually Mary and Jeff having wild, passionate sex?
And would that be more or less disgusting than them having dinner at the Bum Boat?
DtM – open your eyes, people, the caption is so badly placed that it’s clearly written over the original caption, which has been whited out. Even the notoriously lazy and apathetic editors at the syndicate couldn’t let “what do you mean, ‘where’s your mother’” run in the nation’s papers. Chilling.
@ValdVin: Makes me wish back to a simpler time, with the Slappy Squirrel cartoon where she’s at Woodstock with “The Who” playing, doing a gloriously awesome “Who’s on first” style joke.
@Victor Von: @Victor Von: honest oversnarkaplogies to the person who had the same thought as me, I truly dint see this until after I posted mine.
FC: “No, Jeffy. You don’t get a ‘bless you’ for farting.”
The Bum Boat
Soon will be making another cruise
The Bum Boat
Your dinner you soon will loose
We’ll filet your sole
And take your soul
And your dinner will have no point
But the Bum Boat will never disappoint.
Snuffy Smith-“I’ll give those trick or treaters apples with razor blades.”
@Voshkod:
With Charo as your waitress.
@Hibbleton: I mistook the ! for a T thinking that you said Square-Dancing Rabbit, then memories flooded in of Bugs Bunny going up against some hillbillies ending with him making them do a comedically dangerous square-dance.
With this and my other comment, I miss older Warner Bros. cartoons.
MW: I would never argue against the blessed relief for Doctor Jeff that was suggested today by our beloved leader Josh. However, as the person who has him in the Dead Pool (Jeff, not Josh), I would argue that there needs to be some closure. Sure, let Doctor Jeff head off to sea and never come back. But let his boat be found without Doctor Jeff, but with a touching very-legible suicide note fastened firmly to the wheel. That way, I can feel happy and satisfied and choose a new Dead Pool candidate. And Mary can feel…um, whatever Mary feels, if anything, and then she can swivel her terrifying eyes in search of a new thrall.
@Ken: “…who will crush this rotten planet like an egg and feast on the screaming souls of humanity.”
At which point we will all look at each other, shrug and say, ‘eh, no worse than the reality we’re currently living in!’
Garfield: A Bum Boat special?
Legend of Bill: Wait, can it be? After all these months, is LoB actually cutting to the chase with its story? I like the strip, but it’s taken a while.
Dennis The Menace: You’d think this isn’t menacing at a first glance, but if you interpret it as Dennis leading his friends into a cult mass suicide via poisoned drinks made out of God knows what, it becomes very menacing.
@The Rambling Otter:
As I wrote that, I was thinking an exclamation point after an i is always problematic but I love the ‘rabbit’ imagery.
@Poteet: I have Mary herself in the Dead Pool. Not that I think I’ll ever win, but I like to imagine their moments together ending in dramatic fashion, and I see opportunity in every boat ride, in every walk on the darkened dock, in every meal at the Bum Boat. Right now, for instance, Mary and Jeff are WAY out of their comfort zone, choosing sole filet and scallops over the usual salmon and surf ‘n’ turf fare. Why? Was it a ‘special’ on the menu? Did the cook have some old leftovers he was trying to get rid of before they were noticeably ‘off’? Has management had enough of this pair, to the extent they would give them food poisoning? Hope springs eternal.
RMMD: “The publishers want me to change the title. They think ‘The Square-Dancing Rabbi Murder Case’ gives away too much of the plot.”
@Phantom Phan: If it means we get the hot fortune teller character back, I approve.
@Voshkod: When I remember the time I’ve spent watching TV over the decades, that dumb show is the only time I truly regret. I was usually doing something else while watching (petting a cat, doing dishes, dozing off), but still, I would like those hours back. Arrrgh.
DTM: Check the look on Dennis’ face. That’s the heavy-lidded ice cold look of a man who has brought the Flavor Aid.
Pluggers: Wait, hasn’t Claude Manx always been shown to be a bachelor? Why is he grocery shopping with a Dog Lady? Has he found a late mid-life romance? More likely he’s just ambling through the store looking for people he thinks he knows. He’s stopped to chat with her since he’s sure he sat by her in eleventh-grade English class.
@treetown: #33: te-Phantom:
“the Phantom runs Goons-R-Us”
That’s why Stripeybutt always wins. He make sure all of those renegade warlords, despots, and narco-terrorists get the most incompetent help available.
Sherman’s Editor: … and spell-check, Mr Mayor…
@Ken: Which is unfortunately, that was an interesting mystery.
Snuffy Smith : Doc Pritchart should give them whatever he wants, since it doesn’t really matter; the rampant malnutrition and meth use in Hootin’ Holler has made it so pretty much everyone over the age of 20 uses dentures.
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Between Friends vs Crankshaft : Man, I read too much silver age comics :
1. Because yesterday, I called the complete opposite of where this storyline was going; I’m so used to Superman doing it, I genuinely thought a sleaze like Benoit would try to gaslight and lie by omission out of admitting “yeah, you’re in danger, because my enemies are going to try to get to ME by getting YOU”.
2. Because I see where Mopey Pete is coming from, what with treating a secret identity as sacrosanct and going all “but if we expose his real identity, his career will be over and he’ll have to retire”, even though it’s kinda stupid in this context.
Man, I hope Cranky coming in IMMEDIATELY after the Pizza Monster left doesn’t mean what I *THINK* it means (mostly because it wouldn’t make any sense)************
Dennis the Menace : the colorist probably REALLY struggled with what colors to use for what Dennis just blended; they ended up picking bubblegum pink and cyan, probably because they were afraid to use stuff like blood red and slime green
though the implication that Dennis blended live frogs and is serving them as smoothies to his friends would have been perfectly menacing…************
Mary Worth :
a) “The Bum Boat never disappoints!” …mostly because your expectations are at rock bottom.
b) Mary was timid about eating seafood until her relatives from R’lyeh told her there was no danger any of them would be among the food served.
Dustin: I’ll put Ed’s doctor in my dead pool.
CS: How exactly do you make a fully wearable costume out of old pizza boxes anyhow??
9CL: With this strip’s proliferation of bikini-clad female bodies (and trainloads of bare legs), it’s actually kind of mindboggling he’d leave the visible cover of that “girlie magazine” blank. That’s an underhanded slow ball right over the plate, and you don’t swing for the fences??
DTM: Does Dennis mean “Want some, dad?” Or does he mean “Want some dad?” Note that we can’t see most of Henry’s body. Who knows which parts of him went into that suspiciously minced meat-looking smoothie? Halloween week is off to a good start.
RMMD: Per my yesterthread comment, this story has already provided plenty of wanking-off material for would-be successful authors of novels, and it is time to move on. Okay, maybe after just two weeks of Augie and a gorgeous brunette who overheard the conversation with Summer. (“Pssst! Bidding wars author! It’s not just those two publishers who are hot for what you’ve got! Take me, take me now, here, immediately, in this dark restaurant hallway next to the men’s room!”) But then it really will be time to end this.
@James: #9
Good heavens…*my* first thought wasn’t “hey, this is a giant tower of cat food…” and my second thought was “how did this get past the censors?”
@Ken: I like your idea for Charlotte, especially if it would include Neddy becoming a servant of the Dark Side. That would end her whining about not knowing what to do with her life, and would probably require provocative clothing.
Since we’re getting all grimdark with DtM and MW, I’ll confess that RMMD could be headed that direction. What if Augie’s agent phoned him to say his latest book has been rejected, like all the others, and neither the agent nor any publishers want to hear from Augie again? And now Augie thinks Summer will reject him, so he’s doubling-down on the lies — but what happens when the truth inevitably comes out?
@Charterstoned: You and I share a very special kind of bond, and I remember that when there seems to be a good potential opportunity for The Dual End. I hadn’t thought of food poisoning, however! Thank you! Hope hope hope hope…
BGSS – I don’t get it. I’ve never seen any evidence that anyone gets dental care in the Holler, and that moonshine was what you do for a toothache. So what’s his motivation?
“My sole filet is delicious. How are your scallops tonight, Jeff?” Foreplay talk!
@The Ghost of Jarrod:
I would take this strip from 2008 as confirmation of that idea.
Blondie: “Hi, this is your mobile wireless carrier. Why are we calling you on your landline?”
The Family Circus: No, Dolly. The next time you sneeze give off with a big AAAHSHIT! You’re parents will think it’s so cute.
Garfield-Brooke Mceldowney would call it inspiration.
RMMD-“My publisher says I’ll be big. Les Moore big!”
MW-“How are your scallops tonight, Jeff?” “That’s what I’m eating?”
@79 Sequitur:
“Your”. I slept in and just woke up.
MW: So Dr. Jeff was not an adventurous eater. What the hell did he live on when he was doing that charity work in those remote Vietnamese villages? Did he bring a years supply of Spam, saltine crackers, and peanut butter?