Live your life so Mary Worth never bold-face yells “AGE DIFFERENCE?” at you
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Dick Tracy, 2/26/26
The number of human beings who, over the past 18 months or so, have wondered to themselves if minor Dick Tracy villain Silver Nitrate is still having a hard time in prison can probably be counted on one hand, but I assume all those people read my blog and have only come to care because of my occasional efforts to bring the matter to their attention. So anyway, this plot update goes out to all of you Nitrate trufans: the Russians launched a drone attack on a Neo-Chicago prison in order to facilitate a mass jailbreak, and now Silver Nitrate is about to get extremely killed, by a machine gun.
Mary Worth, 2/26/26
“Oh, wow … just 32 and a widow already! You know, most young women don’t really have a sense of how long a man can live, and when they meet one who’s older than them they assume he’s got like 5 or 10 years left in him, tops. Anyway, good for her!”
Blondie, 2/26/26
“Blondie wants Dagwood to prove his humanity by displaying sexual interest in her, and Dagwood doesn’t care if Blondie is a robot or not so long as his dinner is made of real meat” is, uh. It’s a little on the nose, I think.
191 replies to “Live your life so Mary Worth never bold-face yells “AGE DIFFERENCE?” at you”
MW: Well, this got creepy fast.
CS: Yes, “Batton”, they should have bronzed the bed where you invented “Finkle.” With you in it, Han Solo style.
Pluggers still use 1990s-style cordless landline phones. And nobody but telemarketers actually calls them.
GG: I don’t know much about NASCAR, but I know it isn’t a ski jump.
[reading Blondie]: Why did Ian McDiarmid just materialize in my living room and say “Let the hate flow through you”?
“Her name’s Trixie Dumguise, she’s going to come visit me when she gets some time off from her job at MegaCorp! And my, is that salmon pie over there?”
“Yes, only 32, and assures me she’s a widow. Long distance is hard, but she sends me bawdy boudoir pictures and the occasional credit card bill (the poor dear has such trouble with finances), so we’re making it work. Everything about her is so alluring! Even her mellifluous name just rolls off the tongue… Trixie McGrifter.” *sigh*
Daisy is enjoying watching the Bumsteads kiss WAY too damn much. Spay or neuter, people! Did Bob Barker live his live for NOTHING?
MW-“Oh wow. I had no idea you were thirty-two. That is one rough life of yours,” Toby says.
9CL-Oh there most definitely was a standing ovation.
Luann-He’s a Mafia accountant.
MW – “And did I mention she’s a Nigerian princess?”
“Oh, wow! And how many millions did her late husband leave her in a bank account in Burkina Faso?”
[Archeology professor voice:] An important event in the migrations of the 21st century was the land bridge between Cavelton and NeoChicago, suddenly created when Judge Parker and Dick Tracy hit on the exact same plot at the exact same time.
@matt w:
It could be the greatest crossover since Magnum P.I./The Munsters!
Blondie being a sex/food bot answers the question of how she handles hot cookware without pot holders but why she insists Dagwood not also be a bot must be part of her legacy programming.
MW – Trixie may have to fight off Dawn Weston to get Ascot Man.
Toby’s being triggered by that “age difference.” Toby’s in a May-December marriage herself! She’s been waiting for Ian to fall of the perch f-o-r-e-v-e-r, but he just keeps chugging along. She could tell “Trixie” a thing or three about the joys of elderly husbands! Controlling, cantankerous, flatulent, rude, and not nearly as rich as you thought they were when you rashly tied the knot. Run, Trixie, run!
DT: Yeah, Th’hyckyudun to you too! /glances around looking for approval/
MW: God, Mary seems absolutely delirious thinking about what this new situation could bring. “A May-December phishing scam with a closeted widow? Oh…god…I’m feeling light headed…”
Blondie: You know, I was never clear where and when Blondie was set, but I have to admit, ‘Alternative Future Timeline in the Terminator Universe’ was not something I had considered until now.
MW: These plots are like Baja’s vintage Late Thread Cuisine meals, with stories made from the same nasty ingredients to create an unsavory experience that will be set before us. Mix the regular Charterstone staples with the likes of predatory characters like Fabiana, Bats Belfry, and now Trixie, coated with a thick sauce of Mary’s moralizing, and served with animal dramas on the side. It’s not appetizing, but by God! you’re going to STAY at the table until every last bit of it is FINISHED, do you hear me?! There are starving children in China who don’t get to read Mary Worth!!
Dick Tracy:
Wow. They’re all speaking Esperanto, to increase their understanding of one another.
DT: The estate of Chester Gould received my substantial payment and snuck in some subliminal advertising for my new product: Lezzgo! The only plastic construction toy aimed at the women-loving-women market.
Blondie: The difference between Dagwood and a machine is that Blondie has been given orgasms by a machine.
I’m not sure whose voyeurism is more disturbing: the Bumsteads’ dog, or the DeGroot children.
@A Grave Mind:
Daisy is highlighting that a robot uprising (complete with spies killing and replacing your loved ones) is a needless worry; the more immediate threat is the Animalocalypse.
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Dustin : DustinDad, your daughter is texting you instead of calling you because you’re in a public space, and a text is more discreet than a loud ringtone, and the ensuing conversation. (Which, of course, DustinDad throws away by loudly whining about emojis).
***********
Luann : Frank and Nancy joke that the reason he’s being cagey about WHAT exactly he does as a living is because it’s sensitive, borderline illegal stuff, because they don’t realise that’s true about their ownership of the Fuze/Kafé Kablooie (Mr Gray launders SO MUCH money through it…)
***********
Mary Worth : “But isn’t Trixie uncomfortable dating a man twice her age?” “Of course not! Her previous husband had the same age gap! And the guy before that too! And the guy before that too!”
“…How many husbands has Trixie had?” “About 7 over the last 5 years. Crazy thing, too, they all died on the honeymoon from slipping in the bathtub! But I’m confident OUR relationship will last!”
Beetled Off Daily:
Is “fireplace” what the kids, er, Korean War era eyeless soldiers, are calling it these days?
MW: “Pool Party at 2:00, be sure to wear something mauve.”
DT: “TH’FCKYUDUNE?” couldn’t pass the censors.
Wrecks Moregone:
Unfortunately for Lorna Starr, the timeshare she just bought to get away from it all happens to be in Charterstone.
Silver Nitrate is going to have his insides exposed to light [by M-16 5.56mm bullets] and they will immediately break down to silver oxide and particles of metallic silver.
MW- I guess they need to run these catfish/scammer storylines now and then because the older readers need to be reminded to keep safe.
Either that, or Moy is just phoning it in.
MW Anyone who can get two braincells to fire simultaneously would be saying “Oh, wow…” as a way to avoid commenting about how suspicious / creepy H’s declaration is. But this is Toby so she is genuinely excited. This is great! There could be a young-wife-of-old-guy-buddy for her at Charterstone soon!
I think Toby may have stopped by the edibles table when she got to the party.
RMMD Hiding in a maid’s outfit without any sign of friends who visit or even expensive hobbies or tabloid rumours that she’s the anonymous bidder collecting, say, art – doesn’t look like she’s *enjoying* her millions. Look, just say you wanted to be able to eat a normal meal without being shamed for it and be done with it.
Blondie – “Hath not a non-robot eyes? If you prick us, do we not bleed? Scratch that part about the pricking. I’ll just kiss you.”
Mary Worth: February 26th, 2026: Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me, but today I saw Mary and Toby’s O-face at the same time.
MW: Of all the people in the world to side-eye an age gap relationship, Moy chose Toby. I guess someone other than Mary had to do it, as Mary’s too busy staring off into space, fantasizing about how best to meddle.
@Pozzo: You would, too.
@Anonymous: Yeah, Frank DeGroot being some kind of white-collar criminal would explain an awful lot about this world. There’s no way the income from The Fuse/Cafe Whose Name Evans Borrowed From Bill Waterson is supporting two adults plus Luann.
DT: It took me awhile to figure out the guy was saying “(what) the heck (are) you doing?” Walt Kelly and Al Kapp were way better at writing regional dialogue.
Dick Tracy: Before the NRA fans show up, Nitrate is about to be extremely killed by a semi-automatic rifle, not a machine-gun. I’m very sorry to do post notes, but I think it’s important to honor the lives (and deaths) of minor Dick Tracy characters.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: (By the way, it’s been surprisingly long — just over a year — since Uncle Lumpy’s classic post was referenced on the front page, at least as far as I could see.)
@Banana Jr. 6000: That’s Mumbles. He mumbles.
Blondie: Dagwood doesn’t care that Blondie is a robot which she must be because no human could hold a hot dish right out of the oven with their bare hands. Thanks, Dagwood, now you’ve got me wondering if Daisy dreams of electric squirrels.
Blondie: Comic-strip time and all that, but did Dagwood and Blondie wait until after she served a whole-ass meal to decide that yes indeed, a kiss is better than a Captcha? The only thing I can figure is that they’re experiencing small time skips before being launched a thousand years into the future. Or more likely, Blondie has sensibly decided to wait out Dag’s Yankee pot-roast-induced fugue state before wrapping up their conversation.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
Gold, Jerry!
I’m still not sure whether it was the kiss or the eating that convinced Blondie, since she clearly waited until bringing out a second pot roast before she responded.
That, or they’re pondering what they’ll use his skin for. Mansuit. It’s always a mansuit.
MW:
“Tell us more about Trixie.”
“Well, her married name was ‘Black,’ and she played for Richmond’s women’s college basketball team.”
“In other words…?”
“Yep. She’s a Black widow Spider!”
JP: Randy frees Mark Trail villain Bog Dan. “Rusty lied!”
At 32, Trixie is… what, 50 years younger than Dead Astaire here? Even if she turns out to be a gold digger and Mary needs to convince Thirsty Howell the Third that she’s only in it for the money, this is still modern day Mary Worth so it will be a tedious slog where it will take the Meddler-In-Chief several weeks to make him see the light and settle for a pet rabbit or hamster or something that will hang on his every word.
***
It seems like some weird-ass role play but Blondie looks genuinely scared in that first panel so maybe the strip is finally giving up on the gag-a-day format and into a science fiction drama? Still, it seems like a waste of resources for whoever is making these robots to do one of friggin’ Dagwood who spends his day sleeping at work and can be bought with a BLT.
Age difference? Long distance relationship but never actually met or seen them? Mary thinks back to the heady days when Estelle had a similar arrangement. “Oh my. I never thought I’d get this lucky again! Charterstone, you are Paradise!”.
C’Shaft: Okay, first…EEEWWW! Poor Cathy was probably still in the other room watching TV while Batton was in bed fantasizing about Fritzi Ritz…or maybe Gearhead Gertie. Second, if he was hanging out at the actual Westview High in the ’70s, then Batton didn’t “come up” with his “band director character Mr. Finkle.” He simply copied the “real-life” Harry L. Dinkle and changed his name…probably without permission or compensation. This is a person we’re supposed to care about and want to see more of?
GG: Okay, I’m calling Shenanigans. The 2026 NASCAR season began a couple of weeks ago. Why in the name of Dick Trickle would Gearhead Gertie, whose raison d’être is to watch NASCAR to the exclusion of all other sports, be tuning in to the Olympics when there are races going on? What a fair-weather fan she turned out to be!
MW: What’s with the beatific smile, Worth? There ought to be more red flags flying over your head than a Stalin-era May Day parade right now! All the online romance scams you’ve “advised” people through over the last 30 years, and nothing Waldo Lydecker here is saying is setting off alarm bells?
As the infiltrators spread through humanity, complex challenge-response routines were established. The robots, though, evolved and advanced, learning to ‘use tongue’ and ‘store food in internal container for later disposal.’ Humanity was soon doomed.
MW: Surprising background character in P2. TBH, I always wondered whatever happened to Madam Mao.
Dick Tracy‘s commitment to its central conceit – grotesque criminals with on-the-nose names – has waned a bit over the decades. At least Silver Nitrate’s hair is silver, but we don’t get horrors like Pruneface and Flattop anymore, and I miss it!
My heart tells me the two gunsels here are Mumbles, Jr. and Baldo Shaddup. I’m sticking with that until I hear otherwise.
Things I would have preferred not to know: Daisy likes to watch
DT: I’ve been saying that to this strip for years–“Th’hckyudune” indeed?
MW: “Age difference?” Mary cries, with the eager wide-eyed expression of someone who has won a lottery jackpot. To hell with squabbling over parrots, this is the kind of neighbor drama she lives for!
Not news, but Mary Worth has a serious pacing problem. Everyone knows this storyline is going to drag out for at least a month plus a week of Mary and Jeff recaps, you can’t just blow “new guy’s girlfriend is an obvious catfish” in the first three days. Show some restraint!
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: Where’s Coffeepothead? Did he get horribly maimed after his encounter with Twacy?
It’s left to Toby to say “Wow” because Mary is *quite visibly* struck dumb with pleasure at the vision of the meddling to come.
MW: I guess 32 is still young enough to trouble Mr. H’s daughter Sharon. But I suspect such potentially-interesting interpersonal conflicts aren’t going to happen, and we’ll just get a boring “online dating is bad” PSA. There’s a good chance we won’t even hear of Sharon again.
@Tabby Lavalamp: It seems like some weird-ass role play but Blondie looks genuinely scared in that first panel so maybe the strip is finally giving up on the gag-a-day format and into a science fiction drama?
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“Beyond DagWorld” Coming to HBO
Mary Dynamite – “I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin’ pretty serious.”
The only thing that would add to this is if Trixie is from Canada.
C’shaft: Bronzed? Nah, man, for that you should be crowned–specifically in the manner Khal Drogo did to Viserys.
Dustin: Here, we see a rare glimpse of the fear that drives Dustdad’s loathing of the youth and everything associated with them, the existential angst of realizing his insignificance in a world that continues to move and change in spite of him and will care little when he finally leaves it. It’s a beautiful sight.
JP: “Sure, just point out which corpse is his and I’ll tie him to the back of the snowmobile.”
Luann: Did….did they forget that the deGroots own and run the Fuze?
Pluggers are desperately, desperately lonely.
RMMD: Look, either Lorna willingly retired and his happy to be free from the rigid beauty standards of Hollywood, or she’s so ashamed at having fallen out of those standards that she’s become a recluse and has to disguise herself to leave the house, but you can’t have it both ways!
@Anonymous: “…How many husbands has Trixie had?”
_________________________________
“Her’s or other people’s?” (Joke stolen from “Clue :The Movie”).
9CL: Look, if the audience hasn’t been put out by people fooling around inside the grand piano Every. Single. Time (which is about to happen AGAIN), they’re not gonna be fazed by people showing up onstage in bikinis. I’m just sayin’.
BLONDIE: I’m thinking by now robots can make out with desperate people, so I don’t see how this proves Dagwood is human.
…And in a twist of comic irony, when I looked up today’s JP strip on Comics Kingdom, the usual Popeye cartoon pop-up showed Olive Oyl covering her face with her hands. Which is pretty much what Randy might have done in yesterdays strip.
I just gonna say it – Dick Tracy dishonors the memory of Dwight Eisenhower by putting him in a prison jumpsuit. Or maybe it dishonors Charlie Brown. It’s hard to tell.
The Familliar Mucus: Looks like Little Billy is busy and has his little hands full already, Dolly.
@A Grave Mind: You know, once dogs or cats are spayed or neutered, they become insufferable prudes right? Daisy is judging them.
MARY WORTH: “‘Age Difference?’ Happening at Charterstone, where I already have two friends who are robbing the cradle/grave as we speak? Impossible!”
Luann: Dad deGroot tests his daughter on what he does for a living while Greg Evans frantically searches 40+ years of strips to see if he ever decided exactly what the answer is. “Goddamn it, have I never shown him at work?”
“The love of my life was taken tragically from me, leaving me a widow at an age most people are not even married”
“Wow, we have so much in common!”
@Voshkod: I just gonna say it – Dick Tracy dishonors the memory of Dwight Eisenhower by putting him in a prison jumpsuit. Or maybe it dishonors Charlie Brown. It’s hard to tell.
________________________________
Charlie finally snapped and stuffed the football down Lucy’s mouth in “You’re In Jail,Charlie
Brown!”
JP: Bogdan? Well, I didn’t plan on killing him but yeah, sure, why not.
Blondie, The Neighborhood Bumstead: Say what you will about Dag and Blondie’s humanity, but in my opinion, it was darn nice of them to install a doorbell at a height low enough for Daisy to poke it with her nose.
JP: Bogdan? Well, I didn’t plan on killing him but yeah, sure, why not.
MW: It would be a nice twist if Trixie is a real person but extremely ugly. The reason she’s a widow is because she turned her last husband to stone.
@GarrisonSkunk: Charlie Brown’s heart raced as he ran toward the football. This time would be different. This time he would connect. How many times had Lucy pulled the ball away? How many humiliations, bruises, grass stains? But not this time. The ball, Lucy, both loomed. His foot came back as he saw her, again, start to pull away the ball.
Contact. A shuddering in his foot, the feeling of a solid hit, and Charlie looked up to find the ball, which must be soaring in a screaming arc across the sky. Instead it slowly rolled to his feet. He turned back and there was Lucy, twitching in the grass, the side of her head crushed by a size six sneaker.
When the police came, he didn’t claim it was an accident, because, in his heart of hearts, he knew it wasn’t.
JP: ‘We have to get Bogdan!’ ‘Randy, I don’t care what little pet name you have for it, we don’t have time to get your teddy bear!!’
Luann: Luann overhears Mommy’s stage whispers and thinks ‘oh boy! My daddy’s a secret agent! Teacher will give a gold star for SURE when she hears my presentation!’
HtH: Relax, folks! That “plucked Chicken” you see there is not really being exfeatherated by Helga! No, it’s a rare, exotic, featherless breed from… uh, Brazil. And she’s wearing a rubber suit to shield against the Scandanavian cold … also to protect her modesty and get past the censors.
Clara is doin’ a great job here – just look at how she’s conveying her dismay, anguish, and the indignity of her situation! Since it’s a simulated nude scene, she’ll be gettin’ a sizable bonus. Not Chicken feed!
Blondie: “Prove you’re not a robot.” “Well, I have the posture of someone whose joints were installed incorrectly, I go through food like a blender combined with a vacuum cleaner, and I’ve looked basically the same since the 1930s. What do you think?” “Eh, love is love!” [Smooch!]
Mary Worth: “She’s 32, and widowed like me. Also, she’s a South American salsa dancer named Fabiana who lives with her cousin. All I have to do is get them green cards and she’ll be with me forever! That’s pretty easy these days, right? I don’t really keep up with the news that much.”
Trixie’s husband was washed away while at work in the sewers of NYC, He spun in, there were no survivors. Then he turned up on “The Cher Minus Sonny Comedy Hour” in a raft, shouting “I’m ok! I’m ok!”
@Voshkod: When the police came, he didn’t claim it was an accident, because, in his heart of hearts, he knew it wasn’t.
___________________________________________
…In the background,the only witness, The Kite Eating Tree, grinned to itself,never to reveal what it knew.
This Charterstone pool party is lame. Even Luann’s high school graduation pool party had more revealing swimwear. Look, even a wealthy Plugger could rock a Speedo and an ascot at the same time. Surely Toby and Estelle could get away with low-slung bikinis. But noooo! Dowdy mauve velour track suits. Ugh.
@Voshkod: Is it too much to hope Josh will award us Co-COTW honors?
@Ettorre: Daisy likes to watch
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…and participate, Les we forget the unspeakable filth that takes place when Dagwood is out of town.
@GarrisonSkunk: I believe that someone did an analysis of the COTW trends and found that replies almost never get the nod. That said, we may get a scratchy scrotum, so stock up on penicillin.
MW: @Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars! Looks like your contract agreement with The Ladies for Mary’s hypoallergenic feline fell through. But I guess that hypoallergenic chicken from Brazil makes up for that…until she gets eaten. Maybe Clara could do a reprise as one of Baja’s Late Thread Cuisine items?
@GarrisonSkunk:
This WAS brilliant, guys
MW: This is a replay of the Arther Zerro story, isn’t it? Just switching out the genitals, like they resuse panels?
Luann: I knew what my dad did for a living when I was 6. He worked for IBM, which had a contract with the Navy to program submarines. He worked on the Navy base in an office full of terminals, and would bring home punch cards (that’s how old I am, punch cards were still a thing) sometimes for my sister and I to play with.
MW- “I’m H@rvey Hart the eighth I am, H@rvey Hart the eighth I am I am. I’m older than Trixie by forty years or more, now Mary can meddle like never before!”
LUANN: Frank: Remember ‘Take Your Dsughter to Work’ day? That’s what I do.”
You’re an Epstein Island concierge? (Yeah, sorry about that. It’s just that I do not know why Frank is being so cagey about his pencil-pushing job or why his appalling incurious family doesn’t know this by now. For Luann, I guess as long he kept the gummi bears coming, her dad could have been a hitman for all she cared.)
@Voshkod: I remember distinctly a reply to one of my comments becoming COTW, so it is not hopeless! We all must remember “unspeakable filth”!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Hunh. With all those dental fricatives, maybe he should be called “Spritzes?”
JP – April: Oh, so that’s why my dad told me I’d need a crowbar too!
#BringBackNorton
@Voshkod: In 16 years of commenting here, I’ve never even made the float, let alone COTW, and I long ago gave up hope of ever featuring on it. The closest I came to was when a reply to me (about Spiderman) made the float, but my comment didn’t. So I assume that it’s just a matter of who is funny where Josh is concerned and who isn’t.
DT: Are these Russian drone pilots free lancing?
JP: April fixed her victims with her dead eyes like the IT clown creature and then slit the throats with the big bread knife.
MW: Please let this be a over the top fake out and the real Trixie is not a catfish but an old fashioned gold digger or sugar daddy seeker.
Phantom: That’s two points for the take down, but can she get the pin or will General Chum reverse?
RMMD: If she cares she must have had a management team, but she doesn’t care, she could easily sell out and move some place she likes.
MW: “OH WOW … I should have totally married a nonagenarian Edwardian reenactor, but how was I to know that a sedentary, rage-prone, Spam and tattie-eating Scotsman would hang on so long?”
We have so much in common! We both married for money and murdered our spouses. She’s a poisoner! Isn’t that interesting?
Blondie: seems like in strip time, a really long time elapses between Dagwood asking “How’s this?” and Blondie replying “Well, I guess that proves it!” Like 15 minutes at least? Was there any other conversation in between panels 2 and 3?
Crankshaft – The bed should be bronzed? No, for creating “Finkle” he should have received a warrant from The Hague.
JP – I think that Bogdan is actually a plant, there to spy on Randolph for the bad guys, whoever they are.
In any case, Randy missed a big opportunity – with that luxurious, well groomed beard, he could have been an extra in Death By Lightning.
Rhymes With Orange – Her host forgot to fill the cabinet with marbles.
Mary Worth – Trixie is probably younger than HH’s daughter, who will not be happy about the relationship.
Blondie- I guess this is a lot more fun than performing a Turing test.
DT: That “Lezzgo” really needs a “CHU-CHUNK” gun-cocking sound. I don’t care whether his gun can make that sound or not, it’s REQUIRED.
JP: My first thought was “Oh man how’s Randy going to be able to go on with his life as it was, what with having been falsely imprisoned more months by clandestine criminal organization with the reach and resources to run an off-the-grid arctic gulag and then (auditorily) witnessing his cheerfully bantering wife knife-murder two dudes,” but then I remembered that nobody in this strip has anything resembling character—neither the moral and certainly not the literary kind.
@I speak Jive: The big twist will be that Trixie is Sharon’s daughter, given up for adoption when Sharon “got in trouble” at the age of 17. This is revealed when Mr. H. mentions that Trixie has a birthmark which Sharon remembers. Mary of course will be in heaven; the rest of us will be vomiting in our mouths because of the location of the birthmark and the horrifying question of how Mr. H. found out about it.
Wizard of Id: The Tim Hortons reference feeds into my headcanon that the so-called “Kingdom of Id” is actually a long-isolated North Dakota county on the Canadian border. (The “Huns” who are attacking all the time are merely cosplaying Manitobans.)
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: #34: Actually, as law enforcement officers working for a government agency, those prison guards would be perfectly entitled and allowed to carry select-fire assault rifles capable of going full auto.
@Rover Berkeley: (on 9CL) I agree with you. They’ve definitely whittled the audience down to those with specific tastes. In fact, I think the audience members have been lobbying for the installation of a pole on the stage.
MW – “Oh, WOW…”
“‘Oh wow’? Because Trixie and I have so much in common?”
“No, because Mary and I smoked SOOO MUCH weed!”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Why are you standing out here?”
“I’m being punished. My boss caught me passing notes to the guy at the next desk”
“Is that all? Who do you work for, anyway?”
“Him…”
[Sign: SUPERINTENDENT OF SCHOOLS]
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: #99: It’s probably on one of the Indian reservations. If the tribal councils took big oil’s 30 pieces of silver to allow fracking on reservation land, renting some out so crazy white people can hold a year long Renaissance festival would be no big deal.
DT: “Thizzizznwhizztime!”
MW: “We have so much in common, like we both have access to my bank accounts.”
Blondie: An AI-powered Dagwood would have eaten Blondie and kissed the pot roast.
@A Grave Mind: This WAS brilliant, guys
_____________________
Thank you.
@Peanut Gallery: [Sign: SUPERINTENDENT OF SCHOOLS]
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So THAT’S how you say “School Management” in Spanish!
Luann: Why is Nancy whispering this to Frank? Is this some kind of foreplay? I don’t want to know.
CS: At this point, Skip isn’t sure if it’s the Montoni’s pizza or this topic causing him to feel nauseated.
FC: Bil “helps” by hucking the books at Billy’s head.
Dustin: This is understandable. Ed is unsure if Meg is making fun of him, because that’s pretty much all she does.
Wizard Of Id: Tim Horton hears an Id.
Cranky’s Wrath:”….. and then, Sonny Bono broke into my bedroom and stole my notes and Magic Marker™”
@GarrisonSkunk:
Speaking of how weird Bat
iukTON THOMAS is drawn, how about that first panel? He’s suddenly incredibly bulky, with a neck thicker than his head!…Maybe he spent the entire time working out to defend himself from Sonny Bono…
JP:
RANDY: We have to get Bogdan.
APRIL: Too late. I gutted him on the way in here.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
I fear, speaking in terms of conventional U.S. military, that the full-auto M-16 was phased out in (I think) 1983. Ours in the Marines 2005-2009 certainly weren’t. Had a three-round burst option, we never used it.
Apple Annie – On the one hand, the Trixie Fakerson thing is so obviously catfishing that I almost feel like it has to be some sort of subversion. On the other hand, this is Mary Worth.
@Guillermo el chiclero: @A Grave Mind: It would have been SO much cooler to give them Tommy guns.
“Lemme play you a little tune on my Italian typewriter, screw!”
“Uh, that metaphor doesn’t really work, does it?”
“Th’fckyudune?”
Crank: Bronzed, sealed in lead and buried in a disused mine with a sign saying “This is not a place of honour,” what’s the difference?
JP: “I need my emotional support Santa!”
It’s kind of hilarious how, back when he started and was trying to back away from some of the murky morality he’d inherited, Ces did a whole thing about how CIApril had only ever done data analysis and making coffee, and all evidence she was a ruthless wetwork agent had been faked by the actual assassins as part of the cover-up, and now he’s got her straight-up murdering people on panel. Next week, Neddy suddenly realises an old-people sweatshop made of storage containers sounds like a great idea as long as you don’t build it on a sinkhole! And if old people are reluctant to sign up after last time, well, Charlotte’s looking for something to do, right?
MW: Mary looks positively giddy at the potential for DRAMA here. Which isn’t surprising, since her last attempt at meddling involved vaguely suggesting to Toby that maybe dedicating your entire life to watching TV with a parrot wasn’t healthy, and Toby, of all people, just completely dismissed her to the point that by the time she recapped to Dr Jeff, she’d decided it never happened and she was Team Parrot the whole time. Even if it turns out this relationship is fine, she’s going to meddle it anyway, just to prove a point!
Phantom: I’m sure this would be thrilling if it were told through some kind of moving pictures, maybe with a soundtrack. As it is, it’s about as exciting as watching the diagrams in a martial arts book.
CS: Really, the interview was going on all though the doghouse plot, they haven’t moved from that booth in days except to use the restroom, only reluctantly on Batton’s part because he can’t bear to even take a break from discussing his favorite subject of himself and his work in comics. They’ve been using disposable flushable washcloths to wipe themselves off in the men’s room in between pizzas.
MW: Or it will be a situation that looks like a catfishing, gold-digging scheme but it turns out this old dandy really did make a love connection, and Mary’s attempts at meddling are for nothing.
Phantom: The Ghost Who Sits in the Corner And Watches, It’s A Bit Creepy.
@A Grave Mind: #114: Most militaries discourage their soldiers from using the full auto option (called spray and pray) on their rifles. Can’t waste that expensive ammo.
@Ukulele Ike: #116: Would’ve been even cooler to give them Colt Monitors, a shortened, lightened Browning Automatic Rifle, a popular weapon for 1930s prison guards and gangsters alike.
@pugfuggly: “DT: Yeah, Th’hyckyudun to you too! /glances around looking for approval/”
Thank you for the explanation!
I seriously was gonna ask the CC community what that was.
I — despite a career in radio — never got the “In The Garden of Eden”/”In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” joke until it was explained by Bart Simpson.
@I speak Jive: Given Ces’ proclivities I would not be surprised if the Big Twist is that Bogdan is in fact the Big Bad Criminal Mastermind Behind It All, maybe even he is actually April’s gold ol’ rogue CIA agent arms-dealing dad who faked his own death and has been Pulling the Strings This Whole Time under a Mission: Impossible-style mask waiting until his daughter demonstrates her worthiness to take over the enterprise (by committing numerous unnecessary and cold-blooded murders in front of the man she “loves”).
@nescio: “DT: “TH’FCKYUDUNE?” couldn’t pass the censors.”
I sure hope they tried.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Well, full auto rifles ARE stupid. A 30 round magazine will be empty in about three seconds, and bet you don’t hit anything you’re actually trying to
@Paul1963: I’ve always thought the funniest line in “Friends” was when they had a quiz contest and the question was “What is Chandler Bing’s” job”….followed by the cast looking at the audience for several seconds.
@Ukulele Ike:
First, laughed my ass off.
Second, seriously, of all times for DT to drop the Depression aesthetic, they go with the firearms? M-4s are boring.
@Doc Wonmug: It’s still February.
And in San Diego, it’s a coolish 74 degrees.
@Anonymous: Just saw a story that Peter Noone (who is certainly as old as Natty Ascot Guy) is playing the Minnesota State Fair Grandstand this summer.
@UncleJeff: “He’s a transpondster!”
”That’s not even a word!”
@Guillermo el chiclero:
And now I’ve learned of these. They look awesome and I want one.
Geez. A lot of short notes today.
Luann/JP’s CIApril — My Uncle Gordy passed away about 30-some years ago. He held a number of positions at Northern States Power. Funny, loquacious guy.
Had been in World War 2, so a military funeral was arranged.
At his graveside service, a group of military people came to the scene.
They announced to those in attendance that Uncle Gordy was an OSS agent during the war, working in South America.
They presented my very surprised aunt with a set of several medals Gordy had earned but had to keep quiet about for national security reasons. It was a secret Gordy literally took to the grave.
@Terry Rhoden: “Mary’s attempts at meddling are for nothing”!? For your lack of faith, go say twenty “Hail Mary”s and perform three acts of meddling.
@Paul1963: “Strategic Sourcing”. He’s one of Ted Forth’s many managers.
@A Grave Mind: My father, who was a C-130 pilot in ‘nam, always told me that his plan in the event of a shoot-down was to empty his AR-15 over his shoulder while running screaming in the opposite direction.
@Maltmash3r: Moy was on speed dial for that last story.
@Ken: That would be a very dramatic story in anyone else’s hands, but I shudder to think of how it would go with MW. Alternating between vomiting and intense anger.
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: Tim Horton’s – now I want Timbits.
@UncleJeff: I was a fan of Peter Noone back in the day – not Beatles level, but quite a crush. I saw him with the Dick Clark Caravan of Stars in 1965, the first concert I ever went to.
He has a show on the 60s channel on Saturdays on satellite radio. I can’t stand to listen to him because his voice is really annoying, especially when he does a high pitched imitation of women talking.
@I speak Jive: I read a section of Mick Jagger’s autobiography where he talked about an early 1960s tour with the Stones and several other British pop bands.
Mick said Noone was the true “ladies’ man” of the bunch.
They had to leave a hotel very early one morning and he saw Peter Noone walking out of his room with a pair of women — one older, one younger — who bore more a passing resemblance.
Mick said he always smiles when he hears “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter”.
@Charterstone: Dune: That makes sense (in a Judge Parker way), and would be a more dramatic story than if Brogdan were just spying on Randy. Considering how JP stories play out, the story itself would make no sense and would be infuriating.
Hasn’t Mary Worth already done a storyline about elderly people being scammed by criminals pretending to be someone else, or is the idea that nobody pays enough attention to their storylines for it to matter?
@UncleJeff: I haven’t read that biography, but I’m sure it was interesting. I know that Peter Noone was born in 1947, so he was 17 or 18 when I saw him in 1965. He really started out young as a ladies man.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
Well, he was honest, I respect that.
@I speak Jive: @UncleJeff: That’s how I feel about Mick Jagger’s voice, not that he can’t sing (Jumping Jack Flash is one of my favourite songs, and his version is still very very good) but he slurs his words so much.
Which is why I like the Elite Beat Agents cover.
@I speak Jive: I think George Harrison was 17 when he lost his virginity in Hamburg in what was basically a closet where all the Beatles slept together over the club they played in (they others pretended to be asleep and then applauded when he finished)
MW: “Age difference?” “Yeah. I still like to fuck. So mind your own business.”
@A Grave Mind: The weird thing is that Dad was quite a hunter in his youth, and very proficient with weapons. But OTOH, elk don’t shoot back and won’t torture you if they catch you.
Blondie: This being a family cartoon, the artist did not depict how Dagwood actually proved his humanness, nor the juices running down Blondie’s leg in the last panel.
@Charterstone: Dune:
Hell, sounds like a fine Tuesday to me.
@A Grave Mind: @Guillermo el chiclero:
When I went into the service, M-16s were just beginning to be introduced. In basic training, we went to the firing range to qualify on it. The guys at the range, however, had been told to stop demonstrating full-automatic mode because it was tearing up the facilities. Yup, bullet holes everywhere. So, while I got to shoot the damn thing, I never saw one fire on full-auto.
@I speak Jive: I’m already furious…furiously wanted to know who the hell is doing Randy’s job? Did they have a special election or something? It seems like the kind of thing a strip called Judge Parker might want to touch on amidst all the 20-something angst, family melodrama, and sociopath CIA agents gutting people like fish!
@Charterstone: Dune:
Randy: Who’s been doing my job since I was captured?
April: I don’t know, who was doing it before you were captured?
Blondie. 2nd panel. Daisy eagerly awaits her kiss.
@Horace Broon: No joke there. He sort of stopped doing it when he set up his own home panopticon to protect Charlotte from April using Ring cameras that he obsessively monitored all day. April hacked into them while she was Somewhere In Europe to keep tabs on Charlotte herself. I think the court replaced him and Manley got to live his dream of never drawing a courtroom again.
Blondie has seen a few headlines about AI, but doesn’t quite understand it yet. At least she’s keeping her wits about her. E for effort.
@Tabby Lavalamp: “Dead Astaire” nearly made me guffaw in front of God and everyone on the bus. I’m going to start using that for Mr. Ascot, if you don’t mind.
Confident in her protégé, Mary leaves the chitchat to Toby. She knows Wilbur’s tumbling backward into that pool any second now.
@Anonymous: …Maybe he spent the entire time working out to defend himself from Sonny Bono…
__________________________
Part 2 of the article will be headlined MY THREE WAY WITH SONNY AND CHER which in turn, inspires an indie movie starring Mason Jarr as Wallace Shawn.
Late Thread Cuisine: As April was running through the prison, stabbing indiscriminately, accidentally missed a guard…
Blondie: Little does Blondie know that what is bound for obvious reasons to be a short-lived tech company just released their Dagwood Bumstead sex robot.
DT: Why is it so important for Mumbles to kill Silver Nitrate. Does he just not want his fictional universe polluted by displaced Doonesbury characters?
MW: Oh, I see. It’s not a catfishing story, it’s a black widow story. Curious to see if Trixie follows noted attempted murder influencer Belle Batsfrey on Instagram.
“…..Cathy was always after me to clean off the spider webs that comically appeared above our bed.I told her spiders gotta live too.” She said,”HOLD ON!”, which gave me the idea for Holtron, the Lost In Space loving school computer, then I went back to my life as Odie’s owner Lyman.Did I mention I also created “Garfield”?”
@Baja Gaijin: Cuisine – That is horrifying, although it would coordinate perfectly with the avocado green appliances in a 1970s kitchen.
The dishes coordinate somewhat. I think that the pottery is always the most appealing thing about these concoctions.
C-Shaft: Tom Batiuk has his author avatar brag about how much sex he and his wife (and others?) had back when he looked like a cross between Bob Belcher and Mike Stivic. Because apparently, there’s no one in his life to tell him not to.
Dustin: Not surprising that the idea of laughing to the point of tears is alien to most characters in this strip.
GT: So apparently Cami Ochoa isn’t doing her best coaching. One hopes.
JP: Did April just kill everyone on the “no witnesses” excuse? Because I hate to break it to her, but when all the bodies are found somebody’s gonna put 2 and 2 together.
Lockhorns: Sure it looks like another stale woman driver joke, but it’s equally likely that somebody in the neighborhood planted a car bomb to put an end to one or both Lockhorns.
Luann: Whatever Frank’s real job is, owning The Fuse is apparently just a way to have an obvious money loser on his tax statement.
Phantom: Hand-to-hand combat in Bangalla/Ivory Lana seems to be rather less real than pro wrestling.
@Baja Gaijin: I’m sure there was one person out there thinking, “Finally! I can pair my pears and goose my gooseberries!”
@Austria: #152: Dead Astaire is actually quite appropriate for this story. The real Mr. Astaire married a women late in life young enough to be his granddaughter, jockey Robyn Smith.
@taig:
In truth it takes a decided backseat to making fun of Dustin.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: True. I really should have appended, “when she deigns to spend time with her father.”
MW: This is going to be another romance scam, obviously. I would add that H@rvey has an expression that yells “SCAM ME” except that someone here (Charterstoned?) pointed out that he looks a lot like Charlie Watts of the Rolling Stones. So now when I look at him, I feel a little sad, even knowing that by the end of this story, possibly in October, his face may haunt my nightmares.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: just released their Dagwood Bumstead sex robot.
___________
One button control,to satisfy all your nasty robosexual urges!
@The Rambling Otter: but he slurs his words so much.
____________
A plot point in the movie version of “Jumping Jack Flash.”
@The Rambling Otter: I’ve found that slurring of words makes speech difficult to understand, which is annoying. My problem is with the tone or pitch of a voice. Peter Noone’s voice has a weird tone, and also uses an exaggerated pronunciation in a weird accent, which makes it even worse.
The one that really drives me up a wall is Guy Fieri’s voice. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.
@Charterstone: Dune: I’ve read that, too. I think the others were even younger when they lost their virginity.
@Charterstone: Dune: @richardf8: If my memory is correct, Randy went off the deep end when Sophie was kidnapped – wasn’t that when he covered the wall with all the charts connected by pieces of yarn? I don’t think he’s done any judge stuff since then.
@Baja Gaijin:
This is why one should not attempt culinary arts while on LSD.
@GarrisonSkunk:
Speak English, Mick
@Baja Gaijin: Some fan of streaky blue cheese is about to be *extremely* disappointed
@Guillermo el chiclero: Did…did you just “Well, actually” my “Well, actually…”? Because if so, I deserved that.
@I speak Jive: Actually, it was Sam Driver who went crazy with the wall charts when Sophie was kidnapped. It’s an easy mistake to make, since everyone looks identical now.
@Baja Gaijin: “Courtesy Fruit Producers Council,” it says. Of course.
Fruit producer 1: “Man, the gooseberry surplus is getting bad. Prices are dropping like flies in a DDT cloud.”
Fruit producer 2: “Problem is the name. People associate the ‘goose’ part with a noisy, dirty and mean fowl. We’ve got to get their minds off the bird part.”
FP1: “How? I’ve never even seen a gooseberry.”
FP2: “We’ll come up with a recipe that also has pears in it. Everyone loves pears, right? So we’ll ‘pair’ (heh, see what I did there?) them together with some Jello-O and whatever to make it look good. Housewives will love it.”
Six months later
President of the Fruit Producers Council: “Bring me the heads of the two idiots who came up with this abomination!”
@81 Charterstoned: I wish I’d seen this comment before posting the Cuisine.
@Poteet: If Charterstone’s resident neckwear enthusiast has punched out Mick Jagger I’d love to hear about it.
@Spunky The Wonder Squid: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Sandwiches on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched pot roast Yankee in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like cheese in bread. Time to die.”
@158 I speak Jive: Maybe that was a thing in 1973–matching your desserts to your major appliances.
@160 taig: SNERK!
@168 Deadly Goon Bugs: That would explain a lot.
@170 CanuckDownSouth: Yuppers.
@Baja Gaijin: Even a hypoallergenic chicken from Brazil can’t save tonight’s LTC.
@Poteet: I suggested H@rvey looked like Peter O’Toole. Look up “Dean Spanley”—he’s a dead ringer.
@173 Dr. Pill: Surpringly, the Unexpected Surprise Ingredient isn’t Jell-O or olive slice eyes. It’s sliced bread. Really. Here’s the recipe:
@Rover Berkeley: Oh, you’re right. Thanks for the correction. I should have remembered that Sam, not Randy, is Sophie’s adoptive parent so would be the one investigating. However, everyone looks alike and acts alike, so…
@A Grave Mind: Depends on the range, your stance, and what kind of ammo you’re shooting. 5.56mm is pretty easy to control, especially if you’re leaning into the rifle. 7.62mm, on the other hand, not so much.
That having been said, semiauto is the way to go.
Did the Dude stop farting around Silver Nitrate?
@Baja Gaijin:
#180. Call me a fool, but id ask for a large slice. Gooseberries are tart and hard to find, but I loved them as a kid esp. in pie. But then I also like rhubarb pie, lime pie, and cranberry and apple pie. Paired with sweet fruit, this sounds amazing.
@184 Activist: What about the bloody pulp? I don’t know where it came from–nothing in the recipe looks like that.
@Baja Gaijin:
#185. I think that’s part of gooseberry sauce. My doubts are that 1/3 cup sugar is enough and that the mixture would gel without j-e-l-l-o. And the green squares are diced pears
@I speak Jive: There is an online reviewer Phelous.
He used to review horror movies, then gradually went to reviewing kids’ movies.
He was hilarious, but at the same time, his normal voice is very scratchy.
Yet he can imitate voices from the films he reviews very well.
I mean, heck, in his review of “Lion and the King” (which I mentioned the other day) the official dubbing of that movie was so terrible, that him voicing over the characters himself, even just for a few seconds, sounds not only superior but also syncs with the mouth movements better.
@Activist: And suddenly, I am yearning for a slice of strawberry-rhubarb pie.
Friday Judge Parker: I agree with you, guy offstage left – April’s witty dialogue is one of the worst things I’ve ever read
@Baja Gaijin: Looks like the main character, if suitably enlarged, in a Monty Python skit.
@Austria:
No prob! I’m just sad that I couldn’t think of a third name for him.