Surely a man so lavishly dressed has ample resources to survive this error
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Mary Worth, 3/23/26
One of my favorite books of the last 10 years is Because Internet, which focuses on how the internet has changed language use but has a lot to say about online culture in general. An insight from the book that I think about a lot is that there are identifiable “generations” of internet users that are determined by when people first got online and don’t necessarily map onto people’s calendar ages. A lot of Gen Xers and elder Millennials first got online in college in the 1990s, for instance, while their boomer parents might not have gained extensive experience with the internet for another 10 or 15 years.
One of the biggest internet generational divides in my opinion is whether you consider the computer or the phone to be your primary device, and one way I think it shows up is how you prefer to make large payments. Speaking as a fiftysomething, I’m fine with using Venmo to split a restaurant bill, but am constantly amazed and a little discomfited by contractors who want me to use Zelle to send them four-figure sums of money — I should be sitting down in front of a real physical keyboard to do that! Now, these are mostly young people, of course, but clearly Harvey is one of those older guys who worked in some high-compensation, ascot-forward industry and was able to coast to retirement with his personal assistant taking care of all the computer stuff, only truly getting online in his dotage, with zero defenses built up. So why shouldn’t he send two hundred thousand American dollars to Trixie by tapping on the screen of his Samsung Galaxy S22 phone? After all, that’s the very device on which he met her in the first place, and the Vanguard app makes it so easy!
Dennis the Menace, 3/23/26
OK, sure, in real life we know that this is an example of the syndicate colorist just charging in with the paint fill tool without actually reading the caption, but I’d like to think that Dennis’s grandpa is sitting there watching some revisionist post-1975 Western in color and absolutely seething about it. That’s why Dennis is telling Gina this: because he knows if she makes the mistake of asking the old man what he’s watching, she’ll get an earful about how he doesn’t tune into a cowboy movie for a bunch of moral ambiguity or whatever.
Slylock Fox, 3/23/26
I know that this multispecies society of sapient animals is still finding its footing, and maybe they haven’t gotten their education system really organized yet, but the fact that Kolton Kangaroo is so ignorant of marsupial reproductive biology is frankly embarrassing. Honestly if he doesn’t understand how capable of movement his own child is, he deserves to be a victim of whatever kind of scam Shady is pulling on him here.
Beetle Bailey, 3/23/26
Here’s today’s Beetle Bailey! It’s about how the title character was having a pretty good day … until his commanding officer showed up to beat the shit out of him. Honestly a surprising number of Beetle Bailey strips are about this!
64 replies to “Surely a man so lavishly dressed has ample resources to survive this error”
Slylock Fox:
Not sure about the answer, but I’m a lot more interested in the duck bowler who dominates the lanes in Forestville because his large feet plant so securely in the lane: Dick Webber.
Is it me, or is that cowboy apologizing to his horse? Or telling him “Buck up, you’ll pass the Bar Exam next time, pard’ner?”
Really, Kolton, absentee dad, much? Your kid is totally gonna resent you years later for all the crappy dinners at Subway, you know. And a Cash Only snack bar? This bowling alley is LEANING into that 1987 vibe, no?
Typical dude. Slept through high school sex ed or spent the whole time cracking lewd jokes, and now he has zero idea how reproduction works. Can pregnant women take baths without drowning the baby? Does food that Mommy eats land on the head of the child in the womb? Hello, I’m a kangaroo and I think my wife’s hiding a toddler in her pouch three seconds after it’s born! Don’t show any more of your ass, Kolton. Public ridicule won’t help your bowling game.
Beetle is practically poetic today.
“The year’s at the spring,
And day’s at the morn;
Morning’s at seven;
The hill-side’s dew-pearl’d;
The lark’s on the wing;
The snail’s on the thorn;
God’s in His heaven,
All’s right with the world!”
Robert Browning, 1841
“Rough wind, that moanest loud
Grief too sad for song;
Wild wind, when sullen cloud
Knells all the night long;
Sad storm whose tears are vain,
Bare woods, whose branches strain,
Deep caves and dreary main,—
Wail, for the world’s wrong!”
Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1824
As Hervey here enjoys his supper of poi, I’m wondering the odds of his would-be still life centerpiece there containing actual fruit. It’s zero, right?
DtM: I never thought of it, but I guess black & white precludes moral ambiguity. Except film noir, but I don’t think Cowboy Bob dipped his toes much into that.
Speaking as a former grunt, Beetle’s first panel thoughts have ZERO grounding in reality, any morning.
My new favorite Slylock Fox character is the Cash-Only Shoe-Billed Stork. Fuck off, Max!
DtM: Dennis and Gina are waiting for the moment Grandpa falls asleep with that steaming cup of coffee in his hand. “Okay, his eyes are closed. Any second now…”
Another thing about the size of a grape is a shrew. If Slylock had any compassion, he’d stop Shady from being crushed by a bowling ball 200 times his size. But he’d rather spend his time watching Max reenact Pizza Rat.
DtM:
“Grandpa prefers to watch the equine classic ‘Black Beauty,’ Gina — but that’s a horse of a different color!”
MW: If those ripe bananas on his table are any indication, Harv probably realizes he doesn’t have much longer to live, anyway, and wouldn’t have time to spend that $200K, so what the heck?
DtM:
Next to the table lamp in A Christmas Story, that is quite possibly the ugliest lamp I have ever seen.
“My grandpa prefers his movies in black and white, it makes him feel younger. Back in his youth, he campaigned against Ted Turner’s colorisation of Casablanca”
MW:
“Let’s see if I can scrounge up $200,000 really quickly. Hey! — readership out there! If you don’t cough up 200K for me right this instant, Wilbur Weston will appear in this strip when I push this button on my phone!”
Beetle Bailey is a good introduction to basic storytelling, like setting the stage and establishing a conflict: “Everything was fine… until it wasn’t!” Unfortunately, two panels is not enough to cover the Hero’s Journey
Mary Worth: Lord Ascot seems to be eating a bowl of stewed prunes in preparation for sending 200 large to what he thinks is his stewed prune. (This joke only works if you’ve studied Shakespeare.)
GT: Very considerate of Inma to break Keri’s arm so that it matches her heart.
JP: Where’s Charlotte? She’s with friends! You could just say, “She’s with friends,” which is true! You don’t have to go into the whole backstory of which friends, and why, and for how long. Just say, “She’s with friends.” Or, get this, you could say, “None of your business, Bodgan, if that is your real name! How ’bout you tell us how to get in touch with Randy and we’ll tell him all about Charlotte?” I swear, 20 years of reading this strip and the characters somehow just keep getting dumber and dumber. I guess you can call that a kind of craft.
SlyFox: I like that the sum total of Shady’s “scam” here is that he wants to win the tournament. It’s almost wholesome.
How much work does the Curmudgeonquarters need?
DtM:
“Grandpa remembers this film as being black-and-white — so, thanks to Ted Turner, he’s experiencing cognitive dissonance, Gina!”
“Why are you telling me this, Dennis?”
“Well, Gina, the reason is that the most famous colour Westerns are the Spaghetti Westerns and my Grandfather does not want to associate with Italians. I’m hinting that you should leave”
SF: Kolton’s Fred Flintstone bowling ball bag is something close to a religious relic. The Flintstones was one of the few human broadcasts to survive the Animalpocalypse, and the animals believe that its depictions of humans enslaving animals to work as cameras and back massagers and whatnot are real historical facts. Of course, turnabout is fair play, and below that bowling alley, a small army of the surviving humans are running balls back to the return, and re-setting the pins, and grumbling “Eh, it’s a livin’!”
Pluggers fill out their tournament brackets after 52 of the 67 games have already been played. No wonder they always win.
Luann: The overarching theme in Luann seems to be “if you’re a young adult, don’t try to date anyone, ever.” Because if you do, you’ll be publicly humiliated over whatever minor misdeed you committed. Such as a tiny omission on your dating profile, lying on an in-class career paths personality quiz, or making out in a car with your partner of several months.
Dustin’s dad is confused by the word “fun.”
The Fred Flintstone bowling bag indicates that the artist of Slylock Fox longs for the anarchy of the Animalapocalypse and the end of all human laws, including copyright laws
Dennis the Menace: Making fun of your grandfather’s wish to go back to the days before he acquired cerebral achromatopsia from a stroke and only the movies were in black and white, not the entire world? Very menacing. (Joke’s on Dennis: Grandpa doesn’t have prosopagnosia as a comorbidity, he just refuses to remember the little shit’s face.)
@nescio: And note Kolton’s “Fred Flintstone” bowling ball carrier (I am NOT calling it a bag). Lots of subtlties in the drawing.
Dennis the Menace; Grandpa is watching Brokeback Mountain and realizes that he’s been repressing his own homosexuality until now.
JP: The Parkers showing all the social graces of a feral hog can’t be bothered to offer Randy’s messenger even a cup of coffee. What an assemblage of damaged people.
Is anyone having problems posting comments? I have tried posting two different comments, I click “Post comment”, but nothing appears, not even going into limbo. I have tried different devices and different browsers, but comments are not published. I had the same problems some days ago. Today I managed to post some other comments, so the problem is the specific combination of words I am posting, although even if I modify some words, the comment is not published anyway
Meanwhile, Slylock strikes a coquettish pose beneath the “Let’s Bowl!” sign. Because he recognizes that every petty proto-crime is a photo op.
MW: Looks like Hart needs his own spinal fusion for that kyphosis.
JP: Great work, Ann. Now Bogdan’s going to terrorize every school bus in the tri-state area.
RMMD: Who is Simon and why is this person now drawing the strip? Mae’s eyes look like they’re sliding down her face.
@Bob Tice: What about the demon lamp from Amityville IV?
JP: “Charlotte’s on a school trip, uh…in Canada.”
The Phantom: “The good old days when I was just a young maverick in the Jungle Patrol, a man who got things done by cutting corners and bucking authority, and sometimes driving suspects back to headquarters chained to the hood of my vehicle.”
Crankshaft: Not seen, in the same diner, Batton and his interviewer are at a booth while he’s on day five of going on and on about how he settled on his preferred type of pen for comics.
For decades, one of Dennis Mitchell’s signature traits was his obsession with cowboy movies. Numerous strips and comic books featured his trips to the cinema. He idolized an actor called “Cowboy Bob.” When he wasn’t in his standard red overall/striped shirt combo, he dressed like a cowboy.
DtM started in the 1950s. If time passed normally in this strip, “Dennis” would be the granddad on the couch, and idk, Dennis Mitchell III would be dressed like… hmm. Take it back 15 years, and I’d say “Thanos.” Who is it today? Should Dennis be dressed like Markiplier?
I’m beginning to think the root of Marvin’s defecatory issues might be the black pudding his parents serve him for dinner.
I would say the two (¿)building(?) (¿)parallel walls(?) on the left abruptly disappearing are more concerning than whatever Sarge is going to do to Cockroach. Is it aliens? Do the aliens have a disappearing ray?
The man is eating purple soup. It’s probably for the best that he gives his money to a scammer who can use it.
***
Dennis is 5 years old. His parents are most likely the world’s least hip Millennials. His grandfather could be in the older side of Gen X, but he’s probably a younger Boomer. When he was going to the movies Wh they would have been in colour, though he may have had a black and white television at home when he was Dennis’ age. So he’s just being weird and they should bring back Funky Winkerbean so he has somewhere to fit in with other weirdos who are nostalgic for things they shouldn’t be nostalgic for.
***
Cash only? In 2026? No wonder bowling alleys are closing down.
SFx – I’ve got to wonder why Shady Shrew has adopted the hillbilly vernacular to get a kangaroo to come with him. Maybe while researching his scam, he discovered that Kolton is a big fan of Snuffy Smith. That’s some real 3-D chess you’re playing there, Shady.
Slylock Fox-In a world where cartoon animals walk and talk and wear clothes we still must have logic.
RMMD-Think of your former agent. Don’t they want to know that you are still alive?
FC-This description could apply to something else.
MW: Transaction denied! Insufficient Funds!
H____y dodges a bullet when recent dips in the market drop his balance below 200K.
@Ettorre: Not every word that gets caught up in the filter is obvious so I’ve been caught up in it before. You can try reaching out to Josh.
I recognize that education funding had to be cut to pay for Princess Pussycat’s new crown, but cutting sex ed in an environment where one might need to know the sexual mores, prowess, abilities, and cycle of hundreds of mammals and reptiles just to find a mate was unwise. Hell, even Pluggers fund interspecies sex ed!
CS – For today’s strip, we’ve replaced Batiuk’s avatar talking about drawing comic strips with Crankshaft making a stupid malaprop. Let’s see if anyone notices or cares… nope.
The Familliar Mucus: Thel offers Jeffy an ungrounded electric tooth / scrub brush with running water in the sink? Big Jeffy is trolling us again, isnt he?
BB: And we’ll keep getting these strips till Sarge finally kills Beetle. Only then will we know peace.
SF: What Shylock should really be concerned with is being the target for every bowling ball in the alley. I would not have guessed Shady Shrew would be the villain clever enough to kill Shylock, but, hey, painting an arrow at him with a “Let’s Bowl” message might work here.
HtH: I’m no big expert on horses and carts, but I don’t think that horses and carts have a “reverse” gear.
DT: “We have reports of three men in business suits driving an open dune buggy on back roads a half mile east of the prison, but nah….that’s normal.”
Dennis Minus Menace: They colorized Mel Mare’s Grandma! Menace level through the roof!
Beetle:
As a non-com, Sarge is not Beetle’s “commanding officer,” he merely outranks Beetle.
MW: See, this is why the luxury market is so lucrative. Sure, you can cast a much wider net by pretending to be, say, a sad Palestinian child with a GoFundMe on social media, but most of your dupes will only be able to drop twenty, maybe fifty dollars. The demographic of ascot-wearing widowers looking for romance is much smaller, but also will gladly spend $200k in one go for the kind of high-quality, personalized scamming they can’t get anywhere else.
SFx: Kolton talks that way not because he’s Australian, but because he’s been inducted into the mystery cult of Styvehrvyn, Seeker of the Great Reptiles, an ancient philosopher and martyr whose worshipers believe passed from human to animal form in a sacrificial rite involving a stingray. “Crikey!” is the opening of one of the few fragmented prayers that have disseminated outside the mostly closed ceremonies of the sect.
Beetle – Didja ever notice that if you stare at the three freckles on Beetle’s face long enough, you can see them as two eyes and a nose? Yeah, that went all wrong fast.
Sex Organ, V.D.: “Hand over that portable coffeemaker, Fergus! I don’t care how famous you are! Rules are rules! NO PERSONAL BREWING AT THE TABLE! WAIT FOR YOUR JOE LIKE ALL THE OTHER LOSERS!”
DtM: Nice to see Grandpa isn’t one of those “You could never make Blazing Saddles today!” old white guys, but really, all he wants is to say That Word because it’s in the movie.
Pluggers want to know why there’s a hole in the bottom of the peach basket.
Luann:
Tara: “On belay?”
Les: “Uh, sure!”
(Ten seconds later…)
WHUMP!
H&L: Lois must be desperate for spring if she considers cawing crows songbirds.
OK, I’m gonna be real interested in which word in my last post hit the filter.
Kolton Kangaroo deserves to lose the tournament for spelling his kid’s name “Daymion.” Doesn’t even have the excuse of alliteration.
Unfortunately 1962’s B/W “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance” starring prototypical cowboy stars Jimmy Stewart and John Wayne is absolutely neck deep in philosophical musings and ambiguity. Sorry Pop-pop Mitchell!
It’s about 50x better than “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” too.
@Voshkod: Did you perchance use the name of the character depicted in today’s Mary Worth?
@matt w: I did, and I forgot that was an issue. Phew. I was worried that the word ‘demarche’ meant something sexual.
GA: it’s Week 3 of “Walt Wallet: Asleep in church or on the Highway to Hell?”
As one astute GoComics commentator points out, Scancarelli is not using the “puffy clouds” surrounding the panels of Walt and Demon Frank Nelson.
Does that mean it’s no longer a dream?
Beat Up Bailey: A rare instance where our Fearless Leader Josh got it all wrong! Sarge is P.O.ed that Beatle tried to and failed to frag him over the shoulder with his rifle-rake, getting Camp Swampy in trouble with the Federal bird huggers, killing that endangered Note Bird that actually produces musical notes with its song.
RMMD: “I know you’re new at this but knife, fork, napkins, salt, pepper, and a placemat –uh, at least, five out of six –would be a big help.”
C’shaft: It’s official, he’s doing this on purpose. He’s got the menu in his hands, he can see the word “bisque,” and even if he’s not familiar with it would be more likely to pronounce it like “bis-kay” or something rather than “biscuit.” He’s going out of his way to confuse and annoy people which, frankly, we should have suspected all along.
Dustin: It’s funny because Dustdad is incapable of understanding opinions and interests beyond his own, a hallmark of his narcissistic sociopathy.
JP: You’d think by now Katherine would be a little more leery of big Russian guys who show up at random and demand information about her family’s whereabouts.
Luann: I am the last person to suggest anyone should use LLMs for any kind of research, but hell, even someone with enough sense to type “what do I wear to go rock climbing?” into ChatGPT is one up on Les here.
Shy Fox: Obviously Max can’t read, since he’s trying to use his debit card
Well, Blondie hauled that chair back into the living room to again face away from Dag and the TV set. I think she’s sending a not-too-subtle passive-aggressive message here. Also, didn’t she start the spring cleaning yesterday? What twisted game is the woman playing here???