Fast Friday
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Beetle Bailey, 6/12/26
Whoa, looks like America’s foremost military-themed comic strip is going to take on the extremely current and relevant topic of women in the military! Anyway, a woman shouldn’t be in the military, because what if a guy hits on her in the middle of combat, and then she murders him with the gun that they give you before they send you into combat.
Family Circus, 6/12/26
I do enjoy the cold, calculating way in which Grandma is regarding Dolly here. “Oh, I could tell her the exact date and time when she’ll pass away, of course. I know it. I know it well. But I won’t tell yet. I’ll wait until she really displeases me.”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/12/26
OH, DO YOU THINK REX MORGAN, M.D., IS BORING? WELL, WOULD ALL THIS WACKY STUFF HAPPEN TO A NON-MAIN CHARACTER IN A BORING COMIC STRIP???
34 replies to “Fast Friday”
Mary Worth Mashup: What does Mary have to say about this little tableaux?
Family Circus:
“666, Sweetie!”
FC: “Well, number two comes to mind.”
Beetle Bailey:
Good to see that Ki ller Diller is sticking to his guns.
BB – A new reality series – Love (Kharg) Island….
FC – Gramdma’s a barrel of laughs…
RMMD – Ripped from the headlines – idiot lands on his feet….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RMMD:
Ol’ Truck is sure rocking some Dupuytren’s Contracture in today’s first panel. Rex had better check that out.
Family Circus:
“Grandma, how come you look exactly like Daddy, only with a different haircut?”
@Baja Gaijin:
It’ll be even more annoying if they settle whatever the hell they’re doing with their conversation and this story ends with no Mistress Mary Meddle.
RMMD:
Well, there’s quicksand in the jungle
And sugar on a spoon
But I’ll never see, for the life of me,
More hair in a cartoon!
BB: I like the scare quotes on ‘ “work” ‘. Does Killer not see killing as work because he’s in it for the love of the game? Or does he just think that a silly little woman like her is just there as an affirmative action case? Because I’ll just note that of the two of them, she’s the only one actually firing the gun.
Family Circus: By bursting in and ominously declaring “Your days are numbered”, Grandma Keane wanted to destroy her family psychologically through paranoia. But what she didn’t account for is that they’re also very stupid.
BB Is “work” in quotes because Killer considers this pleasure? Suddenly his expression in that last panel seems kinda ominous.
FC Did Grandma just get back from a funeral? “God I wish it had been me..”
FC: Why is Dolly pointing at her Grandma’s knee? Does she think that will be the first to go?
There’s no excuse for sexual harassment, but it’s the expected result of letting Killer see your tongue.
@Schroduck:
On Beetle Bailey : I think Killer Diller is putting scare quotes around “work” because he’s of the mentality that if it isn’t office work in the private sector, it isn’t a “real job”.
Speaking of that mentality :
Dustin : You know, this is one of those times where the bit actually makes sense? Like, this time the girl only rejected Dustin AFTER he opened his mouth, and to say some of the dumbest shit possible to boot!
B. Bailey: An Army Major friend of mine who saw active combat in Iraq told me he didn’t care about gays in the military because he could squash any distraction through sheer “strength of will” —his words, but he was against women on the front lines because men were too emotionally unreliable in the presence of “girls” under fire.
Just saying this might be the most militarily realistic Beetle Bailey ever.
RMMD: Beatty, do you honestly expect me to believe that if Truck Tyler of all people were to list out the nonsense of Mud’s life, he would neglect to mention the time Mud pretended to shit his pants on stage to move from opening act to headliner? We all know Truck still seethes over that every night, hating both Mud and himself for lacking the shamelessness required to make it in the roots country business.
MW: “If you know you want to stay clean, then you will!” Apparently what Dawn wants is to turn into one of the pig-faced people from the classic Twilight Zone episode “Eye of the Beholder.” She’s well on her way.
Beetle Bailey, the art : why are they holding their rifles by the trigger guard instead of holding them by the grip?
Having done some research (typed “army rifle shooting drill” into a search engine), the way they are holding their rifles may be the most realistic thing ever depicted in Beetle Bailey. This disturbs me.
BB: Oh, what are those merry military misogynists up to now? It just never gets old!
@Anonymous: Oh wow, cross-snark! I was looking at their other hands, supporting the barrels.
@Anonymous: I think the current art team know as much about the military as the team at Gil Thorp know about whatever sport they’re currently bumbling through.
Beetle Bailey:
Forget it, Killer. There is no “after work” in your future: once your unit has lost this battle against the alien invaders and the few remaining human survivors have been enslaved, you’ll be sent to toil in the caesium mines on Grenulex Prime. Don’t lose all hope, though, maybe you’ll be put in a captive breeding program!
Family Circus:
So, how do you think this played out? Grandma running from room to room, bellowing “Our days are numbered! We’re all gonna die!” at the top of her lungs, or wandering the house semi-comatose and muttering it under her breath? Trick question: she actually enters the bedrooms of each of her grandchildren in the dead of night and whispers it in their ear while they’re frozen with sleep paralysis.
FC-Today’s lotto numbers are….!
RMMD-And John C. Reilly is playing Mud in his biopic.
MW-Tommy was somebody’s girlfriend in jail.
The most realistic thing in the comics today is how both Gil Thorp and Pearls Before Swine have The Olds using “6-7” when the kids have moved on (except maybe the “babies” are still doing it in K-2 according to mine)
MW You can do it because you want to, which is why society has no need for a bajillion different programs and supports for weight loss, smoking cessation, and substance abuse!
Luann Yup, she’ll sleep like a babe – getting to slumberland with enormous difficulty, waking every couple of hours…
BB: The lack of smoke or muzzle flash from their weapon leads me to think they didn’t give ‘duh gorl’ any ammunition and she’s having to make those ‘rat tat tat’ sounds herself.
JP: ‘Travel across Europe? On what, pasty face? You got fired when you dumped the boss’ kid, and going back to that $%&!-ing coffee house day after day to moon over that fugly barista wasn’t cheap! I SAVED my money, you can go running back to your little dog and pony show!’
Luann: Love how Phil is so secure in his relationship he included his mugshot so Luann ‘Goldfish’ DeGroot wouldn’t forget what he looks like.
DT: Yeah yeah, monologuing, final battle, cops come to clean up the mess. SEEN IT!!!!
@Vulpes: re:FC – well, I don’t think we’re allowed to have anything *that* amusing so most likely grannie is working on embroidering a cross-stitch with some verse from the Psalms and reading it out
Okay, I’d watch a movie titled KILLER OR BE KILLED. Couldn’t be any worse than Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill!, unless it was animated by the same team that draws Beetle Bailey.
@CanuckDownSouth: That would be Psalm 90:10, to be precise (KJV or GTFO).
@CanuckDownSouth: Ah, but this is Mary Worth. Remember that time when some character had been traumatized, and Mary’s advice amounted to “pretend it never happened”? We all had great fun riffing on Mary’s “just have a psychotic break with reality” technique, but it’s basically the same as Dawn’s “just want it”.
(By the way, if you do remember that episode, could you share the details? The riffing on Mary’s bad advice stuck with me, but not the character’s name or what had happened.)
The Family Circus: “Oh gracious no, child. I was talking about Days of Our Lives. They’re up to S1.E15405, according to IMDB.”
I read today’s Family Circus as “How much time do you have left on Earth, old woman?” If my interpretation is correct, then Dolly the Menace will be a very successful comic.
Rex Morgan, MD: “Welcome to Plot Synopsis, the Animated Series…”
Rex Morgan, M.D.: Today’s strip is doing nothing to convince me that the so-called main characters have not been written out of their own strip, or that Mud Murphy is not a thinly-disguised caricature of Sturgill Simpson, for that matter.
@Ken: The past only exists by how you remember it!