Dawn Weston: Sadhorny Chronicles
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Six Chix, 8/16/26
The Wednesday Chik has not given up on her mission to educate comics readers on the true nature of the afterlife, which is that everyone there is horny as all get-out. Your soul, after you ascend from this plane of base matter, will still want to fuck, and specifically will want to fuck Simon, known as Cephas or Peter, who holds the keys of the kingdom of heaven, so that whatever he binds on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever he looses on earth will be loosed in heaven. He’ll be wearing sunglasses for whatever reason.
Mary Worth, 8/16/26
Oh, uh, I guess despite Dawn’s cheery demeanor earlier this week, she has in fact fallen for Tommy’s roguish charms, and not just in a platonic way, I’m talking about the fact that she wants to bone him, and now she’s sad that Brandy, his long-term girlfriend who he never broke up with, is back in the picture, as symbolized by the dramatic single tear she’s dropping in the final panel. I guess we shouldn’t find this surprising, and in fact should be encouraged that she actually was able to hold it together emotionally for the length of this conversation.
Dennis the Menace, 8/16/26
I love that Dennis is just kind of silently lurking on the edges of this conversation, enjoying a juice box. “Seems like Mrs. Wilson is doing plenty of menacing at Mr. Wilson,” he’s thinking. “I’ll stick around just in case I need to jump in, but it looks like she’s got it handled for today.”
42 replies to “Dawn Weston: Sadhorny Chronicles”
Mary Worth Mashup: Do you have a better New Final Panel speech bubble content?
Lockhorns: Loretta, if you could wear anything other than the “Short and Dumpy Collection” at Kohls, Leroy wouldn’t dance with tall willowy buxom babes at parties. How does a troll like him manage that?
MW:
“See this glazed look in my eyes that you observe in the third-to-last panel, Brandy? — that’s how your pal Tommy looked when I first met him. Just sayin’.”
MW:
“The first surprise for him, of course, was that I’d spent 120 consecutive eight-hour days in a tanning salon!”
Six Chix:
Is that St. Peter going as Rick Rubin for Halloween?
6C: I don’t believe Stevie Wonder stands at the gates of Heaven, but maybe that’s just because I’m not very superstitious, when you believe in things that you don’t understand (which is 80% of Six Chix punchlines).
6Chunxs: St. Pete knows making a first impression is important, especially when everyone is literally dying to meet that big-shot nepo-baby Jesus. And don’t get me STARTED on those show-off Thrones and Cherubim! Who does the very first Apostle have to choke to get some recognition around here?
There is a way to make Dawn and everyone happy, but is Mary hip enough to suggest a polycule?
MW:
“In the ‘toon the women come and go
Talking of Brandy’s tan below.”
— T. S. Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” (adapted)
@Bob Tice: I thought it looked like Bleeding Gums Murphy was sitting in for the Pearly Gatekeeper gig.
Mary Worth: So she was a) lying to herself all this time, and b) will now spend the next several weeks suffering the pain of romantic rejection. Congratulations, Dawn, you’re finally a real Weston!
Dennis the Menace: A long-married couple spend all day passive-aggressively insulting each other, and sometimes bring their unwilling and uncomfortable acquaintances into it? The Wilsons turned into the Lockhorns so slowly, we didn’t even notice.
Mark Trail: “Guess what? If you have bats in your house, it’s your fault for participating in modern civilization! Also, you’re not allowed to get rid of them. Maybe they’ll leave on their own eventually, who knows? Anyway, here’s a dumb pun — ‘batty,’ get it? And now you can get back to your terrifying, possibly rabid flying rodents.”
Usually comics depict younger people acting like old boomers (Dagwood and Dennis being interested in cowboys movies instead of superheroes), but this is the first time I have seen an old woman like Martha acting like a Millennial or Zoomer (“how dare you police my emotional state”). Therapy speak is really everywhere!
RMMD:
You know how in high school algebra, you would graph y = x squared? — here’s betting that the tips of the parabolic curve meet at the top of Rene’s fellow inmate’s hair.
Not a juice box that Dennis is sucking on there, it’s cylindrical. Some kind of sippy cup? Did his mother slip in his behavior medication in there and now he’s getting sleepy? It’s good to know George Wilson would still be a miserable asshole even if Dennis was perfectly behaved, it’s what he is.
MW: Anyone else think that in panel 4, Dawn has Belle Batsfrey eyes?
S’ok Dawn, I doubt this was your last chance to ride the Tommy Train.
MW-What!? This can’t be. We were told Brandy was leaving and never coming back.
SXCHX: If you call someone a devil in Heaven, do they still let you stay?
MW: I really want to know what Brandy’s “answers” were. I’m hoping for some sort of Florida-based Vodou that can be unleashed on Wilbur.
DtM: If Dennis has been exposed to one lesson in life, it’s that Mr Wilson is not deserving of any respect from anyone, even.
RMMD: I see some “Scared Straight” coming.
@Ken: my immediate thought. We are witnessing Dawn’s transformation, in which she will eventually invite Brandy to try her “special tea” and perhaps a lovely wild mushroom risotto. Will Brandy be saved when we learn Dawn has an unmentioned brother who looks oddly like Tommy?
Tommy sure has a lot of time off from his job at Freda’s Market. Judging from the fourth panel, he is definitely thinking about a Tommy sandwich. Hiking, beach, cafes, illicit drug acquisition, Freda’s must pay well too.
6C: Far be it from me to suggest redrawing a comic strip, but wouldn’t it make more internal sense if the two “dearly departed” ladies were standing in the fiery depths of Tartarus, and the white-haired gal was making the exact same statement here about a good-looking Lucifer who’s also wearing sunglasses?
C’Shaft: Yesiree, calling back to the riveting “Ed runs over his phone with a mower” arc from two weeks ago is guaranteed to bring fond memories to your readership. It’s like those retrospective episodes of “Family Ties.”
By the by, Cranky’s cellphone conflagration was witnessed by Ed himself, his daughter and Lillian, none of whom had (working) phones on them at the time. Who took the picture, and how did Skip Rawlings at the Sentinel hear about it? More importantly, why did he think it was front page news? How much of his two-year-long Batton Thomas interview did he have to bump for this breaking “human interest” story?
6C: I’m pretty sure that’s Black Santa Claus and all the white stuff surrounding him is snow. He’s got an open marriage and Mrs Black Santa Claus has brought in this other woman for a three-way.
6Cx: She might be hoping to be “bound in heaven,” but I’m not sure Peter’s into that.
RMMD: I’m detecting more than a hint of sociopathy in non-driving twin’s “I can’t make sense of it.” Or at least, I can see how it wouldn’t make sense to someone who (1) didn’t think of the Morgans as people, (2) thought they were more clever than everyone at the FBI put together, and (3) didn’t understand why Uncle Jimmy would care about them.
@Gil Bates:
Yep. The gatekeeper looks a touch like Hulk Hogan, too.
Mary Worth:
Brandy — “I finally found the answers I was seeking about my family’s dark secrets and my entire personal history!”
Tommy — “That’s great, babe. Oh, look, it’s Dawn! Do you want to join us, Dawn?”
Brandy — “Wait… This was the most important trip of my life! Aren’t you the least bit interested in hearing about what I learned?”
Tommy — “Sure, babe. That’s great, babe!”
Brandy — “It’s almost as if no one in this strip has any interest in anyone else’s lives — unless it’s Mary snooping around about what’s making one of the Westons unhappy in any given week. But the rest of us have needs too, you know!”
Tommy — “Sure, babe. That’s great, babe!”
6C: The other woman definitely thinks that she’s in Hell.
RMMD:
“I heeded Yogi Berra’s admonition ‘When you come to a fork in the road, take it,’ and that’s how I ended up in the slammer here for grand theft cutlery!”
MW: Okay, it’s not nearly as bad, but does anyone else see some unfortunate parallels between Brandy running off for an indefinite period of time with little explanation and not letting Tommy know anything until she popped back up in Santa Royale, and Wilbur failing to tell anyone that he was still alive after he fell off the cruise ship until he got back to Santa Royale, each with the intention of “surprising” people?
(Of course, it would help if we knew how long Brandy was actually gone. For us, this has been going on for months, but in comic strip time it could have been just a week or two.)
Yeah, I was thinking exactly that…fails to use modern communication, stages a stupid surprise, a true idiot plot.@Tom:
MT This Is Not Snark – if you have bats in your home (and don’t live in a rabies-free country like the UK), please please please follow the health guidance about avoiding contact, assume anyone who wakes up with a bat in the room has been bitten (also any young children, vulnerable adults, etc), and that touch = bite even if you see no mark. Follow safe no-contact methods to get an apparently healthy did-not-contact out of your living space or to trap a suspicious one for testing. Get the rabies shots if there’s any reason to think there was contact and the bat can’t be trapped and tested.
Also, there may be forbidden _methods_ (like poison) or it may be _inadvisable_ to exclude adult bats with babies trapped to die, but you can remove bats from your home in the USA.
I know there are vanishingly few people getting life advice from the comics, but I expected better from Sunday Trail
“At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven”. Well, it says nothing about no strings sex!
@Tom: As I figured yesterday, _clearly_ Brandy was under a no-communication clause while working to break a curse on family in Florida, and her reward included instant return to her life in Santa Royale so she couldn’t even text Tommy about her return plans as she headed to a flight back.
Credit where due to June Brigman: panel 2 of row 2 is a great rendition of Dawn as the Overly Attached Girlfriend advice animal.
@Tom: We briefly discussed the timing a couple days ago (part of a “how long will this living hell last” conversation). There was general agreement that the quote-unquote “action” would have only taken a couple weeks, if that. However… The Charterstone Supplemental Nutrition Garden Plot also went from construction to producing zucchini, and despite the prolific jokes about prolific zucchini, it does take two months to get going (after which the jokes kick in).
TL;DR Brandy didn’t call Tommy for at least two months.
Dennis the Menace:
As a chronically anxious person, I understand all too well that the mind will often go to incredible lengths to find something to worry about, justified or not. So what was Martha agonizing over before George’s low-effort remark prompted this prodigious display of sarcasm? They’re pretty old, so probably the fear od death, right? Martha is worried that after their rapidly-approaching demise there’s nothing, nonexistence, oblivion, and that thought absolutely terrifies her. No wonder George’s advice didn’t help! George, of course, has no fear of death, because he figures anything is preferable to that fucking Mitchell kid.
MW:
“My mind may be American but my heart is (Santa) Royalist.”
— T. S. Eliot
Six Chix:
A lot of weird stuff going on in this strip even if you ignore the horniness. There’s Peter’s sunglasses, of course (well, it gets pretty bright above the clouds, not to mention the divine brilliance of the beatific vision), and the fact that the Pearly Gates aren’t part of a fence or wall or anything. But don’t overlook the glass of wine on Peter’s podium. Saints are renowned for their patience, but I don’t blame him for needing a drink when he has to deal with literally everyone.
It’s a pity Dawn is composed enough to hide her disappointment. It would have been a great thing for Tommy to report to Iris. “Mom, I think I broke the heart of the Weston girl!” “Tommy, since the day you were born, this is the first time you have made me proud!”
@Baja Gaijin: No need for a new panel. Just use that third-to-last one with Dawn laughing maniacally and holding a huge knife.
Also, I admit defeat. I guess that really is CIApril over in Judge Parker, not a fake. I guess I’m taking two spoonfuls of the white glop on toast from yesterday…
RMMD: Maybe you could get a rogue CIA agent to come and blast her way into the prison and brutally knife-murder everyone inside? I hear one’s just got back to the States!
@J.J. O’Malley: Re: 6C – If COTW includes “most insightful” as well as “funniest,” yours should be a shoe-in.
Six Chix: She could have called him a “handsome dude” or a “fine specimen” or a “stud muffin.” With this limited vocabulary, I expect “eternity” is going to be more like a half hour for this woman.
Mary Worth: I think what Dawn needs is some drunk karaoke and shirt noodles to ease her suffering.