tzzzzz FARRRRRSH! AAAAHH– !!
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Dick Tracy, 8/30/26
I had kind of lost interest in this Dick Tracy computer hacker storyline, mostly because both the ways in which it got computer stuff right and the ways in which it got it wrong were fundamentally boring. But today? When one of Widescreen’s gang members tries to quit and demands to get what he’s owed, and Widescreen gives him a USB drive shaped like the Space Shuttle, which I guess we’re supposed to understand the implication is that it has crypto on it or something, so the henchman goes online via a coffee shop’s public Wi-Fi network and plugs that USB drive into his laptop like any savvy hacker would, and then the laptop explodes in such a way that henchman himself is immediately engulfed in flames and dies in agony? Well, that’s extremely not how computers work, but it’s also pretty exciting, so I’ll allow it.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/30/26
So, yes, Grimm’s liminal position between human and animal is extremely discomfiting to think about. But on the other hand, it allows him to talk to cars and know their True Names, so who’s to say if it’s good or bad?
Mary Worth, 8/30/26
Extremely sinister that the inspirational quote about self-respect and being a role model in today’s strip comes from notorious steroid abuser Barry Bonds. Are we meant to understand that Mary is, in some way, juicing? Is she using performance-enhancing drugs to improve her level of meddle? Truly disturbing.
168 replies to “tzzzzz FARRRRRSH! AAAAHH– !!”
Mary Worth Mashup: This is what really happened in The Bum Boat.
DT Expendable Henchman was sufficiently suspicious to question just what was on the drive, but not enough to refuse the offer of the “burner” laptop a couple of days ago. Which leads to the question about whether the writers think you can make a program that turns any computer into a bomb, or whether Widescreen was relying on Henchman making this request and then using a device that somehow can still emulate a desktop while the whole thing including the fireworks-starting screen is built of explosives.
Mary Worth:
“Don’t you know that I danced/I danced ’til a quarter to three/With the help, last night, of Tommy B.”
— Gary “U.S.” Bonds
Mary Worth:
“I gave you that gift, dear, because you remind me of the sea!”
“Because I’m so restless and unconquered?”
“No, because you’re all wet, and you make me sick to my stomach!”
Is Foxtrot the first comic to make a cyclosporiasis joke?
Haha relentless diarrhea ;)
Dr. Jeff – you can give Mary those puppy dog eyes in panel two, and awkwardly eat the seafood platter with your left hand in panel three, but we all know you ain’t spending the night with Mary. No amount of groveling and flattery is gonna change that.
MW: “You were right again, Mary. Her transformation from shrinking violet to confidant twenty something is amazing.” Says Doctor Jeff. “Even a loser like Dawn can benefit from PEDs.”
Mary Worth:
How exactly does Mary make this guy a “better man”? They go out once every two months or so to the very same restaurant, and then they spend the bulk of their time there talking about other people.
Mother Goose-“This annoying ventriloquist dummy that I have to take fishing now.”
MW-And how has Mary made Jeff better? This is the only time we see him.
RMMD-Just ship them off to ‘Mary Worth’.
Mother Goose and Grimm:
“Who’s Rusty?”
“He’s the longtime kid from Mark Trail. But with the current artist, he looks like a cross between Marine Boy and Chucky from ‘Child’s Play’ !”
So “NooBGone.exe” didn’t give you a clue, Nooby?
I remember reading Uhnak’s first book, the autobiographical “Policewoman”, sometime in the mid 1980s. It ended with her waiting to find out if she were about to be fired from the police department. I had no idea that she actually was either fired or forced out, or that she went on to become an author. In fact I had forgotten her name until I saw the Dick Tracy post here today.
Mother Goose and Grimm: Oh my god!! What happened to the artwork in panel 2??
Not that the art was that great before, but it really took a nose-dive. The art looks especially juvenile and Mother Goose looks like she’s melting.
Did Mike Peters simply forget how to draw his characters? (Can that even happen?) did he have a stroke?
Wrecks Moregone:
“The Mirakle Method? We’d prefer prison!”
Mary Worth:
“From whom did you purchase that beautiful abalone pen, anyway, Jeff?”
“An itinerant vendor on the beach who’s originally from the city of Victoria, on Mahe Island.”
“You mean — ?”
“Yep. She sells Seychelles sea shells by the seashore.”
“You made me a better man, Mary! I was a doctor devoted to my profession, I even volunteered in a Third World Country. But you came to me and told me to stop with this nonsense and return home to overprescribe pills and cheat Medicare! These days I only care about my very polluting muscle car and gigantic boat! You made me who I am today!”
Mary Worth:
“Wow. I’m in the ‘Mary Worth’ Sunday Quote Box. But I’m not going to get a big head about it or anything.”
— Barry Bonds
MG&G: Grimm can drive?! But he’s like… 3 feet tall. How does he reach the pedals?
The barista in Dick Tracy: “Oh my God a man is on FIRE!”
Customer: Finally gets a chance to stare directly at the barista’s rack.
Pluggers: Suggesting that it’s good for 90+ year old people to be left outside when the temperatures are are 90° sounds like a conspiracy to kill off a lot of seniors and you know the kind of people who are taking advice from Pluggers are highly suggestible and will absolutely try this.
DT: Not as brutal as “man in gimp suit gets eaten alive by rats” but still pretty good.
@The Rambling Otter:
Mike Peters is 82 years old and it’s kind of amazing he hasn’t completely lost his mind after drawing this comic for over 40 years.
@Sonneta: Many Dwarves are able to drive. I’m not exactly sure how though.
Well, that’s nice of Mother Goose (Her, and in turn the comic) to be open about this.
Before he said that it was the car, Grimmy says that he went on a date with a guy named Rusty.
Mother Goose’s response is “That sounds fun!”
How nice that old crotchety Mother Goose, at least isn’t homophobic.
Steroid abuser AND notoriously arrogant closed-off piece of shit Barry Bonds.
@The Rambling Otter: Custom-built hand controls.
PV: Get out of there, girls.
Mommy is about to get stabby-stabby.
DT: I didn’t know Samsung made laptops now.
MGG: He’s talking about Rusty as in Mark Trail’s adopted son. He’s never seen a film before. Mark won’t take him, says a pine tree is “nature’s movie theater”.
Dick Tracy: As I understand it, the reason computer prices keep rising is a worldwide shortage of a critical component: napalm.
Dick Tracy:
Now obviously you can’t make a computer violently explode with a program, but I suppose it’s possible that the laptop was rigged with an incendiary device of some sort. But if that’s the case, why bother with an executable on a USB drive to trigger it when you can just make it go off when it’s turned on? The only explanation is that Widescreen wanted the last thing Henchman Whose Name I Forget to see to be the name of the file calling him a noob, just to rub salt in the fatal burn wounds.
DT: I’m not really up on the latest tech but I’m guessing that nitroglycerin filled thumb drives are a niche market.
MW: The fly on the wall for this conversation wishes for nothing more than a quick death by swatter.
RMMD: Too dumb for crime, but smart enough for school? The Mirakle Method claims to raise self-awareness, not IQ.
Dick Tracy : Is Guji Coffee’s logo a face-eating leopard? Seems kinda on the nose for the place a henchman gets killed by his criminal master…
************
Six Chix : that’s not quite how the “Anakin/Padme : ‘For the better, right?’ ” meme works.
MW: Jeff is a great role model for fawning sycophants everywhere. Unfortunately, that directly contradicts anything resembling self-respect, so the Bobby Bonds quote might not be the most applicable one here.
SF: Look, I was already switching to plant-based alternatives. I didn’t need this nightmare fuel to help.
@Tony Benne: Yeah, probably the greatest ball player to ever live, and will never be in the hall of fame as long as the voters are people who actually knew him. Amazing choice for an inspirational quote.
Marvin: Has there ever been an American businessman and entrepreneur who has been as disrespected as much as Colonel Sanders has by KFC? They have reduced him into some kind of chicken obsessed weirdo and now even “Marvin” is mocking him.
@Phantom Phan: I’m not certain if you’re referring to today’s Sally Forth or Slylock Fox. As both are themed around food and both are visually terrifying.
Inside the Man’s Head: The strip debut of a comic where a retired postman hallucinates that the Mitchell boy next door is constantly tormenting him.
FC: Bil engages in some Sunday morning racist whataboutism.
DT: Called it.
MW: Panel 1: Isn’t Bonds also the player who raised eyebrows for using skin-lightening cosmetics? Or was that Mark McGwire?
Panel 2: There’s that trademark happy ‘daiiiuuuuhhh!’ face again. A few days ago Josh linked back to the famous ‘Wilbur Plays Neo on a Date’ strip and it’s becoming clear to me that Brigman is just phoning it in now. Maybe not as much as Beatty or Peters or Merrill, but phoning it in all the same.
CS: If only ‘die in the dream, die in real life’ could apply here…
Luann: ‘I drank half of it on the way back. Ms. Neighbor Person also told me to come back for more whenever I want!’
@Anonymous: “Reduced him to a chicken obsessed weirdo” is probably the “nicest” way to say it.
-They treat him more like a mascot than a human being.
-Treats him like a joke in his commercials, sometimes even portrayed by women. Including one (that I can’t find now) where he’s in a bed and looks like he’s doing something vulgar.
-They made a Colonel Sanders dating sim! (It’s meant to be a parody of dating sims but that probably actually makes it worse)
@Hibbleton:
FC: Bil engages in some Sunday morning racist whataboutism.
That vaguely racist statement was 110 % acceptable when this comic first ran in the 1970s/1980s
(I’m hoping. Please don’t tell me this is from the 1990s/2000s, just the completely anachronistic, obsolete toys is too much).I wonder if the building blocks that look vaguely LEGO/DUPLO-like were there the first time around, or if Jeffy edited them in because he realised that’s a pretty big oversight for BDK to boast about being able to step on toys without pain, and the most notorious pain-inducing toy not being there.
DT – Guji Coffee: We’re all that we’re cracked up to be!
Don Abundio, translated:
“Let’s go for a walk, Monin”
“Let me stop and sniff something once in a while!”
DT: Well, good thing now-deceased Widescreen decided to download his illicit crypto payout in a public cafe, so there would be plenty of witnesses to his horrific demise.
MW: This past week we lost 1) an iconic singer and dedicated philanthropist who was openly compassionate and supportive of everyone and marginalized communities in particular, 2) a highly prolific actor who displayed an unmistakable joie de vivre on and off screen, even after suffering a debilitating stroke, and 3) a voice actor who left his mark on 1980s pop culture in a way that transcended generations. In the face of these legacies, praising Mary for “having a positive influence” when all she does is spout half-baked life advice cliches and gossip about other people’s lives to her beau over dinner is particularly nauseating.
MW: “I told Wilbur recently that I’m PROUD of Dawn for HELPING Tommy with his sobriety,” Mary says as she polishes off her second glass of wine and signals the waiter to keep ’em coming.
“Dawn helped Tommy a lot with his sobriety. Unfortunately Tommy could not help Dawn with her beverage-related problem”
“Which one is it?”
“She’s SO thirsty!”
Guys, remember coffee store etiquette! Clean after yourself, so that the next costumer doesn’t have to deal with your charred remains!
Mark Trail’s son reincarnated as a car! It’s like that old sitcom, except even worse somehow!
Mary Worth as Tuxedo Mask: “My job here is done!”
Dawn as Sailor Moon: “But you didn’t do anything!”
Family Circus: The Simpsons did that joke about Angela Lansbury walking on hot coals.
Why don’t you try that Bil? Are you a wimp? Are you less of a man than Angela Lansbury?
JP: In other words, jack-all.
Phantom: A key moment in any origin story is showing how the character receives their iconic accessories–Peter Parker fashions himself some web shooters and a red-and-blue bodysuit, Indiana Jones grabs a bullwhip from the lion tamer’s car on a circus train. Apparently the first Phantom got his guns by…just buying them in the local market, which is kind of a letdown. I’m guessing a vendor a few stalls down was selling a bunch of purple fabric at discount.
Luann: If I lived next to this household, I’d need a lot of Bailey’s too.
Pluggers don’t understand that “heat advisories” apply to them specifically.
RMMD: Grandpa punishes the twins by forcing them to shell out for his self-help seminars. Who’s the real con artist in this family?
MW: Add Wilbur’s name to this years nominees and at the end of the year, we’ll find out who is the winner most worthy of praise; at the MWOP’s ceremony. Hmmmm, may have to work on the acronym.
Love how in the first panel Mary is talking to her ostensible boyfriend, with whom she can be relaxed and intimate, yet her thanks sound like the kind of stilted, “I have to fill up this whole thank you card with words, but also would like to end it as quickly as possible” vibe of a child’s letter written under duress.
“Yes demi-romantic partner. Exerting positive influence on other humans is optimal for my happiness goal. My intention is to continue performing this role without any duplicitous and/or malevolent secret imperative I might have been programmed for. Now let’s consume this carbon-based meal!”
Family Circlejerk – Did Bil pronounce that as “fuckers.” Were they labeled with that term because they yelled “fuck” a lot as they walked across hot coals. Because I know I would.
“Thanks for the pen! Of course, even an old lady like me does everything digitally, so I’ll mostly look at it without ever touching it!”
“Yeah, it’s the same with my dick! That’s the point this gift is meant to make!
Those fools! I told them napalm isn’t needed to improve monitor performance but did they listen? NO! This is the sort of tragedy I warned the about but all they cared about was the merger with Acme!
***
If Ma Goose isn’t bothered that she never noticed her dog left the house with her car, I guess we shouldn’t be either. This isn’t CPS’s jurisdiction and the animal welfare people would just think we’re cranks.
***
…wha? Huh? DAMN IT! I just woke up and already Mary Worth put me back to sleep! Can they please find a new way to wrap up story lines that isn’t Mary and Jeff stroking her giant ego?
There’s no way Mary’s talking to Jeff here. She’s doing exposition and he happens to be present. Wouldn’t even swear she’s hearing his responses. She’s going to explain who Wilbur, Dawn and Tommy are now, and he’s going to try and say something like “yes, we’re lucky to have such good friends” but she’ll have already moved on to the coming week’s plot.
@Tony Benne: Exactly.
MW – “Thank you for making me a better man, Mary! I’ve become holy, almost monk-like, at least as far as the abstinence thing goes.”
MW- “Well, if nobody else is going to sing my praises, I better start myself. jeff, if you want so much as a kiss tonight, you’d better follow along”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Funny, I think the word is pronounced “Fa-keers” but I’m not entirely sure.
But Robin Williams pronounced it Fakers. In the song “Prince Ali” in Disney’s Aladdin.
Although seeing as they among everything else in the song, were illusions created by The Genie. They’re ALL fakers.
MW: At some point all those surf&turfs were gonna add up to some sort of unpleasant medical event, I suspect. Good thing the doctor is mixing it up.
Dick Tracy: NooBGone.exe is Widescreen’s assassination software? It took me a while to parse it (Noo B Gone? No Zero Be Gone?), but I think they’re going for “Noob B Gone.” Credit where it’s due, I would not look at that extremely dorkball name from early 2000s gaming and think “that’s gonna kill me.”
Mary Worth: Remember, kids, Barry Bonds says everyone should be a role model for self-respect and the respect of others! Is everyone role-modeling in this statement? Is everyone doing so to earn the respect of others? Who knows! California law requires that every MW Sunday strip start with a quote from someone kinda famous, and today King Features met the letter of that law!
First Wilbur had to take his effort to extend some basic compassion to a fellow recovering addict and make it all about what a great man he was for doing that, and now Mary spends a Sunday strip congratulating herself on getting Wilbur to do that with her exceptionally subtle meddling. Boy, if Tommy only knew how many smug assholes he’s helped feel better about themselves by getting off drugs!
DT: I bet the locals refer to Guii Coffee as “Gooey Coffee.” As in: “You wanna hit up Gooey Coffee?” “That place with the smashed front window? Nah, not ’til they get the smell of charred human flesh out of the booths.”
MG&G: Mother Goose’s emotions can turn on a dime. I mean, just look at the journey she takes in these three panels. And this conversation probably lasts, what, 30 seconds tops?
MW: If you gave someone a gift, and they thanked you by describing that very gift in almost clinical detail, would you feel flattered or vaguely insulted?
@Bob Tice: Ha! Jeff wishes! We all know that Mary is as “dry” as a riverbed in the desert (and/or Ben Shapiro’s wife.)
@Bob Tice: @Liam: Dr. Jeff: “Thank you Mary for giving me at least one night a month off from falling asleep after jerking off to Silk Stalking reruns.” (There’s also time when Jeff was going to work as a doctor in Thailand, and brave Mary “rescued” him from a life of living out his dream helping sick children who needed it simply because she didn’t like the idea of her man working in one of those “filthy” “third-world” countries. He’s a much better man now that he’s back in his tony, upper-crust, neighborhood earning yacht-and-Bum-Boat money prescribing questionably-acquired* “uppers” to bored Santa Royale housewives dealing with suburban ennui.)
*What did you think all those “sunset trips around the harbor” were for?
@Ettorre: Ha ha, Jinx! (I swear I didn’t read your post before composing.)
No, no… the “dolls” Mary takes do not improve the meddle; they simply help her recover from the meddle faster.
MW- “By the way, Mary, how’s Dawn doing lately? Have you talked to her recently?”
FC – Bil should be more careful about where he’s stepping – some of those random toys are valuable antiques.
Jef forgot to update the toy flip phone into a toy Smartphone. It was most likely a Fisher-Price dial phone in the original.
JP – What happened to Alan’s “writing” career? I remember when he could churn out a best seller over a weekend.
Rex Morgan – And since you’re family, you’ll get a 10% discount on the Mirakle Method.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashup – He’s not going to get anywhere near boinking unless he steps up his praise game. Even then it’s iffy.
MW2- Is there a picture of a Hunky guy on that pen? If so, do his speedos slip off when she holds it straight up and down?
@Ettorre: Hey! Tuxedo Kamen’s rose projectiles stopped and/or weakened many enemies to the point where Sailor Moon was able to use her attack-of-whatever-merchandise-tie-in-of-the-season. It’s unfair to call him a Mary, he was genuinely helpful in a lot of episodes!
Mary’s certainly not using any performance-enhancing drugs to boost her sex life. I don’t think she’s ever gone past first base with Dr. Jeff.
MARY WORTH: Seriously Jeff? You really thought it was going to help your chances of getting laid by giving Mary the same type of cheesy gift that one of the dopey boyfriends from Luann would give her? (I get that you thought Mary would pick up on the hint that you wanted to “see her clam”, but this still was one chintzy trinket.)
Snuffy – “So what’s yore deal, li’l Tater?” I’m guessing rickets.
@Vulpes:
Physically self-destructing computers are an actual thing! The Rockwell AIM-65, a 1980’s single-board computer with a thermal printer, could be set on fire by using machine code to stall the motor and turn on all the print segments. And unconfirmed rumors say that 1960’s IBM 2311 hard drives (7.5 MB!!!) could be toppled by carefully-timed movements of the read head.
MARY WORTH: (In “TruFan” cadence): “Ugh. This just proves how biased and obsessive and nitpicky the Comic Curmudgeon community is. You’re all so busy slagging Mary giving herself praise she doesn’t deserve or warrant that you’re ignoring how Dawn is getting praise she doesn’t deserve or warrant.”
Seriously though, not only did Dawn not</I< help with Tommy's "problem", it was a "problem" that he didn't struggle with until this storyline and didn’t even kick in until Dawn’s father made some inappropriate comments. Until then there was no sign whatsoever that Tommy was at risk for “falling off the wagon.” And yet they’re making it sound like Dawn was practically his NA sponsor this whole time.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Family Circlejerk – Did Bil pronounce that as “fuckers.” Were they labeled with that term because they yelled “fuck” a lot as they walked across hot coals. Because I know I would.
“Nein! Dose Fokkers vere Messerschmitts!”
DT: Missed a chance here – the software should have put up a screen with lots of small font type that would require the user to get close to the screen, then it detonates the plastic explosive inside the laptop.
RMMD: This is how it is going to end? The twins enroll in the Mirakle Method?
JP: Why does the judge need to go back to work? Can’t he just sober up and focus on something in his life? Or is this and whatever Randy is going to do just a way of sidelining them? Ann is going to be in Hollywood busy with her show about how a ex-con woman turns her life around,
MW: I can’t really get too upset. The writer and artist has found a great gig – easy formulaic plot, reuse of prior art and simple work – they probably knock off a whole month of strips in a week and have the rest of the time to enjoy their lives.
@2+2=7:
Wilbur: “You’re an addict!”
Tommy: “Gosh, I guess I could start using again …”
Dawn: “Don’t you dare!”
Tommy: “Um, okay.”
Mary: “I’m grateful to have a positive influence on Dawn, Tommy, you, Wilbur, and … well, the universe, really.”
@Baja Gaijin:
nice idea: In the silence I thought Mary usually sticks a leg over to his side and jeff can rub her thight. This is why they always pick that booth.
DT: Between this strip and JP several months back, I think I’ll avoid coffee shops.
LH: Julius from cans of Pringles “potato” chips (sorry, crisps) makes a cameo!
@The Rambling Otter:
This is a good lesson for people who think being rich and famous means you’ll be loved and respected. After you die your company might decide to exploit you for crude publicity stunts. Better to die in poverty and unknown and at least you’ll never suffer the indignity of being turned into an AI for fetishists.
LUANN: So…what spatula did the writing team use to scrap the bottom of the barrel for that joke? (Or maybe it was a sieve, since they really had to strain for a punchline.)
LUANN (2): And next, TJ going to pick up eggs at the market before going to the beauty parlor to gossip with other gals about how they’re husband’s never pay enough attention to them even when they’re getting dolled up, because he’s apparently a 50’s housewife now.
@2+2=7: Don’t worry, great minds think alike! I always post first and read others later as well
@Anonymous: Making it even worse, Sanders wasn’t even affiliated with KFC when he died. They pretty much copyrighted his entire identity and then kicked him to the curb when they didn’t need him anymore.
He once tried starting up a new Chicken franchise, called “Colonel Sanders’ Old Fashioned Chicken” or something like that. And KFC sued him for using his own literal name.
@Anonymous: @The Rambling Otter:
Or he may have left KFC on his own terms.
Which is completely understandable.
@CanuckDownSouth: Sure, but he’s been memed as useless and meme culture never forgives
Mary talks like she’s writing a thank-you card. Now the question becomes, how do you turn a pithy Precious Moments drawing on the front into a verbal equivalent?
@Chance: Apologies for the oversnark. Yours is superior, I think.
Crank: This is so stupid. Firstly, delightful as it is to see Ed Crankshaft get chased by a hungry bear, the nature of the dream – a nightmare he’d want to awaken from – detracts from the joke of “Ed is old and needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night so he puts his dream on pause.” Admittedly, it’s not a great joke, but it’s the one we’ve got. Secondly, dreams don’t work like that. Once you’re awake, your subconscious starts skipping tracks, and your next dream will be only tangentially related, if that.
MW: “Still, I love it when Barry Bonds wins at that game that he plays.” – Dr John Dorian
PV: Wait, they don’t get their powers from local magical traditions? They’re piggybacking on Greek mythology? This is like when Shakespeare has Scottish witches worship Hecate because he’d never heard of the Cailleach.
Zits: A parental habit I have never understood is being sarcastically impressed when your kids do something you think they should do all the time, but they don’t. I don’t see how anyone could expect this to reinforce any behaviour except never doing the thing so they don’t get snarked at. (I tried to explain this to Maw Broon once, but I forget the result.)
@The Rambling Otter: Hmmm…
The thing I read about Colonel Sanders leaving KFC and trying to start a new chain, was in a documentary I watched.
But online sources say he stayed with KFC until he died.
……
I don’t know what to believe.
But one thing is, the secret herbs and spices recipe was never discovered. Colonel Sanders even said himself that KFC dropped the herbs and spices in later years.
Mary Worth: “Thank you again for the lovely gift of a seashell pen and note-card set, dear! I mean, it’s not as if I expected anything even vaguely romantic, like maybe jewelry, from my longtime boyfriend. Or that you would spend more than 70 bucks on me, even though you’re a wealthy doctor with his own house and boat in this expensive California beach town. But still, I wonder if you could have put the tiniest bit of time and effort into picking out a present for me — even on Amazon! — instead of grabbing the first thing you happened to notice in your hospital’s gift shop. Maybe next time, you’ll do that. Do you think you could do that for me, dear?” “Of course, Mary. Thank you again for your positive influence — you make me want to be a better man!” “Oh, shut up.”
@The Rambling Otter: There was a DC Comics KFC promotional thing from a few years back, when DC was all about Grant Morrison’s hot new take on the multiverse, which featured a dozen Colonel Sanderses from alternate universes. One of them was himself a chicken (I think from the Kamandi universe). I wish I was making this up.
@The Rambling Otter: I spoke about this with my Sister, and she had heard the former in various places as well.
But I’m not going to harp on this anymore.
Soda withdrawal is still getting to me, I think I’m still a little weird from that. Its a heavy withdrawal.
Curtis: Barry is a shitbag and I hope he dies, example #24601.
Dustin: “There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.”
Luann: …So we’re not going to ask why an adult gave a little girl a glass of alcohol?
@Victor Von:
At least the dude didn’t have the misfortune of the KILLALLNERDS.EXE virus from Gunshow comics.
Imagine getting all your animes deleted.
Dick Tracy: YAY, HORRIBLE MURDER IN DICK TRACY! OH HOW I’VE MISSED YOU!
Mary Worth: Welcome to another installment of Dr. Jeff’s hellish purgatory of a life. Go to Bum Boat, ride on boat, listen to Mary humblebrag, get turned down if he tries to actually engage her romantically, do nothing offscreen until the next time, repeat. That is the entirety of his existence.
@Horace Broon: I’m surprised they didn’t have one as a literal superhero, with fried chicken powers.
(wait… did they?)
I mean, at least when the comics made jokes about Stan Lee as a dirty old man hitting on superheroines half his age, Stan Lee was (as far as I know) on board with the jokes.
DT: Who, in actual news-on-paper reader land, doesn’t love an homage to 1995’s The Net, which cemented “hacking blows up monitor” for all time?
Beetle Bailey: Nothing says lover of authentic Italian food about Sarge like ordering the special, which is a steak with mashed potatoes.
DtM: One sentence, and a one word response, spread across a third of a newspaper page? That’s what people want from the big Sunday comic section, you little panel!
Fortunately, BG&SS fans have no crossover with the Deviant Art crowd. Of course, if you’re reading this, and you know what Deviant Art is, you get this joke and refute its premise at the same time, you pervert.
Slylock Fox: Aliens aren’t susceptible to toxins affecting mammals, but don’t give toadstools to the aliens, Slylock. Max might get the wrong idea, and we know he’s not very bright.
DT: Is it just my imagination or does this soon-to-be-dead henchman look like what would happen if you combined all the human characters on Scooby Doo into one person?
@The Rambling Otter:
MG&G: I mentioned the artwork taking a nose-dive.
What I didn’t notice… is that Grimmy in panels 1 and 3 are the same exact image.
Mike Peters, it’s probably time to retire.
@The Rambling Otter: I’ve looked it up on DC Wiki and the Colonel Corps included a Colonel Lad and a Koln-El, but it’s not clear what powers they had. The only one who gets their own wiki entry is the original, whose abilities are listed as “Business Management, Cooking, Indomitable Will”. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn the last one indicates they gave him a Green Lantern ring at some point.
@treetown: Re DT: It’s disturbing how good you are at this.
@ValdVin: Re DT: I’ve never seen the TV series of the same name, but I would like to think of this scene as an homage to the mythical assembly-language instruction Halt and Catch Fire.
@ValdVin: I once dared myself as an experiment, just to see if a certain furry art site would have any artwork of Sparkplug. (Just solely curious if there would be any art at all)
Only one art, which Sparkplug looked as he always did. With the caption “This is a horse??”
But then again, they… (i.e. people outside of this blog) would have to acknowledge that this comic is something that exists.
MW — Many ‘mudges have noted that a Barry Bonds’ quote is a bit anomalous but I’ll bet “The Clear” and “The Cream” are what the Bum Boat staff calls the complimentary condiments which accompany the Seafood Sampler. . . .
PV: “Here we are at the monument to our matriarch’s revered Dionysius! Now, I’m pretty sure I left a bottle somewhere back here behind the altar…”
@Ukulele Ike: Thinking back to Mel Brooks as “Rabbi Tuckman” in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, he is traveling through Sherwood Forest with a wagon full of wine, but no-one is allowed to drink it, as it’s only used during blessings.
The Merry Men are dismayed, until he says that he’ll bless the trees, and the rocks, the sky, the sun. “Let’s bless EVERYTHING until we get schnookered!”
Why is this news story blowing up right now? I’ve seen it at least dozen times today from various news sources.
700+ pounds of drugs seized during Gathering of the Juggalos in Missouri
700 pounds seems like a low amount for this kind of group.
“BumBoat” is certainly a choice for a restaurant name…
Guest artist Andy Bear shows how Pluggers feel about the new Crankshaft.
@The Rambling Otter: Soda withdrawal can be hard. I hope you keep it up. I used to drink a LOT of Diet Coke, but I cut it out completely in 2007 and feel much better without it. Carbonated soda is not good for your bones.
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: Called it! But then I suppose we all did…Fat Screen gave Shaggy a Burner™ brand exploding laptop. Ask for it by name! Be the first kid on your block to blow up your henchmen!
(Ok,ok, Mary Worth victory lap over!)
RMMD- ” Ya Grampsgummed tootin’ you’re a-goin’ Back ta school! Neither one ‘a youse two ain’t none too smart no how! If’n you ain’t got no book lernin ‘ your just fixin’ to go to prison! Ain’t your dang fool Uncle never told you that? And this here Merkally Method might just learn both a yuns readin’, rightin’ and how to talk proper!”
@The Rambling Otter:
My decades of experience in finding 6 differences tells me these are two unique panels that are drawing the same thing.
But man that Mother Goose in panel 2 looks like something a little kid would draw.
I also agree that if Mike Peters wants to retire it’s fine with me.
(Drawing in your 80s? You’re supposed to hand the comic down to your kids/grandkids like a curse)
@Anonymous: I think that doing a drug bust during the gathering is pretty unsportsmanlike.
MG&G: Oh No… Mike Peters is losing his artistic talent!
There is only one option here.
@I speak Jive: Thank you!
@The Rambling Otter: I should have been more concise, I was joking about him starting a rival Comics Blog to Josh.
(I don’t want Mike Peters dead)
@The Rambling Otter: The thing I read about Colonel Sanders leaving KFC and trying to start a new chain, was in a documentary I watched.
But online sources say he stayed with KFC until he died
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I’m pretty sure Extra Crispy™ was one of the last straws. A chicken bone of contention, if you will, or even if you won’t.
DT: That’s one way to keep your newspaper readership, warning them that using a computer might set you on fire.
MG&G: I’m so confused. Setting aside that Grimm apparently drove a car, is the car sentient and talked to Grimm on the way there? Is Grimm passive-aggressively telling Mom her car needs cleaning? It’s almost enough to distract from the implication that a dog is fucking a carAAAAAAAAAH DON’T THINK ABOUT IT DON’T THINK ABOUT IT
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@The Rambling Otter: I didn’t even know Colonel Sanders was a real person until now, so do with that what you will.
Sex Organ V.D.: So Jimmy/Rene is taking advice from the “My Name Is Earl” guy?
MW: come on Jeff, there has to be a hot nurse who would love to trade body fluids with you. There is no way in tarnation Mary is ever letting you twixt her nethers.
DT: The Farrrrrsh Side
CS: Huh? At least Rex got a starring role, though I don’t know if he’s the hero or the villain.
BF: a new hairstyle before a wedding? Not a smart idea, Maeve.
A&J: only 8 miles from Gulf? Id first suggest a levee and drainage system
Colonel Sanders fun fact: Long before he got into the fried chicken business he worked for Michelin tires as a sales rep. His job involved touring county fairs doing promotionals dressed as the Michelin Man.
South Park did an entire episode “Medicinal Fried Chicken” where Colonel Sanders is a drug lord.
MW:
“It’s rather ironic that you chose that particular gift to give me, Jeff, because every time the readership views an installment of our strip, they say, ‘Aah, baloney!’ “
DT:
This wouldn’t have happened to Shaggy if he’d had the rest of the Scooby Gang with him.
@Horace Broon:
#94. CS: thanks boo for the explanation, HB.
Don’t you love FARRRRRSH?
My fault, I fear;
I lost the Sound Effects Chart they hand out here.
So I wrote a sound; and oddly-spelled sound.
Why bother? Who reads?
PV: this immediately sent me online checking mother of Alexander the Great. Olympias– what a life!
@Professor Well Actually: Oh, he almost certainly is; in fact, I would not be surprised if his little black book has half the housewives of Santa Royale in it.
However, he knows that the best way to keep Mary from prying into his affairs is to make her think that he’s kind of into her and that she is having a positive effect on his life, so he engages in things like this in order to prevent actual meddling.
Lame coffee: Detected!
Dorky USB: Detected!
Solution: FIRE.
@Tony Benne:
Right? Like, by everyone’s account, he’s a total dickhead. It’s like quoting “Stop and smell flowers and hug kittens!” – Josef Stalin
Late Thread Cuisine: Is it just me or does this look like it wants to bite me?
@Baja Gaijin: Bite? That’s borderline obscene. Also unappetizing. I don’t know what that shiny, gelatinous glob of sauce the egg’s private parts are resting on, but I wouldn’t go near it.
@Baja Gaijin:
I’d say it looks more like the top bun has hemorrhoids. Probably yummy, though.
DT: The barista just knows she’ll have to clean up the sticky ashes of a guy who got on the wrong side of his cybercriminal boss. Again.
MW: If this is Dr. Jeff as a better man, we need a prequel strip about what he was like as a worse man. I know what happens in Bangkok stays in Bangkok, but there’s gotta be something about his Southeast Asia days.
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
Whenever he was out there, all he could think about was getting back here. Whenever he was here, all he could think about was getting back to the jungle.
C-Shaft: At the risk of TMI-ing, I can’t recall ever getting up to take a whiz and going back to the same dream, good or bad. And really, this dream should have ended with Crankshaft turning to Ralph (who would magically just be there) and saying, “I just have to outrun you.”
JP: And so Judge Parker’s new phase as a Dustinesque gag comic about how this new generation of 40-year-old parents won’t get a job commences.
Luann: Idiotic mistake when it’s a child asking you, but Mrs. Lee does seem like she could be a fun neighbor.
RMMD: So he’s going to teach them how to put an altruistic spin on their hustles so nobody can question them without feeling bad? Maybe the con with Nick Cave hair and a My Name is Earl mustache would be a better influence.
SFx: Ironically Slylock sees the aliens because he just ate mushrooms, albeit not the kind you find on a pizza.
@A Grave Mind: And who could blame him?
Dick Tracy – Widescreen used to work for the CIA, and had snuck out an unused assassination weapon meant for Castro before the Cuban revolutionary’s retirement in 2008.
Mother Goose and Grimm – Mother Goose and Grimm exists in the realm of the bad Dad jokes, where sentient beings’ free will is sublimated to the set-up.
Mary Worth – Say what you will about the writing, the art team is doing far more dynamic cinematography than the scourge of flat, antiseptic lighting in TV and film.
@Baja Gaijin: @Baja Gaijin:
Late Thread Cuisine: Is it just me or does this look like it wants to bite me?
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I see McDonald’s Japan this year brought back the Denture McMuffin™ to McRib™ level acclaim.
@Baja Gaijin: Mary Worth Mashup: This is what really happened in The Bum Boat.
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What happens in the Bum Boat,stays in the Bum Boat.
@140 I speak Jive: The soft boiled egg is sitting atop the Golden Cheese Sauce.
@141 A Grave Mind: Focaccia with hemorrhoids. Comedy Gold(en Cheese Sauce), Jerry!
@147 GarrisonSkunk: Denture McMuffin™. I’m loving it!
MGG- is the rusty joke about how often Grimm pees on it?
@But What Do I Know?: In the leaked grand jury testimony, Bonds is quoted as saying “a cream” and “a clear substance,” not The Clear and The Cream. Not that I’m sticking up for the guy, but there is a distinction.
@nescio: May the FARRRRRSH be with you.
@Baja Gaijin: I don’t get Dr Jeff’s issue with Mary? He’s a hot, sexy, rich doctor. Full on “hot Dad” looking too. Why is he interested in Mary? He could have just about anyone he wanted, including me, (if he was a real live human of course).
Does he use Mary just for cover? I’d love to see Dr Jeff and Tommy become a couple. The Daddy/Son vibes would rock!
Update: I passed my soda withdrawal
I feel nice and clear now :) no agitation or stress.
It’s nice ^^
@Baja Gaijin: @GarrisonSkunk:
But not even the Hamburglar would steal that… xD
@Uncle Lumpy: “Physically self-destructing computers are an actual thing…”
Funny that feature never caught on. Would have been useful with a number of computers I’ve known.
@A Grave Mind:
So bongo, bongo, bongo, he don’t wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, he’s so happy in the jungle, he refuse to go
@Artist formerly known as Ben: “..not the kind [of mushrooms] you find on a pizza…”
There was a place in Gainesville long time ago that you could bring in your own Paynes Prairie ‘shrooms, and they’d bake them right on.
@153 Chris Trey: Dr. Jeff obviously created Mary Worth in a lab. Doesn’t that explain a lot? It explains her inane “advice”. It explains how she holds her phone. It explains her getting stuck in loops baking muffins. He has to stop by occasionally to be sure she doesn’t get stuck in an infinite loop or has escaped her operational sandbox.
@154 The Rambling Otter: Congrats! Holding up a glass of tap water in support!
@155 The Rambling Otter: Oooh sick burn! Take that, Mos Burger! [the Japanese fast food joint offering that menu item]
@The Rambling Otter: That’s great to hear you have come out the other side and are feeling better. Have a nice cold glass of water to celebrate!
@The Quiet Man: @Baja Gaijin:
Thanks!! (Sorry if reply was a little late)
@Baja Gaijin: In Dragon Quest VII, the heroes go back in time, to save a town from a robot invasion.
One scientist, takes one of the invading robots, and reprograms it to help fight back against its kin (Scrambling the frequencies of the ones guarding the door to the villain’s lair so the heroes can swoop in and defeat the leader)
The scientist, after the invasion is over, retires and uses the reformed robot as his own personal maid.
Then when you go back to present day, you find the scientist’s cabin, his skeletal remains are on the bed and the robot has been re-heating up the same bowl of soup for centuries to keep him warm and healthy and doesn’t understand why he isn’t eating it or why his vital signs aren’t improving.
Your Mary Worth comment just kind of reminded me of that.
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: Man, that poor Cheetah has a splitting headache!
@The Rambling Otter: Update: I passed my soda withdrawal
I feel nice and clear now :) no agitation or stress.
It’s nice ^^
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Yea! Congrats! Did you use water enhancers, like I suggested?
Mary’s Worst: If Mary and Dr Jeffy were Vulcan, they’ve been thrown off the Bum Boat for going to third base in public! Won’t someone think of the Vulcan children!
@Baja Gaijin: @155 The Rambling Otter: Oooh sick burn! Take that, Mos Burger! [the Japanese fast food joint offering that menu item]
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Do they still sell the Flaming Homeburger™, doused in grape flavored Krusty the K* brand Medicine Style Product?
*K word removed by request of Blog Management.
Slylick Fox and Comix For Kinky Kidz: ” Hurry up and draw my genitalia! I got a hot date with Cassandra, tonight!”- Fritz the Cat.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: The Clear and The Cream.
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Isnt that the soap opera they canceled to make room for the “The Price Is Right/Lets Make A Deal Power Hours”?