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Dick Tracy, 3/12/09

The just-started Dick Tracy storyline involves not hideous villains embarking on a difficult-to-follow crime spree, but rather Dick intervening with one of his loser friends who has a gambling problem. I’m not certain exactly how this will lead to a graphically violent denouement, but surely our hero will find a way. In the meantime, for everyone who feels the comics should be more educational, I submit for your approval panel three, which shows us what would have happened if famed abolitionist John Brown had lived long enough to join Devo, then star as Scrooge in a community theater version of A Christmas Carol.

Luann, 3/12/09

Oh, look, it’s more tales of ribaldry in Luann! For most of this week TJ has been impressing (and arousing?) Luann with his pointless trivia knowledge about Argentine and Italian exports. (No, really.) Yet today’s oops-I-“accidentally”-walked-in-you-in-the-bath-Mrs.-D. might lead to our boy’s fancy settling on the older Ms. Degroot, setting up a possible mother-daughter-boarder romantic triangle! And wouldn’t that be delightfully ribald? And by “delightfully ribald” I mean “repulsive.”

Mary Worth, 3/12/09

WRONG MOVE, CONFEY! You probably thought that “identity theft” was a good sob story that would cover your inability to pick up a restaurant check until you and your Queenie were legally wed and what’s hers was yours. But upon hearing the very phrase, Adrian no doubt is thinking, “Oh my God, he’s no smarter than that idiot blonde Tobey that Mary’s always palling around with, and mocking behind her back! I can’t be tied to such an obvious dimwit! MUST … ESCAPE …”

I like Ted’s rust-colored suit jacket/black turtleneck combo, but I love the dude in the background’s black-and-white checked pullover/baby blue cardigan outfit.