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Judge Parker, 12/16/15

I don’t know why, but I can’t stop giggling at the phrase “died tragically in a Mexican jungle.” I know there are several noncontiguous rainforest areas in Mexico, but “a Mexican jungle” just sounds hilariously cagey. “You know, one of the jungles they have down there. Whatever the most murder-y jungle is, I forget the name. Probably it’s in Spanish or Mayan or something. The important thing is that he’s dead, and not at all living in our newly fortified guesthouse, OK?”

Momma, 12/16/15

I also can’t stop giggling at today’s Momma, mostly the part where Jim is erotically fixated on Tonya’s sexy, frilly hemline. Jim seems to like a gal who shows some calf, MaryLou, so you shouldn’t be dressing in plaid pants like some kind of prude if you want to maintain “squatter’s rights.” You know, squatter’s rights? Like, sex … squatting? Is that a thing? Distasteful as this is, at least this strip has stumbled away from accidental incest jokes.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/16/15

I think when Mason Jarr was first introduced as a character, back when they were going to make Les’s Lisa book into a terrible made-for-cable movie, he was presented as some dumb washed-up actor, but then he stuck around and generally became more sympathetic and also was supposed to have a somewhat higher-profiled career, I think? Anyway, that career is now over because he’s going to move to a depressing, economically dead town in Ohio with his wife! Funky and Holly are 100% correct to be completely gobsmacked by this.

Crankshaft, 12/16/15

Meanwhile, over in the “fun” Funkyverse strip, Crankshaft is supplementing his meager pay with a Santa Claus gig, and he has a tech-savvy elf named … Twitter! Get it, Twitter? The same name as the popular Internet website? Mercy!