The horror! The horror!
Post Content
Click the banner to contribute by PayPal, or here for other options.
Your generous contribution supports the Comics Curmudgeon in its third decade!
I’m delighted by Cayla’s puzzled look in panel one: “Somebody wants to talk to Les? Why?” But I’m deeply disturbed by the invasion of Crankshaft by Funky Winkerbean characters, locations, and themes, the way a parasitic snail consumes its host from within. I mean, if you’re going to end your comic strip why not, y’know, just end it?
I can certainly respect Team Crock for wanting to maintain the ol’ revenue stream, and genuinely admire the sleight of hand by which For Better or For Worse ducked mass cancellations by camouflaging its transformation into a zombie strip. But I can’t think of a reason for this Crankshaft takeover unless … unless … (in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind) the intent all along was to terminate Crankshaft and keep Funky going.
Heathcliff, 9/11/24
Ah, but here’s some comic relief: at the slightest provocation, Heathcliff entertains murderous revenge fantasies about his owner! Although I guess that’s pretty much all cats; carry on.
Zits, 9/11/24
The Sara character always gets a pass in Zits: popular, caring, socially adept, blah blah blah, never the butt of the joke. But today’s strip gives the game away. Even people who talk this way don’t talk this way with confidantes, so Sara is using Jeremy as either a stooge or a mark. What, then, is her sinister plan? Pull a Snuffy Smith and take over Jeremy’s strip from within? Use Zits as a platform to invade some other strip like Les Moore is using Funky to insinuate his way into Crankshaft? Get adopted into wealth by Judge Parker‘s Abbey Spencer (with D’ijon as Sara’s Sassy Black Girlfriend)? Time will tell. In the meantime, Jeremy has a raisin up his nostril.
Rex Morgan, 9/11/24
Truck is intrigued: “These bicycles you speak of—one sits on them, does one not? Because, Parker, God gave me a gift. I sit. I sit very well.”
—Uncle Lumpy
135 replies to “The horror! The horror!”
RMMD:
“Been a while since I rode a bike. ‘Course, been a while since I had a sentient thought, too!”
RMMD:
Thesis: (CV)P — where CV represents cubic volume and P represents Parker — is approaching infinity as a limit in today’s installment. Discuss.
Crankshaft:
“I believe that answering her call is still the gold standard for finding out.”
“Of course, if I were to wait for her to leave a message, I might be able to understand what it is that she wants, investigate and then call back, which would reduce two calls with her to one call with her. That might be more praxiologically satisfying.”
“Huh?”
Crankshaft-Well this comic is now over. Once you introduce Les Moore into the comic it becomes all about him.
Crankshaft-Tom Batiuk’s The Godfather
FC-Dolly, be sure to miss the balls when you swing the bat.
RMMD-“The other homeless people won’t share their benches with me.”
RMMD:
“Parker ‘Bythuweigh,’ is it? — what kind of dadgum nationality is that?!?”
Crankshaft without Crankshaft is really the Les Moore With More Hair and Less Cranky Old Man Show?
Readers are being bamboozled!
Heh. Ha ha ha! Oh yeah. Right. “readers”
MW:
“Let me serenade you, Miss, as you’re leaving our establishment and thinking about your many choices! – ‘Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get ma-a-arried…’ ”
“Why in the world are you doing that, ma’am?”
“Because it’s not over till the phat lady sings!”
Crankshaft : Tomorrow, hopefully : “Mr Les Moore, who teaches at Westview High, I, Lillian McKenzie, who owns the Village Booksmith, a bookstore in Centerville, have learned about how protesters have tried to prevent your students from obtaining Fahrenheit 451, and that the bookstore you were using previously to distribute it burned down, so now I offer MY services to HEROICALLY distribute-”
“Uh, yeah, all my students got the book (and the ones who didn’t, I’ll flunk). I don’t need any more copies.”
“OH! uh… S-sorry to have bothered you then…”
***********
Dick Tracy : might be the only strip commemorating today? (On one hand, I’d have been very shocked if Dick Tracy DIDN’T briefly stop to commemorate today, but on the other, I’m not angry at all the other strips for not doing it?)
************
Luann vs Zits : the former could teach the latter about how, in this “back-to-school, model student vs slacker” situation, you CAN make the studious character the butt of the jokes, while I think the latter probably wouldn’t do something like claim that being a restaurant busboy is a serene sinecure with no stress
(but then again, maybe the Fuze has no clients ever)************
Rex Morgan M.D. : up next, old man falls off bicycle, injures himself, his onset Dupuytren’s Contracture is coincidentally diagnosed while he gets medical care for his bike-related injuries.
All these years of wishing Crankshaft would die, I never in my wildest dreams thought it could result in his replacement by a resurrected Les. Thank God I never found a monkey’s paw.
Crankshaft: “I saved all the copies of ‘Fahrenheit 451’, but unfortunately, the protestors torched the shipment of ‘Gender Queer’.”
“Huh. Never heard of it. Since it’s not Ray Bradbury, it’s probably obscure. No problem.”
MW: And now for a week of Estelle whining about venues and Ed not giving a rat’s ass. Because he has this riveting case involving a rat’s ass…
RMMD: Defying old age, Truck leaps on the bike. His finger, knees, back and feet all freeze simultaneously. Calling Dr Morgan!
CRANK: When you have a character as vibrant and full of joie de vivre as Les Moore, there’s just no canceling him. Wait, what? Damn AI.
RMMD – this is a schtick, right? The whole cast of the strip will be sitting on this bench sometime in early 2028 when this arc finally ends.
FW “But then how would I wedge in some unnecessary exposition? I swear, you haven’t changed at all since I married you twelve years ago, once I was done grieving the death of my first wife…”
RMMD Take your time, Rex Morgan M.D., we’ve got nowhere to go…
Wuthering Lows — Given the nuanced and finished look of the Heathcliff’s oeuvre, they’ve probably skipped feeding him for more than a day or two–so maybe it’s more than just “forgetting” and a “slight provocation.” Perhaps an escalation to breath-stealing is called for.
RMMD: Truck joyfully sits on the handlebars and Parker pedals as they follow the woman and child down the path and into oblivion (to the tune of Satie’s Gymnopedies). Thus ends Sarah’s entry in the Glenwood Independent film festival.
Blondie: How does buying chips solve Dagwood’s problem of forgetting to eat his lunch? If he can eat the chips, why doesn’t he just eat his lunch? Look, I know well enough not to ask for a better joke than “Haha, the character who likes junk food still likes junk food!” from Blondie, but could they at least have these comics make sense?
DT: Karen Moy would be proud of that quote selection, but I’m not sure this solemn remembrance of the lives lost in 9/11 fits tonally in the middle of the ongoing silly Saturday morning cartoon shenanigans involving a mass-murdering terrorist.
JP: Well what do you know, it’s the mother of Declan, Mabel-Anne Whelan, a Catalan castellan dressed in raglan who cooks flan with elan while making a plan with her computer game clan on LAN. Anyway, she’s in the story now because Neddy’s “might have left a message” claim was actually her leaving countless voicemails like a drunk ex-girlfriend, though Mrs. Whelan has the same personality as every single other character in this comic, so she’s sarcastically brushing Neddy’s weird behavior off with just a quip and an eyeroll.
Seriously, though. Declan Whelan? Was his falling out with his family because he didn’t support the family business merging with the Yootonny corporation to send the Mostronos across the galaxy to find the zenomorfs? Jesus. At least it’s not Declan Bowen.
CS: You can tell Tom Batiuk is really hoping to single this story out for awards with all the spoiling promotional interviews he’s been doing along with the lengthy character introductions he keeps unnaturally cramming in. He’s done everything he can to make this a true winner, apart from actually writing a coherent story with about a subject he has any understanding of. It’s the total lack of any grip on reality that drives me up the wall the most. Assuming we’re taking everything else for granted, Les should be in the middle of an absolute shitstorm right now, almost certainly suspended from his job pending official termination, insisting on every phone in the house unplugged or silenced, wracked with guilt or at least pondering his responsibility in getting a local business targeted by community outrage, and so on. Instead, Les is just chilling on the couch without a care in the world, innocently baffled as to why another bookstore owner he’s associated with recently might be calling him. We’re operating on so many levels of absurdity right now that even I’m about ready to throw up my hands and surrender.
CS: You grind those bees, Batiuk.
RMMD: So, is Truck going to get all indignant and self-righteous when he finds out Parker is ‘non-binary’ and learn A Valuable Lesson about tolerance or some such, probably at the behest of Wanda deciding to withhold his free diner meals (his only form of sustenance) unless he stops being such an asshole?
JP: ‘… and if you do not stop harassing me, I’m going to take out a restraining order!’ *click!*
MW: First the guy at the VetCon ’24 (Now with 20% less deer ticks!) and now this beehive lady. I swear, Wilbur has upped his stalking game ever since his remote broke and had to leave his TV on that late-night airing of ‘The Master of Disguise’ starring Dana Carvey.
CS: Can’t this book be ordered from Amazon?
Zits: They’re teenagers sitting alone on his bed. IRL, wouldn’t they be crawling all over each other?
Uncle Lumpy, that is some quality commentary up top. Had me chuckling to start my day. Well done!
DtM: Dennis says; “How would you know…” and not “How do you know…” while referring to the broken vase. He’s trying to gaslight his mom into thinking she imagines the whole event. “Maybe you should go lay down awhile.” He says.
Menace factor: High
MW: Estelle thought balloon: “Oh dear, what am I to do? I’m just a woman. I need a MAN to make a decision like this. I better call Ed.”
Ed: “How many times do I have to tell you? I. Don’t. Care. Whatever!” [metaphorical click] (Is “metaphorical” the right term here?)
Estelle to Beehive Lady: “I’m sorry, I can’t decide. I’ll have to let you know. Maybe. Oh, I don’t knoooowww!”
Sheesh, what a nitwit.
MW-Tomorrow comes the horror of auditioning Wilbur the Wedding Singer.
@Tom T.: No. Connie is standing just out of view.
FWCS: It’s nice to see that Batiuk is subconsciously aware that Les is a pompous self-important ass, because Cayla lets loose with the sass.unHonestly, I’m certain Batiuk would rather have ended Crankshaft and kept going with
his self-fellatioFunky Winkerbean, so he can’t help but insert his true loves into this strip.Heathcliff: Speaking of passive-aggression, this is why I hope they never find a way to learn what cats actually think.
Zits: This is how you’re supposed to write Bernice Halper. It may explain why Sara has a boyfriend and Bernice doesn’t, though.
RMMD: “Time to work on my new song, ‘Riding a Bike on the Moon.'”
Questionable Cobwebs:
Yay has flown the coop. With everything Roko owns, leaving just an empty room.
It has been fun indeed.
Maybe I’m a bigger misanthrope than I thought, but do complete strangers introduce themselves when they want to sit on a park bench someone else is already on? Unless Parker is hitting on this old man with long sideburns and is now having second thoughts upon learning his name is “Truck”.
***
It’s only Wednesday the 11th. Friday the 13th is still two days away. If I’m seeing Les Moore back this morning perhaps it’s best to crawl back into bed and stay there until Monday.
CS: Les is finally getting on Cayla’s nerves.
Frazz: You know what? Time doesn’t fly when I read this strip. Zzzzzzzzz
Luann: Ha ha! You can’t shame Les, you human-mole hybrid!
9CL: The least problematic thing about today’s strip is Brooke’s notion that muscles can be bony.
RMMD: Aaaaaaahhhh. Get on with it!
MW: “OK…which bush do you want me to shit in?”
FC: You know you want to do it, Bil. It’s such an easy, tempting target, Bil.
BB: You might think that’s a photograph of a flag on Halftrack’s wall, but it’s really the photograph of a painting of a flag.
JP: ”To answer your question, Declan spent six years in Folsom State Prison for bigamy, stalking, and sex assault, but I suppose the heart knows what it wants. Best wishes for your upcoming wedding!”
Pluggers: Rhinoman checks his morning spam:
— Your National Geographic subscription has EXPIRED!!
— African secret to make your horn HUGE!!!
— Local pawnshops paying BIG BUCKS for computer monitors!!!
Crankshaft – Tom Batiuk is a true Boomer, in that he doesn’t want to do the same amount of work he used to with two strips, but he doesn’t want to retire and make space for a younger voices (as in anyone born in the second half of the 20th century).
Heathcliff – In the world of lazy social media feuds relying on “vague posting”, you have to appreciate characters who use their hate, anger, and annoyance to make art. Heathcliff is the Kendrick Lamar of comic strip characters.
Zits – We’ve established in the comment section here that Zits is the anti-Dustin (Jeremy is likeable with all his fault and virtues, and his parents are loving and relatable). If somehow Sarah ran a coup and took over Dustin’s space, then made a parallel version of Zits from the female teen perspective (made with a female creative team born in the second half of the 20th Century or even this one) that would be a win for the medium.
Rex Morgan – As I predicted, the first pangs of puberty hit Parker in the middle of the lame neo-vaudeville show when he realized this wasn’t going to get positive attention from the girls in his school. His first move was to get in shape, and now he will learn music from Truck. Inevitable this means Truck has to die and leave his guitar to Parker, one of the few pieces of his legacy left. Parker will lead a rambling life of music, travel and adventure, but with a tinge of loneliness and maybe end up living in a motel with Buck’s kid as his manager. But he will have stories to tell, songs to sing, and will have touched a few boobs in his time. What more could a hormonal teen ask for?
@jroggs: CS: You can tell Tom Batiuk is really hoping to single this story out for awards with all the spoiling promotional interviews he’s been doing along with the lengthy character introductions he keeps unnaturally cramming in. He’s done everything he can to make this a true winner, apart from actually writing a coherent story with about a subject he has any understanding of.
Karen Moy will win a Pulitzer for “Dogs are Great” before Batuik wins an award for this drek.
Sherman’s Lagoon: made me laugh. The thought of a shark in skin tight leather pants is silly but I laughed.
@Philip:
Then Zits would be the anti-Luann, an outcome I could fully support.
GT – He’s starting from the 20, but it’s second and one? (gets out calculator). I think he started from the 11, dude.
H&L: Like Timothy Treadwell before her, Trixie believes the psychic connection she’s made with the bees during hours of passive observation will protect her from their reflexive swarming attacks as she crawls through the garden.
Warner Herzog narrates this tragedy in his scathing documentary: Honeybee Girl.
@jroggs: God, you’re right–between the Moms for Liberty crowd setting up a picket line outside his house and Xwitter bluechecks doxxing him, Les’ life should be a living hell by now. Batiuk’s so terrible at this that he can’t even do faceless strawman antagonists right.
@TheDiva:
It’s like Galadriel in Amazon’s Rings of Power. You want to shout, “How can you not see that this is all your fault?
@Anonymous: Looks like Lio did a 9/11 strip, too.
C’bean: I wonder what Les’ ringtone is. Part of me wants to say Weird Al’s “Word Crimes” because it fits his pedantry, but there’s no way Les is cool enough to like Weird Al.
Heath: Heathcliff envisions his owner being eaten by a giant fish, creating a scenario where the food Heathcliff himself would consume in turn consumes the man who has been derelict in providing it–a searing indictment of his failure at the most basic responsibility of pet ownership, rendered in poetic justice. It makes sense, at least as much as anything in Heathciff makes sense.
Zits: Sarah knows being fluent in corporate buzzword BS will give her a leg up when she goes to business school, and immersion is the best way to learn a language.
“Answer me think son. Why do you Parker on a bike, but bike on a parkway? Huh?! Answer me!”
Parker, Parker, give me your answer, do
My finger hurts and I have nothing to do
I’m not a very stylish gent
I mostly sit on this bench
but you’ll look sweet
upon the seat
of a bicycle built for two
RMMD – “Been a while since I rode a bike. I wonder if I still remember how? Is it one of those things that once you learn how to do it, you never forget? Like… like… something you never forget?”
Zits – Problem: As an out-of-touch old person, how do I know having a raisin in your nostril isn’t one of those ridiculous things The Kids Today are doing intentionally?
FW – Keep using that heavy sarcasm on Les, Cayla. He’s an English teacher, but he’ll never recognize this basic rhetorical device, because he’s a lousy English teacher.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Do you realize she could have broken through the floor and landed right on top of me?”
Say, Uncle Lumpy, I notice that there is a banner other than Gil or Truck at the top of today’s page, but it’s not linked in the Fall Fundraiser page. There are three broken links under “fall 2024 banners.”
@Peanut Gallery:
Yikes I’ll go check. Stand by.
[A significant passage of time]
Aha, I figured it out: I linked the “Crazy-Eyes Estelle” image on the main post and in the newsletter email, but forgot to do it on the fundraiser site. Thanks for the alert; I’ll go fix it now.
[A less-significant passage of time]
Estelle is up; the Thursday and Friday banners are placeholders for now.
@Ukulele Ike:
These kids today with their social media don’t appreciate Jasper Johns.
MW – Next Beehive Lady will tell Stell, “Come in and meet Artheur. He’ll take your money.”
@TheDiva: C’bean: I wonder what Les’ ringtone is. Part of me wants to say Weird Al’s “Word Crimes” because it fits his pedantry, but there’s no way Les is cool enough to like Weird Al.
It’s probably his own voice reading a passage from “Lisa’s Story.”
I’m positively sure that Marvin would prevail in a shitting contest with Bitsy. And I’m reasonably sure that he would also win against Rhinoman in Pluggers.
BCN: I realize the march of technology has eliminated many conveniences–headphone jacks, disc drives–but I’m pretty sure even the latest top of the line electronics still include a freaking power button.
DT: I see someone’s trying to deduct his trip to the 9/11 Museum as a business expense…
Dustin: You work with Dustdad. You might as well retire all the way rather than drive to work, realize that you work with Dustdad, then immediately drive home.
HotC: Lighten up, kids. You’re in a school talent show; nobody in the audience is expecting Shin Lim. They’re here to be supportive and beam over their own child’s imperfect creative endeavors like the parents at the end of The Music Man.
JP: “I’m blocking your number and hiring a lawyer. If you try to contact me again I’ll sue for harassment.” *click*
Luann: I’ve heard from more than one person that they would be perfectly happy doing jobs considered as “menial” or “unskilled” if such jobs actually paid a living wage. So yes, I fully support Les’ dream job of being a dishwasher and think the only problem is that it doesn’t pay enough to allow him to move away from his smug classist roommate.
MW “I can assure you, a wedding here at McMansion Estate will be the bland, mediocre, faux-elegant day of your dreams!”
Pluggers don’t know that e-mail spam was named for the famous Monty Python skit and thus cannot appreciate the reference.
@Uncle Lumpy: Thank you!
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
MW: it looks like Wilbur got a break when Estelle ditched him. I’m not comfortable with that, not comfortable at all. Run, Ed, run.
@Peanut Gallery:
You’re welcome! We try to be a full-service outfit around here, but with the fundraiser and email notifications there’s a lot to keep track of.
FC: Almost every episode of “America’s Funniest Home Videos” has a clip where the dad is teaching his kid some form of sportsball and he ends up taking a direct hit to his jimmies. All I can say is I hope Thel is recording this for posterity.
CS: I wish these “protestors” would realize that Les Moore is flammable.
@TheDiva: @jroggs: Y’all are really underestimating the sheer chill and steely resolve of 2023’s Best Actress. Well you guys will be put in your place when whoever was destined to win this year’s Nobel Peace Prize dedicates their award to a “REAL hero”, the brave and saintly Les Moore. (“He didn’t abandon his wife when she got cancer! This profile in humble courage should probably get two prizes!”)
ZITS: I like ZITS and I like Sara. Sara also reminds me, however, that it is still much more acceptable, as far as I know, for a fictional teen boy to sometimes be lazy, selfish, very messy, and have terrible-smelling clothes than it is for a teen girl. I say “as far as I know” because I do know there are many web comic strips and young comedians that I know not of. Maybe things really have changed, and Boomers who are like me just haven’t gotten the message.
love is… fuckin’ in your clothes.
Heathcliff-It’s an old Sicilian message. It means Heathcliff’s owner sleeps with the fishes.
LUANN: I was going to say that it is waaay past time for Gunther to get his degree and leave college, especially with him being so allegedly brilliant and all. But then I realized that what I really want is for him to graduate and then disappear like Aaron Hill, and that probably won’t happen. The Evansii love him and his demented mother and his textbook-sniffing too much. And of course a lot of college students try to buy used books if possible, to save money as college costs keep rising. But for Gunther, the new-book sniffing is presumably worth the cost.
Rex Morgan – Parker has had a growth spurt between Monday and today. In Monday’s strip they were (was?) a gnome around thirteen years old, and today they’re college age.
6Chix – Next panel: Glorg and the smug janitor cut up the teacher behind her back.
9CL – It’s amazing that he can be creepy with no sign of the psychotic twins, narcissistic Edda, boinking in the lake, and/or meticulously drawn legs.
Mary Worth – “If you choose us, we’ll need a deposit.” Who talks like this? And who reacts like Estelle, who looks like she didn’t expect to have to come up with a deposit to book a wedding venue? Who knew?
Sherman’s Lagoon – I thought that the wig was funny, but I laughed out loud at the leather pants.
@Poteet: ZITS: I like ZITS and I like Sara. Sara also reminds me, however, that it is still much more acceptable, as far as I know, for a fictional teen boy to sometimes be lazy, selfish, very messy, and have terrible-smelling clothes than it is for a teen girl.
Luann being the exception that proves the rule.
@Her Father, John Darling: “Les, aren’t you going to answer the phone?”
“In a moment, this is my favorite part! Such poetry!”
@Weaselboy:
GT – He’s starting from the 20, but it’s second and one? (gets out calculator). I think he started from the 11, dude.
Henry thinks of himself more as an abstract or surrealist practitioner. He believes that conforming to reality stifles creativity. Also, he doesn’t know jack about sports.
Cranky Winkershaft – My husband is currently job hunting but refuses to answer calls from unknown numbers. For those of us with off-the-charts anxiety levels, it’s akin to torture. Also, he hasn’t been offered a job yet, but I don’t believe that’s due to his phone habits. Cayla ought to pimp slap Les, is what I’m saying.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
@Poteet: Oh nonsense. Underachieving girls have Luann to rely on. That make them feel “seen” right?
(Crickets chirping)
Um…right?
(Crickets chirping)
@Hibbleton: “The child dreams of bees, believing them to be free of care, but cannot comprehend the reality that guides its flight. The human mind recoils at the touch of a solitary bee on its picnic potato salad, yet remains unaware of the cruelty of the true hive mind which guides it.” — Narration from Werner Herzog’s Honeybee Girl.
@Sequitur: Good one!
@Poteet: Gunther doesn’t have to pay for his books, so what does he care?
@Voshkod: “Because a Parker is someone who manages a park, not someone who parks a vehicle. Why aren’t you installing tiles on a truck?”
Until I read the commentary, I didn’t realize this was a Crankshaft strip. I thought to myself, hey it’s been a while since I read Funky (and how little I’ve missed it), but I had absolutely no memory of the fact the strip ended. So yeah I’d say this takeover is very successful. Clearly Batiuk could never stop writing his beloved Les Moore, but Funky Winkerbean is such a clunky and irrelevant name so why not change it to Crankshaft?
GoComics made a list of 34 Animal Funnies to Make You Chuckle.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
GET IT OVER WITH THE BYRNINGS AND BURN LES’S AI-UPSCALED HOUSE UNTIL IT’S NOTHING BUT ASHES
Crank: I have not been following this story (I heard “return of this asshole” and “Batty is going to Talk About The Issues” and noped out immediately), and yet, with no context save what I’ve picked up from these comments, I saw this strip and immediately thought “Christ, what an asshole!” At first I thought this spoke to Batty’s skill in presenting his protagonist’s key character traits, even if they’re not the character traits Batty thinks he has. Then I realised I would have had exactly the same reaction to a single image of Les with no dialogue and no context at all. I just know what he’s like!
OTF: Great, now “It’s funny because funeral motifs” is spreading to strips Dethany isn’t even in!
Pluggers: It’s Rhino Guy! (Actually it’s Carl Rhinowski, but I hate that I looked up the Pluggers’ names once and they’ve been lodged in my brain ever since, so I mostly pretend they’re not.) I don’t remember seeing Rhino Guy since the famed “Rhino Guy hocks his TV” strip! I guess things are looking up for him, because now he’s not only got a computer, but he’s secure enough to see it as a source of annoyance rather than a luxury! I’m sure that’s a weight off everyone’s mind.
S4th: Okay, I say 50% chance it’s the old owner, who assumed she would continue to run the place, 25% chance it’s the cursed toys, who followed her there, and 25% chance it’s Laura, somehow.
OTH — Guy must still be a rookie sysadmin. Resurrecting the dead is part of the sysadmin job description in the 21st century.
So, since I’m now talking about Crankshaft… I’ve been reluctant to opine about this story, not so much because I’ve not been reading it, as because the whole point of not reading it is to not have to think about it because that’s going to irritate me. And yet, based on the comments here, I’ve been thinking about it and getting irritated anyway, so why not vent?
First, it’s fair to say that I have a somewhat jaundiced view of school organisations and parent groups deciding what books are “acceptable” for schools to provide, due to growing up in a culture where it was literally illegal for schools to say that gay people were normal, and most parents (not mine) seemed fine with that. So, as is often the way with Batty’s Very Special Episodes, I start off with a certain amount of goodwill towards his position, which he immediately pisses away.
Because books are, sadly, still being banned on these grounds, but of course Batty – whose Gay Kids at Prom story had the nameless gay kids hiding off-panel where they belonged while the main focus was his main characters patting themselves on the back for how open-minded they were — is too much of a moral coward to touch that issue, so we get the Ray Bradbury haters instead.
I’m reminded of something I read a while ago, about how Weimar Germany was ahead of its time in LGBT studies, and this got completely memory-holed. One of the points it made was that many people talking about the Nazis burning books present the act itself as the ultimate evil, because they’re still uncomfortable with discussing which books the Nazis burned and why losing that specific information and research was a bad thing. The tautological book burners who want to burn books that say it’s wrong to burn books are like the platonic ideal of that concept.
Whew. Rant over. Back to pretending this doesn’t exist.
@Cleveland Mocks:
You are so right. Things haven’t missed a beat with Uncle Lumpy in charge here during Josh’s vacation. Thank you, Uncle Lumpy!
RMMD-“Like I asked you for your name, Parker.”
Beetle Bailey-“Ms. Buxley, can you twat my face?’
C-Shaft: She somehow thinks that in scary times such as this calling Les Moore is the right thing to do. Really, his guess is as good as mine.
RMMD: For the sake of having something actually happen in the near future I’m hoping the stuffed bunny in the background is Rene Belluso in his latest brilliant disguise.
Zits: Yeah, I don’t get her deal. This is the way you talk to get really gullible investors, and Jeremy doesn’t have money.
9CL: Argh. Why can’t Thorax just kick over a few buildings and eat some planes like kaiju are supposed to?
Dustin: I blanche at the thought of what this lady’s family must be like if there will be times when spending time with Ed Kudlick will be a relief.
GT: “What’s this? Folks, the band are marching onto the gridiron. They are breaking out into an impromptu rendition of ‘Tusk.’ This is chaos, people!”
JP: Neddy is getting all bedroom eyes-y while she’s on the phone with Mrs. Whelan. Maybe this conversation is going in a different direction than we thought.
MW: Eat your heart out, Meghan Trainor. This wedding hostess is bringing booty AND beehives back!
6C: The eyebrow ridges and the lack of a protruding jawline make these people a pretty good representation—in the context of Six Chix art, anyway—of the Neanderthal group. Who, as we all know, were several steps ahead of the curve in handbag design.
More Les and less Crank
Cant we introduce Les Moore to Six Chix? (Throws ham steak into the 6C zone) “Go, Les, get the ham…..no, not Mason Jarrhead! Wrong ham,Les.”
Archie – I don’t know why it bugs me so much that we can’t tell if Mr. Wetherbee forgot both their names, or only one, and if the latter, which one. But at least he remembered to bring the Goldfish Crackers.
@90 Peanut Gallery:
I’m surprised that Jughead didn’t eat Mr. Weatherbee’s tie.
Crankshaft-“I wonder what I can get from her?”
We want less Les Moore, not more Les Moore! Less Moore!
MW: Damn, that is one vacant-ass smile. Estelle is straight up not listening.
@Sequitur: Why does The Grizzwells look like something drawn by Bill Holbrook?
@Bob Tice: “I believe that answering her call is still the gold standard for finding out.”
____________________________________
“…and I’M the gold standard for being annoyingly snide for no reason, Eat my dust,Lester!”
@Dan: We want less Les Moore, not more Les Moore! Less Moore
_________________________________________________
“Stay tuned for more music and less Nesmen!”-Venus Flytrap, WKRP
@Ukulele Ike: One Big Happy did one too.
@Dan: No wonder the petitions didn’t work. Too confusing.
@The Rambling Otter: @Sequitur: Why does The Grizzwells look like something drawn by Bill Holbrook?
____________________________
Samantha had her hand in the comic DNA jar again. But seriously, IIRC, I believe “The Grizzwells” predates Bill by a decade or two.
Blondie: Don’t make a topical cartoon about politics and then dance around the topical political part. The end result is just going to look awkward. Then again this is a Blondie cartoon so awkwardness is the only option.
Dennis the Menace: Look at that pose, Dennis. Your mom’s not human. Judging by the feet she’s a Sensorite.
Gil Thorp: That’s not how a cyclist talks. That’s how someone would talk if they barely knew anything about biking but was trying to pretend it was their hobby. This man is most likely a serial killer.
Slylock Fox: I’ve heard this story. When he takes the ribbon off her neck her head falls off.
Oops! What I labelled “Gil Thorp” is actually “Rex Morgan.”
@Peanut Gallery: Micheal Scott would have called Archie Tic Tac Toe Head.
@95 The Rambling Otter:
Bill Schorr and Bill Holbrook share a simular style primarily the use of minimalist backgrounds in their strips. Schorr is several years older than Holbrook and had a successful strip (Conrad) before Holbrook came along. Perhaps Holbrook liked Schorr’s style and copied it.
This is all conjecture on my part. I guess the simple answer to your question is “I don’t know.”
@102 Lee Sherman:
The cyclist is a middle school kid named Parker that we just finished having a story about his being bullied.
@Lee Sherman: Gil Thorp: That’s not how a cyclist talks.
_______________________________________
If “Frazz” has taught me anything, its that cyclists talk 24/7 about how they are superior to you ordinary walking slobs.
Sex Organ, V.D.: Parker Lewis discovers he CAN lose, and lose big!
@Horace Broon: Re S4th: I just assumed it was the demon doll, but the others are clear possibilities now that you mention it.
@Her Father, John Darling: @2+2=7: Thank you for causing me to confront why I deeply don’t like Luann. Is it because she’s lazy, selfish, very messy, and/or has horrible-smelling clothes? *thinks carefully* No, I really don’t think so. It’s because she’s so relentlessly irritating. Jeremy’s parents don’t know how lucky they are.
GA: I suppose it’s too much to hope that there will be a human body down there.
GA: Also, I will be extremely annoyed if it turns out that Mee-Meow has kittens down there. I say that aloud so it can’t possibly happen.
@108 Artist formerly known as Ben: It’s Gerald. Who saw that coming, other than me?
@109 Poteet: Luann is irritating because she just wanders through a mediocre life with little mental curiosity, not even realizing her sexually-repressed twatwaffle of a best friend is constantly belittling her.
So far all the guesses for the mystery person in S4th are incorrect. You’ll find out tomorrow.
Honestly, I don’t see how anyone could guess it.
@Sequitur: It’s Prospero, isn’t it?
Today on Rex Morgan, MD, a kid sits down next to an old man on a park bench. Frankly I’m on the edge of my seat… but only because I accidentally slid forward a bit.
@114 taig:
If you choose to believe that then have at it.
@Sequitur: Thanks. Very kind.
@109 Poteet:
Just wait for the next exciting Luann story where Bernice is captured and sold to a sex slavery ring.
Luann finds out and pouts that Bernice has all the fun.
@Sequitur: I think you have Luann confused with a comic strip where exciting things actually happen. For Bernice to get abducted would require her and Luann to exit that pigsty of a bedroom and actually venture out into the world. Remember how they went to a park to live the “romance novel life” only for them to fail to actually interact with anybody? How about Tiffany’s Epic Pool Party which consisted of three girls hiding in a bedroom for several hours?
RMMD:. Truck, that was NOT subtle. Parker, If you let him ride while you rest, make sure you first show him how it works, esp. that the brakes are hand brakes. An accident is no fun.
Resulting roots songs:. :Back to Being a Kid”
“Biking to Glory”
“Loving Like Kid’s”
“Regrets from the ER”
“
@46 Peanut Gallery: Having a raisin in your nostril is BikBok’s newest thing, The Melonhead Single-Nostril Challenge.
@Dr. Larry Erhardt:
Bravo!
@119 Bryan:
Just speculating that if something horrible happened to her best friend, Luann would find a way to make it about herself.
@Bryan: Hey now! They stared out the window for a little bit.
@124 taig: Peeked, not stared. Peeking through the miniblinds at that.
@Baja Gaijin: It’s a variation on the old joke about having a banana in your ear.
“Hey, did you know you have a raisin in your nose?”
“What? I can’t smell you. I have a raisin in my nose.”
Doesn’t work as well as the original.
Crankshaft: I look at it as more of a merger. This way, Batiuk only has to do half the work.
@126 Peanut Gallery:
I guess they could have used a different joke.
9CL: Uh, that’s not his knee.
@Baja Gaijin: Gerald? Long time! He’s been missed…by someone, maybe.
‘shaft: I get confused by the time shift but it’s comforting to know that whatever era this is you can be sure that Les is a dick. If he had a Borg outfit on, still a dick.
@Mikey:
Les is a putz: a wannabe dick.
@132 Uncle Lumpy:
Or as the French would say, “Une bite en formation.”
Fuck. I found Thursday chik amusing.
@Uncle Lumpy: It’s actually worse than that–in RIngs of Power, as of episode 2 of this season, Galadriel seems to be, slowly but surely, starting to figure out how monumentally she messed up. Les Moore never will.