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Mary Worth, 10/1/09

So, everyone who bet on Scott surviving in the pool: you seem to have come out on top … for now. But will he pull through the surgery? And who exactly is this “Dr. Good” character? Does his name define his character, as the names of beloved Highlights icons Goofus and Gallant do? Or is it one of those ironic names, like when you call a big guy named “Tiny”? “Oh, look, here comes Dr. ‘Good.’ Hey, is that a lower intestine stuck to the bottom of his shoe?” If that’s the case, maybe Scott did die in that shootout after all. “Yeah, just give the corpse to Dr. Good and let him muck around in there for practice; it’s not like he can make things worse, right? And send the live one to Dr. Actually Good.”

Pool bets are now open on how long Adrian will stand there clutching at her chin in gape-mouthed horror. Hours? Days? Weeks? Will someone at least gently push her chin up so that her mouth is closed for the funeral?

Pluggers, 10/1/09

OH MY GOD FIXIE-RIDING HIPSTERS ARE ACTUALLY PLUGGERS EVERYTHING I KNOW IS WRONG