The clam screams endlessly, it did not consent to becoming a weapon
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/11/25
Oh, I’m sorry, did you find the recent week’s worth of Rex Morgan, M.D., Characters Talking On The Phone boring? Well, did it ever occur to you that they found it boring too, and it’s actually really hard and stressful on them to be in this strip? Thank goodness Summer gets to take a break from the relentless changes in facial expression and hand position demanded of her and can now spend three panels blissfully staring out into space.
Pluggers, 1/11/25
I like this one because you could read it as Chicken-Lady just now taking the tree down … or just now putting it up. “I mean, it’s a full five days after Epiphany! But I guess I should put the star up there just to finish the job.”
Slylock Fox, 1/11/25
I’m sorry, I don’t believe any iteration of that child caught a fish bigger than himself. I think he’s just trying to sabotage this guy’s dating profile pic. He’s right to do it! Guys like to post fish pics but women don’t like ’em!! You’re dodging a bullet, buddy!
Blondie, 1/11/25
You foolish children! X-eyes don’t denote sleepiness! Don’t you understand what you’ve done? That snowman is dead! [starts sobbing uncontrollably] He’s dead! He’ll never wake up.
70 replies to “The clam screams endlessly, it did not consent to becoming a weapon”
Slylock Fox:
Oh, that’s easy. It’s the third panel — Lampy is slowly but surely presenting more of himself on the left side of the frame.
Oh, wait a minute. Wrong strip — that’s RMMD.
RMMD:
“Good movie. I hope those boys find that dastardly witch. But why is the view from their camera so shaky?”
MW: Given that she is Wilbur’s daughter, I guess we should have assumed Dawn’s a messy eater, but it’s funny that this didn’t come up on their first or second meal together. Or is this because she can’t see to steer her food to her mouth?
RMMD: Hey now, it’s not the same panel three times! It’s the same panel three times cropped slightly differently in each one!
FC-Billy and Jeffy equal the weight of Dolly.
MW-More of Dirk’s quirky endearing habits.
RMMD-I’ve never been so bored with this dialogue.
RMMD: If you think this is depressing, just wait until you see Summer’s life when Terry Beatty makes it “fun.”
Pluggers: I can’t be the only one who read this caption in Sir Ian McKellen’s voice.
Blondie: Imagine you’re a parent and you cave in to your child’s insistence that they must have three top hats to make their snowmen… and then the ungrateful little shit goes and makes the snowmen in a neighbor’s yard. No wonder Elmo’s mom and dad hate him.
RMMD: Before Twin Peaks, David Lynch wrote The Angriest Dog in the World, a comic strip with the exact same panels of a dog “who is so angry he cannot move” every day. But what was avant Garde in the 80s is mainstream now. Get ready for The Boringest Medical Receptionist in the World. “The woman who is so dull she cannot move. She cannot eat. She cannot sleep. She can just barely watch a movie. Bound so tightly with ennui and lazy art, she approaches the state of rigor mortis.”
Blondie: Bill Watterson is going to be at King Features’ door with a rifle.
Blondie: You know that heart-wrenching scene in The Lion King with Simba trying to wake up his father after the stampede? This is like that, but with two children. And they’re all snowmen. And we have no emotional connections. But other than that, it’s identical.
Pluggers are frozen with indecision…or parkinson’s…so stop gawking.
Blondie: Dagwood ruins the tableaux when he eats the carrots. “Sorry, kids. It’s what I do.”
BLONDIE:. Dag seems almost glad the kids woke him up to play, rather than considering them a PITA. Good adulting, old man.
CURTIS:. Greg earns enough to get these two boys separate beds. If room is small, bunk beds would be better. Next time Curtis adkd for $20, just tell him it’s invested in his Big Boys Sleep Alone fund.
FG: A newbie to strip, who are the two Invaders? The guy with the horns look familiar, and horned/horni [sic] are usually evil. If so, will Sharks and Lions unite against common enemy?
MW:. Time to show your value, Dawn. Ask him about HIS summers in Italy and affairs with professors.
RMMD:. Get an interesting mind, Summer. Then ice cream and a movie will be more than enough.
WHat the hell? Elmo doesn’t have a friend. Why else would anyone hang around Dagwood?
MW: what does Dirk the Dick see in Dawn?
Nipples.
FC: Shown: 1962. Not pictured: 2025, kids standing in front of fence with row upon row of suburban houses in background.
@Professor Well Actually: “ MW: what does Dirk the Dick see in Dawn?”
This is merely example 1,739 of “Karen Moy becomes aware a concept exists but can’t be arsed to actually learn what it means or how to tell a story about it.”
She knows that negging and other abusive behavior exists but instead of doing the research to understand that the abusers don’t relentlessly criticize the victim but, rather, first appear friendly or center harmless she just makes Dirk all terrible all the time to the point that Dawn, quite logically, calls him out for it.
Really, she already did the “nice guy is revealed as an abuser” story years ago, but that was Wilbur and his abuse was just an “endearing quirk.”
Fish want me. Women fear me.
Fun fact: When I state: Good Night to my Google mini I programmed it to respond: I hope you never wake up.
@Schroduck: He couldn’t care any less. Just ask the Peeing Calvin makers.
Blondie: I was going to make a joke about the size of Dagwood-snowman’s carrot, but… wait, did they give him a butt?!! These kids are weird!
This Canadian is just sitting in appalled fascination – Elmo and his buddy just walked into the house, into the living room, *on the rug!*, with their boots on. I know Americans are weird, but that is going too far!
Blondie. Dagwood: “Christ, there’s two of them!”
Elmo: “Well, yeah, we thought it would show how much effort they’re putting into moving him.”
Dagwood: “Oh. Sure. I was talking about the snowmen. Of course.”
MW: “Not everyone is perfect like you! [burp]”
FC: The melonheads don’t seem to be wearing safety helmets in order to race.
No, no, no, an AI generated version of the panel wouldn’t be missing a finger. It would have 7 extra fingers! And 3 legs that may or may not be attached to the fish. And the human faces would be distorted to reflect the torment of having seen their species overthrown and reduced to being villains and jesters.
RMMD:
“I wish someone would give me a jingle. Anyone. Rock musician Edgar. Former college and NFL star Shawn. Police member Andy. British group that did ‘Hit the North, Part 1.’ Winter, Springs, Summers or Fall — all you’ve got to do is call.”
GT: Wow, I’ve never seen sweat in most of these shapes before, particularly the sharp, pointed forms.
The new artist appears to be practicing impressionism, but it’s clashing with Henry’s bizarre notions about sports in particular and everything else in general. For our sake, these two would synch up better if she switched to surrealism. Then at least something in this strip might not be an incoherent mess.
I have to admire the vast amount of diligence and effort shown in the third panel of that Rex strip. Panning the camera over by six inches isn’t easy.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Blondie: “Daisy, go add some yellow.”
Blondie: Great. The two snowmen have performed an unholy ritual to restore life to the larger snowman. It’s rampage will stop when it realizes Dagwood has no brains to eat.
SF/RMMD: I thought for sure that Josh had accidentally posted from yesterday’s and today’s Slylock Fox.
Pluggers: What I get from this scene is that the tree has commanded the lady Plugger to murder her husband with the star. I think I watch too many horror movies.
MW – Dawn: eats like a pig. Dirk: is a pig.
@Professor Well Actually: His dick.
JP: “At least now you have a lot of important questions to ask yourself as your client’s lawyer. And maybe your client’s family. And perhaps your client’s friends. And possibly your client’s other victims. And conceivably even your client’s favorite dress retailer. But under no circumstances should you speak to your client herself, obviously. Heh. Honestly; a lawyer talking to the person they’re about to defend in court. Could you even imagine? What next, are the police supposed to interrogate suspects and witnesses?”
GT: …Rachel Merrill, what the hell is this?
Luann: What a positively wacky circumstance. I’m sure Piro will have a very good reason why he failed to mention he was bringing five children and their middle-aged sex predator to visit his not-girlfriend’s friend’s parents’ house, and this won’t immediately devolve into some extremely boring pity bait and bitchy doormat nonsense like… well, every other Luann story.
SlyF – Seagulls do this shit to clams All. The. Time. It’s the circle of life. Kitty-Cat was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
RMMD – It has an Andy Warhol vibe….
Pluggers – Every Tuesday is fat Tuesday….
SFx – Acid trip….
Blondie – Tursty’s passed out on the front lawn – his children try to roust him before the whole neighborhood sees. The Xs for eyes are a dead giveaway. Happy Holidays….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Rex Morgan: I’d actually be kind of impressed if this whole storyline is just several weeks of this panel of Summer sitting here repeated over and over with nothing but the thought balloons changing.
Slylock Fox: Oh my God, that dude’s finger got eaten by the fish!
Blondie: “I’d say that’s right on the money,” says Dagwood as he quietly reaches for his snow-shovel to beat Elmo and his friend to death for ruining his nap.
RMMD: I feel like the only thing more ridiculous than drawing three identical panels is drawing three *almost* identical panels. Like, are we supposed to notice the (very) slow zoom out from Summer and draw something from it? This isn’t a Kubrick film.
Pluggers are deathly afraid of any any indicators of the passage of time and will do almost anything to avoid them. It’s why their homes look like they were last decorated in 1994.
Sfx: Sadly, that sign is referring to fish flu. And if you thought bird flu was bad…
Blondie: Has anyone ever done a Simpson-style house layout of the Bumstead residence? I don’t really care about the house, I just really want to know how big that lot really is…
Thanks to Brewster Rockit, that makes it two dead snowmen in one week. R.I.P., round mounds.of frozen precipitation.
Blondie: Calvin was a master of blood-and-gore snowman horror, but the kids of Blondie are doing quite well with their more subtle psychological approach.
RMMD: It’s not so much that she’s bored, it’s that she’s bored and lonely. In the Morganverse, boredom is a feeling best shared with others.
Slylock: That guy has his hat turned sideways, that’s already a huge red flag that he’s an asshole. Considering that child is already appearing to have significant hair loss maybe what he caught is some terrible disease?
Marvin: I remember reading a news story years ago about someone who accused the makers of the game Trivial Pursuit of stealing material from a book of interesting facts he had published. The court decided that facts are not able to be copyrighted so I guess Marvin is going to get away with this.
Hi and Lois: Is there a breakfast cereal made from kale? I’m afraid to find out because I believe there might be.
Family Circus: Let’s Race! I will be the privileged white person and you can be the oppressed ethnic minorities.
Beetle Bailey: Is the general pimping out Ms. Buxley?
Bizarro: Is the joke here that the Jack in the Box has found a female companion and they are fornicating even though he doesn’t have any genitalia? The other possibility I see is that the Jack in the Box has multiple personality disorder and his other personality is a female named Jill. I’m sure that living in isolation in a dark box can create that kind of mental disorder.
MW: Pretty much everyone else alive would say, “Not everyone can be perfect like you,” with heavy sarcasm. Not our girl, Dawn, she really means it.
RMMD: If the final panel featured ice cream dripping onto Summer’s foot, then “Which scene is slightly different from the others?” could have done double duty for the day.
@Activist: #10
Re FG: Those two characters are Bok (blue guy with horns) and Dr Hans Zarkov from Earth, fellow traveler with Flash and Dale. They are allies with the people opposing Emperor Ming, so they are there to fight the Sharks.
@Phantom Phan: #38
…Okay…that is downright horrifying…and, because it’s Brewster Rockit, laugh out loud funny! Poor Snow Guy!
@UncleJeffers: #40
“ Hi and Lois: Is there a breakfast cereal made from kale? I’m afraid to find out because I believe there might be.”
I had to look it up and lo and behold, there *are* kale cereals and granolas. Welcome to your nightmare!
C’shaft: Figures that Crankshaft would be on board with the enshittification of customer service.
Dustin: Shorter hair, new wardrobe, more exercise…I think the waitress just told Dustin to join the military.
GT: Forget the sweating, what happened to Keri’s pinkies? Were they taken as a result of heavy gambling debts?
Luann: Wow, Piro’s been fathering kids since he was four.
MW: Is Dawn being passive-aggresively sarcastic about Dirk being perfection, or is she stupid enough to believe it? Both are consistent with her character.
Curtis has taken a disturbing turn. Mr Wilkins has been rejected by his wife and wants to sleep with his children. Barry seems to have an oedipus complex and is now going to sleep with his mother.
MW: “Sorry, I’ve always been lousy at blow jobs….”
”Train yourself not to be.”
DT: “Mr. Totten, are you….leering at me?”
”Yeah, I’ve got this thing for middle-aged bald guys in Harold Lloyd glasses and short-sleeved dress shirts.”
GT: The abortion storyline went so smoothly, Peanut decided to try heroin addiction.
@Daisy:
I have seen a “Sour Patch Kids” cereal and a “Twinkies” cereal so I’m not at all surprised there is a box of kale covered in sugar and someone would decide to buy it
Don Abundio, translated:
“Today I’m doing a play with five beautiful women!”
“Don Abundio might be a little jealous!”
“Just a little, Juan”
“He’s hired an army of gorgeous models to boo your performance!”
RMMD – Beatty, if you’re going to use the same panel three times and sign your name to it as if you’re proud of it, you should go whole hog. Put the signature in all three panels!
@jroggs: Re Blondie: Fear not; those little urchins obtained the top hats by mischievously knocking them off the heads of gentlemen who were strolling through Piccadilly Circus.
@Peanut Gallery: Here I am reading Rex Morgan like it’s some sort of spot the differences strip…
MW: It all starts innocently. You meet, you go out bowling on Christmas Day, you have a great time. Next thing you know, you’re openly criticizing each other in public across the restaurant table. Shame how time really wears down a relationship.
Pluggers: Today I learned Pluggers are sedevacantists who have never accepted the liturgical reforms of Vatican II and observe Christmastide through at least The Baptism of the Lord, if not all the way to Candlemas, the way God and righteous Pennsylvania chickendom intended it.
What’s the difference between these three panels? Nothing! It’s the perfect Rex Morgan, M.D. strip!
What’s the dealio with the image borders lately? Is Josh…is Josh screenshotting the comics so we don’t have to?
Luann: This better be a good retcon, since one of the kids, judging by hair at least, is Bernice’s. “Remember when you were pregnant, Bern, and gave the baby up for adoption?”
In a world of grotesque human/animal hybrids celebrating Christmas, I have to wonder what kind of human/animal hybrid Jesus wou… a fish. Of course. Wait, no. That would make the fish and loaves story pure horror. A sheep? No, that would make no sense for a shepherd. A lion! Screw you, plugger C.S. Lewis! Now you’ll have to rethink Aslan!
Rex Morgan – Wow. A boring woman in a boring strip thinking about how bored she is. This is like those scenes in a hall of mirrors, where the reflections stretch into infinity. Only boring.
FC – I’m troubled that they’re playing with those antique sleds. The sled will be worthless after Jeffy stupidly steers it into a tree.
Bliss – That’s a dog who’s ready for his close up. Great artwork.
9CL – Shouldn’t that be professor EMERITA? Brooke must have been so busy with those legs that he didn’t think about gender in Latin.
RMMD: (ring,ring) Sid speakin’ … why hello Mr. B! Great job today with that portrayal of Summer’s “empty life” … I like the way you used Lampy for perspective. Yessir, the scene is all set for Summer to fill her life with the love of an Animal Companion! I’m thinkin’ an accidental “meet cute”… would seem more spontaneous. …Huh? Well, you can look it up in the dictionary.
What’s that you say? … You’re still considering a rich, handsome stranger moving to Glenwood? With all due respect, sir, that’s something of a cliche, doncha think? You know the sophisticated audience will roll their eyes at that. But bring in a Dog or a Cat! That’s gonna be golden!! Not necessarily a Retriever, but it’s not a bad idea. Now how about I send over some of our professionally trained Domesticateds for your approval? See which one has the right chemistry…
Oh, I hope you have been enjoying your gift baskets…. What? Some of the fruit was MOLDY??? Hey, INTERN!! We need a word….
@Daisy:
#43. FG:. Thanks, Daisy. And thanks for calling me out on stereotyping superheroes with horns.
Luann: “Me and my bowl-cutted lover here were wandering around and we found these five kids somewhere. They looked like they could use a place to live and three squares a day. Mind if we drop ‘em off with you? Thanks, bye.”
9CL: They say that “the legs are the last to go,” but granny here is still pushing it. I suppose Edna is currently kick-dancing in a chorus line at some dive in Vienna, in front of 110-year-old Anschluss Nazis.
@Activist: Just don’t yell for any help from Nightcrawler next time you get mugged.
AC: I’m pretty sure it’s been established that, while mobile phones exist in Andy Capp‘s 1950s-themed 2020s, Andy himself doesn’t have one. And now we know why: at least poring over his racing form doesn’t directly waste Flo’s money. Sure, he’ll lose it when he actually goes to the bookies, but there’s only so many races. If he had access to Super Fun Casino App, he could get through her entire month’s pay in minutes without leaving the couch!
Crank: And this week of nothing ends with a joke Batty already did in his “If Amazon ran school buses” week.
HtH: “You want me to tell you what’s wrong with me rhetorically? Well, I’m no skald, but I guess I could compose a saga about it. Um … Sore is my stomach and knackered my knees are. Pain in my privates, particularly when peeing…”
MW: I hate to say that this glacially predictable story is skipping stuff, but I’d really like to know if that’s a vegeburger in front of Dawn or if Dirkhead bullied her into the meat option again.
Phantom: Wait, is the premise of Neville’s reality show “Look at these guys who were punched by a guy in a purple onesie!” or “Who is this guy in a purple onesie that punches people?” It doesn’t matter; this doesn’t work either way! If it’s the former, then Vincent’s suggestion that finding the answer would mean the end of the show doesn’t make sense. But if it’s the latter, then Neville’s admission that he and his friends are woefully unqualified to solve this mystery and don’t expect ever to do so doesn’t exactly encourage people to tune in and become engaged with it.
RMMD: From the people who brought you Truck On A Bench comes Summer On A Couch! More of the non-stop sitting action that Rex Morgan fans apparently want!
SFx:. That better be a Catch-and-Released souvenir as Mark Trail is awaiting, rope in hand, just down the lake. The pink-finned tuna is an endangered species, as we all know.
RMMD: No patrons will be seated during the spell-binding Summer gets a piece of nut from her rocky road ice cream stuck between her teeth.
GT: Sweat from her wrestling practice, my ass. Wouldn’t she have showered before going home? By the looks of that whitish goo I’d say Keri was giving her boyfriend a handjob in the car.
Phantom: “Blokes like us? We’re mostly sipping our pints….”
So close to “pissing our pants,” and yet so far.
@UncleJeffers: Bizarro: Based on the caption, presumably they are jacking and jilling. You don’t want to be there when they pop the lid off.
Luann: “So I cleaned out everyone at the poker table so thoroughly that I have five kids as markers. The rabbi came along because I had to borrow his van.”
9CL: True story: When my mother was 89, a fortune cookie told her that she was “beautiful and sensual.” She didn’t use the moment to describe her underwear or show off her legs.
Dustin: For a guy with no job and no income Dustin can sure afford to eat out and go to bars a lot.
@Nobody: As I understand it — and I could be completely off-base, especially as it doesn’t entirely make sense to me — he does care about the Calvin decals, he just can’t do anything about it. Because there’s no official Calvin & Hobbes merch, at his own insistence, unlicensed merch isn’t stealing customers, which apparently is the only measurement of copyright theft US law recognises. I’m probably simplifying hugely, even if I’m not fundementally wrong, but I’m sure I read it was something like that.