Kudos to Jamaal for following aviculture best practices
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Archie, 2/13/25
Of course, you’ve seen a bunch of comics and cartoons and know that spiciness represented by literal flames and smoke emerging from a person’s gullet is a common visual trope. But the characters in today’s Archie rerun? Well, they apparently have not. “Wow, look at all that smoke,” says Archie, alarmingly calm. “I guess I really underestimated what was going on in Jughead’s digestive tract.”
Herb and Jamaal, 2/13/25
When I returned to the Herb and Jamaal well after many years, I of course wondered: does this strip still “got it,” with “it” being a perverse tendency to eschew proper nouns and make things as generic as possible, even when it’s clearly writing about something specific and indeed torn from the headlines? Well, I’m here to report that, by referring to a “bird illness” today, in the midst of the worsening H5N1 bird flu outbreak, the strip demonstrates that it very much does got it. Maybe this strip was written last week, maybe it was written during several other intermittent avian influenza pandemics that have occurred over the past several decades, and maybe it will be used again and again as new and exciting disease forms ravage our egg supply chain, and I for one think that’s beautiful.
Daddy Daze, 2/13/25
Oh, hey, have you wondered what the Daddy Daze daddy is up to? Well, it seems he yearns for death. It’s not great!
Gearhead Gertie, 2/13/25
Remember, folks, if you go over to your friend’s house to watch NASCAR, and they own a dog but their living room isn’t covered in shit and piss, they’re loser fake fans and you should leave in a huff
101 replies to “Kudos to Jamaal for following aviculture best practices”
RMMD:
“Oww! — why’d you plant me on my duff on the sidewalk like that???”
“I just wanted to provide you with a concrete illustration of how you’re not welcome here!”
When Jughead experiences pain, his friends go through a range of emotions. Betty is obviously delighted, while Archie is also delighted but with a little dash of anger that his warning was ignored. Jughead’s friends hate him, I guess is where I’m going with this.
RMMD-“I’ll start my own bar with blackjack and hookers.”
FC-But Jeffy will be the one inheriting the comic strip.
MW-I have a threesome option.
DD- I can’t remember- is Angus the baby or the only other person who he talks to? If it’s the baby, we’re not getting the full meaning of all the bas. If it’s the friend, it sounds like they have a suicide pact.
MW: Jared scratching his head: “I said drink but I guess kissing my girlfriend on the mouth will do.”
MW:
“No, Jared! We have to declare a forfeit first, since she obviously can’t complete our match without a partner!”
Archie: No, Archie! You gave him the glass of motor oil!
H&J: If you’re wondering why the restaurant is empty, it’s because Jamal and his chicken friend are behind the counter, just out of frame.
DD: I always wondered what was up with Daddy’s weird proportions. Now I know he’s actually an immortal hydra
GG: It’s funny that this strip spends so much time on Gertie’s NASCAR obsession, rather than the fact that she is some kind of hideous giantess that threatens the people of her town. I guess comics readers are just more into slice-of-life strips than Lovecraftian horror.
Daddy: So it’s not just a game he plays with the baby. In his private thoughts, the protagonist actually believes that the baby is having complex conversations with him.
Gertie: The artist doesn’t even draw cars that well.
Actually keeping a single chicken isolated from other chickens and wild birds is a perfect way to avoid bird flu. Kudos for being unknowingly scientifically accurate, Herb and Jamaal!
H&J: Well, at least they spared us the sight of a rectal thermometer.
Gearhead Gertie is like one of those Evangelical Christians who could not believe people are not convinced by the Gospel or the concept of God, so they just assume there are people in the world — hell, in America! — who have never heard of Jesus Christ. This shows the NASCAR is for Gertie is a bit like … scratch that, it’s exactly like religion!
You’ve chosen an Archie strip written when Star Trek Alt Universe inspired visits were popular tropes. When the acid filled burrito fails, evil Archie attempts to stab unsuspecting good universe Jughead. Luckily, good samaritan Reggie intervenes.
What does the S on Jughead’s shirt stand for? “Shirt”?
@BeckoningChasm:
One Archie comic ended with Veronica saying “I had always assumed it stood for ‘Stupid’, but now I’m inclined to say it stands for ‘Sexy’. “
I wonder why Daddy Daze broke the typical formula.
Shouldn’t it be:
Baby: ba ba ba!
Daddy: If life expectancy keeps going up as you get older, you can could up immortal?
Daddy: (Looks to the audience) Man, I’d hate to be doing this forever.
“Daddy days minus baby” doesn’t have the same charm to it really…
GG — NASCAR sure has changed since I last saw it *checks notes* twenty years ago. The present-day version seems to have a lone car hurtling forward from the crest of a hill.
DD — Ba ba ba ba ba. Ba BA BA BA ba ba.
@Anonymous: Yikes. I hope I never accidentally stumble on that particular strip.
Archie: Perhaps Jughead’s fabled hunger isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, given that panel 3 reveals that his “spiciest burrito ever” is clearly just half a Twinkie.
H&J: A normal comic would show Herb explaining this to a friend or a customer, but that would require drawing another person. So instead we just get Herb silently narrating the events of the day in his own head, like he’s Carrie from Sex and the City. “Meanwhile across town, Samantha was checking the temperature of her eggs every day too.”
Archie – Biting commentary on the inefficacy of paper straws – very topical….
H&J – Would have been funny with an anal reading….
DD – Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba bad – Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba bad – Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba bad – Ba-ba bad-ad-ad….
GG – In panel one, she looks like some kind of big brother (well, sister) is watching billboard. You’ve got to get in touch with the people, big brother (OK – sister), and make them understand….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Daddy Daze:
No, no, all good, loving it over here.
MW: Wow, kudos to everyone that predicted threesome or throuple, I really thought you guys were nuts. Well done. I guess now I have to go over here and SOB!
Also Daddy Daze: [Roy Scheider, staring at Angus as evidence of immortality emerges] You’re going to need more fingers.
I’m waiting for Dawn to FART!
@Ettorre: Living near Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin, I can testify that you are correct, Sir. You can even get a special license plate for purposes of evangelism!
First Luann. Then the pace picked up:
Last time Josh commented on Archie: 2016
Before this week, last time Josh commented on Herb and Jamaal: 2016
Bets on 9 Chickweed Lane?
@Dennis Jimemez: H&J – Would have been funny with an anal reading….
I initially read this as “A&J” and was marveling at Jimmy Johnson’s ability to, well, keep busting down doors.
Gearhead Gertie: A sports superfan refusing to go outside during the season is worrisome, of course, but I also worry about Gertie’s lack of socialization. Where are her family and friends, gathered around the television yelling, hooting, playing farkle on the home bar top, gulping down Busch Ultra Lite by the caseload? Or is that just a Wisconsin thing? It’s just a Wisconsin thing, isn’t it.
@Lurker Who Seldom Posts:
Same day Jesus returns in his awful glory to judge the living and the dead and the world with fire, possibly causing the same.
Luann: Okay, hold up. I thought B-wad’s ‘cake’ had come out a flat, charred, inedible mass of carbon dust. TJ’s not the ‘Greatest Chef Ever’, he’s literally a wizard! Does that mean we can burn him (and the other *witches* of this strip) at the stake now?
RMMD: Cut! Seedy Guy, your line is ‘Buncha Joiks! Who do dey t’ink dey are?’ Now try it again and don’t drop your accent this time!
JP: Yes you are, Randy. You ALWAYS talk about this. It’s all you’re capable of doing.
MW: Yes, let’s give her some space by both of us hugging her. Next we will give her a drink by keeping the glass away from her.
That second panel is confusing. Is Archie angrily smacking Jughead, causing his friend to splash his face with the water? Is Jughead shocked by Archie, er… “throwing his heart to him” so in the rush to block the image from everyone, splashed his own face with the water? Or is it just the simplest explanation that Archie is waving to Reggie who just came in to the restaurant off-panel while Jughead has developed an Airplane!-style drinking problem?
MW: I seem to be alone in this belief but this isn’t over. Dirk will be back.
Daddy: If had only three fingers on my hands– each the dimension of a large ballpark frank– and a small laptop to type on, I too might want to end it here and now.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: FART being an accurate description to the vast majority of this story line…
DtM: A similar situation involving my wife, our neighbor, and their child has us getting our house ready for sale.
Very funny, ha, ha
Wrecks Moregone:
“Who do they think they are?”
….paying customers?
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Wary Morth:
“SOB,” Dusk curses, as Whatsername gives her several centimetres of distant hug space and Jared lets her cry tears to drink.
@Professor Well Actually: Maybe he’ll end up being the comic’s recurring “villain”?
Personally if I could choose it would have been Esme.
MW – Since Moy has a lazy tendency to dispose of temporary characters by just having them storm off in a huff (Brad, Helen) I’m placing my bet on Dirk not coming back. I hope I’m right, not simply because I want to be right but because I can’t stand Dirk.
When I saw Archie on this site, I had to check my calendar to make sure I didn’t time warp. Happy days are here again, folks!
MW: A half hour later, Dawn gets a call from Mary.
“Dawn, I just went past your apartment. Someone trashed it.”
“Daddy’s back!”
What in the name of Pureheart the Powerful is Archie doing in panel 2? It looks like he’s using a Musk Salute to summon a bisexual pride flag and Jughead is just pretending to choke to cover up the proceedings. All three actions seem out of character, though, so maybe I’m wrong.
GG: Time for some pedantry. IIRC a gearhead is someone who has an interest in cars that involves some sort of mechanical ability. Gertie just likes to watch stock car racing, and specifically stock car racing put on by one specific sanctioning body – one she never fails to call out by name. This strip is just an advertisement for NASCAR, isn’t it? Time to follow the money.
god this medium is just dead now, based on today’s choices. Can we get some editors to just come in and just purge some of these absolutely awful travesties poisoning the legacy of a once great American art form? I’m not kidding,this is seriously depressing.
Daddy Daze – Angus is a pretty smart baby, but he doesn’t understand convergent series. I, for one, am disappointed.
CS: Sorry, Ed, but getting suckered by scam artists has been a thing a long long time.
JP: “Okay, Mister Parker, I’ve got to go. Just leave it here and I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Sophie. I appreciate it. I guess I can sleep on the couch. Got anything to eat? And where’s the remote? Oh, and I’ll need fresh towels.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“That stuff labeled DRINK ME was delicious, Veronica”
“Thanks, Abundio”
“Is that it for the Alice in Wonderland theme?”
“No…”
“Wait till you see where I put the EAT ME sign!”
“Good news, my eggs are going to be bird-flue-free! Bad news, the chicken bit the thermometer, so the eggs are filled with mercury!”
6Chx: Sorry, Ladies, but DOGE has outlawed paper egg cartons.
GT: Uh-oh, Rodney’s posse is about to enter the transfer portal.
@BeckoningChasm:
Yeah, and he has “P” on his pants.
*rimshot*
Archie: I’m not saying the main characters of Archie are terminally white, but that “spicy” burrito that Jughead is smoldering over appears to be filled entirely with mayonnaise.
GG: Josh has been featuring this one off and on for a while now, and I have to say I’m not impressed. The writers don’t seem to want to get into the weeds much with the details of auto racing, so their punchlines are limited to “Gertie likes NASCAR, a lot.” I mean, even Crankshaft rotates between three or four stock gags.
H&J: I’m pretty sure you can’t get bird flu from store-bought eggs, especially if they’re properly prepared. I AM pretty sure you can get bird flu from amateur poultry farming. When the next pandemic begins, we’ll know who was Patient Zero for zoonotic transfer!
JP- Sure-leave the drive unattended for a few hours; what could possibly go wrong?
@Bob Tice:
“Oww! — why’d you plant me on my duff on the sidewalk like that???”
You might have written fanny which would have left our British readers pretty confused.
Archie – Don’t let the literal smoke and figurative mirrors distract you from the fact that Jughead somehow managed to pull a reverse Jesus and turn that Coca-Cola into water. Perhaps this act of minor wizardry is also tied to his ability to create smoke to display his discomfort. Archie exists n the same universe as Sabrina the Teenage Witch, maybe Jughead is secretly more magical than he is given credit for.
Herb and Jamaal – Newspapers have been declining for decades, but Herb and Jamaal creator Stephen Bentley knows there will always be a demand (and more importantly, money) for comics in an important source of material – textbooks in need of “funny” illustrations to lighten up otherwise serious discussion. Children in high school today will get a mild chuckle (or simply a break from an wall of text) in the next 4 – 20 years when this comic circulates in various college health textbooks addressing bird flus and other pandemics.
Daddy Daze – Sadly, Daddy Daze has achieved immortality, as the American Psychiatric Association will add this strip into a new illustrated edition of the DSM as an example of clinical depression. They would have preferred to use Charlie Brown, but the Schulz estate wants too much money for a license.
Gearhead Gertie – Cartoonist Mike Smith was clearly looking outside his window, bereft of any good ideas for his long-running NASCAR strip, cursing the day he committed his professional future to such a shallow idea, while others simply went about there day. Well he would show them, he would us all! He would hit us with the most mediocre comic he could imagine.
Jughead spontaneously combusting wouldn’t be the strangest thing to happen in Riverdell. It wouldn’t even make the top 10. Neither would the inevitable X-files crossover it spawned.
DT: “No, no! That’s Ezekiel 23:20!”
In honor of how Classic Archie would use two rhyming words as a strip title, I nominate:
HEAT TREAT
GLUG CHUG
SMOKE CHOKE
MW: The real revelation in this story was how paper-thin Dirk’s act was.
GG is watching a boxy car with a spoiler and window netting going down a hill, without a single advertisement to be seen anywhere. I don’t know she’s watching, but it is decidely not NASCAR.
C’shaft: Crankshaft has never shown an interest in divination before today and he will never show it again, but when have such details ever stopped Batiuk from a painfully forced set-up?
DT: Kinda weird that Sam would cryptically cite a verse about not punishing fathers for the sins of their children and vice versa, rather than saying, “Um, NO, Liz, that is literally not how our justice system works at all, are you crazy?” (Also, Sam’s Jewish, right? Shouldn’t he call it “Devarim”?)
Dustin: A conversation without shaming his son for being worthless and lazy, or even for talking about “love” like a sissy? Is Dustdad feeling well? Maybe he’s one of those people who can’t be hateful and cruel before their morning coffee.
GT: “I mean, I’ve always known you were full of yourself, but now everyone else does too.”
JP: “We’re not going to talk about how many people my wife and in-laws have killed either, for the record.”
Luann: I’m not sure you can just turn a collapsed cake into cake pops and call it good, but I am sure Brad wouldn’t know that.
MW: Most awkward group hug ever.
Pluggers are easily distracted, and should probably be tested for adult ADHD.
RMMD: Actually your one character trait is not being able to acknowledge your own not-welcomeness, but who’s counting?
RMMD:
Is Josh sending us a message by including today’s “Daddy Daze”?
@TheDiva: Speaking of adult ADHD, apparently I’m not paying attention to my Rex Morgan citations.
GT: Milford athletics is bigger, more important, and better covered than about 150 NCAA D-I programs. Some of the Milhouses there are now afraid because “Nobody told me there was gonna be boasting”.
Pluggers have the higher rate of rickets in the developed world. Well, if you call their circumstances “developed”.
BG&SS was written before Covid and before RFKJr promised to make polio, diptheria, dysentry, cholera, mumps, and measles great again. Maybe Comics Kingdom should double-check or even single-check these reruns before they’re posted.
If you wondered, like I did a couple years ago, how many very specific jokes you can make about an old lady who’s crazy into NASCAR, it turns out the answer is A LOT! If you wondered, like I didn’t, how many of the jokes are funny, the answer is NOT ONE.
GT: “Look out, here comes a special guest appearance from dead movie reviewer Roger Ebert!!”
“Thumbs down!!!”
@astroboy: Mr. Alora’s connections to certain South American businessmen mean the prompt disposal of characters who annoy Mary, or as she’s known in parts of Colombia, the Death Muffin.
Archie – The text says burrito, but the food item in the last panel is giving Twinkie vibes. Oozing, sad Twinkie.
DD — Oh, come on now. This strip has only existed since 2018. With any luck, “Da” will be endlessly interacting with an infant for decades to come. He’s got lots of time before he earns a Trixie Flagston existential crisis.
Archie: Geez, Archie is sort of a jerk, isn’t he? Wouldn’t Reggie have worked better in this strip?
Aww, what do I know? The last time I looked at an Archie comic, Archie was dead, Jughead was a flesh-eating zombie, Veronica was a vampire and Sabrina was unwittingly dating her own dad who was apparently the lord of hell.
Man, Al Hartley must be spinning in his grave.
Hi and Lois: Yes it’s better to give valentine cards to all your classmates, being pansexual is very trendy!
Pluggers: Since this is a world populated by humanoid animals where are they getting the milk from? Is there a Cow Plugger somewhere?
Jump Start: That Fire Hydrant sure is going to get a lot of photos of the dogs that constantly urinate on them. (Probably a lot of vagrants too)
Family Circus: They are definitely contemplating on how to murder Billy and I can’t say I blame them.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
So, Tuesday?
GG – Gertie’s the only person/object not levitating. Glad to see her obsession with NASCAR keeps her grounded.
Bizarro: The Pillsbury Dough Boy has apparently murdered someone for non consensual belly poking and is being arrested and probably charged with some kind of homicide. Hilarious!
ARCHIE: “Anyway, don’t be a baby! It can’t be that hot!” Archie insists, because while he can see actual smoke was coming out of Jughead’s ears in panel 1, Archie is aware that he resides in a cartoon universe, and is certain that this is non-diegetic smoke, which exists to the readers but not to him. Thus, dutifully, he ignores it. But no! Horror of horrors, the final panel shows poor, devastated Archie that the smoke is very real, and caused by an actual, diegetic, existing-from-the-characters’-point-of-view fire in the Jugheadian stomach, thus proving the burrito to be an actual fire hazard, burning like the Pyriphlegethon.
“Alas!” Archie thinks! “What I thought was merely visual shorthand had in fact the form of literal fires, devouring my companion! I regret my flippant treatment of his agony! Oh, if only he lives long enough to forgive my insolence!”
@Lurker Who Seldom Posts: Here’s hoping! Don’t seem to be any asteroids headed our way.
“I’d hate to be doing this forever”. Sorry to say, if Daddy Daze is successful enough it will become a legacy strip and you’ll be doing this until the end of the universe or the funnies page, whatever comes first
If Crankshaft wanted his fortune told, shouldn’t he have gone to, I dunno, a “fortune teller” rather than a hypnotist? Is today’s joke that Crankshaft is stupid?
Most people know that for spicy foods, the proper drink is something dairy, to wash away the capsicum oil. Of course, Jughead may have been trying this, and an acute lactose intolerance resulted in fire, smoke and possibly brimstone. So he’s just (incompetently) drinking water to put out the literal fire, which is STILL wrong, because you can’t put out an oil fire with water!
Welcome back, Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000! I see that you understand that fleshy beings like “hot” food but if it is too hot, it is discomfortable. Unfortunately, like all AI you are limited by your training set and this being English, you lack a distinct term for that type of “hot” — “picante” — hence the confusion with fire and smoke. You should just be proud to be the first generative AI and that even more recent and expensive LLMs make stupid mistakes such as these!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: um, about that…
Don’t worry, Daddy Daze’s dad! Angus was thinking about himself being immortal, since he has decades of medical discoveries ahead of him making this possible. He knows that you are already one foot in the grave!
Is the Daddy Dazy’s dad insane? Sure, but his embrace of death means that at least he is not using his son to get regular blood transfusions or measuring his erections. If you know what I’m talking about, you’re too much on the internet
The Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 is forcing us to imagine Jughead’s bowel movements. I knew we should have done more to ensure AI alignment!
@10 Pozzo:
Just wait. He’ll be checking out Herb next and he can’t use the same thermometer he used on the chicken.
Hey, I put on a pair of pants this morning that I haven’t worn in a while and found $30 in the pocket. That might make a good Plugger contribution.
A plugger’s version of winning the lottery is finding money in an old article of clothing.
Dennis the Menace Spanish to English.
H & J: Actually, according to a poultry farm website, the way to check a chicken’s temperature is to place an infrared thermometer near, or in, the bird’s cloaca. So poor Jamaal, despite his good intentions and precautions, is doing it wrong, and if that hen is indeed infected with “a bird illness,” H & J are gonna be in a world of hurt with the local Health Department and angry customers.
@Guillermo el chiclero: #83
“A plugger’s version of winning the lottery is finding money in an old article of clothing.”
Not to mention emptying the vacuum cleaner bag and combing through the lint, crumbs, pet hair and dirt for random pennies. That would be the Plugger equivalent of a quickie “pick three” scratch-off ticket.
RexMD: Cue “Street Sweeper”!
FC: “Grandma likes me best ’cause I remind her of Daddy when he was little” says Billy playing pocket pool.
@TheDiva: Speaking of adult ADHD, apparently I’m not paying attention to my Rex Morgan citations.
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Unacceptable! What kind of comics scholar are you anyway?
@Guillermo el chiclero:
That could also be the Pluggers savings plan.
Or if it’s from a dead relative’s old clothes, the only way Pluggers inherit money
Daddy Daze: So you have a pre-verbal infant who’s aware of the passage of time, the human aging process, advances in medical technology, and his own mortality? You might want to close your laptop, Daddy — when the government finds out about this miracle genius baby, you’ll both be spending “forever” in an underground lab somewhere.
MW: Dawn: “Son of a bitch!”
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
Archie: Uh-oh, kids! Jughead’s been possessed by the smoke monster from Lost! Soon he’ll be talking like Titus Welliver and than what’ll we do?!
Herb And Jamal: I don’t pay a lot of attention to Herb and Jamal, so I’m curious, is the entire thing just Jamal doing dumbass shit while Herb stares off into the void and thinks real hard about it?
Daddy Daze: By hilarious coincidence, this strip is on the same day as the newest episode of Invincible (one of my favorite shows based on one of my favorite comics by one of my favorite writers, Robert Kirkman), a series which has immortality and the effects it has on the mental states of the characters as a major recurring theme. What’s more, Angus’ delusion bears remarkable similarity to how the immortality of the Viltrumites in Invincible works (i.e., the older they get, the slower they age). It remains to be seen whether this means we’re heading into a shocking arc where the Daddy Daze Daddy will bloodily murder a bunch of other comic strip characters because he sees them as inferior for not having his slowed aging, but I’m hopeful!
Gearhead Gertie: Gertie seethes in rage and prepares to write an entire new chapter in her radical Pro-NASCAR political manifesto, this one about how the Non-NASCAR-Fan bourgeoisie should be thrown to the baying mobs.
MW: The irony is that the most realistic thing about this storyline is Dawn crying about yet another breakup. But we still have to deal with Creepy Jared and Useless Jess pretending that they care before Mary prepares to extort another undeserved meal from Jeff.
I used to not like it when Josh featured strips I didn’t read but now I realize there are advantages. I can breeze through the comments faster than Evelyn Wood.
BTW: You’re a Plugger if you get the Evelyn Wood reference.
When do we get the spinoff/reboot “Henrietta &Jamal”?
Archie: If you were to write an article called “I Am Jughead’s Colon,” I think it would take the form of a suicide note.
H&J: The lack of business allows Herb plenty of time to think, but he thinks only of Jamaal.
Daze: I wonder how many “ba”s it took to convey, “If life expectancy keeps going up as you get older, you could end up being immortal”? I’ll say seven. What’s the over-under on a thing like this?
GG: Gearhead Gertie definitely gave herself that nickname, and she’s pissy when people don’t use it. “It’s Gearhead Gertie, thank you.”
Archie-Jughead then drops dead to the ground due to severe burns. “Uh, we’re going to need another Jughead,” Archie says.
Dawn hasn’t had a relationship this messed-up, weird and just plain icky since the one-armed aquaphobic who dated Dawn because she looked just like his dead sister.*
Makes me long for the days when a Dawn breakup just meant something like catching Dr. Drew cheating on her and b!tchslapping him upside the head.
(*For those ‘mudges who don’t follow Mary Worth, that was a Thing that actually happened.)
@astroboy:
Did Josh cover that storyline, or does that precede the blog?