I declare victory in my long war against Crock
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Herb and Jamaal, 10/29/25
One of my personal crosses to bear is that I cannot just go along with it when comics deliberately, and for “humorous” effect, conflate fire hydrants with toilets in ways that imply that they don’t actually understand why and how dogs pee on fire hydrants. But at least the strips I’ve complained about to this point involve whimsically anthropomorphized animals. Herb and Jamaal, by contrast, is about humans, who should know better, which is why I find this strip particularly puzzling. Is this supposed to be some kind of dog pee joke? Does Herb not realize that the water that comes out of a fire hose is the exact same water that comes out of a fire hydrant — that indeed fire hydrants exist entirely to supply water to hoses? Does Herb think that the water coming out of a hydrant is infected with dog pee, somehow? Is he visualizing someone putting their mouths right on a fire hydrant, the way you’re not supposed to put your mouth on a drinking fountain, but a lot of people do anyway? There’s a lot to think about here, and none of it pleasant.
Crock, 10/29/25
Oh, does the syndicated newspaper comic strip Crock want us to think it’s silly that this Legionnaire has some jokes about buzzards to tell? Well, if that’s so, why does the syndicated newspaper comic strip Crock tell jokes about buzzards all the time? Heh heh, I’ve now caught this strip in an act of hypocrisy from which there is surely no coming back.
Dustin, 10/29/25
Ha ha, fellas! You know how sometimes you can’t tell whether or not you can get horny anymore, because you hate your wife so much? This sure is relatable content, for guys!
186 replies to “I declare victory in my long war against Crock”
Look at Kudlick’s dead stare. Wait a minute! This abyss! IT GAZES ALSO!
I read the hydrant joke as referring simply to the volume of bad news. Maybe I should read more Mother Goose and Grimm.
Crock, meta: Years ago, you did declare victory, which caused the artist to die. Fear the Fruhlinger!
S4th: “What are those guys from the ‘Bill & Ted’ movies doing up there?
“Oh, geez, we’re in the wrong play! But how did you score Broadway tickets for Waiting for Godot in the first place?”
yS4th: That’s a pretty good comeback, I’ll admit.
JP: It’s the “Frankenstein Name” conundrum all over again. “Dude” is the name of the squirrel. “Dud” is the name of the nanny.
I note Crock does not actually TELL the great buzzard joke, as that would require Crock to tell a great joke. Or any decent ranking of joke, really. Keep it to yourself, Legionnaire. Maybe you can crawl into, like, Sherman’s Lagoon.
DT: His Majesty? Well, we now know this takes place in the Edwardian Era and not the Victorian as we assumed.
Crock:
“Question?”
“If we march until we’re exhausted, will we get ‘Legionnaire’s‘ Disease?”
Herb takes a moment: “Why IS this mug so huge? No wonder our profits on coffee suck! It’s just like drinking from a water tower!” Because Herb’s on a roll, and his water containment vehicle metaphors will not be denied.
I owe my Mom 80 dollars, but neither me nor my Mom can remember what it was for.
I think that we may be pluggers.
@Tonio: But the volume, it should be the same, right? Because the fire hose is attached to the fire hydrant. Eliminating the hose shouldn’t, at the level of volume at play here, significantly increase the volume.
Dustin: “Saw a lot of guys online and can’t get horny with my wife”.
“You may be right, Ed. Homoerotic fantasies shouldn’t prevent heteronormative sex. I’ll get you that prescription right away.”
Crock:
“Okay, so here’s the joke. A buzzard goes to the ticket counter at an airport, clutching a satchel containing something in its beak. ‘Are you going to check that bag?’ asks the agent. ‘No,’ replies the buzzard. ‘It’s my carrion!’ ”
Wary Morth:
Watch out Dr Jeff THE MIND CONTROL ALIEN’S MARY WORTH FLESH MASK IS SHIFTING AND ITS REAL FIRM IS ABOUT TO BE REVEALED RUN Dr Jeff RUN.
H&J: ACTUALLY Herb, water flows FASTER out of the fire hose than the hydrant, because the nozzle is designed to narrow and pressurise the flow. It’s like you don’t even understand Bernoulli’s principle, Herb, you MORON.
Dustin: Look, we all knew the first comic character to fall into the Andrew Tate manosphere would be Dustin’s dad. All that’s surprising is that it took this long.
I hate to have to hand it to Dustin’s dad, but at least when falling victim to testosterone and supplements scam, he first checked with a medical professional! Many other comics characters would already be injecting steroids!
I can say Dustin and his son or Dustin and his dad, I don’t know and don’t want to know, both those losers, would benefit enormously from some testosterone.
Does the doctor with a magnificent chin holds in contempt a chinless freak like Dustin’s dad and consider him less of a man? Yes, but not for the chin
@Schroduck: There is actually a recognised phenomenon where spending a lot of time with children who you love and care for causes fathers’ testosterone levels to temporarily fall, but we all know THAT’S not Dustin’s dad’s problem.
Crock:
“Okay, here’s another one for you. A prodigal commander observes a grunt buzzard stepping off in the direction of one of the Great Plains States. ‘Why are you marching off to Kansas?’ the commander inquires. ‘ “Carrion,” my wayward son!’ replies the buzzard.”
H&J I guess the real difference between drinking from the fire hose and the hydrant is that for one you have to bend over, which actually works for the metaphor, I guess…
Crock It’s a shame they didn’t have an extra panel in which to tell that joke, instead of… /motions with hand/ all of this.
Dustin You know, for all those ads ending in ‘ask your doctor about…’ I’ve never actually seen it in action. Seems…awkward.
I used to be irritated by “Herb and Jamaal” non-specific vagueness, but now that joking about America’s dear leaders can get you fired or visited by federal agencies, I have to concede that it is the only possible way to do political satire
@Ettorre: I believe that comic strips are one of the few mediums that get past that radar. Because really no-one (besides us) cares about comic strips.
That’s why Mother Goose and Grimm can draw Snow White and Grumpy a few weeks back and have literally no lawsuits from Disney.
(Edit: I get Mike Smith confused with the other cartoonist Mike Peters, I can’t remember which did MG&G and which did Gearhead Gertie and I don’t care enough to check)
@Tonio: ‘ I read the hydrant joke as referring simply to the volume of bad news..“
You read it correctly. The water from the hydrant would be an unfocused torrent. The hose (and the pumper truck) focus the stream and mitigate pressure.
@Chance: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/dangers-connecting-directly-hydrant-firefightingwhy-vrmje?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios&utm_campaign=share_via
MW: An oceanside stroll after dinner at the Bum Boat?? Will the edgy, innovative ideas never stop?
DtM: In this round of, “Martha: Malicious or Oblivious,” I’m on the fence. If she’s THAT out of it, she shouldn’t be allowed near a hot stove.
9CL: It’s disturbing but utterly unsurprising that Edda’s literary upbringing involved more Penthouse Forum than Dr Seuss.
@Jerp+jump: Exactly! How can they replace something they never had?
Mary Worth:
“Let’s ramp up the aerobic benefits by doing my favorite jaunty little Texas Two-Step together as we traipse down the pier, Mary!”
“No. Don’t say it, Jeff.”
“Yep. Cory-ography!”
H&J: I think the sentiment is same shit different day or 6 and 1/2 dozen of the other.
Josh, you already won the war against Crock.
All these years, you were actually funny.
@The Rambling Otter: Image: mom-plugger and adult child-Plugger glaring at each other. Caption: “Pluggers would rather save $80 than end a disagreement with a close family member.”
MW: Mary and Jeff continue to practice their A-LM Human basic dialogs over dinner. At first confident of their successful assimilation as Earthlings, Mary suddenly faces a setback when she realizes that Jeff has come out wearing only three fingers and a thumb.
So I realize I say this whenever I read Crock, today’s nothing special, silly to get my hopes up, really, but here we are: What’s the joke?
Dustin: The only way he’d get testosterone replacement would be if it came in the form of donuts, preferably by the dozen so he could shove them all in his mouth at once, a la Homer Simpson.
JP: Well, Neddy will be seeing that mask again tonight in her nightmares, and then in waking life when CIApril dons it as she ‘ties up loose ends’ before whisking the raspberry-haired brat off to the safehouse.
The Herb and Jamaal idea is that it’s the same even if it superficially looks different.
It has nothing to do with dogs pissing on hydrants.
@MKay: I keep wondering if the”Bum Boat” name has any meaning. If I heard the name without seeing the images, I would guess it was a place like Hooters, except where the focus is on bottoms.
Crock — Something, something, something. . . the Aristocrats!
Dustin — When I’m confronted with a medical question, I always ask myself–What Would Rex Morgan Do?
I’m guessing it’s not hormone replacement. . .
Herb and Jamaal is very funny and right on target with the description of the news these days. Josh is trying hard to be cynical and it’s not working.
Not to be too morbid, but I can see Josh’s obituary now: “Lost his battle against Crock and cancer too, I guess.”
@Schroduck: Yes, but if you’re talking about drinking, what matters should be the volume you have to swallow at a time, and the volume flow rate is exactly the same because the whole point of Bernouilli’s equation is to deal with ideal incompressible flow. He fails to understand it, but in a different way!
Herb and Jamaal: Does Herb not understand that if you drink from a fire hose and/or hydrant, you have to do something with all that water? Herb’s got a lot of opinions to share on his Facebook, is what I’m saying, urine is the least of our problems, and may God have mercy on our souls.
@The Rambling Otter:
I WAS thinking that Josh v. Crock was kinda on the level of B–man v. The Guy Who Brought Joker A Pizza.
FG Speaking of words only having the power they give them, why *is* everyone on Mongo taking the projected speech at face value, definitely from a live, returning Ming? I’d bet on the witch-queen laughing her shapely butt off at the rubes who’ve never heard of recordings, let alone deepfake illusions.
Dustin: “I’ll write you an order for a Multiple Whore Imaging test. Our office is out by the truck stop, bring your health insurance, Social Security and bank account information, they should be able to get you right in.”
@Rocco:
Indeed. Did you hear about those clowns in Congress? What a bunch of clowns!
DT: The h pawn is missing (aka king rook’s pawn), but to the credit of the artist, the board is set up correctly. Queens on their colors! The misplaced pieces is by far the most common error committed when depicting chess in TV and movies.
JP: That is a lot of beautiful camel hair brushes in that fake tail.
MW: So this will drag on into a recap on Sunday – will we see any of the boardwalk, beach or just the same old backgrounds?
You can tell the level of intellectual engagement in Crock is not high. If this were any kind of conference, the Legionnaire would open with “This is less of a question and more of a comment…”
@The Rambling Otter: Or why Hi and Lois was able to call for the violent overthrow of the government. You could look it up!
Crock: Somebody just failed the Voight-Kampff test.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
!!! Does Josh actually have that? Would I have to write “Josh’s Story”?
(“Josh’s Story” would hypothetically be a compilation of the best riffs from this blog, as well as notes and praises from us Mudges, and a forward from a noted “GOOD” cartoonist who supports the site)
H&J: “Okay. I get it. Hydrant is a bad metaphor. I’ll say it’s like ‘drinking from an open weir’, like anyone knows what a ‘weir’ is. Happy now!? Sheesh“
As always, Herb and Jamal‘s intentions are hard to guess because the strip’s vague writing renders everything incomprehensible. It’s kind of amazing that the strip has title characters. Him and the Other One lets you know there are at least two people in the strip, what else do you need?
No, Dustin. You get credit for making it plausible that the balding potato-shaped husband landed an inexplicably hot wife (they are both evil). But having set that up, you don’t get to make “no sex after marriage” jokes.
Phantom: Guest Writer: Bob Weber, Jr. And we’ll find out the General is being funded by Dr. Weirdly.
@The Rambling Otter: Thinking my comment over, I’m not certain if Josh would find my comment morbid, or a touching sentiment.
@matt w: Kudos, that’s savage!
H&J: “And just to dot the i on this joke, we’ll draw a fire hydrant in the first panel….though if it wasn’t for the joke itself, we could forgive you for mistaking it for a garbage can.”
@Allangary: Interesting theory, but have we ever seen any of the staff at the Bum Boat? For that matter, have we ever seen any customers other than Mary and Jeff? This may be another data point for the “Mary is psychotic” theory.
@Little Guy: I couldn’t even imagine anthropomorphic animals being drawn in The Phantom’s realistic style.
But now I kind of want to see such a thing.
H&J-Water? Like out of the toilet?
RMMD-“Then in three years when my bestselling Pulitzer winning book gets optioned for a movie than I’ll quit teaching.”
MW-“Then maybe we can take a ‘walk’ under the boardwalk.”
MW – So they decided to have dessert and then take a stroll. I guess that wraps up the Dinner at the Bumboat storyline. On to the next adventure!
Dustin: I just looked at the Helen KUdlick character, and to be honest I wouldn’t fuck her either. Not even with Ed Kudlick’s dick.
Dustin’s dad, dude, the dream is dead. Maybe you had a sparkling personality in your youth, but nobody who can communicate with you as your are now would dream of having sex with you, not even your wife who, being Dustin’s mom, is no catch herself. I’m pretty sure you getting an AI girlfriend will be what brings about SkyNet trying to end humanity. Keep an eye out for a man named John Connor, he will be there to end you before it happens.
I always thought those letters were fake until this happened to me . . .
RMMD: “Take a year off to write the sequel kind of money. But in the meantime, I’m a little short. Would you mind…?”
MW: At this stage of Mary’s fever dream, her fork with pie turns into a toothbrush with paste in P2.
JP: As much as I like Charlotte, for a five year old to build a mask like that from ordinary household items would take prodigal amounts of skill and intelligence.
No, I don’t think it needs to be taken as a dog-pee joke at all. Rather, the first part is using an illustrative comparison to say “Some days it feels pretty violent or drastic .. “. Then with that set-up, the “On other days …” part seems like it will be a comparison to something milder. But instead of “something milder” the strip wants to surprise us with “something equally violent or drastic” — indeed, almost the very same thing.
“. . . and then the buzzard says ‘well, at least I’m not a vulture!’ Get it? Well, I don’t care if you don’t think it’s funny, but that talking buzzard down the way, you know, the one that hangs out with that kid, it couldn’t stop laughing.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Is McEldowney okay? Like, really? I mean, I think we always suspected him of drawing with his left hand, but between this and the Thorax shit, he probably needs safety pencils and circles of paper
@Allangary: @34: The Bum Boat WAS once a posterial version of Hooters, but Mary convinced the young women that self-respect was better than a nightly boatload (buttload?) of tips.
Now that we’ve established Charlotte’s parents sent her the mask, along with instructions for activating the built-in radio and location transponder, what happens next? I’m betting on Halloween all the kids are wearing similar masks, as “Dud the Squirrel” is the new breakaway hit on TikTok or whatever they’re all watching, greatly complicating the CIA’s plans to whisk Charlotte away.
Dustin – Does talking to your doctor about sex count as oral sex? Asking for
Dustin’s fathera friend.In defense of Herb and Jamaal, he’s perhaps saying that while drinking from a fire hose is a lot, at least it’s directed in a way, but water directly coming out of a hydrant just sprays all over the place with no kind of direction.
But maybe I’m giving it too much credit.
Dustin: Yes, Dustdad, the reason you’re not getting any is because you’re married, and as we all know heteronormative marriage means the end of sex and romance forever. It’s certainly not because you’re a bitter, self-absorbed jackass who hasn’t eaten a vegetable since his mother forced him to, thinks walking from the couch to the fridge counts as exercise, never has a kind word for anyone ever and and treats his wife (and indeed, women in general) as some kind of unfathomable alien creature useful only when she is gratifying you personally.
GT: Retconning Gil Thorp as an apparent pedophile who preyed on his students and married one of them is an….interesting…choice in 2025.
@Arkholt:
Yes: it is logically impossible to give Herb and Jamaal too little credit. This is axiomatic.
@Ken: There have been customers in the background but that doesn’t mean they were really there. Mary’s newfound interest in people with psychic abilities may have tuned them in from far and wide.
@Hibbleton: MW: At this stage of Mary’s fever dream, her fork with pie turns into a toothbrush with paste in P2.
And, as with other utensils and cell phones in the Worthiverse, the proper way to hold functional objects completely escapes Mary’s comprehension.
9CL: Soooooo…..Two days, ago he finds a “girlie magazine” that’s all wet…and he’s not so sure it’s with water……and he picks it up and proceeds to thumb through it? I don’t know how many STDs you can contract through your hands, but if anyone deserves to…
@The Rambling Otter:
And who would play the role of “Josh”? Damian Lewis? Michael Fassbender? Conan O’Brien?
Emphatically not … [removes sunglasses] … David Caruso.
The Lockhorns might be funny if Leroy was bitching about his wife’s driving to some taller, normalish-looking acquaintance who we don’t recognize and will never see again.
Gasoline Alley: This is a good setup and punchline from a writer whose third language is English.
Wait…
MW:
“Speaking of exercise after a meal, Mary-”
“Don’t push your luck, bud.”
FC: Want to know why this isn’t interesting (besides the normal reasons)? It’s an altered rerun from 1965. Originally Billy was made up as Cesar Chavez.
As the Keanes realized any normies in their suburb would squick out, and ICE would send him to Somalia, certain changes had to be made.
MW: there’s something wrong with Mary’s face. Her eyes are growing apart.
C’shaft: Hey, if you can’t trust an anonymous venture capitalist who disguises himself with pizza boxes, who can you trust?
DT: I’m guessing the one missing pawn is going to be a vital clue to all of this? Not that it matters, as the Minit Mysteries never seem to be solved by evidence presented throughout the story so much as one random fact dropped in the third-to-last panel of the final Sunday strip.
JP: GAAAAAAAAH! Take it away, take it away! She looks like a character rejected from the Five Nights and Freddy’s franchise for being too creepy! If that thing came trick-or-treating at my door I’d freak out and start hitting it over the head with the candy bowl!
Luann: Seems like the secret to having an interesting life is getting as far away from Luann as possible. I’ll bet Knute’s doing great as a top gaming streamer or something like that.
MW: Oh…oh God…is this all part of some elaborate “doctor/patient” role play? Does Jeff get his jollies by offering Mary generic lifestyle advice in public? I’ve just taken a shower but already I need another one.
Pluggers set the bar so low and yet they still can’t clamber over it.
RMMD: The occasional Stephen King or Nora Roberts aside, is anyone a “full-time author” in this economy?
Phantom: Hey, guys. I know one thing we have in common. We all have to take a shit and there’s only one toilet in this cell. How are we gonna figure this out?
@Little Blue Bicycle: I’m not sure, but I think Gil is supposed to be a fellow student who’s volunteered to coach the girl’s football team because nobody else wants to? Because nobody on the faculty supports this endeavor? Or anyone at the district level, since presumably other schools would need to have girl’s teams for this team to play against?
….I’m starting to think this isn’t a very well thought out plot.
@TheDiva:
On Luann : In Luann’s defense, Delta having gotten her degree already and being successful was part of her DREAM. In reality, Luann has not talked to, or heard from, Delta in quite a while (at least two years within the “no one ever
progressesages and time never passes” timeline of the strip, about a decade of real time), and thus had NO IDEA what ever became of her.In Luann’s offense, however, I’ll say that I’m pretty certain she doesn’t even remember WHY she picked italian, of all languages. She’s probably completely forgotten that it was in reaction of Tara suggesting she attend a clown school in Italy, and the main sticking point was “But Tara, I don’t speak italian!”
(Also, WEIRD that she focuses on the more recent “Phil and I were kinda there at the Pet Adoption Awareness Event, I guess (which you already knew because we were there FOR YOU)” instead of, you know, that blood drive she organised at the Fuze).
…this is WAY TOO MUCH over friggin’ LUANN…@TheDiva: DT: Yeah, sounds about right. Cypher expert stabbed and died slowly, able to remove the pawn as a clue to the murderer. My money’s on Count Pawn-iatowski, but this being Dick Tracy, a new character named Robert Kingsrookspawn or Lionel Algebraic-Aitchtwo might show up.
RMMD- Are we talking go from plain blue wall in the background to orange wall with picture frame in the background kind of money? And maybe enough left over for a decent sport coat money?
@Professor Well Actually: Mary’s transforming into a flounder. Her eyes are migrating.
MW: Most people don’t drag their hand through the whipped cream while eating a piece of pie.
Herb And Jamaal: When a Herb and Jamaal strip is just Herb sitting at the counter thinking to himself, you know you’re about to read some really stupid shit.
Dustin: I know that there are cisgender men who take testoterone replacement whatever, though I won’t pretend to know enough about the subject to know whether it’s something medically necessary or some kind of scam. But it’s MUCH funnier to imagine this strip as retconning that Dustin’s Dad is trans in the most horrendous attempt at LGBT representation in human history.
9CL-Proof that Brooke has no editors.
Brewster Rockit – Even worse: candy corn. (I like candy corn. So sue me.)
FC – No, Dolly! Don’t go as a witch! Grandma will burn you at the stake!
Mary Worth – That’s some bland looking lemon pie, and that looks more like Reddi-whip than meringue.
Oh, well, at least they’re talking about something other than how special Mary and Olive are.
Breaking Cat News – I was surprised by how happy I felt that the mice found the answer.
Dustin’s father’s doctor didn’t unearth himself from the rich volcanic soil of Rapa Nui, make his way through the University of Michigan medical school on a scholarship, spend years as an intern (proctology and OB/Gyn rotations), and open his own GP office only to listen to marital complaints. He’s a doctor of medicine, not a marriage counselor.
@Chance: I would think the pressure from the hose is increased because of the smaller opening in the nozzle, but I’m not a fluid dynamics expert.
@Liam: 9CL-Proof that Brooke has no editors.
No one edits the true artiste.
I guess Dustin’s dad is a Steelers fan. He seems to be imitating their recent distressingly-close-to-skin-tone pants fashion choice.
DT: “Hmmmm, sorry? I was addressing the Black King’s Bishop here.”
@Lord Flatulence (twice): Eyelids drooping, dragging hand motions. Hmm. Well, Jeff’s a doctor, he’ll recognize the signs of a stroke, I’m sure.
When you announced “Victory over Crock” I understood you meant the syndicate had finally given up and announced they were dumping this shamboling zombie. Instead we get another worthless “joke”. This is “DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN” all over again.
@Liam: Does he still have readers? If so, dear God WHY?
MW: Folks, with holiday gift-giving just around the corner, I know you’ve all been anticipating the return of one of our most popular merch items – Gold, the Tiny Fish in a Jar! Yes,
millionsthousandsa lot of people have been delighted by the soothing, realistic motion of this high-quality device!However, we regret to inform you that our recent shipment does not meet our strict standards for merchantability. As you see from the demo model here at the Bum Boat, it is hardly recognizable as a Fish! So of course, we are returning this entire lot and have ordered more from another source. Unfortunately that source has a higher tariff rate, so this year’s item will sell for $79.99 (plus S & H) But it is a rechargeable model! (USB cable not included)
@Ken: Now if the Black King’s Rook was missing, this case would be solved in a jiffy.
”The murderer was Sir Reginald Torrible-Zone. Everybody H8s that guy.”
(What’s with the dime-store chess set, anyway? Wouldn’t a classy joint like this have something in rare woods or alabaster? This looks like it was up on the club game shelf next to Risk and Hungry Hungry Hippos)
Dustin: “Let’s see — belly fat, zero muscle tone, no chin, ongoing low-level depression… I could do a blood test for low testosterone levels, but that would be redundant.”
@Chance: It should, if anything, lower the volume, since most fire hydrants are designed to drop the pressure if the hose isn’t attached, if I remember correctly, in order to avoid all of the issues with an uncovered hydrant blasting water at full force. Not really sure which was intended here, since that isn’t the most common knowledge, but it seems like he’s saying the hydrant is the weaker amount of distractions given he is, indeed, paying attention to the news.
@Ukulele Ike: The thing is, there needs to be some other evidence. You can’t arrest someone just because of a missing — Wait, what am I saying, this is Dick Tracy. He’ll probably skip the arrest and shoot the guy.
@Allangary: “I keep wondering if the”Bum Boat” name has any meaning….I would guess it was a place like Hooters, except where the focus is on bottoms.”
“The Bum Boat! Come for the delicious lemon meringue pie, stay for our flat-chested no-pants waitresses.”
@TheDiva: I hope you’re right because that at least would be less gross. But who knows In Barajas Land.
@Ukulele Ike: Bum boats delivered food to anchored ships, usually in harbors.
@The Rambling Otter: No, to be clear, this hypothetical cancer of the comics page, not anything based in reality. “Josh’s Story” is a solid idea, though.
@Nahtmmm: Skin tone is subjective
MT: I don’t understand this, and if I did, I wouldn’t admit it.
JP: Charlotte seemed reasonably appealing when she first became a talking little kid. But she is now Shannonizing, which is unpleasant. Come on, M & M, pick an age for Charlotte and keep her there for a year or so. There are enough creepy girls under fifteen in the comics already.
@A Grave Mind: How does he keep up with the news like that?
Steve Bannon is credited with creating the “fire hose” analogy when it comes to getting away with your political agenda.
Bannon said the idea was to “flood the zone” with so many “accomplishments/batshit crazy things” at one time that the major news media can’t keep up with all of the outrages.
Of course, given how many reruns we are seeing on the comics pages, the H&J strip may have been originally created in 1990 and that radio news report may have actually been about people trying to drink from a fire hose during a heat wave.
@Little Blue Bicycle: Wow. Thanks. It never occurred to me to google it because I assumed it was some internal reference in MW strip history.
9CL – He always makes sure to de-age Edda and Amos back to pre-teens for any sequence that involves a discussion of sex. Part of the overall rule that any character can be any age at any time as needed to get Brooke into the mood.
Dustin-“Has your sex drive been lower?” “Nope. I’m still as attracted to Meg as I have ever been.”
Crock – “Gentlemen, you can’t tell jokes in here! This is the funny pages!”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Nephew, come here”
“Did you notice the fancy cigarettes Juan S. Perfil smokes?”
“Yeah, I think he noticed”
@Buck Ripsnort:
To make comments about it on this site. I think those are his only readers.
@Little Guy: “Dude” is the name of the squirrel.
____________________________________
“That’s Dude en steen!!!”
Luann: I forgot that Luann was taking Italian classes.
I don’t think the comic has shown it at all. Think of all the offensive stereotype jokes we are missing out on!
And I bet the teacher’s eyes are glued shut and is always smiling and looking up, just like all new minor characters in this D-grade comic.
@Little Blue Bicycle: When I was in senior year of high school (88-89), our wrestling coach fell for one of my classmates. Her parents allowed them to start dating when she turned 18, and they are married with kids now. She looks my age, and he… well, he looks like the Crypt Keeper. Probably because she’s 54 and he’s closer to 84.
The H&J strip to me immediately made sense as the idea being that the water coming out of the hydrant itself would somehow be more forceful and overwhelming than out of the hose – but upon reflection I’m not sure that makes sense, maybe both me and the H&J writer have the same (wrong) intuition about fire hydrants?
Dustin The cliche isn’t that married men lose interest in sex, it’s that they don’t get sex. The creators of this drivel can’t even get their hackneyed jokes right.
@Ukulele Ike:
“The Bum Boat! Come for the delicious lemon meringue pie, stay for our flat-chested no-pants waitresses.”
No cover charge for male patrons wearing assless chaps.
Luann-“Let me help you find yourself. You are over eighteen aren’t you?”
Dustin: Ironically, a side effect of GLP-1 meds is they do lower testosterone; and if anyone is a candidate for those medications, it’s “big” Ed.
Dustin: It’s funny because Ed said the word “hard” in a sexual context!
MW: “Yes, MOTHER.”
LIo: NSBG!
@Sequitur: I’ve come to surmise that Lio (with his odd quirks and heart usually in the right place) is sort of like Calvin. Except instead of a head full of wonder and whimsy, he’s a nightmare fetishist and kind of a psychopath.
@Rube: Unless they’re Gomez and Morticia Addams. Their love has never fizzled in the slightest, EVER, quite possibly one of the healthiest relationships in all of fiction.
But whether Gomez and Morticia ever actually have sex… -shrugs-
Edit: (I can only imagine a literal swordfight and backflips are involved)
Dustin: how come Ed is the only one in the Kudlick family who ever sees a doctor. Helen would likely see a doctor regularly and Dustin should be getting help with his obvious narcolepsy and I’m sure he has issues with depression. In the real world Dustin would be a candidate for suicide. Why isn’t he getting help?
Speed Bump : Eons later an archaeologist discovered the prints on the right and thought they were to depict kissing.
He wasn’t entirely wrong.
@Professor Well Actually: In the real world Dustin would be a candidate for assisted suicide.
FTFY, HTH.
@Professor Well Actually: It’s the Dustinverse. If Dustin told the doctor he was having suicidal thoughts, the doctor would probably prescribe a double-barreled shotgun and two rounds of double O buckshot.
@Lord Flatulence:
#87. MW: pretty sure that’s meringue. In made -from-scratch lemon pie, as I remember the filling uses only egg yolks and the egg whites are the sed for meringue. Whipped cream, I was taught, tops banana or coconut cream pie. Unless I’ve got them reversed. Either way, pls give me the largest slice.
@Professor Well Actually:
The comic feels that the only help Dustin deserves is that Temp Agency Lady getting him full-time office jobs he’s incapable of holding.
(That, and DustinDad has never even threatened to kick him out, or even just charge him for expenses (like rent and/or food). ENABLING Dustin is technically helping him, right?)@Little Blue Bicycle:
,#106. MW: thx for saving me toil of looking that up. :-)
@Captain Obvious (obviously):
Dustin: It’s funny because Ed said the word “hard” in a sexual context!
It’s also funny because he’s talking about how he is, in fact, incapable of becoming hard!
Impotence and/or erectile dysfunction!@Peanut Gallery: “Juan S.Persel, why do you use that cigarette holder?” “My Doctor told me to stay away from tobacco.”
FG: Prince Thun is still hot.
Herb and Jamaal: I was once in a crepe cafe, waiting for my crepe to be ready, someone at a table nearby was blasting the radio with a DJ ranting about politics. When I got my crepe, I was out of there.
So, I was going to say that playing depressing news in your restaurant would probably not be good for the customers, but hey, you have literally no customers! So I guess play what you darn well want.
JP: Ces, when I said it was weird that you were having so much trouble writing a believable child here when you were doing a bit better with Bettina in Sally Forth, I didn’t mean you should just straight up write Charlotte as being Bettina. (For those who don’t read Sally Forth, “I used up various household items making this costume” is a go-to Bettina gag, last seen … just over two weeks ago.)
MW: (Just keep reminding myself that the more banal and uninteresting this conversation is, the less it’s about The Blessed Olive, Herald of a New Age.)
Phantom: I love that these guys think Stripey researched their biographies somehow. I’m pretty sure all they have in common is that they were next in line when the Ghost Who Messes With The Bad Guys’ Minds was deciding what proportion of “mysteriously vanished” versus “left unconscious” he was shooting for.
SH: Hey, Dave, remember a couple of weeks ago when the Basketball Council (I refuse to put more research into how basketball works than I believe the writer did) told you that Gil’s absurdly infallible ability to score baskets wasn’t fair, and he should not do that? And then you passed that on to him? Do you think maybe that’s got something to do with why he’s not shooting so much?
@Guillermo el Chiclero: I wish I was certain that it’s not meant to be set during the reign of Charles III.
@Arabella: And so flexible!
Panel one looks like he’s dropping down onto the balcony, but he was just down in the arena with Zarkov and the girls, so he must have jumped up really high. Imagine what else those leg muscles are capable of.
H&J-It’s funny because either way he is going to be hit with a large amount of bone breaking pressure.
@Activist:
Meringue can also top coconut.
@Liam: And personally, I like whipped cream on a lemon pie better than I do meringue, although I would always prefer key lime.
@GarrisonSkunk: I like it!
Fortunately, judging by the obvious contempt that the doctor is viewing Dustin’s dad with, he will not be making that prescription as he has correctly deduced this man should not have more children.
I’m glad it only took until the second comment to point out that Josh had very much misunderstood the “joke” in Herb and Jamaal.
Here’s a question, it seems like when Josh posts about H&J, 2/3 of the time it’s a strip consisting of one of the characters, I don’t know which is Herb and which is Jamaal, having a thought-bubble monologue as they stand alone in their business, with virtually identical art every time, is this generally representative of the strips when Josh doesn’t include them?
Oh wait, I just realized why it’s confusing, it’s because H&J says “fire hose” when they should have said “garden hose”, the mess-up was from the H&J writer, not Josh, never mind.
Dustin: The doctor doesn’t have Dustdad undress until he’s 100% sure they’re done talking about sex, and it seems to be safe now.
H&J: Does Herb means news items that distract him, or things that distract him from the news? His syntax is killing me. Not that it seems to take much to distract him. Seeing a fire hydrant on the way to work will do the trick.
C-Shaft: Seems very apt that one of the jack-o-lanterns in the window and the one on the counter have the popular “would rather be anywhere else” expression carved into them.
Curtis: It’ll spend a lot of time looking in a junkyard for an abandoned head. Trust me on this one.
GT: With a statement like “We need more bodies!” you can tell that young Emily is either an athlete in an endangered sport or a budding cult leader. Possibly both.
JP: Well, a squirrel’s tail is supposed to curl upwards, but otherwise it looks very…much like something you need to run away from as soon as you see it.
Luann: I find Luann on the GoComics site everyday and have never found the experience particularly amazing.
MW: If it’s gotten chilly enough that Mary needs to warm her pie—get your mind out of the gutter—with the candle’s flame maybe she and Jeff should have gotten chocolate lava cake instead.
Phantom: “Speak for yourself! I never killed for the general! I’ve never killed for money at all! Any killing I’ve done has been strictly for the love of the game. In fact, I keep hearing that the IOC is thinking of adding murder as an Olympic event, and if they ever do, I’ll be ready.”
RMMD: “The sequel is going to be about rampant drug use and weird sex with multiple partners, so I’ll need some time to do thorough research.”
@Anonymous: It’s also funny because he’s talking about how he is, in fact, incapable of becoming hard!
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and hard is just a synonym for my father, I mean a synonym for difficult. Hard, I mean, not my father. I wouldn’t know anything about my father’s erections. Sometimes hard just means difficult, is what I’m trying to put to you. Well, I don’t mean “put it to you.” Sometimes a phrase is just a phrase. And sometimes my mother is just my lover, I mean my mother. Mother, I said. Mother! Oh, Mother! Oh, Mommy!
I mean, my mother is just my mother, even if she is sometimes my lover.
Perhaps… I… have… said… too… much.
Late Thread Cuisine: Do fish have testicles?
I was reading Archie.
Betty and Veronica were having a typical “My outfit it better than your outfit” battle. Which Betty usually loses because Veronica can afford so many designer brands.
Betty wore a long skirt while Veronica wore long pants. And Archie (who was the judge) couldn’t decide, or rather didn’t want to choose one over the other. Veronica decides to ruin Betty’s dress by saying “You know what, it’s dreadfully hot out here, let’s cool off in the pool” and she takes Betty’s hand and the two jump in the pool, as they climb out Betty says “Oh no! Look at my poor skirt, it wasn’t made to get wet, and shrunk to half its size!”
(about the size of a mini-skirt)
Archie (with his tongue hanging out): I’m looking! I’m looking!
H&J – Some days it’s like drinking from a sewer pipe….
(Appropriately named) Crock – That’s not a question. But it’s not the one about how they’re clearly not picky eaters…you know…like flies….
Dustin – …but I keep seeing myself in those low T commercials….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Baja Gaijin: Cuisine: You buried the lede – fish pudding. That is horrific. Those prawns sitting around it are looking at us because the fish pudding is too horrifying to look at, let alone eat.
@157 Baja Gaijin:
I believe that is a question for Scratchy.
GT: ”Bring me….fresh meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.”
@Baja Gaijin:
Fish balls and fish pudding are my cat’s favorite.
A little surprised to see how few people seem acquainted with “drinking from the fire hose” as an idiom. It’s a (very common) business cliche. The hydrant reference is a pun on that. Not a very good pun. But a pun nonetheless.
@Baja Gaijin:
Many a horrific thing has made a yummy “pudding,” same applies for “balls,” and shrimp are delish under damn near any circumstances. Totally in on this.
@GeoffB:
Literally never heard. What’s the business context?
@15 Jerp+jump: I can say that Dustin and his dad would benefit enormously from some
testosteroneshots to the head at point-blank range. Fixed that for ya.@34 Allangary: “I keep wondering if the ‘Bum Boat’ name has any meaning.” Yes. The food shoots out of someone’s bum while they’re on a boat. For proof, look at what they’re eating.
@128 Sequitur: Thanks for the warning.
@150 JeffMcm: The one with the head that looks like a dickhead is Jamaal. Herb has a basketball head.
You know what else is a great distraction from depressing news, Herb, or possibly Jamaal? Having customers in the restaurant you own and operate. But since not one person in the fullness of time has ever ordered food from these guys, even accidentally, that’s a dead end.
@Navigator: There’s some guy in a clerical collar who sometimes eats there, but they probably feed him for free because he’s their spiritual advisor.
“What’s spiritual advice do you have for us today, Reverend?”
“More cumin in the chili.”
@160 I speak Jive: THAT’s the fish pudding? I thought it was the thing in the foreground…that has shrimp looking away…Wait a minute, all the dishes have staring shrimp!
@161 Sequitur: Hopefully he’ll answer the question.
@163 Anonymous: Has your cat seen the picture? It might change its mind.
@165 A Grave Mind: All those shrimp staring at you with their shiny coal black eyes like a child in Gasoline Alley doesn’t creep you out?
@169 Peanut Gallery: Isn’t he the pooting pastor featured a week ago or so?
@Baja Gaijin: The very same. And here he is fueling up.
@Baja Gaijin:
Not anymore.
@173 Peanut Gallery: I’ll bet the shrimps ate ’em.
@Ken: #103:
“He’ll probably skip the arrest and shoot the guy”
Can’t. British cops don’t carry guns, not back then. Tracy will have to bludgeon him to death with his truncheon.
@Peanut Gallery: @Baja Gaijin:
Whether the shrimps or crawfish grey
Or crafty mermaids stole them away
Nobody knew, and nobody knows
How the Pobble was robbed of his….testicles.
Invite me over when you’re making fish moosh. The Frenchies call ‘em “quenelles” and they are superb. And what is yummy gefilte fish but fish moosh with horseradish on the side?
@Poteet:
Mainly what I’m getting is that while Mark is supposed to be conducting an interview, he’s mostly staring into the middle distance with a pained look on his face. Which really shows why he’s such an in-demand writer.
@Guillermo el Chiclero: British gentlemen and noble murderers during the Victorian and Edwardian eras found bludgeoning to be in poor taste. Best to obtain a rare undetectable Oriental poison from a sinister Chinaman; or adopt a swamp adder, like the one Dr. Grimesby Roylott kept around.
A good British bludgeoning may be found in Patrick Hamilton’s 1941 novel Hangover Square, in which psychopathic/alcoholic George Bone does in a romantic rival with a golf club. Probably a Baffing Spoon.
@Hibbleton: #63: re-JP: Kind of reminds of the scene in “The Sound of Music” where Maria and the kids put on a puppet show for Captain von Trapp. We’re supposed to believe that an elaborate set that would’ve taken a master puppeteer and his apprentices several weeks if not months to construct was cobbled together by Maria and the kids in a week in their spare time.
@Baja Gaijin:
Hey, ‘long as they don’t serve the chicken that way.
@180 Guillermo el Chiclero: Not to be that guy but in the movie, the leech friend says he charged the puppet theater to Georg. It wasn’t built by Maria and the kids.
@Rube: But for comedy (& safety), the shaving cream & graham cracker crust is preferred.
@Peanut Gallery: Hmmmm.
It appears H&J is a little more contemporary than I thought.
@Ukulele Ike: 68 strokes.
Two under par.
@Baja Gaijin:
I always salute that movie, for finding a way to make me root for actual Nazis. Well done?