To me, these animals are not funny
Post Content
Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/15/26
You’d think I’d be happy to see a strip that eschews “someone wants to defy the laws of nature and have sex with a half-fish being” for “someone wants to obey the laws of nature and eat a half-fish being,” but sorry, I just don’t find it likely. Why would Atilla become fish-mad in the (literal) face of a being who is, in terms of the bits you usually interact with, mostly human, and yet ignore Ma Goose, who is 100% bird, albeit an anthropomorphized one? And sure, in real life a cat is far too small and a goose far too ornery for that conflict to go well for the cat, but these characters are roughly the same size so the power dynamic is different. You can make your silly fantasy comic setting increasingly convoluted and I will fight it every step of the way!
Luann, 2/15/26
Meanwhile, in Luann, everyone is fully human, yet nobody is acting like a normal human being. “I’m going to give my husband a gift card to a lingerie shop for Valentine’s Day, in the expectation that he will immediately become horny, rush off to purchase some erotic underwear for me, and then come back so I can put it on and then we can have sex. The ideal time to initiate this process? When our college-age daughter is standing inches away from us. She’ll be impressed!”
Dustin, 2/15/26
The thing about Dustin’s mom is that she exists in a reality where the comic strip Dustin is not in the newspaper. Unlike her, we unfortunately will read through the day’s news, feeling terror, anger, jealousy, and encroaching old age in turn, only to get to the comics section, encounter Dustin, and feel mingled contempt and disgust.
88 replies to “To me, these animals are not funny”
Dustin-Then she actually reads the comics and realizes how crappy they are.
Luann-“We know, Frank. We know what you wear under those clothes.”
Luann-Dad’s gonna get himself something frilly.
FC-“Hey, Al! Look over here. That chick is in the shower again.”
MW-Ian was completely in the wrong for getting upset at not being told about Sunny before he returned from his education conference and being upset at something valuable of his being destroyed.
MW-Jeff spends more time at his Vietnam clinic when before he would just give it lip service.
Slylock Fox-Sorry, kids, but you need to have an understanding of the value of cars to solve this puzzle.
Mother Goose and Grimm-And over in ‘Hagar’ Lucky Eddie would totally eat her.
Dustin-“Man just look at the way that family just constantly insults and belittles that one family member. Glad our family isn’t like that.”
I’ll accept that they gave no lines to Dustin’s Dad as a belated Valentine.
Mother Goose and Grimm:
“I invited Arial over because I’m font of her!”
MGG: “She’s our guest….tonight at least. Just like the three little pigs were guests yesterday. Another pork chop?”
Luann: I’m sad that we won’t get to see the other end of that trip, where Luann’s dad runs into a sex shop screaming about panties and braziers.
Dustin What do you figure she’s reading? Pluggers? Probably Pluggers.
MG&G: Ariel looks less like a dinner guest and more like a mural. Otherwise what is holding her upright? Her tail is hovering over the floor and no chair is in sight. Did they accommodate her by flooding the house?
Mother Goose and Grimm: There’s a “Chicken of the Sea” joke to be made here, but I don’t think either parent company Thai Union Group PCL or the Walt Disney Co. would appreciate it.
Luann–
Dad: “The racy women’s underwear place? But why would I…?”
Mom: “Relax, dear, I’ve known your secret for years.”
Luann: “So have I, Dad.”
Dad: “Okay then, I’m off to the mall. Happy Valentine’s Day to me!”
Dustin: Of course Dustin’s mom loves the comics section — being terrified of the news, angry at people’s opinions, jealous of neighbors’ property, and sad about aging is all proof that she’s a plugger.
Slylock Fox: “A possum left a ‘deposit’ on a car….” Okay, I don’t want to read any more, but at least the animals in this strip are finally acting like real animals!
Dustin:
“That’s especially true of Judge Parker. An American citizen held incommunicado someplace for almost six months. A missing spouse. Family tension. Constant relationship fractures. Unremitting gratuitous violence. What a knee-slapper!”
Mother Goose and Grimm:
“Atilla, why don’t you distract yourself and go up in a hot air balloon or a small plane and take a picture of our dinner guest?”
“No. Don’t say it, Ma Goose.”
“Yep. Ariel photography!”
CS: Yes, slick sidewalks are a hoot when you’re 107 years old.
Pluggers: Didn’t we do this exact joke 10 days ago? And a Groundhog Day joke not long before that?
Dustin: Why would a talk radio host be terrified by news and angered by editorials? Knowing and talking about those things is your entire job!
Mary Worth:
“Mary, would you like to put some tapenade on the various components of your seafood platter?”
“I don’t think so, Jeff. If I may continue with the Presidential Quote Box Theme in today’s installment — as FDR famously put it, ‘The only thing we have to fear is schmear itself’ !”
“There’s still a lot of good in the world… for me to poop on!”
I would like to headcanon today’s Luann as “because that’s where you’ve been spending all your money on SEXY LINGERIE FOR YOUR MISTRESS,” with LuannDad suddenly fleeing for his life. But would someone else sleep with LuannDad?
@BigTed: Re: Dustin: Actually the proof that ol’ Helen is a Plugger is that she’s reading the paper in the first place.
MG&G – Atilla doesn’t want to eat Ariel because she’s half-fish. He wants to kill her because she’s half-human. Is it really that surprising that a goose would train a cat to attack and dismember non-bread-bearing hominids?
Wait Luann’s dad didn’t say “lingerie.” That’s racy underwear for him to wear. Mom is telling him he needs to step up his game prontissimo.
JP: I’m sure Ces is trying to say something with all this crap, but darned if I can figure out what it is or why he thinks this particular set of characters are the ones to say it…
Luann: Pointlessly complicated and creepy, just another typical day in this strip.
MW: Next week, thrill as Jeff takes Mary home in the Giant Purple People Eater while she tells the Parrot Story again!
CS: It’s like Batiuk was just about to draw the last panel when someone whispered that Disney doesn’t use this song anymore so they can avoid talking about the movie that debuted it and was stuck for a big finish.
Luann : has the maturity to understand underwear as being erotic? I thought she was still at “Haha, pants fall down, funny” level!
Dustin – What are those big floppy white things? How is Dustin’s mom “reading the news” without a phone anywhere in sight? What is an “editorial section?” Anyway, 676767 no cap periodt
MW: Whoa! Get a room, you two sex fiends!
H&L: All I’m thinking is how bad a sun-baked shaggy dog would smell.
LUANN: Does that guy look like he knows jack-all about erotic underthings? He’s more likely to come back with some weirdly-shaped sex toy, thinking it’s a sculpture.
@2+2=7: I assume DustinDad pays for the newspaper subscription, just so he won’t have to talk to his family at breakfast.
@MKay: On Luann – Or maybe just a handful of ‘magic beans’.
Can Ariel breathe outside of water when she’s not in human form? Did she do some negotiating with Ursula on the terms of the deal?
@The Quiet Man: Funny thing, Disney seems more ashamed of “The Fox and the Hound” than “Song of the South”
As that big crossover cartoon “House of Mouse” (which had characters from nearly every Disney property at the time, show up) had two Brer Rabbit and co. cameos throughout its run, but ZERO mentions of Fox and the Hound.
It’s not even that “The Fox and the Hound” was bad or offensive, it was made when the company was at their very lowest point (financially) so they don’t like to talk about it apparently.
Edit: No wait… my mistake.
Looking things up, one scene has a three-second cameo of ALL the Disney dogs running off. Copper the hound dog among them.
I assume even Luann’s parents are sick of her asexuality and hope this peaks her interest.
Dustin:
Editor: “People are reading your strip with contempt and disgust. Can’t you do something about that?”
“Look, I’m already drawing Dustmom’s boobs as big as I dare.”
MW: “I’ve changed and grown so much in the years since meeting YOU, Mary…and I’m GRATEFUL!” Jeff knows that Mary had nothing whatsoever to do with resolving the Parrot Problem. He understands that HE must be the one to give Mary a victory lap, and resigns himself to praising Mary and expressing gratitude for her existence.
@The Rambling Otter: ‘House of Mouse’ notwithstanding, ‘Fox and the Hound’ got its own Cheapquel in 2006 and multiple home video releases. Meanwhile, I am *still* waiting for Disney to put on their big boy pants and release ‘Song of the South’ on a nicely curated Blu-Ray, with commentaries or documentaries analyzing its creation and impact, restored to its original 1946 configuration. Give it to Criterion and sell it at Barnes & Noble in their now-microscopic movie section so the parents at Wal-Mart don’t have conniptions.
This is the most positive emotion we’ve ever seen in Dustin, right? Like being the tallest jockey. Pretty sure the rest of its top 10 is schadenfreude.
@Hibbleton: Like I said, pointlessly complicated, stupid and quite creepy to boot. Sometimes you get the feeling Mr. and Mrs. Luann need to be in protective custody as much as their daughter.
Dustin: If your comic focuses largely on your Gen X characters making your Boomer complaints about everything wrong with life and the world, you may not be the best platform for saying “the comics page brings laughter and positivity to a bleak world!”
Luann: One hour later, Nancy has to go to Nicely Naughty because Frank has come back with something the wrong size, in a hideous color, and includes a pair of packing underwear.
MG&G: High on the list of everything bugging me about this is that Ariel is just floating in mid-air unsupported, as if she were still underwater and not subject to the rules of movement on dry land. She should be collapsed on the ground and desperately flailing as she tries to escape Attila’s lascivious attempts to devour her–now THAT would be funny!
@The Rambling Otter: I saw the Fox and the Hound in theatres as a kid. Is it bad? I remember liking it.
I’m kind of charmed by the parallel universe Dustin lives in. It’s the present day, but it’s also a perpetual 2008 where there’s no jobs, a perpetual 1960 where people wear kicky ascot scarves, a perpetual 1920 where the funnies are the height of pop culture, and a perpetual 1880 where people dress up formally to read the newspaper.
LUANN: The part I love is the idea of Luann having any awareness of a “racy underwear place”, as if she’s not still wearing pull-ups. (The part I love almost as much is Luann even being part of this discussion in the first place. Like are Frank and Nancy going to even botherr going upstairs to put edible panties on her, or are they just to go at it right there in the living room with Luann standing on the sidelines hooting and pumping her first Aresenio Hall style,)
LUANN (2): Also, nice try comic, butt judging by the detached dead-eyed expression Moms is giving in panel #2 (and the fact that she going through the process of giving her man a gift card instead of, y’know, just buying the stuff herself and cutting out the middle man) I suspect that this (belated incidentally) holiday is one of their designated “lovemaking days” and Nancy is trying out an elaborate scheme to put off the dreaded inevitable for as long as possible. (Nancy: “As usual your father rushed too fast! Next time I’m making this a complex riddle-and-treasure-hunt puzzle so me and my romance novels will have a few blessed hours of peace!”)
LUANN (3): Frank: “Sweet! And right when they’re having a sale on dildos too! you’re the best, hon! ‘Veiny Vincent’, here I come!”
Rex Morgan: “I’ve had an art show, two books published, plus amnesia — try harder, li’l bro”, certainly Sarah but what have you done lately? You’re a has been that never really was at 14, Sarah!
Marvin: At least this one has Marvin’s grandfather and friend blowing off a guy in a slightly rude but good natured way and has nothing to do with infant neglect or feces.
Heathcliff: Heathcliff “said it with ham” but neglected to wear his “Ham” helmet while doing so, seems like a misstep on his part.
@Menace the Dennis:
Those are her breasts, dear. See, Helen has what we call “low-hangers”
@brendancalling: It’s not bad, per se, but it could have been better. It was arguably compromised in production by an insistence by hidebound members of Disney’s old guard that certain things *couldn’t* happen in a Disney film. That ultimately led to Don Bluth walking out and taking several animators with him, delaying the film’s completion by almost a year. So you could argue that without this film, we might not have gotten ‘An American Tail’ or ‘The Land Before Time’.
When I finally saw it myself start-to-finish as an adult, it was easy for me to spot what didn’t work and what could easily have made the film more effective.
MG&G: It’s a nice touch that an anthropomorphic cat would have a painting of yarn on the wall.
Luann – I’m not impressed. Gearhead Gertie has been doing “clueless to NASCAR” for years.
C’shaft: Crankshaft’s only problem with Song of the South was that it wasn’t racist enough.
DT: Yeesh, Minty is so lame he doesn’t even get a dramatic arrest scene.
HotC: Yikes, is that Viggo Mortensen or Bruno from Encanto?
JP: I swear Bogdan loses English fluency with each successive strip…
MW: Yes, yes, we’ve all learned an important life lesson except for Mary who possesses all knowledge and wisdom already, now can we move on? I’m sure Wilbur has made a drunken fool of himself or fallen in love with a serial killer or something by now…
Phantom: I’m not sure if Walker Prime forcing the Bandar to make him proper, civilized European clothing is better or worse than him adopting African tribal fashion.
RMMD: Don’t be so smug, Sarah; you peaked at age 8 and you don’t even remember most of it.
(also, 14? You’re telling me Sarah Morgan is supposed to be a teenager? I call bullhockey.)
@brendancalling: No it wasn’t bad, but I think because Disney was at a very financially low point when the Fox and the Hound was made, and Disney sort of went through a personal Hell getting the movie finished on the tight budget they were on and at risk of going bankrupt.
Today’s Dustin bumps up against my firmly held belief that Dustin’s Dad is David Brooks.
Sl.did the artist.of Luann call the artist of Dustin and say, “Have you tried this filter? It lets you blur just one part of your drawing!” Or was it vice versa?
MW “I’ve changed and grown so much in the years I’ve known you! Why, can you believe that I used to be attracted to base, carnal supposed ‘love’ – as shameful evidence, I even had a child! – but now I have learned to live for higher, purer love, where all I need is the slightest brushing of fingers with the beloved to satisfy all!”
JP Those earflaps and seamlines are all over the place, the artist should have consulted better references (heck, the old Spirou à Moscou BD would be better). But at least it distracts us from the plot lunacy.
“The racy underwear place”
“From clueless to Nascar”
Wow, Luann almost formed something nearly containing what might be considered possibly a joke.
DUSTIN: I see where Helen is coming from. The news and editorial sections have become such a disappointment now that they’re focused on meaningless fluff like ICE detentions and curtailing of liberties, instead of real issues about how millennials are killing the (x) industry. Thank God we still have the comics to shit on young people and look our noses down on them. All is still right with the world!
I read today’s Mary Worth, from the JFK quote on, thinking that something new was going to happen: Mary would accept his monthly proposal this time, or they’d break up, or the waiter would announce this is the last night for the Bum Boat and they’ll have to find somewhere else to eat. But alas.
Dustin – This is obviously just blatant pro-comics propaganda. What else is in that paper, Helen? “Oh, I see here that Oceania is at war with Eastasia. Hmm, turns out Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.”
MW: Mary should lay off the botox. Across seven panels, she can’t even crack a smile or raise an eyebrow, let alone scowl when she spots a homeless person.
@Jonathan:
Mind blown. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Don Abundio, translated:
“We sure lose a lot of games”
“I blame it all on our crummy manager”
“And what would you say Don Abundio is doing wrong?”
“He just doesn’t take Stepford Women’s Baseball seriously”
Luann – Frank realized his mistake when he saw the scowl on Nancy’s face as she opened the box. He hadn’t thought through his decision to buy her a padded bra.
@Pozzo: I can’t find any Disney canon on the subject. Given how little biological sense mermaid physiology makes, I’d say there’s no reason she wouldn’t have lungs and a diaphragm that work above water and aren’t harmed by the briny deep. She’s able to sing in both scenarios, which implies all the relevant mammalian biology rather than just a brief tolerance for surface conditions. (Meanwhile, Triton’s ban on surface visits suggests that surfacing to breathe is completely optional for Disney merfolk.)
Crankshat – That sign about ICE means something different to us folks in Minnesota these days.
Pudgy Jerker:
“Parker, Arr! This be Talk Like A Pirate Day, matey!” (In the Private Prison Tongue)
__________________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
“Big news about my brother Johnny! We found out his real name is Jimmy and they took out his appendix by mistake instead of his spleen!”
__________________________________
Wary Morth:
Mary: “Nice to know that you’re growing, but the answer is still no.”
@Liam: FC-“Hey, Al! Look over here. That chick is in the shower again.”
***
“Hey, that ‘chick’ is my daughter-in-law!” Al replies. “Aw, what the heck,” he thinks as he reaches under his robe.
Crabgrass: I know how Kevin feels. This is one reason I’m glad I quit the MCU ten odd years ago.
@The Rambling Otter: I don’t think Disney should be ashamed of creating a movie specifically around Black American folklore. The bad part is that white people assumed the right to tell Black people’s stories for them in the first place. But “SotS” did at least celebrate a creative, unique culture instead of mocking it, which was pretty revolutionary in 1940s whitebread American media.
@The Quiet Man: I know I watched that movie as a kid, but I always lost interest after the main characters became adults. (I had the same problem with Bambi, so this is clearly a personal issue rather than a commentary on the film itself.)
Prince Valiant is published once a week.
Judge Parker and Mary Worth, seven times a week.
Which strip had the most plot progression today?
Luann: Has anyone else noticed how recent strips of this comic have been trying (badly) to emphasize that the characters actually totally have sex regularly, in contrast to it’s notoriously puritan history?
Dustin: The only conceivable way that Dustin could’ve become even worse was to take a turn into delusional self-fellating. So that’s exactly what it did. The people on Dustin’s creative team are truly dedicated to making their comic as miserable of an experience as possible.
I have no idea why there’s so much chatter on here about Disney’s Song of the South and The Fox and the Hound movies but two things…
1) The Song of the South is in the public domain so really anyone can produce a DVD of it or even remake it if they wanted to.
2) The Fox and the Hound was not an original Disney creation it was based on a book. I don’t think many people are aware of the source material
@ectojazzmage:
Luann: Has anyone else noticed how recent strips of this comic have been trying (badly) to emphasize that the characters actually totally have sex regularly, in contrast to it’s notoriously puritan history?
Yeah, it feels that way, doesn’t it? And I think it started during that sequence where Bernice was all “Curse my hormones! Why am I horny all the time!?” and Nancy was all “I’m having hot flashes from menopause. Treasure your hormones, you’ll miss ’em when they’re gone”
which I felt was Karen Evans getting autobiographical and having her adult self-insert tell her teenage self-insert advice she wishes she’d receivedMeanwhile the only thing I can think about in MG&G is..
Why does Grimm not get a seat at the table as well?
Why does the cat get to sit in a chair like a humanoid, while the poor dog gets to eat from his bowl on the floor in another room?
Injustice I tells ya! (This coming from a cat person mind you)
Mother Goose didn’t give Ariel anything to sit on. No wonder Atilla’s confused, that girl’s just flopping around on the floor! That’s gotta trigger some predatory instincts in a sapient feline.
FC: Whoa, heaven has guillotines? (Squints) Oops, my bad.
FC: My father’s name was Al. He was a confirmed atheist. I wonder how many times dead Grandpa has said to him; “I told you so!”
@ectojazzmage: Given that the last story was about Ox and his new dog, I kinda hope it isn’t.
I’m very impressed by the quality the Dustin team managed to put into today’s comic while all of their hands were busy patting each other on the back.
***
Understandable it, Atilla. I get the same look on my face anytime I try to consider mermaid evolution or reproduction, or comics with intelligent, talking pets. Anyway, now I’ve pictured Ariel laying her eggs and Eric fertilizing them, so that expression will be frozen on me until Wednesday.
***
How much of a sexless schlub does a parent have to be for a daughter to be this happy about it finally happening again?
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Pluggers’ ability to remember a joke lasts way less than 10 days.
Luann: Dad is coming back with a hot pink banana hammock or budgie smuggler
@TheDiva: re: Luann: I needed to go look up “packing underwear.” This place is so educational!
The Familliar Mucus: Ironiclly, taking a short cut across a harpist’s lap was the reason HTT Grandma killed Dead Grandpa in the first place.
Mary Worth – This is proof that Jeff actually tunes Mary out and doesn’t listen to her semi-human blathering. He should have jumped on the change and growth are good. Look the old bat in the eye and say something like, “Well, how about some really good change and growth as we move this stagnant relationship beyond hand holding and platitudes? Do you realize that I’ve never seen you naked? After ten years! My place or yours?”
Pluggers – Deja vu.
Rex Morgan – Johnny is nine years old!? Considering the discussion before and after the surgery, I thought he and Michael were five or at most six.
This reminds me of Leave It To Beaver. When he was six or seven, his behavior was kind of cute. However, the older he got, the cuteness of the clueless behavior wore off. By the time he was in junior high, he was annoying.
Eddie Haskell, however, was always entertaining. Maybe RMMD needs an Eddie Haskell.
9CL – Doesn’t he have the thesaurus memorized?
@The Quiet Man: JP: I’m sure Ces is trying to say something with all this crap
He’s saying he rewatched Season 4 of Stranger Things (Hopper in the Gulag) in preparation for S5 right before his deadline hit
FC: Choir practice, desk work, lugging blueprints around…Heaven doesn’t look like it’s a lot of fun. Mark Twain covered this in Letters From the Earth.
So many attractive young people up there, too. Car crashes? Early onset leukemia? Suicide?
Sex Organ,V.D.: Teen Morgan Squad!
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective:Endless is planning on Putting on the Ritz.
If Dustin’s mom doesn’t get this whole range of emotions (envy, lust, anger, melancholy, ennui) just from reading silly comics, she will never get a COTW on joshreads.com
12 seconds flat is also how long Luann’s dad will last
Luann-Later on. “Now this, Luann, is called foreplay.”
DT: We need a twist. The Mirror is so sloppy and error prone that he can’t possibly be the big bad. Neither is Minty. So Mahoney gets rid of the Czar and the goon all in one play.
JP: The warden tell Randy it was all a mistake. They were to detain someone named Randolph. An honest mistake. Everyone drinks a shot of vodka and shake hands. Meanwhile we discover that the “charity” the ditzy girls are working for is actually a notCIA front to runs the prison. Irony.
MW/ Toby to fair got help shaping Ian by destroying his prized possessions and crushing him psychologically.
RMMD: Johnny’ script is weak but Sarah’s art work is good enough to deserve a trial out on Gil Thorp!
Slylock: The rat is too lazy to fiddle with the tires he swapped the whole wheel – cheap rims and bald tires.
@Ukulele Ike: truly! Always learning
Crankshaft- A helpful reminder that when fell and sprained my ankle slipping on ice last year that my real problem was that I was taking it too seriously.
@Menace the Dennis: “The bad part is that white people assumed the right to tell Black people’s stories for them in the first place.”
Leaving aside the controversy regarding “cultural appropriation”–forex, do you have a problem with Kurosawa’s Throne of Blood–who else was going to actually get access to the resources necessary to make and distribute such a film, considering the socioeconomic realities of the time?
@Where’s Rocky?: As someone who never got into that show (not having Netflix helped) and thinks it’s been overhyped and wa-a-a-ay too drawn out, I can see how I wouldn’t have picked up on that.
@Lester Edgar Helicopter: “Don’t take life so serious, son — it ain’t permanent nohow.” — Porkypine, in Wally Kelly’s Pogo.
Most quotable quote in the history of the funny pages.
@The Rambling Otter:
Any Dark Cauldron apprarences?