Youth, old age, and so on
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Mark Trail, 5/14/26
Many years ago, we were visiting Vancouver during the delightful summer months, and in Stanley Park we encountered … like, a lot of raccoons, and they were uncomfortably bold. At one point a woman who was pushing a baby in a stroller was approached by a pair of the creatures, and she stepped away from the stroller so she could get a pic of her infant with the raccoons, who were quite close to the child and could’ve easily grabbed them and taken off into the forest before anyone could’ve stopped them. My wife and I discussed whether the kid would grow up to the Sovereign Ruler of the Raccoon Kingdom, or would instead simply become that day’s lunch. But I don’t think there would be any such debate about Rusty. That boy doesn’t have a kingly bone in his body, but he has a decent amount of meat on his bones.
Pluggers, 5/14/26
I’m glad we’ve all moved way past hack jokes like “an old person needs a child to open a childproof cap for them,” and pluggers’ grandkids stopped speaking to them a while ago anyway. No, we’ve just landed on the chicken-lady with a facial expression that says “God damn it open you piece of shit, I need these pills to live” while the caption says “Pluggers are as incompetent as little babies.”
75 replies to “Youth, old age, and so on”
Mary Worth Mashup: I wonder what Brandy’s doing…
MT:
‘Sure do! But no water, please — I’m hydrophobic!”
Pluggers: Ha ha! Pluggers are too stupid to ask for non-childproof caps for their prescription meds. Or even more stupid that their the don’t realize they can flip the lid on their WalMart prescriptions to use the non-childproof side.
MT-“Will you take me fishing?”
Lio-And cue the theme song.
MW-And so the week of undeserved self pity continues.
FC-Another escape attempt by Barfy has been foiled.
@Baja Gaijin:
Kinky. A threesome.
He’s more fun for eating a PB&J? Rusty, my boy, make a few of those, ’cause I’m fun as Hell, then. Here’s a ten, get me some vodka, too. Head’s killing me.
RMMD: Alas! Action Hero Lorna Starr is dead. Hurrah! Long live Real Life Action Hero Mae Mae Cudsomething, who saves a diner, a motel, and three jobs in a single post!
MT “Rusty is scouting for new friends” — is that the narration box or the off-panel taunts from his fellow campers?
Pluggers lack the opposable thumbs and fine motor skills to open pill containers. They really should be medicated by their handlers.
MT: The raccoon has hypnotic eyes in P1. That is NEVER a good sign.
MW: ” As Tommy feels abandoned, he becomes whiny enough to merit a punch in the throat.” That fragment bugged me.
GR: I’ve always thought that golf on TV was the most boring thing I’d ever see. Live and learn.
H&L: Pretty sure that’s a heatstroke-induced seizure. Dot can draw the ambulance when it comes.
RMMD: You’d think that Mud would have intervened by now, if for no other reason than he hasn’t gotten his food.
Pluggers:
Well, and the signature artistically-limned malformed Plugger digits don’t help with opening, either.
Wasn’t this the Pluggers conceit a few days ago? Good for whoever makes Pluggers for making us aware of this terrible thing, just like they did the massacres in Rwanda.
Mark Trail : so, what’s going to happen after that raccoon inevitably bites Rusty?
a) Rusty catches rabbies
b) Rusty becomes a were-raccoon
c) Rusty gains the proportional powers of a raccoon (and a sudden onset of tv watching indolence)
B and C would be a pleasant return to Rusty being a horrible mutant. NuRusty looks too much like a human child!
MT So the kid lives in a wilderness area, learns about animal habits – but not to be wary that “abnormal activity” = “dangerously, even fatal-contagion-level, sick”? I know the policy is no Darwin Awards for children, but could we make an exception, please?
FC Mo-om! Why does *Barfy* get to turn off the invisible fence shocker and *we* don’t?
GT Good art would have us thinking about the relative skill shown by each golfer, even their golf club choices, all this brings up is whether or not the students have been replaced by aliens who don’t *quite* match human proportions or joint ranges
MW: Okay, confession time. I walk past couples such as the one depicted in panel one of this strip and think ‘I wish that could be me, I hope that guy realizes how fortunate he is to have a woman like her!’ That being said, I own my choices and how they’ve brought me to the difficult, unhappy place I am at right now, and I do my best to remind myself that there are people out there who love and care for me (just not in a romantic way) and would be saddened if I were not here.
Oh, and no, I don’t run to the nearest drug dealer to self-medicate my problems like Tommy here is clearly doing, I wait until my next appointment with my therapist.
JP: And just what information did you get, Ms. Ex-Jailbird? When CIApril and her thrall are coming back to claim their little raspberry-haired brat? Why they sent that refugee from a Yakov Smirnov festival to skulk in your bushes? Anything that would be of actual use to you at all?
Is it just me, or are Seattle Times comics flipping later each morning.
RMMD: “I left Hollywood for a regular life, so come on down to my workplace to ask for my autograph!” This is like when Marie Antoinette built herself a three story peasant cottage.
MW: Who is that in panel two? Tommy’s jaw has never been that broad. Is he catching Gil Thorp face?
MW: “They look happy,” Tommy thought balloons about the man with a look of stoic concern on his face as he gently guides an obviously stoned, drunk woman home by her shoulder.
Phantom: BRATTTA YAAAHH BRATTTA is my band’s new name. In fact, I think we’re gonna use this whole panel as our album cover.
MT: So when this inevitably ends with a reenactment of Old Yeller with Rusty in title role, will it be Mark or Cherry with the rifle?
How do we keep Pluggers away from medicine and thus reduce Social Security debt? Child-proof caps and non-white doctors
Richard Nixon, king of Pluggers
Rusty will be in for a shock when it turns out that he found the only raccoon in the forest with a peanut butter allergy.
I hope Mark and Cherry do not forbid this friendship. This is the most wholesome outcome when a young boy announces he has “a furry friend”
MT: I was in Scouts myself as a young lad, and I can confirm that “quietly eating a sandwich” was as fun as it got for a lot of people.
Pluggers: When the coroner eventually comes to examine her body, her dead hands still clutching the unopened pill bottle, he’ll wipe away a tear and say to himself, “No matter what else happened, she was determined to keep her pinky finger extended while holding that bottle. She was a true Plugger until the end.”
TINAS G: Sorry to be serious, but there are two other ways government gets us to throw away money on Lotto. First, some of proceeds are assigned to a public good, like education. Second, Lotto gives a hope, however imaginary, to people who otherwise have none. In summary, government distracts us from the fact people are not getting services and real opportunities.
@pugfuggly:
As I also note about the Xyzal owl and countless other cartoon anthropomorphic birds, wing feathers make for poor fingers.
Pluggers would rather struggle with frustration on a daily basis rather than asking for the regular caps that pharmacies have for customers who want them.
@Ettorre: Like capybaras and some other rodents, Nixon had incisors that would continue to grow unless worn down constantly.
MW: Yeah, no. That couple is NOT happy. Sure, SHE seems ecstatic in a dreamy sort of way, but HE looks worried, because he’s just seen the writing on the wall–or more precisely, the SALE sign on the window of a jewelry store. SHE has spotted the perfect engagement ring of her dreams, with a matching wedding band! HE has seen the price with its discount. Just look! Flawless blue diamonds and those perfect rubies in that beautiful platinum setting! It’s–it’s almost PATRIOTIC! And what a way for you to show your love for me, and for us to show our commitment to each other! And, look! They’re having a SALE! I KNOW you didn’t get your promotion, but there will be other chances for you to get a raise. But THIS set is a one-of-a-kind opportunity…and it’s as affordable as it will ever be…! Let’s go in, pretty please??
Pluggers: In the end, aren’t we all children of a loving God, though? Wait, I’m being handed a note: some of us are children of a loving God, others are horrible human-chicken hybrids.
MW: Also, as far as Tommy knows from what he’s been told, didn’t Brandy just go to Florida for a short stay? I mean, I know she’s on a MISSION, but so would any professional be who had to travel for a job. This dude is too much of a whiny sad sack to make it with anyone who isn’t as needy as he is. Has he already dated Dawn? I forget.
MW: Here in the Tulsa World today we read, “A former deacon and business manager at the Parish of Christ the King in Tulsa attributed online romances and cryptocurrency investments as the primary motive for stealing over $1.4 million during a court hearing Wednesday.” Life imitating art! Whether he wore ascots isn’t mentioned.
MW: Three observations:
1. Kudos for showing an interracial couple in Santa Royale. (I will politely ignore the possibility that this is how the authors show Tommy’s in the “bad part” of town.)
2. “Tommy feels abandoned.” Is he or isn’t he? I keep harping on this, but from all we’ve seen so far, he could just be whining because Brandy’s away for two weeks.
3. Sadly, despite @Baja Gaijin and @Liam‘s interpretation, I don’t think Brandy will return and suggest Tommy join her new polycule. But I’d love to see how Mary handled that.
@Charterstoned: Yeah, a lot of the Mary Worth arcs would be more fun if they crashed into each other. A Tommy-Dawn pairing would be legit entertaining. Somebody (I apologize for not remembering who) mentioned having Brandy’s half-mother in Florida be Belle Batsfrey. That’s a great idea.
Rusty is about to reenact that story arc from Calvin & Hobbes, but he won’t care as much, since he’ll have bigger problems, like rabies.
MT: Nobody gave me a sandwich when I came out.
GT: “New from the Milford Pro Shop…extra long clubs! Go longer with extra long! From the maker of Stilts! Try out some today!”
MT: Didn’t Mark teach him that raccoons are actually crepuscular, meaning they are most active in twilight?
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: Heck, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a prescription bottle that didn’t automatically come with the “one way is ‘childproof’*, flip it upside-down and it will screw in as easy-open”
*years ago when one of my kids was in a preschool daycare with a doctor playstation they’d added some empty, label-removed Rx containers to for the fun of it, I advised them to glue down the lids because one of the kids was trying to teach mine (and all the others, one assumes) how to open the childproof cap
How many super racist submissions do you think Pluggers gets? I’m guessing a lot.
Childproof cap jokes? Really? What’s next, Pluggers never take the tags off mattresses, for fear of criminal penalties?
@Charterstone: Dune: You have a cleaner mind than me. I saw their poses and thought “that couple is straight up screwing on the street.”
MT – Little does Rusty know that saying an exclamation mark out loud is considered an act of aggression by raccoons. They usually respond by ripping their adversary’s face off while saying a grawlix.
FG “And we’ll use these airships to increase the efficiency of our trade and dissuade any who would attack us in retaliation for your father’s follies. The speed and safety of travel will allow your own subjects to connect with opportunities all over Arboria, not just trade – but education, medical specialty treatments (and the study of this power has been giving some promising developments from our top healers, your majesty!)! Soon our developments will be the envy of all of Mongo, and all will want our friendship to share them (carefully, milord! we should rent these and keep control, even provide the pilots). Any animosity will soon be drowned by our benevolent use of these for all… or, yeah, I guess we can smash everyone, just like your dad wanted to and I was trying to prevent by not providing him with the research”
luann Yup, they’re going with renting a place with my boyfriend does NOT mean we’re sharing a bed but how sad for the Evanses that they think it *wouldn’t matter* to Luann or Phil that they’d see each other dressing, in nightclothes. Are… are they OK? Do they have any connection to normal human desires at all??
Mark Trail: I’m sure I’m not the first person to mention rabies, but raccoons walking around in daylight, approaching people? Rusty’s new story is definitely about rabies, how much fun rabid animals are, etc.
There is evidence that raccoons may be becoming more domesticated. The opposite is true of Rusty.
***
Last week the struggle was tamper-proof packaging on their pills, this week it’s childproof lids. Pluggers are crossing their feathers and claws that by next week they’ll finally get some sweet, sweet pain relief.
And don’t think I’ll ever forgive or forget learning last week that Pluggers apparently can’t open packages of toilet paper.
“Dad, the racoons are biting me.”
“Rusty, feeding wild animals can cause them to become habituated to humans. You should stop feeding them your flesh.”
@Tabby Lavalamp: Hmmm… You know, if we domesticated the racoon, pluggers could have a pet racoon to open pill bottles and toilet paper for them.
MT: Despite having been raised by a pair of nature nuts, Rusty has either never been taught or never accepted the first and most important lesson of “don’t feed the wildlife.” In which case, I’m happy to chalk whatever happens next up to natural selection.
(Never encountered raccoons, but the chipmunks in Glacier National Park were insanely bold. We sat down for a break at the summit of Avalanche Trail and they were all over us, climbing on our pant legs and poking around Mr. Diva’s backpack. I’m certain at least one hiker has brought a stowaway back down with them.)
Pluggers would happily go back to the days of unregulated and poisoned medications if it meant they didn’t have to suffer a slight personal inconvenience.
@Victor Von: I don’t think Jules has ever done a “Rusty is in Mortal Danger” story in the six years he’s helmed the strip, but Rabid Rusty would provide a much-needed check to the strip’s ironic, cutesy, cartoon-y vibe. In fact, she should dial it to 11 and have a frothing Rusty trapped under a car packed with dynamite in a flooding cave full of alligators while Mark fisticuffs his way through a horde of escaped convict drug-dealing big game poachers so that he can personally administer the stomach shots.
MW: The couple is happy because boyfriend has a talleywhacker the size of a Katz’s hard salami, something Brandy has never experienced in her lifetime.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Lorna Starr: “Can you post this online, Hector?”
Hector: “Um…where am I supposed to post it at, exactly?”
Lorna Starr: “Post it at Website, silly!”
Hector: “Oh ok. I get it now!”
REX MORGAN: Just saying, Lorna, I understand that your creator still thinks the internet is a “system of tubes” or whatever and doesn’t really understand how this works, but nevertheless, you might want to clarify exactly where and how you want this uploaded. You know because you probably don’t want this footage to end up on some hardcore “BBW” site where you’re eagerly telling a bunch a men that they can “meet you at a motel”…where you’re “working”….)
Mark Trail – I had never seen a raccoon in “the wild” until early this year when one of those enormous trash pandas waddled across my front yard to the unoccupied house two doors down. It scaled the wrought iron trellis on the porch, then disappeared into the house via a hole somewhere at the roof line. It was equal parts humorous and bone-chilling.
Also, I passed the Mark Trail Wilderness yesterday as I was driving from the North Georgia mountains to my raccoon infested neighborhood in Nashville. Every time I do this (at least five times a year), I intend to stop and get a photo with the sign, and yet – I never do. Maybe in July.
I have nothing funny or snarky to say, so think of this as my weekly welfare-check.
GT: Today’s strip is giving me the vibe of the old REM music video for “Stand.”
Oh snap, is Rusty about to befriend a rabid raccoon? Consider me invested.
C’shaft: There is a non-zero chance Mark is based on the only person who regularly shows up to Batiuk’s book signings.
Dustin: Today I learned UFC colognes are indeed a thing, so I find myself in the unusual position of agreeing with Dustsis.
(The bottles are shaped like fists. Truly, real life has moved beyond the point of parody.)
GT From left to right:
1.) Five-year-old playing putt-putt for the first time;
2.) Drunken college kid at Top Golf who swung too low and hit the teeing pad;
3.) Psychologically damaged suburban housewife about to bludgeon her philandering husband while he sleeps;
4.) Eczema sufferer who will do ANYTHING to scratch that spot between their shoulder blades.
MW: I’m getting more of a “stoned” vibe from this couple…which, considering Tommy’s history, might register as “happy” to him.
Phantom: The Nomad’s technology-induced nightmare has conflated his encounter with The Ghost Who Walks with his memories of seeing the “Night on Bald Mountain” sequence from Fantasia.
RMMD: And the video goes nowhere, because Hector has a grand total of twenty followers and half of them are his family back in Guatemala.
Nice of the Pluggers artist to put Henrietta in a smock so Josh doesn’t have to look at bird lady upper frontals, which we know he hates more than Baja hates clowns.
Mark Trail: The juxtaposition of the highly-realistic raccoon and Jules Rivera’s very cartoony version of Rusty is a little jarring, but still a vast improvement over the vaguely-child-adjacent homunculus called “Rusty” back in the Elrod years.
@Austria: Oh snap, is Rusty about to befriend a rabid raccoon?
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Hope the raccoon doesn’t catch anything.
@TheDiva: UFC Colognes have to smell like sweat, blood, macho desperation and dumb. With a hint of sandalwood.
@Paul1963: I still am not used to or accepting of Jules’ art, so I miss the little homonculus Rusty.
He was so easy to ignore when he asked Mark to take him fishing.
@Baja Gaijin:
Nobody blames her.
CS: So where’s this Ed Crankshaft guy the strip is named for?
RMMD: So where’s this Rex Morgan guy the strip is named for?
JP: Hey, there actually is someone in this strip named Judge Parker.
Wrecks Moregone:
“No. I am not her.
I am *she.*”
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Post it online *where*? Be specific.
Mae Mae has only herself to blame when Hector posts it on OnlyFans.
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Has Moustache fainted, run away, or is the red colour of the Panel One wall the corpuscular spray from his exploded head?
MT: Break out the rabies shots for Rusty when Mr. Raccoon bites him.
DtM: Ummm…..Did Margaret get a makeover? Or is there a new artist? Or is this a rerun from way back when?
Wary Morth:
Stop the presses!
Black person sighting in Mary Worth!
Also a happy black person who is therefore meddleproof!
(Oh and meanwhile Tommy keeps moping. Sad!)
@UncleJeff: #60: And don’t forget the aroma of stinky bare feet.
@Guillermo el chiclero: RMMD: So where’s this Rex Morgan guy the strip is named for?
I’ve been hoping this plots is a backdoor reboot rebrand of the strip from Rex Morgan, MD into Mae Mae & Mud
Mark Trail Mix: Wait till the raccoon finds out that in Rusty’s world, PB&J is Pancake batter and Jelly.
Murky Tail:
I hate to crush everyone’s hopes, but if the raccoon bit Rusty, it’s the raccoon who would be at risk of Rustyosis.
@Charterstoned: #30:
“Has he already dated Dawn?”
Not to my memory but Dawn would never date him. He doesn’t have anything of value to trade for her sexual favors. He’s not rich and he can’t help her ace her college courses. Remember when Dawn friend zoned Jared when he was a lowly orderly but when he became a highly paid physician’s assistant he suddenly was good enough for her? Supermarket stockboy just won’t cut it. His mom’s techno millionaire husband would have to give him a high paying job in his organization to make Dawn notice.
MT: I can’t remember which movie it was
But one Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie, had a scene where a bunch of raccoons broke into a trailer and totally trashed the place.
But the movie was playing up the “cute” angle of it all.
Then during the break, Crow and Tom Servo were dressed as Raccoons talking up how innocent and adorable they are, while smashing up the Satellite of Love with baseball bats.
@Ukranazi Stepan: “Too spicy for Yog-Sothoth”
The Minnesota Zoo tries to create appropriate habitats for its animals, getting as close to natural as they can. For raccoons, that natural habitat is a front porch with a couple of garbage cans on their side.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I supposed that Tommy would be qualified to prepare Zach’s ayahuasca concoctions, ketamine injections, and other debaucheries our degenerate techlords get up to.