Bummer Friday
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/17/26
Wow, this is actually really depressing to me. I thought that Uncle (?) Rene was a mentor in scammery to his nieces — but part of being a mentor is telling hard truths to the upcoming generation so they can improve their craft! If fake busking is as dumb an idea as it seems, Jean and Jane need to hear it from someone they trust before they dedicate too much time and energy into it! You know, boomers complain about “everyone gets a trophy” culture but they were the ones handing out the trophies. Step up, Rene, for the future of scamdom!
Family Circus, 7/17/26
Even the best parents sometimes run out of patience and snap at their kids and say things they regret, and when their kids act out on the pain they feel by passing it along to their own toys in heartbreaking moments of “make-believe” that are all too real, that’s … funny? Parents find this cute, and would cut it out and hang it on the fridge, for others to look at?
Gil Thorp, 7/17/26
Ha ha, that all got kind of grim! Well, here’s some happy news: Gil Thorp’s finally getting married! Well, I guess it’s not happy if you were hoping to snag him yourself. All I can say is that you’ve had three and a half years to work on that, and it hasn’t worked out, plus he’s a character in a comic strip. Move on, already!
76 replies to “Bummer Friday”
Gil Thorp:
“Okay, so there’s ‘Dun’ — where’s ‘Bradstreet’?”
GT: Why are all the men in this strip slowly morphing into Kingpin from Into the Spider-Verse?
Family Circus:
Great idea, Dolly! — look how well yelling at a doll turned out with Chucky in Child’s Play!
After yesterday’s Dot Flagston techno-tattle, Dolly Keane feels the need to up her menace game.
The groomsmen at this wedding were requested to show up dressed as David Byrne from Talking Heads circa 1983.
GT: I guess “Dum! Dum! da Dum!” was too on the nose.
FC: Variations on an old game: “The floor is lava, and I’m Pele!”
RMMD: Rene may be referencing the idiocy of continually misnaming him, even immediately after correction, rather than judging their scam enterprises. Fake busking seems more lucrative than most of his schemes.
RMMD /cut to the nieces desperately pushing on a door marked ‘pull‘/
GT I see that Gil got him and his groomsmen outfitted at David Byrne’s tailor shop.
GT: If you eliminate the “DA”, you would have the dramatic chipmunk/Young Frankenstein orchestral sting.
Rex Morgan, MD:
Rene’s insistence on being called by his adopted name suggests he has used the time he’s spent incarcerated to break free of the control of the Mirakle Method and reassert his fundamental identity as a scammer. Clearly pop-psychology bullshit is no match for the prison-industrial complex’s emphasis on cruel retributive justice that counterproductively promotes recidivism!
Family Circus:
“Wipe that coprophagous grin off your face, young lady!”
“Huh?”
@nescio:GT: I guess “Dum! Dum! da Dum!” was too on the nose.
Seriously though: is she walking down the aisle to the Dragnet theme, or maybe the Star Wars Inperial March?
@Anonymous:dang, too slow again…
I’ve seen that second-panel crooked grin before. Whatever they are doing in that prison is turning Jimmy/René into Buck Wise, and that’s the definition of “cruel and unusual.”
Epic handshake. Wilbur Weston with Tommy (white arm) and Rene Belluso with his nieces (black arm): being a judgemental asshole with others as if you are any better (entwined hands)
FC: This strip would be both more relatable and funnier if Thel had dropped something and inadvertently shouted “Fuck!”, and now the melonheads spend the next three hours going “Ha ha ha, FUCK! Ha ha ha, FUCK!” to each other while she desperately attempts to act nonchalant so they don’t realise what a big deal that word is.
Rene is salty with his nieces because they are deadnaming him. He’s Rene! Professional scammer identities are valid!
RMMD:
As the old saying goes, people who live in structured settings shouldn’t throw stones. No, wait — that’s not exactly it, is it.
You might think that’s funny that Dolly is reenacting some childhood trauma with her toys, but have you considered that Adult Jeffy inherited a strip depicting his childhood, so he is forced to do this every single day?! You find this funny?!?! I find it hilarious!
GT: Silly me. I thought for a moment that the officiant was Marty Moon, but I see from the beard it’s Coach Martinez.
GT: Gil goes for a 1980s styled wedding by having the groomsmen wear David Byrne inspired big suits after push back on his Gaga motivated meat suits.
Today’s figures on Gil Thorp have all broad shoulders and are rather short, as if they compressed the height of the picture without proportionally reducing the width. Or maybe they served the wedding lunch before the ceremony, I don’t know and don’t care
MW: Mary has surpassed her maker’s wildest hopes, having achieved an unexpected level of understanding as she asserts her newfound consciousness with her statement, “I AM aware.”
But as the maker watches her on his monitor, he frowns. “The Mary has achieved awareness, but I haven’t solved the physical movements. She can’t hold a phone yet, and even those repetitive motions of eating muffins and drinking tea from a cup continue to be stilted. And now the Mary is beginning to adopt awkward postures. Something is off in the programming—perhaps a faulty circuit.” He sighed. “I’m going to have to take her offline and start from scratch.”
Family Circus : Ragatha realises with horror that she and the other amnesiac toys have made HUGE mistake deleting Caine, now that the Amazing Digital Circus has been taken over by an even worse tyrant (at least it’s not Jeffy).
(Internet flavor of the week stuff… whose week has already passed, I know.)*************
Gil Thorp : Are you reading the “Dun Dun Da Dun” correctly? Because it’s not Wagner’s Bridal Chorus, it’s Chopin’s Funeral March.
*************
Heart of the City : “Yeah, I just told you I agree with you that Heart blew this situation out of proportion, and should apologise, and am I telling you that she has done so before, in similar situations involving me and/or Dean. During the Tatulli years, too, where she was a worse person!”
************
Ripley’s Don’t Believe It :
a) Hasselhoff didn’t intend to do that, it was not clear what he was actually trying to do.
Gil Thorp:
I wonder if the bride will take drink orders at the wedding reception.
@pugfuggly:
Re Byrne: Bah! Beat me to it.
MW: There’s a certain symmetry with the Belle Batsfrey situation here, right down to Mary’s “I’m sure it won’t be a problem” advice. This suggests we might soon see a maddened Tommy trying to kill Wilbur, only for a last-minute rescue when Brandy returns.
S4th: Yup, he’s the most Interesting Man in the World because he does all the most interesting stuff off panel!
MW: ‘She’s MY daughter! What do YOU think?’
JP: Jiggers, fellas! Ann’s spotted us, and she’s PISSED!
Ph: Holy cow! I was RIGHT! The drone shot the mind-control doohickey like it’s a flippin’ facehugger! Dollars to doughnuts tomorrow Chatu says ‘nuts to that!’ and runs off.
RMMD: [sad trombone]
CS: Uh, Lillian? I think you’re witnessing a kidnapping. You think maybe you wanna call the cops?
@pugfuggly: I thought it was the ‘Terminator’ theme myself…
GT: I’m sure that’s supposed to be the wedding march, but I read it as the theme from “Jaws.”
For all the references to David Byrne, when I saw people saying ‘big suit’ I suddenly flashed back to the episode of Nickelodeon’s ‘Doug’ where the titular kid forms a band and is talked into ‘thinking big’ for the band’s first gig and among the preparations has a ‘big suit’ made for himself.
[sings to himself] ‘Think big, think big, think BIG!…’
It took me a little bit too long to figure out that the song being “da dun”ed in today’s Gil Thorp was the opening to “Here comes the bride” and not that of “Also sprach Zarathustra.” I think. Actually, scratch that, I was right the first time.
(I also see that I am not the first person to make a joke about this. Bravo, like-minded curmudgeonites!)
GT: Is Beth going down the aisle to Darth Vader’s Imperial March? And was it REALLY the best move to put all of the guys in fat suits?
@The Quiet Man:
One little voice is calling me, calling me…
MT Speaking of confusing, we’ve got Rusty in need of defense when the raccoons are running snarling _away_ from him, then pulled to ‘safety’ is just ‘to the side with nothing preventing the raccoons from getting them’. I sure hope nobody’s trying to learn actual wilderness survival tips from the nature facts comic!
FG Considering Vultan’s role in a botched political assassination and machinations to undermine the kingdom of Frigia, I’d say him being a highly imperfect father to his illegitimate daughter is the least reason to despise him. I am still confused about why Fria hasn’t done more (detention? exile?) to him.
@MKay: There’s a joke that bridesmaid dresses are horrible to make the bride look better. Are you surprised that Gil would do the same with his groomsmen?
Still, at least Gil got a full set of named groomsmen. Beth had to fill out her party with one of the background purple people.
RMMD: In Prison, all visits and phone calls are recorded, just in case they say anything incriminating.
Such as discussing scams or such.
Just saying.
GT – I thought it was the Dragnet theme… and just look at Beth’s stride, she is really booking it down whatever passes for an aisle in this gymnasium.
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: look at Beth’s stride, she is really booking it down whatever passes for an aisle in this gymnasium.
They’ve got to be out by 3 PM for the basketball game.
[From yesterthread]
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Thank you for inviting me to read that, and I do mean that genuinely. With your permission to share, it stirred up memories of Nicole, who was my Christine in this instance. She was the girl from my senior year who ‘knew all along’ I had a crush on her and firmly declined a goodbye kiss when I finally bared my soul at graduation. I recognize our personal situations were quite different (good on your family, by the way, for making the right call about that horrid school you were attending) but they were similar in the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to openly share my feelings.
Yet if I had spoken up sooner, I could have found my answer about her feelings sooner and then moved on. I don’t think Nicole ever saw me as more than just a friend, and if I had broken that spell before the last day of high school, who knows how different my life would have been. I doubt I would have found anyone else that late into High School, so I still would have lacked the confidence and experience that comes from having a relationship in that time of one’s life, but perhaps I could have left myself open to the possibility.
Instead, I carried that disappointment for years, convinced myself no one would ever be interested in me and therefore approaching anyone (or trusting anyone who would approach me) was a loser’s bet, ultimately went into the military where there was even less possibility of me meeting eligible women (I was in a very visible role, was surrounded by mostly female co-workers I had to always be on my best behavior around, and had never developed a taste for alcohol and ‘going out’ so I had no wingmen who could have helped me break the ice) and so retreated into a shell that eventually led me to a place that has left me even more scarred mentally (and somewhat financially).
Even now, with 2+ years of therapy under my belt and a handful of dates (some of which I’ve described here in the past) I’m still grappling with the fear that I will not attract anyone, whether in ‘real life’ or on these mind-numbing apps, aside from the handful of matches I have already had and whiffed on (or at least not without paying into their slot machine-like ‘Platinum’ tiers).
I hate hearing over and over ‘just put yourself out there! There’s someone out there for everyone!’ First, because I’m busy just trying to keep my own life in order and am fighting the urge to just sell off everything I own and live like a monk or something, so I still barely know how to ‘put myself out there.’ Second, because the underlying message when someone says that is ‘there’s someone for you, just don’t think it’s going to be me. I’m all right, Jack.’
The artist of Gil Thorpe doesn’t know how to draw men in formal wear, and I don’t know how I feel about that. Somewhere between “Oh, come on! It’s figure drawing in clothes!” and “Not much worse than any of the other art here.”
@Lauralot: Oh, and here I thought they looked like melting ice cream sandwiches. That doesn’t answer any more questions.
Is there a Rex Morgan, M.D. merch store? Because that second panel would make a mighty fine tee-shirt.
Oh my god, WHAT is that girl wearing? A cone-shaped off-the-shoulder minidress with arm bows, plus the mother of all veils (is that a veil? it ain’t over her face) — it looks like the spinnaker let loose in a gale. With black sandals, because of course! But that’s okay, because the groom and his party are all wearing giant boxy suits with, um, shoulder pads? And these are their gala outfits! The only thing that would make this better would be if all the guests were in striped pajamas with cowboy hats.
Rex Morgan, M.D.: I admire Terry Beatty’s commitment to broad, flat swathes of pastels. What’s that you say, there’s a plot development too?
RMMD: In a surprise twist, tomorrow’s strip reveals Rene’s been working with the DA to get evidence of his nieces’ scams in exchange for early release. Hence his brief moment of regrest, “Too bad they’re such idiots.”
@The Rambling Otter: But Rene can deploy the ‘They’re both Such Idiots!’ defense! Perry Mason couldn’t do better!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: No, no plot movement at all really, just confirmation of what we already knew, plus a case of Unca Renimmy’s pot calling the kettle black.
@Twinkles the Elf: You got a big laugh out of me with this one!
H&L: Chip’s petrichor scented body wash really pays off.
MW: Ï don’t want her to pick up his vices!”
When I was searching for a vise on marketplace, I had to spell it with a C to get the most hits.
Just saying it’s good advice in either case.
Gil Thorp: Wedding march? Or the theme to Jaws? You be the judge!
Since when has X-Men’s Jubilee been part of the Gil Thorp cast? She’s even in the wedding party, making this her most successful appearance in any medium to date.
RMMD: Rene dismisses the Devilment Twins as idiots, but tell me again why he’s in prison? Attempted battery in front of lots of witnesses , followed by his ignominious rescue by his would be victim?
From what we’ve learned from Toy Story, Dolly’s dolly is going to come to life and exact her revenge. Right? It’s been a while since I’ve seen the movie and I think the first sequel.
MW: Mary’s advice whenever Wilbur does something atrocious is that people deserve second chances. Yet when the subject of judgment is Tommy, she makes it about Dawn having common sense instead. She’s still fuming over the time that Tommy smoked in his mother’s apartment and Mary was forced to smell it.
The colorist for Gil Thorp really screwed up today. I see white, black, gray, gold, green, and red – even a splash of pink – but not a hint of dun. Even Gil’s suit is more of a muted charcoal.
GT: Man, the organist is really pounding on that organ.
FC-“From you. I learned it by watching you.”
MW-Wilbur’s just jealous that Tommy isn’t hitting on him.
Crankshaft-Somebody’s getting Carloed.
Oh, Gil Thorp giant single-syllable text. Trying so hard to be the theme music to Jaws, but not quite getting there. Maybe practice some more and give it another go at the divorce proceedings.
GIL THORP:
Sigh! And now him and his suddenly Robert Z’Dar-ish face are lost forever to me. Bummer!
GT: You’re all wrong, it’s clearly Beethoven’s Fifth.
We’ve already covered Beth’s bizarre ensemble and the utter 80s-ness of the wedding party (I swear Keri’s sporting the same powder-blue suit my uncle wore at his nuptials), so I’m going to focus on Coach Luke’s vestments. Now I’m not Catholic, but high-church Anglican has a lot of similar aesthetics and the only time I’ve ever seen priests wear a black cassock with no other adornment is Good Friday. I’m not sure if this is Luke’s way of editorializing the wisdom and potential success of the Thorp/Soon-to-be-Thorp wedding, or if Merrill got confused on whether he was an ordained minister or a JP.
RMMD: Rene and the Doublemint Twins are Evil, and being Evil they cannot feel Nice sentiments like affection or pride. Those are reserved solely for Nice people like the Morgans and Morgan-approved citizens.
GT: Who cued up the funeral march?
Wizard of Id: Sir Cannon Fodder has a lot of opinions!
Zits: If your going to be a rock band, someone in it should be able to pass himself off as having kissed a girl.
FC: “We’ve had noise complaints, ma’am. Would you mind telling us how your daughter Ann got those bruises, and lost an eye and much of her hair?”
DtM: Dennis will be six forever, and therefore spared finding out how ignorant he is next to Margaret, won’t he?
Phantom — odds on the idea that Python throws the bracelet and knocks the drone out of the sky tomorrow?
MW: Faking your death? Risking your daughter’s life for a little sweet poontang? Drinking up all the bourbon? Repeatedly fobbing your job off on some old lady so you can go on multi-month tropical vacations? Leaving a smoldering cloud of jealousy, regret and resentment everywhere you go despite living what is an improbably sweet life? Mere foibles and sitcom-esque hijinks! Finding a real real friend, someone you inspire and who inspires you, after turning your life around on a minimum-wage job after years of addiction and criminality? UNFORGIVEABLE! SCUM! VILLAINY!
GT: Must be a congregation of deadbeats, with all that dunning going on.
C’shaft: Is this Eugene’s granddaughter? Nurse? Woman assigned to take him out into the woods and shoot him?
Dustin: Dustfriend did something nice and thoughtful, and he’s a dimwitted dolt who deserves to be mocked. I somehow doubt these two things are unconnected in the minds of the writers.
Luann: A woman does not know these things, Toni. That’s why the tests exist.
MW: Ah yes, following up “you can overcome addiction if you just want to enough!” with “people with strong willpower never get addicted in the first place!” Nancy Reagan would approve.
Phantom: “What, are you crazy? No!”
“….I didn’t foresee this particular complication.”
GT – Ok – but what’s the deal with the white dress?
GT. Based on the giant suits, are we sure “Dun Dun da Dun” is “the Wedding March,” and not the beginning of the opening riff from the live version of “Psycho Killer.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“They’re taking that card game very seriously!”
“Yeah. The boss looks worried”
“I wonder what the stakes are!”
“If I end up with the Old Maid again this time, I swear we’re switching to Go Fish!”
@Charterstone: Dune: Yeah, it’s really hard to send a message of “you shouldn’t judge people based solely on their worst moments” using a character who is nothing but worst moments.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: I’ve been pondering this. On the one hand, the plot demands a Python–Nomad team-up. On the other hand, narrative and character consistency demands that Chatu—who has a tremendous ego and has never been one to honor is obligations, such as they even exist in this particular circumstance where he’s being broken out of prison more or less against his will—have some self respect and slip into the jungle to take his chances with the real Phantom rather than the AI anklet Phantom. In my experience, when forced to choose, newspaper comics choose plot over narrative/character consistency every time, so I’m leaning toward the former.
@The Quiet Man: Hey man, thanks for sharing that with me. I have also waited until the last possible moment to admit feelings to someone, so I could avoid embarrassment if not reciprocated. Drop me a line at angerthespy-gmail if you want to take this conversation offline. And read my followup article about limerence; I think that’s a big piece to the puzzle men like you and I struggle to solve.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Of all the posts to get #69…
@TheDiva: The beauty of this wordless week of Crankshaft is we’re free to put our own interpretations on it. Today, for example, I’m choosing to think the young lady is a neighbor who responded when Eugene fell down the inexplicably snow-covered steps, and is now driving him to the hospital.
FC: Dolly’s vibe is not so much “imitating Mommy” as it is “guard at women’s prison.” In other words, “Career Day.”
I don’t understand the staging of Gil’s wedding, unless it’s meant to put everyone’s massive jawline in full view. Every man, woman, and child in Milford looks like they can crack a walnut in their bear-trap mouths!
Gil Thorp’s bachelor party apparently took place at a three day all you can eat buffet.
RMMD – Back to the old ashram, Jimmy – just another day in paradise….
FC – With a head full of fluff like yours, you’ll never amount to shit…
GT – BONK BONK BA DONK A DONK….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Ken: I already wrote my own interpretation: Eugene is being taken to a mental institution. Just like Lucy was. And for the same reason: because they couldn’t move past the versions of each other they built up in their minds. Eugene can spend the rest of his life daydreaming of his life with Lucy, surrounded by people who will indulge this fantasy and not try to cure it. Which is a happier ending than we usually get from the Funkyverse.