I guess Toby is pretty much always in a particularly vulnerable state
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Mary Worth, 10/2/26
To me, “Toby gets some parrots and Ian melts down about it” was basically a perfect Mary Worth storyline. But for those who would demand that it be justified as serving some larger purpose, may I present today’s strip, in which one of the accursed birds introduced into this setting by that storyline mimics Ian’s adulterous sex moans while Toby is in a particularly vulnerable state.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/2/26
I had sort of forgotten that Mud Mountain Murphy wasn’t already living in Glenwood, what with him seemingly being there all the time. But, big news, he’s going to be living in Glenwood now! Exciting stuff and a real addition to the local roots country scene. You’re on the email list, right? If you’re not, don’t worry, you’re just going to run into him everywhere. It’s not really that big a town.
The Phantom, 10/2/26
Holy crap, it turns out that mysterious masked figure “Ignis Vindicta” is in fact “Ian Mollusk,” the Phantomverse’s transparent Elon Musk standin! Who could have possibly predicted this shocking development? Oh, what’s that you say, it was predicted on this very blog by me back in July and by everyone in my comments section for weeks before that? Interesting, interesting.
27 replies to “I guess Toby is pretty much always in a particularly vulnerable state”
Mary Worth Mashup: You can pretty much guess what the Missing Final Panel contains.
Rex Morgan Mashup: You can pretty much guess what the Missing Final Panel contains.
I’m sorry, but did they give one of Toby’s parrots cartoon-girl eyelashes? Did they really think we, the audience, needed to know which of the birds is the female? The freakin’ birds don’t care which one’s the female unless they’re actively copulating!
MW I don’t know which would be funnier: the parrots repeat increasingly explicit bits of overheard sexytimes, complete with “Tab A into Slot B” dialogue, or they repeat Ian’s side of a conversation with a travel agent directly thanking Mary for the recommendation so that he can get this awesome trip planned for his wife. Either way, she just keeps walking about, utterly oblivious to the implications.
Phantom (Yup, we’re all at) Finally! – Uh, *ahem*, I mean Wow! who could possibly have predicted this utterly amazing insane twist?!
Mary Worth:
“Oh, wait a minute! — there’s a new photo of Ian with a single work of art, divided into three panels, around his neck. Triptych on his collar!”
JP Charlotte clearly is too young for passenger seat riding (if you don’t understand why, well, you can take my word for it, or go search for info about “internal decapitation” – but I tried to spare you learning about that). I can buy Neddy not knowing that, but not Charlotte, who ought to be using it as a competency test for her caregivers (all of whom are failing, at this rate she should run off and join the circus to get a more stable home situation…)
RMMD:
“If Mae Mae has given up her performance career, so that you’ll have no interaction whatsoever with any of her artistry, Hank, why would you be ‘happy’ that she’s moving to Glenwood?”
“Listen, Mud — they don’t pay me to think here. They just draw a conversation bubble next to me, and that’s that!”
“The Phantom stole my rocket” sounds like the password phrase you’d say to get into an after-hours rave.
RMMD-Plus Mud also plays in park.
MW-Nah. The parrot is just repeating Toby.
The Phantom:
“”The Phantom stole my rocket!! That’s that — I’m going to take my Bad Guy Ball and go home!”
RMMD:
Sitting on a park bench
Eyeing brittle churls with band intent…
— Jethro Tull, “Aqualung” (adapted)
FC: Having all been kids ourselves, we know Billy just shoved everything under his bed or in the closet.
I love that Mud’s like “Yeah I think the local venue’s got an email list or something” and not “I know we’ll be spending lots of time together, so you’ll definitely hear about all my gigs.” The man’s going to be politely turning down dinner invitations for a few months before he just stops responding.
MW: Kudos to Brigman for having the evil parrot, El papagayo siniestra, depart from Toby’s left shoulder. It’s this level of attention to detail that pushes the suspension of disbelief.
@Glarryg: Yes, yes “they” did.
Ph: Dude, Stripeypants can’t see you! You don’t take off the stupid mask now, you do it at the climatic showdown when you foolishly think you have the hero broken and at your mercy*! Don’t you know *anything* about being a megalomaniacal strawman villain?
*Before Stripeypants pulls a gun out of his ass and perforates you?
MW: “That condo gossip is ridiculous. ” Smoking gun: The Maui Papers.
“I’d know if Ian was fooling around. ”
Elephant in the room: The Maui Papers.
“There’d be signs.”
Turd in the punch bowl: THE MAUI PAPERS.
Phantom’s first panel is funnier if you picture Mollusc sitting in a giant car seat.
MW: At last the parrots spill Ian’s dirty secret: he’s converted to Roman Catholicism!
Phantom: Stole? If I remember correctly the rocket crashed, and the extremely buggy robot on board assumed it was on the moon and started establishing Mollusk’s claim on the territory by blasting everything in sight, until it just kind of broke down entirely. But then again exacting disproportionate and childishly dramatic revenge is exactly what I would expect from Elon Musk and, therefore, any obvious Elon Musk stand-in character, so I’ll allow it.
DtM: I don’t know how to parse what Dennis is saying, but his staring through the fourth wall is intimidating, if not menacing.
Murky Tail:
How boaring. Not even a sow-sow story.
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Questioned Malcontent:
On Reddit I wrote this yesterday:
Today we have an illustration of this. Faye has no life now (and Bubbles has no life either) except in relation to her own imposed childwoman Anhlikeable. She can’t do a thing except in relation to Anhlikeable. Nothing at all.
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Wary Morth:
Mary: “Ohhhh P?mpous!”
Toby: “Axx! What are you doing with that meddling hag in your arms?”
Ian: “You stew-pid woman! Can you not see…(insert ridiculous explanation)”
[ With apologies to ‘Allo! ‘Allo! ]
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Wrecks Moregone:
This is all so exciting that I need to go and lie down, possibly for a few years.
@Baja Gaijin: Your mashup crashed my browser!
Archie:
Archie watched Riverdale, so it isn’t for homework that he turned up at Grundy’s home late in the evening. Not at all.
@Baja Gaijin:
1. Needs to be written in SPLAK! on a bottle of gin if Toby is going to notice it.
2. Mud is too busy knocking those muddy boots with Mae Mae.
Mary Worth:
This storyline is obviously about people in general and Toby in particular wrongly believing that Ian and Mary are having an affair based on flimsy circumstantial evidence, so I’m really curious what actually inspired the parrot to scream “Oh, Mary! Oh, Mary!” I’m hoping Ian experienced a Marian apparition, and the apartment complex is about to be overrun by pilgrims visiting the shrine to Our Lady of Charterstone.
MW: You know it is still on the table that Mary and Ian are actually having an affair. We really don’t know. At this point it is still a kind of Schrodinger’s box. (I will refrain from labeling it Mary’s Box for now.) So let us delight in the possibility of what that affair would entail as it makes itself known to Charterstone!
MW: TIRED: Mary’s having sex with Ian. WIRED: Mary’s having sex with a parrot.
DT: “Dammit, I wasted a perfectly good villain rant!”
GT: Ah, so this is why we’re focusing on a Valley Tech-Goshen game: when Orlov collapses from a major cardiac event, the blame will fall on Coach Permawave for drafting him and Emily for running plays that cause him to work too hard on defense, leaving Gil Thorp’s White Male Protagonist hands clean.
JP: CanuckDownSouth has adequately pointed out the issue with Charlotte being in the front seat, so it falls to me to add that schools don’t release small children to just anyone who shows up asking for them, and it’s entirely possible April isn’t on the list of approved pick-up people and wouldn’t be able to get her after school no matter what. And that all of this drama is predicated on Charlotte suddenly being all in on trusting a parent she didn’t want anything to do with two weeks ago, which feels like the most unrealistic part of all.
Rex Morgan, M.D.:
Oh, you didn’t appreciate it when these guys said they were viewing the “fall colors” while the trees behind them were filled with a bright green? Well, what if we put the action in a blank existential void with no background at all? How you fuckers like that, huh?