I mean, I judge a certain amount, I guess
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The Phantom, 10/31/26
Hey, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up on The Phantom, but the short version of what you missed is that transparent Elon Musk standin Ian Mollusk’s AI system has gone rogue, melting the Python’s brain and leaving him feeble and docile rather than the anti-Phantom killer Mollusk envisioned, and also escaping into Mollusk’s refrigerator somehow. Today’s strip honestly tickles me because, yeah, the Nomad’s been in Gitmo for years and, yeah, a lot’s happened in that time! They don’t let you read the newspaper in there! He’s still catching up!
Mary Worth, 10/31/26
Really love how Tommy realized at the last possible moment that he has to say that he never believed Mary and Ian were actually having an affair. Obviously Mary knows better, but he just got under the wire for plausible deniability so Mary isn’t honor bound to eviscerate him right here at his place of employment, yet.
Hagar the Horrible, 10/31/26
Oh, also, it’s Halloween! Got any big plans? Hagar and Helga decided to host an Eyes Wide Shut style masked orgy at their house, which wouldn’t have been my choice but, you know what, I don’t judge.
32 replies to “I mean, I judge a certain amount, I guess”
MW:
There once was a crone named Feneley
Whose last name morphed into “Fenele”
The spelling has changed! —
It’s made us deranged
And has us all shouting, “Whoa Nelly!”
Mary realizes, with horror, that her reputation has been ruined by a character from Shirley Ellis’s 1964 hit “The Name Game.”
MW:
Like Jeffy in yesterday’s Family Circus, Tommy has confused Halloween with April Fools Day, so in today’s first panel, he is attempting to fool Mary into believing that he is trying to think.
I guess the old Norse version of LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS is “Keep your knees pointing straight forward for Baldur.”
MW: Did Nelly’s last name change to Fenele to indicate that Tommy is an idiot, or is Moy the moron?
RMMD: It’s not every day you see the worst thing you’ll ever see.
The Phantom:
If there were an antimatter “Love Boat,” the officer in today’s second panel would be Anti-Captain Stubing.
Hagar the Horrible:
“Let’s whisper about those two lovebirds in Norse code!”
MW: Sometimes trauma manifests itself in its victims with hysterical laughter as Tommy relives the repressed memory of imagining Mary and Ian making love.
It must be tough to come up with costume ideas when you have to incorporate Viking horn helmets into all your choices.
Phantom-“The Rocket Man!” Elton John?
FC-Yeah. The people over at Condo Place don’t know the Keanes. There will be no turning off the lights and pretending you’re not home.
HAGAR: No need to initiate a party game; the guests are already Bobbing for Tonsils.
MW: If we knew that this was going to end with Nelly getting kneecapped, this would be worth the tedium. But it’s just going to be all muffins and reproval.
Phantom: Do you think the guard is going a bit off-script, or did Ian Mollusk explicitly demand to be called a “dangerously unpredictable AI guy”? Is he listening like “Hmm, yes, now make sure to tell him I’m on an industrial quantity of ketamine and in love with an anime girl chatbot. That’ll strike fear into Nomad’s heart!”
HTH: I like their angel/devil couple’s cosplay. Obviously for Vikings, sacking Christian monasteries is nothing new, but Hagar and Helga have a plan to really desecrate them this time.
Ph: “Car Guy”? Is that like a “Wife Guy”, or is it jail yard slang for non-prisoners?
MW: Mary tried to hide her shock but it looks like it came right out her nose. What do you think that sounded like? A slide whistle? Maybe an old-timey bicycle horn.
THE PHANTOM: Hahahaha, God damn! This strip is approaching political-cartoon levels of subtlety here!
THE PHANTOM (2): If you didn’t see Musk before it was unceremoniously pulled from theaters, well…here’s the TL:DR summary.
BB: Drunk soldiers and one Miss Buxley, that’s quite a party.
MARY WORTH: Geez, Charterstone residents! If you’re going to maliciously spread vicious, unsubstantiated rumors you don’t even believe anyway, you might as well try out for Fox News where you can get paid for it!
Mary Worth Mashup: What if Mary confronted Nelly? Take a look…is it a Halloween Horror?
LUANN: “Advice? Yeah, Tons*”
*citation needed
LUANN (2): “Ignore it….just like the audience is supposed to ignore that Brad and Toni are the ones who’ve been acting like judgemental assholes about parents these last couple of days, not the other way around.”
LUANN (3): “Thank you for your unasked-for, unsolicited advice, Off-Brand Marcie. I hope someone tosses some bars of individually-wrapped Irony in your bag as you make your rounds.”
MW: I know we’re meant to read this past week as all of Mary’s friends desperately covering their asses, but it would be hilarious if they were truly admitting to knowingly spreading lies about her for fun.
Phantom:
“Sir, the Python has been transported against his will to a binary star system that is a distant 8.6 light years from here!”
“You can’t be Sirius!”
The Phantom:
“See this skunklike stripe in my hair? — I stole it off Dr. Jeff from Mary Worth!”
Pluggers I dunno, but maybe this joke would have landed better if the female Plugger wasn’t ALSO wearing something from the back of the closet.
@Baja Gaijin: You captured the hidden meaning of the meaningful looks!
Pluggers: “Let me sell you a reverse mortgage, Ayyy I’m the Fonz!”
“Obviously Mary knows better, but he just got under the wire for plausible deniability so Mary isn’t honor bound to eviscerate him right here at his place of employment, yet.”
If he worked at a sausage factory – well “evisceration” is the first step in every recipe, so they’d probably pay her.
Pluggers; I don’t think the music video for Weezer’s Buddy Holly would be quite the same if it featured some obese furry dog man abomination.
RMMD: I am *loving* Buck’s face in that last panel. That’s the face of a man who desperately wants to say ‘He isn’t mine! I swear, he’s adopted!’
JP: Thanks Sophie, that really narrows it down… don’t you have some murder you can solve out in the Hamptons or something?
Luann: [Reads panel two] Huh, for once a decent piece of writing from the Evansii. Sure, it’s ripped straight from the Bluey episode ‘Baby Race’ but it’s still a good message. Broken clock and all that, I guess…
[Reads panel three] What the f—!
@2+2=7: “*citation needed”
Within weeks of the confirmation of the pending, ahem, *blessed event* we were subjected to a week of strips featuring Toni getting accosted by a bunch of biddies in the supermarket offering unsolicited advice.
@Bob Tice: Keith Jackson would approve this limerick.
Pluggers: He’s actually Stanley Kowalski and is about to assault his pregnant wife. Run, Stella, Run!!!
MW: OOOH, so close, for a brief second it looks like Tommy trying to remember (look at the profile pose) almost lost the thread. It would have been hilarious if he told he misremembered it was Dawn or Wilbur or Saul. He honestly can’t remember and blurts out names like Toby Esterhase trying to remember who told him the “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier” line when being grilled by George Smiley and Peter Guillaume.
DT: “Yes, I like to keep cases open that we have no evidence of a crime, no motivation of a crime, and whose death has been ruled accidentally, just because I like a certain of folders on my desk. Otherwise it looks lonely and like I’ve got nothing to do”
GT: OK – so we get to see what Gil and Beth get up to on Halloween but what about the big game? Did Milford score? Wait, they were ahead? So did they run out the clock? What about Borys? Did he ever get his moment in the sun? Did Matt Rhule come to his game and do a cameo like he did on Lanterns? Did he get a scholarshiop to Nebraska? It would remind his mom of the frozen steppes. Did Gerards shake hands with Gil after the game or did his aneurysm rupture?
RMMD: OK we get it, the creators find modern medicine too complicated with too much jargon, pathos, and technology they don’t understood or want to draw and with conditions that blend social, public health, and economic concerns. They rather just focus on Glenwood and the simple lives of the simpletons. Just get it over with it and call the strip Glenwood and make June and Rex background characters.
MW: Tommy misspelling Nelly’s last name in his verbal reply makes me wonder if he’s also pronouncing it differently. Maybe he’s saying FenEEL rather than FeNELLEE. Maybe he’s thinking about Freda’s sale on FENNEL. Are they in the produce aisle?
Pluggers: Puts on leather motorcycle jacket he owned as a slim teen. Rips open every seam.
“Uh, now I’m the hulk.”