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Mark Trail, 12/1/10

GOOD MORNING AMERICA! When you got out of bed today, was your mind prepared for the prospect of seeing Mark Trail easing himself erotically out of his shirt, offering a glimpse of disturbingly smooth and featureless pink flesh behind the khaki? Were you prepared for the word balloon emerging sexily from behind that shower curtain — prepared for the unsettling feelings you’d get, knowing that the pointless, awkward sentence was being spoken by a fully nude Mark Trail? Were you prepared for the porn-ready circumstances of panel three, in which Kelly Welly prepares to “accidentally” stumble upon Mark naked and glistening with shower-dew? Were you ready for December 1, 2010, aka the most sexually charged day in history?

Mary Worth, 12/1/10

In contrast with that raw sensuality, the goings-on in Mary Worth just seem tawdry and gross. Actually, check that, they’d be tawdry and gross under any circumstances. Poor Dr. Jeff is attempting to keep a cheery expression on his face as he summons all his strength to remove Jill’s grabby hands from the erogenous zones at the back of his neck. He’s hoping that this doesn’t turn into a scene, but it might be too late: that lady in pink in the background of panel two has already swiveled her head around 180 degrees to check out the drunk-bridesmaid-on-father-of-the-bride action.

Archie, 12/1/10

It’s not clear what industry, if any, sustains Riverdale’s economy. I generally believe that the whole town is the personal fiefdom of the Lodge family, and thus it makes sense that, as panel one indicates, Mr. Lodge’s continued solvency is front-page news.