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Mark Trail, 1/23/12

OK, here’s a thing that has been persistently confusing to me about the current Mark Trail storyline: Tommy keeps insisting that he runs a “dog training business,” which, to an effete urban dweller such as myself, summons up an image of an obedience school where a Cesar Millan disciple explains to you how to establish an inter-creature dynamic within your household that prevents your adorable little Pomeranian from urinating on your newly restored hardwood floors. But Tommy only talks about Butch the blind dog and the rest of his business in terms of hunting, so I guess out in Real American “dog training businesses” are all about training your dog as a hunting companion, seriously, why would you even own a dog if you weren’t going to hunt with it? And so obviously a blind dog would be useless in such a context … unless Mark can prove that Butch has what it takes after all. Of course, the fact that Tommy is so transparently eager to get a 10-minute segment about Butch onto Animal Planet or the Outdoors Channel or Pointing The Camera At Nature or whatever basic cable channel Mark’s friend works for just goes to show that even Real America is desperately in thrall to the coastal media elites.

Hi and Lois, 1/23/12

It’s really quite sad that this is what Hi and Lois think a “quickie” is. And Lois isn’t even fully committed to it! You can’t drink tea at a coffee quickie, Lois.

Apartment 3-G, 1/23/12

Ha ha, Tommie is so boring that Lu Ann is going to call her “Margo” as she waves the MapQuest page she printed out all by herself at her. In the background, the actual Margo sees where this conversation is going and quickly decides to be anywhere else.

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Hi and Lois, 1/20/11

All week I’ve been trying to figure out what if anything to say about the distinctive shift in art in Hi and Lois this week. I can’t decide whether it’s a sort of simplified version of the previous artwork representing a move to a more digital process, or if it’s just a new hired hand taking over at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC coming up with a more stylized take on the characters (which, I have to say, I kind of like). I was about to trouble my pretty little head more about it, but then I realized that I was troubling my pretty little head about Hi and Lois, which really hasn’t earned the trouble. Any artists out there who have better insight into how cartooning actually works should compare today’s strip to, say, this and give us your expert opinion. Or, you know, don’t! Lord knows we won’t hold your refusal to think about Hi and Lois against you.

Apartment 3-G, 1/20/11

Ha ha, Lu Ann has known that the couple that raised her weren’t her biological parents for maybe an hour or two now, and already she’s calling them by their first names rather than “mom and dad.” She is so done with Ken and Vera, you guys.

Ziggy, 1/20/11

Oh, man, those environmental regulators: overzealous, amiright? But seriously, no matter what your opinion on the EPA and the Endangered Species Act and the spotted owl and what have you, I think we can all come together and celebrate the fact that Ziggy is going to prison.

Marmaduke, 1/20/11

It had been a long time coming, this moment. Phil had watched so many innocent souls go down Marmaduke’s gullet, heard so many screams for mercy, saw so much carnage, so much blood. Years ago he knew that he couldn’t be just an observer in the awful process forever, that one day the demon-hound would come for him. “Hungry?” he asked. There was no fear in his voice, only sadness, and a small bit of relief. The huge, gore-soaked paw on his chest was almost gentle.

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Apartment 3-G, 1/12/12

Welp, as I predicted on Sunday, Ruby is Lu Ann’s bio-mom (I don’t deserve much credit for this, as it was telegraphed fairly loudly). And now it’s all over but the copious weeping, and soul-searching, and family recriminations! Shouldn’t take more than a year or two. However, before we get started, I think it’s worth showing the panel from last Friday that started this hilarious and heart-breaking misunderstanding:

I dearly, dearly hope that Lu Ann’s comment is never explained again, just for confusing larfs. “Poor Lu Ann, it must be terrible to not understand one’s true heritage! Hmm, why is the name ‘Dr. Howard’ sticking in my mind? Is it important? Enh, probably not.”

This shocking revelation about Ruby this week has made me wonder if this whole thing was planned out from the moment she was introduced more the four years ago, which made me dip into my archives to see where my first mention of her was. All I can say is that I’m apparently pretty smart about this stuff.

Mary Worth, 1/12/12

Yes, Mary, we all know that your plan to bring Emily back to your hovel in the woods and bake her into a pie is finally coming to fruition, but perhaps you shouldn’t look so transparently gleeful about it?