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Apartment 3-G, 12/14/10

You might find it hard to believe that Lu Ann is sending out radar waves of pure pleasure at the prospect of a quick trip via PATH train to Hoboken, New Jersey, and may think that that she’s just enjoying the music of the pretty man’s voice without bothering to strain her thinking muscle in an attempt to figure out what his beautiful syllables mean. But remember, this is the girl who practically swallowed her tongue in joy at the prospect of a trip to South Dakota, so clearly she’s easy to please, destination-wise.

Beetle Bailey, 12/14/10

You probably viewed this comic with mild disgust at its content, combined with a certain amount of contempt for its portrayal of bedbugs as large enough to be visible. And of course it’s ludicrous that Sarge would be feeding them cereal, since bedbugs subsist on one and only one thing: blood. Which means that Sarge probably isn’t feeding them cereal at all, and is in fact holding a big bowl of scabs. Oh, did your disgust just get a lot less mild?

Mary Worth, 12/14/10

“You and Scott are meant to be together! You’re right to be sure! And sure to be right! You don’t mind if I hover mere inches away from you and talk to you while you attempt to share an intimate moment at a stressful time, do you? Of course you don’t!”

Zits, 12/14/10

Ha ha, Jeremy’s room smells like a dog pooped in it!

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Mark Trail, 11/26/10

Oh, God, I knew that if I read long enough, this day would come eventually: the day when I started recognizing the repeats in Mark Trail. “Sexy” Kelly Welly lounging around in your slip and scheming on November 26, 2010, meet “sexy” Kelly Welly lounging around in her slip and scheming on June 23, 2006! I’m sure you’ll have a lot to talk about, mostly about how finding Mark is never that difficult — it’s seducing him that’s the real trick.

Beetle Bailey, 11/25/10

Oh, also, today is the day we all give thanks that nobody at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC is talented enough to draw human viscera.

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Apartment 3-G, 11/24/10

Whew, thank goodness everything worked out for the best! Crazy taser lady Mrs. Bloom gets someone to look after her cat when she’s in Florida for two weeks or whatever, and all she has to do is allow an enormous piano to be stationed in her tiny Manhattan apartment indefinitely. And also Tommie’s Aunt Iris is going to live there while she’s gone, and maybe stick around after she gets back, who knows, she said in a Sunday strip that she likes to “have adventures,” and once a freewheeling adventuresome free spirit is ensconced rent-free on your couch, they’re pretty much there for the duration, if you know what I mean.

Mark Trail, 11/24/10

I worked many years as a freelancer, and I have to say that if I had been recruited by a shadowy government operative for a dangerous undercover mission, one so important that I couldn’t even fill my own wife in on the details, I wouldn’t have called up any of my clients to blab about it on an unsecured phone line. Still, it’s narratively important for Bill Ellis to hear about all this so he can blurt out everything Mark says over the phone so that in turn Kelly Welly, Mark Trail’s greatest ever recurring character, can find out about it and show up and ruin everything/make everything awesome.

You can see why Kelly might want to get out of the office, anyway, what with Bill simultaneously holding back her journalistic career and invading her personal space. Sure, the two of them might have dated a couple of times, and he taught her some techniques (so different from Mark’s!), but Kelly is obviously ready to put that chapter behind her and go screw up the Customs Department’s most ill-conceived sting operation ever.

Beetle Bailey, 11/24/10

Hey, everybody, the revolution is here, at long last! Its first target is General Halftrack. The revolution is even more misguided than I had imagined.

Archie, 11/25/10

Jughead is afraid of accidentally getting something of use out of his education; I, meanwhile, am fucking terrified of the grinning be-hatted hot dog monster that’s waving cheerily at him from the TV.