Archive: Family Circus

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The Family Circus, 10/2/04

Hey, the dotted lines are back! And in the daily panel, no less! That’s great. It gives you something to latch onto in this panel, in which nothing else seems to have any meaning or purpose. You see, Jeffy goes around the clown because, well, because he doesn’t want a free coupon, I guess. And he’s sweating because … clowns are scary? And he says “Oops!” because … well, I have no idea why he says that. And he’s holding something in his hand, but it’s way too small for me to tell what it is. And when’s the last time you saw a clown in full get-up handing out free coupons? Usually they’re passed out by bored college students/homeless people. Unless there’s a big to-do or something. True story: On the day that Star Wars Episode I premiered, I walked by a theater where it was showing, and among the mob outside was a hapless individual dressed up as a giant cup of yogurt who was passing out free yogurt samples. Poor bastard. My friend and I actually got to go in and see the movie for free because some disgusted nerds who had bought tickets to every show playing that evening refused to see it again after the first time and were just handing them out to people. After we saw it, we understood why. We didn’t take any yogurt samples either. But, back to my point, which is as follows: today’s Family Circus — what the hell? I thank you for your time.

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Family Circus, 9/17/04

OK, so, there’s the harmonica, see …

And, um, it’ll be on the cell phone … cell phones are annoying…

And Jeffy can’t really play the harmonica (I guess that’s why the “try” bit is in there) …

And that’s funny because …

Aw, hell, I admit. I don’t get it. You win this time Bil Keane. This time.

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Family Circus, 9/11/04

The emasculation of the young American male proceeds apace in this installment of the Family Circus. First, Billy, his hand in the form of a fake gun, cheerfully sprays hot lead in the general direction of his beloved little brother. But once that ball-crusher Mom, with her short, modern, “career woman” haircut, comes onto the scene, our little hellion is reduced to morosely downgrading his fantasy to a harmless squirt-gun fight. (Presumably pretending to shoot a gun is verboten, but pretending to shoot a pretend gun is P.C. enough to pass muster.) Mom may be happy, but we only need to look into the sad faces of Billy and Jeffy (it’s fun to get shot at!) to know that an essential bit of boyhood has been lost, and the encroaching feminization of our once-proud nation is unstoppable. As the piece de resistance, the crudely hand-drawn date in the lower left is there as a stark reminder of what fate awaits a civilization of gun-eschewing girlie men. Bil Keane: a lone voice of manly strength in a corrupt and decadent world.

Incidentally, when I went to the Family Circus Web site to download this cartoon, I received an error message that read “The page cannot be displayed: There are too many people accessing the Web site at this time.” The idea of this site being overwhelmed by traffic is so laughable that, well, it made me laugh.