Archive: Hagar the Horrible

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Crankshaft, 10/2/22

Huh, I’m a little surprised by “the Crankshafts” in that final panel. I guess I actually don’t know off the top of my head what Pam and Jeff’s last name is, so it’s possible that she not only kept her maiden name but that Jeff changed his name to hers as well, but I find it unlikely for a bunch of reasons. First off, while they’re not overt anti-feminists or anything, it’s had to see either of them doing anything that runs contrary to general societal practice to make a point. But more importantly, it’s simply an awful name, and frankly they’d be inheriting it from a simply awful person, so I don’t buy it.

Hagar the Horrible, 10/2/22

Real grim first couple of panels here, where we learn that Hagar’s horse is intelligent enough to practice deceit and to understand both his own mortality and his precarious place in the world. Makes it all the grimmer when you get to the final panel and realize Hagar’s probably going to eat him by the end of the night.

Blondie, 10/2/22

Oh no! Dagwood fell off a ladder and had a massive head injury and died. RIP Dagwood Bumstead, 1930-2022. You taught me that it was OK to be weird.

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Judge Parker, 9/24/22

Oh, gee, I guess we’ve been spending so much time exploring the wildly seesawing emotional conditions inside the heavily fortified Spencer-Driver compound that we haven’t noticed that Cavelton at large has become a violent, drug cartel-ruled hellscape. This should work out great for Abbey when she becomes mayor, as she’ll be able to use a brutal crackdown on the gangs and the accompanying suspension of constitutional protections for defendants as a cover to go after her enemies, ex-mayors and ex-husbands alike.

Hagar the Horrible, 9/24/22

Aw, isn’t that romantic? Hagar and his band of Vikings have apparently established a trade route to Mesoamerica, but are keeping it a secret from anyone but their most beloved family members. Also, Hagar’s a terrible alcoholic (less romantic).

Hi and Lois, 9/24/22

I would not advise Hi to buy the contents of a mysterious POD from some guy who, as far as I know because I’ve never seen him in the strip before, just showed up in the neighborhood today! I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure you’re accepting responsibility for however many corpses are in there if you do this.

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Hagar the Horrible, 9/14/22

Feels like someone over at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC is trying to feed into my “when exactly in history does Hagar the Horrible take place” — and it’s working! So, some fun facts: England really did have a King Edgar, and he really did come to the throne as a scruffy teen. He became king in 959, though he succeeded his brother, not his father, who had died years earlier, and his coronation ceremony was devised by Saint Dunstan (a bishop, not an orangutang) and (topical!) is the basis for the ceremony still used by British monarchs to this day. His Wikipedia article claims that “Scandinavia was ‘largely quiescent’ during this period and Viking activity directed towards England was much reduced,” but we all know that records from this era are spotty, because it’s clear that he got his palace utterly plundered by Hagar fairly early in his reign.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/22

Sorry, it turns out we couldn’t squeeze much drama out of “Buck is in charge of an old person,” so instead we’ve got … these two! A boring teen and her single mom, whose latest romance fizzled in an extremely uninteresting way! Um. Tune in tomorrow when … hopefully Sarah has another head injury?

Pluggers, 9/14/22

Do … do pluggers think you’re supposed to type on your phone with your thumbs? And that having more thumbs would therefore be helpful? Because that would explain a lot (about why they’re bad at typing on their phones).